Last week, I wrote a column about things that I like to do with my time, and how retirement time could be filled up with doing these things that you enjoy. Today, I’d like to tell a little story about a time when I met somebody for the first time. His name is Manial. I met Manial in Datu Montawal, Maguindanao during a trip there.
As I said in my article last week, I enjoy traveling in the ARMM (Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao). On this particular day, I had passed through Sultan Kudarat Province, into Maguindanao, North Cotabato and back to Maguindanao before returning to Davao City. On my way back through Maguindanao, while I was passing through Datu Montawal Town (which is located right on the east bank of the Rio Grande de Mindanao River), I saw this Muslim man walking along the side of the highway. Feyma was with me, and I told her that I wanted to stop and talk with this gentleman. I am not sure why I decided to talk to him, it just seemed like the right thing to do.
I pulled over the car, got out and went and talked to the man. He was surprised, but happy to meet me. Manial told me that he really liked Americans and had always hoped that someday he could meet an American. Well, I guess that it was his lucky day (and mine) when we met! We talked for a few minutes, and after a while I asked Manial if it would be OK for us to have a photograph together. Manial got a little worried and asked “what is the purpose of the photo?” “Just for friendship,” I replied. A big smile came on Manial’s face and he said “of course!” So, we posed together and Feyma snapped a shot.
After Feyma shot a few pictures, Manial asked me if I could mail him a copy of the photo, and he gave me his address where I could send it. About a week later, I had the photos printed and included a note for Manial:
Hi Manial,
It was so nice to meet you last week, I enjoyed it a great deal! I was very happy that we were able to meet, and I hope that someday we can see each other again.
Best regards,
Bob
I sent off the photo and the letter for Manial, and I figured that was the end of the nice experience. About two weeks later, I had to go to General Santos City for a conference that I had been invited to attend. I was gone just one day. When I got home, Feyma told me that she had quite an experience while I was gone, and I asked her, “What happened?” Feyma said that a taxi had pulled up to our gate, and Manial had gotten out! He had a suitcase with him! He immediately said “Where’s Bob?” Feyma told him that I was not there, and he proceeded to tell Feyma that he would be staying with us at our house, and that his family would be coming in about a week to join us! Oh boy….. When I told Manial that I hoped to see him again, he took it very literally!
Feyma informed Manial that she would not be able to let him stay over, because I was not there, and she was not supposed to let people stay at the house while I was gone. Of course, this was a convenient excuse, but it did get her out of the bind while not making Manial lose face too.
Indeed, I would enjoy meeting Manial again. Maybe someday I’ll show up at his place!
Oh boy, what could your reaction be if you were around, Bob ? 😆
Oh Dear… LOL LOL! So glad you were not home, LOL LOL! What would you have done? 😆
Hi Bob,
Oh boy, what a surprise?! I had a similar experience although not as drastic because my "visitor" did not show up yet. But on a similar note, he had the courage to suggest that since he wants to see the USA, can he just spend his vacation (RR leave from Dubai) and stay with me and can he ask his wife and kids to come to the USA, too, and could they all meet at my house since they really want to see the Golden Gate Bridge?
And the bomb was this: can I help foot some of the airplane fare since he has 4 kids coming, plus his wife??
I almost fainted at the audacity of the suggestion. This was a guy who I was helping (advicing him on various things) thru a discussion group. Since he wasn't too savvy with the internet, he would forward me emails from his kids and I would respond to him and explain things. Some of them were related to school work but the kids were still using the internet cafe and so time was limited.
I figured it's a little time investment from me and would mean a lot to a faraway Dad who wanted to help his kids prosper in school.
Little did I know that my generous spirit was being overextended to fit their own definition.
Now I'm a lot more careful not to get into a position where people feel too comfortable. And oh yes, I've gotten phone calls from some "visitors" who I don't even know because my phone number has been passed around.
HA HA!
Once I was talking to one of my wifes distant cousins, he lived locally and came to visit us just for a chat. Before he left I suggested that he should come back and have a beer with me one day, as you do out of politeness/friendship.
He came back about an hour later with all his friends, about 15 of them! They were expecting an all night drinking session.
I was shocked and actually a little angry at the time. My understanding of things back then was even worse than it is now!
I gave them 2 cases of sarsi, told them I had stomach ache, apologized and went in the house! I feel a bit guilty about it now but it was a lesson worth learning!
Even worse was when my wife offered to help a poor woman with her baby. My wifes intention was to give the woman some money and clothes for her baby.
The next day the woman brought her baby around to the house with the intention of leaving it with us!!
