I have come to the conclusion that I’ve been living in the Philippines long enough that I have actually forgotten some things about how it is to live in the States. I mean, I find it kind of amazing, though, that having lived 36 years of my life in the USA (I moved here at age 38, but lived two years during my childhood in South Africa), I could actually forget about how life is there.
You know, life in the Philippines is so different in some ways, and having been immersed in the Philippine way of living for more than 9 years now, my idea of how life is has started to become somewhat Filipino. I believe that one of the very most fundamental ways that life is different here is in the way that people treat each other. This is particularly true in how family members treat one another, especially how children treat their parents and other adults.
Recently, Feyma and I were flipping the channels looking for something to watch and entertain us on TV. We came upon a show on The Discovery Channel called “The Alaska Experiment.” We found it kind of interesting, and the show had started only a few minutes earlier, so we decided to watch it. The show was a series of 8 one hour shows that made up the entire series. The premise of the show was almost like a “Survivor” type reality show, but more of the real life than the fake stuff you see on most reality shows – this is the Discovery Channel after all. We enjoyed the show so much that we decided we would like to see the entire series. I checked some BitTorrent sites, and found that I could download the entire series, and did so. Over the next few days, we watched the entire series.
There were 4 or 5 sets of people. Some of them 2 in a group, some 3 in a group, who were sent to Alaska to live in the wilderness. They were given a very basic supply of food that would keep them alive for the 3 months that they would live in the wilderness, but they would have a very tough life if they didn’t go out and get their own additional food by either hunting, fishing or finding vegetables or fruits growing in the forest. For some of the people, they became quite good at providing for themselves, others were faced with one problem after another. The show was something that we found fascinating.
One of the most interesting parts of the show, for us, was watching how the people (all Americans) treated each other. One group was particularly interesting. There was an older retired man, probably in his mid-60’s, and two adult daughters who all went out on the adventure. The family was living in fairly cramped quarters, and soon began to get on each other’s nerves. We found it fascinating how these two adult children of the gentleman started treating their father quite rudely. The girls would fight with each other, and if the father tried to step in and help solve the problem, the two girls would team up against him. One of the girls said to her Dad, “Bite me, Dad.” Oh, my… Feyma looked at each other in amazement.
I started thinking to myself… “is this how American kids treat their parents?” Well, as I thought more about it, I realized that in many ways, yes, this is the type of relationship that American teens and adults have with their parents. At another time in the show, the father came inside from outdoors. He took off his boots and put them under a table. One of the girls did not like the way that the father had put his boots, she wanted them to be placed with toes facing toward the wall, which is different from how he did it. She started yelling at him about it. Here in the Philippines, if your parent did it a certain way you would either accept it the way it was done, or you might go move the boots yourself, but never yell at the parent about something that unimportant.
As I watched how the family and close friend relationships were playing out on this show, it really hit me that I have taken on a very Filipino attitude when it comes to human relations. I was truly shocked when I saw how these kids were treating their father. I thought to myself that I would never accept it if my kids treated me like that, and also that my kids simply wouldn’t do that anyway.
I like the way that interpersonal relationships work here in the Philippines. It is one part of my life that I think would be very hard for me to revert back to if I were to move back to the USA.
What is just as interesting was that the father tolerated this type of treatment from them. So who is really at fault the children who act out or the parent who tolerates it and makes them believe it is acceptable behavior.
Personally I would have taken my 1/3 of the food and hit the road.
well i grew up in a italian american immigrant house hold and we never never raised our voices to our parents the result would of ended up in a severe beating! the filipino household is simular maybe because of the catholic upbringing i dont know? but respect for your elders is number one and losing face is everything in my culture growing up its called brutta figura in italian the filipinos have the same thing about losing face respect is everything! and the father is the boss and the decision maker!
I don't think that behavior is the "norm" in the states, not to say people with that personality don't exist. If most people were that way it wouldn't be "entertainment" on TV.
Hi Tom – Sounds like you saw that show too? It was an interesting show. I was thinking the same thing about the father. Not only the girls were mean to him… they ate a lot of his share of the food while he was out working!
