Hi to all ladies that want to come back here for good. I am writing regarding my adjustments here. I’ve been living here with my family for almost 8 years now. It is not been an easy journey for me. It started really rough on me and our second child. Just a month after arriving here I was ready to go back to the States. I was really in a bad shape here. The depression was high. As you know I had to re adjust to living here. I really felt I lost my friends, my freedom. I mean freedom like driving my own vehicle. I tried driving here and I just did it for a few weeks until I almost ran into a mom and a kid. It really freaked me out. I told Bob I will never try to drive here again. Its crazy and scary. I don’t want to die now. I had 4 kids to take care of. I think it took me like 3 years to finally adjust here.
Honestly at first you would be so negative here about almost everything. I think its normal though. It’s not easy to lose the privacy that you are used to in the place where you are from. Then seeing the less fortunate people living near you. I wasn’t feeling guilty, its just the feeling sorry for them all the time. It’s hard to see at first.
Now, I have some moments that I really miss the States. Like I really love to do crafting. As you know there are no good craft stores here in the Davao. I like to decorate bird houses. I love to go to the antique shop, even just browsing around. I also missed the time when I used to do volunteer work at the school of my son. I was recently invited to do volunteer work to the under privileged kids. I am going with the Bisaya teacher of Bob to help the orphan kids to do some crafts. I am excited. That will be fun.
Really all in all I love living here now. My son that wanted to go back before likes living here now too. He said he just wants to visit Granny someday. For almost 8 years we didn’t go back yet to the States for a visit. No sense of us going there my mother-in-law comes here to the Philippines regularly anyway. She’s the only family that we have in the States anyway. I talk to my friends fairly regularly too, so I still connect with them and get some scoop about them and their family.
Life is good here. I can’t complain! Good luck for you that want to retire here. Just really have patience and try to enjoy the adjustment process. Don’t give up easy. Give yourself some time.
Happy living here! Cheers!
hi feyma.. im going to the states sometime in april for some business meetings and back right away after 2 weeks.. i can look out some crafts for you if you like.. or maybe we have it in cebu also..we have some craft materials in the malls here.. just let me know if i can help.. take care
Hi Feyma, I might say ALSO the MEN will get problems. Very good post indeed.I observed the same with ROSE. As you said: DON'T GIVE UP AND TAKE YOUR TIME. This advice should be given to both sides: the Filipina partner and the ex pat partner. If both don't work on it… 🙄 . – We are here now in our 10th year, and we still miss something from Germany.
hi Feyma! I am glad I found this website and your blog. My husband and I are in the exact situation you were 8 years ago. At this time, we are in the planning stage but still I am slightly nervous and at the same time excited about it. Hope I could consult with you more. 🙂
Hi Feyma – Jim and I will be joining the Phiilippine lifestyle soon. We have been visiting the Phils almost every six months in the last three years to kind of slowly adapt to life in the Phils. Fortunately when we visit, we have been staying in our own house that we built so it gave us a taste of what's it like. It's like a "dummy run" really. Jim got the chance to learn more about the Phil culture and integrate with the locals. During our visit in 2005 we were treated as balikbayans and we got lots of frequent visitors to welcome us. The more we visited, the number of visitors became less and less. Last year we found that we were already being treated like the locals, we didn't get as many social calls anymore. In fact, only my Mum and the helper came when we arrived and that's just to hand over the house keys. People just left us alone to get on with our daily life. We were nolonger balikbayans, we were just one of them. We do know that there will be a lot of adjusting still to do when we do get to live there permanently and it will be an adventure.
Hi athena – Thank you so much for the offer.Thats really nice of you. I will let you know.
Hi Klaus – Yeah you are right the guys also needs adjustments. Really its more for both people. But in our case I am the one who had a hard time.
Anyway, I am happy for you and Rose. I am sure you guys and us will be here in Davao for a long time. Cheers to that!
Hi mixxy – Its normal for you to get scared. We've been there before. Its not easy process. Just don't give up.
Sure you can ask me sometimes. You can email me privately if you want. Good luck to you and your hubby!
Hi Marilou – I'm getting excited for you too. Thats good to know that you are getting the feel of it now how to live here. Thats a good start for you and Jim.
Your counting the days now for you guys to come.
Good luck to you and Jim. Take care!
It sounds like your homesick feyma for your other home 🙂
Hi Graham – Sometimes… 😉 😉 😉
I appreciate your candidness on this subject, Feyma. I agree…this is something that should not be taken lightly – in other words, I'm nervous myself about the changes we're about to make. At the same time, I say why not? Life is always about making changes anyhow. As one who aspires to reclaim her birth culture, I can only hope to make the best of the remaining years of my life.
I am looking forward to have my herb garden, sew my own clothes like I used to, do creative interior design of my new home, do my daily yoga, and maybe, just maybe finish my book. That should keep me busy, eh? No driving for me there, I'll send somebody to do my groceries. Thanks for the tip.
Hi Feyma. Somehow I missed this post.
This can be a very sensitive issue but somebody has to ask it. I'm sure a lot of readers are curious too especially those with youngsters. This can be a whole different article altogether for you to blog.
You alluded to above with your first born in wanting to go back to the U.S. at the early days.
My question is: How did you and Bob reconcile the debate about the future of the kids? Right or wrong the cliche is: " there are more opportunities for the kids if they grow up in the U.S. rather than in the Philippines".
Of course they always will have the option later to go back on their own but it will be a different culture for them.
This is a value call of course (there's no right or wrong) but I'm interested with what everybody here are philisophically inclined to explain. Personally, I'm agonizing on this issue. I'm sure I'm not alone.
Hi Dr. Sponk Long – With regards to the kids, I think they could had a lot going here. We know of people(Fil-Am) who their kids grow up here. The kids are now very successful businessmen. We asked them before if they ever had a desire when growing up to live in the States, all of them said NO. They said vacation there is okay but not to live. Honestly I also ask my son about it if he would want to live in the States he told me that no. He just wants to visit Granny later though.
Bob and I would never tell our kids no if ever they want to go back, but right now I could not see any desire from them to go back.
I really understand your agony on this matter. That was our fear before. Its hard. Luckily nowadays with the internet you can ask some advice from other people who have been through those path.
Good luck to you!
Yeah, I agree. There aren't a lot of craft stores here in Davao. I recently started a hobby in crochet. Unfortunately, I can only do with so much, since the yarn selections here aren't as wide. Sigh.
Anyway, since you seem to have the resources, why don't you just start a craft store business here? I'll be a loyal customer, guaranteed. 😀
Thanks a lot Feyma.
I can indeed symphatise that in terms of growing up, kids in the Philippines have a lot more going for them. Interpersonal relationships and especially friendships are 'deeper' among their peers. There is more 'meaning of life' thing.
My observation is there are a lot of kids here in the U.S. who lack the zeal and motivation to do more … 'above and beyond'. There is the attitude of 'entitlement'. There is boredom. There is the feeling of the abscense of purpose. Depression is rampant.
I think as you or Bob may have said or alluded to from previous posts that it's important to move while the kids are still very young …or something along those lines. I agree with that.
You sealed my future decision with your answer above.
In another thought, You and Bob are doing some pioneering work here and I think it will not be presumptuous for me to say that your readers appreciate both of you for sharing your family's journey.
Cheers!