If you truly love somebody, how far are you willing to go in terms of making a sacrifice to improve their life? In recent weeks, I find myself facing that question.
Over the past few years, I have become very close with one of my nieces. Her name is Nicole, and she is 6 years old, or as she would say “mag 7” (translated… will be 7) in January. Nicole is really a cute and sweet girl, and I love her very much. I am a sucker for kids anyway, but there is something special about Nicole. When she was much younger, I was not that close to her, as I already lived in Davao when she was born, and we just didn’t know each other well. A few years ago, Nicole came to visit Davao with her Mother (Feyma’s sister, Sally), and I started noticing her a little more.
When Nicole was approaching her 4th birthday, she came to our house during Christmas, and celebrated the holiday with us. During this time, Nicole took a real liking to me, and it was at that time that she started calling me “Daddy” instead of “Uncle”. I was OK with that, in fact I liked it. On her birthday that year, just 2 weeks after Christmas, Feyma and I decided to buy her a bicycle, something that she would never own unless we bought it, because her family cannot afford such a luxury. Well, it was not expensive, and the look of thrill on Nicole’s face was well worth the small price of the bicycle.
It was over that Christmas and birthday that really sealed the relationship between Nicole and I. Ever since then, she has been coming to visit us often, whenever there is a break from school. Every year since then she has spent Christmas with us, and she also usually spends the majority of her summer vacation with us as well.
Over the years, Feyma and I have talked between each other about the possibility of having Nicole come to live with us, and making her part of the family. We always said “No” in the end, though. Feyma and I have been there and done that… we have 4 kids who are all growing up, and we just felt that we were unwilling to extend our child raising years beyond the age of our youngest son, Jared. Taking in Nicole would add about 4 more years after Jared. I love my kids very much, but there also comes a time when you are starting to get older, and you start looking forward to the day when you and your wife can begin to enjoy life without kids. I’ve been married to Feyma for more than 20 years now, but our life is so wrapped around the kids that I do look forward to spending more quality time with each other. So, because of this reason, we have always ended up with the answer that we loved Nicole a lot, but we were not prepared to take her into the family.
One thing that we noticed is that every time that Nicole comes to Davao to spend time with us, she is sick. She has a fever, runny nose, or something more serious. About 2 weeks ago, it was Semester break, and the November 1 and 2 holidays here in the Philippines, so Nicole came to Davao to spend a week with us. When she arrived she was very sick. She had a high fever, and a bad cut on her foot which was badly infected. She could hardly walk, and with the fever she had no strength to do anything other than just laying around the house. Feyma spent about an hour cleaning up the wound on Nicole’s foot, and by the next day you could see a big difference in the way Nicole was feeling. She was getting her strength back, and the infection in her foot was clearing up. Her fever was about gone too.
I mentioned to Feyma that Nicole seemed to have a problem with always being sick, and that I felt it was caused by the environment where she lived. Feyma agreed. It was at that time that I told Feyma… “you know, I love Nicole a lot, and I am really struggling over the question of what we should do to help her. We have talked about this before, and we have always agreed, but I am feeling that we should let her come and live with us. If something happened to her because of her health, I would really blame myself for being selfish and not helping her.” I was surprised when Feyma told me that she had been thinking the same thing. So, Feyma and I talked it over, and we decided that we wanted to ask Nicole’s parents if we could take her in. We decided, though, that we would wait until after school finishes in March before we talk to her parents about it.
Our daughter, Jean, who is really our niece has been living with us for 7 years now. In every way, I consider her my daughter, and I am very close to her. In my mind, she is equal to our boys in every way. There was a time in the past when Jean was jealous of Nicole, and she even told me that she was scared that Nicole would “replace her” in our family. Jean even told me several years ago that she thought I would send her home, and take in Nicole instead. Jean and I are very, very close, and she feels comfortable talking to me about just about any topic. When it comes to things like boys and such (who she has a crush on at school and such) Jean will openly talk to me about it, probably more than she is willing to talk to anybody else. I could never “replace” Jean, nor would I even want to. I told her this many times over the years.
