After the New Year Bob and I talked to a very dear person. We love her dearly and the do kids too. She’s living abroad with her husband. I just don’t want to mention her name due to her privacy. While talking to her I just asked her whats going on with her family here in the Philippines? She answered me back with a big sigh and I could tell that theirs a problem. So I asked her what’s the matter? She then told me that she’s not in good terms with her family because they wanted some money from her a few months back so that one of her sibling can start a business. At that time she argued with her parents that it would be a waste of money to give to this sibling. In her opinion her sibling is not ready to have a business of his own. But her parents assured her that he is getting better and that he could make a profit of that money she would give since they will invest that in the province with a Sari-Sari store business. So then she listen to her parents and give the money to the brother. At first she was really happy, the brother showed some hard work. In a few months the brother starts with his habit again. Drinking and not really responsible to his family (he has 3 kids). When one of the kid was hospitalized my dear friend was the one paying for the hospital, and even the schooling of the kids.
My dear friend also told the parents to not give to her brother anything. To let him survive on his own. To let him find job. My friend found out that the mom was bringing some food every week to my friends brother even my friend already give money to start that business. So my friend was mad at her mom. The mom answered that its just food that I brought and I don’t want the kids to go hungry. So my friend was fuming and told the mom to forget about getting money and all stuff from her from now on. The parents were really getting angry at her too and told her that because you just went abroad you really think you are better than us, and you are so conceited. Even the sibling also told her that too. So they had a big fight just few weeks before Christmas. Ever since then she didn’t give them a cent yet. She told me that she’s thinking of giving her parents just like $20 a week. She told them to survive on that money. Her parents they are not that old yet. They also had some business before she went abroad, so they are okay. That’s why they are struggling a bit because the sibling just keep asking them money and they will provide him. The family of the sibling even moved back to the parents house to live. Of course the parents will be the one buying for their food too.
Since my friend went abroad some family members also got sick. She gave some money to that person. But then her mom was hinting her to give some more. She told her mom frankly that I can’t give to anybody when they get sick because if you guys would ever get sick nobody hands any money to you and said thats for your medication. I think the mom just didn’t get my friends point. The mom was kind of hurt of the bluntness of my friend. I told my friend that your mom and the family probably blame me of being so close to you because you got influenced by me. When I meet my friend she was really shy and you know the typical Filipina so timid. Hanging out too much with me she got some of my attitudes. My friend told me that she was really happy being around me and Bob because when she got to her husband’s place abroad she didn’t have a hard time adjusting there because I taught her a lot.
Anyway, I told my friend to just not talk to her family too much because I don’t want her to say some stuff that she might regret later. I told her to just calm down and let her family calm down too. Both parties are mad right now that it is not worth talking at this time. To give themselves sometime to think hard. Really I hope that they will resolve this matter because I care for my friend and her parents too. They are nice people. To you my friend, Bob and I will pray for you. We know that you are hurting. We love you. All this will be over in time.
John Miele
Feyma: Rebecca faced a lot of this same stuff when she came back, and still does. The people really just do not have a clue as to the cost of living elsewhere. In Abulug, all they see is her mother's house getting bigger (Even though it has taken 12 years) and her with a Kano husband. In the last 3 months, she's had an outright demand for money, no reason given, from an aunt, right after she paid the pond staff (and ran out of cash), a sari sari financing "opportunity", and a rice harvest investment…. all turned down with lots of pouting on the other end. It has been tough, but your friend needs to stand firm… the message will get through, eventually.
Chris
Hi Feyma;
your article describes a very common situation here, I have heard similar stories many times before moving here and since.
I know a lot of expats married to Filipina wind up moving a long way from the extended family for exactly these reasons. While a lot of foreigners would have no big problem saying 'NO!' to such requests for money, it is much harder for a Filipina/o.
There are so few real opportunities here for people with no starting capital.
Managing money and business requires practice and discipline; the ideal place to get these is not in ones first business attempt.
In my extended family there are 5 balik bayan; all the adults work full time except 2 women on home duties who probably work harder than the others. So the burden of keeping things going is shared widely. For families with only one balik bayan it must be really hard, maybe harder than having none?
I think these are really important issues to consider early in planning.
