Most expats and also nearly all wealthier Filipinos have maids.
In our western culture, having a maid is not something that we do, and it can be a difficult adjustment to make for us, because it is so “outside the box”.
Getting a maid in the Philippines is something that has changed drastically in the 14+ years that we have lived in the Philippines. When we first moved to the Philippines you would have people coming to your gate asking for a job as a maid in your house. There were so many such people that you practically had to fight them off with a stick! These days, you have to resort to some different tactics to find anybody who is willing to work as a maid. We have had times when we have gone for months without a maid because it was difficult to find one.
Another problem is finding a maid who is willing to work for a long period of time. I don’t mean long work hours, I mean somebody that you can hire and she will still be with you several years down the road. These days, some people you hire as a maid only make it for days or weeks. For us, we always want to find a longer term person who will fit into the family and become more of a family member than an employee. Luckily, we have usually been able to find this type of person, although it has not always been easy.
Listen to today’s podcast and learn about how to find a maid and other information about having a maid in the Philippines.
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Thanks again for listening, everybody!
Bob;
I wrote an article awhile back (A few years) about that we never had a maid; it was my wife’s decision not to have one, as she felt that our two daughters should help out. When she got sick a few years ago we decided that a maid was in order. It was my idea to hire her twin sister from down the road to come and help out, she works from 8 am until 3 pm, and it is light housekeeping right beside my wife, Who better than someone who goes home in the afternoon, and needs the money to put her daughter Shay-Shay through school) Four years now and trouble free, and they still have not run out of things to talk about. And surprisingly Mayang goes down the road to their mothers to hang around with her twin some more.
So to treat the maid like family is wrong, unless they really are.
Hi Paul – Now that you mention it, I remember that article! Has it been that long ago? 🙂
We have had instances where we have hired family as maids in the past. As far as I can remember, only nieces, though. Certainly never any of Feyma’s siblings. To be honest, it has never worked out, though.
We are currently very happy with the maid that we have, and hopefully she will be with us for some time to come. 🙂
Hi Bob, I might suggest that the term “maid” suggests subservient, which is not what any of us need. Instead, good “helpers” (katulong) are always most in demand. The English term “maid” is demeaning, whereas “helper” (katulong) indicates reasonable and proper respect for an employee but most importantly the *person* providing that position and service.
As you posted, they don’t bang on your gate hourly anymore, and those that do you might want to be very careful of, for example why did you neighbor terminate her?
A modicum of recent experience: We currently have one “yaya” and her (now) ‘asawa’ as katulong who actually somewhat respects me. Sparing some unsavory prior experiences, they now admitted their faults, were accepted back, and 4 months so far it’s good. Subsequently, my wife also arranged with the her brother’s (the brother we paid to keep alive last month) to be yaya for our newest baby.
That’s 3 now, hopefully ok, we’ll see.
Yes, of course various “family” also show up at random for a few days to “help” and eat, but that’s how it goes.
Hi Ed – I do not feel that there is anything at all demeaning about saying that somebody is a maid. It is a job classification, and I do not intend it in a negative way at all. So, you can suggest what you please… but I just don’t believe in what you are suggesting, sorry.
Now, I also have no problem calling somebody a helper, although it is not really very descriptive or precise about what the job is. For example, you mention a yaya (is it demeaning to call them a yaya?). Why is the yaya not called a helper too? She helps with your children, right? What about a car mechanic, he helps you with your car, is it demeaning to him to call him a mechanic?
Also, I live in an area where Bisaya is the language of choice, not Tagalog. I was under the impression that is the case for you too. So, we don’t have “katulong” here, we have “katabang”. If you want, and it would be more politically correct to you, I can write the whole post in Bisaya, and also speak Bisaya on the podcast. In that case I would use the word “katabang”. But, since this site is focused more on foreigners than Filipinos (although Filipino participation is always welcome), we tend to use English here. I choose to use the word “maid” and find nothing demeaning about it at all.
Bob – I agree a ‘Maid’ is purely a job classification and is therefore a member of the paid household staff. Incidentally Marilou will not have anyone in the house fulltime these days, she prefers her privacy.
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim – I understand Marilou’s desire for privacy, I have felt that way myself at times in the past. It all depends on a person’s sitaution. For us, with such a large household, having a maid or helper is very important, and I am quite comfortable with it now.
