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The Definition of Insanity:

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Internet in the Boondocks looks like this

Internet in the Boondocks looks like this

This is not a repeat of my never ending Y2K problems on a mountain in Dinalupihan Bataan. Which if memory serves me I have mentioned a time or two.

49 Ways to Make a Living in the Philippines

No this is directed at the administrators of the Globe, Smart, Sun and PLDT telecommunications companies. I won’t bore you with each separate company and their constant text and calling solicitation attempts as they are all pretty much the same I’ll collectivity refer to them as “The Cella Phone Guys”

Ring-ring, I put down my beer (And or coffee depending on the time of day) and reach to find and then pick up my phone. “Good Day Sir; I’m phoning from (One of) “The Cella Phone Guys” and we were wondering if you are interested in our super duper wiz-bang DSL 4G internet service that won’t rust bust or collect dust wear or tear and gather hair? (That was left over from my car selling days). This has been ongoing for years; I’ll stop the spiel mid paragraph and say: “Oh my yes, my goodness I’ve been praying that someone will call and offer that service!” Then I give them my address and they promise they will send a service representative to my door within so many working days I always end the call with: “Oh joy, Thank You!!! I’m so excited.”

Dangling dongle

Dangling dongle

Most of you from past articles know that I am on line only by the grace of a Globe Tattoo Dongle dangling out my window attempting to garner a stray passing signal. All “The Cella Phone Guys” have been upon my roof over the past ten years with every manner of electronic Tom-foolery and or type of gadget poking and stabbing the air in a desperate attempt to locate a signal, but it’s in vain and to no avail for my land is one and truly the only place on earth affected by the dreaded Y2K bug.. Meanwhile scratching their collective heads while staring further up the mountain within in clear line of sight the vast array of Cell Towers that for some reason known only to the Gods the signal cannot penetrate the mountain air and be received at “Casa de Mayang”.

Now I can’t remember all he times “The Cella Phone Guys” have come to my house and then each has given me the same sad news. Kuya, the signal is “Not in Stock.”

But within days the phone will ring again and I’ll set down my beer and or coffee and repeat those words I’ve said so many times; “Oh my yes, my goodness I’ve been praying that someone will call and offer that service!”

It is the little things in life that bring the most joy.

My thoughts go to an area that should be steeped in common sense; the four companies are selling computer and Smart Phone connections. The Service Department Guy (Should) note on the form “This address is in a DEAD ZONE” information from the form should be entered into the various company’s monster sized computer data bases, so the next telephone solicitor does not make the call to Casa De Mayang due to the red flagged “Dead Zone” But in case they missed it, the service representative in the morning will see that our address is “Red Flagged” in the Dead Zone, smile and scratch it off the master list. But if he misses it and shows up to my house I’ll once more take him to my roof and let them poke and stab the air. But by now, I’ll see the head being scratched, and the light bulb going off over his head as he turns and says to me; “Kuya, I think I know you?”

As you might surmise I don’t get out much and must grab my fun as it presents itself, and if the phone rings again, we will go through this drill in perpetuity, because it costs me nothing but a little time, and I get a great amount of pleasure from it.

The definition of insanity; is to repeat the same actions over and over again while expecting a different result. To the cella phone guy’s I want to thank you each and everyone for the small pleasures you’ve brought me over the years, feel free to call me anytime!

Posted in

Paul Thompson

Paul Thompson; has resided in the Philippines since 1993, living close to Subic Bay. I’m married to a wonderful girl named Maria (AKA Mayang).Who is from Gordon Heights in Olongapo where she grew up with her Mom & Dad and seven siblings Our two daughters are both grown up and have left the nest, the eldest married to a wonderful guy named Chris, and they have blessed us with our granddaughter Heather Colleen Our youngest daughter and her husband Cecil have blessed us with a grandson named. Jayden Logan. I’m a retired U.S. NAVY Senior Chief after 22 years of active duty. After retirement from the Navy I lived for 7 years in Puerto Rico as a Night Club owner. Then Hurricane Hugo told me to find a new line of work, I was hired by Military Sealift Command and went back to sea in Asia as a Merchant Seaman for 10 years. After 30 plus years at sea I buried my anchor on a mountain in the Philippines and am now residing in Dinalupihan (or DinBat for short), Roosevelt, Bataan where we built our home. And last but not least, anything I writes will be pure "Tongue in Cheek "If anybody is offended, I'll lose no sleep over it, but here's a quick Mea Culpa in advance!

