Live in the Philippines

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Monday was a big day

Family / by

This past Monday, December 14, was a big day in the Martin Household.  That date is always special for us, because it is our eldest son’s birthday, but this year it was extra special.  Our eldest son, Chris, turned 18 this past monday.  I have to say, that I had mixed emotions on the big day.

Firstly, of course, I was quite proud of our son.  Eighteen is a big birthday, because it is sort of the birthday on which you enter the gateway to being an adult, at least in my culture.  After the age of 18 you are no longer considered a minor, and in most aspects of life you become an adult at that age.  So, my wife and I certainly felt quite proud of Chris on this big day.

On the other hand, it was quite eye opening for Feyma and I to suddenly have a child who was really already an adult.  It sort of represents us entering a different stage of our own lives.  I still think of us as being quite young ourselves, but having a child who is already 18 certainly signifies that being young will soon become a thing of the past for us in many ways.

Truth be told, Chris is one of the main reasons that we decided to move to the Philippines a decade ago.  You see, for those who don’t already know, Chris is a special child.  That is what they call it here in the Philippines.  In the US, where I come from, they would say that he has some developmental disabilities, or something harsher.  I have to say, here in the Philippines they deal with these kinds of topics in a bit more gentle way, more respectful.

The reason that Chris was one of the driving forces for us to move here is because there is more family here to help take care of him and his problems.  In the USA, people, even family, are often too busy to help out with a situation like this.  Here, though, family will take time away from what they are doing to help a family member who needs assistance.  Also, the number of family members here who could show Chris love and support was a real attraction to coming to the Philippines.

For his birthday, I decided to give Chris a little treat.  I took him to the new branch of Brothers Burger in Damosa.  Just me and him, sort of a “boys day out” kind of affair!  To celebrate his entry into manhood, I bought him a big one pound burger and watched as he enjoyed it!  And, he did enjoy it a lot.  We had a nice talk about his special day, about his dreams for the future and that kind of thing.  It was a special day for me and Chris.

Later in the day some of our friends came over for dinner and we had a nice birthday dinner, and Chris enjoyed seeing everybody.

Moving to the Philippines turned out to be a really good thing for Chris.  He seems much happier here than he did in the USA, and I am glad that he is.

It’s kind of a funny feeling for me to have a son who is already 18 years old, but I am also really proud of him!

Happy Birthday, Chris!

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Comments

  1. Congratulations to Chris!

    As for you, we all get older. You and I are about the same age, I believe, and my oldest just turned 18 in November. It is odd to have an adult child, isn’t it? It all happened way too fast!

    • Hi Tom N – Yeah, I think we are of similar ages. I will be 48 in February. It will take me some time to get accustomed to having a child who is already and adult! And yes… it happened way, way too fast!

  3. “Happy Birthday Chris” from us here in Rhode Island.

    Bob Im sure you can appreciate where I am at. My ONLY Son Graduated from College, got a job as a Scientist and moved out of state all within the last year. Talk about entering another phase of life.
    But at least Im not as OLD as you are, I will be 48 in March.

    • Hi Neal – Ha ha… you got me there! I was thinking you might be a bit older than I am! Well, my birthday is toward the end of February, so I’m not far ahead of you! 😆

      • “Manong Bob” that has a ring to it.
        Dont be expecting me to put your hand to mu forehed, that is where I draw the line.

          • Hi, Bob- Just woke up from a late afternoon nap to call my first-born son, Tarik, to wish him a happy birthday today, the 15th here. His Mom is at his house in Frederick, MD, for the birthday celebration and dinner. Congratulations to Chris upon his rite of passage to adulthood. He has Feyma’s eyes and high cheekbones. Good looking kid, I mean, man. 🙂

  4. Hi Bob,
    Congratulations to Chris.
    I had to wait for adulthood until 21 in my day,and you feel old lol.

    regards Chas.

