In November I wrote about a man I met and called him Mr. Missouri, but do to time limitations, I left out the flipside to the story. I’ll preface it by saying my circle of friends have all been married for quite awhile, which makes perfect sense as none of us is a kid anymore.
But here is something I notice about myself and each of us. If we see each other we also see our wives. Not one of us is henpecked it’s just the way it is. The subject of just us guys getting together and scooter popping around town without them has just never come up.
There is always a meal involved in our get-togethers and our ladies enjoy that, the ladies also all like each other, and they like the fact that no harm can come to us (The Old Kano’s) while they are present. (You know what I mean by harm!) Plus they are all designated drivers, and we like that because it’s is safe for us and the folks along the roadway. After lunch the ladies might ziggy to the mall or the nail salon, and leave us to spin sea stories with each other. After they have vetted the wait staff, and they can vet far better than John Kerry and his sloppy crew.
I know that I’ve been asked (I can’t speak about the other guys) why I can’t get out by myself? I have no set answer my best thought on the subject is, I guess I could if that’s what I really wanted to do. But so far it’s not. I have acquaintances all around the area that go out by themselves and hang around, and seem content. But when I see them in a restaurant I do wonder where their wife is? (Yes I know they are married or involved) Maybe it’s cheaper feeding just one. But it is really none of my business, albeit they have no problem questioning my business.
I was single the major portion of my life, and when I got married I remember all the mistakes I and others had made over the years and decided that since I’ve already made those errors there was no need to repeat them.
My friend’s reasons are their own, for why they do it the same way as I, but I do see them and their ladies laughing together a lot. And that is a sign of a healthy relationship to me. Nothing is more important than shared humor (American spelling)
My first wife (For a very short period of time) had no sense of humor at all; hell I did some funny stuff while we were married and she never saw the humor in it, she just got angry. She missed me after I was gone, not because she liked me, but now she had no one to complain about and be angry at. (Then two years ago she wanted to friend me on Facebook) She must have been lonely again.
All marriages are an adjustment, feeling your way through at the beginning is the most important. Example: When a woman visited my domicile, the first thing I said to them was; “When you’re done please put the seat back up!” At their place I’d always put the seat back down. That ended that foolish argument from day one.
The first thing Mayang noticed was my refusal to argue. This worked for me throughout my Navy and Merchant marine careers. When in an argument you of course could get angry. When angry your mood will be changed. Meaning you have, just given the other person the power to alter your demeanor. I refuse to give that power to anyone. Here on Lip of Facebook, if someone became rude, I go into hyper polite mode and hold the upper ground. No matter what they say or how nasty they get. Here is my theory: When you get angry you have lost by default, that person changed you so they win!
It might sound odd but in our first year of marriage my wife became angry, the feet were tapping, her face was getting red and the volume of her voice raised an octave or two. I smiled at her took a cold beer and before I walked away I told her that no discussion could take place until she calmed down and spoke to me as if she loved me. I’ve never raised my voice to her as I follow the same rule. You can believe me or not but we do not argue. But I’ve found that when she is calm and approaches me, I’ll gladly take the blame and apologize even if I know I’m right. Here is something that never works with any lady: “Honey if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen!” (Don’t try this at home)
Because it is a marriage not a contest, it’s kinda funny that way.
Nice writing. Good wisdom here.
Rob’
Thank you sir!
The same here Paul. I am very content and happy.
Greg;
I really feel that most of us are!
Hi Paul, good post being married to a Filipina there’s always some misunderstandings ,
I think it’s a cultural thing i don’t bother arguing anymore can’t see the point,
My ex wife I haven’t seen in 30 years and I hope I don’t see her again lol ,
We all make mistakes in life nobody’s perfect, we are enjoying life in the Philippines
Despite the traffic in Manila, made me laugh your ex wife wanting to be your friend on
Facebook, ?you’ve made my Monday morning, Derek in pasig.
Derek;
Being married to my ex-wife was like hitting my head repeatedly with a large hammer; it could only have felt better when I stopped.
People find it hard to believe I won’t argue, but I will discuss up and to the point that the oppression becomes angry, and then I declare myself the winner and have another beer. (Just kidding)
I like being in a good mood and won’t for any reason. Mayang is not only used to it, now she likes it.
Nice touch , take the level head approach
Michael;
I’m not that sure about level headed, but it has worked for me during my adult life (After my ex-wife) and my working career. But yes; it still works today.
Paul,
Wonderful article. I agree with you. If I go somewhere I prefer my wife to be at my side. And if she needs to go I feel much better if I am with her rather than sitting at home worrying. And those that laugh together stay together and are happier.
Luke;
There is no advice that you need, you already have it figured out.
We were sitting today when I get: OH BTW there is a typhoon coming today! Really my love when were you going to tell me? Honey KO! I just did!
Okay, I guess I’ll take the big tent down and put the lawn furniture away. Paul while you do that I’ll restock fuel for the generator. No words have been spoken in anger about the late notice, as they would have solved nothing! We’re ready now and my beer ref (Thank goodness) was already fully stocked. I’m enjoying my beer, she’s watching YA-YA Dub on Eat Bulaga, it’s just that simple. (lol)
My Problem and my buddies problems are….when we ALL””” go out together or hook up at one of our houses is…The girls go their way and talk there way ..Us guys are elsewhere having our cheers….And even at occasions (Birthdays etc) It’s the same way with all the girls that are attending it’s like a culling of the herd..However if it’s just me and my best buddy and his wife who is best friends with his wife … it is a different story … but,,,,, still they go off some with their language…If we get them buzzed enough no problem……hahahaha
Lenny;
Of course our ladies will sit and yak-yak away from us (But close enough to see) while me and my buddies discuss the fate of the world. When we gather at each other’s house the guys gather at the Mancave and the girls around the TV after we all have lunch. It’s part of the fun of living in the Philippines.
