A few months ago I posted here the pictures and articles about helping out Pat to rebuild her house. They really were in bad shape at that time. They couldn’t even have a good night sleep if it rained a lot here in Davao. During summer time here I was working for a friend renovating his house. I talked to him about the extra scrap lumber that Jun Jun worked on his house if I could have it for the house of Pat. My friend was so kind to give me what I asked for. It was really a big help for Pat and her family.
Then, I organized to start the bayanihan there at Pat’s house one weekend together with Jun, Jun Jun, my nephew, nieces and my kids. We work there for a long day straight. Jun, Jun Jun and Deo had to work more there because it involves a little more thorough stuff. During that whole time the husband of Pat was there. When I was there helping and working the husband of Pat was just walking around helping a little bit. He had the TV on with the VCD thing on and watching the concert of I don’t know who. While the TV was on, the neighbors stereo was in full blast. Its even hard to hear the person talking next to you. I saw the husband of Pat tinkering with the TV. I told him that its not a time for anybody to watch TV right now. We have to concentrate on our work. We don’t have to waste our time on the TV. I told him he doesn’t need any music anymore just listen to the neighbors music. Did he listen? Nope. On top of that Pat was worried about their electricity bill.
To be honest, me and my people at our house didn’t know at first that the husband of Pat was a member of the standby (no job) guys in the neighborhood. Not until Jun and Jun Jun worked there at their house. While Jun and Jun Jun worked there some of the neighbors come to Pats house and chatted with them. They thought that those 2 worked at Pat’s house and were getting paid. Jun and Jun Jun told them that they were just there for the bayanihan and that I’m the one that asked them to helped out Pat. So the neighbors told Jun and Jun Jun that Pat’s husband had no job for a long time. They told Jun Jun that its good that they helped out there. So when I found out I told Pat that she should let her husband finish up the job that needs to be done in the house. When Jun Jun comes back again to Davao he will help out in finishing up with the concrete floor. I told Pat that she should tell her husband to really work on bringing a lot of dirt inside the house in preparation for the concrete. Everyday for awhile I asked Pat if her hubby was looking for work if he is not did he work on filling the inside of their house with dirt? The answer of Pat was always “not yet.”
So I told her that we will help you guys again if your husband tried himself to work also. It’s not fair for my people to work hard there in your house and your husband just sitting around. Even my 10 year old son noticed it. It just bugged me to death that Pat tried to worked hard and feed her family and the husband just stay home watching TV and smoking and can’t even help out his wife on any household chores.
Pat just told me a few days ago that her husband applied for a job in one of the construction places here in the city. They are building one of the big malls. Pat was so excited that he finally got a job for how many months without work. Gee, he just stayed 3 days there. He told Pat that he didn’t like the job that was assigned to him. He had to carry the hollow blocks from the ground floor to the second floor. I told Pat my gosh, that just a simple job. He is not an oldie to be worried about his hips and knees. His laziness kicks in again.
If he wants that job so bad if the boss told him to carry that hollow block to the 10th floor he will do it. If he is thinking of his kids welfare even if the boss asked him to scrub the bathroom, he will do it. He just doesn’t want to work so he quit. He stayed home doing nothing. He is waiting for his wife bringing food for him. Golly, what a guy.
I was talking to Pat and I told her that her husband had to help her out. I want to help her out but I don’t want that he will just rely on us and think that we will give him free stuff. He had to work and show his kids he can do it. Even the parents and siblings of Pat help out but not that much now. Pat and her parents fight over the attitude of her husband. Pat’s parents told her that they will help her out if she dumps that guy. I told Pat its you that will decide on that not other people.
It started now that they had problems with their kids. One kid Pat had to go to school a lot because the kid would not listen to her teacher and sometimes she’s fighting with her classmates. Both kids start not to listen with Pat and her husband. Really I felt sorry for Pat and her kids. But she has to do something. I just hope that the husband will quit being lazy and start being responsible and loving to his family.
Hi Feyma – It seems like the old old story, the more you do the more they want.
If it wasn’t for Pat I’m sure you would let them get on with it but in order to give her and the children a decent place to live you have to bite your tongue.
Yes its true some Filapina women have to put up with a lot from their Pinoy husbands and its little wonder progress is slow here.
Never mind, Pat will appreciate what you have done along with your readers.
Best wishes.
Jim.
Hi Jim – Very true. Thats why we have to set a limit.
Thank you for the nice comment Jim.
Take care!
Hi Feyma, I remember enjoying your previous article and was touched by your charitable efforts. I’m sorry to hear about Pat’s husband. You can’t help those who won’t help themselves and her husband seems to fit that description very well. I guess the best thing to do is to wait for her to tell you when the dirt is finished. Unfortunately Pat married the wrong guy. Nothing you can do about that. At least you sized up the situation straight away so you won’t waste your time and energy on a lost cause.
