I got an email from a lady who lives in the foreign land and has a friend with a problem. I’ve heard of these problems many times. Just lately I talked to a friend with just had similar situation. It’s really hard to tell the people what to do though. I don’t really care how old the couple as long as they are happy. I’ve had so many friends here and in the USA before that the guy was 30 to 40 years older than the lady and the marriage was really working and they love each other. So for me age doesn’t really matter.
“Dear Feyma, How are you? I stumbled upon your website like over a year ago and find it very helpful to all of us Filipinas who are married to foreigners. Like you, me and my husband are thinking of retiring in the P.I. someday. Hoping that we can really afford to live there.
I am writing you regarding a friend of mine. He is corresponding to young girls in the Philippines. He is most interested on this one girl. To be honest the girl is young. My friend is in his mid 50’s. He would not tell me the age of the girl, I think he is embarrassed about it. He just said she’s not 20 years old yet. Anyway, he is supporting the girl and the family. He is sending the girl to a pretty good school and send a lot of money for her many curricular activities that she’s involved with in school. I think since the girl is so young she is falling in love with her classmate and my friend found out about it. He was furious. He called up the family on the phone and told them that if they would not discipline the girl then he would have to stop sending them money. The mom and the rest of the family promised him that they will take care of it. Well, it didn’t stop there. The girl continued on dating and going out with the boy. The family keeps on telling my friend that they will talk to the girl. My friend is really seriously thinking of cutting them off. He is also torn because as what my friend said the girl is really smart and he doesn’t want her knowledge to go to waste. I forgot to tell you he is spending a lot of money on the side for this girl. The out of town trips the girl told him its school requirements, the cell phone (she “lost” a few phones), to make herself pretty like for haircut, expensive clothing and many more. Hospital bills for the girl and members of the family.
Feyma, I know I said a lot. I think I am so out of touch in our country. I just did not know how the family works now in the Philippines. I just can’t believe that the family will convince the daughter/sister just for all of them to have a better life. What happened to our family values there? I just want to ask your advice and from the people here on your site. I will tell my friend the advice that everyone gave. More power to this website and thank you so much for the help.
I think the problem that I am talking right now is quite common nowadays. With the internet the scamming is really growing. Its up to guys to study and handle it. Just like the woman that emailed me even if she takes our advice to the guy and told him what we say here, its really up to him if he believes us or those people that scammed him. Most of the time they believe the scammers. We encountered similar problem a few years back on our business. The guy believed the girl and few months later he came back and told us that we are right the girl did have somebody on the side. Just try to be really extra careful who you correspond with.
Cheers!
Hi Feyma- Stories like this send a shiver down my spine! Men are so weak when it comes to beautiful, and young women, and are easy targets to people who want to take advantage of them.
Those of us who have found true love ( no matter how we found it) should count our blessings!
Hi Anthony – I hear you. I just hope guys will open up their eyes though.
Yes agree to that.
Calling the parents to discipline the girl ? This guy is not only a fool but an idiot..sorry I have no sympathy.
Hi brian – I can see your point. I’m sure lots of people will agree with you there. Thank you for the comments .
Good to see you here. Keep reading.
Hi feyma when i was looking for a partner on a dating website i would quite often have young girls of 18 come online and want to talk ect ,i stipulated that i was only interested in someone over the age of 36 ,my most common line was that my daughter was older than they were , i have seen people i know marry a woman a lot younger than themselves and it nearly always ends in tradgedy ,the young woman wants to enjoy the nightlife and the older husband is past all thet as for the story that you have posted i think that the gentle man should look at the old saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea and throw this one back as undersized
chris
Hi chris – Good thinking there. I’m glad it works out for you and you found the woman that you loved too.
Thank you for you comment. Take care!
Frankly I dont see what the problem is ! A man who is old enough to make up his own mind is doing what he wants. There are no secrets- he knows the girl is very young and is in love with her classmate. If he wants to keep sending her money- that is his right. People – although well intentioned- should respect the rights of others to do whatever they chose to do- even if it is harmful to them. And that goes for smoking, for overeating, for not getting enough exercise, for gambling etc etc. That is what living in a democracy is all about- free will. And that includes free will to make an ass of yourself if that is your choice.