Please don’t take me wrong respecting my other comments. When the choice is you working all night every night then being awake all day every day to take care of household responsibilities, ,not to mention 5 young kids 3 of which would be classified as “babies” …. Watcha gonna do? Not to mention when your home becomes the “ICU” for injured extended family …. etc etc.
My wife speaks native Visayan, but my first decade in the Philippines was in the greater metro Manila area where Tagalog is predominant so that’s what i learned and since everyone here in Mindanao has no problem conversing, I only learn a few random words of Visayan. Funny that when I”m out, no one seems to speaking anything other than Tagalog. I’m occasionally asked if I know Visayan (due to my ‘foreigner nose’) and then we have a normal Tagalog conversation. We mostly speak Tagalog at home. I rarely resort to English with my wife, never with her family or with katulong, though I make it a point to speak English with my kids because I’m their primary teacher and I owe it to them.
As for “katulong” (or dialect variants) vrs “maid”, it’s a matter of perceived respect which costs me nothing extra to reasonably exhibit. 🙂
So, I am still curious, when is it respectful to call a yaya ‘yaya’ but you cannot call a maid ‘maid’?
Fair question Bob,
To my understanding (faulted as it may be), the Tagalog term ‘yaya:” is respected as a caregiver of infants, as is the term “katulong” as helper but on a reasonably equitable social basis. Contrasting to “maid” which has the connotation of something significantly more subservient and inferior. That’s why I respect katulong (helpers) by reasonably referencing them as employees and not the British “maid” connoted as basically an indentured slave. It’s a mater of respect.
Yes, I understand that the difference may well be lost in some problematic translation to Tagalog (or Visayan), but that simple respect is important, at least to me. Sorry if you disagree.
I feel that respect is very important. However, I do not feel that the word maid is disrespectful in any way.
As an example, the Bisaya language has no letter V in their alphabet, so I could argue that it is disrespectful of you to keep mentioning “Visayan”. But, I do not think that you mean any disrespect by spelling the name of their language in the English way. Because I don’t think you mean to be disrespectful, it does not bother me at all.
Just as I mean no disrespect by using the English word maid. If I am speaking the local language, I would say katabang, and I always say that when I speak bisaya.
You can ask any employee of any type that has ever worked for me. I don’t treat them in a disrespectful way.
Bob, I never wrote or implied that you are disrespectful, nor was that ever a thought.
As for “Visayan” vrs. “Bisayan”, you’re undoubtedly correct to the letter, yet strangely I’ve only ever heard it it said with a distinct “v” not “b”. Maybe it’s pronounced different in Tagalog, or perhaps the word is just spoken differently everywhere I’ve been vrs where you are. I don’t know.
This discussion also makes me realize that many Tagalog terms and phrases common in the metro Manila area are never used in the interior of Mindanao, yet I’ve learned a few new ones here. Interesting how the common use of even the same language varies by region.
Actually, you did imply that respect is not important to me:
Bob, sorry if you took anything I wrote that way. It was not my intent.
By the way, here is the definition of maid, from Merriam-Webster:
A woman or girl employed to do domestic work.
I see nothing at all demeaning about that. In fact, I find the definition to be highly accurate.
Our current katulong is a straight male who does a lot more than just “domestic work”..
Our current yaya doesn’t do domestic work, she looks after our youngest baby.
According to the definition you kindly provided, the term “maid” wouldn’t fit either of them.
They are however certainly “helpers”.
thing is, I didn’t do my podcast about your domestic situation, I did it about getting a maid, in general.
Bob, I mentioned nothing about your podcast. My comment wasn’t about your podcast, but exclusively about what you wrote here and I quoted, no more no less.
Growing up in the Philippines, we called our female katulong, “alila”. If we had heterosexual male katulong in those days, which we never had, we would have called him “muchacho”. Either term meant no disrespect. It was just the way it was – a cultural disambiguation, you might say.
Hi John – Some of the names that are used here for helpers is very politically incorrect for our foreign ears, but that’s the way it is here. For example, in my area, if you hire a male to work at your house it is common to call him “your boy”. Well, that sounds terrible, but is just normal here! 🙂 It is not considered demeaning at all.
