The Harbor Point Mall on Subic Freeport now has a New Pancake House, Mayang and I both like it as they cater to both the Filipino and American tastes in breakfast and the service is great. (This advertisement is over)
Well not for everybody is happy with it, in a nearly empty restaurant (It just opened) the man from Missouri and what I thought was his granddaughter sat at the next table. (No that comment was mean spirited) Mayang and I were chatting about something that happened over the weekend and we were laughing about it.
Mr. Missouri man, commented to us that it seemed we had been together quite a while and seemed very happy. I thanked him and explained that indeed we had, and yes we still joked and enjoyed each other’s company. He then informed me that he was visiting from Missouri, so I thanked him because the KC Royals had just spanked the NY Mets in the World Series. I explained that albeit I’m not a Royals fan, I liked any team that thumped any New York team any time. A Red Sox fan has no greater joy than the humiliation of all things New York.
Very pleasant conversation so far, but I noticed his lady was very shy and never looked up. He went on to tell me this was his first trip to the Philippines and he came to meet this Province Princess from a town so small out by Eba Zambales In fact a burg so small that they never named it. The people in that town knew that the road through town led to a place where you dropped off the edge of the world, because those that went down that road never returned.
Ah it clicked in my brain and I figured out “Mail Order Bride”. Or in today’s lexicon a “Internet Relationship” Not for one millisecond is PAUL besmirching or condemning that type of relationship, as I’ve seen it work so many times and have a few dear friends who met that way and are still together doing great.
But I’ll explain my reservations of seeing any great lasting outcome with this match. He liked absolutely nothing about what he’s experienced in the Philippines so far. I mean he even found fault with warm weather, how backwards the people were and the country. Can you see my jaw tighten?
And further did I know how long it took for him to fly here? (I guess no one put any bullets in his luggage) I sure do, I told him, because as was a former merchant seaman I had flew in and out of Manila 2 times a year for 15 years. Maybe he thought I was teleported here. But I did smile and explain that coming here by ship was really pleasant but really, really slow. He didn’t catch on!
Then he said the waiter was useless and his food was cold, now I did point out that he picked the seat directly under the Air/Con vent. Plus I knew the waiter from another restaurant, and found him to be pleasant and concerned about providing good service.
Mrs. Thompson has the ability to tell when I’m ready to shift into my nasty sarcastic mode. Her hand reached out to touch mine and gave me a knowing glance. My first thoughts were for the uniformed little lady sitting beside Mr. Ugly and what her life would be like on some small farm in Bugtussle Missouri with his most pleasant attitude.
But the Royals just did thrash the Mets in their hometown. So I quashed my shift into the “Popeye Factor Mode” (Where that’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more) and reverted back to nice Paul.
But when he asked me why I lived here and not the states? I felt maybe I could get my point across. I explained that as a seaman I was on ships for 4-6 months and then on vacation for 2-3 months. And If I took my bride to a large and strange land (The US of A) and plopped her in a strange domicile by herself and went back out to sea and she had to fend on her own, the odds on our having a long lasting relationship diminished exponentially. Because I would not be there to guide her like the folks that lived and worked in the states instead of flying off to a ship
Some of these guys think that they can go back to spending all their time drinking beer with their buddies and pursuing their hobbies of hunting or fishing trips and that pretty Filipina wife at home will be there when they return. Well I’ve seen that go south quickly also.
So I told him that for Mayang and me, it was far better to leave her close to her family and all that she knew here in the Philippines and I’d adjust to her way of life which is easier for me to do, as I’ve lived all over the world anyway?
If my wife had told me she wanted to live in Podunk Samar (Where her family is Originally from) taking me away from what I was used to and the Kano style food in Olongapo, I believe I would wander away and have been back here in Olongapo within a few months.
But I have an odd feeling about Mr. Missouri man, as he collects cars (Yes he had all the pictures on his smart phone) and is a member of a few car clubs, plus having been a bachelor his entire life but at his age (Mid 50’s) he seemed pretty well set in his ways.