Not an easy situation to resolve; prayer and patience are probably the best options. If the family are 'blaming' your influence for your freinds choices I think they are wide of the mark. From what I know of your and Bob's dedication to family your example is an extraordinary; I think most Filipino families would love to have a Bob and Feyma around!
Phil n Jess R.
I'm living in the country They find you no matter were you go , My wife had a relative travel 2 hours by bus to ask her for money ..cost 500 pesos to travel round trip she borrowed the money for the trip and my wife told her NO !!! …I really feel bad about your friend feyma hope things get better for her … Phil N Jess
hill roberts
Hi, dear Feyma,
Last night, I watched, as usual, this Spanish programme on Telecinco, "Que Esta Pasando" (literal translation: What's happening/What's going on? Because it was still part of the Christmas holidays, they continued with the segment of helping people finding loved ones for example, or reuniting friends with friends they haven't seen or met for a long long time. However, this particular segment had to do with a young man in his early twenties wanting to be reconciled with his childhood friend after they fell out—-all to do with money matters. Anyway, this other young man wanted to borrow 4,000€ from this guy, who, later, would like to reconcile with this friend since they were 2 years old. A reporter took him to his apartment and the man who wanted to borrow that amount was of course truly shocked when he opened the door! Strangely enough, he looked like a punk, (maybe this was the reason why his friend declined to lend him that vast amount). Anyway, he admitted that he didn't have a job and had a very ill newly-born baby. To cut the story short, the TV presenter told both boys to shake hands or embrace each other. There were tears rolling down their faces. Anyway, he confirmed that he would now lend him the money in full, after seeing the state of affairs at home….was he right to lend the vast amount of money? Was he right to make the move himself to reconcile with this man desperate for and in need of financial support? I'll let the other readers decide.
Regards,
Hill
Phil n Jess R.
respond to Hill's remark sure why not ! ! !
Tom Ramberg
Such a sad story. I worried a bit about this happening to us but so far it hasn't. We have bought cows or land from people in need but so far haven't lent any money. I told Marie that when people see that you have turned your kano into a poor camote farmer they will be ashamed to ask but might offer a few pesos.
Phil n Jess R.
Yea that is a good idea Tom …I'll be a camote farmer and then no one will ask for money …and maybe they will give me some instead .." here Phil 500 pesos you take your wife to jollybee for supper " hee hee …. Phil n Jess
hill roberts
Hi, Phil,
So glad we're both enjoying the LIP sites! and having great fun making serious and/or non-serious posts. That way, we never get bored. Cheers!!!
Hi, Feyma,
Thanks for the "thread" —-I cetainly do not know what that means! Perhaps, blog experts can explain in more detail…thanks!
maria
hi feyma
my brother emailed to asked me for capital also to start a sari sari store. since i haven't been to the philippines for a while, i asked him some very simple business point of view questions. i repeated the same questions in 2 or 3 emails. no response and i spanned out the time of questionings giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was really thinking what to say to me. nothing. i guess he thought i was just going to hand over the money. im really disappointed in my brother because he is an educated man. and to asked for financial benefits without the courtesy of replying……..what a shame.
CRIS
HI FEYMA,
I have no problem saying no when it comes to relatives asking for money. Been giving my family money or should i say taking care of everybody since i was 19 years old. but when i came here and married my husband, i told them things will have to change coz i have my own family to think about now. Every now and then will be ok beside we helped a nephew finished college already. The last thing i want to hear is somebody berating me for not giving in to what they want, i will most likely explode and lots of expletive will surely come out of my mouth. It happened already not once but twice and my family knows im not gonna take things sitting down. Sometimes my husband says, im becoming more american each day. (i mean being blunt) Sometimes we have to let them know we are not picking money from the trees, were also working for it too.
Hope youre friend's gonna stick to her guns.
ann
Hi Feyma,
How have you been?
