I have mentioned my son Chris many times on this blog. Chris is 15 years old, and will be 16 later this year. I have mentioned here before that Chris is mentally retarded, and that was part of the reason why we moved here to begin with. We felt that on a personal level there was more available here for somebody with the problems that Chris has, and in the 7 years that we have lived here, I think that our feelings have proven correct.
When we moved here, Chris was 8 years old. He was a good kid, but had problems like I mentioned above, and actually other problems too. One of the most severe problems that Chris had in the USA was allergies. His allergies were very severe there in the States. We lived in an area where a lot of hay was grown, and that really affected him. During the summer months, even if Chris would go outside for 5 minutes or so, his face would be covered in welts, and his eyes would be swollen shut. Sometimes the hay allergy would affect him by giving him a severe nose bleed. The nose bleeds were so bad that he had to have surgery on his nose to try to stop it, although that proved unsuccessful.
Over the years of Chris’ life, we had a pediatrician who was from Puerto Rico. He was a very good doctor, and we loved the guy. Being an immigrant himself, he always seemed to have a special understanding of issues that faced a family like us that had mixed-race kids. He offered a lot of great insights for us. As Chris became a little older, maybe 4 to 6 years old, we mentioned to Dr. Rivera that we might move to the Philippines in the coming years. Dr. Rivera was very open to the idea of us moving here, and he gave us special advice. He told us that our kids, including Chris were not getting younger, and that making such a move would be better for all of us the younger the kids were. Having grown up in a family where we moved a lot to different parts of the country, I understood this. Facing an international move was particularly harder on kids too. The younger the kids were when we moved, the easier it would be for them to adjust.
So, we moved in May of 2000. The first thing that happened for Chris was that his allergies practically disappeared. All I can say is that the kinds of trees and plants here are different from in the USA, so the pollens and such are also different. Apparently, the pollens here agreed with Chris more than the ones back in the States! The nose bleeds that Chris had experience were basically gone too. Chris could go outside and play without paying a price!
One of the huge surprises for me was that within only a month or so, Chris was speaking Cebuano, and doing a pretty good job at it. I would say that in a month he was at least 50% to being fluent, and after about 6 months he spoke Cebuano like he grew up here. He can also speak some Tagalog as well, but mostly Cebuano. It amazed me (and still does) that Chris, with his mental disability was able to learn a new language so easily! Something about being around a whole bunch of cousins and friends in the neighborhood helped Chris learn the new language quickly, and seemingly very easily. I am proud of Chris for that, and it helps show me that Chris has abilities that go beyond what professionals have told us are within his means.
Of our 3 boys, Chris is the one that looks very Filipino. A lot of people would think that Chris is purely Filipino, rather than a Mestizo. Chris has made a great adjustment to living here, and I can’t imagine that he will have the desire to live in the USA ever again in his life. For a person like Chris, there are many things available to him that would be hard to reach in the States. I am talking of the way that he is treated by other people, the friendships that he can have with others here and such. People like Chris are, in many cases not treated well in the States. I don’t mean that people in the USA are mean, but a lot of people there don’t have time to spend helping somebody like Chris, and that is one of the best things here for him.
Chris is well adjusted here, and happy. Moving to the Philippines was certainly one of the best things that ever happened to Chris. I am proud of my son!
Bob, an inspiring story, thanks for sharing it. I know of a lot of younger families with thoughts of moving to the Philippines who push the thoughts aside "until the kids are out of school". Every parent, of course, has to do as they feel best, but I personally think in many cases this is exactly the _wrong_ reason to put off the move.
You posted before about the excellent schooling arrangements you've made … it near-impossible to duplicate the quality of education an involved parent can afford in the Philippines in, say, the US. For special needs children the Philippine opportunities are even more attractive. Once you have a "special" child shunted into "special ed" in the US s/he iis "pigeonholed" by the system, for life, both formally and informally. In the Philippines you can 'roll your own" educational opportunities.
I spent many years with the US military. Today, very few Americans have anything to do with the military, so they do not know the genuine advantages to kids of moving to new environments and getting a broader, often international education. In general it really helps children to grow … even though (especially with teens) the "I don't wanna" factor can be very strong. Once the kids make the move, though, they typically thrive.
The language skills seem particularly to benefit. You should meet two of my nephews, ages going on 2 and going on 3 who live near us. Their grandparents taught all their children English as a first language … this is not as uncommon as some people think, especially for the last generation who went to school under the US flag as Lolo and Lola did. The boy's mom, Mita's sister, of course also speaks Tagalog, and after years of working in the mid-East is also fluent in Arabic. Lola grew up in Zambales so some Ilocano is also not uncommon in the family home. These boys, especially the almost 3 year old. can carry on an actual conversation with adults, shifting easily between English, Tagalog and sprinkling of Arabic and Ilocano thrown in for "spice". And they know the difference. When the two year old says something to me in Tagalog, his older brother will chime in and correct him, "Sami, speak English, Tito David doesn't know Tagalog". This is from a boy who won't be three until the middle of next month.