  5. Bob, That is a nice story. Chris is a lucky young man and your a lucky almost old father. Its pretty obvious that you have this stuff figured out-the father thing is what I mean. Your family is special and I know you and Feyma are proud parents and in love with each other. Happy Birthday Chris.

    • Hi Ron – well, my friend… truth is that I have to work every day to make sure I have this father thing figured out! It’s not always as easy as it would seem, as I am sure you know too!

      Thank you for your kind words, Ron.

  6. Belated Happy Birthday, Chris. More power & more birthdays!

    Sir Dad – How will you feel when Chris turns 30? 😉

    • Hi Ann – I’ll pass along your wishes to Chris, he will be very happy!

      Based on some of the stuff that he and I have been discussing lately… I am betting his wish had something to do with finding a girlfriend! 😉

  9. Hi Bob and congrats on moving to the older adult world. My youngest turned 21 a few months ago while serving his country in Iraq. I have two sons both of which are serving and a lovely daughter who has given me a lovely grand daugter whois currently fast asleep on my couch. It really gets bad when they all leave home and there is just you and the wife there. But I believe in the Philippines that comes at a much older age than in the States.

    • Hi Dan – Congratulations on having two sons serving the country! I will pray for their safety as they do their service for us all.

      In the case of Chris, I expect that he won’t ever leave home. I hope that someday he is able to, but I kind of doubt it will happen.

  10. Happy Birthday, Chris! I have a nephew that is a special child, also. He is 26 now. It seems I am his favorite uncle as most of the family has no time for him.

    My best friend there (an american) says to stay here because the VA doctors take good care of me. That being true, but, if I ever need help because of my total disability, the Philippines is the place to be.

    Bob, you and Feyma did the right thing by moving Chris there. If only my mom wasn’t terminal (over two years now and still with us), I could move there and have more help than I could stand.

    • Hi Ed – I do believe that coming here was the best that could have happened for Chris.

      Keep treating your nephew special, Ed. People with special needs really appreciate it so much when they find somebody who gives them attention, and I am sure that he values it even more than you could possibly know!

    • Ed, they have an outstanding VA clinic here. This is the only country that has one outside of the U.S. In fact they are building a new, bigger one to open next year.

  11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS ON THE 14TH YOURS TRULY HERE WAS 59 ON THE 15TH.HE HAS GOT A LONG WAY TO GO TO CATCH ME UP.

  13. He looks just like you (poor kid – Joke!) A good looking young man. Is he your oldest child? I know you said he was your eldest son. I just got from two weeks in the U.S. with my granddaughter! Talk about feeling old!

    • Hi Miguk – Very few people say he looks like me, most think he looks like his mother! Yes, he is my oldest child. Next, I have two 13 year olds, so I have a reprieve for a while!

  14. kamusta bob
    nice to see you and chris had a mans day together.actually my son from phil just turned 3 on the 12th.it was the first birthday we had together and it was awsome.did you and chris discuss his future plans after he graduates from highschool?i do also have a learning problem.its dislexia.i can learn the same things but taught in a different way.some things like fixing boats or building and carpentry are easy for me but when it comes to studying for a test or whatever forget about it.difficult to retain alot of info.
    thanks for sharing your article.
    salamat my friend

    • Hi Ron – Congrats to our child, I hope he had a great birthday.

      Chris is mentally retarded, and he won’t really ever finish high school. He has a tutor who comes and teaches him weekly, though.

      Take care, Ron!

  16. I too have an 18 year old so Bob born when I was your age -48. The thought of starting a new family in my late forties was daunting but it was the best thing in the world keeps me young and in touch with the world.What you say about special needs children in the Philippines is so true – my wife has a niece who is severely mongoloid and requires constant care.There seems to a be more compassion and understanding here than in the West,the attitude is completely different and gives a better quality of life to special children.

