I got an e-mail yesterday from a guy in the USA. He wants me to give him some advice. This guy wants to move here somewhere in Southern Luzon. He wanted to marry this lady from that area. I guess it would be hard for her to go abroad quickly because she has 2 kids from her previous marriage. Anyway, this guy wants to know if he would move here to the Philippines is $10,000 enough for him to start a new life here with this new family of his? He also said that he thinks his lady might be pregnant, that’s why he wants to move here so bad to be with her. He said on his e-mail that they already have a store (I’m just guessing sari-sari store, he didn’t say what kind of store he has) that they started while he came here for a visit. He also said that he built a two story house there too for them.
When I responded to his e-mail I told him that $10k is not enough to start a new life here in the Philippines. Even if he did have a store and a house. That money will be gone in an instant if he would not use it properly. He must invest wisely. I’m having a hard time advising him because I know a lot of the prices of goods these days are going up. I guess for him to stay here he has to live like the local people then. I mean nothing wrong with that, it’s just that he’s used to a good life in the States.
He also wanted to know what kind of visa he is going to get to come here? I’m not sure if they are married already. He wants to process all his paperworks here in the Philippines. I told him on my e-mail that it’s best to process there in the States it’s much quicker I think than here in R.P. He wants to come here ASAP he said.
From his e-mail I don’t think his retired he told me his 44 years old. He would have mention then on his e-mail if he is. Any thoughts from you guys are much appreciated. I will let him read all the advice that’s given. I will give him our website so that he could get some more information that he needs. Thank you so much guys.
Mabuhay!
Hi Feyma,
I emphatize with this guy who wants badly to settle there, join his wife(?) or signifant-other and raise a family. Commendable…
Having said that, idealism goes out the window in the face of the harsh realities of relocating to a foreign country, the mounting responsibilities of 3 people to support plus a baby on the way… That should jolt him back to terra firma!!
$10K is small change to cover all of that. Yes, it might be enough for a grand vacation, but not to start life over for himself, and to start life anew with a brand-new family whose expecations are probably high. His honeymoon will be over before it even starts, if you know what I mean.
But then as I like to think, don't underestimate a person with a purpose. He can pull it off, if he wants to. He has to have a master plan in place, an exit strategy if it doesn't work well, and a dose of patience to work the details. A good thing going for him, he's a US citizen and that can very well be his exit strategy. He can always come back to work here and send funds to support his family there… while working on the longer-term salvation.
As to relocating there, his first resource should be Louis Tamisi(?) as Louis seems to have the first-hand experience in this regard…. as a young family man, as opposed to many on this board who are going there to enjoy retirement. The "league" of retirees don't face the same financial challenges that this aspiring family-man-to-be is facing.
But as an eternal optimist, I always think that nothing is impossible for the man with the "definiteness of purpose" and the perseverance to endure, to meet his goals. May his dreams come true in the country of his choice.
Mabuhay!
There are a couple facts of life which have to be dealt with in this gentleman's situation. Like so often happens in these cases he is asking the wrong questions. Money is far down the list of issues he needs answers to.
He's involved with a married woman. There is no divorce in the Philippines. Her only route to be leaglly free to marry him is legal annulment of her existing marriage (do not confuse this with church annulment, two completely different things … which she and/or he also need if they wish to marry in chucrch under Catholic law)). If the existing spouse does not want to cooperate in this procedure the couple can count on spending more thna his $10,000 in legal fees and perhaps 3 to 4 years of legal wrangling. This sounds ludicrous to people from the land of the quicky, no fault divorce but it's the facts of life. "Easy" annulaments run in the range of $2000USD and take 12 to18 months.
Unless this man can find a job with a company who will sponsor him for a wqork visa … there are such jobs, although pretty rare, he can not live in the Philippines in any status except as a tourist in his current situation. he can't be sponsored by the woman as a permanent resident because she's married to someone else. He hasn't enough money… $75,000USD for a SRRV at his age. In addition to the bi-monthly renewal procedures (expsenses) and the annula "leave the country trip" he can not work, even in an unpaid capacity in the Philippines, can not own a business, etc.
