Live in the Philippines

Live in the Philippines helps expats with visas, moving and other services regarding the Philippines.

Why do westerners think we know best?

Expats / by

I am 53 years old.  In my 53 years, I have lived 18 years as an expat.

My first stint as an expat was when I was a child, so I didn’t really have the analytical skills that I have now, and not nearly as observant of the actions of other people or their attitudes.  The past nearly 15 years, though, I have lived as an Expat.  I am an American, but have lived in the Philippines for nearly 16 years.

During my time living in the Philippines, one thing I can say is that I have learned a lot.  Additionally:

  1. My attitudes have changed drastically.
  2. My opinions have changed.
  3. In observing my fellow Americans, and also expats from other western countries, I have been quite disturbed at many times.

Change of attitudes.

There was a day when I really felt that America did almost no wrong, nothing but good.

We are always #1
We are always #1

I still believe that Americans and westerners from other countries tend to do what they think is right, but they are not always correct in what they think is right.  I have seen so many incidents where westerners were either visiting the Philippines or relatively new in having moved here to live.  It is at this stage of being an expat that people think that their country does everything the proper way.  If they see that things are done differently in the Philippines (or another country, I only use the Philippines as an example because this is where I live), they automatically think that the way the Filipinos do it is incorrect, because it is not done they same way they are accustomed to seeing.

Why should America be correct on everything?  Why should Britain be correct?  France?  Italy?  Frankly, have you ever stopped to consider that the way the Philippines does some things may be the best way, and the way it was done “back home” was inferior?  Frankly, it is quite possible that would be the case.

The truth is that no one way of doing anything is 100% correct.  Each group of people around the world has worked out the way that is best for them, and there is nothing at all wrong with that!  As I observe other foreigners belittling their hosts here in the Philippines, I can almost always think back on some of my actions in my early days of living here.  I was the same.  America was always right.  I see it differently now, though.  Perhaps America is right, but that does not mean that the Philippines or any other country is wrong.  They are just different, and their method of doing something may be the best for them!

Change of opinions.

Yes, my opinions on many things has also changed greatly over the years.  Much to my surprise, things that were very important to me some 20 years ago are just not all that important any more.  Some of these opinion changes I can attribute to aging and gaining more experience, but many of these changes I can clearly see are because I have left the country of my birth and gained a fresh perspective on the world.  When I first felt this type of change happening, it was a bit alarming to me.  Now, though, I find it refreshing.  It is a process of growth, personal development, and general change.  Change is a good thing, it keeps us thinking.  It keeps us on our toes.  It means that we are alive and kicking!

I like it!

Disturbed by what I see.

When I see my fellow Americans, or foreigners from other western countries, acting badly or doing things that kind of amaze me… I feel differently now than I did some 8 to 10 years ago.  Back then, it often angered me.  Now, I will just look and shake my head, and be thankful that I have moved on and gone beyond that place.

Seeing this sort of thing no longer surprises me.  In fact, it is expected now.  I can pretty much predict attitudes that will be shown by newly relocated Americans in the Philippines.  I know the pattern well, because I went through it myself.  Additionally, I have seen literally thousands of others follow the same footsteps that I followed in my first few years of living here.

I feel certain that this sort of behavior and attitude is the same among expats living in nearly any other country in the world.  I have other expat friends online, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. that I talk to and tell me similar stories to what I have seen here.

There have been some Americans, and others, who have moved here, and I have talked with before, during, and after their move.  I have tried to help them expect some of the things that might anger them or depress them.  I thought that by laying out such a warning, it would help them avoid being the “ugly American”, but in the end, I have come to accept that we all must travel down that path.  Many people get on that negativity path, and they end up moving back home.  Others just remain miserable.  Still others, although probably the minority, consider it an opportunity for personal growth and development.  Those people, and I put myself into this category, become better people, more accepting, more observant, and generally just better.  If you can do that, it is the best way you can go, because it will lead to a better and happier life for you!

How do I know?  Been there.  Done that.  I’ve even got the t-shirt!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Filipinos could show a lot of the world a thing or two about manners and decorum. Politeness costs nothing and most Filipinos are very polite. Talking about something that Filipinos do better than westerners, how about their system of cleaning?, the “lanot and the tukog”..our brushes come nowhere near the efficiency of that simple invention! I believe you wrote an article a while ago about that very subject Bob?

    • Hi Malcolm – Yes, I sure did write about that. You are so right about cleaning in general… I have gotten to the point where I just can hardly clean up anything, my skills are just not up to the Filipino standard, and I am so out of practice that my cleaning skills are shot! ha ha…. thanks for sharing your thoughts, Malcolm.

    • You might laugh but we have a Lanot and a Tukog here at home and they are used almost every day …can`t buy them anywhere here except at a Filipino festival !

  5. Why do you think so many men want a Filipina wife, there is a much better chance of happiness with a devoted , kind caring lady by your side , and there is much more chance of achieving that with a Filipina lady. Filipina ladies are not perfect, but in general they make much more caring long time partners.

