I received an email last week from a person who has been living in the Philippines for a year.
I am going to share his email with you, but I will not give the man’s name, for the sake of his privacy. I do not think that there is anything in the email that would identify him, so that is not really a concern in my mind.
To be honest, when I read the email, I could not really figure out what the purpose of the email was. He really did not ask any question that he wanted me to answer. More or less he just “let me know” of his disillusion with life in the Philippines. I’m really not sure why he felt the need to let me know how he was feeling. As far as I know, I have never met the man who sent me the message. He said he lives in Davao, but like I say, I don’t think I know him or have ever met him.
The eMail
Well Bob I have been in Davao almost 1 year now, bought a lot and built a Home.
Philippines is considered a Christian country, but my opinion this is a fake.
I have found Jesus/God signs everywhere on everything. But I have learned Filipinos do not practice being a Christian.
Filipinos will lie, cheat, and steal from anyone anywhere anytime, especially the children.
Sure has been a shock for me not to be able to trust anyone and make friends here.
Bob’s Response
I did not send a response to the email, because I just did not feel like he was asking for my advice, he asked no questions at all. As I read his email over a few times, my conclusion is that he was just venting. I decided to share the email here instead, because I find that after a year or so, a lot of people who move to the Philippines develop feelings like this.
Instead, I decided to share his email with the readers of this site, and to offer advice for everybody to read, because like I say, many expats end up feeling like this. I’ll be honest, after I had been living here only a relatively short time, I had these kinds of feelings as well.
First Mistake
I believe that this man’s first mistake is listed right in his first sentence. He came here, and almost immediately he bought some land and built a house. My friends, if you do this, you are putting the cart before the horse. The proper thing to do, in my view, is to look and find a house that is acceptable to you and rent it. Live as a renter for at least a year or two. Rent longer unless you just absolutely must own your home.
The reason why I suggest that you should rent when you first move here is because you might just find out that you don’t like living in the Philippines. It would be my estimate that at least 75% of foreigners who move here don’t like living here. Probably half of those people end up moving back home, and the other half start drinking heavily, and hang around complaining about the Philippines. For people who don’t like it here, they really should just move to a place where they will enjoy living, for their own happiness.
Problem is, if you find out you don’t like it here, you will have a very hard time selling a house so that you can leave. If you can’t sell the house you either can’t leave, or you must walk away from the house and likely lose a fair amount of money. That means that renting for a while is the wise move, so that you can decide if living in the Philippines is really for you. I would say, and this may surprise many, that living in the Philippines is not a good fit for the majority of people.
Liars, Cheaters and Thieves
Are Filipinos liars, cheaters and thieves as this gentleman says so plainly? Sure, some Filipinos are. Some Americans are too, some British, French and every other nationality fits the description. There is no country on the planet where every person is a good or nice person. Every country has prisons where the bad people are kept, that should be a clue that no country is perfect.
However, this gentleman seemingly is saying that all Filipinos fit this description. My experience is that this is not correct. I think that part of the problem is that this fellow is not hanging out with the right crowd, or not seeking out people who fit that “right crowd”. Look a little harder and you will find some really great people. Once you find those really great people, start hanging out with them and they will introduce you to a whole lot more great people, and soon you will think that all Filipinos are really great people. Of course as I said in the previous paragraph, not all Filipinos are great people, and the same goes fro every other nationality as well.
In my opinion, there is probably a greater percentage of Filipinos that genuinely are great folks compared to most other countries, but you have to put yourself into a position to find those great folks.
No friends
In the final paragraph of the email, the man says that he is not able to trust anyone, nor has he been able to make any friends in the Philippines.
You know, back in my early years of living in the Philippines, I hung out with foreigners almost exclusively. We would sit around and talk about Filipinos, the Philippines, and how we did not really care for the way things were done in this country. After a couple years of this, my friends and I decided that it was us who had a negative attitude, and that we should change. We made a conscience decision that we would instead look for the positive side of things we saw in the Philippines, and instead of complaining about the way things were done, we would do our best to talk about the positive side of the way things were done in the Philippines.
After just a couple weeks of this change in attitude, we all noticed that we were enjoying our lives more, and enjoying life in the Philippines more.
“Stupid” Taxi Drivers
Just recently, I was meeting with a man who was thinking of moving to the Philippines. A story came to mind, and I relayed it to him. That story will fit quite well into the topic of this article, so here it goes.
Back in the day when I was hanging out with the group of friends that I mentioned in the previous section, one day we were sitting in a restaurant in a mall having a drink. We were looking out the window of the restaurant and there was a line of taxis just outside, waiting for passengers to come out of the mall. There was probably a dozen taxis in the line. As the front taxi would take a passenger and leave, the rest of the line needed to move forward to the front, to take the place of the taxi that had just left. Each time that this happened, the rest of the taxi drivers would push their cars forward one spot. They did not get in the taxi, start it and drive 10 feet or so forward, they pushed their car by hand. This was back in the days when gasoline was very expensive.