These boys are bright, happy boys but I don't think they are savants or geniuses, it is just that children have great language skills which our formal educational system seems to do its best to ignore.
Hope I get to meet Chris someday soon.
Hey, he looks like a Pinoy Bob.
Hi Bob:
Kudos to you and Feyma. Your children are really good-looking!
When I came to America I was impressed with the way kids with disability are taken cared of in school. The classroom is well-equipped and paraprofessionals are around to assist the teacher. On one hand, I have a neighbor who has Downs. She lives alone in her apt.; a worker visits her regularly, and perhaps occasionally by her relatives. She takes the bus to work and a worker drives her home most of the time. Allowing her to live in a house/apt alone may never happen in the Phils ! It kills me to think that she has nobody to talk to after work. Chris is blessed to be in a loving and caring environment and people.
Bob,
There's something wonderful about your willingness to let us in to your daily life in ways that is more than just superficial. I can relate. One of my sons was born oxygen deprived which has impaired his brain functions. He lives in Southern California where physical perfection is practically expected. There have been times when it has been tough to see him struggle, and be ill treated by other kids. I think the Philippines is a kinder, gentler place, and I'm glad Chris gets to live the life he does.
For myself personally, I can identify with the allergy thing. My father (white American) married my mother, ( Chamorro- a native of Guam – they look pretty much like Filipinos), and we lived in New York where I was plagued by allergies. It almost seemed like I lived in hospitals when I was little. When I was seven though, we moved to Guam; I grew up there and never had a moment of allergies. So let's list allergy relief as another benefit to moving to the Philippines, folks!
I came by this site only a few days ago, and had some time to read some of the posts made by Bob and Feyma. I can tell there is a lot of love in the family, and you are sharing it also with those around you. I am so happy for your family. I wish you incredible success, both financially, and more important, in your family relationship, now and forever.
Hi Dave – Thanks for your nice comments. Our kids are also like your little nephews, they can switch back and forth between languages effortlessly depending on whom they are speaking to. It is really amazing!
Hi Macky – It's funny you would say that! Almost all people we know say that Chris looks more like Feyma, where our other two boys look like me. A few people do insist that Chris looks like me, though! 🙂
Hi Jul – Thanks for your kindness. People like Chris, and your neighbor have a hard life in the States because of isolation and such. Like you, I feel for people like that.
Hi Kevin K – Chris also had a bout with a lack of oxygen during birth, although it was only minor. Problems like being picked on by other kids and such are so common in the States, but Chris rarely experiences that here. It does make for a nicer life for him.
Hi Jae – Thank you very much for your kind words. Feyma and I appreciate it so much!
hi bob, chris does look like his mom , i know about allergies i have them but since i moved to alaska i have had no problems, i hope it will be the same when i move there to davao.
Hi Bob,
Chris is Tisoy, a perfect combination of Feyma and you! 😀
Hi Ken – Yep, that's what I feel too, regarding who Chris looks like! I have been amazed at how he has done with his allergies after moving here!
Hi Tina – Yes, he is certainly Tisoy. I feel that he favors Feyma more than me, though! 😉
Hi Bob everything good for you about Chris. Maybe your son
need love of the people and find love from philippine people
I think so.
Hi Bob,
you have a pretty looking boy there Bob! I hope he enjoys a wonderful life here in his new country, something that he may never experience anywhere else.
I also want you to know that i admire you bob, of what you are willing to give for your family. Its hard to be far from your other family and from the place you were born, but you stick to Feyma and your kids. I read some of your post and i know that one of your reason in living here is bec of the education for your kids. There are few people who would do something like that you know? I'm glad you made the right choice and that all went well.
– abou the allergy, funny, but i have a friend who is stricken with a serious allergy when he still thre in the us. He said that he cant stay long in open air bec his skin would turn really red and itchy. He almost never experienced it in here, he said.
Hi Zois – I think you are right.
Hi Jerico – Thank you for your nice comments. I really appreciate it.
Wow …… handsome kid. His looks must have come from Feyma! 😀
Hi Ken from S.C. – Hey… I'm not arguing! ha ha….
Hello Bob, I feel for Chris when it comes to allergy. I developed a very bad pollen allergy after my first yr here in US. I decided to do the allergy shot next week and hopefuly it will help. About disability, I agree with isolation with peers and sometimes with adults. Infact, a lot of school system here are still working on the inclusion program for Special Ed. I hope it will be a full swing, I advocate on it.
Hi Mahdy – Thanks for your comment. The program that you mention for kids with disabilities is usually called "mainstreaming." In my experience, mainstreaming is not good for somebody like Chris. He was in a public school for a couple years where he was mainstreamed in with the other kids, and it lead to a lot of pressure on him. Firstly, a kid like Chris cannot keep up with the pace of the other kids, and that makes them feel pressured. Secondly (and most important), the "regular" kids tend to pick on the kids with special needs, bullying them or teasing them a lot. I guess that is just they nature of kids – they pick on those who are weaker or different than the rest. If mainstreaming could be fixed in these respects, I think it would be good too, but as it is now, it makes life harder for a kid like Chris.