My wife’s friend from Bulacan appreciated what a poor family did for her mother before she died so she paid for a house to be built for them and set up a sari sari store so they could make a living but it failed and she is now paying money every month for the bills and food. My wife says her friend needs to wake up.
Hi Mike Haydock – Thank you for your nice thought. I tried to talked to Pat about the situation. I really wanted to finished up a little more work on her house. But I told her that her husband had to finished up the job first that I wanted for him to do because we are not going back there unless those things are done. So far not yet. Keep waiting I am getting tired of him.
Good luck on letting your wife’s friend. It will be awhile for her to wake up. If she wanted to wake up.
Thank you for stopping by!
Take care!
Hi feyma what a shame ,still dont think this only happens to women in your country .Because the philipino is so hard working especially the women who want to strive for a better life i have seen this appen to two couples that are australian /philipino ,i dont know what it is with these men i would be ashamed if i could not support my family it is a matter of self respect and pride ,how can you look at yourself in the mirror and see that you do nothing to provide for your family ,i feel sorry for you and your family after your stirling efforts to help this poor woman out and i am sure that she is very embaressed and has lost face over this perhaps he needs a good old fashioned kick up the b=== to make him realize that life is not a holiday other men must make jokes about him i think her family is on the right track when they say get rid of him at least she would not have to provide food to go into an undeserving mouth or his cigarretes , feyma all i can say is it isnt the husband you are doing this kind work for it is pat and her children, bugger him make him sleep outside if he cant be bothered to shovel some dirt for his own betterment and that of his family ,i agree with jim pat will be forever gratefull for your kindness but i would let him feel the wrath of your tounge 3 days work what a joke
chris
Hi chris – Thank you for your good advice. I have to see the progress with Pat’s husband. I really hope he will do the job I ask him to do for us to continue helping them. Pat knows that I am not going to send my people there just for her husband sitting around and watch my people work. He really is a lazy guy (I had to delete my other words for him).
Thank you so much for the nice thought. Good to see you here.
Take care!
I also enjoyed the first article on this,i know you and Bob were being so good as to help Pat have a better home.It sounds like she picked the wrong guy.I hope he straightens out for her sake.God Bless you all and Pat also.Good deeds wont go unrewarded….
maynard
Hi maynard – Thank you so much. More to come for this saga. 😉
Take care!
tell her sell the TV & Stereo and stop giving him money. What a slug.
Hi brian – Ha ha ha… Jun & Jun Jun told Pat same thing. He really is a slug. Sorry to call him that but true though.
Take care!
Hi Feyma……Your a good person,and do good work. You are to be comended. The truth is, he will always be the way he is. Can’t follow, and can’t,and won’t WORK . We are what we are. What a rollmodel, for his children.
if he dont like to work nor shaw he eat and he will find that in gods good book…….
god bless from peter martin tassie
Hi peterjoy – True
Take care!
Hi jim – Thank you so much for the nice word. In all honesty I really hope he will change and help his wife support the family. Wishful thinking anyway.
Good to see you here.
Take care!
Sad to say..most men that are like this never straighten out. They are they type that are always lazy and always want the woman to carry the load. You not only will see this in the Philippines but every other country you go to..some worse than others…It it like John M mentioned in one of his post here not to long ago..about entitlements…Some think they are above working and feel that they entitled to every thing with out any effort on their part. It is sad that Pat is in this position and yes..she picked the wrong man as many do..but only she can decide when enough is enough…but Feyma, You and Your family did a great thing and even if some times you think..what were are efforts for..One of the big things out of all of this is your childern learned about giving and what that feels like and it will help them become real winners in life……so..Nice post again and wish Your maid the best…..
Hi Dan – I can’t agree you more.
Yes the kids really learned a lot from that bayanihan we did. I’m happy that we had the time to helped out. My kids really learned a lot big time.
Thank you so much for your nice comment. I really appreciate very much.
Take care!
Once a bum always a bum.
Hi Don – Won’t disagree you on that. 🙂
Hi Feyma,
Pat’s family is right, it will be just a waste of time and money trying to stick oneself to a person like that hoping one day you wake up to see a totally changed person, better for her to move on, perhaps even find someone who can really be a responsible partner to her and as a father figure to her kids.
Hi Miles – You know it is really a topic a lot of the time in our house when were eating with Pat. We sometimes told her that she doesn’t really need her husband to survive. It’s more money they need for them right now since her husband smoke and drink some tanduay or beer. Pat’s neighbor who is working for me too told me that Pat really is better off without her hubby. That husband already left before and Pat was okay she had better life. I think Pat also need some therapy for her to see. I am really worried with the kids. They already starts having problem with them right now. I told Pat we are here to advice its her that will decide whats best for her and the kids. Really I am just hoping for a better life for Pat and kids.