Hi mike – Very interesting, I wonder if Catholicism plays a role, as you suggest. The father on the show sure wasn't much of a boss, though…
Bob: one thing I’ve noticed in the RP is that the kids of OFWs are developing more American traits as a result of one or more parents being away. I see this in Becky’s nephew and absolutely in Juanito’s birth mother. The number of people leaving their kids behind combined with American TV and movies is starting to strain the social fabric of life here, and it shows in the kids. The kids are still far better behaved than most of their American counterparts, but I see it changing and not for the better. This was something that has troubled Rebecca since she moved back… She sees it in very stark contrast to the way she grew up.
Hi Bob – Believe me, you're not missing anything! 😆
Hi Paul – Ha ha… I do believe that!
Hi Bob,
I see this type of behavior everyday here! It can be in the store or on the street, the way some people behave [here] will make you sick! Like Paul mentioned above, you're not missing anything. On my way to work recently, a teenager was arguing with a female train conductor. The kid didn't have his proper school identification card to qualify for reduced fare. After the conductor told the teenager of the necessity of having proper identification, the fare was exchanged. Upon the conductor leaving to collect other fares, the teenager whispered quietly "that B****!" Can you believe it? Consider yourself lucky and/or blessed to not witness some of this activity.
Bob;
I was just looking at my facebook last week at some of the remarks my sisters children were saying to their mother. I was actually shocked at the words and these are christian families that were supposed to bring their children up the biblical way.I agree that the children here in the Philippines are more respectful to their parents and it amazes me especially looking at the backgrounds that most of these children come from.My inlaws had very little parental skills in raising all 11 of their children of which my wife is the middle child. They were allowed to do as they pleased in growing up, stay out as late as they wanted. Still though they love and respect their parents and siblings. What a wonderful country to live in!
Jerry
kamusta bob
i watched that show also and found it very interesting as well,i have 2 sons that are over 18 now and the younger son is very good to me but my older son is not so good.i try to talk to my older son as a friend but he always says im complaining to him.i told him i have lived most of these situations but it never helps.so i guess i have some same problems as the guy on the show.
filipinos have much better family and respectful traits for sure.
nice article my friend
salamat bob
Unfortunately, I think American family culture is going more and more in this direction. It is sad and it is scary.Want a job that will go away no matter what happens to the economy? Work in a nursing home where many elderly Americans are placed by their kids, even when they just need minimum care and attention. I believe it is partly because the parents didn't expect or require respect, even when the kids were small, and often treated their teens as equals, or they were given little advice, attention and correction. Often this has happened because the parents have married and remarried and the kids have taken the backseat to the parents dating and love life. Of course not all families are this way, but as I look around, things are really slipping.
On the other hand, I see young adults who grew up pretty rootless trying to do it right with their own families. It is hard, having poor models, and the model seen on American TV, even the one uyou watched, is lousy. But they are trying!
I appreciate so much the respect shown to elders in Filipino homes! Every human society has its problems, but I feel I have gained much from being part of Filipino society, and so have my kids.
Hi Bob,
Someone once said,"If you have disrespectful children and cannot understand why". "The parents should take a long hard look in the Mirror".I feel there is a lot of truth in those words.
regards Chas.
Hi Jerry – It's quite amazing, don't you think? I do enjoy seeing the respect that Philippine kids show to their elders. And, did you notice it is not only to their parents, but the show deference to any adult. It is quite refreshing.
Hi RonW – One thing about kids, even if they are already adults… as time passes and they encounter the situations that we have already experienced, soon they will understand that "hey, old Dad did know what he was talking about!"
Hi AmericanLola – I think that people like you and I have a big advantage. As you said, you have gained a lot, or learned a lot from living in Philippine society. For us, we get the advantage of having been exposed to more than one society or culture, and we can judge what the good things are in each, and adapt them into our own personal culture. Discard the bad from each, and keep the best of both worlds! It doesn't get much better than that!
Hi Chas – As soon as I read the first line, I saw the second line coming! Very good, very wise. And, absolutely true.
HI Bob! I would like to think that catholicism does play a big role in the way Filipinos discipline their children. From my own experience, it makes a a whole lot of difference when parents do not tolerate their kids' misbehaviors, but at the same time, showering them with love, encouraging them and communicating with them. All rules and no relationship, I think, does not work.
Hi Cathy – Oh, they shower the kids with love in the USA too. Problem is… no rules! The Philippine culture seems to have a nice balance of love, but within the rules too. It's a nice experience. Hope you have a good day today, my friend!
