In the Navy we called it the Mushroom Theory: Which was when the ship’s command structure kept us in the dark and would feed us “BS”. So we never knew what was fully going on with the ship or its evolutions. The Merchant Marine was not a lot better in letting us know but the pay was far better and they were now wasting money vice time, because if you don’t think we’ll sit on full overtime waiting for someone to make up their mind, you’d be wrong, because we will gladly waste away hours with our thumbs up our…
If they secure us and then call us out later it goes into extra money so they let us wait. Many times I’ve made 8 hours of overtime for 2 hours of work. They built my house.
When I retired and came home to my house on the mountain I thought that the Mushroom Theory was banished from my life. Wrong again Paul it’s increased tenfold. My wife and daughters withhold things from me that they think might upset me. Plus no extra pay!!!
Typhoons, well I can’t blame them for that misinformation, they got the word from the Pag-Asa on TV (Pag-Asa: Philippine Weather Office) I do what Pag-Asa should do and log on to the weather channel and get the proper updates. But the ladies still would prefer that I didn’t know. A few years ago we had our 12X20 tent set up, I assumed it was a rain storm, Mayang knew it was the edge of a typhoon and later I’m in the backyard during a full blown gale ready to go parasailing with the tent. I got it knocked down before I left for Oz with Dorothy and Toto. (I would have played the Kano with No Information) but with only a couple of bent pipes all turned out well. Damn those Flying Monkeys!
These types of stories go back for 20 years ad nauseum, but since most of my fellow readers have experienced many of the same things here in the Philippines I’d be “Preaching to the Choir” I wager your stories are better than mine.
Okay where was I, I was sitting fat dumb and happy under that same tent last week only this time at the front of the house a left over item from that tragic event of Sunday May third in Las Vegas. When Mayang brought me a refreshing beverage, while I had her attention I asked her to ask my Dentist if I could drop by Wednesday morning and ask him a question about pressing dental matters. This was a blissful Tuesday morning when this conversation transpired, Wait for it…. Oh Honey Ko, the dentist will not be at work tomorrow as Olongapo City is having brownouts from 0800-1700 all day oh and the day after that.
I sipped my beverage and wondered; “How in the name of all that is holy did she know that?” When (if ever) would that little tid-bit have been divulged to me? Well that puts the ki-bosh on that plan; I’ll assume there is no reason I have to drive into the Big “PO” for the next couple of days. Notice that I never bothered to ask why the power would be out; the reason is because I learned years ago never to attempt urinating up a rope.
Well all is settled, and I can return to my e-reader novel and my refreshing beverage….”Oh Honey-honey” my bride exclaims; “The power is off in Bataan too!” Really I should have figured that out, I mean I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck last night.
I smiled and asked; “Sweetheart will the gas station be able to sell fuel for the generator in the morning during the brownout?” I was reverting to full mushroom mode, as we used to do on the ships, pleading ignorance of any and all upcoming events. I was not going to move, or worry about providing power to the house the next two days, as it could not possibly be any of my business. I have returned to my dark damp cave to spread manure and grow.
When within minutes Johnny on his Trike showed up to the gate, my wife comes dashing by carrying two empty fuel cans heading to the gate. (Of course we have a Gas Guy”)
The old Honda generator is now well stocked with fuel; the adult beverages are in the ref iced down and my E-reader is fully charged. So send your minions to vex me, do your worst to spoil my day. This mushroom will grow into a perfect Portobello. Remember there is always a “Guy” to solve everything.
Post Script: Typhoon Dodong is due to hit my area Saturday or Sunday, yes the tent was taken down Friday morning. But I’ve been waiting 20 years for a typhoon named Dodong, because anytime I’m called: “Hey Joe” I always respond; “Whatcha need Dodong?”
So this time the Pag-Asa told me the typhoon was coming towards me, then it will be South of me, now it will be North of me…. The fully stocked beer ref shall not have been filled in vain.
haha, i enjoyed that
John Culbreth;
So it has happen to you also! Welcome to the cave.
haha, i enjoyed that
John;
I hate it when I post twice and I do it all the time.
Paul –
Remember that like Area 51, what you don’t know can’t hurt you, Paul!
