As I told you in my post earlier today, Feyma had some difficulties in adjusting to living back in the Philippines. She returned to the world of her childhood, yet when she came back here to live she quickly learned how much she had changed sine becoming a woman in the United States. Others around her saw the changes too, and most of her family and friends didn’t really care for the way Feyma had changed.
I felt that I needed to do some things to help reduce the demands on Feyma, and keep her stress level a little lower. What could I do, though? Well, I decided that one concrete thing that I could do to help was by taking the blame for things. When it came time for Feyma to tell her family that they could not hang around our house all day and night, instead of just flat out telling them, I encouraged Feyma to put the blame on me. So, Feyma told them that “You know, Americans live differently than we do. They enjoy having some privacy. Because of this, Bob wants you to spend less time here. Bob said that you should just come around when invited.” Things like that helped a bit, because then people like Feyma’s family could say “oh, it’s not Feyma telling us that we aren’t welcome, it’s Bob that feels that way.” Well, if they didn’t like my way, that was OK with me, I would prefer for Feyma to “save face” with them and have the blame placed on me.
Feyma is a sport, though. She doesn’t like to let me take the blame that much, and doesn’t always follow my advice on that. It is a final “out’ though, if needed. I don’t mind taking the blame, because I don’t really care that much what others think. I am going to live my life the way that I like. I don’t feel I am mean to others, but when it comes down to it, I am going to live my life in a way that I am comfortable and enjoy myself. So, when it comes right down to it, I don’t mind being the “fall guy” in these types of situations, and if it can help Feyma reduce stress, that much better.
After a few years of adjustment, Feyma started really liking our life here. Today, I am pretty sure that she would not want to return to the States to live there permanently. Sure, she would go for a visit, but not much more than that. Really, Feyma and I have built up a life here that I don’t believe we could match if we lived back in the States. We have done it by sticking through the hard times here, and making the best of those hard times. Just like how I described above how I made some sacrifices to help take the heat off of Feyma, she has made many sacrifices to make my life better. In honesty, she does much more for me than I do for her, I think. All in all, though, I know in my heart that we are well adjusted here, we both love living here, and we are here to stay!