Hi Bob
I'm not commenting on your write up so much as informing you of a couple of bit torrents you might like.Ray Mears Extreme survival, this is an SAS officer who treks the harsher parts of the world showing how the locals survive etc, there is also a series he did called Ray Mears Bushcraft. The others you might like are by the brother of Richard Attenborough, David Planet earth it was a series produced by the BBC, "ok I made copies of this series for my girlfriend to take into school in negros" she tells me the kids loved it so I hope the BBC dont mind me Pirating it. If you havent seen them before Bob I think you would enjoy them
hope your all keeping well there!
Dave
I didn't see the show (stopped watching TV years ago) but I see that behavior and much worse daily. I think our society has done itself irrepairable harm in the last generation, to the family and the way we view and treat other human beings. Unfortunately we are exporting a lot of that with our culture too. I think it will get worse before it gets better. I agree with Lola though. Especially with young people, no matter their background, they will try to turn their face to the sun even if they dont know where the sun is. It's the instinct for heathy body and mind and by extension society.
I knew 25 years ago that if I had a choice, I would not raise my kids here in the US. As it was I had step kids and I spent much of our time on damage control, at times it was all I could do. It would have been nice to see them come of age in a place where you love people and use things rather than love things and use people (it's the thing balikbayans know but are silent about when they visit home).
Now that I'm on my own I'm able to make that choice for healthier surroundings so don't be surprised Bob, if you get an invite from me to go for coffee or something in the future.
Lola, it would be nice to see your column again. Your language lessons and insights into Philippine culture were great, TY.
Io Bob, as i tried to comment on dave's article as well but i guess the internet gods are not in my corner lately but it had to do with family relationships as i experienced growing up in a family that was not close for any number of reasons individual development in our futures our own family's or careers we just were not close that does't mean i didn't have respect for my elders though quite to the contrary i am very proud of the accomplishments of my family ie. my father who was a decorated wwII war hero that went on to leave his mark on society by inventing several items we still use today (edge shaving cream can,plastic ham can with the pull top,fire extinguisher system on board the NASA space craft, zip lock baggies etc.) as well as my hero brother who was one of the first firefighter/paramedics in chicago and retired after being a consultant on the movie backdraft. Proud yes close no we all just went our way and thats what really attracted me to my wife now was the closeness of her family and the ties. It feels like i have a second chance to have a close family so in essence i am reliving my childhood the way i always wanted it to be …. do over … 🙂
Hi HNW – I'll be looking forward to that coffee invitation! 😀 I enjoyed hearing your observations!
Hi Tommy – I never knew that your family were such a talented bunch! Too bad that you guys didn't develop a closer relationship, though. I hope that your time here in the Philippines will help you develop some close family ties with your new family!
Kamusta ka Bob,
Bob, I see this each and every day…just take a trip to the supermarket here in West Palm Beach, especially now that the kids here are on summer vacation. The way these kids talk back to there parents is unbelieveable, now for those who take this the wrong way, its NOT every child in the USA, that does this. I know if I had ever acted that way towards my father or mother, or any adult, I would not be walking this earth right now..my father would had made sure of that. Believe me, my parents weren't real tough disciplinarians, but they they didn't take too much foolishness from us kids, and didn't tolerate bad behavior, and taught us respect, family values, and morals.
This is another reason, for wanting to raise Chesca, and my future children in the Philippines, and Rose agrees with this. She has a few relatives and friends now living here in USA, and see's how different it is here, family values just aren't the way they use to be, its a fact. Again, I am not saying this is true for every American family, but the majority of families today have the parents both working full time jobs, there children come home to a empty house, most of the time with no adult supervision for hours.
They sit there and play video games or watch tv shows, movies, or listening to music they probably shouldn't be watching or listening to. Not going to talk about who's blame this is..just wanted to point this out, and that it does happen here in the USA, and is getting worst.
I enjoy sitting down when I can with my room mate and her children, it gives us a sense of family here. The one thing we do try to do since I moved in with them, is to sit down at the breakfeast, lunch and dinner table together..of course it doesn't happen each day..but we try. Also, during the summer, they won't be sitting in front of the boob tube for hours and hours, they will be reading a book for a couple of hours each day, or getting tutored in a subject there not great at, as well as doing there chores after they wake up in the morning.
Well, I guess I could keep going on and on..but you get the gest of my comments….I miss the good ole days, simpler times, and the respect given to adults and family members.