I would feel differently if the guy was mentally retarded, or suffering from Alzeimers, or didnt know the truth about the girl- but that is not the case here. We are becoming a culture of busybodies – and like the saying goes ” let he who is without sin cast the first stone”
There are NO victims in this story.
After reading this story I was going to comment about much of a fool this guy is and what he should do, etc. But after reading ian’s comment I must say I have to agree. It is his money, his life, and if he wants to give all his money to someone who does not love him, then so be it.
Like Paul T. said in his comment below, the man is also getting an education and maybe he will learn sooner than later.
This guy is over 50 years old and we should let him live his life like he wants, especially if he is not bothering, hurting anyone, or breaking any laws.
Hi Ian and Jake – For me… I agree, the guy is a big boy and he gets to do what he wants. However, he can do what he wants and also be a fool. The two are not mutually exclusive! đ
Bob;
“And a fool and his money, are soon parted”
Hi JakeB – Yes the guy can do really do what he wants to do. We can also give advice to him and to the readers here. It’s up to the individual really what to do.
Keep reading and good to see you here!
quick road to suicide!
Hi Ian – Yes you are right that the guy can do what he wants to do. We can also educate the readers here. Some new people here might be meeting some ladies from the Philippines on line for the first time. At least they know what to do when situation like this happens. We just give advices. We don’t judge people here. It’s really up to the person what he wants to do with his life.
We are like those gambling anonymous, AA meeting, nutritionist here. We also give advices to people here, its really up to the individual to follow or still continue what he wants to do. If he wants to be a fool for a long time its his choice not mine or yours. I’m just hoping he will learn his lesson soon enough before his money dried out.
Thank you for your comment here!
I never realized this type of thing happened until I met my wife. When i met her It was the old fashion way, she works as a nurse here In Wisconsin One day I saw a pretty girl and went up to here and said hi. After about 2 months of talking on the phone she went on a date with me. We went from there.
Since I have been learning more about the Philippines its this sort of thing that makes shivers run down my spine. I don’t want to judge but come one, 30 years apart is ridiculous. this guy deserves to be taken for being a pedophile wanna be.
Sounds harsh but its only saying what we are all thinking. The girl in most cases is 16 or 17. I bet cash money this one is to. Its sick real sick. it happens all to often in these countries. I’m all for finding a mate via the internet but when it comes down to it if your 30 years older then that person your not going to have a damn thing to talk about and she will end up being a ornament. What kind of life is that for a person.
If this guy really wanted to be a good person he would help the family with no conditions on making there daughter a slave. I’m pretty sure you cant buy people anymore,, or can you?
Ok now I said that On the other hand, I have also seen some wild things come from Filipino’s that are poor that my wife pointed out to me. When I first came to the Philippines I felt so sorry for the poor people there and I still do for the most part. But just like here in the US people will do whatever it takes to get money. The parents of this girl are allowing it to happen and they know full well what they are taking advantage of this guy. I think one poster said no one is a victim here but thats not quite right. If the girl is so young she is being wronged buy this guy and her family by not teaching the right values to her.
Hi jack – I’m glad you found your wife and you guys are happy.
The thing that bother me the most was the family was the one deciding for her. They want her to be with the guy she doesn’t really want. If she wants to be with her classmate so be it. She should decide who wants to be with in her life. I felt the family was selling her out for them to have a good life. Hey who wants a good life. But work for it.
I thank you for your advice and comments here. You gave good points. I really hope that our readers will find it helpful all the advice we gave here.
Take care!
Jack- you asked the question, and i quote : if your 30 years older then that person your not going to have a damn thing to talk about and she will end up being a ornament. What kind of life is that for a person.
So what do my wife and I talk about? She helps me run our business as a full partner and we talk about that. We talk about how to market things, what products to build, what financing to offer, what clients to pursue. We talk about where we want to build our new house- about which architect to use, about which engineer we like, about when to start construction.