If he is looking for arm candy he might be disappointed, but if he takes the time to teach her about old Detroit Iron and include her in his hobbies, as I’ve seen before, those shy ladies blossom and fit right in. I sincerely hope I’m wrong in my judgment of this man and that the relationship works out well, as the countless ones we’ve all seen succeed here. But I’m reasonably sure he won’t be moving here. Only time will tell.
I’m an American woman whose brother married a filapina. They were set up by a relative of hers, one of his requirements was that she be closer in age to him. I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. I think many of them just want a better way of life than what they’re experiencing and some are pushed by families so that these men send money back to help them live a better life as well. My hope for them is that they use it to their advantage, get their green card, citizenship and find true love and happiness.
The reason many older foreign men like the younger filipino woman is
1 – Unlike western women, filino women don’t smoke.
2 – Unlike western women, filipino women don’t get drunk or drink at all.
3 – Unlike western women, filipino women are not covered in tattoos and tongue piercings.
4 – Unlike western women, filipino women don’t weigh 150 kilograms.
Gee, can’t understand why so many foreign men are here in the Philippines!
Yes. many young pinoy girls are encouraged by their parents to marry a foreigner for money purposes. If a foreigner takes a filipino back to their home country, don’t send money, money, money all the time.
It’s not rocket science!
Adam;
First wife in the 1960’s lasted 3 years with most but not all of your list being the cause, not that I was the perfect man either. But it caused me to stay single and save money and live a fun life for many a year. My biggest decision I had in life was where in the world would I spend my vacation after six months on a ship and with a pocket overflowing with money but only two months off.
But then that one day I visited a retired friend here in the Philippines and by chance (Or maybe not) I met his wife’s sister. Never a complaint since then…..
Fair enough Paul.
There is no problem having a younger wife as long as you are both happy and have common interests.
Simply must use common sense in regards to your finances with the inlaws
Adam;
That is our responsibility to control that aspect of living here, my friend lives in Oregon with his bride, she used send all the money she earned back to her family none of his. After awhile she discovered that slowly over time the unemployment rate at her family home in the RP shylocked to 100%. She had a “Light bulb Moment” and stopped sending the money until the unemployment rate dropped. (She still supported her elderly mother, but at a far less rate. Her Kano husband never got involved and let her figure it out.
Debbie;
I am an American man who’s youngest son (Career Army) married a Filipina prior to me marrying his step-mother over 20 years ago. My son and his wife are 4 years difference in age, I married my wife in my late 40’s and she is 13 years younger than me. Your brother did what was best for him, but I’ve see it all, with age differences. The truth from my eyes is that more marriages here have worked then have failed.
Debbie your judgemental attitude and those of your kind is what drives many men to seek out a filipina rather than an overbearing, aggressive and unattractive old western woman. I should know, I am one of those men who had a gutfull of women like you and decided not to get involved with one again. And yes my filipina wife is younger, we have a young child and after 13 years together we are so happy. And yes many of the old western girls like you hate to see me with my beautiful young filipina wife and make spiteful remarks like you but the men invariably say ” you lucky bastard!”
Michael, First of all, I am not old. Secondly, judge mental? Maybe so, when I have seen these young women marry men old enough to be their grandfather just to get them out of their living situation. Paul, I don’t consider your age difference to be inappropriate. I enjoy reading your articles most on the site. Adam, idk what type of women you’ve experienced in the western world but most of the ladies I know do none of your 1-4 comments. As far as weight, that changes for most women I know. Filapina women’s weight doesn’t fluctuate? Because the ones I know certainly has from meeting to moving to the states.
Debbie;
I agree that bringing weight or looks into the conversation is unnecessary, I view it this way, if I at 68 no longer cut the fine dashing figure as I did in my 40’s then what kind of guy would I be if I held my wife to a different standard? In our 20 plus years we have both settled into our bodies and have grown older in the eye of others, but not in our eyes.
Debbie to quote you “I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. ”
If that is not judgemental what is? You don’t know the motivation of each of these people – you are expressing an ageist bigoted point of view about the men involved and making a broad brushed statement that the filipinas involved such as my wife are marrying for money.
Michael;
I get your point, but you already won the argument by having a great life with your wife and kids. The rest ain’t worth the hypertension or a riff in your tranquility. That my friend is the reason the lord created little brown stubby bottles of SMB’s Don’t ya feel better now that you let it all out below? Let’s go get that cold one!