So, when Feyma and I came to the conclusion that we might want to bring in Nicole, I wanted to talk to Jean about it and see how she felt. I was surprised to see that she was not just OK with it, but she was actually excited. I could see that Jean had matured enough that she understood that Nicole would not replace her, but really just enhance our lives, and that such a move would be good for Nicole’s health too. Jean had also noticed that Nicole was sick every time she came to visit us. Jean was looking forward to being the “big sister” to a younger girl, and I was so proud of her for her new attitude. Our boys are also very happy with the potential for an additional little sister.
So, the question came down to the title of this article. How far am I willing to go for somebody that I love? And, the same question for Feyma. Are we willing to sacrifice a few conveniences, and delay our quality time together? Yeah, I think we are. Having another child in the house will make for quality time of a different kind anyway. When Nicole’s mother, Sally, came to Davao to pick up Nicole the other day, Feyma hinted to her a bit about such a move, and Sally was agreeable it seemed. We have not told her that we want to do it, but I am sure she suspects it. Giving up a child like that would be very difficult to do, even if you knew that it was a step toward a better life for the child. However, such an action is actually pretty common here in the Philippines.
It is possible that this won’t happen, but that, I think, is only a tiny possibility. I suspect that come March or April 2011, there will be another head in the Martin household.
This is a wonderful post Bob, you obviously care deeply for Nicole and I could easily see how a ‘bit’ of inconvenience on your part for her betterment is a choice worth making. With the cost of living in America, such a consideration would not only include how much effort would you be willing to take-on to raise another child, but would the rest of my family need to sacrifice as well. (i.e. with an additional child, maybe I can no longer afford to send my own son/daughter to college/private school, etc.) As they say, love might be limitless, but the money isn’t.
Hi Brent – Thank you. Yes, one of the beauties of the Philippines is that the cost is relatively small and with that, a person can afford to do things like this.
Bob
Super article! Very heartwarming. You get my vote for parents of the year. Good Luck hopefully with the new addition to the family. By the way you really have some good looking kids. God Bless
Thanks Randy. Parents of the year! Ha ha… I doubt I could qualify for that!
Bob…wonderfull post here…The 1st time I saw little Nicole on one of your posts or the old photo section of the old LIP…I thought she for some reason was one of the cutest little girls my eyes had ever seen. I no a little person like that would melt me like butter..hahaha..so great for You and Feyma on what you are both thinking of doing. I will say this…I do not belive you will ever regret it and that little person ( Nicole ) will for sure bring much joy to both of you and rest of your family in the years to come…Its sad that there are so many Fillipino Families that just do not have the means to give their kids there the best. So…Looks like your family may be getting bigger and sure all will be happy with all of this…
Thank you Dan. Yes, there really is something special about Nicole. I honestly believe that she is one of the cutest little girls I’ve ever seen, and both Feyma and I feel that in about 10 years there will be a flock of boys chasing her around! 😆 I think you are right, making a small sacrifice is something that we will be greatly rewarded for and never forget.
Bob
Yes they will. She will be a real heartbreaker!
Without a doubt, Randy!
Hi Bob – I always like your articles. Can you adopt me too? He he. Kidding of course. Moving on, God bless your good heart. You’re way too generous with everyone especially when family is involve. Having said that, if you’re thinking of adopting, then it’s best to talk and sit down with people involve. Wife’s sister and and your kids too. Adopting means signing papers and all that stuff so it could be legalize. If it’s for the good of your niece to bring her into your family, then there’s nothing wrong. But, to legally adopt her, if that’s the intention, wouldn’t that cause problems with the mother, in the long run? Just sharing my input. Have a good day.
Hi sugar – I am not sure we wold legally adopt Nicole. In the case of Jean, who has been with us for around 8 years, she is not legally adopted, she is legally our niece. We are OK with that, and she is treated equally to our children. She prefers not to be adopted for reasons that I am not going to go in to, and we are fine with that.
Hi Bob, I grew up in a broken home so I wish someone would have stepped up and made a difference in my life. Giving her the chance to blossom into a healthy young lady would change her life forever. The beauty of love has no limit and you never run out. Thanks for sharing.