He can not get any category of US visa to bring her to the US either, in their present legal situation. If she were single she might qualify for a fiancee' visa, if she was already married to the man she might qualify for a K-3 or CR-1 spousal visa, but no such avenue is open to her at this time.
The advice I would give him I doubt he would care to hear but he needs to help his intended begin her annulment process and then return to the US and build up his savings/investments/future pensions in order to support them, when she becomes free to marry, in either country. To make the leap to the Philippines in his present staus with that meager nest egg will be a big mistake.
Hi Dave – It was not disclosed by the fellow, but it is possible that the first husband is deceased.
Hello Feyma,
I agree with you and Angie that it is not enough money specially if that is the only money he will rely on. Your very right if he intend to invest that money as business. What if something could go wrong and the business goes bunkcrupt (as we all know a lot of sari-sari store or carenderia will not last long if not handled well).Just in case he should have a nesting egg somewhere where he can dip his hand in times of emergency (e.g. pension or savings etc.). He and his girlfriend should take care of the mess from previous marriage first. I'm thinking about safety because of angry estrange husband. Although, not all estrange husband are hot headed or tarantado.Plus, there is Dave right good input ( legalities and all). Unless Bobs' hunch is right, maybe the husband is deceased. Then we can say its ok to jump in that relationship.
Me again. When I first responded, I had the best thoughts that indeed this relationship involves a "single" woman, even with kids from a previous marriage.
Now that it's been cautioned that the previous marriage might not even be legally over with, yes, what if this were the case? How is he going to wrangle her out of that mess? That will take a lot of bucks. There is no divorce and annulment is pretty expensive.
And if the previous husband is vindictive (and let's hope not…), what if this now-to-be husband becomes the victim of extortion from an angry ex?
I think it's wiser for him to stay in the US where he can (provided he's still employable here), work and fund the legal kinks from here; and once some of the legal challenges have been dealt with, then he can reconsider his options of where to live/raise his family.
Philippines is always an attractive option for those who already have a steady source of income. For most, it will be the retirement fund, investments, Social Security, etc.
For him at 44 and with a family to raise, what will be his other sources, even if after all the legal mess, let's say, he has $10K to start with?
Evaluating his own skill set might help bring some answers.
If he's a techie and he's with a progressive/dynamic company, look into telecommuting. Probably his company might have a program like that. Or if he's a techie and he's not with a company that allows telecommuters, then look for a company that does!
Just more ideas…
So bright and so right(again), Angie!
If the guy owns a sari-sari store, there's also a chance that it will turn into a sira-sira store(close,open,close-open).
That's very common in the Philippines-
Neighbors will make "utang" for a bottle of vinegar or a small pack of salt and it's hard to say "No credit today, tomorrow only." Or, "Credit is good but we need cash."
And about the mess, sometimes it's better and easier to fix the problem from a distance so you'll get a better perspective.
Hi Bob and Feyma,
True, the woman being a widow was not considered … that changes a lot in this fellow's equation. However I would also caution this is one of the most frequent scams, even for Filipina/Filino marriages … faked death certificates. The "dead" husband then somehow comes back to life, making the new spuse, among other things an adulterer and a bigamist.
My wife and I used to participate actively in several large forums dedicated to helping Fil-Am marriages. Eventually we both quit because the magnitude of many of the problems just seemed to overwhelm us. Hope this fellow actually has clear sailing. The other issues remain re: the visa and Philippine working permissions … until he is able to marry.
I see a lot of comments re: sari-sari stores. This is about the last effort I would think of. Sari-sari stores produced astoundingly small rates of return. Most families who run them do so because the mom is home with the kids in the day anyway and the dad can sit and watch TV and man the store at night … so any profit is "gravy". very few can produce even a living Filipino wage however … most are just supplementing someone's income or avoiding the cost of daycare.
This fellow analyizes a lot of income opportunities … from a Filipino perspective. http://entrepinoys.blogspot.com/2006/04/ofpreneur…
It's worthwhile to note that even though he's a Filpino and has done all this research he isn't in buisness in the Phils .. he works and an OFW. There might be a message there, diba?
Hi Dave Starr – I have also read the Entrepinoys blog, and it can be an interesting read! Thanks for pointing that one out, it's a good resource.
