I was eating some ice cream the other day and got to thinking about something my Dad taught me 30 years ago. We had driven over to Tampa from Clearwater to a famous Steak House named Bern’s for dinner. The waiter brought the menu to my Father and he quickly went to the dessert section and ordered their renowned German Chocolate cake with ice cream and sauce. The waiter smiled and wrote it down and then took the order for our steaks and drinks. Before the waiter departed my Dad told him he wanted the dessert first.
The waiter looked at me and then back to my Father, so to help the waiter out, and since I too was wondering the same thing, I asked my Dad why. He smiled at the both of us and calmly stated; “I was raised during the depression, and dessert was something we seldom, if ever had.” He went on to explain that now that he was retired and well off, that he refused to wait for his dessert, and that if he ate too much during the meal he might also miss the dessert as he’d have no more room. Now steak can be put into a doggie bag, but not ice cream.
I had grown up with this man, and was not surprised by his logic or his desire to eat his ice cream first. The waiter was not as convinced but he did fulfill my Father’s wishes with a smile, and the knowledge that he’d have a good story to tell his co-workers at the end of his shift.
Now that I’m at the age that he was when he taught me this most valuable life lesson, I will often eat my dessert first and slow down and enjoy my life the way my Dad did. He had also told me that if you had not put yourself into a financial situation so that you may retire at age 55, then you have failed. He retired at 55, and I did it by 53. I guess I had to beat him at one thing in my life, but still he was the one to inspire me to it.
My Dad had chosen Cape Cod in the summer and Clearwater Florida for the winter, and had a full and rich life up until age 86. For me that’s 20 more years from now, but another goal to strive to accomplish.
So here I am in the place I’ve found that makes my life happy, a wife two daughters and grandchildren with an extended family that brings joy to my life. Well there are a couple of them, that I’d have to say; “Not so much.” But all in all the Philippines has been a place of contentment for me.
I won’t be foolish and say its one size fits all, because there will be some people who will never adjust and be comfortable living here, no matter how much they try and convince themselves that they are happy. Hell, I’ve met Filipino’s who no longer want to live here.
So my advice is to learn to eat your dessert first, find something that makes you smile every day, the Philippines might not be for everybody, but it could very well be just the place for you. I think I’ll have some Coffee Ice Cream for breakfast.
Paul, you have so nailed this on the head. Enjoy life now. Find something that makes you happy now.
I won’t be retiring at 55 (but also don’t want to retire at 55). I am also not going to wait until I am retired to enjoy life.
Tom;
That’s the attitude you need to enjoy life, one can retire when they feel like it, as long as they are enjoying themselves.
I worked until I was 49. Have not done much since. Just sorry that it took me so long to move to the Philippines. Yep, living here in Tagum City is dessert. 😛
Gary,
If you count my time in Puerto Rico, between the Navy and the Merchant Marine I could subtract 6 more years from age 55 so we’re even. But who’s counting.
I have yet to meet an Ice Cream I didn’t like and it is good to be happy. It is easy to be happy here in the PH. It is too bad but there are a lot of people that can never be happy anywhere.
Loren;
Isn’t that the truth, I’ve met people who didn’t like “Disney World” (But that’s mostly the French, and they don’t even like themselves) There is no real knack to being happy, if they would just stop being an asshole.
I love desserts and probably have had my desserts first before my meal many times, but, what girlish figure I have left will quickly disappear if I follow this meal regimen!!
What I enjoy next to sweets are flowers, and since I’ve retired (at 56) I seem to be having a lot of luck in surrounding myself with blooming flowers!! I remember sacrificing my lunch when I was a young civil servant so I can I have my cut flowers on my desk every week. Work was more enjoyable when I have flowers nearby. Now, I have it surrounding me, all over. Definitely easier to plant here in Philippines…and have enjoyed playing with dirt.
So you can say I have eye candy anytime of the day! lol! Let
Hi Let;
The desert reference was a metaphor for things that make your day pleasing, as you pointed out flowers do that for you. My family and friends do it for me (And of course ice cold beer) I’ll eat my ice cream, you smell the flowers and we’ll both enjoy our lives to the fullest.
Paul. Yep, Got that! Definitely enjoying life to the fullest here in PI. I have all the time to dabble in planting, sitting, replanting, napping, watching a butterfly, weeding, sipping buko, smelling the sampaguita, climbing a cashew tree, eating a cashew and just letting the cashew juice run down your arms, trying to climb a coconut tree and not succeeding (oh well), digging, dozing off… Life is full (literally and metaphorically) here in the Philippines.
Let;
I had heard that cashews are poisonous until they’re cooked, is that true or an urban legend? (Grew up in a large city so what do I know) But I’ll admit my tree climbing days have passed me by. Our mango tree is picked clean at the end of the season by the kids in my purok, and they like that. My wife has the green thumb in our house; I’m not even allowed to cut the grass.
But dozing and napping, I excel at, and reading in the shade of that Mango tree is another thing I’m good at. (As I end my sentence with a preposition)
But I’m retired and I’ve earned that right!
Paul, I eat the yellow cashew fruit directly off of the tree all the time. You are probably referring to the seed which is the cashew nut, which is on top of the fruit. I twist those off and collect it for someone who knows how to dry, crack open, and roast–so I can ultimately enjoy popping the best testing cashew nut ever in my mouth. Eating the fresh casuy fruit is one of the biggest treat ever…and I die and go to heaven each slobbering bite I take!!!
Let;
So the fruit is safe, and wait for someone else to roast the nut, bless me I love the way you think!
