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Only Time Will Tell

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The Harbor Point Mall on Subic Freeport now has a New Pancake House, Mayang and I both like it as they cater to both the Filipino and American tastes in breakfast and the service is great. (This advertisement is over)

The hard working crew

The hard working crew

Tagalog Buddy

Well not for everybody is happy with it, in a nearly empty restaurant (It just opened) the man from Missouri and what I thought was his granddaughter sat at the next table. (No that comment was mean spirited) Mayang and I were chatting about something that happened over the weekend and we were laughing about it.

Mr. Missouri man, commented to us that it seemed we had been together quite a while and seemed very happy. I thanked him and explained that indeed we had, and yes we still joked and enjoyed each other’s company. He then informed me that he was visiting from Missouri, so I thanked him because the KC Royals had just spanked the NY Mets in the World Series. I explained that albeit I’m not a Royals fan, I liked any team that thumped any New York team any time. A Red Sox fan has no greater joy than the humiliation of all things New York.

Very pleasant conversation so far, but I noticed his lady was very shy and never looked up. He went on to tell me this was his first trip to the Philippines and he came to meet this Province Princess from a town so small out by Eba Zambales In fact a burg so small that they never named it. The people in that town knew that the road through town led to a place where you dropped off the edge of the world, because those that went down that road never returned.

Ah it clicked in my brain and I figured out “Mail Order Bride”. Or in today’s lexicon a “Internet Relationship” Not for one millisecond is PAUL besmirching or condemning that type of relationship, as I’ve seen it work so many times and have a few dear friends who met that way and are still together doing great.

But I’ll explain my reservations of seeing any great lasting outcome with this match. He liked absolutely nothing about what he’s experienced in the Philippines so far. I mean he even found fault with warm weather, how backwards the people were and the country. Can you see my jaw tighten?

And further did I know how long it took for him to fly here? (I guess no one put any bullets in his luggage) I sure do, I told him, because as was a former merchant seaman I had flew in and out of Manila 2 times a year for 15 years. Maybe he thought I was teleported here. But I did smile and explain that coming here by ship was really pleasant but really, really slow. He didn’t catch on!

Then he said the waiter was useless and his food was cold, now I did point out that he picked the seat directly under the Air/Con vent. Plus I knew the waiter from another restaurant, and found him to be pleasant and concerned about providing good service.

HarborPoint Pancake House

HarborPoint Pancake House

Mrs. Thompson has the ability to tell when I’m ready to shift into my nasty sarcastic mode. Her hand reached out to touch mine and gave me a knowing glance. My first thoughts were for the uniformed little lady sitting beside Mr. Ugly and what her life would be like on some small farm in Bugtussle Missouri with his most pleasant attitude.

But the Royals just did thrash the Mets in their hometown. So I quashed my shift into the “Popeye Factor Mode” (Where that’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more) and reverted back to nice Paul.

But when he asked me why I lived here and not the states? I felt maybe I could get my point across. I explained that as a seaman I was on ships for 4-6 months and then on vacation for 2-3 months. And If I took my bride to a large and strange land (The US of A) and plopped her in a strange domicile by herself and went back out to sea and she had to fend on her own, the odds on our having a long lasting relationship diminished exponentially. Because I would not be there to guide her like the folks that lived and worked in the states instead of flying off to a ship

Some of these guys think that they can go back to spending all their time drinking beer with their buddies and pursuing their hobbies of hunting or fishing trips and that pretty Filipina wife at home will be there when they return. Well I’ve seen that go south quickly also.

So I told him that for Mayang and me, it was far better to leave her close to her family and all that she knew here in the Philippines and I’d adjust to her way of life which is easier for me to do, as I’ve lived all over the world anyway?

If my wife had told me she wanted to live in Podunk Samar (Where her family is Originally from) taking me away from what I was used to and the Kano style food in Olongapo, I believe I would wander away and have been back here in Olongapo within a few months.

But I have an odd feeling about Mr. Missouri man, as he collects cars (Yes he had all the pictures on his smart phone) and is a member of a few car clubs, plus having been a bachelor his entire life but at his age (Mid 50’s) he seemed pretty well set in his ways.

If he is looking for arm candy he might be disappointed, but if he takes the time to teach her about old Detroit Iron and include her in his hobbies, as I’ve seen before, those shy ladies blossom and fit right in. I sincerely hope I’m wrong in my judgment of this man and that the relationship works out well, as the countless ones we’ve all seen succeed here. But I’m reasonably sure he won’t be moving here. Only time will tell.

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Paul Thompson

Paul Thompson; has resided in the Philippines since 1993, living close to Subic Bay. I’m married to a wonderful girl named Maria (AKA Mayang).Who is from Gordon Heights in Olongapo where she grew up with her Mom & Dad and seven siblings Our two daughters are both grown up and have left the nest, the eldest married to a wonderful guy named Chris, and they have blessed us with our granddaughter Heather Colleen Our youngest daughter and her husband Cecil have blessed us with a grandson named. Jayden Logan. I’m a retired U.S. NAVY Senior Chief after 22 years of active duty. After retirement from the Navy I lived for 7 years in Puerto Rico as a Night Club owner. Then Hurricane Hugo told me to find a new line of work, I was hired by Military Sealift Command and went back to sea in Asia as a Merchant Seaman for 10 years. After 30 plus years at sea I buried my anchor on a mountain in the Philippines and am now residing in Dinalupihan (or DinBat for short), Roosevelt, Bataan where we built our home. And last but not least, anything I writes will be pure "Tongue in Cheek "If anybody is offended, I'll lose no sleep over it, but here's a quick Mea Culpa in advance!