  6. I think too it’s what we are used to growing up in the land of plenty , even here in Canada , lol , we have so much but it doesn’t mean that we are happier if anything it makes us more miserable , living the simpler life can be a real blessing , as far as choices go , I don’t think I ever seen a gluten free or natural food aisle in the grocery stores there , having so much choice can lead to a lot of misery , so moving to a country with limited choices definitely has its advantages I feel , I also find like the article states , it brings people a lot closer , whereas here in Canada and USA it’s more of an individual culture depending on a person’s perspective , glass half full or half empty will depend on if they will be happy living abroad or not , great article Bob as always , can’t wait to get back to the simpler life

    • Thanks, Lorne. You make some good points. When it comes to multiple choices in the grocery store, that was something that I really missed for years. Now, though, I am happy with the choices that I have. That is partly because there are more choices here in the Philippines than there were 15 to 20 years ago, and partly because I have come to realize that I don’t need as much choice as I was used to having. 🙂

  7. Not only that Lorne, much more food is home cooked there…not processed like it is here in the West. Not saying I like ALL Filipino food but it is probably more wholesome . You dont find many Microwave meals there ! lol

    • I love Filipino food I haven’t had alot of home cooked meals , mostly fast food and restaurant meals I have tried a few dishes here in Canada from a Filipino family of friends , but I do love Lechon Kawalli , its gonna be my first meal when I go back ?

  8. Malcolm, I think a swiffer does a good job sweeping unless it’s a dirt floor. Being polite and kind seems to only show when they think there is something in it for them. Slow the money flow and see the change.

    • I guess that one thing that westerners are very good at is looking for the negative in people. Always watching for ulterior motives instead of just accepting what people do or offer at face value.

    • Mel Hill, I have recently hit a bad patch and am also in the process of moving to the Philippines. My girlfriend has actually sent ME money a few times!!! So, sorry, but you can’t judge the whole country by the ones who are out for what they can get. If thats the case, then I’m sure you feel the same way about 95% of Americans also!

    • All you intolerant people need to read what I wrote. I never said all Filipinos are bad, I said to choose your friend and family carefully. If you are willing to give up your manhood and let your wife run everything then you shall have a carefree stress free life,

      • Mel wrote: “If you are willing to give up your manhood and let your wife run everything then you shall have a carefree stress free life,”

        It has zero to do with “manhood” and everything to do with too much trust.

        I beg to differ in the extreme to your improper gross generalization. Some people may get very lucky in trusting the future (not to mention the present) of the family to the wife – learn the very hard way the pitfalls of delegating 100% trust, It may work for some, but for way too many not so much so, where the (perhaps well meaning) wife may prove way overly ambitions, college education notwithstanding with “arithmetic” (never mind math or accounting) that a first-grader would put to shame. One minus one is absolutely *NOT* infinite money to spend with zero accounting and if you’re not sure then just wait until your wife burns through your life-savings and current earnings and then the gangsters your wife indebted you to in ridiculous manners come calling for you. As often or perhaps way more often than naught, trusting the wife implicitly with all one’s resources and income may quickly lead to immense stress for the husband as he struggles to recover and pay the onerous debts the wife incurred to put the family back on at least a modest sustainable basis. Stress! You betcha the wife caused it all.

        Beware that a “good wife” can be very bad at arithmetic and then you will discover what *stress* really means once it puts you in the hospital.

      • Mel I have been married to a Filipino for many years and have not given up my “Manhood.” I still man-up if I have to..I can still look at myself in the eye when I shave in the morning. If I had cowered to her every whim I am sure she would have lost respect for me and who-knows how our relationship would have turned out.. Thankfully the evil tentacles of feminism haven’t yet reached these shores. To me, generally, Filipino women are among the most feminine in the world, I guess that is ‘one’ of the reasons we are living here.

    • I am sorry if you feel I have been intolerant toward you, Mel. I was trying to be nice, and did not intend any intolerance. We just have different views, I have no problem with that, and I hope you also feel that I have the right to have a view different from your’s. Peace.

    • Bob I was not responding to you. I just think expats need to wake up and take off the rose colored glasses, If Filipinos know more or better than foreigners then tell me how the country went from #1 in Asia “Pearl of the Orient” to the worst country in Asia in 50 year?

    • Having lived here for 16 years, Mel, I see my life the way it is… no special glasses are showing me what I want to see… I have figured out on my own how my life is. I enjoy life here, it is where I prefer and choose to live. We all should be able to choose where we want, right? I certainly don’t think that the Philippines is the “worst country in Asia” as you describe it. The Philippines is certainly not perfect, but then again, no country is!

    • I am happy with my own opinion, Mel. I don’t need other people to tell my how my life is… I just look at my own life and decide if I like it or not. I would think that is a logical way to go about determining the enjoyment of my own life, no?

    • The original post was about how Filipinos do better than westerners. If Filipinos know more or better than foreigners then tell me how the country went from #1 in Asia “Pearl of the Orient” to the worst country in Asia in 50 year? Still haven’t answered my question.

    • No, the post was not about filipinos. It sounds to me like you did not read the article. The article is about how expats always think that “back home” is better. It applies to expats in all countries, not even about the Philippines. I don’t agree with the premise of your question… the Philippines is not the worst country in Asia, not be a longshot. I don’t feel the need to answer to you, Mel. I am very capable of having my own views and opinions,as you are as well.

    • Hi RK – Not sure if you are “not agreeing” with me or with somebody else, but no problem. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. I have only had one wife in my life, and she is Filipina! 🙂 We have been married over 25 years now.