Bill
Hi Bill – Thank you very much. I think that we cold make a big impact on Nicole’s life, if not for that, we would not be thinking of doing it. Thank you for giving me your thoughts.
That’s awesome Bob. And I’m glad that Jean understands and is welcoming of the move.
Lots going on with the move, the family’s new kitten and a step closer to bringing Nicole to the household. Exciting time for the Martin’s.
Thank you Pete! Ha ha… yes, the new kitten is cute, but can’t stand up to Nicole, though! 😉
Bob;
I knew it was a done deal after the first paragraph. Four years in nothing in the grand scheme of life, and the added benefit of a child to love? Like Visa, it’s priceless. I think Jean will see Nicole as a little sister for her to guide through life. Bob, as I already found out, they grow to fast anyway, and as much as I love seeing our girls out happily living their lives, I still wish they were here with us forever. God Bless you and Feyma!
Thank you Paul, I appreciate your input. I agree with you… having a child to share love with is priceless.
Wow, i have a teary eyes reading your post Bob. You and Feyma have a good heart. Two years ago we adopted a teenager that lost both of his parents. Recently , we decided to adopt my niece from Camiguin. Send them to school. But my 7 years Mikee always jealous with his cousin Richel Ann. But i know someday that jealousy will be gone when he reaches the right age.
I think it normal to the kids to get jealous because they often thinks that the love of thier parents will be less but it isn’t true though.
Good luck to both of you. We miss you guys! TC
Hi Jenny – We are lucky, because our boys are not jealous at all. In fact, they really want us to bring in Nicole to the family. They really love Jean a lot too. Feyma and I are always so happy that the boys are accepting and understanding.http://liveinthephilippines.com/wp-admin/edit-comments.php?comment_status=all#comments-form
I appreciate that and love your actions. Is that helping the Philippines, though? Just one of many horrible questions on my mind.
Hi Jeff – I am not certain that I understand what you are getting at. I believe that our love and actions would be helping Nicole. We are not trying to help the Philippines in this action. I don’t think we would be hurting the Philippines any though either. I really don’t understand what you are getting at.
Bob – Like others, you are helping the Philippines one person at a time.
Hi Paul – That’s so true. It is impossible to help the entire country. Helping the country one or two people at a time is the only way to really get the job done! And, helping one person like Nicole will help others too, as when she grows up it will help her to overcome poverty, and help others do so when she is an adult.
This is what you might call, the good karma effect, helping others who will help others in the future. Thank you for having such good hearts guys! Kudos!
Thank you jonathan.
Hi Bob, “Pay It Forward” pass it on. 10 more years of sleepless nights and lots of coffee. If you remember, I previously posted a comment a while back re Jean going on a date and you stocking/brewing lots of coffee while waiting for her to come home, you better get another coffee maker just in case the the other breaks down just to be on the safe side. Nicole is so cute.
Hi Jun – Ha ha… I might need to make the coffee double strength to keep me awake worrying about the girls! I was already thinking I need a shotgun, now I better go for a double barrel! Ha ha
Jeff – It could very well start off a “domino effect” that will build over time. One can’t help them all (i.e., the entire Philippines) but one can’t refuse them all, either.
😉
Paul
Only if you help just one child its still a noble act. Its one less child that has to suffer through poverty and has a chance to have a good life. Take Care
Hi Bob – How far? We both know the answer: One Step Beyond!
😉
How right you are, Paul!
I’m glad you made this choice! Nichole will be blessed, and so will you! As said above, kids grow up so fast! We are so glad we have a big family, and that it took a while for the last one to leave home. Now that they are all grown, it is wonderful to have so many adult children to relate to, and more grandkids too! We have ‘adopted’ family (4 ‘daughters’) here in the Philippines, too, and that makes life so much fuller! Having another child will bring trials as well as joys, but in the long run, investment in the lives of others is always a good investment; for us as much as for them.
Thank you, AmericanLola. I agree that it was the right choice to make. As I thought it over, I have to say it was the only choice that would be correct. If everything works out with her mother, I am excited to see Nicole’s face when we tell her!