Regards
Phil
Hi Jul & Cheryll Ann – Ha ha… I already told Feyma that had I been around, I most likely would have invited Manial to stay with us for a few days. It actually would have been interesting to know him more! 😆
Oh my God, now the stories are coming out…
Phil, did this happen in the Philippines? Do you live there now? (No need to be too specific as to location, I just want an idea. My experience was with a Filipino OFW, thru a yahoogroup, although at the time it was known as eGroups.com)
Hi angie – Ha ha… yes, that is quite similar to what happened to me, isn't it? I neglected to say that we actually did help out Manial with his travel expenses. Feyma gave him P300 to pay for his bus ride back to Datu Montawal. I suppose he would have had trouble paying it himself, and it's a small amount anyway – a small amount between friends! 😉
Hi Phil – Funny how things that are just a courtesy or a polite thing to say in our minds are taken so very literally by others!
Hi Angie,
It happened in the philippines, we have a small house there and were there on holiday at the time. The woman seemed to think we would take her baby back to the uk!
Phil
Hi Bob,
Enjoyed the article a lot. The story is along the lines of whimsical, funny and sweet. Manial seems like a interesting and friendly guy.
I'd pay to watch an indie film starring the two of you.
Hi macky – Ha ha…. how about an action/comedy? Bob & Manial's Excellent Adventure in Maguindanao! Ha ha…. 😀
Yeah, when I look at the picture, Manial does seem like a sweet and innocent person. He doesn't seem threatening at all, though I'd think Feyma probably had a moment of discomfort when he showed up unexpectedly. 😆
Bob, a "Best of Bob's Blog" can depict what living in the Philippines is like. And this merits a chapter to illustrate "differences in communication styles."
HYSTERICAL !!! NEVER A DULL MOMENT IN THE PHILIPPINES !!!
I can relate a similar story but from New Zealand, not the Philippines, to show that these things can happen anywhere in the world.
Some years back when my (now deceased) wife was in the supermarket she overheard a woman customer saying how their house had been burnt down. My wife stepped forward and said if the people would like to come to our address we have old childrens bikes, clothes etc in the garage which they could have (these people had children).Well to cut a long story short the visits started to become regular for other provisions. I very quickly had to put a stop to what was happening and be very blunt with those people. At the time it is a hard thing to do and can be quite stressful. Communication is so important and this shows it can fall down even between people of the same culture and not just between people of different cultures.
Hi Bob,
Feyma did mention this incident to me when I met you guys. She seemed a little perturbed then. I don't blame her. Could you imagine an entire family moving in with you for who knows how long? 😆
Yup, I know a Filipina who changed her number (unlisted) because she kept getting unexpected house guests from the Philippines. She lives in Manhattan and they just call her from the airport asking her if they could stay with her. 😆
HILARIOUS! hehehehe 😆 I am laughing so much I think I am going to piss on my chair. Are these people for real? LOL LOL LOL!
Guess it does not pay to be too friendly, LOL LOL LOL! 😆
Tina – wow some people are SOOO RUDE – that's terrible, LOL LOL!
Hi Cheryll Ann,
When in the Philippines, she probably says "When you come to New York, give me a call." and that's what they did! Literally! 😆
You know we have Filipino friends in US, who always tell us oh stay with us, etc (before my siblings went to study in US) we never stayed with them. We always got a hotel, LOL LOL! 😀
I mean these people have work and you can't just disrupt their lives, by showing up and staying with them. LOL LOL LOL!
Hi angie – Yeah, I think that Feyma did get a bit of a shock to the system when that taxi door opened up and Manial got out! Ha ha….
Hi brian – Yep, it's the land of wonders! Never a dull moment.
Hi Richard – Quite a story! I can imagine your discomfort! It's a shame for people to take advantage of your kindness like that!
Hi Tina – Yep! I think that incident happened right about the time you were here, or shortly before! I remember us laughing about it!
Hi Cheryll Ann – Friendliness only goes so far, right? 😆
Hi Tina – That's almost exactly how the incident happened with Manial!
Hi Cheryll Ann – You know, it is like that for me here in Mindanao. So many people know me because of my various websites. I have so many people who say "stay at my house when you pass through town!" Sometimes Feyma and I will get in the car after hearing that and one of us will say "do you think he was really serious about us staying at his house?" We'll laugh, but are never quite sure if he really meant it. If somebody tells me that 2 or 3 times, then I take it seriously. For example, AmericanLola has told us many times that she wants us to stay at their house when in CdO. She has said it very genuinely, and often enough that we know it is a serious offer, and we will take her up on it some day soon. With others, you can't be sure, though. 🙂
When someone (esp. if it's a person I just met) says "good meeting you, hope we see each other again…" or "let's keep in touch…" or some other commonly polite way to end a conversation, I don't take it that seriously.
