Live in the Philippines

Live in the Philippines helps expats with visas, moving and other services regarding the Philippines.

The Prime Directive

Adjustment / by

If you ever watched a Star Trek episode on TV or one of the countless Star Trek movies you’ll understand what I mean by the Prime Directive I quickly figured out many years ago when that first foreigner married that first Piney, and that it must have originated right here in the Philippines.. Gene Roddenberry must have based the Prime Directive for Star Trek after a visit to the Philippines

Yes, I violated the prime directive again here in the Philippines. To whit I interfered with my wife’s method of doing something, it this case it was shopping and this is not the first time in twenty years that I’ve done it, and once more it bit me square on the arse. (Notice when you use the British term arse it sounds nicer than the American term ass?)

But in my defense it’s March and it’s so hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk; I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking I’m talking it’s hot! The Royal store on Subic was trying to keep their prices down by cutting back on the Air/Con I was pushing the larger of the two shopping carts following behind Mayang in a dutiful manner. When it occurred to me that I could slide to the checkout area and wait there. And wait there a little longer and a little longer so I waited with perspiration dripping from my brow and spoiling the fresh produce.

As good stewards of the Philippine Ecology we have over the years transitioned from the use of plastic shopping bags to the reusable cloth ones. Now before I pat myself on the back and you think I’m a liberal tree hugger it was done because it is now the law in this area. The National Flower of the Philippines “The Plastic Shopping Bag” which once decorated every tree and bush along the roadways is fast becoming a thing of the past. Another passing dinosaur headed for extinction.

Twenty years ago it was the incandescent light bulb and then came the Fluorescent light bulbs (CFL light bulb) and we even tried a few halogens which will fry your brain if sitting under one. Well now it’s the shift is to LED light bulbs and dear lord are they expensive, but I’m told (And verified it on line) that the little devils last an inordinately long time and use less power. Plus all of Mayang’s friends use them, so that is reason enough.

She wheels up the second shopping cart and said; “I need to get some LED light bulbs, I’ll be right back.” You and I both know that is not true, all light bulbs must be unpackaged and tested one at a time. My heat index was peaked (Still conserving money with the Air/Con at the store and I’ve been pushing the damn cart for what seemed like hours.. I’m, you can stick a fork in me done.

I grab a young employee and task him with guarding my carts so an overzealous manager will not have them put my stuff back on the shelves, I’ve seen it happen and dash to the bulb section to try and hurry the process up. I stick my Kano nose in the middle of something that I truly don’t understand all in the name of expediency; I am foolish to the tenth power. But Mayang said; “Okay we will not test the bulbs but remember Honey KO they cost PNP 600.00 each!”

Now this is why the Prime Directive was written: “To protect against the unintentional unbalancing of the Space Time Continuum” Which may cause the world to spin wildly off its axes. That is exactly what I had done…..Captain Kirk why didn’t we remember the lessons Mr. Spock tried to teach us.

After arriving home: I unload the car, then my wife sister-in-law niece and daughter proceed to stow all purchases, in the proper locations. I head upstairs to our room and jump into the shower and using the coldest shower to wash away the heat of the Big PO (Olongapo City). As I came back down the ladies were waiting with the new LED bulbs for me to install in the kitchen’s ceiling light and fan. I knew I was in the wrong as I stood on the ladder removing the old CFL light bulbs. Then I hear it as I screw in the new and improved LED Light bulb. It’s YELLOW for use outside and not in Mayang’s kitchen. Wait for it…. Paul if I was allowed to test them at the Royal store we would not own PNP 3,000.00 worth of the WRONG type of bulb. You saw that coming didn’t you?

Brain shift’s to save Paul’s butt mode, remembering that all the LED bulbs in the car port and surrounding the house were of the daylight indoor type. Trusty ladder and I sally forth to exchange the old for the new and return the proper lights to her kitchen.

Then I turn to those sceptical ladies and announce; “See that was my plan all along!” Well that didn’t work for a second, but I stood my ground as any former man of the sea would. And thinking of the sailor’s adage: “Scheme never plan and deceit prior to disaster.” and once more pulled my fat from the fire.

Hopefully I’ll remember not to violate the Prime Directive in the future because I doubt if I could think that fast on my feet again, whereas in my younger days I could do it anytime, it is becoming harder in my advancing years. The “Prime Directive” was established with a valid reason, adhere to it and maintain your happy life.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hi Paul.
    Laughed my ARSE off and also enjoyed how you got your t-t out of the wringer. I’ll have to remember some of your “Solutions”.
    Keep your writings coming, I’m sure I’m NOT the only one who enjoys them.

  2. Heinz;
    I had a lot of friends in the Royal Navy, and many here in the Philippines too, but being from Boston, I’m surprised we didn’t use the word arse also. Thanks for reading LiP.

  3. Hi Paul, another gem of an article. Right about the weather, not wanted to get off my ARSE its so hot lol.

      • Hi Paul, yes be nice to get some rain. I have been paying to get the canals cleaned here before it comes. They will have invented the flying pig before Barangay do it lol.

        • John J.;
          A group of friends live in a subdivision in the barrio and a few times a year it floods. I’m sitting at one of the guy’s house having a cocktail and I remembered in the 1980’s that area stayed dry. We walked over to their storm canal and the neighbors were using it as a land fill. I wonder why it flooded?

  6. Made my day. 2 days ago it snowed and I was bitching & wishing I was in Olongapo. Your description of the heat made me thankful I am here in 60 degree weather today.

    • Big “P”’
      Loren, I’m a ray of sunshine in your snowy day. Billy was up the house Saturday, and then we bar hopped along the beach in Subic. Great Day!!!

  8. Arse!

    I reckon this post/comments should win a pride for featuring the word “arse” more than any other on LIP!

    You don’t realize it you know, but you did know about those yellow bulbs all along. It’s all a matter of the subconscious you see!

    • Hmmmmph. Comments are not editable…it should win a PRIZE, not a group of lions. What on earth good would a group of lions be to the average lip reader?

    • Jim;
      Arse is a great word, but there are others used in England, I’m give a miss. Like Windscreen over the US Windshield. I want everything kept out of my car’s front seat, not just bugs.
      I had no idea the color of the bulbs until we arrived home, but then I knew they were wrong within a second…

  9. Paul, with all due respect, from my perspective the “prime directive” is much more basic. You may disagree.
    My “prime directive” is to do my utmost to ensure the survival and possible advancement of my children ih the Philippines, and further my wife should she not continue to defeat my efforts to help all while I’m still alive and able.
    –ed

    • ED:
      Those too are good goals; I have no disagreement with that. But child rearing needs no directive, it should be automatic. Dr. Benjamin Spock tried to direct child rearing and screwed up an entire generation.

  10. Yes, there are many what we would think of as silly things they do in the stores in the Philippines, like plug in every single thing you buy to make sure it works. Its the immediate, I want it, give it to me, let me pay, I’m outa here attitude that doesn’t fly in these stores, especially if you’re a Kano. Is it just us that will get 3 twenty year old sales people come over to us when looking for the right Barbie doll to buy a child?

    • Marc;
      I bought a power washer at Handy City in the Mall, and yes they hooked it up to water plugged it in and showed me it worked quite a mess. Now they were going to try and put it into the box disassembled so I could take it home and assemble it. Please just put it in the trunk of my car the way it is please…..

  11. Hi Paul,
    Ducking and diving as usual, LoL.

    Back in old England I can remember the Hardware shops testing light bulbs before you paid.
    T’was a sound idea when they had no returns policy, or some people like me would take an old blown bulb in for exchange 🙂 lol.