Salamat kaayo,
Danny 🙂
PS. When I first moved to Florida, I went fishing on one of the piers down here, I was fishing minding my own business, and this kid about 7 or 8 years old was casting crazy around everyone, getting lines tangled and things like that. Nobody said anything, so I did, I asked him nicely "To move down the way some, and fish in one place". That little boy cussed me up one side the pier and down the other, that kid could have made a sailor blush. Then he asked me for a cigarette….these kids today.. 🙁
I spent my formative years in the Philippines so I can share my personal experiences. Catholicism had very little to do, at least for me, with discipline. It was my parents explaining what is right and wrong at a young age. Us kids will always try something new, but my parents would almost always undo "negative" behaviors before they become permanent. We were constantly reminded to respect the elders and peers. Parents taught us how to behave when there is company at home. We were taught to read their eyes and facial expressions so that they can communicate with us and avoid embarassment. The first class that everyone took in the morning was called GMRC which stands for Good Manner and Right Conduct. I think GMRC is still taught today. The greatest motivation for my parents wanting well disciplined and educated kids was that they wanted to be seen positively by their townmates.
Hi Danny – Your PS explained everything in your comment very clearly. We all want to avoid having kids like that on on the fishing pier! In the Philippines, I have never seen a kid like that. I saw plenty in the USA though!
I think a kind of aggressive atheism is on the move certainly in Europe and maybe making headway in the USA also. This is encouraging the kids to question all authority and ideas of right behaviour.
The 'Who SAYS SO?' position. So I think the strength of religion in the Philippines must help with the Good Manners Right Conduct side of things. In the UK good behaviour seems to be under constant and deliberate attack via the media, especially British t.v.
Hi John – YES! Absolutely. I have written about this before too, but it's been a while. The OFW situation is, in my opinion, tearing apart Filipino Culture at the seams. The TV is babysitting the children of these overseas workers, just as the US society has become since the 70's. Unfortunately, I firmly believe that the culture of the Philippines can, and probably will follow the same path.
Hi jonaky – I believe that what you say is very true. Not only is good manners questioned, and the "who says so" is heard. Next you hear "who decided that x is good manners, I think that y is good manners instead." All the while, y is the exact opposite!
hi bob,
here is my take on that issue, catholism or any religion has a very little part on it, it is more of cultural thing than anything else, looking at how family works in an asian country, you would find many countries done the same thing similar to the philippines, japanese people respect their elderly, the thais, the indians, the chinese, the malaysian and indonesian, of course not all asian countries like that but majorities are.
the so called "equality" in western countries has a draw back, there must be a fine line between "equality" among people and respect towards the elders.
we looked at our elderly as a source of great wisdom, debt of gratitude towards the parents also plays a big role, majority of filipinos always look back to their parents and appreciates them. there is an old saying "ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makakarating sa paroroonan"
Translation: "He who does not look back at where he came from will not reach his destination." (correct my translation please)
Kuya Bob,
One factor I guess is having a broken family. Even here in Philippines most of the kids are rebellious if they came from a broken family.
Hi dans – I like that saying! You know, I believe that we are all created equal. But, as life passes, we are no longer equal. At birth we are all at the beginning of the journey of life, and we start at the same place. As life passes on, some of us (the older ones) have traveled further down the road and gained more wisdom. Those who have traveled the road can tell those at the beginning of the journey a thing or two of what to watch out for on the way. That is why they are a little more equal than those at the beginning of the journey!
That's my view!
Yep, that's the one.
hi bob,
you know what bob, your views are shared by a common filipino, we treat our elders and parents with great respect not because they are old but because of what they achieved in life, we owe our parent a great debt of gratitude for norturing us, they have the great wisdom passed down to us and most importantly the pure love we have for them.
Hi Philmor – I think that may be a key in the difference too, because there are certainly a lot more broken families abroad too!
Hi Bob….
I am with the majority….our North American culture is changing rapidly and not for the better.
There are 2 parent working families now….parents are feeling guilty for not spending time with the kids and then give them everything
parents are so tired when they come home the kids walk all over them and the parents are just too tired to crack down on them.
The parents want everything right now and will work long hours to get what they want just to keep up with the Jones'es
Kids being kids will always test their boundarys but I swear..
to this day everytime I wash my dishes by hand and I smell the dish soap ….I can still taste it!!!! I got my mouth rinsed out with soap more than a few times for talking back to my Mom.