We talk about where we want to go on vacation. We talk about whether we want to go to Europe or to China next trip. We talk about what kind of car we should buy her. We talk about when to go shopping and what movies we want to watch. We talk about politics- both philippines and world wise. We talk about how we can help her family.
What do you talk to your wife about Jack????????????
Its soooo easy to sit on ones behind judging other people based on absolutely no knowledge or information.
In the long run the girl is the victim in this story. Because if she is underage and her parents are allowing this to happen then she is the victim because of her parents behavior. They are teaching her to be dishonest and not teaching her the vaules that she needs. In time one way or the other this will come back to bite her and also her parents..I can not feel sorry for the man because he is old enough to know better. Yes! The pretty Fillipina’s are temping,pretty,take your breath away (some of them) but any smart strong man (not weak) knows that in most cases it takes a lot more than beauty and temtation to make a relationship work.
Hi Dan – Can’t agree you more.
Thank you for stopping by.
Feyma;
I agree age is not the factor, the 50 year old man is doing the right thing, heâs paying for an education, both his and hers. Heâs as dumb as a bag of rocks, and should know better. Sheâs no victim as she went on line and allowed him to find her. The one who is the guiltiest, is her family. The law in the U.S. calls it pandering (same as a pimp) they gladly accepted his support, and played him like a fish on a hook. My they all live happily ever after. I hope her classmate enjoys his new cellphone she gave him.
Hi Paul – Yes, I’m with you. I just can’t believed the behavior of the family. I know someone who has similar story of this guy we are talking about. But I won’t give him any advice because I know he doesn’t listen anyway to what I say. I just hope that his money won’t dry up soon too. Just hoping that he will find the right woman for him before anything bad happens to him. He is a smart guy but act stupid when it comes to women.
Good to see you again. Take care!
Paul you crack me up….your cell phone comment is a direct bullseye…..bet they both got the latest and greatest phones !!!! LOLOLOL
Brian;
I just call it as I see it! I’d like a new cell phone myself [lol]
It sounds like he has a better friendship with the girl’s parents than with her. He should give her her freedom, but maybe stay on as a family friend, as long as he wishes. Who knows… they might introduce him to someone better.
Hi Louis – Good advice.
Thank you and take care!
Hi Feyma: What’s left to be said: ” A fool and his money are soon parted “.
Hi Roberto – True.
Thank you for stopping by!
It all comes down to intellegence and what kind of “Man” you are.. I never ever thought I would meet a woman 31 years younger than I, But after talking with her via phone and Internet, for 6 Months and being a People Person all my life, I had no doubts whatsoever, who and what she was. I sold evertything, and came to her 3 years ago, and she is still the same woman as before. A real diamond, and I still Party, quess I have a young brain stuck in an older body hehehe, but I for one never intend to grow old… Back to the story, its a No Brainer whats happening to this guy, go back to my first sentence, theres about a Billion miles difference between what kind of man he is and what kind of man I am…And I think I can say at least a Million miles between him and Paul Thompson also….Heheheheh
Lenny;
I million miles difference? I guess the poor guy could never come up with the airfare to get here. Problem solved!
Hi lenny2000 – Good for you. Age doesn’t really matter as long as both felt the love with each other. Like you it works on you.
Hey, have fun.
We like Paul Thompson he is really a funny guy. đ
Thank you for stopping by. Good to see you here. Keep reading…
What more is there to say…the comments above say it all really. It is a shame though. I, too, have been a fool in love, which, as the saying goes, is blind. Who hasn’t, at some time or other? We all get over it and come out the other end older and wiser. Can’t help thinking this guy may take a LOT of educating before he could be called “wise’ though!
Hi Jim Hannah – Hey but you learned your lesson though. You changed everything after your mistake too.
Hoping that this guy will change and learn from his mistakes. Hoping that he is reading this site.
Thank you for your comment. Take care!
Feyman,
You have an unenviable job of being the Ann Landers of this site. Ann would probably say, ‘grow up big boy.’
Alex
Hi AlexB – Ha ha ha. I know what you mean. I’m glad and very lucky to have you guys helping me out in advising here. Thank you to my LIP family.
Cheers!