    • Bob I too have been married to a Filipina for more than 25 years, as a fact it’s been 27 years. I have many friends in the Philippines that are American and Filipino as well as family. I have have been there more times than I can remember. I have taken off my rose colored glasses and am able to face reality. I’m just saying you need to choose your family and friends VERY carefully.

    • Same here Bob, Had many problems with foreigners in The Phills, but very rarely with a Filipino….On the whole , nice kind friendly people , you get the odd one of course , that happens anywhere …But most have hearts of gold. (:-))

      • Douglas, not all future wives are found in strip clubs, there are lots of other places employing women. Even if you find someone with a college education and a real job that’s no guarantee that her ambition may outstrip her accounting ability and your ability to support her well-intentioned but too expensive mistakes. At some point one must stop trusting and retake control or lose it all, which latter isn’t exactly good for the family.

    • 9 out of 10 times a Filipino / American has issues because of the huge age difference between them. To this day i have never figured out how a 18-20 something gets married to a 50 and older dirty old man and think its going to last. But hey i guess one of the two is in it for some reason besides truth.

      • RK Swanby: wrote: :I don’t agree!…I’ve had 2 filipina wives…never a another one!!!”
        RK, given the difficulty and expense of annulment in the Philippines, how did you manage to have *2* filipina wives???

        Brent, I find your comment excessively offensive and your generalization way improper. So that there is no question of attribution, you posted:
        “9 out of 10 times a Filipino / American has issues because of the huge age difference between them. To this day i have never figured out how a 18-20 something gets married to a 50 and older dirty old man

        The issue is NOT the age difference, the issue is that the wife despite college education is very bad at simple arithmetic. Get past that and all can be good.

        My Filipina wife was way beyond her teens when I met her. We’ve had our problems, 100% due to the lack of Pinoy math that our 8year-old could point out. And our 5-year old. And soon our 3 and 2 and then the baby math. Yes I was older, yes my wife was younger, but I didn’t go looking for her, it just happened at her place of employment, and that is NOT some bar or strip club or anything such.
        Perhaps your preference is that you would only consider women over the age of 80 as you obversely indicate.

        Research this before you post again. There is a cultural respect in the Philippines whereby women choose and prefer a husband significantly older than themselves and will optimally pursue their goal. I didn’t realize it at the time but I now implicitly understand this. The next question might be “why”. Answers: First, to learn, free, and be supported, and to have the stability and security of a good and large family relying on the husband, the knowledgeable educated stable provider. To be respected in the community and show off their trophy husband (10x better if foreigner!) – starting with the ostentatious wedding. Then to expect unlimited (even if not possibly real) money.

        That doesn’t make the wife a bad person for her cultural heritage, nor make the husband some sort of pervert for falling in love with a younger woman. It happens all the time and it happens a whole lot more often in the Philippines especially when you live here for years and meet.

        Now, let’s discuss this sensibly from this point.

  11. I agree Bob, we have a huge problem on our minds that will never go away if we keep comparing things between the Philippines and our home countries. I used to criticise the lack of productivity here, for example the traffic enforcers, lift operators, all seemed unnessary and at department stores and banks, the scores of employees who seemed a bit in excess. However after careful consideration and thought it all makes sense, the huge amount of people here looking for work, all this keeps more people occupied rather than idle and it prevents them sitting on the courtroom steps. For a country similar in land area to New Zealand with 25 times the people we just don’t understand the effort it takes to keep balance. Western companies focus on productivity and eliminate call center jobs here towards automatic and online customer service “because they are all about money only”. Filipino companies tend to understand better the effect of their actions on the populace.

    • Hi Brent – I think it is natural to make comparisons when you move from one place to another. But, over time the comparisons fade and life kicks in, naturally.

      Just like you said “you used to criticize” but that faded away after time. Same for me too.

  12. Bob:

    I think that in the end, it boils down to two reasons: American exceptionalism and racism.

    American exceptionalism is the one that is hardest to really nail down. It is something I saw when living in the UAE and also in the Bahamas. It is also, to a certain extent, something that is understandable. I have traveled to over 80 countries in the world. In VERY few countries is the amount of patriotism instilled in the population to the same extent that it is in America. A good example is the national flag. With the exception of independence days or around big football matches, in most countries the only place you will see a national flag displayed is in front of a government building. Just take a moment and think about that fact.

    You and I grew up during the Cold War. Blind patriotism is something that we were force fed from our youngest school years. The idea that somewhere else might do something better than the USA was laughable. The idea that America could do no wrong was taught in school. You heard it from the media. You heard it from your friends and family. And…. If you dare speak otherwise, you were being “Un-American”. America, love it or leave it.

    These ideas are blatant falsehoods. Yet, especially among people in the USA who are not well traveled, they are believed 100%. I have actually sat on a plane to Europe in front of a person who thought that Germany was still a developing country, and was worried about getting access to the Internet while traveling there. After hearing the dopey conversation behind me, I heard her companion state, “We just don’t appreciate how good WE have things…”

    As a superpower, this view is somewhat understandable. In the Philippines, I think we see even more of it than in other places, like Europe, given the high percentage of retired US military who end up living here.

    As to racism, any look at Facebook, Yahoo, or most of the expat websites shows the true situation, regardless of how many denials you may hear. There is still very much a “White Man’s Burden” mentality among the expat crowd, like it or not.

