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Helping Out

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A few months ago I posted here the pictures and articles about helping out Pat to rebuild her house. They really were in bad shape at that time. They couldn’t even have a good night sleep if it rained a lot here in Davao. During summer time here I was working for a friend renovating his house. I talked to him about the extra scrap lumber that Jun Jun worked on his house if I could have it for the house of Pat.  My friend was so kind to give me what I asked for. It was really a big help for Pat and her family.

Then, I organized to start the bayanihan there at Pat’s house one weekend together with Jun, Jun Jun, my nephew, nieces and my kids. We work there for a long day straight. Jun, Jun Jun and Deo had to work more there because it involves a little more thorough stuff. During that whole time the husband of Pat was there. When I was there helping and working the husband of Pat was just walking around helping a little bit. He had the TV on with the VCD thing on and watching the concert of I don’t know who. While the TV was on, the neighbors stereo was in full blast. Its even hard to hear the person talking next to you. I saw the husband of Pat tinkering with the TV. I told him that its not a time for anybody to watch TV right now. We have to concentrate on our work. We don’t have to waste our time on the TV. I told him he doesn’t need any music anymore just listen to the neighbors music. Did he listen? Nope. On top of that Pat was worried about their electricity bill.

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To be honest, me and my people at our house didn’t know at first that the husband of Pat was a member of the standby (no job) guys in the neighborhood. Not until Jun and Jun Jun worked there at their house. While Jun and Jun Jun worked there some of the neighbors come to Pats house and chatted with them. They thought that  those 2 worked at Pat’s house and were getting paid. Jun and Jun Jun told them that they were just there for the bayanihan and that I’m the one that asked them to helped out Pat. So the neighbors told Jun and Jun Jun that Pat’s husband had no job for a long time. They told Jun Jun that its good that they helped out there. So when I found out I told Pat that she should let her husband finish up the job that needs to be done in the house. When Jun Jun comes back again to Davao he will help out in finishing up with the concrete floor. I told Pat that she should tell her husband to really work on bringing a lot of dirt inside the house in preparation for the concrete. Everyday for awhile I asked Pat if her hubby was looking for work if he is not did he work on filling the inside of their house with dirt? The answer of Pat was always “not yet.”

So I told her that we will help you guys again if your husband tried himself to work also. It’s not fair for my people to work hard there in your house and your husband just sitting around. Even my 10 year old son noticed it. It just bugged me to death that Pat tried to worked hard and feed her family and the husband just stay home watching TV and smoking and can’t even help out his wife on any household chores.

Pat just told me a few days ago that her husband applied for a job in one of the construction places here in the city. They are building one of the big malls. Pat was so excited that he finally got a job for how many months without work. Gee, he just stayed 3 days there. He told Pat that he didn’t like the job that was assigned to him. He had to carry the hollow blocks from the ground floor to the second floor. I told Pat my gosh, that just a simple job.  He is not an oldie to be worried about his hips and knees. His laziness kicks in again.

If he wants that job so bad if the boss told him to carry that hollow block to the 10th floor he will do it. If he is thinking of his kids welfare even if the boss asked him to scrub the bathroom, he will do it. He just doesn’t want to work so he quit. He stayed home doing nothing. He is waiting for his wife bringing food for him. Golly, what a guy.

I was talking to Pat and I told her that her husband had to help her out. I want to help her out but I don’t want that he will just rely on us and think that we will give him free stuff. He had to work and show his kids he can do it. Even the parents and siblings of Pat  help out but not that much now. Pat and her parents fight over the attitude of her husband. Pat’s parents told her that they will help her out if she dumps that guy. I told Pat its you that will decide on that not other people.

It started now that they  had problems with their kids. One kid Pat had to go to school a lot because the kid would not listen to her teacher and sometimes she’s fighting with her classmates. Both kids start not to listen with Pat and her husband. Really I felt sorry for Pat and her kids. But she has to do something. I just hope that the husband will quit being lazy and start being responsible and loving to his family.

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Feyma

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

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Jim
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Hi Feyma – It seems like the old old story, the more you do the more they want.
If it wasn’t for Pat I’m sure you would let them get on with it but in order to give her and the children a decent place to live you have to bite your tongue.
Yes its true some Filapina women have to put up with a lot from their Pinoy husbands and its little wonder progress is slow here.
Never mind, Pat will appreciate what you have done along with your readers.
Best wishes.
Jim.

Mike Haydock
Guest
Mike Haydock

Hi Feyma, I remember enjoying your previous article and was touched by your charitable efforts. I’m sorry to hear about Pat’s husband. You can’t help those who won’t help themselves and her husband seems to fit that description very well. I guess the best thing to do is to wait for her to tell you when the dirt is finished. Unfortunately Pat married the wrong guy. Nothing you can do about that. At least you sized up the situation straight away so you won’t waste your time and energy on a lost cause. My wife’s friend from Bulacan appreciated what… Read more »

chris
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chris

Hi feyma what a shame ,still dont think this only happens to women in your country .Because the philipino is so hard working especially the women who want to strive for a better life i have seen this appen to two couples that are australian /philipino ,i dont know what it is with these men i would be ashamed if i could not support my family it is a matter of self respect and pride ,how can you look at yourself in the mirror and see that you do nothing to provide for your family ,i feel sorry for you… Read more »

maynard
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maynard

I also enjoyed the first article on this,i know you and Bob were being so good as to help Pat have a better home.It sounds like she picked the wrong guy.I hope he straightens out for her sake.God Bless you all and Pat also.Good deeds wont go unrewarded….
maynard

brian
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brian

tell her sell the TV & Stereo and stop giving him money. What a slug.

jim
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jim

Hi Feyma……Your a good person,and do good work. You are to be comended. The truth is, he will always be the way he is. Can’t follow, and can’t,and won’t WORK . We are what we are. What a rollmodel, for his children.

peterjoy
Guest
peterjoy

if he dont like to work nor shaw he eat and he will find that in gods good book…….

god bless from peter martin tassie

Dan
Guest
Dan

Sad to say..most men that are like this never straighten out. They are they type that are always lazy and always want the woman to carry the load. You not only will see this in the Philippines but every other country you go to..some worse than others…It it like John M mentioned in one of his post here not to long ago..about entitlements…Some think they are above working and feel that they entitled to every thing with out any effort on their part. It is sad that Pat is in this position and yes..she picked the wrong man as many… Read more »

Don
Guest
Don

Once a bum always a bum.

Miles
Guest
Miles

Hi Feyma,

Pat’s family is right, it will be just a waste of time and money trying to stick oneself to a person like that hoping one day you wake up to see a totally changed person, better for her to move on, perhaps even find someone who can really be a responsible partner to her and as a father figure to her kids.

chasdv
Guest
chasdv

Hi Feyma,
This kind of laziness is not reserved for filipinos,it happens in the West also,some people think the world owes them a living.
I doubt he will ever change,unless something shocks him into motivation.
Maybe you should refuse to concrete the floor,until the husband has laid the earth.

The problem with the children is not surprising,discipline starts at home.The father has no discipline,most kids tend to copy their parents.
regards,Chas.

Roselyn
Guest
Roselyn

Hi Feyma: My deceased parents were very much like you. They had big hearts and employed hard-up individuals to help them out. It didn’t work. Some of their employees resorted to extortion to get money out of the old folks by threatening to burn their house down, signing notes with NPA. Authorities investigated the threats and found out that the extortionists were their male employees with families at that. Their wives are complacent with the behaviours of their husbands. Does your Bayanihan have any programs that instills confidence in women in the community? This type of abuse filters down to… Read more »

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