You took the words out of my mouth, Bob. 🙂 I was going to say “houseboy”, if it’s a male katulong” and no Filipino would flinch. You say houseboy in the States these days, people would look at you funny, although the term was widely used especially in the hotel industry in the States in the olden days until probably around the 1960s. They are now called, “houseman”. LOL
You are right on that, John. When we first moved to the Philippines, we hired a young man to do work in our yard and take care of other things around the house. He lived with us, and remained in our employ for many years, I guess 8 or 9 years or so. When he first started working, I was told that he was our “boy” (they don’t really say “houseboy” in our area, just “boy”). I felt absolutely terrible every time I would say that, just so guilty. But, now, I’ve been here long enough that I can say it without the feelings that I had before, because it is just normal. I certainly don’t mean it with any disrespect, so I feel no need to have bad feelings about it.
Yeah I am reading this exchange with interest too … it’s respectful to call a yaya a yaya but disrespectful to call a maid a maid? Funny thing with all these “word battles” that get going, any real information gets lost in the shuffle.
For years now Mita and I have never had a maid. We’ve had various arrangements for “live out” help, all of which have had their good and bad pints.
Now that we are ready to move into our new house with an actual maid’s room and bath, we are going to try a real “live in” maid, starting in a week or two. It will be interesting, I’m sure.
Hi Dave. I didn’t realize that you were going to go for a maid when you move. I wish you the best of luck with that, I hope it works out well for you guys.
Bob;
I become incensed when ever I hear someone say mermaid.
Yes, it is quite disrespectful, Paul. Don’t even get me started about barmaid! 🙂
Here again we have the issue with the root word “maid”.
To my understanding, “maid” relates to the old British class distinctions. Without any suggestions whatsoever of anyone else’s character or practices, I personally believe that we are equal as people, though yes some of us have been more privileged in life than others. In this context I eschew the term “maid” for that precise (lesser class) connotation, and instead prefer the classless and gender-neutral Tagalog term “katulong” (or fine, the Bisayan equivalent), simply meaning “helper” – a person my equal who I may happen to employ.
Hopefully that clears up what I’ve been trying to say.
Bob & Paul, I don’t have a problem with mermaids or barmaids. What I can’t stand is MinuteMaid.That stuff sucks ! Give me Florida’s Natural or Tropicana any day of the week 🙂
Ha ha… well, Minute Maid is available here in the Philippines (owned by Coca Cola) but the other brands are not. Gotta take what you can get. 😉 Maybe somebody should come out with Minute Helper juice. 🙂
“Minute helper juice” ??? aiiii! let’s not even go there!
Personally, I’ll just wait a few months after #5 is born and then the new 3-month injection takes effect.
5 is plenty and I surely don’t need any responsibilities ‘labas’. Better to look but not touch.
Personally I prefer *real* orange juice (not the “drink” stuff), and the real thing is very hard to find, likely stale, and way expensive here. we can grow kalamansi, so why not oranges?
hi bob is it socially acceptable for a single male to have a live-in maid? what would the neighbors think?
Hi William – GREAT Question! Yes, it is socially acceptable for a single man to have a live in maid, that is not a problem and will not cause a stir among the neighbors. It is a very normal part of life here in the Philippines.
However, as a single male, and a foreigner at that, there are some precautions to take.
Firstly, I would urge you to be certain that everything you do in regards to your maid is proper, and no suggestion of sexual type relationship. I have known foreigners here who have gotten into sexual relationships with maids, and that is a big no-no. Avoid that at all costs.
Make sure that your maid has her own room to sleep in, and not adjacent to yours. Most nicer houses here have a maids’ quarters, and it is usually located adjacent to the kitchen, with the bedrooms being in a different part of the house, and that is ideal.
I know another foreigner here who has a live in maid, and he has gotten in the habit of having the maid give him a massage. For me, I think that is something that should be avoided, because it could lead toward inappropriate behavior, or thoughts. That sort of thing should be stayed away from in my opinion. If you want a massage, you can get an expert massage (with or without hanky panky) at a legitimate massage parlor, and no reason at all to involve the maid in that.
Thanks for the great question, William.
Hi Bob – I have met many foreigners in Dumaguete that pay a maid 15,000 to 20,000 a month, you could work out why the high pay or they pay them 500 to 1000 for sex. I don’t agree with the concept but it is really common amongst expats in Dumaguete, maybe even common amongst filipinos.