Great article Paul. And the pictures sure brought back recent memories of good times with good friends.. Makes us yearn to catch the next plane headed that way.. Florinda looks forward to our trips to Subic as much as she does going home..
Some of my life experiences have been the same as yours. In the late 80’s I went through 2 divorces in as many years. I came to the conclusion that either I was just not good at the husband thing or I needed to thoroughly review my selection criteria… That was the start of what turned out to be a 23 year bachelor lifestyle until I met my life partner about 3 hours northeast of you. Although I enjoyed my bachelor years very much, those days are a distant blur and it is now hard to think of a day that my wife was not by my side..
Funny how friendships evolve and change over ones life… I have friends that are married and single but I have experienced that the core circle of friendships share similar lifestyles and are likeminded in many ways… When I was single all those years my married friends wives did not want their husbands hanging out with “tha beer drinking, woman chasin’ dawg”. And after I married a few single friends have faded because I will not leave my wife at home alone to hang at the sports bar all night…. But like you Paul, I am happy being with my wife and only accept social settings that she will be comfortable also…
You, Tommy and Loren drink a few cold smb’s for me.. Florinda sends her regards to yall and the wives… She got excited when she saw the pics. And I like being close to her when that happens!! Thanx for the windfall my friend:):)
Hey Billy;
Great to hear from you, a very Merry Christmas in Florida to you guys. Tommy, Loren and I have a problem. You left that 1.75 Captain Morgan Gold reserve; I know you only drink beer so I waited until Loren and Tommy were in town to share it. We are still debating when. (lol)
We were at By-the-Sea and were talking about you two (In a fond way!) (lol). All is well here we are supposed to have a typhoon today; I’m going to Texas Joe’s for lunch.
One of the reasons I retired from sea when I did was my travelling wasn’t as much fun, as it was when I was single. We smart guys know when to adjust!
And Merry Christmas to all of you also.. If I still have a vote from 9000 miles away, I vote to let the Captain sail!! For my three best friends to be together and let a virgin bottle of Captain Morgan go unmolested would constitute nothing less than alcohol abuse in my opinion:) Me thinks this just makes it unanimous, coz I suspect the Captain may already be in the wind 🙂
The adjustment that you speak is already in progress for me… Just turned 61 last month so 1 year away from drawing my SS check.. Remember sharing your navymans advice for eliminating ones “anchors” over many san miguels the last couple of visits?? … Appreciate that golden nugget.. Pretty much debt free this fall from a few chump change accounts, mostly from our trip last april… And after the first of the year, the few livestock I have for my agriculture exemption will be finding their way to the market or freezer… By this time next year, we will be able to shut down the house and leave at will… As long as the peso’s agree:)
I know you are well prepared for the typhoon, so enjoy your lunch at Texas Joe’s…. Beer-thirty for me in about an hour, so I will pretend they are smb and were sitting at the table with yall…
Billy;
Since By-the-Sea Resort allows us to bring put own bottle on Friday night Mongolian BBQ we’ll drink it then. We all were there last week, but we can do it again.
As I said waiting until you are 67 to apply for SSA will give you a larger piece of the pie 5 years later, if we are guaranteed we’ll still be here, a pig in a poke is what that plan reminds me of.
Paul,
Good advice i try to follow most of the time. Where ever we go Anne is always with me. Always a lot more fun and wouldn’t have it any other way. Plus it wouldn’t be right to leave her alone by herself. I still get upset every so often, but i am a work in progress and improving myself. We are getting a lot of rain from the typhoon right now as we are on the Northern edge of it. You guys should be alright up there, just a little rain. Hopefully no brownouts. We want to visit Subic again sometime, but will be pretty busy the next few month’s and should be going back to the States by March. Miss that good food at Texas Joes! You Mayang and your family have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful prosperous New Year.
Papaduck;
My anger theory goes back to the 1960’s and I still work on it today. So I guess I’m also a work in progress. As for the non typhoon here in the land of signal ONE storm warning, it was another Storm Signal ZERO, I was just at Texas Joe’s an hour ago. Drizzly day here is all we got. Give a shout when you get back from the land of the Big PX, and have a great Christmas also!
A good follow up Paul. I also learned not to argue. Mostly the hard way. The point of an argument seems to be who wins, not so much what or who is right.
My goodewyfe is not worried if I go out alone. She knows I don’t care for barhopping. I usually end up at the hardware store anyway. A good drink and meal is best shared with her. I get bored silly in the city. When there is a group of us out and about in town, it is usually my wife and I with a bunch of ladies. For everyone’s sanity, I often get kicked out near some museum or historic site with a time and place to meet the car for the trip home.
Take care,
Pete
Pete;
That is but another way of doing it, it’s been hard to find a lot of museums outside of Manila, but the mall is a big draw for our ladies here in the our part of the Philippines. My street running days have long since pasted, and have gone south along with the ducks. But when our group gets together we pretend we remember being wild and free! (LOL)
As for arguing, right or wrong, no one wins!