One of the guys in the group pointed at them and said one word. “Stupid.” We all kind of laughed.
It was not long after this “stupid” incident that we all decided to try to take on a more positive attitude. We talked about the “stupid” taxi drivers pushing their cars, and we all decided that we should not use that word to describe the actions of people here in the Philippines, but instead we should choose a different word. We decided to use the word “fascinating” to describe situations like this which were different than we had experienced back home. So, instead of the drivers being “stupid” for pushing their cars forward, we would say that the way they did it was fascinating. We all noticed that we started feeling better about life here in the Philippines, and we genuinely did find the different way of doing some things to be fascinating!
Making friends
January rolled around the corner, and my group of foreigner friends and I were talking. One subject that came up was that since it was January, we should all share what our New Year’s Resolutions would be for the new year. As the discussion ensued, we actually decided to make a common New Year’s Resolution among us. We decided that each of us in the group would make at least one Filipino friend during the coming year. Truth is that each of us pretty much only hung out with each other, and we didn’t even try in the past to develop Filipinos as friends. Maybe we felt intimidated, but all I know is that we did not try, and we were wrong for that.
Over the year every one of us developed a Filipino friend, and some of us developed more than one. Some of us developed mutual Filipino friends. We all did it, though. As we developed Filipino friends, we found that the Filipinos who became friends started introducing us to their friends, and we had more Filipino friends over time. It was a good thing, and again, just like with the taxi/attitude incident, we all felt that our lives had improved and we enjoyed living in the Philippines even more with each improvement that we made!
Improvements
Did you catch the last line in the previous sentence. We felt better with each improvement that we made. Improvement that WE made. Why would we or anybody else feel that Filipinos were going to come up to our table and join us to help improve our lives in the Philippines? Of course strangers don’t just come and do that. We found that it was up to US to seek out these improvements, and we did it. The result was fantastic, and turned my life around, and it affected others in the group in the exact same way.
Paradise
I hear a lot of people, especially people who don’t yet live in the Philippines, talking about the Philippines being “paradise”. It always rubs me the wrong way when I hear that. The Philippines is not paradise, there are problems here. Truth is, as far as I am concerned, there is no such thing as Paradise on the earth. I do not believe that you can make the Philippines into paradise either. However, I know from my own experience that you can make the Philippines a lot more enjoyable of a place to live. The thing to remember is that only YOU can make the Philippines the kind of place that you want to live. Nobody else can do it for you.
Paradise aka Happiness…is within you…not something external…people look for a “place” that only exists in your own heart…
To me, Paradise and Happiness are not the same thing. We all get to have our own views, though.
I have lived for over 30 years now in Alaska, the place where I was raised is upstate NY. If I was to move back there now in my own home country it would take far more than a year for me to be accepted again. In some ways it would never be the same as if I just never moved away. Many of our lives struggles have to do with our own attitude. In my experience I find many just trying to run away from their own attitudes and thinking the Philippines would be a good place to try and get away from oneself.
Hi Richard – I could not agree with you more! You are spot on. Giving one year to have a great life after a major move is just not reasonable! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I would also say that the type of friends we surround ourselves with are almost always a reflection of our own hearts. One can learn a lot about someone by the type of friends they have.
Again, you are spot on with this comment as well!
Definitely one of your better articles. Very spot on and well written.
Thank you, Tom. I appreciate that.
Agree with you Tom. This article reminds me of the line that’s been around a long time that goes something like ” I was amazed at how intelligent my parents became after I turned 25″.
Ha ha… that saying has been around for a while. Sayings that stand the test of time usually have a fair amount of truth in them. 😉
Very informative Bob! What you have been observing and how you approached your opinions is “fascinating”!
You and I have known each other for some time, though we’ve never met in person. We’ve discussed our reasons for being here (Philippines) and our initiations have been very different. For your readers who don’t know me, I’ve been visiting and living in the Philippines for 3 decades. My reasons for coming here in the beginning were very different from Bob’s. I happened to be sponsoring a couple of Filipino families through what was known then as The Foster Parent’s Plan, known as The Plan today in the Philippines. My first visit was to learn first hand how my monthly contributions were being used. It was actually a side-trip from my real purpose, to travel in mainland China. I did learn how they were using the money and I was also introduced to the families under my sponsorship. The hook was set and that began my closer involvement with The Plan and my subsequent yearly trips to volunteer for The Plan.
All of my involvements at the time were with The Plan and Filipinos. There were few foreigners involved and I met only a handful of expats over those years. I made many Filipino friends over that time and I learned a great deal about Filipino living and culture. So if I had any negative thoughts about my Philippine involvements at all, they were quickly extinguished.
As Bob has eloquently pointed out, the majority of Filipinos live clean, upstanding lives. Not to say that their lives are the same as yours or mine, they are only different.