Hi Brenton – Having sex with the maid, is, in my opinion, the most stupid thing that a person could do here in the Philippines. I am not talking about it in terms of if a guy is married and having extramarital sex and such… even for a single person, you just are going to run into trouble if you have that type of relationship with the maid.
Hi Bob – Agree 100%
I totally agree with Bob on this point. Have sex with your wife or gf and otherwise do it way *outside* of your home. Anything else is asking for trouble and even if you follow sensible precautions trouble will still land on your hear periodically. Don’t go looking for trouble!
If a guy is looking for sex, there is certainly no shortage of it in the Philippines. No need to go to the maid. It’s just not a smart thing to do.
Bob I agree with you about the No-Sex with the help.
There is something I say when things of business gets too personal. “Don’t Eat in the Bathroom, and don’t (Do other things) in the Kitchen” keep your business where it is supposed to be.
My father, who was a minister, didn’t tell me that but he had a rule when I was younger. He wouldn’t allow me to date any of the Girls in his church. He let me know that even if the girl called off the relationship, it really puts someone like my dad, and myself, in an awkward situation with the family. I never broke that rule.
Now running a business for 14 years, I have seen the damage when I have young men come into my martial arts academy and get and share phone numbers with the ladies. A few even have tried to use my business as a meat market. And I have had to put a stop to it.
They just don’t understand it is my Paycheck they are messing with.
Great points, James.
Hi James – Have you heard the term “Don’t crap in your own backyard”?. It’s a metaphor for what you are explaining.
Trouble has a tendency of finding you no matter how careful or proper you are, so why go looking for it?
Hi William.
Whilst I completely agree with the commentators saying that anyone who is already married should not be so stupid as to get into any sort of relationship with a helper, there could be some exceptions on the part of a single male with no attachments.
I arrived in the Philippines as a bachelor and recruited a live-in helper with the assistance of staff from the office where I was working. Nobody blinked an eye at the outset but there were plenty of nudge-nudge, wink-wink comments when it became clear that the foreigner-helper relationship had gone beyond the norm. I married my “helper” twenty-three years ago, we have three kids and I’ve never looked back.
Hello Bob, Yes locating good help is not as easy as it used to be. Plus it appears to be harder to keep the good ones. It is truly unfortunate that the families affected by major calamities can not somehow post their availability on the web, and their skill set. All the people from the earthquake in Bohol, to the Yolanda survivors on Leyte & Samar. We have one for now . . . . After my wife raised me, our two kids, and played a major role in raising our three grand kids, I decided she needed a rest when we moved here. What is the pay range throughout the Philippines for “Helpers”?
Hi Terrence – Yes, things have changed and help is not easy to find anymore – good help or bad! 🙂 But, you can still find it if you are persistent. The maid that we currently have, Joy, has been with us for almost 2 years now. She is really good, and goes beyond the things that we ask of her. We also have a labandera who washes and irons our clothes, she works just one day per week. She has been with us for many years, maybe as long as 8 or 10 years now, and is a really good lady to have around.
As for pay, we pay Joy P2,000 per month, plus we provide everything she needs. That includes personal care items like deodorant, shampoo, and such items – many employers make their maids pay for such items themselves, but we are happy to provide it.
Wow, PHP2k/mth and in Davao? That’s not a typo? Here in the middle of nowhere my wife pays 3k *starting* straight-cash salary plus of course lahat, which I estimate to be about 10k/katulong/month by the time you pay all for them.
Are you serious, Ed? That is way, way over the top in my view. We pay P2k/month, plus personal needs. We are well above what others are paying here in the City. 10K per month with all in? I doubt that we pay P2.5k all in (not including food, of course). That is truly unbelievable to me.
Yes Bob, I’m absolutely serious. It used to be 2.5K/month but the going rate seemingly went up in 2013, and that’s in the interior of Mindanao, not some major city. By the time you factor in the food they ea (of course!)t, their medical and personal expenses, and what they would otherwise pay for equivalent accommodation and benefits, 10k is perhaps a conservative estimate.
Consider it this way – what would be your household budget with just immediate family, vrs your monthly expenditure supporting katulong. The simple math doesn’t lie.
