Last week, I wrote an article about my socialization experience, going with my Bisaya teacher to have a snack at the Bankerohan Market in Davao. I talked about my interaction with the vendors there, the customers and such, how I spoke Bisaya with them, almost exclusively, and how I felt about the experience. It was a good expeience for me, and I was happy to be able to enjoy the experience.
This past weekend, I had another socialization experience, actually, my whole family did this time. It was an experience that was again good for me, and this time it was also good for my kids. Feyma enjoyed herself too, but I doubt that she gained much socialization from the experience, since she is already culturally part of the Philippines, and has experienced much of what we did.
The event was a birthday party that we attended. Once again, my Bisaya teacher, Bebe, was part of the event. Bebe’s youngest daughter, Lanilou had her 11th birthday, and we were invited. A number of things made this a fun, and educational event for the family.
Firstly, while Bebe and her family would not be counted as part of the lower or poor class, they are certainly in an economic class lower than ours. I don’t say this as anything bad, or against Bebe. I love Bebe, and I love her family too. With Bebe, I think of her as if she were my sister. I respect the things that she tells me, and I enjoy spending time with her. So, I’ll just make it clear up front, in no way am I trying to put Bebe down when I say that she is of a lower economic class than we are, I am only stating a fact. I think that if Bebe reads this (and she does read this site regularly) she would agree with that statement, and she would not feel hurt by it.
So, going to Bebe’s house to celebrate her daughter’s birthday is an experience that is “outside the box” for my kids. They don’t often get a chance to mix with kids of this economic class. I feel that such an opportunity is a huge opportunity for my kids to get to see how others live, and how it differs from the way that they live. It should give them a huge opportunity to appreciate and be thankful for the things that they take for granted most of the time. The ability to attend the best school in Mindanao, instead of the public schools, like Bebe’s kids do. I want my kids to see this side of life and to realize that they are so lucky to have the things that they have. It made my heart feel good to see my kids fit in with the others, and have a great time simply playing games that required nothing but a grassy field, some energy and a willingness to engage with other kids. Normally, they feel like in order to have fun they need their computer, their XBox game or PlayStation. I felt that in many ways, they got a window this weekend on how I lived my life when I was their age, and it was a lot different from their normal experience. Yes, this socialization thing was a good thing for the kids!
The kids also got sort of a “double dose” of socialization, as some of the other kids who attended the party were Americans (not half Filipino, but American on each side of their families). This gave my kids a bit of a chance to re-connect with their American roots. I want my kids to be able to make regular connections with both sides of their culture, as I feel that is an important thing for them to tell them where they came from, as well as where they are going with their life, at least in terms of their ethnicity and culture.
Another aspect of socialization at the party happened with the adults. You see, there were “regular” Filipinos there and also, Bebe invited a number of her language students. In addition to me, there were also several other Americans, and some Germans there too. So, you had Filipinos, Americans and Germans all sitting around speaking to each other in Bisaya! It made for a very interesting scene. At first, some of the Filipinos were quite shy, some were even afraid to come in to the party, because they were worried about being able to speak English with these “foreigner guests” who were there. Bebe quickly told them that we all spoke Bisaya, so they came in. We all were friendly with each other and had a good time! During the festivities, it was funny to see other Filipinos walking past the house. They would take a look into the house and see a bunch of foreigners and Filipinos there, and all speaking Bisaya. They would look back toward where they were going, but quickly whip their heads (and ears!) back toward the house again, giving a quick “double take” to make sure that they really saw what they thought they saw.
All in all, the birthday was really a good time for us. I enjoyed it a lot, I always enjoy interacting wtih Bebe, because I learn a lot from her. Not only do I learn language from Bebe, but she shares a lot of cultural information with me, and I find it quite valuable. Living in the Philippines is always a little different from living back home. I have Bebe to thank for helping me along the way in understand and accepting those differences, and even enjoying them! What a great experience!
Thanks for inviting us, Bebe!
Naimbag a bigat, Bob –
( Maayong buntag, Bob – )
[ Good morning, Bob – ]
Please, sir Bob, a question? 😉
Did the cultural socialization include the potential match-making for your sons? 😆
Hi Paul- Oh my goodness, my friend… now you are opening up a can of worms! 😆
The truth is that I absolutely love the girl who celebrated her birthday (Lanilou). I have told Bebe before that I am holding out hope that we can get Lanilou and Aaron together at some point in the future…. I think Bebe agrees too. 😉
Of course, I would never force something like this on my kids, but I wouldn't fight it either! 😉
HI Bob! You are so right about the kids socializing with other kids who are not necessarily in the same economic bracket. Now I realize that my kids are missing out on some things that I or my husband enjoyed as kids. We are not rich but to some extent, have tried to bring up our kids in a way that makes them stand out in the neighborhood or even in their class. I would have loved to see you foreigners speaking in Bisaya!
Hi Cathy- Your daughters are also so cute (haven't seen your son yet!), and it's a long time since we've seen them! I hope we can see them again soon. I am quite sure that those girls will stand out in any neighborhood! 🙂
Bob,
Again, your articles keep re enforcing my decision to make the move in 2 years to the Philippines. Isn't it nice to see no class barriers and the need for technology to be able to have fun and socialize (says me by communicating via email?). Bob, you really are a breath of fresh air in these troubled financial times which put such a stress on society and families around the world. I haven't commented lately with work schedules etc. however I do read all the articles. Keep up the good work. BTW, I am in Phil Easter weekend for a month and hope we maybe able to catch up???