    • Hi John – I do think that in many ways, America is exceptional. But, what many do not consider is that Britain is also exceptional, as is Belgium, Japan and every other country… including the Philippines. We all have things that make us exceptional at something.

      I fully agree with you about being accused of being un-American. It is still happening. In the past few months, I have written a couple of articles where I pointed out things that I feel are moving the wrong way in the USA. Many people agreed with me, but some people sere very mad at me about it. I had some people who unfriended me on FB, just for stating my opinion. One fellow who unfriended me was a true close friend that I have known for 25 years, I mean not a “Facebook Friend” but a real personal relationship, because he said I was now un-American, which I don’t think I am at all. It is clear to me that this article is also generating some negativity to me, which I certainly did not intent.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, John.

  14. I interact little with westerners and know them only from books and movies. And i have the impression that they feel superior because of their skin color. Well, Bob, i think you are levels above them and seem to see things the pinoy way. Still there are things pinoys ought to change and i think you know that already….

  15. Great article!
    Why do westerners think that we know best? In a lot of ways I believe we still do. I have only been here 6 months though and not 18 years.
    There was an example of being polite and cleaning. I believe politeness ends as soon as a lot of people here get on or in a motorized vehicle of sort. I also believe that it goes out the window as soon as a line starts to form. I personally have never been cut off so many times in both forms until I started living here. It also ends a lot of times when they feel they can take advantage of you. It is kind of comical on the differences in prices for my wife and I. I always seem to get charged more. I will have to give credit, the Philippines is the only place where I have seen people sweep dirt( besides the good ol’ US Army). That is cleaning to the extreme, but that same person who was sweeping the dirt will thrown his/her trash on the ground as soon as they leave the sari sari.
    Don’t get me wrong I love it out here. I will be starting school in November. I love a lot of the culture and history. I am really starting to learn Tagalog. I am also happy to be away from all of the drama back in the states.
    Please take a survey on how many Filipinos would love to live and work in the US or another western country. Now take a survey on how many westerners would love to live and work here. I believe that it will be a little one sided.

    • Hi Gary,

      Glad that you liked the article.

      There can be no doubt, the number of Filipinos who would want to go to the States is absolutely huge. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know. 😉

  16. I am moving soon to a small barangay in southern Tarlac. While there the other day bringing a water tank and booster pump ( the house is nearly level with the public water tank supply) a couple of the neighbors stopped by and within 1/2 hour I had a guy there and was negotiating installation cost and listening to better ideas of it than I had. An hour after I was there another neighbor came by with a big bowl of pancit and some cut up mangos.
    I lived in a smallish city in up state New York in a house for 15 years and never had a neighbor even acknowledge my “good morning” to them even tho I saw them every day.
    I will take living here any day over where I “came” from

    • It sounds wonderful, Richard! Some of this kind of stuff is how it used to be back in the USA when I was growing up. AS you say, we don’t even know our neighbors in many cases these days! Quite sad!

  17. I don’t think this is exclusively a “US” thing, but more so that people in general tend to favor their country of origin – at least until they and if they have the opportunity and intelligence to broaden their perspective. Exactly as you write your experiences have afforded you (and I).

    • Hi Ed, not sure if you really read the article, but I specifically said that it is not a US thing.

      Here is a quote of what I said in the article:

      Why should America be correct on everything? Why should Britain be correct? France? Italy? Frankly, have you ever stopped to consider that the way the Philippines does some things may be the best way, and the way it was done “back home” was inferior? Frankly, it is quite possible that would be the case.

  18. Bob, you spoke very well about change and the attitudes of diffrent peoples. as you know in amerika (i spell it this way on purpose) has a constitution that states that we have certain rights that people in certain countries do not have. before moving here people i know would say to me that not having those rights here in Philippines was reason enough to not even come to visit. and i would reply to them with “well at least i know from the start that i do not have that right there, and that alone is much better than having a right and the government taking that right away from me, more and more every day”. i am only 5 years older than you are, so maybe you might have seen the culture of the “back to the land” and “self sufficency” some people live in amerika.
    currently i am living in down town Cebu City, with all the city noises and other irritating things that come with living in the city. but i live here because it is a short walking distance to my Fiance’s place of employment, instead of her having to travel 2 hours each way to work at her job. this gives us more time to be together and time together is more important right now. eventually we will get a place in the province to live and raise a family. a place that suits the lifestyle i choose to live. we will be getting married the second week of next month. because of the amount i paid for a deposit we will not be able to move to the province untill september 2016. the lifestyle i choose to live is frowned upon by the majority of amerikans back home in usa. life here is wonderful and the attitudes of the people i come in contact with are better than those back in usa. i find the Filipino’s attitudes towards life to be refreshing. in amerika the amerikans do not own the land they pay so much for or the house they build on it either, if they do not pay their yearly rent to the county they soon realize that they did not actually own it to begin with! alot of people in both countries hate me because of my skin color (it is white) but they do not realize that im just a light shade of brown as i have american indian blood ,too on both sides of my parents.
    i know that i have much to learn about fitting in here, and i do my best to ask about proper behavior when we go some place or do something different or new to me here in Philippines. a recent visit to immigration office in Cebu City amazed me by the attitude of the amerikans compared to the people of Asian countries. maybe a person could have a service business of helping amerikans get their papers in order and helping them understand the process here as it is easier to learn in the classroom than it is at home with a book. maybe my Wife will have such a business when we move to the provence, we will just wait and see.
    i wish to thank you Bob for your websites and your ebooks, and your other projects that provide knowledge of the way to do things here in the Philippines.!