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Debbie
Debbie
7 years ago

I’m an American woman whose brother married a filapina. They were set up by a relative of hers, one of his requirements was that she be closer in age to him. I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. I think many of them just want a better way of life than what they’re experiencing and some are pushed by families so that these men send money back to help them live a better life as well. My hope for them is that they use it to their advantage, get their green card, citizenship and find true… Read more »

Adam
Adam
7 years ago
Reply to  Debbie

The reason many older foreign men like the younger filipino woman is 1 – Unlike western women, filino women don’t smoke. 2 – Unlike western women, filipino women don’t get drunk or drink at all. 3 – Unlike western women, filipino women are not covered in tattoos and tongue piercings. 4 – Unlike western women, filipino women don’t weigh 150 kilograms. Gee, can’t understand why so many foreign men are here in the Philippines! Yes. many young pinoy girls are encouraged by their parents to marry a foreigner for money purposes. If a foreigner takes a filipino back to their… Read more »

Adam
Adam
7 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Fair enough Paul.
There is no problem having a younger wife as long as you are both happy and have common interests.
Simply must use common sense in regards to your finances with the inlaws

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Debbie

Debbie your judgemental attitude and those of your kind is what drives many men to seek out a filipina rather than an overbearing, aggressive and unattractive old western woman. I should know, I am one of those men who had a gutfull of women like you and decided not to get involved with one again. And yes my filipina wife is younger, we have a young child and after 13 years together we are so happy. And yes many of the old western girls like you hate to see me with my beautiful young filipina wife and make spiteful remarks… Read more »

Debbie fortune
Debbie fortune
7 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Michael, First of all, I am not old. Secondly, judge mental? Maybe so, when I have seen these young women marry men old enough to be their grandfather just to get them out of their living situation. Paul, I don’t consider your age difference to be inappropriate. I enjoy reading your articles most on the site. Adam, idk what type of women you’ve experienced in the western world but most of the ladies I know do none of your 1-4 comments. As far as weight, that changes for most women I know. Filapina women’s weight doesn’t fluctuate? Because the ones… Read more »

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  Debbie fortune

Debbie;
I agree that bringing weight or looks into the conversation is unnecessary, I view it this way, if I at 68 no longer cut the fine dashing figure as I did in my 40’s then what kind of guy would I be if I held my wife to a different standard? In our 20 plus years we have both settled into our bodies and have grown older in the eye of others, but not in our eyes.

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Debbie fortune

Debbie to quote you “I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. ”
If that is not judgemental what is? You don’t know the motivation of each of these people – you are expressing an ageist bigoted point of view about the men involved and making a broad brushed statement that the filipinas involved such as my wife are marrying for money.

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Michael;
I get your point, but you already won the argument by having a great life with your wife and kids. The rest ain’t worth the hypertension or a riff in your tranquility. That my friend is the reason the lord created little brown stubby bottles of SMB’s Don’t ya feel better now that you let it all out below? Let’s go get that cold one!

John Reyes
7 years ago
Reply to  Debbie fortune

There you go, Debbie. Those who describe western women as fat, smokers and drinkers with body piercing and tattoos, I have to ask which side of the railroad track do they live and circulate? As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. Essentially, you are what you attract. Where I live and circulate, I see none of these types of western women some posters on here describe. Those around me are mostly drop dead gorgeous, educated, hip, and always smell like blooming roses in the morning dew. Hours away from boarding that plane to take me and my… Read more »

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  John Reyes

John;
Have a safe flight, as a guy from Missouri once told me; “It’s a long flight!”
But the physical beauty of Western woman you view with the eyes if an Eastern man. (LOL) I didn’t get the overweight tattoo vibe from the fellow posters, I thought most of the comments pointed out the “ME” attitude that a lot of western women have. But then maybe I read them differently. Welcome home!

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Michael;
It is odd why two people would read something in a vastly different way. But I really did not see in Debbie’s comment what you saw, But I see her saying disgusted would throw you off. But the world can be viewed in so many ways and if it were a logical place we’d all be republicans (LOL I had to slip that in) I agree with you on your relationship and my ex-wife in North Carolina prevented me from ever wanting an American woman again.

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Hi Paul. This is what got me fired up: “I’m disgusted by these older men that marry these young ladies. ” I guess I am tired of seeing posts and comments on this site from time to time passing judgement and disgust about older men and their younger filipina wives. These are the sort of people in days gone by who would have been outraged about whites marrying blacks or asians or about homosexuals or whatever and would have felt free to abuse the people involved. Its not acceptable to be racist or sexist and mouth off about those situations… Read more »

Tom N
7 years ago

I think you handled this well, Paul. We each have to learn from our own mistakes. I have seen relationships here in the states where they did not work exactly because of what you describe (the man and/or woman too invested in hobbies and in people not their spouse).

