I am talking now about employing a younger maid in our household. A lot of them came from the province with little education. They have to work because their parents can’t afford for them to continue their education. Most of them came from a very large family I mean large with 8-10 siblings in the family. Some had to make the sacrifice of not continuing their education to give way for the older or younger siblings, or the smartest kid in the family.
I’ve employed some of them. Feeling sorry for them because its not their fault to be born that way. When we first moved here my gosh I really had a hard time adjusting to that situation. We had a maid that was young and wanted to be in school. So a lot of times you tell them that if you work with us for certain months or a year maybe the next school year you will enroll them. Some were trilled others were just not interested. The are scared to go to school again being that they are the oldest in the class. Some classmates might make fun of them or bully them. I’ve always told them that its in your advantage being the oldest because they will listen to you. Still it doesn’t work out though. Some of their parents will not agree with the kids going back to school because the money that they were sending home will be less then.
More and more maids now are getting younger and younger when they are employed. The parents really have a hard time earning money. Some kids go for a maid at the age of 14 or 15. Some kids would even lie how old they are just to get the job. A bit scary for the employers though. To be honest we had a young man before when we used to live in GenSan. He applied to be a houseboy, his name was Greggy. He must be around 16 or 17 years old. But he was small in size because of lacking of nutrition and having worked hard for the family. He was the neighbor of my parents. He was really not in good shape when I first saw him. I told my sister I can’t accept this kid because for one reason he is young and for #2 reason he just so small that I think he can’t really do the job. After I said those word I saw the willingness and the determination of this kid. With what I saw I told him that I would give him a test. So I told Greggy that if you can push that front gate in our house without having a hard time I will hire you right away. Wow I saw the spark in his eyes and he showed me and my sister that he had the strength to opened the gate. So right there and then I hired Greggy. See our gate on our house in GenSan somehow it so hard to open, the wheels just get stuck lots of times, but Greggy managed to open it. He also had some hearing problems but it got better later with the good food and some care. He really turned out to be a fine man. Of all the helpers and the houseboys we have had, Greggy is one that I can be proud of. Bob and I really taught him a lot. We treated him like our family. It was hard to say goodbye to him. He had to leave because of family reason and one of my nieces was kind of mean to him. The kids love him deeply even my mother-in-law loved him too. Greggy stayed with us for almost 7 years. Greggy really was so thankful of the stuff we taught him. He always says that to my family and friends. It really is a good feeling to know that.
For 10 years of living here we have gone through so many maids. They will do really good at first, then they got distracted with TV, computer and other stuff then they don’t care if the job gets done or not. I now don’t want my maids to play on the computer. I’ve discover my maids posting not pleasant pictures on the net. We had a few young maids that when they first came here to the house they didn’t know a thing. We really took the time to teach them and some really were thankful for the teaching. Some of them used the knowledge that they learned from us and have a better life later. Some were just so lazy and don’t want to work hard and they end up going back the life that they had before or worse. Some of them I really felt sorry for because they really don’t have the desire to change their life. They think that they will just be a maid forever. That’s what they have been learning and knowing with friends. They will not continue on with their education because its costly. I will always tell our maid a story of a dear friend’s cousin who worked as a maid. She studied and work her way up to be a nurse with no monkey business around. That is another good and learning story to tell.
Anyway, really its not a reason to be young or old to work as a maid. It is the willingness and the desire to work. Nothing wrong to be working as a maid. You can earned the knowledge from it and apply to your life later. Lots of them that had the desire succeed in life. I’ve known and met a lot of them here and in my 10 years stay in the States.
Mabuhay!
I feel sorry for the lazy ones. I mean, it’s a problem, but I don’t think they are even able to think about they cost of their laziness. Most kids live in the moment. I would think cutting entertainment sources, and giving remidners of ‘at home life’ would respark the reality… maybe.