    • Hi Leonard.

      For the most part, I am happy with the rights that I have as a foreigner in the Philippines. About the only rights that I can think of which I don’t have here is speaking out freely in regards to the Philippine Government, and in buying land. I don’t have any desire to buy land, and if/when I do want to buy land it can be in my wife’s name. I don’t have too much worry about having to hold my lip when it comes to the governmental policies of the Philippines, but sometimes I have to hold back a bit, although it generally does not bother me.

      In many ways, I find that I feel freer in the Philippines than the USA, because as you say, many of the “rights” in the USA are somewhat limited in reality. In the US we have freedom of speech – unless you are against the latest “cause” whatever that is today. Then, your freedom of speech is seemingly quite limited.

      Using the words that you chose, and I like… this is the place that I have chosen to live, and I think I made the right choice. Right choice for me… it may be different for others, and that is no problem for me.

      Good luck to you, Leonard, I hope you continue to enjoy life here in the Philippines, or wherever you choose to live!

  19. I agree with Mel and Gary. The rose colored glasses have to come off.

    It is very true that Filipinos are politer. One can see it at the malls.That is until their shift is over. Then those sad faces come out. Just like in the States. After all they have their problems too?

    How about using examples like leaving dead animals on the road. Isn’t there the possibility for diseases to travel to kids? Is that what one should accept? How about the wiring? Should that just be accepted? How about laying electrical wires across homes? How about putting electrical poles in the sea/ocean? How about leaving nails sticking out where kids, etc., can get hurt? Are these things people should just accept?

    Rusty

    • I see my life as it is…. after living here 16 years, I don’t really think it is even possible that I am seeing the Philippines through rose colored glasses. I enjoy my life here a great deal.

  20. I’m fascinated by the amount of Imperialism we tend to have. Considering that we (Amerikans) extracted ourselves from the British Empire which was also very much into Empire Building for most of it’s existence, it might be less surprising.

    On the other hand, I am very shocked by some ex-pat “experts” (and I’m absolutely NOT referring to you Bob) who declare how things are in the Philippines…how bad and backward and distasteful. They say they have first hand experience and I should be wary when I finally do make the transition to that country.

    I pray that I’m the odd duck you describe in your article, one who has adapted to that culture and doesn’t expect to transport Amerika to the Philippines….if I choose to relocate myself to a different culture, why on earth would I want it to be like “home”?

    I hope that I’ve already gone through the “ugly Amerikan” phase and gotten most of (at least MANY) of those rough edges beaten off or polished.

    Thank you for your excellent article Bob!

    • Hi Byron,

      it takes a long time to adapt, I would say 5 years is average. But, if you stick it out you will adapt.

      As for those experts who tell you how bad it is to live here.. think about this… if it is so bad, why are they still living here? Why don’t they go back “home”?

  21. I can say it’s not skin color. It’s the whole “USA is number ONE” mentality that all Americans get steeped in their whole lives. I’ve seen American people of color visiting here acting the same way.

  22. First off Bob, the beard & stache do wonders for you! Second, I saw the same general phenomena in the UAE where I spent six years as an ex-pat (and where I met my wonderful Lorie E Framness), and I saw this. It is more than nationalism or racism, I saw Brits express unkind disdain for their hosts and a buddy of mine who spent the last couple of winters in Guimaras Island saw plenty of resident Continental Europeans express similar attitudes. In my discussions with folks the one thing that comes up is driving, but the one thing I find about the driving in the Philippines is it is remarkably patient and forgiving, granted that slows things down and leads to congestion, but I see the method and did not feel too uncomfortable when my nephew and I were cycling on some real roads in Metro Manila.

  23. Bob, Zena and I have first met you in Vancouver, Washington. We then saw you again in the Philippines and I have notice over they years how you were changing especially through reading your blogs. As you know, I am from Quebec and do know quite well how visitors ( not only Americans ) react when they visit other countries. I have observed their reactions and we Quebecois have developed a sense of humor about this. Because of that experience, I learned to search why people elsewhere do things differently than what I am used to, when I visit other countries. Now this post / blog of yours please us very much. Perhaps this is a lot of pride on my part because you, now think a lot more like I do ( big smile).

    • Haha, thanks, Michel. I never thought about it, but being from Quebec, or French Canada in general, really is like being in a different country from the rest of Canada, so I can understand your feelings.

    • Yes, I have changed a lot in the years that I have lived here. Some people don’t like that and criticize me for it. However, I feel it is good. It is personal growth, expanding the way I think, etc. Nothing wrong with that!

  24. Bob,
    Each country has there own way of doing things mostly according to the way there culture is. Doesn’t mean one is better than the other. It’s not imperialism as Byron stated above. It’s nationalism, which there is nothing wrong with. The US was always seen as the leader whenever there was trouble any where in the world and everyone always excepted the US to take the lead and when they didn’t there was always complaints of why the US didn’t do this or that. That’s where a lot of the attitude has come from about being better than anyone else.

