Today I got a text from our helper that she is quitting.
She went home a few days ago to the province to visit her Dad and attend the wedding of her uncle.
Our helper was complaining how did her uncle afford to be getting married (even special wedding) that him and his wife has no job. The wife-to-be is like 5 months pregnant now. A few months back that same uncle was asking some money from our helper for her to help the wedding expenses. I told her at that time that would you really want to send the money to your uncle even your dad is needing the money for his check up? Her dad is kind of sickly with old age and overwork in the farm. She told me that she wants the money to be given to her dad. I had a feeling that the family is forcing them to help pay with the wedding. My nieces and I even told her to just send the money to her dad because the fare to go to the farm can already pay half sack of rice. Which is a big deal to her family.
She has been working with us for over 2 years now. When I hired her I told her that I don’t want for her to just stay with me for a few months and I will train her how to do some work and later on quit. Well, at least she stayed for 2 years.
When she first came to our house she really looked pretty bad, her teeth had lots of problems, her skin was so dry because of working in the farm. Really we felt sorry for her. The next day when she came I immediately brought her to the dentist for her teeth to get fixed first. The dentist did a good job and our helper was really happy with the result. At least for staying here for 2 years she really learned a lot and she looks better. Even her neighbors in the province would always comment to her that she must have been treated good with her employer because she looks great now.
She told my sister that it is hard for her to quit because we really treated her good, but just that she wants to be with her family all the time. My sister said that how could she afford the medicine and the food if she’s not working? Our helper said that it’s okay for her to work at the next town and have a smaller paycheck as long as shes near to her dad.
I think she is now helping her aunt to do laundry (labandera). Some of her cousins want her to be the nanny of their babies and kids. They even got mad at her for working with us since we are not her family. I think she’s just so tired of their whining and will just work with them to get it over with. She really despises her extended family because when her and her dad were in need of her family to help them because one of her siblings got ill, the family just turned them away and told them they had no money.
But when the uncle was getting ready to get married the family really told the dad of our helper that they have to give this amount of money and they have to give it right away. And now that our helper was working and earning a little bit to support her dad and siblings the family wants a portion of her paycheck too. Sometimes I told her to get her priority straight. To focus on her dad and her siblings instead of her relatives.
I really hope she is happy on the next job that she ventures. I hope that she will not get married soon, shes too young to have a kid too.
Feyma
I think we all have some similar stories, but this one tells even more so the pressure that can be put on by family and extended family, it's not fair and like you advise her the right way but eventually the pressure tells. We had a similar case just a month ago where i got the feeling our maid left just because she was intimidated by her family pressure. "why are you there looking after those kids while you could be looking after family" etc etc
We heard that the young maid is now working un-paid within the extended family whereas she was treated here like one of the family, of course she had duties to perform
Me, as a foreigner are not subject to these pressures, thankfully, so, any pressures that do come from being a foreigner, we must remember that others with much less than ourselves come under much more pressure
good luck to both your girl and our ex-helper too
Thank you Feyma for the very insightful post. It really explains a lot about the workings of the extended family structure in the Philippines. I hope things work out for your former maid. It sounds like you tried very hard to make her feel like a part of your family.
Same story with my friend he had a maid he had for over 3 years and he was willing to send her to school so long as she stayed with them (she was realy good at brushing dogs).The Mom forced maid to go home because she had to go home take care of her nieces.
The maid keeps texting my friend that she is unpaid help and she is sad and wished she stayed with my friend.
It's sad…
I 'm gonna have to email you privately and tell you about the ungrateful maid I just fired though, LOL! 😉
Hi rick b – Thats one thing thats hard for me to understand they want to provide for their family, but how could they if they don't have job then. Like right now I found out from my sister that our maid before just hang out there with her new boyfriend and don't have any job. Well, I guess she wants to be married soon. I hope not, shes too young.
Oh well, it's their life. I can't control her. Did you guys got a new maid again? Good luck to you and Anne.
