Herding cats

Last Thursday I posted this on my Face Book wall, the men tended to understand, women not as much… It was as clear as mud but at least it covered the ground. So here it is, I’ll you the readers decide.

Oh Lord why hath thou forsaken me?” I must shower and get dressed early this morning as my Darling Wife, two daughters and my two grandchildren require me to go with them to the other side of the Island here in the Philippines, to visit the “MEGA MALL”. We have two regular malls in our town, but for reasons beyond my understanding and for some unknown reason anything is better that starts with the word MEGA, or could it be the traffic and the long drive?

When I have five pair of Brown Eyes staring at my one set of Blue eyes, I’m doomed. But the Mega Mall has “Beer Stations” placed strategically around that mall for my sanity and salvation.
I forgot to add that my Son-in-law “Crisanto Sanguyo” will be driving us in his Innova Van, no beer for him!

We were to be picked up at our house by our daughter YoHanna at 09:00 am, did I say Hanna? Yes I did the daughter that has her own time zone. At 09:00 I informed the folks at the house that they only had until 10:00 am to get ready to go to the MEGA Mall. 09:45 my son-in-law Chris and his family arrived at my gate. A tad early I guess. We load up, first that must be loaded are all the possessions required for the care and feeding of my 18 month old grandson Jayden, the perambulator, diaper bag and car seat, well you know what I’m talking about.

There was now a butt for every seat, so the muster was as follows, Chris and Hanna, (Front seats) Paul, Mayang, Colleen (Granddaughter) and Ymir Thea (Middle seat) I turn around and noted that Mayang’s twin sister Clara and Jayden are in the small jump seat. In the 18 inches between the jump seat and the rear hatch is all of Jayden’s STUFF! I didn’t know Clara was coming.

Not a word Paul, not a damn word, it will be figured out in time how any purchases made will be returned to The Big “PO” (Olongapo City) from SM CITY San Fernando Pampanga.

We are now there, the parking lots are full, of cars and quite a few high end cars at that, does someone wish to talk about what a poor country the Philippines is? Who owned those thousands of cars?

The ladies (Plus Jayden) beat a path for the mall leaving Chris and I the problem of the logistics of the return trip with the overflowing carts of Christmas bounty. Chris and I set to work, and baring hireing a Special Jeepney to carry the Charismas loot home, I dare say we (Read: Chris) did a bang up job of the rearranging the van.

Chris and I concluded our bonding moment and went off in different directions to avoid shopping with the ladies. My first stop was at the Healthy Options Vitamin store to pick up 6 months of DHEA pills. While there, I noted that both the girls working there were young and attractive, and a wealth of Stylish information needed by an old Kano.

Posing the question, if you had a pocket full of pesos to buy a handbag, which store and brand would you go directly to? First it was the look, then the smile and in almost perfect unison I heard “CLN (Celine) store. I went straight there.

The lady at the CLN store was informed by me that I needed 3 bags that could match in no way, and then asked her to work her magic. She completed her mission; I nodded approval, and closed the deal, now the proud giver of purses to my three ladies. (Mayang was in charge of buying one for Colleen so I had to remain out of that situation.)

Every year I also get Mayang a nice watch, so off I went in search of her new timepiece to add to her collection. I’m done! Phone the hiding Chris, to met me at the van, and we loaded the first of many items into it.

Off again Ziggity Zig, until I hear strange ballroom music coming from the back of the mall, and followed it to where I found a ballroom dancing contest going on. They were rocking (or Jitterbugging) the house. I stopped to watch as most were very good dancers and were cutting a rug!

But I looked around and noticed that out of the two hundred spectators (And contestants) that I was one of the youngest people there; it was like walking into an American Legion Post, where old people go to pass on. Here is the kicker; I and one other man were the only two people there with gray hair, proof that dancing is good for you.

Wandering and sightseeing I was astounded to note that even very young girls were wearing training bras. Oh Paul how would you know that? I could see the training wheels as they walked away. (I just threw that in to see if you’re paying attention, it is a joke)

I had food, I had water, the ladies are still shopping with no end in sight, my feet are tired and I’m bored, so off to the Cineplex on the top floor, blessed with luck I am not. The only movie out of the six was a Justin Bieber filmed concert. Gouge my eyes out and pound pencils into my ears. I yelled; Oh Lord once more you haft forsaken me.

Massage places abounded in a row but I am wise enough to not venture into one, legitimate or not. But one caught my eye, you sit in full view of people passing by (Read: Mayang) with your feet in a tank of water while fish nibble at your toes. Hmm, feet tired, feet in water, and sitting down, one hour PNP 500.00, sign me up, and I don’t care if they’re Piranha in the damn tank.

The phone rings, honey where are you? I’m feeding the fish my Mahal. No question, or comments, just a; Meet us by the food court were almost done and we’re going home. I moved so fast I didn’t even dry my feet.

The car is loaded and I do mean loaded and the return to the Big “PO” started, only one more stop at the service area on the highway, where there is a 100 Peso store, amazing stuff was within and I loved it, so much in fact that next year all Christmas shopping will be done there.

Friday on Face Book I posted this:

On the way to the mall yesterday, Mayang brought her Christmas Music USB to play on the way over and back. I made it for her using 60 albums by various artists. On the way home it was pointed out to me that a lot of the songs were the same, albeit by different singers. I guess I could have told them there are more singers than Christmas songs. Instead I just nodded and closed my eyes.
Thank you Beer Stations at the mall.

Herding cats refers to: An idiomatic saying that refers to an attempt to control or organize a class of entities which are uncontrollable or chaotic in nature.
Example: A traffic warder in the Philippines trying to control pedestrians and cars at a Mega Mall store entrance. My Second Example; Paul; is trying to load his family in a van and go home after a day at the Mall.