Hi Jawz – Laziness is really a big problem nowadays though. Then comes the TV shows, soap opera ( they call it here teleserye).Lots of the shows from Korea, Mexico. Actors from those other countries but they had the voice change into Tagalog. My gosh, the youngsters really are hook to it. I had a maid that was hook to it before. I can’t have her watch TV while we are cooking dinner.
Not sure of reminding where they came from really help. I think they have to have the drive and desire to succeed really to achieve what they want in life.
Good to see you here again. How are you doing? Take care!
feyma,
i like your blog and it reflect what kind of family i had. We experienced working at a young age just to educate ourselves and to have a good life someday. We tried to overcome the poverty that we faced before, though we still poor on this time.But my family always hoping to live with sufficient income and to provides our own needs.
How Young is Too Young? You should fix that.
My bad… I let that pass me by! Thanks for the heads up, Carl.
Carl – Thanks. Too much in my mind. 😉
Hi Feyma,
Concerning returning someone to school, I believe there is also a program known there as ” Sunday School “. Not the kind of ” Sunday School ” most Americans like myself would think of as being Church School in learning about religion.
My understanding of ” Sunday School ” in the Philippines is exactly for some of those you have described in your article. For those who for what ever reason could not finish formal education in a traditional school setting. Also for the most part age is not a factor in Philippines ” Sunday School ” and it is also offered at a much more affordable cost than a more traditional full time school situation. Upon completion, the credentials from ” Sunday School ” are accepted as similar to or the same as from a traditional school.
Please feel free to correct me on any of this if I am not correct.
Hi Bob New York – Yes Sunday school is pretty popular nowadays. I had niece and nephew that finished high school and college in Sunday school. It really worked out good for them. I’ve known lots of people too that had their maid studies in Sunday school.
Yes thats how the Sunday school the way you described it.
Thank you for your nice comment. Take care!
My wife believes that a Filipina should not hire a young maid, if she is married. With the number of maid/male employer affairs I have witnessed, I must concur. As my wife will not be with me for much of the first two years that I am there, I fully expect to have an 80 year old maid! Truthfully, we rarely had issues when living in Davao before, though we had 5 maids, all around the age of 16. Aside from room & board, we sent the maids to university & gave them bonuses, periodically, so that they could assist their families.
The worst of these five maids is now our sister-in-law. My, then 26 year old, brother-in-law placed himself & our maid in the path of my wife’s “moral typhoon”, resulting in them being banned from the family home. My answer was to sit down with our maids & encourage them to use condoms if they were sexually active. Can you imagine the discomfort felt by all in that conversation, Feyma? LOL But, I felt that this was a more realistic approach than to tell them not to have sex while they were working for us. I developed this believe when out bar-hopping with friends and running into two of our maids at a local hang-out. How involved should an employer get in the maid’s personal life? I suggest to all male foreigners that it is better to have your wife, girlfriend, etc., deal with maids. The only times I will involve myself, in the future, will be if I feel my wife is being too tough on a maid or if the maid is, imho, not working out. Let’s face it, most maids become a part of the family. They deserve the same level of respect that I would show my sister/mother-in-law. If young, they need guidance, not molestation or brutality. Remember, these young women will remember the experience of working for you, for the rest of their lives. Their impression of foreigners will be based on their exposure to you & your foreign friends, as will their future opinions. It isn’t all that different to running a business in other parts of the world. If you haven’t earned the respect of your employees, you are in for a nightmare of a time. Finally, one must consider that being a maid in a foreigner’s home has a greater learning curve than working in a Filipino home.
Hi Mike – I’ve known and seen some friends that won’t hire younger maids. With me and Bob it just not a problem. I’m always the one working with the maids in the house. I had my nieces here helping me in the kitchen. I trained my niece on the kitchen pretty well. Bob trained my other nice to be his assistant on the BBQ department. They worked well together. One niece been with us for 7 years now and the other niece and nephew been with us for almost 5 years now. 2 of them we sent to school the other one was already finished being a teacher when she came and worked for us. Pretty soon she will be taking up special class or review for the board examination.