I like all these comments and they are all spot on. One thing this “man” may not realize is that he is not the only idiot supporting her. If she is doing it to one older dare I say desperate man then she is doing it to several.
We can all say that in his shoes I would get rid of her but I am not wearing his shoes. So as pointed out earlier it is his right to be fooled and believe what he wants about this girl.
And if he is giving money away then I can be a young girl online too. Please send me money. LOL
Hi Darin Collins – Yes you got a point there. She or her family might have more guys that they’re corresponding with. Who knows really. I hope the guy was thinking that possibility too.
For me here I just hope that our readers will learn from what they read here on the site. We are just hoping nobody was scam.
To be perfectly honest lots of guys pretending to be girl now on line just to get money. Married women do that kind of thing here, sometimes the husband even help the wife.
Thanks for your comment. Good to see you here!
ahhmmm(cough) excuse me…. that was a sad story i feel sorry for him..i’m a wife of Hudson, Filipina..20 y/o. my husband is 52 i don’t think if age is really matter. I think their is just some women who is not contented of what they got, their is some filipina too which is i know that is ungrateful can’t blame them that’s the way they are..but this story is kinda common to me why just can’t avoid it before it happen. sending money to a filipina girlfriend is not a culture in the Philippines LOL (peace) đ
Hi hudson’s wife – Yes I agree age does not really matter in a relationship. For as long as they loved each other. As I’ve said before I know many people there in the States and here in the Philippines that the men were way older than the women. It doesn’t bother me because it works for them.
I think some trend now for women and family chatting some guys on line and get some money. I’ve heard lots of stories on that too. I even wrote some about that before here on Lip. I just hope that guys will learn though.
Thank you so much for sharing here. Hope to hear more from you in the future. Keep reading.
I am a Filipina and when my husband and myself decided to get married, i was 30 and he was 60. Age does not matter, but interests and kindness of heart on top of loving each other sure goes a long, long way! The guy seeks drama in his life and the girl already knows she’s got her claws on him (since he already knows she is dating someone else and he is still sticking around). He is probably already thinking he should fly to the Philippines and settle everything~!He could have married her and then sent her to school. Best thing to do is for him to dump her (and forget his “investment”), move on and grow up!
Hi Carlyn – I’m really happy for you. You seems really happy with the person you are with. Keep it up.
Good advice for the guy that we are talking about here. I hope the concerned guy reads all of the advice here, weigh it and apply to himself.
Thank you for stopping by. Keep reading and continue to comment here. Good to see you here too.
I think a lot of people , especially in their latter years, find themselves in mundane, predictable somewhat boring lives. And they yearn for some excitement- a little thrill now and then to break up the monotony . Some find it at the track, some at the casino, some in a bottle, some in travelling- and some in finding a fantasy life ! lol This guy has found his fantasy. But to make it acceptable to his moral background has convinced himself that unless he sends her money a great brain will go to waste ! hahaha But hey- if that works for him who am I to argue ! lol But the bottom line is that he has found some excitement in the fantasy of having a nubile asian girl who he has convinced himself that some day – maybe – he will be with and all his dreams will come true ! And of course she-and her family – are more than happy to feed his fantasies- and accept his cash !! He has tried to control her and the family has obviously ignored his attempts. Of course he is fooling himself, but again, who are we to deprive a person of their fantasies ? As long as they are not hurting anyone else. And in this situation I dont see anyone else being hurt. So rather than pushing him to dump her [ and his investment] wish him well in his pursuit of his fantasy. After all- there are much worse things a person can do in terms of pursuing their fantasies. If he had any real intentions of being with this girl he would have already flown to meet her. But of course- thats the real world. And that would destroy the fantasy! lol
Hi Ian – I just hope that a lot of men will stop that fantasy right away. Unless they have the Bill Gates kind of money then so be it.
For us here we are just hoping that the guy that we are talking about will learn his lesson and move on.
Thank you for your comment and advice.
It is true the man is old enough to do what he likes. I think that he is acting very foolish, but there are many reasons a person will make this mistake (1) not accepting getting old, (2) trying to add some adventure back into life after years of working hard preparing for retirment (3) just being lonely, etc.
