I am not really a big movie watcher, although I do enjoy catching a good flick from time to time. Yesterday afternoon I happened to be just relaxing and watching a little TV, though. I was flipping through the channels and came upon a movie on HBO that I found interesting. Honestly, I had no idea what the movie was, or anything about it, but I flipped onto it at just the right time and what was happening caught my attention.
As it turned out, the movie that was playing was called “Something New,” and it starred Simon Baker and Sanaa Lathan. Honestly, I had never heard of these people or this movie before, but I am glad that I watched it. What was the movie about? Well, let me give you a little bit of the plot. It was basically about a black woman (Sanaa Lathan) who was a professional lady. She was an accountant in a major accounting firm, a highly proficient accountant at that. As part of the movie, she hired a man to do some landscaping work at her house. It turned out that he was a white man, and more than a mere landscaper, he was a “landscape architect” and a very successful landscaper at that. From the start, it was very obvious that the connection between this man and woman was much more than just a simple employee/employer relationship. It wasn’t just a sexual thing either. It was obvious that there was a potential of love between them. The man was inclined to sort of “let nature take it’s course” if you know what I mean. The woman, though, was very uptight about the idea of dating outside her race. She fought off her desires for this man for a long time. Her family was very well to do, and they always talked bad about other black people dating outside the race. This had kind of conditioned her to feel that it was not right to do so.
As the movie went on there were so many situations where circumstances seemed to pull these two people apart. Many of her black friends were very suspicious of this “white guy” dating their friend. There were constant struggles between them, almost always dealing with race. In the end, the couple did overcome the struggles and married, but it was not an easy thing to get to, it took a lot of work.
I really enjoyed this movie, because it made me think a lot about the relationship that Feyma and I have had over the past 17 years. There have been times when we had to deal with racial issues, although not too often. When we lived in the USA there were 2 or 3 times when we were obviously discriminated against in restaurants where they even refused to serve us. Thankfully, these incidents did not happen very often, and all in all we rarely felt any kind of discrimination in the States. When we moved here to the Philippines, we have also had isolated incidents of racial discrimination here as well. Again, we are thankful that such incidents have been very rare here.
I guess that our experience is that for the most part, racial discrimination is a thing of the past, with very few people still having those kinds of feelings. For those of you who read this column and are also involved in an inter-racial relationship, what are your experiences? Have you felt discrimination in your life?
I know one thing – my marriage to Feyma has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Even if we had experienced a much greater degree of discrimination I would do it all again, no doubt about that. Thankfully, we have only experienced enough discrimination to let us know that it still exists.
I see, so this was the same movie I happen to chanced upon when my flatmates were watching an HBO movie during this last weekend.
Sad that there is still discrimination in some areas of the world, and that the idea of having relationship outside of one's race is still considered a taboo thing. But as always, love will find a way; love will conquer all. What matters most is the love and understanding between two people no matter what or where they came from.
Kudos to both of you, Bob and Feyma.
Bob,
I have always noticed in America, white/asian couples are not comented on much where white/black are.
About movies, if you look past the sexual scenes, "Monster Ball" with Halley Berrie and Billy Bob Thorton is a great movie. I shows how a white bigot gets involved with a black lady and how his attidudes go away. After I watched the movie, I watched it again with the commentery turned on and learned more.
Hi Jio – So you saw that movie too? How did you like it? You know, I really believe that there is no place on the earth where there is not some degree of racism present. I guess that to a point it is human nature. Thankfully, it has been greatly reduced in the past 50 years or so, though.
Hi Bruce – I've never seen that movie before, and didn't realize at all that it dealt with racism. I'll have to check out out one of these days. Thanks for the tip.
Hi Bob I havent seen the movie you are talking about, but recently watched a movie called CRASH, one of the actors was Matt Dillon, a very moving and thought provocing movie.
My wife (Filipina) and I have been married for almost 25 years and I can’t think of any instances where we’ve been subject to racism while in the U.S. (our home). We have three sons, all teens, and from time to time over the years, we’ve asked them if they’ve experienced any racism or negative comments from others. They’ve always said they’ve not experienced any negative comments or behaviors from others based on race … this was truely a relief for my wife and I as you never want your children to go through that kind of thing. We live in a predominantly ‘white’ community so we were a bit concerned they may run into issues during those difficult middle school and high school years … thankfully, that’s not come to pass. Now, interestingly, when we visit the Philippines, we’ve on occasion, run into situations where someone made insinuations that my wife was just out ‘looking for a rich westerner’ … very rare, and the comments were from strangers, but it caused my wife, even now, to generally hesitate to go out with just me when we visit her family in the Philippines. She’d prefer that we bring another family member, or even one of our sons so it’s ‘clear’ that we’re a married couple.