Hi Feym,
As the saying goes, "When hunger knocks at the door, love flies out the window."
Hi Kiarizona,
Never heard of "sira-sira store" before. That is soooo funny! 😆
Hi Everybody – Thank you so much on making the time to answer this man's problem. I know it help him a lot. I will forward it to him for him to see what's our thoughts. Up to him to decide what's best for him to do.
Once again thank you so much.
Hi Feyma,
I wish your reader (this man) the best of luck.
As a tribute to what seems to be a very strong love for his Filipino-wife-to-be, let me share this poetry. I think it is so appropriate for both of them.
May they find solace & strength in these words as they face their challenges. May their love for each other never wane.
The Invitation
===========
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999
Feyma,
I'm the same age as this guy and there is noooo way that I'm ready to make the permanent move to the Phils. Even if I saved for the next 5 years I still wouldn't have enough. He has the future of his family to consider (and not just his present heartache).
His best course of action is to continue working in the US and visit the Phils whenever he can. If he can find some contract work in the US it would give him more flexibility to visit Phils. He could gradually increase the time he spends in the Phils until he is ready to make the permanent move.
Well, what would people consider enough in terms of lump sum for a man 40 years old like the person described?
I agree 10K is not enough, unless the person is well skilled farmer who is skilled and interested in raising pigs (piggery).
And I don't think he can work in U.S. and continue to visit Phil until he has "enough" money, because he is 40+ years old, and only has 10k to his name. This means his income is very small. Thus, there is no way he could ever save enough money to live here if he visits Phil as "often as he could."
Obviously this guy is confused, Feym! My take on this is that he's got to focus on the ff.
1. inquire on the processes for adoption for the older kids and petition fiancee visa, including that of the baby (new) soon to come
2. stay in the US and perhaps occasionally visit the Phils because of his limited income while processing and waiting for all the paperworks.
Hi Everybody- I got an e-mail from this fellow again. He told me that with the $10k he has to use some of it to get here to the Philippines again .He said it's more harder right now being away to his lady. I told him to read all our comments here for him because its really useful for him. I just hope that he won't be sorry later.
I really hope he will think hard and pray before making any decisions right now. I guess all we can say for now is good luck to him.
Thanks again guys for making the time to comment.
Feym,
You are really a genuinely caring person. I see that in you as you continue to guide this person. You and Bob are doing a magnificent job thru this blog, of giving guidance, hope, of giving the rest of us a 'cyberhome' to "come home to" when we want to break away from our real concerns of the day. May you continue to be blessed.
On the subject again of this guy:
1) his greatest challenge is masterminding his 'mindset' — that is enemy #1 of anyone with a problem that s/he is trying to resolve. As Einstein said, "you cannot resolve a problem with the same mindset that created it." So work on the mindset — if he can do that, the rest of the actions will be easier. (Note, I said "easier" not easy… I understand how our emotional being can play havoc on our lives.)
So, he needs to work on this. As difficult as it is — yes, to be away from a beloved is torture. To be with a beloved and still not be able to provide is just as torturous. So which way does he go?
His dilemma is not unlike that of the many Filipino fathers and mothers leaving their loved ones to seek the mighty $$ overseas for the economic prosperity of those who are in the Philippines.
2) He might benefit from some free "immigration" consultation from the many Filipino newspapers in the US. I don't know what state he's from but papers like Manila Mail or Philippine News have extensive "Immigration" section with staff lawyers answering them. Probably he can write to them for free help. (Save the fees on lawyers for now.) I quickly googled and I see some online editions. Manila Mail for instance is at: http://manilamaildc.net/
BTW, on Jae's comment that probably this guy's income is small. That's why I was asking about his skill set. What does he do for a living now? Maybe we can come up with some more ideas, if he cares to share more about his background.
More luck to him. There's always a resolution to every problem. One just needs to be open-minded and open to opportunities from everywhere.
Best,
-Angie
You can't assume that this guy has a low income just because of his age and the amount of money he has at his disposal.
I offer myself as an example.
Laurence,
We must distinguish income vs. assets. Although, I for one, did not assume anything initially, but I was just following up on Jae's comment that this person has a low income.