I can say with some confidence that if one looks to be lied to, to be cheated, to be taken advantage of…it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have more recently married and built several houses in our community and am quite comfortable in my retirement. This is my “paradise”, perhaps partly self-made…
Ron
Hi Ron – Nice to hear from you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story.
I feel that your paragraph about “you get what you are looking for” is spot on. I had considered including that exact language in my article, but it did not make my final edit. It is so true, though. If you come here expecting to get ripped off, well, it will probably happen! 🙂
Take care!
Hi Bob,
Some really good advice there.
Regarding the “Friends” piece, there is an old phrase I’ve always believed in ” We become who we are by association”.
Keep up the good work.
I think that is very true, Chas, in regards to friends. Thanks for sharing that!
Another great article from a man with a great attitude, thanks for sharing Bob.
Thank you Bruce. My attitude is not always very great, but I try to be positive as much as possible.
Great article Bob!
I love the point of using the word “Fascinating”. That is so awesome and fits in so well with my outlook on life.
I have just recently started making friends after many years both in and out of the Philippines without any except my family. I am making sure I am finding the right kind of people for me, and it’s working out well. I want to thank you too for letting me be part of this website and meeting some of these great people.
Thank you!
Hi Jason – Thanks! I have enjoyed having you aboard on this site, bringing your own perspective to the readers. I feel your outlook fits right in with the type of site that I like to operate.
Yeah, that word “fascinating” is a good one. I did not come up with that idea, a friend did, but it actually changed our lives. It sounds too simple to be true, but it really is. Just by changing the word used to describe what we saw, it gave us a whole new outlook on our lives in the Philippines!
Jason, it is indeed an interesting use of the word, “fascinating”. I can’t think of a better word to describe it.
I can tell you that I was often puzzled by the way my Filipino friends would approach and solve problems. I learned early on to keep my mouth shut and ears (and mind) open. I’ve worked on a number of construction projects with them and found that I spent almost as much time learning from my Filipino friends. We tackled tasks which in my mind would have been big even with the best of modern power tools. Yet my Filipino workers always found solutions that may have taken a little more time, but always worked and almost always by hand. I never saw a precise western level on a site for instance, but a length of plastic tubing filled with water is a perfect substitute. Who needs concrete mixers when doing it by hand with shovels works just as well?
One thing that has puzzled me over the years are the jeepneys. We live in the provinces and jeepneys pass by a number of times every day. Jeepneys are not quiet by any means and often their mufflers can be heard even before they come into sight. Yet if one wishes to stop one, he merely says, “psst” as it goes by. What I’ve never been able to understand is how the driver manages to hear or see his potential passenger. He may have already passed, but he’ll slam on the brakes if someone says, “psst…”. Oh, I’ve waived and shouted and that works too!
There are many of these things that I’m continuously learning. It’s just life and learning about them over the years has been “fascinating” to me.
Ron
As far as not able to make friends with Filipinos doesn’t sound right. I find them easy to approach. They are naturally social. Perhaps that guy is the one that is unfriendly
Maybe so. Perhaps he is shy to approach the Filipinos that he sees, or he feels there is a language barrier. But, if he would just take the initiative, I am sure he could develop many good and close friendships.
Straight from the ghetto, Majority of Filipinos dont trust foreigners out of cultural and language barrier. That is quite normal and so pretty much vice versa. I have lived U.S. Of America longer than i have lived Philippines and i still dont trust the people around me. Not because the culture and language barrier, America’s culture is unique, we dont like each other.
Out of curiosity, if you don’t like Americans, why do you stay there? I assume you don’t like Americans, based on your last line “we don’t like eatch other”. Correct me if I am incorrect.
You got it wrongly, Bob. I am an American. My parents are American born. I like Americans regardless of the colors of their skins. They are, or i should say, we are the the epitome of mary, mary, quite contrary human beings.
I never said you are American or Filipino. Your last line of your previous comment was “we don’t like each other.” Who don’t you like? Why doesn’t like you. This is what I am trying to ask you. I really don’t care what your race or nationality is. I am just reacting to a comment that you made, not making any assumptions.
Firstly, i never misspoke the word American. I only utter the word foreigners, per se. But yes, Americans dont like each other, we agree to disagree, that is why we are a great country, is all. I mean, i reckon, you know your history, i supposed, but, of course. Lol….
I completely understand the e-mail you received. The unfortunate truth is that the bad actors will reveal themselves as soon as they think they’ve found an easy mark. Foreigners stand out as easy marks to them. I experienced it the first time when I was here in the 80s.
It’s like when I go to the beach. All of the vendors walking along the beach, selling taho and carved piggy banks and such will purposely ignore my relatives and walk right up to me.
The secret is to go where the not-so-poor people go and see how they behave. I don’t see nonsense like that at places where people have even a little money at their disposal.
The guy is right about the Christianity but it’s no different than in the states. People wear their religion like a badge, but they don’t practice what their religion teaches.
I spent some time back in the states (almost all of 2014), in one of the seedier areas of city. It was far worse than where I live today. I just hit the 10-year mark and I’m looking forward to the next 10.