I see men much older than the ladies in the mall all the time. I cannot help but believe if there was a young Filipino with money and she had the opportunity to choose between the two she would take the Filipino nearer her age.
I have a neighbor who has a young lady he is in his late 50’s and she is in her early 20’s. He has bought her a condo and a farm for her parents. He remains in England and visits her every 3 months for about 15 days. He hates the Philippines. People in the neighborhood have made some negative comments, but I think if he has the money to buy himself a toy then it is not any of my business. Some men spend it on expensive cars, boats, etc. he prefers to spend it on her. I know she has a Filipino boy friend and I have been told by Filipino neighbors I should tell him, but I do not see where that is any of my business.
It is just a shame that anyone in the Philippines feels they have to do that in order to survive. Young men that are not Gay find themselves doing the same thing with older foreign men.
What really gets me is when I go to the mall with my caregiver who had been with me for five years and is 32 and I am in my 70’s FILIPINO’S stare. Now when they stare too long I walk up to them and ask them if they would like to ask any questions of me because it appears they are more interested in my business than they are their own and I give them my business card and tell them at my next Mass I will pray for them .
One day at SM a foreigner (old) was sitting with a young lady (very young) you could tell it he had just arrived in Davao for his booty call. He was staring at us and then made the bad mistake of pointing us out. I went up to his table and told him I know why you are here with a young lady in the Philippines, but you really do not know why that young man was with me. He was shocked and hung his head and said not a word.
A guy has a relationship with a Filipino family. From what we are told, he hasn’t asked for any advice, or complained to anyone about anything. He’s getting on with his life.
Someone who claims to be his friend has emailed Feyma saying SHE wants advice, so she can pass it on to the bloke in question, who hasn’t asked for it.
“Mind your own business” is the advice I would give to her. Most people have enough trouble managing their own lives without giving gratuitous advice to others.
Is this for real? Unbelievable!
I understand age gaps when it comes to love, but, usually they’re at a certain age that marks a certain ‘adult feel’ (some type of maturity). But to me, seeing a man already over the hill, and a girl who is just barely 20… I see something wrong with that. When I say something wrong, I don’t mean wrong if they were actually in love. But, it seems to me there might be a problem ’cause I don’t see women that age with men that age. If he can’t get a girl that age in the states, not a lil’ chance, then what is the possibility for him to get one somewhere else? Well, the difference to change the possibility seems to be money. I always wonder if a guy can get a girl easier in a backstreet or rural area, yet, would fail at getting one near places like Ateneo. Plus, if there is a below 18 thing going on, then the guy could be put under a sex offender list that the American law keeps (only if he becomes explicit).
I think the situation shows itself that she isn’t interested in him, and her parents pushed her. That is sickening, and to me it angers me that parents would do crappy things to their own kids. That reminds me- my friend (Macky on my site) was in a internet cafe. He said that a girl around age 13 was on the computer and her mom and her moms friends was making her talk to some foreigner. They openly said they’re doing it for money, and he said people were shocked cause they had no shame. You see, me and several Filipinos my age seem to agree that somethin is fishy about these relationships with an age gap that doesn’t seem right (not the ones that are right). Its the same thought me and my own American friends would agree with. Only difference, this is 3rd world. The guy seems to try to take advantage of the girl (almost emotionally ‘raping’), and ironically, her parents too… unless he is aware of his close to prostitution line actions.
Jawz- because of your age and inexperience I will try and understand your ageism ! And just so you dont have to look it up I have done it for you.
Ageism, also called age discrimination is stereotyping of and discrimination against individuals or groups because of their age. And to me that is just as offensive as racism and sexism. Who are you to put someone down, to categorize them as ” over the hill ‘ !! Do you really think that people have an expiry date and are worthless after that date? Do you not have grandparents of your own?
And what do you know about rape? You do a huge disservice and dishonour to any woman who has ever endured being raped by daring to compare someone who is talked to online as being ” emotionally raped” !!
I hope that when you get older and more experienced things you will learn that things are not as black and white as you might think that they are . I know that your callous comments are due only to your age.