The PI is just like area 51 John, Full of secrets and misinformation. It’s all part a a master plan to protect Foreigners from panic. If He stumbles on to something, give him just enough information to satisfy his curiosity!
Joe:
Area 51 is an Arizona Tourist Trap, I’m dealing with important stuff here, stuff like; “Is the beer cold?”
Area 51, is in nevada…parump navada to be exact!….hahhahaa!…Arizona has the grand canyon and I live about 20 miles from the canyon….
Good story!…
Now I know why my girl friend remains is quiet?..almost like a dentist trying to pull teeth trying to get information!….hahahha!…and I thought I was the only one!
Dan;
I was thinking of Roswell, but that’s in New Mexico, I’ll just flat out admit I got it all wrong and go have a beer to punish myself. (lol)
But as to the article, you should be the only one, welcome to an ever increasing club. But it explains why they make SMB taste so good, it is a man’s way of coping. Would any one of us try and change them? I think not! As the club expands…
Hello sir,
i’m in Southern Leyte right now visiting my inlaws; a few days ago i was worried about that typhoon because i had to fly from Manila to Tagbilaran (Bohol) and then catch a boat to my family’s place in the province.
All turned well, the weather is good and SMB Pale Pilsen is truly a blessing.
I enjoy your writings; please excuse me if my English is not perfect (i’m Italian) and have a good time!
8:00am is too early for me to drink beer, so i’ll toast to your health with a mug of chocolate 🙂
LB;
That was quite a non-typhoon we didn’t have, some day the Pag-asa is going to get the forecast right. I first heard from CNN that it was a super typhoon, but then CNN seldom gets any story right too. But I’m pleased to hear that your visit has gone smoothly, I spent many happy visits to your country over my years in the US Navy, including a month on an Italian war ship in an exchange program between our two Navies. It is a Great Ship and even better crew. And your English is far better than my Italian! (LOL)
John Reyes:
Parasailing on my tent would never hurt me? (lol)
Know the feeling Paul, drives me mad not being told things, or if I am told its thirty mins before it is due to happen!!!
John J;
It’s not like we’ve not demonstrated in the past our ability to solve problems. Unless this is a further test that we didn’t know about and that’s why we weren’t told? I just going to have another cup of coffee on the wall….
I have gotten used to not to know.
At the start of my life here, i must admit i was p…… when it happened. Suddenly to get told that this or that would involve me – now.
Or when there’s suddenly was 30 people coming in, while i were unprepared.
“Ohh, didn’t i tell you they were coming?”….Ehhhhn no. My memory may not be as sharp as it was, but it isn’t that bad either.
Anyway, i have learned to live with the lack of information, i don’t ask “stupid” questions anymore – like “where are we going”, “how many will come” and a lot more like that.
It just give me a peaceful life, why worry when i don’t know
Axel
You are the perfect demonstration of the “Mushroom Theory” We are living it, but as long as the beer remains cold……………
OMG Paul! You described my life since getting married to a “T”. I thought it was just me when we were living in the states but then I came here and found it happens to everyone (expat and Filipino alike). These women are either the smartest women in the world or they’re the most evil in the world, take your pick.
About the typhoon thing. Dodong left and all we got were some sprinkles. I want some rain!
RT;
The Dodong typhoon, it came, it saw, it farted and faded away. I know the Corp also operated under the “Mushroom Theory” so we should be well used to it by now. Or like today at 0745 my brother –in –law and his son just shouted “Good Morning Kuya as they were carrying tools to the patio on the roof. I’m still sitting here typing, and the curiosity has not affected me a whit. I’ll find out later, or maybe I won’t?
Bob, I have been away from LIP for several years (long story). How do I sign in so I can comment on the articles.
Donald;
Bob will forgive you, but I’m still miffed!!! (LOL)
Bob, I have been away from LIP for several years (long story). How do I sign in so I can comment on the articles.
I smiled at Paul’s article. So true. Things that might make you angry and upset OR put them in a bad light are concealed or evaded.
I smiled at Paul’s article. So true. Things that might make you angry and upset OR put them in a bad light are concealed or evaded.
