I just wanted to write this story because it really is a big problem by some family here in the Philippines. Last week a cousin of mine arrived from Luzon. This is the first time in my life meeting her. She already heard of me through her brother who came here middle of last year. Their dad is the oldest child out of 7 children in my mom’s side of the family. Before my grandfather passed away in the mid 70’s I used to see my uncle almost every year. My uncle and my grandfather had a close relationship with my dad because my dad was really honest and respectful to them. My dad was the one who took care of my Lolo if he ever had problems with his land.
A few months ago my uncle died of a stroked. Before his death he always tells his kids to come to our province in Sarangani and get connected with the family and also get the share of the land that they have not even had a share for over 30 years. The kids of my uncle didn’t pay much attention at that time because my uncle and his wife were working on the land that was owned by the family of his wife, somewhere up north of Manila. Out of curiosity his youngest son really came here to Mindanao. He did come here last year and tried to claim what property belongs to them. I was happy that he did.
Well, at first he had a warm welcome from my cousins who live in Sarangani Province. Later when my cousin from Luzon wanted the share that belongs to his dad my cousins from Sarangani talked him out of it, try to forget the 30 years that they didn’t give anything. My cousin from Luzon said that he wished he could do that. It was agreed upon by his siblings before he his coming to GenSan that he will get the share that they didn’t get for 30 years. So he told my cousins from here that he wanted to get if and even if they will pay him slowly. I guess my cousins from here can’t come up with the money they just pointing fingers to each other. Some of my mom’s siblings live in Cebu City, Lanao Del Norte, Luzon, GenSan and some part of Sarangani Provice. One of the sibling in Sarangani Province should be the one taking care of the land, but the youngest sibling and her husband really got greedy and wanted all the share of the land. The husband would even scare my other aunt from Lanao when they come for a visit and wanted to get their share. When my mom was still in good health she would always say to the greedy aunt and her husband to give the share of the brothers and sisters. They just laugh and think they can get away with it. With my cousins now from Manila that come to get their share my greedy aunt and her husband were asking my sister what to do because they know they are in trouble. My sister told them to give what belongs to the sibling.
Last week when I saw my cousin she was really crying when we talked, she told the family in Sarangani that we should be hugging and loving each other instead of fighting. While my cousin was here at our house, I guess she got a call from the family from Sarangani that they have to see each other at the barangay hall to talk more with the barangay captain to resolve the issue. Well, her brother and some of my cousins and 2 of my siblings went to see the barangay captain. While my cousin from Manila was talking and telling my cousin that they will just get part of the 30 years. My cousin from Luzon were not even finished talking yet, one of my cousin from Sarangani slugged the cousin from Luzon in the face. My sister was really mad at my cousin from Sarangani. She told them that they really make themselves in more trouble now. I just could not believe what my other cousin has done just over money. Now my cousin from Manila told my sister that she is thinking of filing a case against some of my cousin from Sarangani. I told my sis I don’t blame the cousin from Luzon for that. They came here nicely, they should be treated nicely and fairly.
I wished my other aunt and uncle followed what was written in the papers that they all agreed upon a long time ago. This might not have happened. It’s really sad and disgusting. Just to be fighting to the point as if killing each other for just a small portion of the land.
Did anyone has similar problem? Any advice is really appreciated!
same problem in my wifes famiily. Who is to split up the land after grandfaters land in the next island. He didnt split it up before his death and now everyone wants a piece. I think it could take decades to make ithe cuts.
In some families, land is like a drug (like shabu) and family members will do anything to get and keep that land. Legal or illegal, makes no difference to the land adict.
Our family shares your family's sad story. Land disputes are frequent, involve local government officials, and sometimes end in assaults. Hope all gets better for all of us.
Hi Feyma, I just will pray for you and your family, that everything will be fine., That's the only thing I can do – but as you know, I am a very Christian and I experienced that prayers help also in many of my own 'cases and problems'… God bless you!!!
Hi Bob , when my mother in law died in December , her family phoned her and she goes there .
2 days beforeCristmas it was difficult and expensive to get a ticket .