My Mom had this razor strap in the drawer beneath the cutlery drawer….she was an artiste with that strap let me tell you….never left a mark but WOW did she make it sting!!!!!
I was a bit hardheaded and it took a couple of sessions for me to hear her message…..my brother was a bit smarter than me. Once was enough for him.
I truly think that because of my stubbornness I needed this type of persuasion to help me see my MOM's way of thinking.
She was subtle too…..I ran down the hallway in a huff one day and slammed my bedroom door HARD. When my dad came home from work she had a quick word with him and my door was removed….for 2 weeks!!!!
So I had my little brother and his friends sitting in the hallway gawkking at me in my room and there wasn;t thing one I could do about it!!!!!!!
I have NEVER slammed a door since then!!!!!!
One of the things I am so proud of repeating when my friends ask me "how was the Philippines???" "why do you want to move there??"
I tell them that you can walk around anywhere in the Philippines and see VERY well behaved children (a few exceptions of course) polite teenagers and courteous adults…what's why!!!!
Bob,
I agree, in America kids are getting an attitude early. Part is the way parents have raised them. Many families have both parents working and give kids too much freedom. Parents bribe their kids to leave them alone with gameboys and games for them. Even parents with younger kids put them in front of the TV and run cartoon videos to keep them occupied for hours. I heard of a parent when asked their young teen son to vacuum the living room and the kid replied "Who do you think I am, your slave, hire a F___ing maid."
Here I see many kids getting similar attitudes. I never see a misbehaving child reprimanded. You see kids out playing all hours of the night. Yes they do their chores but then just go out. I have heard of many houses where older teens argue with parents and do what they want.
Again I see the poorer the family, the more respect there is at home and the better off Filipino family the kids just being spoiled.
Hi Bruce – As I read your comment, when I got to the part about the Philippines, I have to say, I was really disagreeing with you. Disagreeing strongly too. But, then when I read the last paragraph, you brought it home, and I was in full agreement. Oh yes… many of the rich kids here are spoiled brats, not much different from the US kids. Not only that, the rich parents seem to think that their kids are "entitled" to behave that way – the family has money after all!
Luckily, very few people here are rich, though! 😉
Bob,
Yes your right about the "entitled" rich. But I also see here a "new money" attitude. Men who are not rich, but think they are successful spoiling their kids now.
Even my girls, thinking of themselves as "Adults" but still the less mature than their American counterparts doing their chores but with looks of disdain when asked.
Here in Alaska you get alot of broken families. Kids are left to raise themselves and become "feral". The entitlement mentality runs strong here and the biggest problems I have are with teenagers/young adults. They think they can just wander into the cannery grounds at any time of night and do whatever they want. When I tell them otherwise I get called some pretty vile names. Haven't had to call the police yet but it's coming, someone will take it too far and I'll have to have them arrested for tresspassing. Most nights it's a mercy to reach 4am because all evil ceases at that time, I can finally sit down, light up my pipe and take a rest from chasing drunk teens around.
Hi Bruce – In my family, I don't see the sense of entitlement in most of my nephews and nieces. I have seen it in some, but only a couple.
Hi brspiritus – ah, I can just see you relaxing with that pipe post-4am! 😀
Hi Bob,
I have a friend here who came and went to work as asst teacher, she didnt last two weeks on the job and quit. All she said was, kids are spoiled rotten, it dont help that the parents thought their children are well behaved angels that wont harm a fly. then there's this other friend who raised her two daughters on dual cultures since theyre half filipino and half american. Theyre well behaved but they still get what they want on a promise of good grades. It worked as far as i can see. So i can say the way you parent a child comes out on the way your child behave.
I know when i was still there helping out with my nieces and nephews upbringing, it only takes me to look at them with stright eyes and eyebrows up,and they stop literally on their tracks, esp. when theyre on the verge of a tantrum. The look means, you wait until we get home. Bob did you notice, a filipino family will take their children out of a church or a mall or restaurant when they think the child is gonna misbehaved? Here in the states, i noticed (not all but a lot) will just try to facify or scold them in front of everybody? or literally ignore them.