Bob, i think this is one of those times that if anyone has a no or negative comment just simply delete it. I have 8 kids under my roof there in Davao. Two are from a previous marriage of my wife, two we have had together and four are from various cousins of my wife that we simply could not turn our back on. I two had your process thoughts in this matter with my wife but with us both so loving and caring as we are ,we just felt Gods voice strongly to welcome over the years the new family members. For us money is not an issue, as for possible others who might have this as a consideration, but truly that would not matter to us anyway. Although i am not in Davao full time, i have 3 yayas and enough uncles to fill the void of facilitating for the kids with as much or more help than is needed. If i was not under contract and the money i make which is so good and hard to turn down, then i would be there in Davao as we speak. Fortunately i will come home late 2011. Imagine how pleased Papa God is with you and your family. Godbless and before you leave Davao, my treat for both our family’s at Pearl farm, Waterworld, or someplace fun for the day for our family’s. Hey maybe we will let Nicole and the kids pick the place of fun!!?? Godbless there and see you all in the new year at some point…..
Thank you Anthony. Wow! 8 kids! That’s quite a household! I am happy for you as well. Good luck on your continued work, and you will end up in Davao soon! I’ll be looking forward to meeting you!
Hi Bob….the cuter they are at 6 yrs of age usealy results in the more grey hairs you will get when they reach 16 yrs of age, just kidding mate. I think your the lucky one here Bob as Nicole will bring so much happiness to you and your family, of that i have no doubts…good luck mate, just make sure you have plenty of sunscreen lotion to rub into your bald head in 10 tears time,hahaha
Hi D.L.Smith – I am expecting plenty of gray hairs with Jean, so having Nicole probably won’t add any… they will all be gray already! 😆 Thanks for your comment, and please, if you can, start sending the sunscreen, with all these kids I might not be able to afford it! 😆
Very nice article and written from the heart. My wife when I would talk to her from the US (she lived in the province) I noticed she was also sick alot, from one cold or another. I would send her vitamins and medicine from time to time and it helped.. After I arrived here, it took about 6 months (food ,vitamins and such) and then I saw her health improve, it must be tough living in some conditions here.. Now she is 100%.. Your quality of life will not dimish,.. just look at the article you just wrote, It seems as though your quality of life will improve by leaps and bounds, because of one thing “Love”.. The golden years will be that much more golden.. Its a no brainer Robert, Do your thing. What would i do for Love? I traveled 9000 miles for it..And no regrets…
Thank you Lenny. I am glad that you were able to improve her health, and I hope to do that with Nicole too. I agree, that quality of life will improve, it just takes adjustment!
Hey Bob, are you planning to adopt her?
Nicole is so cute! =)
Sya ang pinakagwapa, Cidy! 😆
You’re also gwapa Cidy! Ooops, off topic, sorry Bob just can’t help it…lol
You can’t change the world Bob…BUT you can change her’s , your a good man Bob who has been blessed with a big heart and wonderful family God bless ya Bob !
Hi Vangie – To be honest, adoption is not something that Feyma and I have discussed. I don’t have a problem either way, as for me the adoption is just a piece of paper, and it is all within the family anyway.
Bob…Hope this question is not off topic…I was just curios…is it hard for kids to be healthy living in the Provinces or as far as that goes the people that live in them? Or is it just that a lot of familys that live there do not have the means to take care of their selves in a more healthy way…I would think as warm as it is there that if you did get a scratch or a cut that it could become infected pretty easy if you did not have the means to take care of things like that….just curious
Hi Dan – I don’t think it is the fact that they live in the Province that makes them unhealthy. Rather, I think it is the fact that they don’t have the money to live a healthier lifestyle, have proper foods and medications and such.
Ok Bob..thanks..I understand now….
Sure, Dan… no problem!
Hi Jeff – I am not sure I understand what kind of “horrible questions” you have? I am not out to help the Philippines, I want to help my niece.
I don’t think that you & Feyma will ever regret this decision, Bob. Obviously, I don’t know the details of the situation, and I hope this doesn’t seem cold, but you might consider having an agreement drawn up to avoid future costs and/or heartache.