When she arrived she had to pay for everything , and i tell you
it was much.
But anyway, while she was still there , her niece's allready start fighting
over the small house [ that we built ] my father in law is living in.
And i must say they are the one's who is not working , and up to now
2 of them do not want to leave the house .
And then i heard of the land , my father in law owns.
I did not know of that before. His grandchildre now wants him to sell it
and share with him.
But i can not agree with that .
For 20 years now , we [ i ] paid for everything , because i thaught
they had nothing at all.
So it's only when he dies that i want them to sell and claim allso a share for my wife.
And i give allso less than before, then our last holiday [ Juli 2007 ] i saw
that some of her brothers have TV , washing machine , fridge ,
motorcycle and the whole family hass cell-phone.
But untill now every week somebody phones asking for money .
But now i stopped that .Wonder what happens when he allso died ?
Hi Don – Gosh, thats the one thing that the ancestors forget to leave any "will" to the people they left behind. My goodness even those people are just related through marriage wanted some piece of it. What a shame!
Hi Paul – Sorry to hear about you guys problems too. Just be careful though. Those people don't really care about others, they just had the big money sign on top of their head. 🙁
One of my cousin is employed right now at the government office in the province, so he thought he can get away with it. His wrong though, because I had lots of cousin that will fight for it too.
Hi Klaus Doring – Thank you for the prayers. Thats the best weapon we have all along. I really hope that God will enlightened the mind of my cousins.
Hi Anton – Thank you so much sharing your family dilemma too. I do hope your wife's family will realize soon the sacrifices you guys made for them. God Bless!.
Hi Feyma,
The same thing happens here in the USA, except, usually there is a will involved. Even with a will intact, family disputes will erupt. This has never happened in my family. But I have had friends who have went through this problem as well.
This sounds like a problem that will last a long time and I hope for your families sake, that it is done in a civil way..and no violence.
I wish the best to you and yours,
Danny 🙂
G'day Feyna.
The same case did happened to my family (on my father side) back in 1997 ( my dad died)..paper chasing, time and effort.agony, .and as far as I heard now it is only the lawyer who gained at the end..( My hubby moved me away as fast as he could…Me just this closed to get nasty 😈 ). ..My family turned our back almost just right at the start and move on..Guess what who got bad karma at the end..What goes around comes around..
Believe me I proved now as to what the saying means;
I cannot choose my relatives..Thanks God I can choose my friends.. 😉
One thing is for sure.. when it comes to the decision maker regarding to inheritance…Everything should had been put in order for the living..It is not morbid to put things in order..it is for peace for everybody…
They were still sometimes that believe me I still heard it to others comment regarding to inheritance like this statement;
Let them kill each other when I am gone..after all it just go to them anyway.. 😈
Where is the responsiblity on this? 🙄 😕
Everybody will be tired at the end of the day..and hopefully it will smooth up things..Everything is just amatter of time… 🙂
Wow sounds like the states Feyma . Everybody wants a piece of the action.. when my wifes mom died she left some land to the kids and my wife is responsible for the land , the land is worked and is in coconuts and other fruits .. half wanted to sell for the money and half didn't and only my wife can sell it . my wife has complete control for the family so it is up to her what happens to the land ….so like u we will see what happens .her uncle is chief of the tribe ,king of the mountain and it is his decision if something happens , and from what i understand he supersedes the government on tribal laws ..so far so good …Phil.R.
Hi Feyma. Inheritance is one of those myths for good intention and almost invariably the results end up bad for the beneficiaries.
How many times do we hear inheritors quit schools because they are already set for life anyway so what's the point? How many going for 'fine photography' or expensive hobbies because there is no need to make money, although they are not good at these endeavours and end up eating all their inherited wealth? How many drink their life away? etc., etc…
For me, inheritance is a disabler and not an enabler. Inhertance hinders the inheritor to develop his God-given gift of talent to contribute to humanity.
Wealth management should include giving away ones wealth while one is still alive. I agree with the idea that it's really irresponsible to leave wealth for the living to quarrel on.
