I know it seems like I came to the Philippines just to complain about medical problems. It really wasn’t my plan but with hearing, vision, and intestine operations it seems never-ending. And so it is, there I was fat dumb and happy after solving my cataract dilemma with my “hoopty do” Audio Book reader. Which BTW, also evolved into this tale as well.
It was a normal Wednesday morning on the mountain in Bataan, not an unusual day at all, just a day like so many others in the past.
I woke up then fired up the “Puter” to see what the interweb was offering up that day. Next, I watched, the “Five” on Fox News, the only news show I watch and when it was over Mayang brought me a toasted cream cheese bagel and a cup of coffee.
It was starting to be just another great day in this “Land of Enchantment” I used to say paradise, but nothing will set Bob Martin off faster than saying that.
I showered, and then took my meds, I checked my blood pressure and my day was moving along swimmingly…
Then I remembered I needed to recharge my Headphones and Audiobook Reader (Or is it a player?) Semantics, but anyway I hooked them both up and reached towards the electric plugs, and was bent over inserting the two machines into the outlet, when my back went out and I doubled over on the floor. Most unpleasant.
I felt like that old TV commercial where the elderly lady (In my case man) pushes a button on a device around her neck and utters those famous words; “I’ve fallen down, and I can’t get up!” Next, I muttered, “Oh shit what next?”
Mayang heard the thump and being that she worries about me flew to the room, and found me laying on the tiles. But I was freshly washed, shaved and my hair was still in place.
I was raised to my feet by my darling wife, but the pain in my back was like nothing I’ve ever felt before, which possibly could be because in Seventy years I’d never hurt my back before. It did not abide, even after coating it with Tiger Balm that wonderful pain reliever from the Far East, well Singapore but it is East of us..
I next hobble to the computer, Googled: Chiropractor in Olongapo City, and received a list of restaurants and hotels here in Olongapo. It was like living in Puerto Rico if you ask a native directions they will send you someplace, because machismo will not allow them to admit that they don’t know, unlike here in the Philippines, where they really just don’t know. So I refined my search and as usual, if I’d hurt my back in Mega Manila I’d be in luck. They have chiropractors up the wazoo.
My wife remembered that our friends from Colorado Loren and Mercy visited a Chiropractor in San Fernando by Clark Duty-Free. I googled that and only one popped up.
Wow open 7 days a week, forty-five minutes away but we can’t go. Why? because two years ago I had an operation and was unable to drive for a year. But I’m fine now I think, but she (Mrs. Thompson) disagrees, and it is too far for her to drive. Damn, I’m in pain, and it is not getting better. My Daughter and her husband Chris are in northern Luzon at a swimming championship with my granddaughter and between meets, she is learning to surf. Fifteen-year-olds can do it all.
Did I mention I was in pain? Here I was in a conundrum or a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, deep inside an enigma…I stole (Paraphrased) that line from Winston Churchill. She (Mrs. Thompson) wanted to wait until our daughter returned to Olongapo in a few days.
I remembered years ago I once foolishly argued with my wife and it didn’t turn out well for me, so it was time for my cagy brain to solve this situation. So;
“Mahal your sister Fee’s boyfriend Salon is an unemployed Jeepney driver correct?” This is where I shut up and let her come up with the plan, making it is her idea and not mine. I got my way, as her plan will be approved.
The next morning, we are on our way to Pampanga with Salon (Fee’s Bo) at the wheel. (Remember I do not make up these names) Plus it was the first time in his life to operate a car with an automatic transaxle. A very good driver, if he’d please stop shifting the car into neutral.
We left at 0800 (AM) and for the whole trip, a Clive Cussler novel was playing in my ear as we arrived at 0900 (AM) the Doctor was of course late, now for my greatest shock, he was a blue-eyed KANO from California and he spoke not a word of Tagalog. But he was still late! (He’d been here 11 years and learned “HOW TO BE LATE”)
0945 (AM) he arrived, put me on the table and commenced to twist me like a circus pretzel that only cost a dollar. Then he cracked my spine, pulled every muscle he could, and I moaned and yelped like a Girlyman. But this is what I learned… It takes 12 muscles to smile And 11 muscles to frown.