There you go, Debbie. Those who describe western women as fat, smokers and drinkers with body piercing and tattoos, I have to ask which side of the railroad track do they live and circulate? As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. Essentially, you are what you attract.
Where I live and circulate, I see none of these types of western women some posters on here describe. Those around me are mostly drop dead gorgeous, educated, hip, and always smell like blooming roses in the morning dew.
Hours away from boarding that plane to take me and my wife for a month-long vacation to the Philippines!!
John;
Have a safe flight, as a guy from Missouri once told me; “It’s a long flight!”
But the physical beauty of Western woman you view with the eyes if an Eastern man. (LOL) I didn’t get the overweight tattoo vibe from the fellow posters, I thought most of the comments pointed out the “ME” attitude that a lot of western women have. But then maybe I read them differently. Welcome home!
Michael;
It is odd why two people would read something in a vastly different way. But I really did not see in Debbie’s comment what you saw, But I see her saying disgusted would throw you off. But the world can be viewed in so many ways and if it were a logical place we’d all be republicans (LOL I had to slip that in) I agree with you on your relationship and my ex-wife in North Carolina prevented me from ever wanting an American woman again.
Hi Paul. This is what got me fired up: “I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. ”
I guess I am tired of seeing posts and comments on this site from time to time passing judgement and disgust about older men and their younger filipina wives. These are the sort of people in days gone by who would have been outraged about whites marrying blacks or asians or about homosexuals or whatever and would have felt free to abuse the people involved.
Its not acceptable to be racist or sexist and mouth off about those situations now but for some reason pig ignorant people like Debbie still feel they have a right to sit in judgement on others purely on the basis of relationship age difference and make their spiteful comments without knowing anything else about the people involved.
I would say a significant proportion of the readers of this blog are like me and don’t read it to be slagged off on by ignorant cows like Debbie and are turned off when this sort of crap is accepted.
I think you handled this well, Paul. We each have to learn from our own mistakes. I have seen relationships here in the states where they did not work exactly because of what you describe (the man and/or woman too invested in hobbies and in people not their spouse).
And that’s without adding the dynamic of moving from a place very far away to a very new and very different foreign land. It can definitely work (because I have seen it happen as well), but the odds increase with shared interests.
Not sure he caught on, though. 🙂
TOM;
I see you got it and understand my point, my way worked well for me, and I’ve seen the opposite work well also with bring the lady to your country. But that absolutely correct point you made was “SHARED INTERESTS” that also would have been a better title for this article!
Some people are slow. Others choose to be slow. Most don’t know they are slow.
I used to think that you don’t marry the family from which your spouse comes.
I now know better.
If you want to vest in a foreign bride, you must invest in her, her family, her culture and her dreams….because just bringing money into the family isn’t enough to make a cheerful happy wife.
On the age thing. I find myself guilty.
Be careful how much energy you place into judging another and what matters to him (or her)….on the other hand, anyone who complains about everything they experience in your culture shouldn’t be in your culture….and most certainly shouldn’t export you into theirs.
Thanks Paul for a great writing!
Brian;
Albeit I had to read your comment a few times, your points became clear to me and found that I agreed, although I failed to see what you were guilty of.
As for knowing better, well that should come with age and wisdom, I was a piece of crap as a husband during my first attempt in the 1960’s. But I learned a lot since then, albeit I’ll never reach perfection. But I won’t stop trying.
Byron I agree with some of what you say but strongly disagree with one thing.
The whole catch phrase of “if you marry a filipino, you must marry the family” is dead wrong!
Ask yourself this. Did any of the family die of starvation before you come on the scene? How did they pay the bills?
Sure you can help them SOMETIMES, but not time and time again.
I have met many foreigners here who are down to their last penny, meanwhile the family is living it up!
Be careful!
Adam;
And I apologize to Byron for misspelling his name. But as Byron said you also marry the family. I find that is true, when you marry anyone anywhere the family comes with them parse and parcel, now in no way does that make you responsible for them the rest of your life. My wife’s family attempted this tactic on me, and in the beginning I knowingly went along with it as I was a highly paid merchant seaman and never missed the money. But then after they met my limit of generosity I would explain that loans were still available as soon as depts. in arrears were paid. If there is a family medical emergency I will step in and pay after all other family members have given a fair share. It is up to you to control the situation, but a few times after your wife wants something for her house. just say, “Honey I had the money but your brother borrowed it.” (See what happens after that.)
lol. Will give that one a try!