Bob I have a couple of thoughts on this. I initially would speak my mind politely but sometimes forefully to Marlou and her son in public-bad idea. I quickly learned that any comments that I have that are negative are done in private never in public. I should have known that and I have changed my ways-it makes for a happier week if you know what I mean. Teaching in an urban public school I see so many different levels of what your alluding to in your article. The majority of my students are great-work hard, respectful, etc… There is a small group however that make me wonder about the future-for them and us. I heard a discussion on the radio coming to work this morning that talked about family dynamics. The commentator stated that parents spend more time in front of a television or computer screen than they do talking or interacting with their children or for that matter the other spouse. The times are changing and I know that I appreciate my families Filipino culture more every day.
i believe it has something to do with the catholic up bringing because i notice simularitys in the filipino children and the italian american children i grew up with in my family and old niebourhood,the respect level is everything.plus you are held accountable there is corparol punishment in the filipino schools just like there used to be in the usa when i grew up!if you get a smack across the butt or worse you think about acting up before you do something!
Bob I will say what others are thinking.
YES Cathlocism is the answer. Just donate money to the Cath Church and your kids will turn out fine, if ther start misbehaving just increase the amount you donate and they will straighten righ out.LOL
If your kids treat their parents disrespectful perhaps the parents did not do their job properly.
This is getting another great discussion Bob.
My two pence worth about this matter is that there are too many things in the Western world working into the childrens minds. Not only tv or internet, but also the bad influences from their friends is a huge debet in the attitude problems from the youngsters.
Further I do agree with those who tell that the parents in the Western world don`t give enough time to their offspring. Children do need love, they do need discipline, but also they need their parents to teach them right from wrong.
In Asia there are many families, who raise their children in an "old fassion way", but who tells me that this way doesn`t work better then the way parents live nowadays when it reflects to their children? It doesn`t help to give the children whatever they ask as long as the parents are left alone.
We`re all born to learn from our mistakes, but we all need our parents to tell us what are mistakes at younger age and when parents don`t have the time or energy to teach their kids, they will learn from others.
Respect the elderly for the things in life they have learned and teach the youngsters.
Regards,
Adrie.
Hi Again Bob
I am getting quite addicted to LIP now,Ive been reading a few comments about the kids and parent thing. I cannot obviously speak for America (as i'm British) here we have kids as young as 12 who are alcoholic's, I have heard all the possible reasons as to why these kids are like they are! for me it isnt about the disipline of religion or the disipline in school all too often we pass the owness of responsibility, for me the overriding cause of the fall in disipline is the reflection of society itself, too much emphasis these days is placed on the need to be successful and affluent, it starts with both parents having careers, the kids in a lot of families are lucky to ever see both parents together, so manipulation is born.link this with the fact that our children dont seem to get time to be children, so starts the lack of disipline
when you evntually find two like minded kids, there becomes a competition between them to see who is the most unruly and before long you have the gang culture evolve, I believe one thing that should be included in society everywhere is Kid time, yes being a divorced parent myself I know that this will be "shall we say awkward" but when ever I have my children visit we communicate and do things that they are interested in.The other thing more parents should learn is that kids have views too and if their views dont count then disipline wont count to them.It is a little like learning cultures we have to accept that our views are not always the views of others, there is middle ground and with reason solutions can and will be found.
Dave Sadler
Hi Tom – Would have been interesting!
Hi mike – But, how can you account that people of other religions also are have kids that are well behaved?
Hi Adrie – Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Makes sense to me.
Hi Dave – No doubt that the problems with the kids are stemming from societal problems. It is too widespread for it to be anything else.
and another thing to watch out for in the states is if the kids cry "child abuse " then child welfare come in ..and you go to jail ..now what do you do .It takes a long battle to get the kids back again ..and kids know that they can do it ..Phil n Jess
Hi Phil – Unfortunately, in the States the child services people have become a big part of the family life now, and not always for the welfare of the kids in the long run!
I've worked in a hosp so I get to observe americans. Most respect their parents as much as Pinoys respect theirs. Ok, they are adults in a place where they should behave. But still, I am not ready to make the same observation that most have here. Coz I see parents here demand good manners from their children as well, the same thing most parents demand there & anywhere else I think.
There's good and bad about each culture. An american child is trained to be assertive and if that includes "talking back" to parents, that's just the necessary evil of nurturing children to be articulate. Most pinoy kids are reprimanded to even reason out to parents. Ask most pinoy kids and more often than not, they are timid unlike the articulate american kids.