    • Hi PapaDuck. Interesting thoughts. Instead of “excepting” I think you mean “accepting” since they are actually opposite of each other. I agree with what you say about the root cause for the thinking, though. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

  25. When I lived in the U.S. I moved from Ohio to Florida….I worked in a liquor store…snowbirds from New York and New Jerseys favorite line was THATS NOR HOW WE DO IT IN NEW —-

    my favorite response…go back there…if you like it that much…

  26. I’ve been in the Philippines close to a year…I am about to marry a sweet lady…the Filipinos I’ve encountered have been very polite…other Americans …not so much… The only thing that kept me from punching one…an American …was fear I might get deported..

    • Ha ha… funny about the reason for not punching one of them, Will. 🙂 But, yes, I know what you are speaking of, it is very common here to encounter other foreigners like that.

    • America has become a very divided country…it is one of the reasons I left… I had a rough year in late 2013, early 2014,,, and needed a change of scenery…I came here..uses your books as a guideline of what to expect..it’s my first time…I have no desire to return..I may go to my sons graduation from med school…but I’ll be right back…

      On my 1 year anniversary I will marry a very sweet lady… And hope to live here for the rest of my life..l

    • Hi Will When I left the USA it was not because of political reasons. The country was still fairly united then. When I see the hatred and fighting on TV, I can only wonder how bad it is, and shake my head in disbelief. I hope it is not too late to bring the people together again, although I fear that it is already too late for that. Like you, I have never returned, and really have no desire to do so. Not that I am against the place, I am just very happy here. Good luck with your marriage! I wish you the best.

  27. Best thing i ever did was go there and finiLy married her there.they open my eyes and am verey thankfull love the people their traditions learning the food still i picky eater.good post as usual bob

  28. I think all people ( dont care where you are from or where you are going) have a tendency to think their way is the best. Been to !5 countries and no 2 do it the same. Not even the Asian countries. I personally like the differnce. It is about the journey and the experience and if i just wanted everything to be American i would buy a lazy boy recliner and just stay home:) Good article!

    • Thanks Roger, glad that you liked it. I agree that most people feel that their way is the best, I think that is natural. My thinking is, though, if instead of complaining that people here do things differently, if the person looked at how they do it here and how it works out, they might realize that the local way is just as good, sometimes even better, than the way the foreigner is accustomed to. Take care!

  29. Hi Bob

    When I first visited the Philippines I tried to be humble and not upset people. When invited round a house I went and had a good time, I ate their food and drank their drink. This surprised them with the response being “other foreigners think we are dirty so why not you?”

    Having had the benefit of living in quite a few countries around the world I have learned to accept what people have and not to make comment. If I have a problem with something, a very rare occurrence, then a quiet word with my wife can fix things. If my wife says come away from certain people I will do it because she has a reason for it. If I have questions about why, then I save it for when we get home. It is her country after all.

    The only part of the Philippines where I have things my way in in my house where I believe I have the right. I will however listen to reasoning from other people and change my ways if I believe it is a benefit. Doing things my way though does not include talking down to people of shouting at them. I will always be polite and not abuse people as I have seen other expats do.

    Yes there are things I think could be done better in the Philippines but, at the end of the day, does it really matter? The country existed for hundreds of years before I got there and will exist for hundreds of years after I have gone.

    If life starts to get a problem I can always take a piece of advice from Paul Thompson and put my feet up with a cold SMB.

    Tagay

    AJ UK

    • Hi AJ – I think it is very good and very important to do things like that. Showing that you are a good person and that you feel you are not “above” the local people is important. Few foreigners are willing to do that, though, in my experience.

      Like you, I feel that in my own house things should be (and are) the way I like them to be. I often tell people that when they come into my house they are entering my country, in some ways at least! 🙂 I tend to live by my culture, which is somewhere in between Philippine and American after all these years.

    • Your mention that some Pinoys have said to you: “other foreigners think we are dirty so why not you?” is quite a shock. I’ve never ever heard that even by allusion. Wow!

      For context, can you elaborate the nationality of the purported foreigners and general location of such ridiculous opinions of Pinoys?

      In general, I find that most Pinoy find a shower faster than I can some days. I remember many years ago when a woman commented that she so much liked the smell of my freshly laundered Tshirt and wanted to know what I used to wash it so that she could use the same. That’s much more perspective of my experiences.

      As for ‘drink their drink’, I’m quite happy with tuba and if I’m short stock of others items I can’t afford but people would like, well, sorry I don’t have beer or tanduay budget this week. Feel free to share my Pinoy drink which I do have.

  30. Hi Bob , great article

    every country has its good and bad points the Philippines is a developing country
    With its own customs and history , we are guests here I find it embarrassing how some
    Foreigners behave, talking to a Filipino guy on Tuesday he asked me why a lot of foreigners keep complaining about Manila he if they don’t like it tell them to go back
    To their country, I had to agree with him talking to other expats a lot of them don’t realise
    What they are saying always complaining, I can’t get away fast enough Bob,
    To other expats I say try to enjoy the Philippines for what it is,
    Been living in the Philippines 7 years and love it and been married 27 years
    To my lovely Filipino wife , I can’t ask for anything else, Derek in pasig.

    • Hi Derek – Glad you enjoyed the article. Yes, the Philippines is a developing country, tnere is no question on that.