In my opinion I don’t think the parent should blame you for your influence… You just do the right thing as a friend in need (emotional support & advice). I know as a Pinay we all want best for our siblings and of course to our parents. We provide assistance as much as we could to help, even putting our nieces or nephew to school, because sometimes we felt like we’re obligated to help. I used to be in the same situations. I help my sibling over and over but for some reason nothing was accomplished. I was sooo tired of helping I finally stopped. Eventually, after all the arguments my mother understands. Finally, I was able to petition my mom to come and lived with me for over 13 yrs, she was able to land a job, and inevitably she was supporting my brothers, she support like no tomorrow, sending balikbayan boxes, bought house & lots for my 2 brothers etc.. ect… but, still it’s not enough. We end up arguing over this. I told her to stop supporting, because your not helping them anymore, your helping them to become disable person (they won’t work because Mom keep supporting them.) They become so dependent. When my husband finally retired from the military, my mother finally realized that she won’t come with us to the U.S. I said why? Her response was, as long as I live aboard my 2 brother, won’t stop asking her money, and being a Mother, she can’t say No! In May 2008, my mom went back to Butuan and lives a happy life with the support of my brothers. (Since they have some businesses) My mother understands the value of $ because she works hard for it… She understands that, just because you’re in aboard you’re not well off… (Like she used to think) Money doesn’t grow on tress. You really really work hard for it day and night. Now, My 2 brothers understand that they have to work hard to provide food to their family, education for their children & ect. As for me, I help my sibling as long as I can. If I can’t,,,, they heartily understand.
I wish your friend alots of luck… I know in God times, her family will understand….
Anonymous
Hi Ann – you hit it spot on!!! Money does not grow on trees indeed! Most of our kababayans think that because we live and work abroad that we are now part of the "wealthier" society, well, to some extent it maybe true but not really.
It is indeed a struggle for many Filipinos living in the Philippines to understand these situations for the obvious reason that life in the Philippines is a lot harder hence many migrate to different countries abroad to work.
I've had this same scenario with a family member back home. Pardon me for the scenario I am about to give, I am not bragging but I am driving a point.
I've been lucky to have a good paying job here in the US, and I've promised myself that I want to have a Mercedes Benz by age 30, I've always sent money home (though I really don't have to, I chose to) and this probably was a big mistake. The family member started expecting the continuous flow of money from the US. We are a middle class family in the Philippines so we are not financially struggling so you see the problem is not just with the lower middle class but it applies to almost everyone in the Philippines. Anyway, I bought myself the Mercedes Benz on my 30th birthday, it's actually a double present as I want it for my wife too, I even got myself an Apple Macbook Pro, and a Mazda3 to replace my beat up daily driver, well… this did not gel well with my family member back home, because I stopped sending the money since I figured, I'm really not supposed to be doing it, plus I have siblings here who work as hard as I do and earn their living too and not being reprimanded for not sending money back home. Suddenly I am the bad person, now I am "living like a star" … hardly! I just wanted to reward my hardwork and besides I can afford it, it's my money, but people back home will not be able to understand it.
So anyway… again I've written a novel so pardon me, I was not trying to brag to them about my wealth (or lack there of), I was just living my life here. I've been tagged as "mayabang, too proud"… just because I've learned how to express myself and learned how to say NO, yet when I was sending the money, and trying to make ends meet here, all I heard was: "can you send me a Nike?, oh, how about the ipod and the Playstation"….
As what my dad would say: "I'll show you a white sheet of paper with a small dot in the middle and all you'll see is the dot and not the white sheet of paper"…. true indeed.
Beth
I think this is where the lesson of support vs. rescue come in. Support is standing by Juan while he goes up the chair to put up a curtain to make sure Juan doesn't fall, rendering Juan capable that he can do it himself. Rescue is getting the curtain from Juan and putting it up for him all by yourself while Juan stands back playing PSP by the living room.
Of course, it becomes complicated if Juan cannot really do it right and just expects you to do it for him.
๐
Phil n Jess R.
I try to be of good cheer. thank you Hill .. ๐ Phil n Jess
Feyma
Hi John Miele – Don't think that it would really stop the asking of money to you and Rebecca. It would be there for awhile until a lot of them realize that you guys would not just hand out the money to them.
Its really a dilemma here in the Philippines for those people that has family abroad. The constant asking and borrowing is endless.
I am happy that my friend right now is sticking to her decision of not giving money to her family.
Thank you John for your comment!
hill roberts
Hi, Feyma,
I hope your next article's theme will not dwell, once again, on the downtrodden Filipinos. All your themes are very similar: money matters, family woes, all the sadness, the unfortunate circumstances and the like.