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Hey Joe
6 years ago

There s going to be a new sheriff in town Paul. That’s right, Australia’s biggest telecom provider is coming to compete with the Cellaphone guys and offer much higher speed internet service than 4g currently provides here. that should give you one more company to play with though maybe not for very long. I don’t think they will fall into the definition of stupid and certainly not Galacticly stupid!

MindanaoBob
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Hi Paul – I think that the only reason they will be allowed in is because it is a partnership with San Miguel. Maybe they will run a special line to your house first, because you buy so much of their beer! 🙂

bigp
bigp
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Let’s stop the truck, purchase the load and have a barangay party as the truck rumbles off up the hill spreading the wire.

MindanaoBob
6 years ago
Reply to  Hey Joe

I bet it will be 3 to 5 years before Manila sees any availability of service from Telstra, and at least 10 years before those outside Manila see any services available. Just my guess.

Hey Joe
6 years ago
Reply to  MindanaoBob

While the Philippine government Has and does want foreign investment, it,s track record is pretty poor. Case in point was Fedex who spent millions to create their Asia hub at Clark, hired Filippino workers and manages only to be thrown out because they were “Foreign owned” , It’s like having Lucy Hold the Foot ball for Charlie Brown!

MindanaoBob
6 years ago
Reply to  Hey Joe

My understanding is that FedEx chose to leave, not got kicked out. They went to China for a better deal than they got here.

Daniel Thompson
Daniel Thompson
6 years ago

There’s a new cell service that may help you Paul.
Go to deadzoniea.com and check them out…

Daniel Thompson
Daniel Thompson
6 years ago

There’s a new cell service that may help you Paul.
Go to deadzoniea.com and check them out…

Derek
6 years ago

Hi Paul, one of the pleasures of life in the Philippines the crap Internet service even in
Manila it’s bad depending on the time of the day, we had pldt but had to change to sky
Which are much better anyway you have to get out more ,went to the movies yesterday
Watched Everest good movie came back had a couple of beers, life’s good in the Philippines ,Derek in pasig .

PapaDuck
PapaDuck
6 years ago

Paul,
Competition is always good for the customers, but not for the providers. The providers blame the government for all the red tape it takes to build improved telecommunications infrastructure, which may be partially correct, but most should be placed squarely on the providers.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul, certainly though you and I have had prior ‘communications misunderstandings’, I couldn’t express what you wrote today any more succinctly than you already did, so please forgive my quoting you again.

Paul provided: “As I stand on my roof and glance at the vast array of cell towers above me I put my hand over my mouth and pretend to cough and mumble; “BULLSHIT” right back at them.”

Yes. Exactly.

–ed

Jade
Jade
6 years ago

We are in the middle of deciding which Internet provider to choose. Our house is in Calamba City, Laguna, Luzon. The contenders are Smart Bro which we had before and Globe. At first Globe seemed best but now we find they want us to pay for 100 meters of cable at 250 pesos per foot to reach their connection hub. (I guess) That’s 25,000 pesos ($537.44). For a hunk of cable – THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! Sorry Globe if we can’t buy and put up our own cable you’ve lost a customer. Back to wireless with(not so) Smart Bro. We’ve been without… Read more »

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Jade

Correction: That’s per meter not per foot. My mistake for not proofreading… can’t blame spellcheck for that…

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Jade

Another correction:
Daisy informs me that the company in contention is not Globe which is all wireless but rather P.L.D.T. Philippines Long Distance Telephone which is not wireless.
It all makes sense now. Except for the exceptionally high price for the cable installation.
Thanks for your patience and hopefully, understanding.
JADE

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Jade

Globe does offer landline and DSL in some places and sometimes is the only provider. Back in Cavite I couldn’t get PLDT service in one particular subdivision but Globe did offer landline+DSL there, though it took almost 2 months of constant pushing to get them to run a line a few meters from their pole.

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Ed

Ed –
Thanks for that information. I did not know that before about Globe having some landline service.
Daisy is not that technically minded but she did give me the information that her first choice was pldt. Most of my information comes from the internet. We will carry on.
again thanks
Jade

MindanaoBob
6 years ago
Reply to  Jade

I have Globe DSL (land line service). It is the best wired Internet I have had in the Philippines. At my previous home, I had PLDT and it was terrible.

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Jade

BTW, Paul –
Do you still have that hairless tearless rust free car for sale?