Cheers
Adam;
It’s worked for me for over 25 years, and they (The Family) still like me. (I have educated 6 nieces and nephews because I wanted too, and was never asked)
Byron;
Please accept a heartfelt “Mea Culpa” for not getting your name correct. I could try and blow smoke using some lame excuse, but the fact is I just plain screwed up…
I enjoyed your article.
Now I can say my wife has lived in my country and I have lived in hers.
We have been married 20 years. That is after a fixed marriage by our friends.
I don’t look at how people met or how long they dated. I look at how happy and successful it is. Oh, we did date a month when we met.
We have two boys in the States and a daughter we wanted to adopt in Davao. We were never able to get her adopted.
Kenneth;
More proof that there is no one single way it works, so I guess it’s just the fact that a large percentage of the time it does work, and that is all one can hope for. In my heart of hearts I’m still hoping for Mr. Missouri, because if he puts in the time he just might be in for a grand ride down life’s highway. It is unfortunate about the adoption; life will throw us that curved ball once and awhile. I enjoyed your comment.
Ah yes. One of those guys. Maybe he’ll figure it out.
I don’t criticize couples with a large age difference. Most of our friends in Germany were May/December couples. Older German men with Filipina wives about the same age as Marlyn and myself. All but one worked out well. That one was an old Swiss farmer whose Filipina wife divorced him when he sold the farm without consulting her. All of The women had developed incomes independent of their husbands. The few who have become widows now have stayed in Europe, living off of their own money.
Take care,
Pete
Pete:
I’m with you and hope he does, he might be pleasantly surprised.
But I’m still laughing about the Swiss guy who sold the farm, as I was thinking divorce is far better than if she helped him “Buy the farm” Any relationship can work with a little effort from both sides. The Filipino can adapt to any place on Earth, this I know as I’ve ran into them in every country I’ve ever been in, even that cesspool Haiti.
Very well done. You kept from giving him the one two punch. Me, I would have let him have it. I don’t think this relationship will work.
Greg;
Sometimes it’s hard to stay Nice Paul, and other tomes it’s not worth the effort to get angry. He might figure it out as time passes; we can only hope that happens.
Adam said “as long as you are both happy and have common interests”. I think this is a reason Filipinas make such good wives and make them both happy. In a lot of cases the Filipina adapts to the self interests of the Husband so that the couple has a lot of common interest, albeit they are all his interests.
Loren;
And since we are friends and I know your wife, I will never bring your comment up again. (LOL) (As, should you!)
Most women from the states don’t understand the May December romances
Mines 36 years younger then me
We live in Calif
But will be moving back to PI in a couple of years
Really doesn’t matter on the age thing
The Missouri boy might have a chance
Hard to say the weather is about the same in the south as in PI
He probably bitches while he is home too lol
Ben;
That May December thing may threaten American woman and they think: “Wow he has options, I’d better treat him better!” You might be doing a great service for the husbands on your street.
I like that the Missouri guy got your benefit of the doubt.
Hi Paul, the age difference is really not a big deal, but I believe it will work better living in PH rather than the US or Europe where Filipinas are more exotic and there are more opportunities for her there, just in case the marriage doesn´t work out so I hope it works out for Mr. Missouri man…if it doesn´t well sorry for his mail order bride…she probably deserves better I guess.
Richie;
I agree that age is really no big deal, or at least shouldn’t be to anyone outside the marriage, it’s none of their business. A young Piney in the west if again on her own will fair well no matter what.
Hi Paul
One thing my wife told me, early on in our relationship, is that a lot of Filipina prefer older men as they are less likely to stray and tend to be a lot more contented. 15 years difference between us by the way.
As for the guy in the pancake shop, he sounds like the sort of person who will never be happy with anything or anyone.
Cheers
AJ UK
AJ UK;
Mayang is 13 years younger than me, with her it was stability that appealed to her and my dashing good looks, wit and charm. Plus I was gainfully employed which in her neighborhood was a rare thing.