For once, please TALK UP the Filipinos….
I've lived abroad for thirty years, and have lost many friends here because I always defend the Filipinos, who they are, what they are. I have no qualms about losing friends here. And if you notice, or read my previous postings, not once have I talked down the Filipinos.
We know these are classic problems. But hey, these things will not go away with a magic wand! Save some of those Filipino relatives' faces. I am actually feeling embarrassed for them. The rejoinder of other posters is equally embarrasing, more so from Filipino posters themselves.
Please give it a day to ponder about what I have said here, you'll realise that indeed, the rigmarole of your site going on and on and on about the downtrodden Filipinos is become truly tiring and embarrassing.
I am not trying to play the devil's advocate, rather, speak the truth behind the facade of camaraderie…if we keep agreeing all the time, and I mean, ALL the time, then the LIP site will die a natural death.
There are many positive things to say about us, the Filipinos.
Regards,
Hill
Jerry
Hi Feyma!
Jerry
Respect and congratulations to you combining v busy motherhood and finding time to help here!Bible says we must not show favouritism,so i try to be encouraging v th best i kno.I am concerned how much churches ther help,even here n UK and this "phrase" pray for.I hav been helped alot and respectfully would like to say it is not meant to be (effectively)used as a panacea.You r in a position of high (spiritual) authority and called ever higher and many others look to you for guidance and comfort.
You dont need to continue to try to help just on yur own strength(an example of this is when th disciples were rowing "against th wind" and thus not making much progress.I can only begin to imagine how constrained any spare time you may have,but God says you can find it.trying to be brief without being disrespectful to Our Lord(!) Please may i suggest you "tuck in to start enjoying th letters!eg James,Peter!They are not long and they will be a rich soul food blessing to you,esp praying prior each time you try for God to open your heart(same req.for all of us!) pray is us talking to Him,reading is us listenning to Him,most helpful to find a "quiet time" to do both,eg beginning of th day(giving Him th first fruits!)yes therz alot more and you need to ask Him for a sister 2 fellowship/pray v as soon as pos and have faith He will bless you quite soon,th more earnestly you bessech Him,coz life is so hectic/stress etc.and yes ofcourse there is also yur darling husband coming (in His time).You see who is open is all up to Him!!
Feyma
Hi ann – Well said. I’m glad that at the end everybody understands what your saying to them.
Bob and I been there helping nieces go to good colleges that I just dreamed of going when I was a kid. They abuse our kindness and some end up with babies. Very sad but they choose to have the life they have now. Struggling to even have a job.
Honestly I glad that your mom doesn’t have to work hard now. At least she enjoys the good life. Are you thinking of retiring in Butuan in the future? Just asking.
Nice to see you here a lot. Take care and God bless!
Jerry
sor still learning how to use comp/and or its playing up..so i beter not try to start a new line now.So,with family "distant probs",this is what you can do,indeed are being asked to do,even as part f yur journey to coming to kno yur spiritual Dad more and more,bcoz He's got big plans for yur future!. Praying for them eg 2-3mins ev day and as you finding increasingly more lovely scriptures,v.carefully choosing which one or two to send them,to help and encourage them!Be very reassurred of their power,according to prayer and many other practices(to mention another time ,if you want the tips).So..For th word f God is living and active .Sharper than any double- edged sword,it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit,joints and marrow;it judges th thoughts and attitudes of th heart.(Hebrews 4:12)! In cards not jus xmas etc,i enjoy choosing often verses fr th psalms!which ive highlighted including elsewhere to help me find them again quicker.They are so comforting etc!.in a very real way(food as said!)eg!.psalms 20, 27.diferent parts according to need,just choosing 1 or 2 verses is great,also,ps 32 ,40 and 139!If you dont b bold and start marking them !,later you frustrated when cant find!.hee.Responsilbility!.doesnt mean only "accountability".. but- response ability/ability to respond!.Godbless you Feyma!Hope this helps you with a much "better" ..Thanks for your inspiration.
Feyma
Hi Chris – You are right to have a lot of balikbayan in the family really is a big help here in the Philippines. Your comments are very true though.