  19. Congratulations to Chris. Having an adult son does make you realise that time is passing. Our son Daniel, was 19 yesterday Bob! Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2010 to you and Feyma and all the kids and family
    Regards
    Malcolm and Jenny

  20. Good on you and and happy birthday to Chris Bob, he’s a lucky young man to have such a loving family.

  21. Malipayong adlawng natawhan, Chris. Juramie and I wish you daghan (many) more happy birthdays.

    Juramie and her family surprised me with Manyanita at 4:30 AM when we visited Tagbubunga. I was honored to get the traditional birthday greeting. I loved the singing, dancing and flowers with friends and family. It was an incredible experience.

  22. Dear Chris,

    Happy Birthday to you!

    Don’t put a rush on that “girlfriend” thing. The right girl will come along and you’ll know it when it hits you.

    Fondly,

    Tito Jon

    Bob and Feym,

    Congratulations to rearing wonderful sons…

    Jon

  23. A belated Happy Birthday Chris, hope you had a great birthday!

    You are right Bob, growing older kind of happens without you knowing it. You and I are similar ages (I’m 49 in January), and I most definitely think of myself as still young. (I still have to make my first million, for example). My kids, however, are only six and two, and they certainly keep me feeling young. Also, Vangie wants another (as do I), maybe in a year or so, but not any later, otherwise I will be hearing people tell me I have lovely grandchildren. 🙂 I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have an “ault” child, but I guess it won’t seem like too long before I’m finding out.

    • Hi Jim – Kids can indeed keep you feeling young. But, then again, when they keep you working too hard they make you feel old! It’s a trade off! 😀 Just teasing.. I love my kids, and would never trade them for anything.

  24. Hi Bob
    You are a lucky man to have such a wonderful family.
    Please wish Chris a happy birthday for me!!!
    Regards

  25. Yes BoB , it.s great , and congretulations to you all.
    As for us , our youngest daughter got 18 .
    Now i feel realy old [ 67 on 18 December ]
    What i want to ask you ,
    is it a good thing , to go by bus from Davao to Iligan.
    I am looking for diffirent routes for our holida,s
    in July-August .
    And in advance we send you and your family the
    warmest Cristmas Greetings .
    Gr . Anton

    • Hi Anton – We send you and yours a Christmas Greeting as well! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas! Thank you for your nice comment!

      The best way to get to Davao via bus would be Iligan-CdO-Bukidnon-Davao.

  26. Powerful story Bob, thank you for sharing. Family love in the Philippines is something most westerners will never understand until they allow themselves to be embraced by it. It truly is priceless and you can really tell when someone has it, you, Chris and your family definitely have it. Congrats to Chris and to you, the love you gave to him all those years ago will be more valuable than a lifetime of love you could have given to him in the US.

    Ingat

    Rob

  27. Hi, Bob!

    It’s so nice to know that you and your son, Chris have such a strong father-and-son relationship throughout all these years! And Wow! He’s already 18! and practically now a young man! Truly, Chris is blessed to have such a wonderful father. My father passed away in a vehicular accident when I was 14, and it was indeed one of my saddest moments in my life. I do hope you and Chris (and the rest of your family) will celebrate many, many more birthdays together!

    Happy Birthday, Chris!

    • Hi JR – I am sorry to hear that your father passed away when you were a boy, that is very sad. I hope that you have gotten over that sad event.

      Thank you for your kind words.

  28. Hi, Bob!

    Yes, well, after 20 years, somehow my mother and two brothers have already gotten over that sad event in our lives. My dad was our breadwinner. It was really difficult for all of us especially at first, but we thank God, our relatives and friends who comforted us and gave us hope to help us carry on in life.

    Actually, I’m now celebrating my own birthday today! ha! ha! That makes me and Chris both Sagittarians. And as natural-born archers of the Zodiac, we are known to be high aimers! I’m sure Chris, despite his handicap, will have so much more to accomplish in life, especially with a loving family to support him! I also like the fact that our birthdays are near Christmas; it gives that Christmas spirit to the celebration! Cheers! 🙂

  29. Hi, Bob!

    Thanks! I also hope you’ll have more joyful Christmases together with family and friends! 🙂