“I understand age gaps when it comes to love, but, usually theyâre at a certain age that marks a certain âadult feelâ (some type of maturity).”
Re-read my first sentence before pulling age cards. I’m speaking against pedophilia and also controlled relationship situations (abusive). I’m sick of being criticized by adults for speaking against wrong things, and they pull a card to say I am wrong because I am young. The guy Feyma wrote about is clear-as-a-bell wrong. Period- no excuses.
Me and SEVERAL people my age have noticed something as well. I’m not talking about true romantic situations within age gaps (as I said I understand). I’m speaking against claimed love; abusive situations. I’ve been seeing adult men taking advantage of girls, and let themselves get taken advantage of. I’ve also heard it from men who were blind in that, and later called themselves stupid. I don’t speak from my own. I speak with observation of other people, and a clear knowledge of right and wrong. If someone has a large age gap, and is in love, good for them. If there is a gap, and there is no love, yet people wanna make claims… there’s a problem. I’m just sick of it.
*Note- I agree with your earlier comments that nothing is fully hurting anyone by what he does. He is just making an idiot out of himself. But I do not agree that its not hurting anyone fully. I see rights harmed in this. Why? The parents having control over the girl in someways, and the guy wooing the girl’s parents with his money. Its not a mutual understanding (if it was, oh well, their problems). The thing that I am becoming upset with is the rights of the girl being taken away. A controlled situation. I said ‘rape’ figuratively to say that he is trying to take control of her actions against her will (since her will is for the other boy). This isn’t about me hating on mutual agreements between and old guy and a young lady. Rather, it is me hating on the fact that people are trying to dictate others. I see prostitution as a part of it in someway.
Hi Jawz!
I am afraid that you will never win this debate with these guys as they are willing to ignore logic and morality in an effort to defend their lifestyle choices. You should know that your comments will always be attacked because of your age. Now if you were a teenage Filipina these same old men would be telling you how wise beyond your years you are. OMG I think that you might be a victim of not only racism but also ageism and genderism! Quick call the ACLU!
Tom- since I am the only person here taking jawz to task for his poison pen then obviously your remarks about ” these guys are willing to ignore morality in an effort to defend their lifestyle choices” is meant to refer to me . If you are referring to some other guy please tell me who that guy is !!
So now my friend you are making this discussion VERY personal. On what basis do you attack my morality and my lifestyle choices? Do you even know me? Do you know my lifestyle choices? The answer to both is NO- yet you are willing to publicly attack me . I have never once attacked jawz personally- nor his life style choice which he has discussed in detail- because i do NOT know jawz, and because i respect his decision to live his life however he feels comfortable with.
As i said to jawz i will go to extreme lengths to defend his posts, no matter how much i disagree, but when you – Tom Ramberg- start to attack peoples posts on a personal level then that is a whole different ballgame.
Sorry Ian if you took this as a personal attack. The first comment was not directed necessarily at you because I do not know or care about your relationships. The second comment about ageism might be applicable though. It seems a bit hypocritical that you will bemoan the fact that you feel slighted due to your age and then question a young man’s wisdom or observations using his age as a handicap. Regardless of which side of this debate you find yourself it should be agreed that this subject is quite interesting.
Tom- gotta agree with you 100% on that one my friend !! lol Nothing quite perks a day up quite so much as a little controversy !
As to my possibly being a bit hypocritical because i feel slighted due to my age- how did you possibly come up with that one ? lol The truth is that I am enjoying my age very much. I do however chastise people when I feel that their post is putting someone down- or is too general in notion – and maybe that is what you picked up on and thought i was talking about myself. I have made several comments questioning people blindly attacking all relationships where the man is with a very young girl- but in truth that is not my situation. I am not religious, but i would soundly challenge anyone who made a big deal out of jawz obvious religious notions. Not coz i agree with jawz’s choices, but because i dont think it is anyone elses business.