Thank you so much for your kind words to me and Bob. I really appreciate that. I hope you and your wife had a good weekend.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Feyma
Hi Phil n Jess R. – I hope they stop coming to your place and learn their lesson.
I think for now my friend's decision is good. Not giving money to her family. I think when the family learn and accept what she can give she will give them again but the money has to be use wisely.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by!
Feyma
Hi hill roberts – That's a good story. It really shows that people really had a heart. I am happy for them. I think all of us our heart will melt whenever we saw helpless and sickly kid. I am glad that the guy lend him the money now. And they are friends again.
Cheers. Good story!
Feyma
Hi maria – I think your brother think that he doesn't have to explain to you in details of what he wants to use the money for since he told you already that its to starts a sari-sari store. He might think that you still have a vivid thought of how the sari-sari looks like. Just my thought though.
I do hope that you still hear from him. Thank you so much for stopping by! Take care and God bless!
Feyma
Hi CRIS – Good for you. I think its good that you set some boundaries right away so that they know. I know what you mean by being blunt. I've done that sometimes people don't like it though.
My friend is ticking to her words right now. I hope that the family did learn from it.
Thank you so much for stopping by! Have a good weekend!
Feyma
Hi Anonymous – They already think that you are the rich balikbayan that lives abroad and can afford anything under the sun. People here knows that Mercedes Benz is a luxury car. Its a head turner. So they think that your money supply were endless (the money tree keeps producing).
You know you deserve to reward yourself for your job well done. You go for it. You know no matter what you do you give or you won't give people still bad mouth you. For me just don't give.
Hey enjoy your life. Your family survived without your help before. I am pretty sure they are okay without your help too.
Good luck to you!
Feyma
Hi Beth – Good example to all of us here. And its true though.
Thank you for the eye opener!
Have a good weekend!
Feyma
Hi hill roberts – Wow, I was shocked on what you said. To be honest with you I can't just sugar coat everything here. I write whats happening in my life and my surroundings. I get email almost everyday people asking about how did I adjust here and what is it like to lived here. A lot of them are thinking of moving back here. Some are Expats, some are Filipinos that live abroad for a long time and wants to retire here. I have to be honest with them because they rely on what I said. If I said all the positive things about living here and not telling them the negative side do you think they would be happy later when finding out that I just really told them 50% of whats really happening here? You live in Spain for that long you must love it there? I am sure you have some positive and negative side of the life there. I am sure you would be honest if somebody wants to live in Spain and ask you what its like living there? Thats what I was just doing to the readers and the people that emailed me.
You know if I can't write the pros and cons of living here whats the used of this site then? This website catered for those people that are thinking and wanting to move and people that lived back here. When we first moved back here I can't find anything on the internet just like this site that we have. The net was just new back then. Bob and I didn't get any help from anybody. It's just that no site were available for people that move back here. We have to learn from our mistakes. To be honest with you it is not easy to moved back here. We have to re adjust again.
I do hope that you can see a bit of my point here. I know that you just wants positive story, sorry to say I can't do that. I have to write whats positive and negative about here.
To tell you frankly I love this country and I'm proud to be one. Any achievement of our Kababayans I am so thrilled and my heart go bursting for joy for our country. Do you think I would lived here again for this long if I don't like it here? I don't think so.
Feyma
Hi jerry – Thank you so much for your good thoughts there. I appreciate very much.
Have a good weekend!
ann
Well said Feyma….
We supposed to be a good ambassador to our country… Be proud of it, negative or Not. To answer to your question Feyma. Yes, I'd love to retire in the Philippines someday. With God's blessing my house was completely finished last year and I can't wait to live there. If I have a choice I would leave US right now … Unfortunately, I have to convinced my husband and kids are still in high school… Maybe after 5 yrs when my kids are graduate from college…
Every time we’re in Pinas. I've always visit DVO. My dad and his family lives in Maa area… And am sure if were in town I definitely stop by to see you and Bob We would love to meet you guys.
hill roberts
Hi, Feyma,
Thanks for your response. What I'm hoping from you is "balanced" journalism. Besides, you are always writing too about your own immediate relations and immediate friends—have they sanctioned you to write about their private economic problems? Isn't that tantamount to washing their dirty linen in public? Someday, you may need the help of those you have exposed in your site–=I do not mean, "help" in the financial sense—-but help when you really, really need the same people that you have been writing about.
