In November I wrote about a man I met and called him Mr. Missouri, but do to time limitations, I left out the flipside to the story. I’ll preface it by saying my circle of friends have all been married for quite awhile, which makes perfect sense as none of us is a kid anymore.
But here is something I notice about myself and each of us. If we see each other we also see our wives. Not one of us is henpecked it’s just the way it is. The subject of just us guys getting together and scooter popping around town without them has just never come up.
There is always a meal involved in our get-togethers and our ladies enjoy that, the ladies also all like each other, and they like the fact that no harm can come to us (The Old Kano’s) while they are present. (You know what I mean by harm!) Plus they are all designated drivers, and we like that because it’s is safe for us and the folks along the roadway. After lunch the ladies might ziggy to the mall or the nail salon, and leave us to spin sea stories with each other. After they have vetted the wait staff, and they can vet far better than John Kerry and his sloppy crew.
I know that I’ve been asked (I can’t speak about the other guys) why I can’t get out by myself? I have no set answer my best thought on the subject is, I guess I could if that’s what I really wanted to do. But so far it’s not. I have acquaintances all around the area that go out by themselves and hang around, and seem content. But when I see them in a restaurant I do wonder where their wife is? (Yes I know they are married or involved) Maybe it’s cheaper feeding just one. But it is really none of my business, albeit they have no problem questioning my business.
I was single the major portion of my life, and when I got married I remember all the mistakes I and others had made over the years and decided that since I’ve already made those errors there was no need to repeat them.
My friend’s reasons are their own, for why they do it the same way as I, but I do see them and their ladies laughing together a lot. And that is a sign of a healthy relationship to me. Nothing is more important than shared humor (American spelling)
My first wife (For a very short period of time) had no sense of humor at all; hell I did some funny stuff while we were married and she never saw the humor in it, she just got angry. She missed me after I was gone, not because she liked me, but now she had no one to complain about and be angry at. (Then two years ago she wanted to friend me on Facebook) She must have been lonely again.
All marriages are an adjustment, feeling your way through at the beginning is the most important. Example: When a woman visited my domicile, the first thing I said to them was; “When you’re done please put the seat back up!” At their place I’d always put the seat back down. That ended that foolish argument from day one.
The first thing Mayang noticed was my refusal to argue. This worked for me throughout my Navy and Merchant marine careers. When in an argument you of course could get angry. When angry your mood will be changed. Meaning you have, just given the other person the power to alter your demeanor. I refuse to give that power to anyone. Here on Lip of Facebook, if someone became rude, I go into hyper polite mode and hold the upper ground. No matter what they say or how nasty they get. Here is my theory: When you get angry you have lost by default, that person changed you so they win!
It might sound odd but in our first year of marriage my wife became angry, the feet were tapping, her face was getting red and the volume of her voice raised an octave or two. I smiled at her took a cold beer and before I walked away I told her that no discussion could take place until she calmed down and spoke to me as if she loved me. I’ve never raised my voice to her as I follow the same rule. You can believe me or not but we do not argue. But I’ve found that when she is calm and approaches me, I’ll gladly take the blame and apologize even if I know I’m right. Here is something that never works with any lady: “Honey if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen!” (Don’t try this at home)
Because it is a marriage not a contest, it’s kinda funny that way.