I know what you mean about banning somebody at the house. It happened really a lot here in the Philippines. With a family member having sex with a maid? Tell me about it. It happened a lot too. And it happened here in our household too. The sad part was my nephew was serious about the relationship and the maid was just playing with him. I’m glad he found out early in the relationship. The maid had another relationship while involved with my nephew. Yes its an uncomfortable thing to be in with the conversation with the maid and the family involved.
We know of a guy that gets involved with his maid. And know another guy that let his young maid give him a massage. Both of them I don’t agree with but nothing we can do about it. They are big boys and can handle themselves when trouble comes. But I really discourage men especially foreigner not to do what these 2 guys I’ve mentioned doing. Might be trouble later though.
Good to see you again Mike. Thank you for the nice comment and story. Take care!
Hi Feyma,
We also had the misfortune of a family member/maid affair. My conservative wife was pretty upset to say the least. Fortunately, it was her family member involved and the end result was that it caused a freeloader to be shamed into moving out. I expressed relief that if this young lady was of this nature that it was good that she was gone before she had a chance to accuse me of any wrong doing. I shuddered at the thought that she might make an accusation even though I would surely reject any advances by her. I explained to Marie that even if I was totally innocent any accusation would cause permanant damage to our relationship and my reputation. I heard a story that is spread around our barrio that an old American that used to live here was a touchy feely pervert. I asked how that conclusion was made. I was told that a taxi driver made that observation. I suggested that maybe the old man was just cheap and didn’t give a tip so maybe now his reputation is damaged. It was agreed that nobody else ever saw any bad behavior but the tismis continues.
The thing that bothered me with our scandal was that my wife was quick to label the maid as being of poor morals but her relative was unscathed. I pointed out that this young lady was easily led by this older man and thought she was in love so in my mind she was his victim. She lost her job and reputation but the man had no penalty. His only penalty is his secret nickname of Tatay Pediphile that some people have given him.
We are lucky to have two scandal free helpers that are assigned to take care of the two olds and some houskeeping. They are both relatives so this helps to keep the moral compass pointed in the right direction.
Well put about the learning curve for working in a foreigners home Mike. 16 is a fine age to start working but I have been in business for myself now for a long time and have come to expect certain things from employees. But people have to remember if you want someone that does everything for you you really need a personal assistant. A maid is there to clean the house Period. I think this job can be done by just about anyone and I don’t expect a lot from a maid so young or old is of no concern to me; only desire to work and willingness to to the job at hand.
I believe everyone goes thought maids regularly there, as everyone I have talked to have the same problems. And I believe its good to not have one around for very long so they don’t get set in there ways about how things are done and don’t get lazy.
Hi Jack – Can’t argue there.
Take care!
I just don’t get why it so hard to keep a maid. I am not bragging or anything, but it is really easy in my house because both my wife and I work and are not there all day, and I don’t have any children — and I have a washing machine and dryer — and the house is airconditioned — yet they last at most 4 to 5 months!
Hi Miguk – Wow everything you described was really good but why just 4-5 months? They should stay with you in years since not much to do. Do you just employ 1 maid? Some don’t stay because they are scared to be alone in the house. I heard that statement lately by a maid of my friend. I told her if it would be me I would rather be alone in the house so that I get my job done immediately. I don’t have to rely on others to do it. Really hard to figure them out.
Good to see you again. Haven’t seen you here in awhile.
Take care!
I don’t know why either….the job is too easy. Maybe they don’t like my cats hahahaha
This is not on topic, “how young is too young”, but more about maids in general. We more or less do not have one in the sense you all seem to be talking aobut. We employ two people around the house: my wife’s aunt in the garden and a man who cleans the house for three hours in the morning and then works outdside. My wife scrubs the two bathrooms each day since she cannot get anyone here to do it right (according to her standards). She also does all the cooking, with help in cutting vegetables from her aunt. My wife’s mother does all the washing (we have a washer and drier) and ironing (not much). We’ve had this arrangement for ten years. no problems. We pay the man 175/day (going rate around out house is 120/day) and the live-in aunt 125/day with 200/week put in a savings account that she cannot touch until she is 65.