No one denies the fact that you are a fine woman….that's not the point of argument in my second post. I am neither telling you what to write and not what towrite. You know full well that those close friends and immediate relations you are writing about —-in a most disparaging way—may not be as financially sound asyou—-but these people are certainly not illiterate. How do you feel if the shoe is in the other foot? Will you take it with chin up? I mean, they ARE reading what you are writing—-which ends up being read by everyone who is ready to add even more unpleasant comments about Filipinos.
Feyma, there are thousands of topics you can write about—-but my goodness, shoving your immediate relations' faces and close friends faces in the sand is just too much to bear. You do not need Bob to help you on this…just try to be more sensitive to how others feel.
Just for the record, there are hardly Filipinos living in this small town—but if there are—I will certainly not speak ill about them.
hill roberts
Hi, Bob,
It is precisely what she writes that heats up racism.
I write about my own experiences about Spain and its people because this is where I live. i can relate to what I say about them.
Yes, I enjoy LIP, and if there's a need to make comments, I would do so.
But Bob, do spare me the self-righteous talk. Somehow, I get the feeling that's trhe reason Migs abandoned ship.
You seem to expect everyone—and I mean everyone—from your other writers and readers to agree with you.all the time.
Yes, indeed. Feyma is a big girl. Hence, she needs to care more about other people's feelings. She is hurting her own kin as well as her own close friends in the process.
So, Bob, it is Ok for her to wash other people's dirty linen in public? Because that's the way it is, being not professional writers? As I told Feyma, there are a thousand and one topics she can write about. To go and on and on and on about the same things, oh, well, aren't you just a bit bored?
Beth
Hill,
Feyma does NOT identify the people in her articles. She even has a line that says: "I just don’t want to mention her name due to her privacy."
And I don't think she is gossiping about them like you were inferring. I believe she is presenting and sharing some situation that are real, in her article.
You wrote:
"I hope your next article’s theme will not dwell, once again, on the downtrodden Filipinos."
"…you are always writing too about your own immediate relations and immediate friends…"
Then you wrote:
" I am neither telling you what to write and not what to write."
Do you realize you negate yourself?
You want Feyma to "TALK UP" the Filipinos but in the same breath you talk her down.
hill roberts
Bob, we are having a healthy argument here. There are no swearwords, right? However, do you really want everyone who visits Feyma's site to keep agreeing with everythiing she writes? What does it matter—-professional writers or journalists.
Maybe I'm the first not to agree with Feyma, and perhaps, I will not be the last either. The point of contention is this: despite the fact that Feyma has not been mentioning names, those people she writes about are NOT stupid! i mean, Bob, I didn't think for one moment you were naive.
Bob, do find her another topic to write about—if Feyma keeps singling out her own kin or relations as the main point of her topic, then, yes, the title, "Same, As Usual" should now be a standard-bearer for her so-called future topics.
And Bob, please, do not do a la Philippine Daily Inquirer—-you're better than them!
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy healthy arguments. This one is healthy Bob. So, let's shelve the niceties and talk real. If you agree that this is a a h ealthy argument, then, allow people to disagree and still remain civil and polite. I have no problem with that. Remember my favourite phrase—clarity of mind ???
Bob, I don't want you to be nice—-just get real! It's not as if telling the truth should have limits when it comes to your wife. i do admire your loyalty to her. But heck, she hasn't been loyal to her own kin or close friends by exposing their economic problems to the world!
hill roberts
Thanks Bob! That's settled, then. See you in your own site, that is, if you do not do a la Philippine Daily Inquirer? Cheers! Hill
hill roberts
Bob, you have put the sign, "…awaiting moderation…" when in fact, readers' comments go through automatically. No, Bob, I didn't say you were connected with the PDI—but that's what they do at Vox Populi Section, yet the ytell the readers, "keep the conversation going…"
Why have you, for the first time perhaps, put my comment under consideration or moderation? I thought you believed in FREE SPEECH!
Beth
Ever since I started commenting on this site, I would see the "awaiting moderation" every now and then. It is not just only now.
hill roberts
Thank you Bob.