And I say, it takes no muscles to just not give a sweet crap, but when I got off the table I did feel better, not perfect, but good enough that Salon has a new job, as I’ll make two trips a week until I can dance again. It is a pleasant scenic ride, with a good book, after spending time with a sadistic pain giver and enjoyed a great breakfast in San Fernando. Yes, my back is starting to feel a little better, but the real pain is chiropractors are not covered by my Tricare Health Ins so it’s all on my dime, I’ll smile as I pay it! Here is a secret I will share with all of you. If you see something on the floor close to me, know that that is where the lord planned it to be, as there is no way I’ll bend over and pick it up!
Addendum
A few doors down from my Doctor is a Café called Puzzles, (P) 240 gets you two pancakes, two eggs, bacon, the best breakfast potatoes I’ve ever had, toast and brewed coffee. I found a new home, and it now makes the trip worthwhile.
Really? In my often bad lifetime experience, “hoopty do” (Paul’s term) doesn’t require any sort of ‘Audio Book’ to good completion.
“cream cheese bagel and a cup of coffee” is wonderful in places where one might possibly source a decent bagel (during months when unable to bake ones own bagels), and hehehehe “cream cheese” maybe in some big city far far away.
“hoopty do” (Paul’s term) is however free between consenting adults, with perks as can be best managed locally before, during, after, and for life.
Ed;
Bagels and cream cheese are no big Hoopty Do, plentiful depending on where you live, even the Coffee Bean at the mall has that.(BY-The-Way, you boil bagels also baking is only part of making them.
I’m 10 years younger than you Paul. I took a group of Filipinos that had never been bowling before to the SM mall in Cebu. They all had fun and were fine. After the 4th frame my back gave out and I had to stop. I’m still recovering 3 weeks later. I didn’t go to a doctor. Glad we are both doing better.
Steve
I’d not thought about bowling in a while, 20 years ago there was an ally on Gordon Ave. that still had pin setters, but they could get out of the way fast and their beer was really cold. They had Disco Bowling on the Free Port, but we all know that Disco is still dead.
HI Paul,
I think you mean ” Pinboys ” instead of pinsetters which usually refers to automatic pinsetter machines. Many years ago I used to service and repair Brunswick Automatic Pinsetters. On one of my earlier visits to Iligan City I was invited to go bowling and I was very curious to see what kind of machines they used there and the condition they might be in. Much to my surprise there were no automatic pinsetters but instead pinboys !
I finally concluded that if the place had machines, the cost of operating and maintaining them would raise the price of bowling to the point the locals could not afford it and the place would go out of business. Maybe in the more affluient areas of PH they do have automatic machines.
For me, it was a lot of fun and yes, I tipped the pinboys. It was duck pin bowling in stead of ten pin bowling which was the first time I played duck pins.
Sorry you are again having health related problems Paul. Hope you will be feeling better soon.
Bob (NY)
Thanks, ME TOO!!!
Damn, you old guys sure have a lot of problems. Is this what I have to look forward to when I get to be your age?
Dennis;
I’m going to take a wild ass guess and tell you: Hell yes if you can stay young, DO IT…(LOL)
I hope you get to feeling better soon
I have been to that same guy myself a couple of times. He is the only game in town as far as chiropractors go… he is brutal but effective.. I could at least walk unaided when I left… it took a few days for the bruises to go away though….at least the pain was dispersed over a larger area…lol
BTW… right up the street from there is a place that makes their own bagels.. and next to it a really good pie shop… the meat pies are exceptional
Richard;
The name of the bagel shop is?????????????????????
I was there again today (1 May) he is rough but effective. I go for the pain, it helps me forget my back hyrts!
Paul: You can take almost any personal experience and write a couple of pages about it…the mark of a good writer. I enjoyed it. Why, I think you could get a bunion on your big toe and make it into an entertaining read. Thanks for that. -Rob
Bob;
Bunions, bless me I’ve escaped that so far, please don’t give me something new! (LOL)
Write about what you know and you’ll never go wrong. I can find the story in the most mundane afternoon here in the Philippines.
Uh..thanks for the read, not the bunion.