Thank you for stopping by.
Take care!
Hi Feyma,
This kind of laziness is not reserved for filipinos,it happens in the West also,some people think the world owes them a living.
I doubt he will ever change,unless something shocks him into motivation.
Maybe you should refuse to concrete the floor,until the husband has laid the earth.
The problem with the children is not surprising,discipline starts at home.The father has no discipline,most kids tend to copy their parents.
regards,Chas.
Hi chasdv – Yeah, I know its really a sickness that affect anywhere.
Yes, thats one of the condition I told him to do. Put all the dirt inside and make it level a bit and Jun Jun will help him later. Until now he still is not yet done with it. He doesn’t even have to buy the dirt, just slowly get the dirt near the river. He just is too lazy to carry the small bag of dirt. Gosh, that really made me angry though.
Anyway, good to see you again Chas.
Take care!
Hi Feyma: My deceased parents were very much like you. They had big hearts and employed hard-up individuals to help them out. It didn’t work. Some of their employees resorted to extortion to get money out of the old folks by threatening to burn their house down, signing notes with NPA. Authorities investigated the threats and found out that the extortionists were their male employees with families at that. Their wives are complacent with the behaviours of their husbands. Does your Bayanihan have any programs that instills confidence in women in the community? This type of abuse filters down to their children who later on emulate the same behavior. This breeds poverty in the long run.
well your not there to help the husband your there to help the children. Just keep doing what your doing and all will work out in the end.
Hi JackF – Yeah. True enough…
Thank you…
Take care!
Hi Feyma, I’ve seen this before. ENABLING!
Hi Joe – Yeah…
Take care!
Hi Feyma,
As I look out of our bedroom window, (not now as presently I am back in the states) I see the shelters of more than 50 – 70 fighting cocks. Cousin Romy owns most of them and many of the extended family owns the rest. Cousin Romy has been very successful with this enterprise and has 2 SUV’s purchased from his winnings. Some years ago he imported a person from the Visaya’s who was an expert with the care and training of these roosters. He lived in a lean-to building somewhat attached to our house, at a subsistence level. Very nice and friendly guy, who lived there with his 10 yr. old son. Cousin Simon is a guy who hangs out under the tree near the rooster subdivision. He drinks as much Red Horse as he possibly can. He is mostly friendly and mostly drunk. I think he may have been jealous of the guy from the Visaya’s, whom I nicknamed ‘chicken-man’ (but only in a friendly way, between Daisy and myself). One day Simon got angry with chicken-man and chased him around the compound with a bolo. My good friend ‘chicken-man’ was never seen again! Simon is now the caretaker of the fighting cocks…
What does Simon do for a living?
No one knows…
I say nothing…
Hi Jade – Really and learning story. It’s really sad but it happened more often than we think. I thank you for sharing though.
Happy to see you here. Keep reading and sharing.
Take care!
Hi Femya,
You are a calm and an even tempered person.
One day good ol’ Simon got into a fist fight with a banana tree. Really! Simon won! It was funny to see but sort of sad to watch. Hope he felt strong and a victor after his battle! It takes all kinds. Virtually all of the extended family are calm and ascribe to “smooth interpersonal relationships’.
I always greet Simon with a cheery smile and a wave. Daisy advises me not to join in with their cerveza sessions, even when invited. I have tried to be accommodating, but after a couple of those though, I had no taste for more. Too intense for me.
Jade
LOL, Feyma, I like that phrase, “standby”. I have a couple of brothers-in-law who are on standby. They were on standby when I arrived, in 1991, and they are on standby today. One of them was hired by my wife to supervise our beach house construction. Now, our beach house is on standby, until I return. I’ve already told my wife that I won’t be staying at the family home when I restart the beach house project. When she asked me where I’d stay, I said, “On the beach! That will give me the incentive to keep working!” If one of my standby brothers-in-law approach me for work, you know what I’ll say? “Never mind, you just standby!”
Hi Mike,I have 5 brothers-in-law that are on stand-by now & since I met them in 2003!
Hi Mike – Ha ha ha… At least you learned new words today. 😉 Everywhere you go here you see lots of guys on standby…Some family members are really a pain in the neck.
Hey, one thing for you to do when time to retire. You will be the supervisor. I’m pretty sure you brother-in-law will ask you for work. Maybe time for you to kick butts. Let them work like a regular worker, No special treatment.
Good luck to you and your wife.
As always good to see you here.
Take care!
Hi Feyma,
What is the age of Pats husband?. I’m just curious. This seems to be a problem in the States now with young men. It’s disgusting.
Hi BuckeyeBob – I think he is in his early 30’s. Just my guess though. The sad part he is physically capable of doing the hard work. He is just too darn lazy.
Take care!