Mr. Missouri has a rare opportunity, but only he can decide that. I’m a cockeyed optimist, and am hoping he does the right thing. Or he will incur the wrath of the angry Filipina, and no one wants that! (LOL)
Hi Paul,
While I was on one of my stays in the Philippines I ran across this same thing. Me and my wife were staying in Baybay, Leyte. My wife noticed this young girl with a guy who was old enough to be her grate-grandfather. He was 70 and she was 19. My wife started talking with her while the guy was off doing something. She asked why was she with a guy so old. She started crying and said he was paying for her sisters operation to save her life. She did not want to be with him but she felt she had no choice. My wife told me about this and I was disgusted to say the least. To take advantage of this girl with this kind of situation is just sickening.
Me and my wife have a 15 year age gap between us. I was 41 and she was 26 when we married. I love that woman more than a little fat kid loves cake. But if the age gap was any bigger I probably not have married her as I would have really felt it was wrong.
Scott;
That is one hell of an age spread, but I’ve seen it before without the tragic story attached. Look at it this way, if she is 19, if she doesn’t love him how old will she be when she wakes up one day well off and single?
As I said above, it just isn’t our business, and nothing we can do about it anyway.
I guess I am one of the rare ones here. I met my wife in Hawaii and not over here. We lived and traveled in the states prior to moving out here earlier this year. My wife is 42 and I am 38. I keep threatening to trade her in on two 21s, but for some reason she doesn’t think that I could keep up. She is probably right. Do I like everything about here? No, but I am adjusting more and more all the time. Will I ever fully understand everything here? No, because there’s some things that I think is best left to mystery. Do I have any issues with my in-laws? Nothing worth mentioning. My mother in law is in Hawaii on a 6 month vacation. My wife’s three brothers are all back in Hawaii also. We have a lot of cousins here but it seems almost every household has someone abroad so money never really comes up. Is it hot here? Some days it is hotter than others. That is what an ice cold beverage and some aircon are for. Eventually I might get a little more adapted, but until then I will continue to love the life that we are living up here in Paoay.
Gary;
Here is what I know about life, if your ship runs out of fuel and drifts on to an uncharted island the first person you will meet is an OFW from the Philippines. Hawaii is a given! (lol). But being the same age is rare in the book of Philippine relationships but proves that life is flexible.
I like your honest summation on how you find living in the Philippines, as a constant adjustment (I Paraphrase) because that’s exactly what it is. The ones I wonder about are the guys that fall off the plane gushing about the perfection they’ve found. Unless they were hired by the Philippine Chamber of Commerce, you hit the nail square on the head. It’s a daily adjustment, which we find worth our time to do it.
Oh and those Ice cold San Magoo’s in the stubby brown bottles that lubricate the day.
In North America and in Europe, younger ladies don’t ever look at older guys. Just like we would be all some kind of pedophiles. The first poster clearly expressed her disgust in that respect.
Guess why we moved to Philippines.
Palawan Bob;
A lot of young western women are interested in older men, albeit they have a credit cars reader APP on their smart phones.
There is a tidal wave of lonely western women coming.
Those who are now below 40 (and full of themself), will be the next divorced desperados looking for a partner in their 50’s.
Self centered and spoiled, their level of understanding a man is almost zero.
Palawan Bob;
I’ll not disagree with that statement, but when you say their coming, sweet lord say you don’t mean their coming to the Philippines???
Sitting in a club in San Diego years ago and a Kano woman was flirting with me and I gave nothing back, she asked me if I didn’t like women? I smiled and said, I love them, just not the ones that live here. I’m flying back to Asia the first of the week and I can wait.
Cagayan de Oro has a couple of them, We eat there as I like the blueberry pancakes and Kat can have Filipino dish that she likes.
Luke,
We have had one for years but it closed down and moved to the mall.
Mr. Paul T. Another enjoyable and funny (but serious in a way) article from you. Super. As a transplanted New Englandah… I love the part ..”A Red Sox fan has no greater joy than the humiliation of all things New York.” LOL. Very true, indeed. Thanks for another Monday morning good read . Gracias.