Jeff;
A massage is P300.00 per hour on the same street, the Doctor is about P1,500.00 per session. I’m starting to do the math.
As usual Paul your tale kept me in stitches. My assumption upon reading the title was you had a new masseuse. Because within three days of my arrival, my loving mate, introduced such services for my aches and pains. They seem to be quite a sadistic lot as well.
My my! Did she beat you with sugar cane, or with cat o’ nine tails and chains? LOL Just joking!
Hi Paul,
I enjoyed reading your article and looking at the pictures! I agree completely with Rob Ashley’s assessment of your writing.
I had back pain as a teen and young adult. I only tried chiropractic help once. My college wrestling coach arranged for it. I felt it helped in the sort term, but no the long term. I had spinal fusion when I was somewhere around 40. This made me feel considerable worse in the short term, but after recovery basically no pain. The worse pain of my life was rolling slowly over standing and walking with a walker when I came through from I think 6 or 7 hours of surgery. I hear my results were unusually good.
Good luck with your back!
Peace
Jay
Jay;
I’m of a mind that chiropractic treatment is temporary at best and expensive at worst.I go home it feels good and two days later it hurts again, but the pain is less than a couple of weeks ago. When my prepaid treatments run out I think I’m done.
Paul,
I pull a muscle in my back it seem’s like once a year from just doing the simplest thing’s. Usually within a couple of day’s it’s back to normal. Never used a Chiropractor before. Though i enjoy all your stories, hopefully no more medical issues in the future to write about.
PapaDuck
As I said to Jay above, it has slightly improved, weather that is because of chiropractic twisting or just time I’m not 100% sure. Maybe I’ll just take a long walk with my white lab named Max. Or does he walk me?
Hi Paul –
Bent over row, Paul, bent over row! Knock on wood, I have never had a back problem as a result of a fall,
and I have fallen more than once in my life either because of a slippery floor, or have tripped over something, because of certain exercises I have been doing for decades, one of which is the bent over row. Bear in mind, though, that what works for one person may not work for another.
Btw, to help minimize injury to your back, you can also break your fall by rolling with the fall, that is, if you have the presence of mind to do the maneuver in the split second while falling, instead of letting your back absorb the impact of the fall. This, though, is not a professional advice, just imparting my own personal experience.
Back to the bent over row. As a part of my regular work out at the gym, I do certain exercises for strengthening the back muscles, one of which is the bent over row, using either the barbell or a pair of dumbbells. I use dumbbells. You can do this at home as well. Get yourself a pair of 25 to 35 pound dumbbells, or lighter depending on how much you can handle. I use 35 pounds. Here’s how I do the bent over row with dumbbells.
Oh, wait… I just remembered that you already have a bad back. This exercise is not recommended for people with back problems. This is a pre-injury exercise meant to strengthen back muscles. Sorry. 🙁
However, aside from the chiropractor, are there not albularyos who perform hilot out there in Bataan, Paul?
Hi John;
I’m in the same boat, this was my first back strain and it happened at 70 years of age. Bending over to plug in my book reader and the pain hit me and I fell to the floor.
The one time I fell down I believe there was Rum involved, and some clown stepped on my arm and broke my Rolex. Other than that I was fine.
The only time you would find me in a gym is if he owned a bar and spelled his name Jim. In my life I have found there is only one pleasant way to become sweaty, and bad back be dammed, I can still do that.
Mr. Paul T I hope your back is now better. I liked your article especially the part, …” He spoke not a word of Tagalog..but he is still late…he’d been here 11 years and learned ‘HOW TO BE LATE’ ..”. ?
Josè
Jose’;
My back is still the same as before, well alright is is in less pain. They’ll be no dancing anymore, and for an Irishman that is horrible. As step dancing is relaxing. I have a couple of more prepaid sessions with my Kano pretzel twister then I think I’ll call it quits. But the bright side is, driving to Clark twice a week has finally put some miles on my car. Oh hell it’s out of warranty anyway! (LOL)
A chiropractor in the Philippines. Of course, here in Siquijor we have our local quack doctor medicine and over there you import quack doctor medicine from America. Suggest you use the Siquijor quack medicine; it is cheaper and just as ineffective as a chiropractor 🙂