Thank you Mike. I think you are right, it is something that will not be regretted. A written agreement is a smart thing to do… I do trust the mother very much and have been close with her for years, so I am not too worried, but getting it in writing is always a wise thing to do, though.
There is no far Bob. Its anywhere it takes you forever-my life itself if that was needed. Good on you and Feyma-makes me proud to call you two friends. Ron
Thank you very much, Ron! I am happy to be your friend, and glad that it makes you proud to call me so! I feel the same way.
One of the things that has absolutely ASTOUNDED me about families in the Philippines is their willingness to let their children be raised by others, it honestly shocks me. I am not really saying there is anything wrong with it…but it happens a lot.
It also happens here in the United States and probably in most every other country, but the frequency that it happens in the Philippines is really surprising.
I am not exactly sure why this is…a lot of it probably because of the daily struggles of many filipinos…but I would have to have been really down and out to have let my daughter live with any other family members when she was young.
I think it is great if Nicole can live with you, but I wonder how the mother and father really feel. It makes me sad to think of them without their daughter. But if the mother and father think it is in the best interest of Nicole, and she wants to live with you, and you want her to live with you it is probably a really good idea for this little girl.
Hi Todd – I agree with you. I could never let one of my children go like that.
The mother and father of Nicole have 6 or 7 kids, I forget how many to be honest. Already two of their other children have been sent to live with other families – one in Manila and one near GenSan. So, it is not like this will be something new or unusual to them. It is because they have already done this that Feyma and I even consider the possibility. We don’t take it lightly.
Oh ok, I’m in a situation where I can adopt my unborn niece or nephew. My oldest daughter Dakota who is 5 now is actually my niece whom Randy and I adopted since she was 2days old. She got here in the states when she was 19months old. At that time
I was pregnant with Daphney, she got a humanetarian visa, due to I had a bad pregnancy, and I can’t stay in Philippines for the 2yrs requirements to file her paperwork. Lawyer, Senator, Congressman here in VA help us to get a travelling Documents for Dakota, by the way she’s a US Citizen now.
Evangline
You should be commended for adopting your niece. God bless You. Another example of helping one child at a time. Wish you the best of luck with your family.
After being back in Australia for three weeks, I had forgotten how blessed this country really is, it truly is God’s country, it just has everything but as I have noticed it has come with a price tag to match.
Now reflecting on the conditions in the Philippines your future intentions for Nicole are to be commended. With your extensive experience in life management, I am confident you will make a huge difference to the quality of Nicole’s life. Anything you will do will help her achieve a brighter future. Goodluck and may you enjoy a long and healthy life, as grandchildren there are very busy people.
Hi Boss – I hope you are enjoying your stay back home! Thanks for your comment.
I just read my comment and I want to make something 100% clear….I think families in the Philippines are really great. Most of them are so tight…it is just this one particular deal that has surprised me.
Maybe it is the fact that families are so tight that they will let their children live with other family members if they think it is the best interest of the children. I just know it would be so hard for me to do that.
But if the mom and dad think it is the best thing for their daughter then I commend them.
My only concern is if I have to move to Davao again to raise the baby with 2 girls with me, I’m concern about school? Would they speak English good after 3yrs in Philippines. Randy would be staying here to work.
I guess u didn’t get the first part of msgs?
Hi Bob,
Good article. It made my day. I had teary eyes whilst reading it. You are a good man with a big heart (like Maurice). You may not be helping all the needy children in the Philippines, but you are making a lot of difference to give Nicole a better future. She is very cute indeed. Congratulations to you, Feyma and the children. Wishing you more blessings to come and godbless.
Thank you so much, Susan! I appreciate your kind words.
Hello Bob, I would have made the same dessicion, one day when I move permently to the philippines I might do the same,you will be rewarded in this lifetime and the next lifetime.
Hi James – It’s hard to say no to a child, even when they didn’t ask! Nicole was here for the past couple of weeks, and left on Monday. I really miss her already!
Oh u did!!