And that’s without adding the dynamic of moving from a place very far away to a very new and very different foreign land. It can definitely work (because I have seen it happen as well), but the odds increase with shared interests.

Not sure he caught on, though. 🙂

Byron Watts
7 years ago

Some people are slow. Others choose to be slow. Most don’t know they are slow. I used to think that you don’t marry the family from which your spouse comes. I now know better. If you want to vest in a foreign bride, you must invest in her, her family, her culture and her dreams….because just bringing money into the family isn’t enough to make a cheerful happy wife. On the age thing. I find myself guilty. Be careful how much energy you place into judging another and what matters to him (or her)….on the other hand, anyone who complains… Read more »

Adam
Adam
7 years ago
Reply to  Byron Watts

Byron I agree with some of what you say but strongly disagree with one thing.
The whole catch phrase of “if you marry a filipino, you must marry the family” is dead wrong!
Ask yourself this. Did any of the family die of starvation before you come on the scene? How did they pay the bills?
Sure you can help them SOMETIMES, but not time and time again.
I have met many foreigners here who are down to their last penny, meanwhile the family is living it up!
Be careful!

Adam
Adam
7 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

lol. Will give that one a try!
Cheers

Kenneth Crawley
Kenneth Crawley
7 years ago

I enjoyed your article.
Now I can say my wife has lived in my country and I have lived in hers.
We have been married 20 years. That is after a fixed marriage by our friends.
I don’t look at how people met or how long they dated. I look at how happy and successful it is. Oh, we did date a month when we met.
We have two boys in the States and a daughter we wanted to adopt in Davao. We were never able to get her adopted.

Cordillera Cowboy
7 years ago

Ah yes. One of those guys. Maybe he’ll figure it out.

I don’t criticize couples with a large age difference. Most of our friends in Germany were May/December couples. Older German men with Filipina wives about the same age as Marlyn and myself. All but one worked out well. That one was an old Swiss farmer whose Filipina wife divorced him when he sold the farm without consulting her. All of The women had developed incomes independent of their husbands. The few who have become widows now have stayed in Europe, living off of their own money.

Take care,
Pete

Greg Schulze
7 years ago

Very well done. You kept from giving him the one two punch. Me, I would have let him have it. I don’t think this relationship will work.

Paul Thpmpson
Paul Thpmpson
7 years ago
Reply to  Greg Schulze

Greg;
Sometimes it’s hard to stay Nice Paul, and other tomes it’s not worth the effort to get angry. He might figure it out as time passes; we can only hope that happens.

bigp
bigp
7 years ago

Adam said “as long as you are both happy and have common interests”. I think this is a reason Filipinas make such good wives and make them both happy. In a lot of cases the Filipina adapts to the self interests of the Husband so that the couple has a lot of common interest, albeit they are all his interests.

Paul Thpmpson
Paul Thpmpson
7 years ago
Reply to  bigp

Loren;
And since we are friends and I know your wife, I will never bring your comment up again. (LOL) (As, should you!)

Ben
Ben
7 years ago

Most women from the states don’t understand the May December romances
Mines 36 years younger then me
We live in Calif
But will be moving back to PI in a couple of years
Really doesn’t matter on the age thing
The Missouri boy might have a chance
Hard to say the weather is about the same in the south as in PI
He probably bitches while he is home too lol

Paul Thpmpson
Paul Thpmpson
7 years ago
Reply to  Ben

Ben;
That May December thing may threaten American woman and they think: “Wow he has options, I’d better treat him better!” You might be doing a great service for the husbands on your street.
I like that the Missouri guy got your benefit of the doubt.

Richie R
Richie R
7 years ago

Hi Paul, the age difference is really not a big deal, but I believe it will work better living in PH rather than the US or Europe where Filipinas are more exotic and there are more opportunities for her there, just in case the marriage doesn´t work out so I hope it works out for Mr. Missouri man…if it doesn´t well sorry for his mail order bride…she probably deserves better I guess.

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  Richie R

Richie;
I agree that age is really no big deal, or at least shouldn’t be to anyone outside the marriage, it’s none of their business. A young Piney in the west if again on her own will fair well no matter what.

AJ UK
AJ UK
7 years ago

Hi Paul

One thing my wife told me, early on in our relationship, is that a lot of Filipina prefer older men as they are less likely to stray and tend to be a lot more contented. 15 years difference between us by the way.

As for the guy in the pancake shop, he sounds like the sort of person who will never be happy with anything or anyone.

Cheers

AJ UK

Paul Thompson
Paul Thompson
7 years ago
Reply to  AJ UK

AJ UK;
Mayang is 13 years younger than me, with her it was stability that appealed to her and my dashing good looks, wit and charm. Plus I was gainfully employed which in her neighborhood was a rare thing.
Mr. Missouri has a rare opportunity, but only he can decide that. I’m a cockeyed optimist, and am hoping he does the right thing. Or he will incur the wrath of the angry Filipina, and no one wants that! (LOL)

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