Jose;
As a true Sox fan should…
Hi Paul, the Missouri (Misery) part touched home. I was born, raised and now reside here. I did not marry a filipina, but I was enticed! I did marry a Chileana, and we have been happily married for 39 years. Oh, by the way she is two years older than me. I mentioned to others that she robbed the craddle, it is fun to see her eyes light up and the steam roll. I tell her it keeps her young, that is after she has cooled off and it is safe to be in her presence again.
As far as something in common, we don’t. We both do love family, and have a love of Chile, what we do, do is we are both commited to each other. Yes we have sent money to her family, her mother. They don’t have a retirement system it depends upon the family to provide care. I never had a problem doing our part. We have since (in mind only) adopted a neice and nephew, we don’t have grandchildren, so we need someone to spoil.
As far Debbie goes, I did look for a foriegn woman for a wife. I did date american women, but their character standards did not meet my prescribed standards. That was not their fault, but mine. I guess you could say I was looking for love in all the wrong Places.
I don’t see this relationship working, and I would be highly disgusted if my daughter was in one like this. But I also have learned to keep my mouth shut, everyone has to make their own decisions. Last time I checked that was what being free meant. When someone in a causal conversation does nothing but complain, then you are probably seeing the very best, which is not much. The complaining will get much worse overtime for the young lady, and she will never meet his standards, as he will set them higher and higher.
Speakling of complaining (not really), I was assigned to Cubi Pt NAS, in 1975. I flew from Travis AFB to Clark, I had to wear my dress blues. Upon arrival at I had to catch a bus to Subic, with no time to change. That bus didn’t have AC. By the time I arrived at Subic I was well done. I left 15 months later and liked to froze to death. I had to wear long sleeve shirts and a jacket just to keep warm. The point is our bodies adjust to the enviornment that we are in. I am 64 now living in Misery (Missouri) in the cold wet weather. I sure could do with some warm tropical weather! I don’t think I will ever be satisfied, Ha!
Oh, I forgot go Royals! Was it 78 or 79, I forget in my old age, the Bucky Dent(?) saga. I remember listening to the game while in rotten Groten CT surrounded by Red Sox fans, it wasn’t pretty.
Douglas
Bucky (Between the legs on 1st base), I think was in the 1986 WS between Boston and the Mets, I was in a bar in Puerto Rico among 200 Mets fans, the lone voice in the wilderness. When I saw the Royals put the ball between the legs of the Mets 1st baseman I knew the world rotated using Karma.
Travis to Clark, they made us fly in civvies, because of martial law, I can’t imagine a bus ride over the Zig-Zag in dress blues.
But your romance, no matter where either is from, is just another example that love comes in many different shaped boxes. There is no one size fits all. (I’ve been to Chili and understand the temptation)
As for Mr. Missouri all we’ll ever be able to do is wonder about the outcome…. UNLESS! He changes his attitude, and joins us here on LiP to learn about living here. Stranger things have happened!!! (LOL) Nice talking to ya Shipmate!
Hi Paul, good post I’ve met some of these people mr Missouri they usually are astounded
When you tell them that you actually live in the Philippines, yes you are adjusting all the
Time here you have to have a good sense of humour to live here, l like the people here
And of course the cold beer helps ? , did you ask him if he had a brother in tagaytay lol
Derek in pasig.
Derek;
The Brother in Tagaytay line cracked me up (I needed that) But what did I give up back home to live here? First WINTER, Liberal’s, a government that spends 80% of its time trying to get reelected, and more silly rules than Carter had little liver pills. Plus sitting with a group of people in a pub hearing people whine about the same thing every night but never doing a damn thing to change it.
I’ll sit here with folks who’ll talk about the funny stuff that happened to them this week. And enjoy life, not dream about life.
Paul,
I take a different approach. I’d say/think that the man knows the Philippines isn’t for him. At least he knows that now. How many people have we met who’ve moved here and hate it.
The Philippines definitely isn’t for many people. Let’s face it life is difficult here. Much more so for the average Filipino than it is for us. We have helpers, etc.
I wished I’d meet people like Mr. M. Id agree with him that life for him is back in the USA.