I am impressed by jawz [ again coz of his age !! haha see- it works both ways !] and look forward to his comments, no matter how little i agree with them. All i really wanted to say to jawz was that the world is not so cut and dry, not so black and white as he currently thinks it is, and that I encourage him to expand his mind. [ in my days we used LSD ! lol]
Hi Tom, I’d agree with you on your point made… but, I don’t think Ian is like that. I mean, I dunno his background. I think it was more of a misunderstanding of my post, rather than a full defense of the guy in Feyma’s blog.
Jawz- there is no way i would even attempt to defend the guy in Feyma’s block- because he sounds like a complete loser. But i do defend his right – or anyone else’s right- to act like a fool !
Yeah, that’s true. I don’t believe you’re making any defense for him. Just a post misunderstanding. Haha
Jawz- you say you are sick of being criticized for speaking against wrong things and also people saying you are wrong because you are young . YOu just dont get it do you Jawz? I would fight for your right to speak against almost anything at all- no matter how much I disagreed with what you said. I value freedom of speech a great deal. And I encourage you to keep stating your opinions here .
Also, I do not for one moment believe that you are wrong because you are young. In fact I mentioned your age only in your defence !!
What does bother me about your posts is your attitude! Your inflamatory remarks- that are soooo near sighted. . And which is set out by your own words- the hating on the fact that people are trying to dictate to others- because jawz that is exactly how you come across to me sometimes . You stress how much you are a Christian, but you dont seem to have very much Christian forgiveness or acceptance in your remarks about couples. The bottom line is , again as you yourself say- is that you have ” a clear knowledge of right and wrong” Unfortunately for the rest of us we have to make that decision on a case by case timing.
My remarks aren’t about dictation. I’m for separation of church and state, which means, I want people to follow their own morals under their own religions. Don’t apply it to the gov’t, that’s legalistic. However, I do remark on wrongs, but I’d be humble about it (as I have criticized people who just hate-hate-hate).
What upsets me badly about this is a human rights kinda thing. I dunno if you understood my post. What I am saying is that when a girl is under a certain age, she sometimes cannot think for herself (majority, rather than every girl -that’s how law is applied). And usually, there is a law that speaks for it. Sadly the law in the Philippines cannot deal with things all the time. When an old guy flirts up a girl under 18, she is being taken advantage of by either her parents and the guy, or the guy. If the parents are putting her under this, the law should deal with them. If it is the guy, then the law should deal with him- and not forget the laws about ‘pedophilia’. Its a matter of someone infringing on the rights of another who isn’t old enough to defend their selves.
Now if the girl is old enough, then that is something different. But still, there is a right trying to be taken away. The parents are clearly wrong, just as the man. It is something stupid, but oh well. What I think needs to be dealt with, is if the guy tries to take total control of the situation. This is why I call it emotional rape. His behavior comes off close to someone who is either a stalker, or an obsessive ‘fan’ (whatever you might call it). In this case, there should be something like a restraining order in play. If he gets up in her space, as well as her parents with his crap, I think the law should cut ’em off and leave her alone.
If this was all mutual, of course, it is stupid. But, those who do wrong and not take advice will get their own justice served- something the law doesn’t have to deal with.
Itâs a lot of work taking on the job of the âMorality Policeâ; I wonder if we substituted a wealthy twenty year old man in same situation, would the outrage be as high? The bottom line is the man and the family want this relationship, the girl in question seem like sheâs just not into him, and has chosen someone else. Now the girl must let her desires be known to all parties and stop accepting the money. Then the âMorality Policeâ can move on to more pressing subjects.
The old guy in this story is a fool. All he is “buying” (if he is gonna get it) is a body. But he will never get her love or her soul. Would he be happy with this? It is obvious he will not if he was already showing displeasure upon learning of the girl’s other younger boyfriend. Hope this will not end in disaster like Mr. Hunt and Jennalize.
Incidentally, I interviewed a 60 year old widowed (western) woman the other day. She was suffering from depression caused by loneliness and social isolation. She bemoaned to me that no one seemed interested in someone her age anymore. Not even men older than her! I had to refrain myself from telling her that it’s because they’re all heading to Asia to hook up with 20 something Asian women. It would be interesting to see if someone like her would be able to hook up a 20 or 30 something year old Asian man?