I'm usually thankful for the brief friendly encounter but don't put too much meaning into it unless there other clues as to the seriousness of the "offer." For instance, if I am given a business card and better yet, if a home phone or cell phone was offered in addition to the business number, that's somewhat serious. Or if I get a follow-up email or phone call (provided I also gave my number), seeking to strengthen the acquaintance, that's another clue.
Otherwise brief encounters are a daily occurrence. If we take all these casual conversations seriously, we might end up running a "hotel" for casual drop-ins. 😡
Hi angie – good words of advice! I like your idea of how to judge the authenticity of the offer based on whether numbers were exchanged and such.
😆 😆 😆
Oh boy I'm really gonna get fired over this blog. I'd better not read anything on this blog while in the office, my boss was wondering why i'm laughing when supposedly doing some layout designs!
Hi Angie or Tina, Could you take me in while i'm still looking for a job over there in the US? Don't worry about the plane ticket though, Bob will take care of it, will you Bob?
HAHAHAHA
Hi Rey – Haha… I wouldn't want to cause the loss of your job!
Plane ticket? Hmm… I'll have to think about it! 😆
Hahaha reminds me of a differant kind of pickle I got into that was simular in nature. During my first few visits to the philippines I spent long hours in conversation with my wifes family and friends, Both they and me being very interested in each other and the differances in our worlds.
Some few months after returning to the states during a call home my wife turns to me and tells me that her father wanted to know when I was going to send the chickens. I ask what chickens ? Her reply was that I had promised to send her father some game cocks from america. I may be crazy but I do not have amnesia. I was certian that I never promised to send chickens to the philippines. Over the next year occasionaly there would be an inquiry as to when I was going to do something or other that I had supposedly promised to one of her family members. Jeez I couldnt figure this out. I knew that I hadnt made any promises to anyone. After lengthy talks with my wife I finaly figured out that anything I had suggested or mentioned during one of my previous conversations with her family and friends was taken in the context of a promise. Oh Lord what was I going to do ? Well to make a long story short, due to the miscommunication problem I relented and and fulfilled some of the supposed promises but not all. You can bet that from that time forward I was real careful about what we talked about and how it was interpitated.
I did try to send the chickens and some eggs but all this was going on just after 9-11 and you couldnt have gotten a chicken or egg on a plane if you had shot it out of a cannon at the cargo hold
Hello All,
I think this all boils down to Filipino hospitality. In the Philippines, you do get house guests from time to time, usually relatives or close friends, who stay for weeks and you think nothing of it. It's easy over there because you have the room plus the help so your life isn't disrupted that much.
Outside the Philippines, it's a little more difficult because you don't have help, plus you have your daily routine that is definitely going to be disrupted. Add to this guests who are used to having help at home and don't know a thing or two about making coffee, fixing breakfast, doing the laundry, etc. By the time they leave, you're a nervous wreck! It's not anyone's fault, it's just the way it is. 🙁
😆 Sorry, Rey, my husband has laid down ground rules when we got married. Hearing similar stories from Filipino friends, he said that only immediate relatives can stay with us. It has worked for us, so far… 😉
Hi Lea – I’m glad you enjoyed the story! Yes, I have learned to watch my words a little more closely now! I guess that daily life is a good teacher!
Hello Bob – this story made my day!
Hi marygrace – I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
Hi Tina – Yep, I agree about the hospitality thing.
Hi Clay – Thanks for the laugh!
I was laughing out loud when I read your story. 🙂
You need to be careful when you say those polite words to Filipinos in the Phils., esp. the ones who doesn't have a clue about western culture. I call these polite words as lip service. Not all, but some people, say these words out of politeness. People say it but don't mean it. I'm not referring to your experience though, as you've said, though you're not expecting it, you wouldn't have mind it.
That was good what Feyma did though, giving him the money. At least both parties did not lose face.
Actually since I started visiting this blog, this remains my all-time favorite story I have yet read. It is humorous, touching, somewhat surreal yet indeed real, poignant, just a very down-to-earth human interest story.
We need more Manial stories to remind us that life is spontaneous and colorful!
Hi angie – I'm happy that you have enjoyed this story! I'll try to write more along this line, as I do have plenty of such stories to tell!