Hi Ed – I am sorry, but I just don’t see any way that the going rate in Bukidnon could be that high. Many people in Davao pay P1,500 per month. We pay 2k, and few people pay that much here.
We’re actually in Kidapawan, and yes from what everyone else I’ve met tells me (there’s not too many here), 3k plus lahat is the going rate these days here. We used to pay 4k+ in Cavite back in 2010, so 3k here today is a relative bargain. I’m totally amazed at your mention of 1.5 – 2k in Davao.
Hard enough getting a hopefully half-decent katulong here at 3k, +++.
Care to send your (considered) excess applicants this way for a 2.5k salary? From you write, they’ll be ecstatic for such, and if they’re decent and can last a couple of months, I’ll thank you publicly. 🙂
We have no excess applicants, Ed. As I said in the podcast, we use an agency to find a maid because it is now quite difficult to find.
Bob, I meant that rhetorically, I certainly didn’t mean to imply you might have excess bargain-basement katulong to send our way.
We tried the ‘agency’ route in Cavite back in 2009/10, hence the 4k minimum starting salarty, plus of course
the additional significant agency fees. Yes the agency vetted and “guaranteed” the katulong and would contractually ‘replace’ the employee. That means they’d scrape the surrounding squatter area and if they got lucky they’d send us a new one at 4K (obviously +++) salary, and then next week, try again! Repeat repeat, pay agency again again, and ?
I remember carrying my (then) 6 month second son leaking poopoo out of his diaper, to the agency with my 2yearold in tow, looking for their replacement yaya. None. I had to find my own. So much for the agency “guarantee”. Subsequent experiences when my wife returned were no better, just further waste of money. We found our own at 3.5k/month and then we moved to Mindanao (with 2 of them – katulong).
Long katulong/yaya history since then..
Bluntly, “agencies” are a scam in my experience.
Maybe it’s a good thing there’s no “agency” where we are now.
On your comment about “yaya”, that’s a common Tagalog term for a katulong whose primary responsibility is care of an infant, worthy of proper respect. The English equivalent would be “nanny”.
The agency that we used was fair with us and lived up to their promises. You don’t have to pay the agency again either if the maid does not work out. I would not hesitate to use them again.
Hi Bob,
Can you post a list of agencies you’re aware of, which might also serve the interior of Mindanao?
We live in Davao and start our helpers at 2.5K per month as this is what it states in the contract with the agency. We generally increase it to 3K per month after six months or so when they also become eligible for a 13th month Christmas bonus. We give them toiletries and medicines and it’s not unusual for my wife to take them along to watch Tagalog movies.
I tend to agree with other comments recommending the use of an agency and would certainly avoid anyone who turns up at the front gate or who is recommended by a friend of a friends friend. We once took on a recommended girl only to have her boyfriend/pimp turn up a week later demanding that we give him her salary along with his pasaje to and from Gen San.
When it comes to choosing a helper, if you are lucky enough to have a choice, avoid pretty girls and those with excessive make-up / perfume. Whilst you may be able to resist temptation, your wife will, if she is anything like mine, be watching you like a hawk and strike with all the fury an Ilonga can summon if you so much as smile or linger around the kitchen / laundry area while the temptress is around.
Hi Malcolm – Everything you are saying is right along the lines of my experience and thinking.
Watch out for that Ilongga fury.. it can be deadly!
Your points are well taken Malcolm, but I must ask you – what would you do if you moved somewhere in the interior where there are no agencies and any trek to Davao would realistically be an overnight sojourn?
FYI, when we lived in Cavite, the agency contract starting rate was 4K/month, first month in advance, plus of course the various agency fees on top of that. Your quoted 2.5k/month agency contract rate is astounding, here in the interior my wife pays 3k starting salary and that’s NON-agency!
@Ed
We lived in the “provinces” for many years and got by with nieces and friends of friends from my wife’s home town and/or girls recommended by office mates and the like. We only started using an agency when we moved to Davao by which time all the nieces had grown up and had their own kids to take care of. It really does seem to be much harder to find reliable helpers in the cities.
I would not have a maid in The Philippines.To me, they are way more trouble than they are worth especially for those who have considerable assets.At best,they are easy targets by criminal gangs due to their naivete and lack of critical thinking.At worst, they can be an integral part of a criminal syndicate that is bent on robbing you blind.