Hi RT – Interesting thoughts. Your line about Filipinos who want to take advantage picking the “easy mark” made me think a little. I think that is true, and not just in the Philippines. Any con man or thief will seek the easy mark. I suppose I no longer seem like an easy mark to them, probably because I have been here a long time and they can tell. I don’t get these kinds of problems, probably for that reason.
Perhaps they should listen to Joel Osteen the preacher he claims if you believe in
God you’ll be rich
I really don’t care to belittle any body’s religion.
Great article and great advice! We are still having some issues adjusting to some things, but we are working through them.
Hi Gary – Many or most foreigners think that adjusting here should be very easy. I am in daily contact with people who plan to move here, and almost every one of them tells me that adjusting is not a concern to them. After they have been here 6 months or so, I hear back from them and they are usually very upset that they are not able to adjust. If I remind them of our previous conversation about that, the light bulb goes on in their minds.
Hang in there, the adjustment will happen, it just takes time.
Its a matter of who you meet and how good you are at spotting the bad eggs from the good. This applies to ANY country in the world.
I have met some great people here in the Philippines and they are closer to me than most of the good friends I have had back at home.
However, I have met some people who have taken advantage of me too,
for me now, rule no.1 is not to give loans to people because they generally lack the will to return your money and then become your enemy. If I give, I don’t expect it back.
I agree with Bob – don’t buy a house too soon. I made that mistake and am now stuck with two houses which I sometimes wish I did not buy because I am stuck where I am and there are more lovely places in the Philippines to live.
Hi Anton – I have to say.. I disagree with your first line “It is a matter of who you meet”. You decide who you meet. Seek out the people that offer promise of being a friend, or at least being friendly. Don’t let people take advantage. During that “getting to know you” phase, always keep an eye on what is happening, and if you sense that you are being used, it is probably time to look for a different friend.
For sure you are right about making loans. 🙂
Anton, one valuable lesson I learned at an early age from my Irish Dad was that nobody can take advantage of you without your permission…
That is so true, Ron.
Bob I was totally impressed with the fair and honest way you relaid this letter. Great job. My wife will be coming soon, she has business in Butuan and Cebu. during her trip , she is planning to look you up in Devao. perhaps you could pm me a phone #. we have property in Butuan and Cebu, but loves your Mayor. We may be looking.
Thank you Philip Nell! I appreciate your kind words. I will send you a PM shortly.
Firstly let me say that I have lived here for three or four years. Built a house, learnt quite a bit of the language and enjoy it here. Particulary like the cost of living and climate. Also no rules and regulations. Great!
BUT. Many of the filipino people disappoint me. Lying, theft and corruption are simply accepted here.
Dont believe me. Watch the news at night. Most of the politicians are corrupt as the day is long. Most filipino people will tell you this. Have a look in the mountains at the massive three storey houses scattered about. Who owns that? I asked my wife. “The barangy captain, he’s corrupt” she replies. Once again, it’s accepted.
I have stated before on this site that there needs to be an article written detailing all the scams that go on here in the Philippines. I have heard dozens. Met people with just the clothes they are wearing.
Yes, yes, yes, there are scammers and liars in every country. But it seems many more here and they prey on foreigners because we are all “rich”
Please be careful.
Once again, don’t get me wrong. I love living here, but nowhere is perfect and the people here need to respect themselves and their religious beliefs a bit.
I simply hate seeing well meaning people going to another country, seeking a better life, and they end up in ruins
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Adam.
Don’t you know that new president is going to end poverty and corruption
Sometimes you have to hold your tongue so much here, you can go a week without talking!!! Stupid is not a word to use here. They can fix anything. When we would get stuck with my honeys Jeep, there was always someone around that knew the right wire or whatever to get us started, fascinating. Thats right, and imagine being that fascinating yourself, and knowing you will never be in a huge free country like America to let the world know how fascinating you are. There is a lot to think about there, a lot.
If you have something bad to say, holding your tongue is a good thing to do. However, in general, Filipinos are very talkative, if you know them well. Just get a group of 15 or 20 Filipinos who are friends together, and you won’t be able to get a word in.
As a christen I don’t want to say anything bad about the guy so I am speechless. Liked what you wrote about your experiences.
Thanks, bigp – I had similar feelings to what you said.
So this young man is a Christian huh? Well my friend allow me to point out the obvious – If you had taken yourself down to the local church and spoke with your Christian Leader (Priest, Pastor, or ?) then attend one of their functions you would have probably befriended some good people to help in your quest to find a nice house, some other nice friends to enjoy your days and evenings at small eating or drinking get togethers. . . Learn a bit about the real Philippines and not the back alley thief’s hangouts with the “Girls”. . . . . But you went about it a different way. Too bad.. . . . This is an amazing country, but primarily because of the Spirit of the True Filipino. If your still here, try it again. . . .
Hi Terrence. Tough love. Good advice though.