Give or spend everything away and die with nothing left.
Somebody said that you are an excellent wealth manager when you issue your last check to zero balance to the utility company at your deathbed . You are a superior one if that check bounces when you already six feet under the ground 😉 .
Hi Danny – Yeah, that's the big difference from here to the US. Most people there have will mostly they honor though. I know theirs some disputes but not as much as here.
I think this is a lifetime problem. Our ancestors intentions was to leave wealth so that the next generation would have better life, instead it created problems at the end.Oh well, part of life I guess!
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Hi Jocelyn – Good for you on turning your back on that. Not worth going to such trouble. That's one thing I don't one to get involve because I might say something to them that I will regret later. My goodness fighting for just a small amount of land is ridiculous. Honestly, the family that gets a hold of the land their life is not even really better. I felt they are really struggling to survived. Like you said "bad karma"
I hope the family will find peace at the end. And realize its not worth killing each other for.
Thank you so much for your comment! I appreciate very much!
Hi Phil R.- Good that your wife's family listened to her. I'm happy for you guys. Just curious when you said that her uncle is a tribal leader, from what tribe is she from? Is she from Mindanao?
Thank you so much for dropping by! Good luck to you and your wife.
Hi Dr. Sponk Long – Wow, really its so tempting to do what you have said. Leave nothing. But I can't do that Bob and I had one child that really he can't hold a job for life. We mention here in our site before that our first born is a special child. We would want him to have better life if Bob and I dies. We already have few family that we can trust in taking care of him.
Do you think you would do that at the end what you just said? I won't blame you for it. Everyone of us had different opinion.
Thank you so much for your comment! Good luck to you!
Hi Feyma,
This is an interesting story, and, as you say, a not uncommon one in the Philippines. However, I have a different take on it; Why the 30 year wait? I would guess that the claimant is now broke, for whatever reason. But the fact remains that for THIRTY YEARS, they didn't stake their claim, probably for the reason that it seemed insignificant and they couldn't be bothered. Now if I was the one who had taken care of and farmed that land, brought up my family on it etc. etc., and someone decided out of the blue that after THIRTY YEARS they wanted a bit of it, I know what I'd be saying, and it's not "no problem here's a slice of my wealth I've been developing and looking after for all these years!"
Now please don't misunderstand me, I certainly don't condone violence, and your cousins behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances, but his anger most certainly is understandable.
I think it's the Philippine law that is a problem here actually; it should be that if someone who is aware of his or her right, but fails to make a claim within say, six months to a year, forfeits that right
I know that if you live on a portion of someone else's land in the philippines, without a rental agreement, then after a period of time, like ten years I think, that you then have an ownership claim on that portion of land. Surely that can be worked in reverse.
Yes, this will take more than twenty years to sort out through the philippine legal system, and as one of your correspondents says, the beneficiary's will be the lawyers, and almost certainly ONLY the lawyers.
I'm inclined to favour a "Judge Judy" style declaration on this one: "You waited thirty years and you blew your chance thirty times over. Case dismissed"!
Hi Feyma,
Similar situation happened to me – the main reason I was not inclined to go back home for almost 3 decades. 🙁
Before leaving the country in the early 70’s, I purchased a couple of rice plantations. I chose my nephew, only 9 mos. younger than myself to take care of the properties, not expected to give me anything from the harvest while I’m abroad.
When both my parents passed on in the late 70’s, 2 years apart, I couldn’t make it back – life was tough then and had just opened my first business. To make the story short, my sister who took care of my parents while they were in deathbed urged me to sign off my portion of the inheritance to her. No problem!! I had her sent me a certified Power of Attorney to seal my signature. However, in the same document, also listed, were the two rice plantations that I bought with my own money – I was NOT PLEASED, but signed the papers anyway. My nephew was now upset with me, had tried to explain of the situation with no avail. I did something unforgivable.
So, there you are, Feyma. Inheritance has a tendency to separate us from our loved ones. Hope ‘things’ will get resolved peacefully between your families. My main objective nowadays is to sleep peacefully without guilt whatsoever. 😀
Take care…
Just a quick correction on typo of the dates – in the late 80's when my parents passed on – hoping my nephews and nieces will read this post.