Good taste includes washing dirty linen in public, on this site…
I am done here. Goodbye!
Sandra
I am saddened by these exchanges. If I may add, I believe that it is Hill that misrepresented the Filipinos in this thread. Filipinos are known throughout the world as fair minded and humble people and they are proud of that, my own circle of friends have a healthy mix of Filipinos and even my workplace and I admire them very much, and the truth is, I admire their honesty even more. When they talk about their "dirty" streets, barrios and screwed up system, I find it humbling that they can actually talk about it without taking offense so I see no reason for this thread to go this route by the very person who feels that she's stood up for the rest of the Filipinos.
As I've said in my previous post: "To all Filipinos if you feel that the comments are not going your way, please keep an open mind". This website is excellent in showing how to live in the Philippines both from an expats view and from the Filipinos that live there.
And also: to the Anonymous poster: Mercedes Benz? Apple? all those are LUXURY items based on my conversation with my Filipino friends, so I think you shouldn't be buying those items if you want to "stay out of the radar" with your kin.
No offense meant, I was just curious but I guess there's more to this story from Anonymous so pardon me.
Anyway, I hope to read more of these because it really enlightens me and helps me understand the Filipinos I deal with daily through work and my circle.
More power Lip.
JOHN
Feyma
In relation to the article I think its so important that you continue writing about these matters, as in all honesty as a wife and a Filipino you are the one who amongst the writers that can write about it with an understanding that some of us do not or cannot have.
Your views will be judged as balanced, as you understand both the cultures and the fact that FAMILY is the driving force in Filipino society .
Who better to to tell it as it is than you.
Regarding free speech.
I can assure you that Bob does not in anyway censor any articles and as he says even if he disagrees ,we, the writers, have the right to put articles up as long as we do not break any law or bad mouth individuals.
Its true to say too, that in the two years writing here I have never had any censorship to any articles written,
Even if i write something that I later find to be in error the comment section allows for the chance to correct..DEMOCRACY AT WORK.
alan cline
Feyma ,
I encourage you to continue writing about your personal experiences and if they happen to be related to family and friends so be it .
Unfortunately no matter what you write some will be offended in some way . I don't know how many times while traveling a Filipino would strike up a conservation during a flight or on board a ship with me and proceed to start complaining about the Philippine " dirty laundry " list . Usually graft , greed , corruption , etc
Those things go on in all cultures of course and in my opinion it would be an injustice to only discuss the " good " side of life . Life just isn't like that , all good i mean and neither are people . ๐
Chris
My 2 pesos lang?
Hill- Criticism is sour medicine best taken in small doses with a teaspoon of sugar! Ranting at people might make us feel better for a minute but leaves a bad taste in our mouth and a ringing in the ears of witnesses. Please get over it; you made your point, no need to go on and on. Also this is a family site; families have different and complimentary points and perspectives. Your comments are generally a very welcome part of what happens here. Blogging is a growing and learning thing at it's best/ let's all keep growing and learning hey?
Feyma- pretty much all writers use their friends and family as subject material; real life as the 'grist of the mill'. Some people don't like it, others are not interested in anything else. I learned in a writing course many years ago the technique of mixing events and characters; example:
My uncle "Bob" did something horrendous in the past while he was living in "Cloudland". I want to write about what he did without him or others who know the story realizing I have used it in a written work for publication.
The solution goes like this: "Bob" becomes "Kirk" ( with a note that this is not his real name). His relationship to me is irrelevant; hence he becomes "someone I heard of" or something to that effect. The events described occur in 'Sunnyville".
The cleverest writers can use people around them as subject matter in such a way that the subject is not aware, or offended by likenesses between reality and the story based on it.
The best way to take criticism is to just thank the person for their contribution and move on doing what you love to do; writing what you love to write about. You can't please everyone; the creative process is very internal and needs to please the artist 1st and above all. No art happens without critique; how we are effected by it is up to us. All artsts have to be ready to cop criticism, some suffer greatly from it while others take what might be worth something out of it and ditch the rest.
So any chance of a truce (lang)?
Feyma
Hi ann – Hope to see you sometime when you visit the Davao again. I hope you can convince your dear hubby to retire here. ๐
We used to lived in Maa before. See you then when you visit your dad.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Take care and God bless!