I always love reading your articles.
Thanks, David. You just made my day! 🙂
There is a natural arc for adapting to a new culture.
Culture shock is very real and everyone goes through the stages/phases.
Some adapt quickly and easily.
Others never completely leave one or more phase.(Just like your acquaintances who sit/drink and complain).
Search for the “stages of culture shock”. There has been much scholarly research on the topic but this website gives a short visual depictions and advice similar to Bob’s.
https://www.globalexperiences.com/blog/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-gifs/
Thanks for sharing that, Perry, I appreciate it. I have not read about the stages of culture shock, but I’ll check it out.
Thanks for that link, Perry. Nice, concise breakdown of things. If you can recognize your reactions, you can adjust as necessary to keep things in perspective.
Take care,
Pete
There is a natural arc for adapting to a new culture.
Culture shock is very real and everyone goes through the stages/phases.
Some adapt quickly and easily.
Others never completely leave one or more phase.(Just like your acquaintances who years later still sit/drink and complain).
Search for the “stages of culture shock”. There has been much scholarly research on the topic but this website gives a short visual depictions and advice similar to Bob’s.
https://www.globalexperiences.com/blog/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-gifs/
I’ll check this out, Perry.
Here’s my take on the guy who wrote you the email… Sorry in advance for the long rant ?
He must be a Filipino born here in the Philippines but raised abroad since a child since he mentioned he bought a lot which foreigners can’t do outright unless it’s under his Filipina wife and/or he entered into an partnership with a Filipino person. I have many friends in Hawaii that have dual citizenship by birth and they have not visited the Philippines in years and are out of touch with their families or cultural heritage too.
On his comments about the Philippines being a Christian country but it’s Fake, Filipinos not practicing the Faith and/or finding Religious markings everywhere he goes is his opinion that could be based upon how he was raised and/or his religious beliefs too.
I have many Filipino friends working abroad in UAE and some have embraced the Islam religion because of their longevity of working so many years there and possibly because of their working environment and/or because of their employers beliefs or possibly because they want blend in to keep their job. Either way it’s their decision and I respect that about them.
No matter what religion you believe in, what country you are from and what your nationality is, we are human and people will lie, cheat and steal from anyone, anywhere, anytime, even the children.
On his making friends, I think it has to do with him as a person and possibly on where and how he was raised as a person. Maybe he’s not a humble person or that he thinks that he’s better than the Filipinos or above them. I’ve seen so many foreigners being disrespectful to the Filipinos workers here in Metro Manila because they have a lot of Money to spend.
For me, I’m a guest in this country that I now call home. I’m always humble and respectful towards the Filipino people. Maybe being raised in Hawaii and being 1/2 Caucasian & 1/2 Japanese allows me to blend in better here in the Philippines as well. Majority of the Filipino people thinks that I’m part Filipino and I’m humbled by that and it’s really easy to make friends here in the Philippines if you’re just humble and respectful towards them.
Hi Alan, thanks for sharing your thoughts, a lot of what you say sounds correct and true to me. I am certain that you are incorrect in thinking they guy is Filipino, though. Just seeing his name confirms to me that he is not. But, other than that, I find what you say to be right on target.
Nice article anywhere u go
Hi Bob,
Another great article! Since I signed up for the newsletter, I’ve been visiting a lot more often, so I’ll probably comment more often too.
I do feel for this fellow, and I can definitely understand his feelings. The first thing I want to say is that he clearly conveys his disillusion with the Philippines.
You cannot become disillusioned unless you are under an illusion.
That bears repeating:
You cannot become disillusioned unless you are under an illusion.
If people come to the Philippines thinking that it is the perfect place, then they have an illusion. Nowhere is perfect. I’m from Australia, and I’ve lived and worked in Ukraine, China and India before retiring here. I didn’t return to Australia for about 7 years, and when I did, shock and horror! Australia had a lot more faults than I had seen before. Just different ones that I was used to.
Kids are all thieves? I’ve noticed that the concept of ownership here is quite different. On Sundays we go to meet some friends in the huge back yard of a man whose property is growing into Laguna Lake. He dumps rocks and concrete, builds retaining walls, backfills with sand and soil, plants trees and lawn, and has events there. On his and all the neighbouring properties, strangers wander through to go fishing in the lake, or just to walk along the shore. There are no signs about trespassing. As we trudged through the wrong garden by mistake we came across a man tending his vegetables. He looked up and smiled and said, “Good morning.” before going back to his work. He didn’t mind that complete strangers were in his garden.
Kids in particular don’t seem to have a strong sense of personal ownership. I gave my neice a Christmas present – a colouring/craft kit with pencils, paints, books and glitter glue. Even though it was hers, she shared it with her cousins, friends, and neighbours. Some of the neighbours took pencils and paint, but she was happy because she still had some. Sharing is big here, and yes, it’s fascinating! I think our Western culture makes us fairly greedy.