Hi David S. – Thank you for writing. Honestly I was really happy at first that maid works for us. For one for her to help her dad support her siblings, since her mom left them few years ago. We really help her through tough times. The thing that worries me now is she might be getting married and shes young, I heard that the boyfriend is not really a responsible guy. Even the dad of that guy complained how lazy his son is. I guess she will learn her lesson later then. I really hope they will wait for awhile before getting married though.
Hi Cheryll Ann – Now the maid of your friend really learn her lesson that nothing will really happened with her life staying with her mom. I'm sure your friend will not accept her anymore.
Yes, I want to hear more of this. Will meet up one day this week or next when your free too. Take care my dear friend, see you soon.
Its great to hear these kinds of stories, i know they are difficult to understand why people do such things.. but on the other hand for people heading out to the Philippines it offers more understanding that common sense doesnt always shine through..
Im more involved with developing business with my wives family rather than take on an extra pair of hands at home.. But after reading your insight and the replies on here does make me wonder if even I did take a maid on would I really be doing any good or just encouraging her to be taken advantage of by her family members?
G'day Feyna…no matter how much we tried to help others..if they doesn't help themselves ..there's nothing more we can do..I encounter the same case as you have ..for 8 years she's working with us..2 times betrayed our trust..yet she's doing it not for her family the 2nd time but fooling around with the carpenter around the neighborhood.. i cannot wait for the 3rd time to happened…and let her go..she ended up with 2 kids with different father… 🙄
common sense is not common here.. 😀
A close friend help me to understand..help those who help themself..When will they ever learned…it's there choice…when we help we don't ask in return..up to them now to do something about it.. 🙂
Hi Matt Wilkie – Thats one thing that we always questions and wonder why they can't see the good thing you do for them. Then later they are regretting it.
It's hard also seeing this people just being used by their families and they are allowing it and be whining about it too. Sometimes we want to shake them and tell them wake up. 🙁
Anyway, thank you so much for dropping by! I appreciate your comment!
Hi Jocelyn – Can't agree you more on this. >>> (no matter how much we tried to help others..if they doesn’t help themselves ..there’s nothing more we can do..>>>).
It's really hard to trust them. Gosh, we felt sorry for them but sometimes I felt they just don't care. I felt they will just think whats for today not for the future. If you gave them a harder job that they will be a bit more responsible they will freak out and complained. My goodness how would they ever learned in life.
Really I hope that this maid of mine that just quit, I really hope that she will be happy with her decisions. I guess I heard now that she is getting serious with the guy that she is dating.
Thanks for sharing this, Feyma. As I think you know we had somehting similar happen a few months ago .. http://www.mitams.com/losing-more-than-a-maid/
it made us sad, especially Mita who had spent a lot of time on this girl who originally came to us when her mom, who did day work for my mother-in-law, was too sick to work and the six other siblings at home were hungry.
Even though we tried to help this girl out by 'hiding' some of her money for her. I know the family was nagging at her continually for money … especially her older sister, who is 18 and perfectly capable of working … but would prefer to task her 15yo sister to provide for everyone.
Well, she's gone now, who knows what will happen, and I'll miss her … anyone want to by some grade 2 math and English books (we wanted her to at least be able to read and write, I think that caused a lot of friction with the family because tey felt she was 'putting on airs, trying to 'rise above her station').
In general I have really enjoyed my time here, but situations like that make me really sad. We've turned down several offers to fuind anotherhelper since then … I don't want another experience like that last one.
Hey Dave Starr,
Appreciate the personal email
sorry I hit the wrong button, but what I was going to say is that even though one person is less than what we would want, don't give up hope. as long as you are doing the right thing, then maybe it will help someone and all we can do is try. keep on being the good person and Karma will always bless you. people always have their own agenda. And there is nothing we can do but show them love.
its sad to read something like that. feels like the best of there generation is being scarified for the children of the worst.
they get a job and treated really well by there employers.willing to invest/train them as well
then the "extended" family want have there say/cut….on things