Donald Lecraw;
Geting angry is covered in the “Urinating up a rope” comment. It’s an exercise in futility.
Donald Lecraw Getting angry is covered in the “Urinating up a rope” comment. It’s an exercise in futility.
Donald Lecraw Getting angry is covered in the “Urinating up a rope” comment. It’s an exercise in futility.
Thanks for the nice chuckle to start off another week at work Paul.
I just got back from another wonderful vacation in Iligan City, Mindanao. Your article explains to me some of the experiences I have had during my visits. Another part of the culture, learned, here on ” LIP ” and a few in-person experiences, while visiting.
Bob (NY)
And how many Jollibee’s did you visit this vacation? That is the one place they will tell you the facts, just the facts. I believe it is a cultural thing, leaning more to the female side of the house as the Filipino is in the dark as much as we are. I’m so used to it it’s as water to a ducks back. But it needed to be discussed. (lol)
Believe it or not, I only visited 1 Jollibee location, my favorite one of course. Each visit there seem to be more and more new restaurants opening I like to try them and visit favorites from past visits as well.
I may make another visit later this year as I still have hundreds of hours of vacation time saved up from my job.
Bob (NY)
I remember those days of stacking up vacation days, between ship’s I’d get paid for 45 days but could stay home longer on my own dime. Normally I was on vacation 2 months between ships. Now I have no vacations or days off…. I don’t miss the ship’s but I do miss the money.
Paul,
Funny thing here: my wife gets more annoyed by the lack of information than I do! She moved to the US when she was 18 and we only moved back to the Philippines in March. Aside from a few visits between 2008 and 2013, she hadn’t been in her home country for over 30 years. Hence, she is VERY Americanized. I don’t suffer as much from the mushroom effect for now, but I’m sure that will change as she settles back into full Filipina mode!
It’s been an interesting couple of months. I’m happy to say that years of research and reading expat blogs and such prepared me quite well for my new life. I’m actually more acclimated to our life here than my Filipina asawa! I hope we can hook up for lunch or something one of the times we drive down to Olongapo.
Doug;
I’ve found that to be true my friend Don and his wife have been married over 35 years, and they are from San Diego.(Kids and Grandkids there) They bought a house close to me here and visit for 3 months at a time. This year her husband took to life here like a duck to water, and she was the frustrated one. So I guess it does happen.
I’m in for a month of oral surgery so I won’t be coming out to play until that’s over. But in the future it’s a plan.
Doug – I hope your wife adjusts better than mine did. I was exactly where you were about 1.5 years ago. I was chillin’ and adjusting to the simple life just fine, thank you. Meanwhile she was on a slow burn, missing all the conveniences (a.k.a expenses) of the States.
Now we are back State-side and just received all of our belongings that “just never made it out of storage and into that ship container”. There’s a story to be written for sure on all the things I learned about life in the Philippines in that short time, but it will ultimately come down to what works for you AND your family when all is said-and-done. Bob made it work – and bravo to him. I’m choosing to take the long view and focus on my family’s well-being for now (and getting the bills paid somehow). Finding solace where you are was one of those lessons.
“Happy wife – happy life” – truer words were never spoken. We guys can be “right” about our fixes to life’s problems until the cows come home. But it doesn’t matter, because I couldn’t help but notice that we always willing to wait for the cows to come home while the bull is at peace being left to his own in the pasture.
Sure, Paul could do a bang-up job solving problems. But Mayang wants to solve them her way even more so. Grab a beer and enjoy the shade under that mushroom. Paul!
Ouch… I think I just pulled something with that last metaphor…
Great read as always, Paul. Best wishes from the States!
John Weeks;
I’ve never taken my family to the Big PX, as my life as a seaman would not have worked in the states. I would have put her in Podunk somewhere and flew off to a ship for 4 to 6 months, unfair to them. I built them a house here and provided a good life all without the supposed comforts of America. How are you going to get them back on the farm, after they’ve seen Disneyland? (lol) We each must do what is best for our family.
It doesn’t work for everyone here, and in the states I never saw a Floridian retire in New England. (LOL)
Loved the article Paul.