Okay, for the sake of clarity, let's narrow down the scope. He has $10K of disposable money that he is willing to bring with him when he relocates. Is that enough? No, it isn't.
But then let's extrapolate further. If he has other assets that can be converted to cash *now* and if he is so desperately wanting to be with his beloved, then we would not be having this conversation. For indeed there would be no money issues.
I think the keywords in the article are: "start life over." So, if one were to start life over in another country, surely this person would be willing to convert most of his convertible assets into cash so he can really start life over.
The low-income phrase (by Jae) might have been inappropriate. Would it be more accurate to say, "it seems this person is not in a good financial position" to handle his immediate challenges.
Angie,
Perhaps I should detail my position. Maybe this guy has a similar background and it will assist him.
I divorced when I was 30 and spent the next 10 years doing a lot of travel and spending a lot. I never invested in property because I just wasn't interested. However, during this time (and presently) I was earning a high income. We have compulsory retirement savings in Aus and so I have money locked away which I can access at age 60.
When I met my Filipino wife (in HK) I was down to my last $1,000. We still don't have much money because we have travelled a lot together. We are planning on moving to Phils in approx 7 years. As I said, I earn a high income and estimate that I can save enough in the next 7 years to afford to retire to Phils. I only need enough to tide me over until I receive my retirement savings at age 60.
The reason that we want to make the move in 7 years is because we want our future kids to start their schooling in Phils. If my saving does not go to plan then there is the option that my wife and future kids could still move and I could do contract work in Aus and split my time between Aus and Phils until I can afford the permanent move.
Hmm, I didn't know one had to use financially accurate terminologies to post here. I used "low income" in loose sense. The correct term should have been, low "net" income. Both of you have low net income. You have high income, but so is your expenses, thus you have low net income. As for the original guy, I get the feeling he is not similar to you. He just doesn't strike me as someone who is free-spending guy, and he is desperate for money. You, on the other hand, say you have no money but appear content that you are not desperate for money. If you read the original post, there is a sense of real desperation–desperate desire to live in Phil with his woman, but simply can't because walang pera.
This guy’s situation sound quite similar to mine apart from the fact he has more money. 🙂 I'm from the UK and I’m 30 years and I too have a Girlfriend that was married before and has a kid from that marriage, I am living in the Philippines with her and her kid at the moment,
The first time I came to the PI was 3 years ago I only had £3000 (apx $6000) I was able to make some money with an online business that helped a bit, but I was treating it too much like a holiday and after a year business was bad and the money ran out and I had to go back to UK to work it was heartbreaking I only got a low paid job in the UK but after 7 months I had only saved £1000 but I came right back again I have been working online to make money and have stayed for a year so far,
I don’t think the biggest problem is the marriage annulment as I feel that is sensible to wait as long as possible to get to know your partner well especially under the circumstances but if his heart is set on coming and if there is no pension coming soon or no other source of income I think that his main focus should be trying building an online business that he can operate from the PI.
It won’t be easy if it all goes wrong and he has to return to the states and start again but on the other hand it could be soul destroying to wait for the amount of time it might take to earn enough to stay for good by just trying to save in the US.
Maybe sometimes in life we have to make some leaps of faith.
hi Feyma lovely site you have here i have been to philippines about 7 times now im from the U K i am moving over there in april for good although it will be on a tourist visa as i cant afford the residental stay which is ok i dont mind i will just have to renew visa every 2 months i have been seeing girl from manila for about 18 months now and i do believe her love for me but she wants to move in apartment i have rented i know filipina are like any aother race and loyal but i have told her i am not her pesronell bank for her and her family which she told me knows and that does not bother her i am asking for your opinion as a filipina how should i approach this should i be cautious thanks for reading me mail
malcolm
Feyma & Bob, love ur website. It has some good sources of information for people interested in the Philippines. Keep up the good work. In regards to the guy needing help, i know it is very late to comment ( I spent 8 months in Pinoy & I just came back to OZ) but I wish him much luck. He has a mountain to climb. It is not until you live in the Philippines that you begin to understand the country. I loved the country because I lived like a Pinoy and not an incanto ( foreigner ). The right Philippina is a real treasure, my advice is, go through the trials needed it is worth it.