Hi Vangie – Congrats on your girls! I am glad that things are working out for you and Randy with them! If you happened to move to Davao, sent your kids to a good school like Ateneo, and they will be fine with their English! We have lived here 10+ years already, and our kids all speak English very well. We have a rule that they must speak English at the house, which helps!
Hi bob ,well i am not what you would call a “god fearing person” but if there is such a thing then i am sure that he is lookig down on you and feyma with a smile , over the years i have lost two children through divorce and now married again with an 11 year old i wouldnt change anything ,i understand that you quality time qith feyma wil have to wait but think of the rewards that await you all the birthdays and xmases and special times you cant buy or replace i look at things a bit differently to some others i tell people i would sooner be poor and happpy than rich and unhappy my wealth comes from my wife and daughter i am a very rich man good on you both for your decsision
chris
Hi chris – Well, I’m not looking for anything special, just want to help out the girl. I do appreciate the nice words, though! I am like you, I don’t worry too much about money, just about being happy.
Ok, I will keep it in mind! No definite decision yet if we want to do it again! It’s tough to be away from hubby for couple of years! So well see! Have a good one Bob!
Hey Bob I love this story. Sometimes I need to see stuff like this to lift my heart,it is definitely touching. I am dealing with frustrations with denial of my gf visa and situations like this calms be a little bit.
Hi Mark – Thank you, I’m glad that my story helped you out a bit! Good luck with the visa for your girlfriend, I hope it all gets worked out!
wow another interesting article , let me read the whole story he he
i think you wouldnt have published unless you and feyma had already decided. you both obviously have big hearts. i hope your new house has the room for your new family member.
well done good choice
Hi paul – Yes, as far as Feyma and I go the decision has been made. Of course, we have to discuss this with Nicole’s parents, and the final decision is theirs.
I hope you enjoy it Melody!
As you can see from all the positive comments on your posting, Bob, most of us think you are being super to “adopt” Nicole. I wonder though. I have the same thoughts of some of my friends in the states who adopt Korean, Nepali, and so on kids. My question (unasked, I do not want to die) is: if you are really interested in the welfare of the child, why not arrange so that her environment with her family is such that she is not always sick and has the educational opportunities that I am sure she will have at your place? That way she will be with her biological parents, not have to go through the possible trauma of living apart from them, AND have a better life. A difficult decision. Good luck and our thoughts and hopes are with you and Nicole.
Hi Don – In the 10+ years that we have lived in the Philippines, we have made about 4 attempts to help raise the family from poverty. I completely funded a brand new business for the father of Nicole, and it was doing great until he decided to do something stupid which ended with the business gone under. I have made several other attempts and offers to set up different things that would assist the family, but they have all been declined, or mis-handled in a way that resulted in failure. I think I have gone as far as I can in trying to help the family achieve success. I wish I could, believe me. I even have asked them to move to Davao, and I would set them up in a better standard of living, but they don’t want that. I believe at this time that offering to take in Nicole is the best thing that we can do.
As a general rule, you can only help folks who want to be helped. You have a big heart, Bob, but they have to be willing to meet you halfway.
I know that’s true, Tom, that you can only help those who want it. Some people think they want it, but their actions prove otherwise.
Yea, discouraging isn’t it? Maybe this is why the Philippines is a third world country – and likely to remain one for quite some time. Even worse when you try to help family members who feel that you “owe it to us” so don’t even try to keep solvent.
Yes, Don, I really hate that “you owe me” attitude.
We have done two things to help. In the mountains about 30 miles from our house where my wife’s mother’s family comes from, the people are VERY poor – and there is not high school nearby. so we have taken up to five students from that area to stay with us (in a detached house) and go to high school. We pay all their expenses. When/if they graduate, then we put them through a trade school: electrician, welder, and so on.
We are also taking my wife’s younger married sister’s child (age 1 1/2) for two years so that the sister can get her Master’s degree in special education (We are paying her tuition for this degree as we paid her tuition and expenses for her undergraduate degree.). We’ll see how this works out, the child is very willful.
That’s super, Don! I hope that your help for those kids is a great success! There is nothing you can do that makes you feel better than helping people, especially children.