A major source of frustration that I find is when it comes to needing money for something important. My wife’s family is so shy that I quite often only find out the requirement for payment of school fees etc. the night before they need to be paid. What with working outside the PI it usually takes two days to transfer the money and we end up scrambling to good old Western Union and getting stung by their charges.
Anyway, to find out well in advance about pending typhoons you should use the following website as it will give you days of warning –
http://www.accuweather.com/en/hurricane/west-pacific
or this one
http://www.tropicalstormrisk.com/
and for sea conditions try this one (quite fascinating!)
http://www.stormsurfing.com/cgi/display.cgi?a=npac_height
Also, I now know how to get the comments count up on an article, should I get round to writing one, you just keep pressing the send button!
Cheers
AJ UK
AJ UK;
I watched three teenagers at a 7-11 on the Subic Freeport with their pile of snack items on the counter. And not one had money, each assuming the other would pay. That is training for adulthood. My family knows that I keep my money in the states and transfer some in every few months, so no prior notice, and no ready cash. (Of course I have an emergency account here but that is for my emergences not theirs)
Thank you for the links…..
Yes AJ I notice that I am left in the dark, till I am needed to pull the Ox out of the ditch. but I also notice that there are Layers of mushroom effects, my wife is not told by her family than when she finds out something she may not tell me.
I am like, if I wasn’t told earlier then don’t tell me now! but in the end that is just words.
James Speight;
So it appears the Mushroom Theory was not purely the property of the Navy? (lol)
Very Nice and I think I am going to adopt your reply of Dodong in response to Hey Joe!
Chris S;
Just like Facebook, we can share, but be ready for the odd looks you’ll get in return. (lol)
Paul, I am kept in the dark a lot of the time, and, honestly, that’s usually the way I like it. She is in charge in the household.
I’ve seen her job.
I know her job.
I don’t want her job.
I am happy to be told where to be, when to be, and how much I need to pay.
What is so funny, though, is that outside of the house, the roles are completely reversed. Since I travel so much for work, I have many times gotten a call, “I went to Shopwise and bought Mama a new rice cooker… It was 500 Pesos”
My response is usually something to the effect of, “Is there money in the account? What’s the matter with that?”
Rebecca is a far better money manager than I will ever be. I trust her 100%. But it still goes back to “Inside the house” or “Outside the house.”
Inside, my opinion is neither required nor wanted. Outside, she would not make a decision to save her own life….
John;
And that is the paradox of living here, how Mayang runs her house is of no concern to me, lights are on the water is flowing and the house is clean and well stocked. All is well, but when a typhoon is roaring down on me, or the power will be off for a few days, I just want a little heads up. Put me in the loop, share the word with me. As for most other things a space ship could land next-door and I wouldn’t care. It’s a fine line we must walk in the care and feeding of a mushroom….(lol)
Paul,
Keeping secrets and not telling me things is one of the reasons i got divorced from the first wife lol. With Anne i am very lucky to have her. She takes charge of everything here. Just got back to the Philippines late Sunday night. Glad to be back. Was a very eventful stay there.
PapaDuck;
Not secrets just information that you might need, “Honey Ko, the news said there is a meteor rushing towards our purok.” Stuff like that I’d like a little heads up. (lol)
Paul –
The thing is those kind of information are classified – anything that has to do with events in outer space may require top secret clearance in your household. Has Mayang granted you one? On top of that, there are certain classified information that Mayang may withhold from you even if you have a top secret clearance because some classified information are disseminated only to certain individuals on a “need-to-know” basis.
For example, when was the last time you examined your joint checking account? LOL
John Reyes;
Need to know? In the Navy I was not cleared to Read the Navy Times Newspaper. My wife has three accounts here in her name that I am not involved with except to replenish every few months. Again I’m in the dark.
Is gossip considered “Classified Information? (lol)
Paul –
Yes. Gossip is classified Top Secret as long as it stays between the gossipper and the gossippee. It becomes unclassified when it reaches the person the gossipper and the gossippee is gossiping about. Then all hell breaks loose.
John Reyes;
There is a purok gabfest every afternoon as the sun sets out front at the neighbors house. I thank my stars that it is conducted 100% in Tagalog, so I just sip my beer and nod.