Hi Feyma,
I will be attending a family wedding in Davao in the spring, and will be one of the Ninongs.
As a westerner, I am researching what that means, but cannot really get a good handle on what is expected of it, especially coming from the west.
Can you give me some short concise advice. I learn a lot from your site, but havent seen this term yet.
Much appreciated,
Bill
I emailed Bill back and answered his query. I was thinking of making his inquiry into a post here on LiP. I was thinking their could be more like Bill’s questions there that doesn’t really know much about being godparents here in the Philippines. So that’s why I made this post for you guys that’s new to the godparent thing here. Some of you might be shocked of being a godparent here. Some weddings/baptism there could be like 30 God parents. 15 males and 15 females. Some would even be more than that. They always say the more the merrier. More people will help then when troubles come for the couple. A lot of shoulders to lean on that’s what they say. Hopefully not big troubles though. But just in-case, a godparent should be there to support emotionally for the couple. They will also there for the couple in good and bad times.
Well, for a wedding attire mostly are formal. Some bride and groom they will have clothing for you already it might be included in the package with the wedding planner for rental. The clothing might be like the one we have here for the guys, we call it “Barong Tagalog”. When my husband Bob was asked to be a ninong, he almost always wears barong for the occasion. With my kids being the secondary sponsor like grooms men they were provided by the couple with barongs and the undershirts that goes with it. Or you can buy for yourself at any malls here. But if you are not with the regular size as the Filipino men, you really have to go the the tailor shop they will make it for you. Some are more spendy though. It all depends on the fabric that you like. Or you can just wear slacks and formal shirt.
You will have to bring a nice wedding gift for the couple. Nowadays, most couple will now registered at the bridal registry at the big malls. Just ask the bride and the groom, they might have registered themselves in one of the malls. I remember when one of our worker got married. They told us they were registered at the bridal registry at SM and NCCC. So I went there and at the mall they made a print out of what they were asking. I really liked it. It is more convenient. You don’t have to go through headache of double guessing what the couple needed.
After cutting of the cake and the toss the garter and stuff, the couple will have their dance. In our culture the family of the lady will pin money to the groom’s clothing, and the family of the groom will pin the money to the bride’s dress. I guess the godparent will pin the money to either the groom or the bride. You can also skip that since you already brought gifts for them. It is not mandatory.
I am trying to remember if I have already been a ninang before to a wedding. I think a long time ago I did. If I remember I didn’t make it and I asked one of my family member to substitute for me. I paid the fees but just have somebody there to attend in behalf of myself.
I will also tell here about my parents being the godparents in a small town. They’ve been asked to be a godparents a lot of times, like a few times a month. It’s either my dad or my mom would be asked. Since my dad had a position in our barrio, a lot of the young people when they get married they would asked him to be the their sponsor. I saw sometimes when those couple that my parents being the godparent with had marital problems. They would be at our house talking to my dad. They would asked advice from my dad and mom. As you know, in a little town the troubled couple mostly would asked the priest, since they have to travel to see the priest, it would be easier for them to see my dad or their other wedding sponsor on our town for that matter. Just by talking to the godparents it must really helped them. Some of those troubled couples before when I was young are still married until now. I saw them sometimes when I’m visiting our farm and me and my siblings were talking to them and they happily reminisce to us the good advice that my parents gave them and they are so thankful for it. It made me proud and wanting to be good to the godchildren that Bob and I have.
To all of you who were asked to be a godparent good luck and have fun.
Cheers!
Feyma: We’ve been asked to be ninongs on a number of occasions for babies here. My advice to expats would be to feel honored, but to take it more seriously than they would if asked to be godparents in the States.
It is certainly taken more traditionally here, and you may, indeed, end up being asked to help with the child’s education, get him a job, and to give advice. (Just as Rebecca’s ninongs and ninangs do, to this day, and she’s forty ___ years old). We always agree when asked with close friends / family, but when it is cousins of the friends and so on, we politely decline (and you CAN do so, if polite about it)
Hi John – I could not agree you more. Definitely here Ninongs/Ninangs takes their rule seriously. The godchildren really look up to the godparent highly here. They treat them as their second parents.