Our problem is students. My wife’s family comes “from the mountians”, the poorest part of one of the poorest provinces in the Philippines. We have supported up to five students in high school (there is none in their town in the mountains). they live in my wife’s old family house (her family lives with us). We pay for everything for them: clothes, school fees, medical, food, transportation, and so on. in exchange we expect them to workk one day per week for us, one day helping around the town, and an hour per day after school. After finishing high school we will send them to a TESDA course.
To summarize: a disaster. Only one has made it through TESDA (trained as an electrician) and after a year working as an electrician in the capital, he went back to the mountains. Another one is now at TESDA. the other ten: went home (missed their families or did not like to water the flowers or we kicked them out for stealing or drunkenness).
Any ideas of how to make this work?
Hi ProfDon – I’m happy that it worked out good for you guys.
Hey with helping the family, Bob and I share our sentiments with you. We have the same problems with our nieces before. No thank you or anything from them. At the end they will blamed you for their misfortune. Try to really see who deserves to be help. You can’t afford helping all of them. Try to be careful also.
Take care!
The whole lack of thank you really irritates me. Extended family comes unannounced, expects to be feted, and don’t have the courtesy to say thank you when they leave. Is that a cultural thing? Is it just expected cause it is family and I have more than them?
My wifes Mother has a saying,” If they dont want to learn they deserve whatever they get.” Roughly translated I think.
She is tough on them and even tougher on her kids, and they thank her for it. She gives them 2 chances and they are out cold.
My wifes mother only takes kids that ask (beg) her to send them to school. This way they are more appreciative.
Hi Jack – Good for your mother-in-law. I wished I’d thought of that before sending some of my nieces to a good school.
Cheers!
To be honest i have a large family and we dont have any sources of income except my father working in other farm. We dont have any choice to educate ourselves. At age of 10 we started to work as working student with different employers just to educate ourselves and looking forward to have a good life. Some of my siblings graduated from college and some from Vocational.
Its very hard to work at a young age but it help us to look forward and to aim high. It give us encouragement to do our best and to experience a life like the life of our employer.
By God’s grace we keep moving to a life that we wanted to happened.
God bless !
Felix
Hi Felix – Wow, you really worked hard at an early age. We had similar back ground being parents as a farmer. I helped out at our farm during my grade school days.
It really comes down to the desire and willingness to succeed.
Happy to see you here. Take care!
Feyma,
Great article. You have the correct approach with working with the maids. A younger person needs guidance and supervision in any job. It will help them later in life.
This article got me interested in vocational training programs in the Philippines. With the deep cutbacks for medicare and various elder services in the U.S., I am considering permanently retiring to the Philippines in my advanced years. Hiring maids/helpers will be a necessity.
I am pleased to find out that TESDA (Technical Education and Skills Development Authority) has certified training programs in household services and caregivers. I read about TESDA in one of Feyma’s posts. Thanks for a most informative website. Has anyone employed any certified household workers or caregivers from the graduates of TESDA?
I need to correct my comment. ProfDon made the post for TESDA.
I know this is a bit late to make a comment but at the time this wrote I just didn’t have much to say, now I do.
I think 16 is much too young for a child to be out of school.
After coming here last year my wife Meriam did all the work around the house. That was OK but I wanted to spend some time with her, not watching her do all the house work. So we hired a helper. She had just turned 23 and wanted to be a high school math teacher. That was fine with us. Meriam knew her family for a long time as they lived lived just a block away from her mom and dad in CDO. 18 months later she is still working for us. She works full time for us and goes to school full time at night. She is smart! Is it easy? I sure wouldn’t want to do what she is doing but in the long run she will have a better life. She is the first in her family to go to college. I am proud of her!!