Roy – you make a good point here. Very good one that is somewhat hidden. We Americans like to see the behavior of the Filipino kids. They are polite to adults. They don't question adults, or talk back. Yet, we (many of us) don't like it that they kids are not taught to think for themselves or question things that are wrong. Well, it's a two way street. You hit that nail right on the head, Roy.
hi bob
i grew up here in america. when i was a teenager i could see that america was not a good environment to have children. now that i am married, i have not changed my mind. added to my first observation is lack of family unit support that is so important to the welfare and well being of a child.
maria
Hi maria – I tend to agree with your assessment, although I also concede that roy made a good point on the other side too.
Bob
That donating comment was a Spoof on the whole relating the Catholic religion to how your kids turn out. Im a bit bitter towards the whole Cath Church ways so you will have to excuse the off color humor!!
Quality time with your Kids usually = Quality Kids with good Morals and Character.
Sit down as a family and eat supper together every Night, it went along way in our household.
Sit down on the weekends and play Table Games with the family also worked out in our house as well.
Just my 2P worth. Peace
No doubt in my mind Adel and Arie got it spot on. I have practiced those principals with my four kids and thankfully I have been on easy street so far. What may happen in the future I cannot tell, until I reach that bridge then I will cross it.
As far as the kids here in the Pines go, well I am impressed by the way the most of the kids behave here, so refreshing.
Hi Bob,
Great observations. They seem to be timeless observations as well. Here's a quote from an American teacher who was in the Philippines from about 1902 till 1904:
"Serious misbehavior on the part of the school
children that I knew was so rare that the question
of discipline was one that required very
little attention. Like children everywhere,
their natural activities sometimes brought
upon them childish trouble ; but they were universally
respectful and obedient. The American
who has any sympathetic feeling whatever
for children soon feels strangely drawn
toward them ;"
And another spot-on quote:
"In the homes, while the children are never unduly repressed, they do not appear so much in the foreground as our American children, and the forwardness, pertinence and lack of respect, which, alas, are frequently in evidence with so many young Americans, are never seen. In our tutoring of Filipinos, let up hope that we shall not too completely "Americanize" their children."
As witnessed over 100 years ago by an American teacher in the Philippines.
Hi rc – thanks for your observations. the quotes from the American teacher are very old, but still very applicable!
I believe the greatest problems started right after WWII. The country was growing so fast, and the auto made it easy to move out of town to new, and affordable homes. We began to commute with one person in the car to work in the city. The hiway system grew, and grew. Jobs appeared all over the country which was reason to further move away. All the while seperating grand parents from grand children, and this is our mistake.
Everything was fresh, and new. A new way of thinking of how to succeed in the terms of money. This was the first division of family. An extended family is so important to parenting. It gives you a break. The kids get a different kind of nurturing from grand parents than what parents offer. The wisdom of been there, and done that with a soft word cannot be replaced. Here also begins the end of respect for the elderly.
TV, and ads selling to youth, and about youth. Little by little tv's influence of sex. Yes unfortunately it started with those daily soaps. Oh the titillation, and gossip. Those that followed acted as if these people were family, and friends. Little by little what at one time was forbidden was taken for granted. Ricky, and Lucy didn't even sleep together, and how long did it take to just show the bedroom? Then along came ALL IN THE FAMILY.
It has been a very small angle on this slippery slope, but it is slippery. One small example for those in their 50's would be MTV. It use to actually be about the music, and now it's not much more than a peep show.
Very slowly we have gone from a family unit including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and now it is not unusual for a grand parent to not meet the grandchild for years. How can the family be held together with 2 working parents, and no immediate family living close by, as in the neighborhood?
So this brings the latch key kid. Living on their own with no rules. The politically correct, and Dr. Spock saying you have to be your child's friend. Don't spank them it will phycologicaly damage them. Unfortunately sometimes a child does need a spank. Not a beating, but a spanking. Out the window goes the discipline. Out the window goes any fear of being caught doing wrong.
Unfortunately no one can see into the future with absolute clarity. We thought we were doing good, and headed into the right direction, but only recently has the product of our mistakes shown it's ugly head…..DISRESPECT
As a parent you do not need to become the child's friend. Their classmates are their friends. You need to nurture, be a mentor, a guide in life's questions, to be strong with a gentle heart. When you tell them no tv for days. Do not change the rule. You change the rule, and they will not understand where the line is drawn. Stick to your decisions. I think Americaq grew up just too damned fast with little thought of the future……i2f….John
Hi John – You certainly have a pretty in depth analysis of the situation there, and I am in agreement with much of it.