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul,
Please elaborate. I’d like to hear the entire speil from the silver tongued car salesman.
Thanking you in advance…
JADE

Jade
Jade
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

I agree with you Paul.
They’d probably do that if I bought the cable and put it up myself…
JADE

TagumCityTim
TagumCityTim
6 years ago

Paul, I am right there with you buddy. Even though I live in one of the bigger towns in Davao Del Norte province (and the Provincial Capitol at that), Internet service here is limited to wireless Smart and Globe which really sucks (I’m in a dead zone too) or PLDT Home DSL which is what I use. Great if no one else is logged on but most of the time I still pick up about a 1.0 to 1.5M upload speed which isn’t all that bad for surfing the Net. My kids though get really frustrated when the connection lags… Read more »

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Yup, Paul, and in my experience, after they sucker whoever is stupid enough to toss money, they will install **FREE** next door one month later. Though you already surely know that, my comment is for the benefit of other readers.

Joshua Hodo
6 years ago

Sadly there is no reason for either of the companies to upgrade due to lack of competition. The amount of spectrum available for cellular data does not match the 1990 level of service offered.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

I expect your posting was intended to induce the unwashed to think.
In any event, they use the undue profits from *stupid*people* to get yet more newer stupid people to throw money at them.

Buyer beware!!!!!!!!!

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul, I suspect you might have intended your question rhetorically with humour attached.

Just in case not, generic reference in many circles to “the unwashed masses” typically refers to those who have yet to trip over and soak their heads in a clue bucket, and would likely not apply to anyone reading this. In reading you postings I however suspect you’ve met a few of them.

Derek
6 years ago

Hi Paul, traffic signs or stop signs they don’t know what they are in Manila, I’m not
Surprised so many get tickets in subic, when I drive there I stop at every sign wherever
There is a traffic enforcer or not, also found the jeepney drivers in olongapo way better
Than some of the clowns in Manila,Derek in pasig.

Rusty
Rusty
6 years ago

Paul,

I have know for sometime of a way to get faster cell phone/internet service. If you send me $59.99 I’ll tell this extremely reliable information. This information is very secretive. So hurry.

Rusty.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

O wow Paul, I’m sorry and i profusely apologize for anything subsequent, since you raised the issue of postal mail in the Philippines. Please do elaborate from your own experiences and please don’t take offense on followups.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago

Paul, I suspect the people constantly calling with offers they can’t possibly fulfill are outsourced people with about 16 minutes of “training”. When they call me and start to natter unintelligibly I politely ask them to speak english. This results in further gibberish. I don’t know what language (if any) they’re purporting to use but it’s not Tagalog either. Might be some obscure Pakistani dialect, I don’t know. I just reply in english, requesting what I would like then to offer. They eventually just hang up since they’re totally unable to communicate. There are periodic occasions when I need to… Read more »

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul, yes it’s excruciatingly obvious that they are blind calling with the majority of their callers having zero proficiency in english or tagalog. To stretch it just a bit more, it might even be phishing, to get anyone stupid enough to divulge confidential info so that the stupd will lose their 27pesos life savings.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Sigh, Paul, if only I was bored enough with no morals, I could pay the rent by confusing and deceiving people. Legal in the Philippines it seems. Sigh.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

I sincerely hope your daughter will not be forced to urinate down her let in trying to deal with “the Globe office”. In my case *they* owe _me_ but I will get a Round Tuit pursuing that in due course years after the fact.

That stated, Globe people are way better face-to-face than PLDT.
Sun used to be good but surprise, who bought them and immediately discharged anyone with a brain?

To your mention, it’s pretty clear that *their* cheque to *me* is **NOT** in the mail. heh. Good luck!

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul, with all due respect, you are the one who first commented about urination at a Globe office. My point was supporting yours in context, pure and simple. It was no more a slight againstyour daughter than your mention in your original posting. After all, it was YOUR initial mention, which I took in context. That you should take umbrage to your original posting and context is totally beyond reason.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Thanks Paul, including the sailor education. Especially given that, you appreciate my comment in context – in fact your context. Good and thanks for clarifying. Now if only the cause of your posting and our discourse would prove fruitful, so no confusing – meaning what you first posted.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Paul, as you wrote: “To urinate up a rope is a sailor term, meaning to waste ones time in an activity that will bear no result except a wet pant leg.|
… um yes, “p…s up a rope”. got it and oh so true. Sailors got it right.
Now how do we translate that to Tagalog? Even if we do, how can we get anyoine here to grok?

Ed
Ed
6 years ago
Reply to  Paul Thompson

Nap seems an excellent plan. Sui is coming up. Can’t earn any money right now so better catch a few winks before the kids open their eyes!

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