Yes, to decline politely to a godparent invitation is also okay. Just have a good reason for it.
Anyway, thank you for the good advice John. Hello to Rebecca and hugs to Juanito.
Have a great day!
Feyma & Bill;
As I’ve been a Ninong here a few times and I’m also westerner here; this is my advice. If it’s Family then it kind of expected of you. If it just folks around you, this is where you must put some thought to it (Or ask your wife/GF).
Do you know the bride or groom very well, or are you friends with their family? These are questions you should ask yourself before you become the ninong for your Barangay. Plus there is responsibility that comes with the Honor. I won’t go into that as Feyma has covered that subject very well. If you accept, then get into it with both feet, and enjoy the experience, as I know you’ll have a great time.
Hi Paul – Good thing to think about what you just said Paul. Bob’s been a ninong to some of our nieces that got married. Some we’ve been close with. Sometimes the our kids were also invited for secondary sponsor.
Before we were invited to be ninang and ninong to people we didn’t know. A lot of times we declined for not knowing them and for giving us short noticed.
Good advice there Paul. “To just have fun”. Can’t argue on that.
Cheers!
Mrs Feyma,
Thanks for the info, wasn’t too sure what it all entailed. I think it would be an honor to be a godparent, looking forward to the opportunity. Have a nice day.
Hi PapaDuck – Your welcome. When time you retire here, expect lots of invitation. I’m you will be honored to be the second parent to those kids. You can post here on LIP then. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by.
Have a pleasant day!
I’m a tad confused…what’s the difference between being a ninong at a christening…where you are becoming a godparent…and being a ninong at a wedding?
(Imagine me not knowing this after all this time).
Hi Jim Hannah – I think it’s about the same. You had the responsibility for those godchild/godchildren. With the baptism, big responsibility since you will be there for that child since childhood until he/she will be growing up till married, really till the end.. With the wedding you will be there for them until you will die. Really just be there to guide them and help them. Just like the parents to them.
Hope it helps you a bit.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Feyma,
I only have one question I understand it’s an honor to be a ninong and will do so for my family. Having a westerner as your ninong give you status among the community. My question is how do you tell soeone no you do not want to be a ninong. Knowing Filipino pride this could be a very touchy situation.
Hi Bruce Michels – You can politely decline. Others might be hurt a little bit, but they get over it quicker than you think. They can’t force you if you don’t feel like being the godparent.
Good to see you here again. thank you for stopping by!
Is there a lot of financial obligations involved in this , when people expect you to be a godparent/ninong are you obligated to pitch in financially to help or can it be done in other ways in Filipino culture ?
Thank you for explaining Feyma. I was asked to be a sponsor at a internet aquaintance wedding and since I did not know what it meant and she could or would not explain I declined. Never heard from her since, guess the $’s were more important than friendship!
Just for perspective. Being a godparent to a child at a baptism or to a couple getting hitched is one of the legacies of the Spanish colonial era, called the compadrazgo system. Being a ninong or godfather (padrino in Spanish) means being a ritual member of the family. Being a compadre (kumpare in Filipino) is therefore considered an honor in Filipino culture because the family is the basic unit of Filipino society.
There is another cultural element at work here. The value of family has been strong even before the Spaniards arrived in the 1500s because Filipinos were divided into islands, ethnic and language groups, and tribes. That became even stronger because of the compadrazgo system, which figured in one of the major events in Philippine history.
When the explorer Ferdinand Magellan landed in 1521, the local chief Humabon converted to Catholicism. Magellan was later killed in the Battle of Mactan because, being Humabon’s padrino, he felt obligated to aid Humabon in his dispute with rival chieftain, Lapu-Lapu.