      Their culture is also very mixed – lots of there own cultural traits plus American and Spanish as well!

      You are right, when talking to local people, I also hear a lot about how foreigners are mean to them, complain a lot or mistreat them. It is sad to hear. But, it also elevates people you and I who treat them with respect, because they are not used to being treated kindly like that.

      Keep enjoying life, Derek! 🙂

  31. Like most Ex-pat, I have visited and lived in many foreign countries. I have lived in and been visiting the Philippines since 1984. I have learned that every country is different, not necessarily better or worse. It is the few Americans that want things the way it is in the U.S., since this is the way they feel comfortable, that have trouble adjusting to different cultures. Filipinos, in my opinion, are more accepting of foreigners than any other country I have lived in or visited. Embracing the Philippine culture of getting along and not voicing you opinion in public will make your life in the Philippines very enjoyable. I have gotten frustrated with the Philippine bureaucracy and shaken my head at the ways that things are done, but it works for Filipinos. The Philippines has changed in many ways during my 30 years of observation. These changes have been for the better. Living in the Philippines requires a change in attitude; many activities move slower and take longer than in the U.S.

    • Chas, you posted: “It’s not the way you do it that matters, only the end result matters, lol.”
      At first thought that would seem to be correct for those who don’t expect to be alive much longer. For the rest of us with your point taken, we must also consider ‘comeback’ on anything less than correct. Bottom line is to try to have (un)common sense prevail anywhere … and have appropriate friends in the necessary places. Your intentional smiley noted. Actually, especially in Phils, the *how* you do it matters most, so please consider that fact.

  33. I have to go nerdy again. Sorry. 😀

    My take from the Filipino point of view: one factor here is historical and cultural. Historical from the 300 years of Spanish colonial rule and 50 years of American colonial rule.

    Under the Spanish, the natives new nothing except racism, which was very normal in those days. As most of the natives were uneducated peasants, it was easy to be condescending. The Spaniards used to say that the Filipinos learned how to smoke before they learned how to think, because of the popularity of cigars. Even the children smoked.

    When the Americans came, there was still racism but not as bad under the Spaniards. There was racism among some Americans, of course. You see it in the affinity Filipinos have for America compared to Spain. That’s why Filipinos love Gen. Douglas MacArthur and many streets and bridges are named after American colonial officials.

    History had an influence in Filipino culture. Filipinos basically developed an inferiority complex. I call it national insecurity, that every thing American and western and white is better. The Americans, being bigger and taller, also added to the perspective.

    Well, the Philippines was very undeveloped back then unlike today. This country is still a work in progress since 1898. We still haven’t fully recovered from the Marcos dictatorship era.

    I remember the Filipino penchant for products “made in the USA”. Everything imported was way better than local products. From 1900 to 1946, Filipinos learned to mimic Americans, even wearing a coat and tie (Amerikana) despite the heat (ridiculous). There was a Filipino Fred Astair, a Filipino Audrey Hepburn, etc.

    It got worse when Filipinos started leaving to find work in other countries in the 1970s, usually as maids and strippers if you were a woman.

    The inferiority complex is worst in the provinces, especially the very remote towns because the people who live there are very simple folks. But I doubt you will find inferiority complex among Filipinos who live in expensive and exclusive condos, and well educated and westernized.

    That is why I encourage Filipinos to learn about our history because we did a lot of great things too way ahead of other Asian countries at the turn of the 19th century.

    When I was on the Marianas, I was having a chat with a local who didn’t know that I was a Filipino. Then his attitude slowly changed when he realized it. And to think that I am part Chinese and Spanish.

    When I saw the change I started speaking in what little Spanish I knew, because they were under Spanish colonial rule at the same time as the Philippines.
    Que impertinente! I thank Colegio de San Juan de Letran for that.

    • Hi Norman – Thanks for sharing your well thought out comment. Do you think that it is because of the lack of education, especially in the provincial areas that many expats today feel the need to “guide” or tell Filipinos how they should do things? Even after all of these years?

      • Hey there, Bob. I went through every thing that I said there during my younger years, feeling intimidated, etc.

        Even after all these years, the factors remained the same. You cannot just change history and culture. Also, Filipinos in general are docile by nature. I once had a Czech couple over for lunch. My two kasambahays, who hail from the Bicol region, were so shy that they stayed outside the whole time. But my 16-year-old daughter, who has been to Spain, Germany and Austria, stayed the whole time and enjoyed the conversation.

        So, what can we do? I suspect that Filipinos mostly think in pictures, hence the popularity of komiks and the lack of a reading habit. Instead of telling people what to do, it’s sometimes better to show how it’s done and do it yourself when you see someone struggling with something. Excuse your self first and offer a suggestion. Don’t just come in and take over. They will even thank you for your help.

        The western style of being direct can often be misunderstood as being bossy or condescending here.

        If you must tell someone how to do something more efficiently, take them aside and do so quietly (Filipinos being very sensitive by nature) and in a manner that says that you only sincerely want to help. This is where the art of communication comes in. You may even gain a friend in the process.

        • Hi Norman – I find your comments quite interesting, because I feel like we are both talking about the same thing, but coming at it from different sides of the issue. At first I had to stop and consider what you were meaning with your comments, but now I see that we are talking about the same think, but coming at it from our own sides of the issue.