Cheers!
Hi Feyma,
This scenario happens over and over. I know of siblings who end up suing each other over the family inheritance. I admire Warren Buffett for what he did – gave away almost all of his billions to charity and left just enough for his children to be comfortable with.
I agree with Dr. Long. My goal in life is to die poor. This way, I know no one will be fighting over what I left behind…
BTW, it was good to see you and Bob, though briefly. Take care always! 😀
Hi Feyma,
Thanks for sharing this, and thanks to the others who shared. These are exactly the issues I see every day and I'm always amazed at fellow Americans who get angry with mewhen Iadvise them not to get into land deals.
Eevn with a will, under Pfhilippine law children _must_ have a sharein an estate. This includes illegitimate children (although their share is less). So when you have land that has been in family hands for a number of generations, there are hundreds of people who have a share, legally. Can they wait 30 years and then 'come out of the woodwork'? Yep, the law says they can.
There is also a tendency to make relationships informal .. someone who is always called lolo turns out to be a tito. For years I beleived my mother-in-law as the neice of a famous person. She had even been written upthat way in newspapers and other sources. However, she isn't a niece at all, she and that person are cousins, but because he was much older he was known as their uncle. Confusing? You bet.
It is also fairly common to have a whole other family show up, where a fathe ror uncle had another 'set' of wife and children. This happened to a realtive of mine … the 'second family' children all had the same names of the 'first family' children. Gives me a headache, but more importantly, think what this does to property claims. Each and even one of those children of a second wife has rights under ther law to everything the father owned. A will can
When I read your story and look at soem things I know about right in my own fanily, I feelpretty lucvky just to pay rent one day amonth and throughly enjoy the other 29 or so.
"11 Dr. Sponk Long said:
Somebody said that you are an excellent wealth manager when you issue your last check to zero balance to the utility company at your deathbed . You are a superior one if that check bounces when you already six feet under the ground 😉 ."
Good Day All:
Dr Long:
Who ever uttered the last sentence and the last paragraph was only thinking of themselves. In both sentences the dying person was not taking into the considerations of the expenses one leaves when one dies. The funeral expenses then have to be paid by the family, and in the event of the check bouncing after death once again show lack of consideration of other people. The family must once again come up with the funds to pay the debt.
A truely responsible person no only thinks ahead with the division of their assets with a will, thay also make provisions for all of their debts to be paid from their remaining asets if they have any.
A very irresponsible posting for a learned person, sir.
Hi Wayne,
For information, Dr. Sponk Long is a generic term which means (approximately) "quack doctor" in the Philippines. I would say that someone is using that name to indicate a light hearted viewpoint.
However, I can also see that the point they are making, rather than a precise statement, is that the general principle of leaving little for others to squabble over after your death can be a good one. Also, the idea of bouncing your last cheque on the utility company alludes to the fact that such debts die with you. The remainder of your family have no contract with abc telecom and cannot be pursued for that debt. And as for leaving a will, well, from one corresponden't notes above, it appears that there can still be family members crawling out of the woodwork to stake a claim. In the case of land disputes, this is bigger problem than many realise, because they can take twenty years plus to be concluded, and in that time, you can't sell land that has ownership disputes in process. And you can't really take the risk of spending money on developing it either…so basically, if someone disputes ownership of your land, you are screwed!
Of course, it is certainly true that every responsible person who cares for their family, should carry sufficient life insurance to deal with their own disposal. Funerals can be expensive if you have to come up with the funds at short notice, but the cost of insurance paid over a good few years to provide, say $10,000 (£5,000) is really quite minimal. Unfortunately, it's a concept that filipino culture does not widely embrace at this time. My own father in law, who died a little over a year ago now, was a responsible man, having been a bank manager, and had provided various insurances and pensions for his family. Unfortunately, on one of those insurances, the small broker to whom the premiums had been paid, had not passed all of the premiums to the insurance company, clearly believing that their own needs were much more important than their customer, and consequently that insurance was not paid out. In the UK, one could have sued the broker, making them liable for the pension payout, but in the Philippines I doubt if that would work out.