Hi Paul, I have heard that story before and it is good, but I rarely eat dessert so I do the reverse – I enjoy the steak! But I also enjoy the Philippines, and the heat and sunshine is one thing I adore – too much working and living in cold countries, so yes, I am happy here too, but I still eat my steak first. Also, my ice cream is always melted by the time I get around to it, so your way is better in this loverly warm climate. Keep on enjoying life Paul!
John;
If you’ve heard this story before I must be repeating myself, or you were at the next table at Bern’s Steak House. (Lol) It doesn’t matter in which order you enjoy the meal, as long as you enjoy it to the max. I remember that cold winters day at Minot Elementary School in Boston MA., when Mrs. Ahearn my 4th grade teacher explained the equator to me for the first time. What a revelation that was to a ten year old, that there were places on Earth that had no winter. I went in search of them as soon as I could. I’ll eat my Ice Cream quickly, so it won’t melt under that Tropical Philippine Sky!
a lot of good “food for thought” here Paul. Your father was a wise man and I suspect living through the depression had much to do with his mindset. if you use dessert for the quality and happiness in life then we should all have dessert first and always savor your dessert. dessert……key to happiness in life…..i see a connection here. thanks for a happy thought on my lonely and boring Easter. but its ok I am here and healthy and I did have my dessert today.
Donna;
My Dad to me was a special guy in my life, as all dads should be. What I learned from him has carried me smoothly through life, as he taught me and my four Brothers how to succeed and also to enjoy life.
“Food for Thought”, was a great line and I got a smile out of that, one of the great things about the Philippines is the bunny and the eggs have not corrupted the real meaning of the Easter Season here, as it has been in the Western Countries. Stay well, and enjoy your desert!
If I consider my visits to The Philippines as a form of desert to working the rest of the year, thanks to articles like yours and many others here on LIP, it is almost like a take out version of that desert. Will you pass on the Desert First routine to your grandchildren ? LOL I like the reasoning behind that one.
Bob;
I drive my Daughter crazy, as she feeds her son all the food the doctor recommends, and I come along and let him taste the good stuff, like peanut butter, ice cream and Kano treats. He’ll learn if she has to kill me!
When are you coming back for fesert?
Sounds like you are doing your Grandpa job right on the mark Paul. That reminds me of when I we used to visit my grandparents house when I was a kid. Grandma always had the name brand and most popular cookies, ice cream, soft drinks etc. At our house if we had any of that at all, it was usually store brand stuff. Grandma used to drive my mother crazy by always offering us more of this and more of that. A visit to Grandmas house was like a visit to ” Deserts Unlimited ” .
If all goes well, I am looking forward to another visit to PH later this year and from the looks of it my domestic flight will be landing at a brand new airport in between Iligan City and Cagayan De Oro.
1957 It’s my Uncle’s Birthday and I’m at my Grandmother’s house, she scratched backed the cake and it was just sitting there. A couples of my brothers were there also and my Saint Grandma “Molly Dugan Thompson” looks at us and said with her pure Irish lilt to her words, “And why dinna’ you boys just eat it, I’ll sure to make another before tonight. I was spoiled by the expert!
Have a safe trip, and enjoy your visit.
Paul, I am at that age where you should eat desert first because you just might not be around long enough to finish the main course.
Mike;
Another good reason to eat it first, and smile while doing it!
Paul,
Great article! My father was also a great man working for the same company for 44 years starting at 18 years of age. I consider myself fortunate to be able to retire at 54, but not officially until i turn 55 due to accumulated vacation. Thats when my i will get my dessert, which is my new life in the Philippines. Nowadays at Berns Steakhouse you wouldn’t be able to order your dessert first. They have whats called a dessert room now upstairs. After your meal you go up and enjoy your dessert along with copius adult beverages. Good place to go for special occasions only due to its high cost. Take care and hope you had a nice Easter
Pray tell you had ordered your San M. BEFORE desert Paul?????????
Brian;
Would not an “Ice Cold San Miguel” also be a member of the desert family? I know it’s on the food pyramid
PapaDuck;
I remember the desert room at Bern’s, and the Irish coffee’s was as good as the ones you can get on the waterfront in San Francisco, at Ghirardelli Square. My Father would have applauded anyone retiring at 54. I didn’t know when I was finished with sailing as the checks kept being deposited in my account for 8 or 9 months afterwards. But I stopped working long before the money stopped.
Paul,
My Mom used to occasionally have what she called backwards dinner. We started with our desert and went backwards. I don’t know if it was just something that was for fun, or what, but it helped me to realize that you don’t have to do what everyone else does. Be yourself, and enjoy life in your own way. I’m doing that by moving to the Philippines. And when I get there, I might even eat desert first on a daily basis. 🙂
Scott;
Backwards dinner, now that is the first time I’ve heard that, what a great idea. Whatever the reason it just proves that we should never follow the norms like “Sheeple”, follow that drummer that plays your tune and be the drummer as often as you can. Living in the Philippines is not for the faint of heart, and as I’ve said so many times; “Bring your sense of humor with you!”
Ahh the wisdom from navy man. Lovely article, Paul. And my name is Sugar and dessert is my middle name. Ha ha. My favorite is Fallen Chocolate cake.. aka Flourless choco cake. Anything sweet, I like but not tooooo much sweet. And just like ice cream, kids melt my heart and make me smile… well, except for snotty bratty ones. Ha ha 😉
Sugar;
Why is it that when women get upset, they eat Ice Cream, and when we men get upset we invade another country? Is that the Mars-Venus thingy? As Marie Antoinette said about the peasants’ in France during the revolution “Let them eat cake” I stick with my regular desert.