Having said that, for the few instances where there was a negative comment made, marrying my wife has been far and a way the best decision I’ve EVER made and the best thing that’s ever happended to me. I’ve been truely blessed!
Hi Anthony – I have heard of that movie Crash, but never saw it yet. I'll have to keep an eye out for it. Thanks for the tip!
Never been discriminated against in the USA, sadly in the Philippines caucasians are regularly discriminated against. I have been over charged countless times . Not so much anymore albiet they still try..it helps to speak some bisyan..I guess they figure you've been around enough.
For over 33 years or most all my adult life I have been attracted to foreign women. In fact I have never been attracted to American women. Perhaps more of a character issue. Who knows. Anyway I have dated Chinese, Thai, Burmese, Vietnamese, Philipino, and women from most all Central and South American Countries, Russian, Ukranian, and most European Union Countries, Seriously….. and NOT ONCE have I been discriminated against. I guess this is because I lived in more sophisticated or accepting parts of the USA (Northeast,South Florida, San Francisco) and not where these types of relationships might be considered abnormal such as Mid West, West – other than california, Bible Belt. Of course I need to generalize as there are exceptions everywhere and sterotyping geographical regions is also not fair.
I also never experienced discrimination anywhere else in the world with my companions.
Call us "odd man & woman out" but my Filipina wife and I experienced plenty of discrimination over our lifetime together. While its not as prevelant now as it had been over 30 years ago, its ugly head does pop up on rare occasions. Incidents may have made up 1% of our lifetime experience, but as many readily agree, one "aw s4!t" can erase 100 "attaboys"! 😉
A most notable incident involved displaying our Marriage Certificate to a "good ol' boy" deputy sheriff who pulled us over on an interstate highway near Jackson, Mississippi. We pleaded our case on the roadside that we were indeed married and not in violation of the Mann Act as he was alleging. Of course his aim was to "sportingly" intimidate and hassle us, and we would have spent a weekend in the county lock-up while things got "straigtened out" had not a call on his radio pulled him directed him to another "crime in progress." 🙁
Being denied housing in southern Florida ("sailor and asian whore"), being totally refused service at a diner in rural Illinois ("this is a family place"), and other incidents around the USA came from our "kano" side. Equally, from our "flip" side, being ostracized by local Filipino communities in different regions of the USA (only bargirls marry navys) used to be quite prevalent. 😡
Back in the Phils, we received much better treatment in the provinces. There, proving one's self far outweighs preconceived notions of differences and race. I'd say jealousy plays more of a role, and even family can participate (a sister-in-law who loudly complains that her sister comes back home to show off her kano husband). 😕
Sorry for personal rants – making a "mixed marriage" work takes a lot of extra work on occasion! To those who are successful, congrats & keep it going. To those finding difficulties overwhelming, good luck and keep trying.
Hi Brian – Yes, I have experienced discrimination here too, although not that many times. Now, if I counted the over-charging as discrimination, I'd have to say I was discriminated against many many times. 😉
Hi Corey – I'm glad to hear that you have had such a good experience when it comes to discrimination.
Hi Dennis – That is very good news. Yes, Feyma has also experienced comments from Filipinos about her seeking a "rich" guy and such. The most hurtful are when she has been called a prostitute for marrying me. Fortunately, such comments are few and far between, though.
Hi Paul – No apology necessary! It's interesting to hear your experiences. That Mississippi experience gets my blood boiling just hearing about it! Feyma and I have been denied service in a restaurant before too. We came in, were taken to a table and ignored. People were seated at tables all around us and had already gotten their food, while we had not even been given menus. Although nothing was said, it was very obvious to us that it was the ugly head of racism showing up there.
Hi Bob and to all of you. Unfortunately my wife got a lot of bad experiences during the last year of our stay in Germany. It hurt me also a lot. It was one reason to move to the Philippines. Since 9 years being here, we didn't experience any racism or discrimination. Sometimes, for me, as a foreigner, too much appreciation….
Hi Klaus – I'm glad to hear that you have never experienced problems with racism here. My experiences with racism here have been pretty limited too, although I did have one incident that was somewhat serious. Like I said, though, that was only once. Not bad!
Hi to all,
To all those that have been discriminated against I can only say I am
sorry and count my blessings. Sofia and I have been married for over 31
years and have lived in many areas of the states and now in PI and can
honestly say I have never had any discrimitory or racist remarks or actions directed towards us.
Rick
Hi Rick Austin – That's good news, Rick.