And the last is ‘no friends’. But where does he meet people? In a bar? Well, if you hang around with drunks, you’ll meet drunks. If you hang around girlie bars, you are unlikely to meet good girls. If you hang around a church, you’re likely to meet Christians, and if you hang around a Mosque, you’re likely to meet Muslims. It’s not rocket science!!!
I’ve met really nice Pinoys and Pinays in Starbucks, in the local pizzeria, and in lots of different stores. As an extremely light drinker, I’ve yet to visit a bar. Nothing wrong with drinking, if that’s your thing. It just isn’t mine.
I’ve met guys who complain that the girls here are all promiscuous… yet they trawl the girlie bars looking for a girlfriend.
Do I have frustrations and difficulties here? Sure. Did I have them in Ukraine? Absolutely. In China? Yep. In India? More than anywhere else! And even on short visits I found the same in England, Hungary, Turkey, Poland, Russia, Malaysia, Thailand and Singapore. Anywhere that’s ‘different’ will cause frustrations and difficulties. But look past that to see the good.
What about the good things here!!! The Philippines has a relaxed lifestyle, cheap and tasty (and mostly healthy) food, cheap transport, beautiful scenery, thousands of beaches, and in my opinion very friendly people.
Hi Russell – Thanks, I’m glad you liked the article.
I agree, you cannot become disillusioned unless you are under an illusion. Exactly. I feel that most (all?) people who move here or want to do so are indeed under an illusion. The illusion is evident when they talk about the “paradise” they are moving to. Everything is perfect here, so they tell me. I thought similar thoughts when I decided to move here. In the years I have been here, though, I have learned differently. I like it here, but it certainly is not close to perfect. I enjoy life here, though.
You mentioned about seeing the faults with Australia when you returned home after living abroad for a number of years. Living here for 16 years, I can see, from afar, the faults of the USA which were not evident to me before. So, I know how true your statement is.
Sharing is indeed a deep part of the culture here, and is expected.
I find a lot of truth and valuable information in the things you said in your comment, especially in the part about who you meet in what places. A lot of people don’t realize it is up to them who they meet, and a lot is determined on their own behavior and places they frequent.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
hello
Hello to you.
Great advice . I have Filipino friends in the US ( Hawaii) and the thing that I notice the most is they don’t try and make it into the Philippines . They instead try to adapt and I think as ex pats that is the key to living outside the U.S. .
I think you are right on that, Roger.
A really positive post, Bob – having a positive attitude makes all the difference.
I can understand how the guy who wrote the email feels – sometimes us foreigners are easy targets for scammers especially when we first come and are unfamiliar with the way things are done here. They, on the other hand, know how to work the system to squeeze as much money out of us as possible.
I totally understand why some foreigners feel hurt and betrayed by this, especially since some have lost a lot of money to dishonest “friends” – me included.
But I think we need to be willing to forgive people who have done wrong to us (a true Christian attitude), and to try to see the good in people, or at least, to see the good people around us.
It’s sometimes daunting being in a completely new environment and making so many adjustments, but like you said choosing to see things positively is probably what enables us to live here happily, long term.
Hi Hope. I agree that moving to a completely new culture is a daunting task. I think most foreigners take it lightly though, and it costs them peace of mind when things don’t work out well.
An excellent article! So much wisdom here. Miserable people will be miserable wherever they go, pretty much. A change in geography is not a change of outlook, although as you have shown, it can precipitate a change in outlook! And not burning your bridges is such good, sound advice!
Thanks, Luanne. I hope our friend will reconsider his life in the Philippines and realize that it us never too late to turn it around.
Kinda nice to hear you also went through an “adjustment” phase, though I’m sure you’re glad that is in the past. I also found a point in time where I found myself wondering why I kept negative people around me 🙂 Ah well… All is good now. Time to go make pickles…..
I think that everybody has to go through an adjustment. Mine was just a long time ago, so maybe some people don’t realize that I had to do it too, just like everybody else. When I was going through such an adjustment, Facebook did not exist! 😉
Ah, so your are actually human too 🙂 LOL!
Don’t ask my wife.. she will probably tell you thinks I would not want you to know! 🙂
Huh? I couldn’t quite here that last bit… Broken up… Must be a bad connection…
Thank you Bob this will change my thinking
You’re welcome. I hope everything works out for you.
Hi Bob, good article I think we all go through this phase you have some good days and
Bad days, sometimes you just have to much time on our hands excluding yourself I know
Your a busy guy, I wake up every day trying to be positive are Filipinos lairs , stupid, cheats of course not only a small percentage I would say but it’s a worldwide thing
You get good and bad everywhere, you have to make the best out of life you only get one
Chance, like you said give it 5 years I’ve been here 8 years and I love it,
Hopefully this guy will have a more positive attitude after reading this article,
Derek in pasig.
Hi Derek. I actually heard from the fellow today. He saw the article, and I believe he is going to look for the brighter side now I wish him the best of luck.