Bob,
This article is very moving. It is nice to know that you can make a difference in someone life. Nicole is a lucky girl to have both of you in her life. Feyma and you are blessed also with being able to help 2 nieces. I know Juramie and I will be in a similar situation someday after retirement here and I am looking forward to the rich friendships that will develop.
Pagpalain ka sana (and Feyma also)
Thank you Jack, I appreciate your input. Good luck also to you and Juramie.
I hope it works out well for you (and her of course). Children have a way of weaving themselves into you heart. I could almost feel what you were feeling in that post.
Very good writing.
I’ts hard not to fall in love with children even though I have raised mine already.
Thanks for the great post.
Thank you very much Randall. I appreciate your input. You are so right that children are powerful at getting you to love them!
This article says a number of things about you Bob. First of all your influence on Jean is part of her process to allow Nicole. Obviously not only growing up, but you making her comfortable with holding her place in the family. That’s a job very well done.
To admit you struggled with the inclusion of Nicole into the family. This shows that your family bond is fantastic, and you are trying not to upset the applecart. Looking forward to the end of raising children is not selfish, but a normal process.
What is not normal is letting a child’s health decline, and you Bob have stepped up to the plate, and hit a grandslam to win the World Series of parenting.
People forget at one time here in the USA children were sent off all the time. It is survival, and it was dominate during the Great Depression. How can one sit by, and watch thier own child diminish in health? Unfortunately in the Phils, and especially in the province birth control is an unknown situation it seems. Feeding one more mouth will take away from another mouth.
One last thought. How could anybody refuse the face of that little Angel. It has to be almost illegal to be that damned CUTE!……..GOOD ON YOUBOB……..i2f
Wow, Imagine! What can I say? Your kind words are greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.
I enjoyed reading of the transition in your thinking from not wanting to extend your child raising years to offering to take Nicole in. Sometimes life steps in and changes our plans.
Bob, are you and Feyma thinking Nicole will be your last addition? Well, you thought that before. “One never knows, do one?” if I may quote the fabulous Fats Waller. I’ll be amused if I read another article like this one in 6 or 7 years.
Bob, you’re doing the work of the Holy Spirit.
Hi Peter – I have thought about it that other “additions” might come along in the future. I am hoping that won’t happen, though! 😆 But, what can I say? 😉
I think what you’re doing is great Bob. I understand ProfDon’s take on the situation but it’s not usually possible to bring a whole families standard of living up to the point that the childs life is made that much better. You can make a difference by doing what you’re doing. We all can help to change the world, one act of kindness at a time.
Thank you Jeff. I have tried to pull up the family from poverty, but they seem to fight me every step of the way! I’m not sure why. So, helping Nicole is the best thing I can think of to do now.
Bob that might make a good future post here..”Pulling up the family from poverty “
Hi Bob,
Good on ya,i think your just a sucker for a pretty face,lol,but nothing wrong with that.
regards,Chas.
I plead guilty, chasdv! 😆
Hey Bob….Do me a favor and elaborate on why this is……. ‘Pretty common’ Quote……
“Giving up a child like that would be very difficult to do, even if you knew that it was a step toward a better life for the child. However, such an action is actually pretty common here in the Philippines”
My wife always states to me that she would love to have her Sister’s little one live with us when we get to the Philippines next year. I keep thinking…”Hey, taking a child away from the Mother who gave birth to her and is raising her and also the father…what are you thinking?”
Take care Bob!
Hi Dennis – Why is it pretty common? I don’t know, it just is. Not trying to be smart or anything.. but it’s kind of like asking “why is it common that Filipinos eat rice?” Well, I don’t know why, but I know they eat a lot of it! 😉
Seriously, this is just something that is very common here, and I see it all the time. Heck, we already have one niece (different mother) living with us as a daughter, and that is not uncommon at all. I guess that a big thing that makes it common is that parents who are less well-to-do let their kids go live with relatives who have more means to offer a good life with good food, good health care and such, so that the child can grow up with more advantages and such. That would be my guess as to why it happens.
I think some one on her in a post said the Fillipinos have been eating and loving rice for over 4,000 years..so maybe it just in their genes now to eat a lot of rice….
here….