Horace;
Very true and I’ve said that many times, if we all thought alike they would only make one kind of car and paint it one color. Mr. Missouri now knows where his future lies, after his visit here; I was more concerned about her.
Hi Paul,
Interesting topic. I think a lot of people make the mistake of stereotyping Filipinos. Some Filipinas do not mind or like an older mate and others do. My wife would never have responded to my letters if I were 5 years older than I am. I am 9 years older than her. For us or at least me the corresponding by mail was a blessing as I write better than I talk.
Jay;
What difference would the five years make? Would you have been a lesser person? This is why dragging age into it is a waste of time. The two involved will figure it out without any extra distractions. But I further say that that right to her rule did still belong to your wife, so it was correct.
Hi Paul,
Be honest Paul would you have married your wife had she been 15 years older than you. I doubt you would have pursued her if that were the case. People are individuals. The idea for her of going to bed with a man old enough to be her father and old and wrinkled disgusted her. She has told me this many times when seeing a much older man of any race with a much younger woman of any race. We both agree it is none of our business and recognize others feel differently.
When I say my wife would have not responded to my letter, I am talking about initial attraction. If my wife found out I had lied about my age some time after we were married and that I was 5 years older she would have been very angry, but I think she would have stayed with me.
Another thing I am seeing is a lot of bad mouthing stereotyping of western women. My Mom was a western woman and my sister is a western woman. There are plenty of good western women.
Jay;
Honestly I don’t know, maybe when I was 20 but not in my 40’s since my mother in law is 13 years older than me. I’ll freely admit the attraction just wasn’t there. (LOL) But most women seek out older men because men age better than most women, its God’s little trick to make up for all the crap men put up with until we hit our 40’s.
Of course you mom and sister and all the rest of us had perfect mom’s and sisters (not me I had four brothers). But they are different, as we were never romantically involved with them. BTW what you presented was a really analogy. (LOL) Maybe we should ask some guys’ sister’s ex-husband how he feels. I remember the absolute worst woman I ever was involved with was both a mother and someone’s sister. But I hate to bring up my ex-wife.
Hi Paul,
Thanks for your honest reply. My point is you, I, and my wife share a standard that we would not consider a person significantly older a potential spouse. It does not mean we are bad people. I think people should have standards when looking for someone to spend their lives with. If others have different standards that is fine. I would urge caution for anyone who is considering entering a relationship with someone who has no standards.
Jay;
It was never the age older or younger that mattered to me and I had no number as a limit either way. I would assume that in a pen pal or internet situation it would be prudent to screen potential suitors so as to not waste time, in that situation I’ll agree. But face to face meeting fall in to a different category and rules will go out the window.
I was a happy committed single guy for 25 years until I flew to visit a friend in Olongapo City and met his Sister-in-law. You never know how or when things will happen, and it was awhile before the subject of age came up. (She was 35 I was 48) Who knew? (lol)
In the words of some other dude:
“When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead, it only hurts for others.
The same applies when you’re stupid”.
Jim;
Sheer wisdom, please thank the other dude! (lol)
Well well well, let’s throw a little backwards issues in here huh?
I am 54 and the wife is 59. So I am the “younger man”. Also for what it is worth, I have had several so called men in the Philippines ask me why I am with Lola instead of Lolita. I just smile and tell them because I am LOLO. haha.
Most folks though always say the same thing to HER. why are YOU with such an old man. She does look about 15 years younger than me.
With that out of the way…..it’s all true Paul. For every pot in the world, there is a cover. I found mine, you found yours, I just hope everyone else does too!
Tito Joe;
Truer words………… Absolutely that proves the point about the pot’s covers. Love will always find a way. I thank the stars for that one fact.
Hi Paul, I’m 4 years older than my wife I am 59 she is 54 she let’s me know I’m 4 years
Older than her, I say to her your lucky I’m not 40 years older than you lol ,
You have to have a good sense of humour in a marriage, like you said love will find a way,
And a couple of cold beers helps ? Derek in pasig.
Derek;
Old Joke: The man on his wife’s fortieth birthday said; “You’re old now turning forty, now I’m going to trade you in on two twenties!” She smiled and said; “If there is one thing I do know about you, is that you’re not wired for 220.