I have seen the taxis being pushed and for myself in stead of using the word stupid or fascinating, my immediate thought is ” I wonder why ” . Starting a car can put a lot of wear on certain things so why start the engine a dozen times or more when you have fellow cabbies that can help you push the car a few feet. Cars are a lot lighter than they used to be. Stupid ? NO, smart YES.
Here in the USA I prefer to own rather than rent but after learning about The Philippines for about a decade now and from my own experiences in visiting I will agree with you Bob that renting, at least at first and maybe more, is the better way to go. You never really do know what might move into the vacant lot or building next to you. I recently ( via internet video ) saw a gathering of hundreds gathered in the street at a place I have visited many times. I would call it a semi-residential area with houses just a few hundred feet away. A vacant lot all of a sudden became similar to a Rock Concert complete with a covered stage, live band ( with an appropriate ” Sound System ” LOL singing etc. I don’t know how many days and nights this went on for but from what I saw in the video it was orderly. It reminded me of what I had read so many times here on ” LIP ” about buying property there, you never know what might move in next to or near you.
Scammers and the like ? Sure and I have met a few but the same happens here in New York and just about everywhere else. Lots of ” tourist traps ” in New York city for the thousands of tourists that go there. In recent years I and thousands of others get numerous ” telemarketing ” phone calls from so called telemarketers that are nothing more than scams. I don’t even answer my phone any more and just let my recently acquired ” voice mail ” take the call. Scammers. con artists, crooks, undesireable people are Universal wherever you go.
From reading of some of the not so good experiences of others, I consider myself fortunate that yes, I have made what I would call some genuine friendships there in The Philippines and many more good acquaintences. As you know I did a lot of research before visiting for the first time and I continue researching things there. I wonder if lack of enough information and research by some that move there is why they become so unfortunate and disillusioned after they move there to live ? I am speaking of course as a visitor for a period of about 10 years now on an annual and sometimes semi-annual basis. I keep up with many things that interest me about The Philippines on the internet when I can not be there in person. Obviously living there and ” Just Visiting ” are far from being the same. Each of my visits in addition to being a lot of fun and enjoyment for me, I also consider to be a learning experience.
Paradise ? I think it is more a state of mind than anything else and it can mean different things to different people. A paradise state of mind can be with you wherever you are if you want it to be.
Hi Bob – Zoning laws are rare in the Philippines, and when they do exist, they are basically made to be broken in many cases. Because of that, you might wake up tomorrow and find that the vacant lot next door is now a piggery…. you may have been awaken by the smell, in fact. 😉 If you are renting, you can move elsewhere. If you own the place, well, the pork chops may be good if you can get past the smell coming from next door. 🙂
I really find much of what you say to hit the mark, Bob.
Excellent article for content and writing. Thanks.
Thank you
Nice comments from you in the article, Bob. I have to think that the guy was looking for utopia and found that it is not in the Philippines 😀 There are good and bad people every where and he has obviously been exposed to the bad ones.
I think you may be correct with the utopia thing.
I find this to be one of your best articles, Bob because you used ur own experience to explain how you became happier here. As far as the letter writer building a house is one of the most stressful things in life and would give most people a cynical view of the people they are dealing with.
Thanks, Dave. I really appreciate your kind words.
Hi Bob,
This is not meant as a judgement in any way, but do you find that many/most expats only associate with foreigners and wealthy Filipinos?
Peace
Jay
Hi Jay – No scientific evidence or anything, just based on my observation, I would say that a large majority of foreigners associate almost exclusively with other foreigners, the wife’s family excluded.
“Fascinating!”
🙂
I do not know this man, but I would venture to say that he may have been of the type who likes to play the roll of Big Shot early on when visiting the area and or whence moving there. As the time went on he most likely noticed the people taking advantage of this early impression. After a while this man may have felt as if they all were taking advantage of him and his “status”. Now I am just speculating from others I have know with similar experiences. If I were him I would first put my house up for rent (Filipino Rate) and move elsewhere to restart his self and his thinking and how he presents himself to others there.
Hi Crhis – I know he has read and is reading this article, we shall see if he takes your advice.
I have moved over 20 times in my adult life to different towns in the US and overseas. I have spent have my adult life living in foreign countries. Each time I go to a new location I have to “learn the ropes”. I have to learn who is best to do business with, who to request services from and where to shop for the best price. To “learn the ropes” requires talking to people that have lived in the area for a while to get referrals. Sometimes it is a trial and error process. In the Philippines, the best people to talk to are Filipinos that have lived in the location all their lives. I don’t do business with someone that approaches me until I can check them out. When you are the new guy in town, there will be people that know you have not “learned the ropes” and will try to take advantage of your ignorance. The Philippines is no different. As a foreigner the liars and cheats will assume you are one of the new guys and try to take advantage of you, until you prove you know the ropes.
I agree you should not buy a house and lot until you have “learned the ropes”. Meaning you know what is a good house price or have a referral for a trustworthy construction foreman to build your house. Remember, you knew who to do business at your last location, so it was easier to avoid the liars and cheats. Caveat empter -let the buyer beware.