Bob,
You’re right about ” Why is it pretty common? I don’t know, it just is. Not trying to be smart or anything.. but it’s kind of like asking “why is it common that Filipinos eat rice?”
My sister’s niece and nephew lived w/ me since they were born and i helped them w/ everything until they’re graduated from high school and would like them to finish college education too but my nephew screwed up and get her gf pregnated , he was only 18 yrs. old, this makes me so mad so now i told him this filipino adage” buntot mo , hila mo” , “bahala ka na sa buhay mo ngayon”
Nowadays i told myself that i will only help those who wanted to make a different out of their life. i commend you Bob for trying” to pulled them up from poverty” but if they didn’t want it, i guess we cannot do anything about it.
Thank you Rebecca. I have certainly been through several times when I tried to help relatives, and they did not appreciate it! I don’t want to go through that again!
Take care.
Hey Bob enjoy your life ,kids will be here today , tomorrow and for the rest of your life so you might as will enjoy them while you can at any age …You know what they say about kids the more the merrier … kids are a gift from heaven Bob so enjoy them …Phil R.
Ha ha… “the more the merrier” is coming true here, Phil!
Bob, I commend you for your desire to help improve the life of that adorable child. I see Todd’s point as well, through our American , well off, eyes, we can not understand how parents can stand the thought of being seperated from their children. TNT workers leaving their kids in a nipa hut with a relative, or the children living in a nice home, watched by a yaya, either way seems to be tragedy. Perhaps that would be a good topic for a LIP investigative report in the future. My wife and I will pray that everything works out according to God’s will for you, your family, and yet another of the Philippines many precious children.
Thank you Dave. Yes, I, like you and Todd, cannot understand how a person could give up a child. But, we always have to remember that we are from a different culture. There are lots of things about Filipino culture that we are unable to understand, at least at first.
I am the father of two adopted girls, both from a country at least as poor as the Philippines. Sometimes the greatest love is giving up your child, so that they have a chance at a future. I can’t imagine that it is easy, but I can see the love behind the act.
Hi Tom – Yes, I agree with you. I can’t imagine ever giving up a child. However, if I was very poor, and knew that by giving up my child, he or she would have a much better chance at life, I might be able to do it. We can never know unless we’ve walked in those shoes.
Bob,
She surely is a little beauty. Then again, I think Filipino kids are the cutest in the world! I honestly mean that. I do hope you take her into your home. It sounds like you can give her a much better quality of life than she has now.
I agree with you about Filipino kids, Marty. They are indeed very cute, perhaps the cutest in the world.
You have a big heart Bob. I often feel that I’d like to take care of all my Filipino nieces and nephews. They are such sweet kids who just need the occasional helping hand. Good for you!
Thank you Mark. I am sure you will get the chance to care for your nieces and nephews and enjoy it greatly.
Hi Bob,
8 years ago we “adopted” a boy whose mother was a shabu addict and had been hospitalised after a skull fracture caused by a beating from the drug dealer for non payment of debt.My daughter then 13 talked us into it so with the families consent I asked his father to give him to us.As you say it is not an easy decision to bring another child into the family – especially as I was nearly 60.It has all worked out well and things never seem to be as difficult as you imagine beforehand. As I have stated before I have no religious beliefs but I believe all of us should try to do some good before we drop off the spar.I personaly have had a marvelous life – far better than most – so I try to do a little for those less fortunate It appears to me that we are somewhat alike in this respect as I have noted over the years your efforts to assist others.
Hi Bryan – I surely am happy that things worked out for you. It’s not always easy when you take in a child like that, but the joys far outweigh any hassles, at least they always have for me. Good luck to you Bryan.
Hey Bob,
Now that it’s been a few months since you write this article, any news with Nicole?
I might be doing this myself someday soon…
Just curious to see how things have developed…
Hi Mike – Nicole has been living with us for several months now. I did write about it maybe 2 months or so ago, perhaps you missed it. She recently started school in Davao, and is enjoying it greatly.
Take care.
Yep, I must have missed the update…Good job, Bob…Sounds to me like you both have given and received wonderful blessings on this one, too.