Feyma
Hi Beth – Thank you so much for the support. To be honest I just want to help people that wants to move back here. I want them to see what are they they going to expect moving here. Vacation is really so different than living here.
Anyway, thank you so much for your nice comment! God bless!
Feyma
Hi Sandra – When me and my friends get together before in the States. We did the same as you and your friends did. Talk it out what used to be our life in the Philippines and we laugh it off if theirs problems and also we all pitch in for some advices.
Have more good talk with your friends there. A big hello to them as well!
Anyway, thank you a lot for your nice thoughts and also for stopping by!
Feyma
Hi JOHN – When LIP started Bob was the only writer at that time. Later people emailed Bob and asked him if I could give also my take on life here in the Philippines? Also some women emailed me privately if I could write a bit of my adjustments here. You know I felt for them, so then I decided to write for the sake of them. Really I am happy that at least in a way i could help them a little bit.
>>>>Regarding free speech.<<<<
Yes its true of what you said about the FREE SPEECH! We are not told by Bob on what we want o write about. For as long as theirs no obscenity it is okay.
Really you said it well John. Thank you so much!
Feyma
Hi alan cline – Thank you so much. And yeah I plan to continue what I have started already. At least I somewhat help some readers.
Hope to see you more here! Take care and God bless!
Feyma
Hi Chris – Thank you very much!
roy
No obscenity here?! No freedom of expression then. I'm out of here! ๐
Some exciting discussions, huh. I'd like to pose a question RE this "hot topic", I just don't know if it's still up for discussion.
macky
i don't mean to extend the discussion any further, but i just want to agree with many here that feyma (and the rest of the LiP team) should continue writing as they see things.
i'm pinoy & i would hate to see any censoring or prettying up of any of the writings about the my home country. this is why i enjoy LiP, such varied & colorful opinions from different people about pinas…and guess what? i don't have to agree with all of them!
if the site just becomes a promo tour of the country, then it'll merely regress into an advertising site & i'll start questioning the authenticity & honesty of the writings. folks, that's not change i can believe in.
i'd hate to see this site become an extension of the DOT.
Roselyn
Dear Bob & Feyma,
Kudos to you guys…wheww!!!Your sight is fantastic, love to read the blogs here. Who is that Hill Roberts(your so hypocrite, ) that's the sad truth about the Philippines & feyma is right. I've been there , in fact I lived & grew up in Panabo City, and what Feyma said is true, coz' I experienced it, too. Bob and Feyma, may you continue writing stories that is true. I loved that, and may God shower all the blessings in your family. Mabuhay ang Pilipinas,,,good or bad, that's life…deal with it Hill Roberts.!!!!
from,
Roselyn
Feyma
Hi roy – You can say anything you want here. You are free.
I didn't really know that this column sparks something here. I wrote those because it just happened like a few days before.
Anyway. Nice seeing you here again. Thank you and God bless!
Feyma
Hi macky – Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate very much.
You said it well! Thank you for stopping by!
Feyma
Hi Roselyn – I appreciate your support. Thank you so much.
To be honest with you I can't make up stories and post it here. Everything I shared in this group happened here in my surroundings.
Well said Roselyn. Thank you for stopping by. God bless!
jim fish
Hi……..Feyma You and Bob have a great site here,keep up the good work. I think hill roberts is greean with envey and is much like some of the peopel he sticks up for. Hill GO AWAY………
aWeng I Allen
Hi Feyma
Oh! well so much for the war he he he all i want to say to you is keep it up! don't be j, discouraged, for me nothing to wrong w/your post. Thanks for sharing then…
Feyma
Hi jim fish – Can't agree you more. I was just surprised that she's living in Spain and she's talking bad about the place. No good thoughts she had on Spain. She should write the ups and down about life she had there.
Here I am just trying to explain to the readers the life (good & bad) here and she's attacking me. I just don't get it.
Oh well, Its hard to please everybody. She should just find a site that suits her.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by. I'm glad you like our site.
God Bless!
Feyma
Hi aWeng I Allen – Thank you so much for the support. Oh yeah, I enjoyed knowing a lot of people from this community of ours. I really hope she will find peace somewhere.
Thank you for stopping by and seeing your here! God Bless!