          I particularly enjoyed when you talked about your experience with the European visitors, and how your daughter stayed the whole time, yet your friends stayed outside. Very interesting.

      • Bob, if I might suggest, the penchant for ostensible and typically false ‘superiority complex’ on the part of way too many foreigners may stem from a combination of excessive arrogance and lack of understanding where_they_are_now_!_. Just like there aren’t too many hurricanes in Detroit and it rarely deepfreezes for 4 months at a time in Miami. Like the “vacuum cleaner vrs. walis” issue. Here in the Philippines we don’t have freezing floors half the year and thus we have tile (or bare cement if no tile budget, or even dirt) floors. It’s as silly to try to explain the concept of a carpet to keep your feet warm as it is to ask your Filipino wife to buy you a windshield ice scraper or a snowblower for Christmas. We sweep our floors with a “walis”, which I understand is tagalog for “broom”.

        To dispute that would be as ludicrous as to try to shovel a few meters of snow up north in US or Canada with a Pinoy stick-broom, and Pinoys should justifiably point and laugh at stupid foreigners who might think that’s a good idea. Baliktad. Not sure what “backwards” translates to in Bisayan.

  34. Great article; couldn’t agree more.

    There is nothing more offensive to a Filipino (or any other nationality I imagine), than people pointing and laughing at the way they do things.

    Personally, I used to laugh a little when watching my wife’s family sweeping indoors with those lightweight brooms (name forgotten). But I have since discovered that they are so much more effective than any other kind of broom, and so much less hassle than a vacuum cleaner that we now have them at home here too.

    It is so easy to cause offence without meaning to.

    • Thanks, Jim, I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for commenting.

      You are right, nobody likes being laughed at, so it is important to limit that, it ties right in with the spirit of the article, although unmentioned.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • Vacuum cleaners are for carpets (which don’t exist in the Philippines) and the inside of the computer chassis. Personally I take the computers for cleaning at the local shop once every five or so years when I have some hardware problem anyway. The “walis” is for sweeping the tile floors. Pinoy should rightfully point and laugh at any foolish foreigner buying an expensive unnecessary vacuum cleaner for tile floors. That’s what the 35 peso walis is for.

      • Ok this thread really got my attention.
        I lived my first 50 years on the other side of the planet, and then unintentionally wound up immigrating to the Philippines and I expect that I will live out out rest of my life here, help my too-many-kids and our extended family to hopefully succeed, than at some point I will die and be buried here. This is my country now and even I can’t reasonably obtain citizenship, I paid for the hectares, the “area” where they can plant me too.

        There are things I have learned in my lifetime that I’m happy to share with my family, neighbours, friends, and people I might meet, as may be appropriate.

        I might point and laugh if I see anyone stupid enough to try to light a fire by first pouring water over wood. Pinoys wouldn’t do that but surely some foreigners might and should be appropriately derided. The rest of us light a fire in a normal manner without expecting that water will start it.

        And my point is what? … that I respect the generations of acumen Filipinos have accumulated. I may occasionally offer what I might contribute if and where appropriate. In the meantime, at almost 65, better I remember to learn than to be excessively ignorant.

  35. Hi Bob,

    When we took our last vacation to the Philippines it was a wonderful experience for our young sons meeting relatives and playing with their cousins. It was a great time for our family and I identify with your appreciation for the differences between the US and the Philippines. Many things I like better the the way they do it in the Islands. Among the differences, Filipino time suits me just fine.

    One day near the end of our visit we were being driven in a van by my brother in law to the visitors center of the Mayon Volacano, very scenic. He had drifted a little over the center line on a switch-back, just as a motorcycle was coming around the corner. Eddie wasn’t driving fast and corrected right away but the motorcyclist, obviously American (from the voice and the look) shook his fist and cursed. It was an over reaction for sure by this man. Not that the Filipinos can’t lose their tempers but this was the only time I saw anyone show anger the entire three weeks and he was an American. Good article.

    • Hi Robert – you hit on one area where I am 100% against Philippine Culture! Filipino Time. I can’t stand it! Ha ha… I think if I were here for vacation I would feel differently, but in terms of business, I hate all of the delays and such. 😉

      I must say, though, you cited a good example there. It is so common that the times when you run into trouble, it comes from a foreigner… just so common, and sad to see.

  36. Hi Bob,

    I would say part of why foreigners feel superior to Filipinos is because many Filipinos either feel inferior to foreigners or portray an image that they feel inferior by their humbleness. I am not sure which is the case and it probably depends on the individual, but that has been my experience on my visits that I am seen by the Filipinos themselves to be superior because I am a foreigner. I do not myself feel I am better, but I can see how someone could get that feeling from the way they are treated. I think my point is related to Norman’s.

    • Hi Jay – I agree that many Filipinos feel (or at least portray) that they are inferior. The vast majority of Filipinos are also very humble people, for sure. I, though, don’t think that is right or proper, for others to feel superior in that case. I do know, though, that almost all foreigners go through a stage where they feel that they are vastly superior to Filipinos because of the way that they are treated. Many foreigners get over that phase… some do not. 🙂

  37. Hi Bob,

    The differing culture and ways of foreign lands is all part of the adventure.

    I came across this little stat’ of info the other week that may be of interest.
    90% of Brits are current passport holders.
    14% of Americans are current passport holders.

    Regards.