Besides,maids are not really necessary. Most subdivisions have laundry/cleaners inside or close by.You can drop your laundry there once a week. It’s inexpensive and hassle free.As for cooking,if you enjoy all of your meals fried or swimming in oil then by all means have a maid cook for you.We would rather cook our own food and continue being fit and trim 🙂
All other services that a maid can perform can be hired on a need basis.This way you can be present to keep an eye on the worker(s),and no one needs to know your routines etc.
All of my brother/sister in laws have been burned by maids.So has my wife’s parents.In two of the incidents there were multi million peso losses.That’s a lot of dough !
I was speaking with one of my brother in laws a few weeks ago when I was in Manila.I asked him if any of the workers at their production facility would try to contact him if someone tried to pull a Dugo-Dugo gang scam.Incredibly he said, “no they would not want to use the load on their phone to verify the authenticity of the claim” !
Not all maids are bad. In fact, my brother in law’s parents have had the same two maids for more than 25 years and never had a problem.They are paid well and treated like family.
Maybe it’s just the times we live in…… Buyer beware !
Hi Bobby – In my 15 years of living in the Philippines we have always had a maid, sometimes we have had multiple maids. Only once have we had a problem, and it was a relatively minor problem. We need a maid, and will continue to have one. Perhaps when Feyma and I are older and the kids have moved on, we won’t need or want a maid any longer, but that is a ways off. It’s an individual choice.
Given our personal situations, large family of babies and toddlers, with me working perforce all night every night and my wife rarely around and needing hand-and-foot-waiting when she is here, it’s almost impossible to NOT have some household help I did however object the day I woke up after 3 hours sleep to find that she had *5* (yes that’s *five*) katulong partying in the cubo (purok). That was just a bit excessive, and I asked her just who’s going to pay all of them. Heh, that was back when the going salary was only 2,500/mth.
Cooking? Honestly, I cook much more often for the katulong than they cook for me.
Now if only I could teach them to wash dishes *clean*. I periodically consume way too much loperamide, not to mention that constantly recurring diarrhea is, ummm, inconvenient, and let’s say …. it “runs” in the family in our household.
Exactly and well said … “Buyer beware!”
Further, as my original (Pinoy) live-in-asawa years ago wisely quipped, “If they were smarter and more honest than us, we’d be working for them.”
Hi Bob,
I’m happy that you have had a great experience with maids.I wish that was the case for everyone. It’s definitely an individual choice on this matter.In fact, another of my brother in laws still employs the maid who fell for the Dugo-Dugo scam. They are convinced she was hypnotized on the phone and don’t blame her.Wow !
All I know is I don’t believe in any of that superstitious hocus pocus nonsense, and we choose not to have a maid.
Yep, it’s your choice, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Just as there is nothing wrong with our family choosing to have a maid! 🙂
Hi Bob – We had a maid for about 9 months. We decided it didn’t really add value to our life as a family so we haven’t had a maid for the last year. It is really cheap though.
Hi Brenton – For us, it is needed, but like I have said to others, it’s a personal choice that each person must weigh.
I’m one of those who feels a bit uneasy about an outsider living in my home. Marlyn and I agree that for her to enjoy her retirement, some domestic help will be a reality. We’re not sure if that will be on a live-in, or an as needed basis. Then there is the point that it is unwise to leave your home unoccupied for any length of time.
We did have a live-in babysitter/housekeeper while our son was young, and we were in Germany. Back then, it was fairly easy for Filipinos to immigrate to Europe. We brought one of Marlyn’s cousins to stay with us. It worked out well.
In true Filipino matriarchal form, Marlyn tried her darnedest to get this kid to marry a German or an American. However, she stayed true to her boyfriend back home. When she returned she married her childhood sweetheart. They used her saved money to build a solid house on their farm. I think some Western influence rubbed off on her as well. She has had only one child.
Take care,
Pete
Hi Pete – I used to be very uneasy about the live in aspect of the maid deal myself. Now, though, it is second nature… it grew on me! 🙂
Realistically, unless the duties are very narrowly defined (eg: labadera one hour every few days), a household helper can’t be much help if they’re not present when things need to be done, hence the need for “livein”, essentially part of the family (with pay).