Take care.
Bob:
Your kids are truly lucky to be able to have these experiences. It is something that they will be able to really appreciate once they are older and on their own!
Hi Nicholas Richardson- Ha ha… yes, I also thought about that…. sitting here typing on my PC while saying that it was refreshing to see my kids get some "non-electronic" entertainment. 😆
Thank you for your kind words. It is true that we all face challenges in these troubled times, but sometimes it helps to focus on other things in our lives.
When you are visiting here, be sure to get in touch, I'd be happy to get together.
Hi John Miele- Thanks for that. I fully agree. Isn't it funny how we can have experiences that are good for us, but sometimes it can take years or decades before we can realize how beneficial they were?
Hi Bob
Your daily posts keep me in the homesick mode. This one especially touches my feelings. Birthdays are a big thing in the Philippines unlike here in the states where people don't want to even celebrate them. They think that they won't get older if they don't celebrate.
Maayong Hapon Bob
The Filipino birthday parties are fun. The Filipinos that live in the States take along there culture of having the big birthday parties. It is always pot luck and at least twice as much food than needed to stuff everyone. One of the requirements is to have a Kareoke at the party. I just watch since if I tried to sing the Kareoke machine would tell me to give it up. 😉
Hi Dan Mihaliak- Thank you for what you said… sorry to keep you in the homesick mode, though. 😆 Yes, indeed, birthday parties are a real big thing here, and not only for kids!
Hi Larry- Maayong udto! You know, I believe that there is a specific reason why there is twice as much food as necessary at those parties – it leaves a little for everybody to bring home! 😆
Hi Bob,
As you know I am quite critical of what I read and see and I am quite surprised by what you wrote…
You are already so long in the Philippines and I would have expected that you and your kids would be fully integrated in this country by now.
Filipinos of all backgrounds (all social classes) are so hospitable that I can't think how it is possible to not minglle with the local population (poor and rich).
So this post leaves me puzzled….
Nice clean new design…congratulations.
Hi Sidney- Honestly, I am puzzled by what you said… in fact, I am not sure that you fully read my article….
1. I never said that my family is not integrated into Philippine society. However, my kids attend a somewhat exclusive school (Ateneo) where most of the kids are of middle class or higher, and while they do get a chance to mix with those of other classes, it is not a constant thing.
2. I specifically said that another great thing was their ability to mix with other Americans who were present at the party. This is uncommon, because there are few American kids here for them to mix with.
3. When it comes to my own socialization at the party, I clearly said that it was mostly related to mixing in the local language. While I have had plenty of opportunity to attend such social events over my time here, I am only now learning the language, and it opens up new avenues of socialization, new friendships, and new ways of relating to the local people. I don't know if you speak the local language or not (I believe you live in Manila, but am not 100% certain), but if you don't speak the local tongue, it is possible that you don't understand this aspect of socialization. I know that I did not fully appreciate it until I could communicate in the local language.
Sorry you were puzzled by what I wrote, I thought it was pretty clear.
Kamusta po Bob,
Sounds like a great experience for all there, as usual another article, and another great aspect of how your lives are going there in Philippines. And yes, I look forward to doing these things when I eventually get to the Philippines.
I can't wait to be able to speak bisaya fluently….well at least be able to hold a decent conversation with the local population, and my family there.
Yes, it is also a great thing to teach your kids, that having fun doesn't always include electronics. You know..it is funny, the kids I have living with me here, they use to ask me…"what playstation games did you have when you were a child?", and I usually chuckle a little, and tell them….we didn't have those games when I was a child. They look puzzled and then say.."well what did you do for fun?". They just don't realize, that we didn't have those things back then, we didn't have cable, we didn't have dvds or videos, and barely had a few channels on the TV to watch, if the reception from the antenna was good…lol.
So is good for the kids to experience these things, and get back to basics from time to time. I am sure they experienced quite a bit of that while visiting Feymas hometown and parents farm.
Your articles keep inspiring me to move there, and I can't wait for the day that happens.
daghang salamat,
Danny
Hi Danny- Nice to hear from you! It sounds like my article made you feel the same way I felt at the party – happy to see my kids experience a little bit of life the way it was for me when I was their age. We sure did have a nice time at the party!
Wow! it looks like the kids had really fun! i can imagine this type of fun that i used to have whenever am in Kidapwan playing with my cousins. Nice article bob! it brings back memories…good memories….
Hi Marygrace- Thanks for dropping by, glad that you enjoyed the article and got a few memories from it! 😆
bob
sa pag balik na ni american lola, maka sulti ka sa bisaya niya. it will be a nice suprise for her.
Hi maria- Sigurado! Magsulti mi daghang bisaya!
I noticed that Bebe did not comment on this board about your article. Maybe she is too much of a class act to disagree with you, but according to my Filipina wife she probably was hurt by your pompous (my interpretations not my wife’s) characterizations concerning “class”.
Hi James- Bebe reads this site regularly, but she never comments. We have talked about class and money before, and she has no problem with it.
I am sorry you think I am pompous, I tried very hard to handle the subject delicately. I guess that you can't please everybody.