Ah a man of experience. I have moved about that many times in my life, but most of my moves were during my childhood when I did not have to deal with this sort of thing. That was the job of the adults. I can tell by reading your comment that you know what you are doing, everything you say is the right way to do it. Good advice.
Hi Bob,
Great article. Still waiting to get over there and get started on a new life. Looking forward to making friends with many locals and not necessarily other expats. Been there several times and been scammed/conned several times already but that is all a learning experience. Being a soft touch myself, I have handed all responsibility of money handling to my wife and it will be the same when we move to Davao so hopefully I can avoid being caught again. Can’t wait. Nick
I think most every expat has been scammed at least once. How we deal with it and what changes we make determines our success or failure, though. Good luck to you, Nick!
Great article Bob. Very insightful.
Thanks, Jason. I’m glad that you found some insight from the article. Makes my day!
Bob,
I doubt I will find myself so full of disdain as the fellow has. I have experienced quite the opposite with dishonesty. My wife left $20 in her pocket and sent the clothes out to cleaned when she went to pick them up the lady handed it to her. However I had people here in the US steal from me a lot. I have very little problem when i am there in the Philippines. Matter of fact when I would visit I always find myself missing being there when i come back to the US. Thing are just too hi strung here now and its only getting worse. And now we have our daughter I defiantly want to move there. I will not subject my child to the Govt schools here.
Trying to wrap up my business here so I can move there. My wife and my daughter are already there. I seen you not recommend buying a house for new expats but we bought our house 8years ago so my wife’s Nanay had a good place to live. Now we are ready to move and the house is paid off and remodeled. Our business seems to be doing well there and that is a good feeling. I am so ready to move and get the new chapter in my life going. Hope to get to meet you one day.
Hi Scott – When it comes to honesty and theft, my experiences have been similar to what you describe. Our maid is as honest as the day is long. There have been times when I have left cash sitting out in the bedroom, but when she goes in to clean the room, the money is still there, not a peso missing. I trust her implicitly.
Good luck to you, Scott. Looking forward to that future meeting! 🙂
Your examples of honesty mirror mine. One of the more extreme examples came from a time that I found myself 35 km from home late at night and it was raining very hard. Normal public transportation wasn’t running at the time (jeepneys and busses). I found a boy with a tricycle who was willing to take me all the way for PhP200. It’s an unusual distance for a hired tricycle, but I was also glad to find the ride. When we arrived home I fished out a couple of bills and he went on his way.
Very early the next morning I find him back at the house. It seemed that in my haste in the dark, I’d given him two PhP1,000 notes. He told me that he couldn’t sleep all night worrying about the over-charge and wouldn’t accept any reward for returning my change. He did accept staying for breakfast and a Milo and I did manage to hide PhP200 in a jacket he was carrying in the trike before he left.
On another occasion an old woman came to the store in the evening. She kept all the money she had in a handkerchief. When she opened it up, PhP500 was missing! A dozen or more neighborhood children scattered out to look for her missing money in the dark. One of them did find and return it after a while.
Just a couple of examples…
Thanks for sharing those examples, Ron. As we have all said, there are certainly dishonest people in the Philippines, but in general, I find Filipinos to be quite honest.
The Philippines definitely isn’t for everyone. In fact it isn’t even close to being for everyone. Too many want to escape to paradise. I doubt there is any such place.
It is too bad people don’t move here and rent for a year, or two, to see if they’ll like it. Find out if they’ll like living without water for awhile or brownouts or whatever.
In the states they complain but they have no idea how good they have it. It is a tough life here.
Hi Rusty, thanks for stopping by and for your comment. Everybody is different and chooses their own path on how they handle things when they move here. But, I think it is foolish to move here and immediately spend a ton of money on a house. In at least half of the cases I see, that does not work out well.
Hi Rusty (and Bob), Rusty and I have known each other for several years. Even so, I don’t quite agree.
I happen to be living in my paradise on Cebu. Comfortable house and climate, good friends and neighbors, no pressure from any direction. All of the wonderful fruits and vegetables and other foods that are available here. Perhaps others would think that it’s a boring life, but boredom is my responsibility and I’ve never been bored!
However I agree wholeheartedly about newbie’s renting for an extended time before making any decision to buy or build.
I heard a comment from someone about the inability of foreigners to own property here and that is true…to a point. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
Buying property for your wife is one (risky if something happens to your marriage, but the easiest in all other respects). Leasing property is another (coming with it’s own risks). Buying a condo with it’s rules and restrictions is a third. However you do it and as Rusty and Bob have said, once you’ve set your anchor it becomes very difficult to move or walk away without a loss.
I did what you describe: hang out with more positive minded people (expats) and meet upbwith locals more. It grows my confidence in living in the Philippines and it changes my life.
That’s great, JC. I’m glad that it worked well for you too! Good luck with your life here!