I hope in some little way I am helping at least one person here in the Philippines. Plus I get to spend more time with my wife Meriam. Double plus good.
73 de kb0ni
AKA – Gary
😀
thanks for the post maam feyma .. i remember back 7 years ago i transfer to manila to work as a house boy never graduated high school.. but i learn a lot from my dutch boss i remember the first few month i only can answer yes and no.
Hi ben – I’m glad you like it. I’m really happy for your determination. You will succeed in no time. Good that you’re grateful of the good things you’ve learned from you boss before. Good for you.
Keep it up. You will be one of the big boss later.
Much as I would like to hire a maid, I just can’t find myself to trust one-not even relatives. Nope. There’s so many incidents here in Manila about crimes involving maids mostly inside jobs and I sure don’t wanna be part of the statistics. So I still do all the housechores and its ok with me coz we don’t have kids.
Hi sue-lang – I can’t blame you for that. A foreigner was just murdered here recently. It happened inside his house in a gated and well secured subdivision. Rumors was, it might be somebody from people that really close to him. Who knows really. Incidents like that totally scares a lot of people here in the Philippines.
To be honest if it just me and Bob I don’t need any house help. I was fine in the States for 10 years without help with bigger house chores to take care of. Only thing here my kids had different activities and someone has to keep an eye on them.
Anyway, good to see you here. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Thanks Feyma 🙂
Feyma,the part of your story about Greggy was heart warming & puso felt. Re: Maids.I lived with a successful middle aged couple for a while in Binan Laguna. Their maid “Lynn” married their son. Her family were squatters. She improved her life through marriage via her work as a maid. I liked Lynn.She was quiet & hard working. She got up very early in the morning & always had everything ready for a nice breakfast. She always had lunch & dinner ready right on time.She cleaned the CR,dishes,floors etc.etc araw araw (every day). She washed & ironed everyone’s clothes by hand. She went to the market often.When I moved into the house,her work load increased. I was never sure if her pay increased because she was taking care of me,but I assumed not. Therefore,even though Lynn and I couldn’t communicate well,I secretly left small money for her,when she would come to make/change my bed & pick up clothes to wash. I never told her employers that I was slipping her a bit of money about once a week. I was really grateful to her for making my life so easy & pleasant. She later married their son. The son was a bit disabled & close to Lynn in age. The marriage seemed to be genuine & appeared to benefit both.
Hi all newbie here. I have read the comments above and I can relate to so many of you so called ‘Kanos’ in other words foreigners whether you are an American or not.
Yes yes yes ………..its so true culture difference makes things so difficult however you need to stick to your guns and speak up don’t let it go by anymore. If something about their attitude bothers you speak your mind. I have experienced many of the things you mentioned above, from the lack of gratitude such as thank you to the expecting you to foot the bill for everyone ever single time. In the first few years I bit my tongue and just complained about it to my wife but I have learnt that unless you put your foot down and put an end to it they will keep taking advantage of you repeatedly and whats more they are so damn ungrateful. Imagine this I bought my wife a Jeep for her to earn some income she thought it was a good idea to let her brothers drive it and all she would have to do is collect the rental. After 2 years of abuse and not paying the rent and asking for money for repairs etc. I forced her to sell it and leave her brothers jobless. I was sick of how they had no respect for her or me and blatantly ran this Jeep to the ground took all the ticket sales and grossly underpaid he the rent due and sometimes didn’t pay at all.To top it all whenever we were visiting her family and asked to be taken back home in ‘our’ Jeep I would actually be asked to pay for the fuel to take me back home. Enough is enough these people ignorant cheeky and have no shame and no pride. I have since cut off all relations with them. Now they don’t see a single centavo from me. I just feel sorry for my wife who is caught in the middle of this …….they are her “family” if you can call them that and I am her hubby. I really cannot understand these people and its not because they are poor they are just this way, because we had a maid who was poor really poor and from the mountains and she was so so different so appreciative and so willing to co-operate and never once did take advantage. She really was like family and not her brothers.