Hi Feyma – Seems like you’ve found a comment jackpot topic! Congrats! đ
It also seems as though there aren’t many comments about this type of social interaction that takes place in person, regardless of age gap, nationality, or whatever difference one can cite. One single can “play the field” just as well as another single (and sometimes the players are married, too).
The “game” has been played for as long as “players” have walked the earth. Both women and men play the roles of predator and victim. The stakes in the game range from a single flower to a luxury apartment plus auto. Age concerns are as numerous as the stars. Did I mention that game players aren’t necessarily loners, but are often have “alternatives” on the side?
The topic is hot, as I said! Brings a lot of judgment to light, too. Seems like there’s always a “dirty old man chasing sweet teen girl” story. Turn it around a little bit, and you have a “cougar being suited by a gigolo.” Same game is played between same aged players. Sometimes, both players have “alternatives” available. Taken to the extreme, there are groups who prey on others to set up robberies, assaults, etc.
My point? It isn’t just a 50+ year old guy and a 18- year old girl that “play the game.” Singling them out for whipping ignores all of those other combinations that are just as prevalent.
Just an observation from someone who was “in the game” a number of decades ago! đ
I agree with Ken L. – Best advice to “friend” is, “MYOB. Your friend may be interested in you and just making a substitution for the one that’s unavailable!”
looks like it was not just me that had to put up with a girl like that just llike my first wife very nice at first and when she got to australia she become a sl_t going out all night to clubs and a having sex with who ever she would meet i did give her a new life and a lovely place to live but all she ever wonted to do was have fun and as she was 24 andi 35 i hate night cluds so i would stay home it went on for 4 years and i left her and have not talk to her now for over 7 years as i am happy to say now plz all u men that would look for filipina take a long are look be for u get married and full in love as it hurt more and u wont to know when it happens like this so god bless u all out there and happy looking.. ok
from peter martin ps iam new married to the right filipina….
Peterjoy- in love, as in everything else, there are no guarantees! But your comment about how much you ” gave her – ie a new life and a lovely place to live” really makes me question what sort of relationship you expected, because it sounds to me like you thought you had bought her !! As the saying goes, sometimes we get what we deserve.
And there is absolutely nothing in the story Feyma relayed that in anyway makes this young girl out to be a slut, or having sex with whoever she would meet. All we were told was that she was in love with a classmate who presumably is her own age. In my opinion that does NOT make her a slut- it makes her normal.
hi Ian i was in love yes but no i did not think i had bought her she was my first love and the lifei did give her here was a lot bettter and the one there mate and two i did not say this girl here was a slut i was talking about my x ok think be for u say or ask me more plz iam just waiting to tell u the lot
from peter martin
The objection I have to threads like this is the haste with which some people rush to make moral judgements on the basis of precisely no reliable evidence. What is the basis of the thread? Third hand tsismis. Yet on nothing more substantial than that a man has variously been condemned as a fool, a loser, over the hill, an idiot, little better than a pedophile, dumb as a bag of rocks and all the rest.
Strangely enough, people do not always stick strictly to verifiable facts when they tell stories about others, especially if they don’t like them. Sometimes they embroider, they distort, they engage in outright fabrication. Only the gullible believe everything they read.
“It’s not our business mahal” is one of my partner’s frequent observations when I query some behaviour of our neighbours, “It’s up to them.” And very good advice it is too.
Ken- you are of course the voice of sanity in the storm. But if everyone was like you- what would we do for fun ?? lol
Enjoy your posts big guy !!
Feyma- this is off topic but I didnt know where to put it. There is a front page story today in the Vancouver Sun in Canada which talks about the opportunities in Canada to make a life there. The Philippines is now the no 1 home of new immigrants to Canada. One reason that filipinos find Canada so attractive is because unlike other countries where the filipino worker just gets a series of contracts Canada offers them a chance for permanent residency after working just 2 years.
http://www.vancouversun.com/Canada+draws+growing+number+Filipinos/3144467/story.html
another interesting article re inter country marriages
http://www.asianpacificpost.com/news/topnews/article/cupidâsquiverasiafilledcashandfalsehopes