Hi Jim Hannah – Yeah it took them 30 years to claim. The only thing the siblings(our parents) had a written agreement signed by all of them that they agreed that my aunt and uncle here in Sarangani be the in charge of taking care and of course they get a cut. Sad thing is they never followed what was agreed upon.
Also the family here in Sarangani can't really get the full claim because my uncle (the father of my cousin from Luzon) help my grandfather plants the coconuts and cultivate that land when they were younger.
Really now its up to the higher court. My cousin already brought the case to the higher court now. They will have hearing in a few days. Will see what happen next.
Hi MarcelinaWW – You also had a hard time there with your family. I really hope that your nephew will understand you now, since that too happened a long time ago. Is that the family you have here in Davao ?
I really hope it works out good for you too. Hey its time for you to take vacation here and see the Philippines again.Your family I'm sure will be happy to see you.
Hi Tina – It is really a sad story though that families fights over just a property. The thing is its pretty common here.
I guess at the end people would not want to work hard and would not want to leave something to their kids,if at the end the kids will just end up fighting over anyway. Hmm, no more "PAMANA" then. I think just the education is enough pamana now.
Same here, It's really good to see you and Ken. Next time we will go somewhere to hang out. You guys take care!
Hi D – Wow, that really is confusing. That would be interesting to see if out of nowhere somebody would show up at my cousins doorstep and claim the land that they are the kids or grandkids of my grandfather? That would be interesting. I would like to see faces of my cousins. 🙂
Thank you so much for your comment and thanks for dropping by!
Hi Wayne A. Derby & Jim Hannah – Thank you so much for the comment!
The incident was with my other nephew and a sister, both still residing in Leyte, my home province.
I just have this new project I need to complete then will head back there to trade herb seeds with the reverend father in Bukidnon and flowering plants with Klaus. 😀 😆 I just don't want to misled any hopes of me getting there any sooner than about a year from now.
Cheers!
sorry i don't remember the name of her tribe but they are south of gingoog city in the mountains
Hi MarcelinaWW – You would enjoy seeing Father Franco's plants.
You should just surprise your family when visiting next year. Good luck to you!
Hi Phil R. – No problem. Thanks for dropping by!
hi ate, i just came across your site as i was researching about DAR policies in PI and i really enjoy reading your blog as i share the same experiences as you. I also wish to live there soon. My family also owns agricultural land in sultan kudarat and i was just there a few months ago for a visit and from what i see i really need to go back and manage the place before its too late.
anyhow i wanted to comment on this particular subject because just this weekend my cousins and i have accomplish something our parents have been trying for 40+ yrs. when we were younger we used to get together everyweekend and it was always fun times with the family, until when they start talking about whos got what. then they start to fight and yes sometimes even physically. so i know what you mean about how bad things can get with properties. i cant even count how many internal documents i have with the parties signitures and promises and claims and so on and so forth. so our gathering got less and less. so this last weekend i was really nervous because we could never get a consensus from the pass.
i just told them that our parents are getting older and we need to secure the future of our farm. so we decided to each give up some ha's. from our claim until we reach the total ha's. i ended up giving the most ha's, at first i felt that i have been jip and in a way sad and angry but in the end I was happy because we have accomplish something and now we can all move forward and hopfully will be succesfull in securing the future of the farm and its occupants.
thank you for sharing your stories, i hope i can meet you and your husband one day. i wish you and your family the best with your farm and hope that you will settle your diffrences. oh and yes davao is a beatiful city, i wish to live there someday.
Hi seedgrower – I am happy for you that you guys iron out your differences. Its really hard you know that we don't know what the other families are thinking of doing. Some of them are so aggressive that its not even fun to be around them. Honestly I told my siblings to just let my cousins have what they wanted. We have our own land to worry about that we inherit from our parents. Thats should be enough for us to think about.
Oh well, sometimes families could be a pain in the butt. 😉 You know what I mean.
Thank you so much for stopping by!