Would you consider marrying somebody from the Philippines controversial? I never thought it was, but some years back I got an awakening.
My first foray into doing things online came in 1992. I joined Compuserve. This was before the Internet was really available to the masses, that didn’t come for another year or two, and didn’t really pick up steam until maybe 7 or 8 years later.
In 1992, when I joined Compuserve, I was kind of drawn to the Travel Forum there, and I liked reading about the Philippines in particular. Feyma and I were married in 1990, so I had already been introduced to the Philippines at that time. During my time on Compuserve, I met a friend there named Lyle. Lyle and I really hit it off, and we found that we both had a lot in common. Lyle lived in Canada, and he was also married to a Filipina. We started posting information about the Philippines, and about marrying a lady from the Philippines, and as we did that a lot of people started joining the discussion. We got to the point where we probably had 50 people or so who were regularly discussing the topic on Compuserve.
Then, one day, we got a message from the Travel Forum Administrator. He informed us that we would have to leave the forum, because our topic of discussion was “too controversial.” What? There were discussions on the same forum about taking trips to Thailand for sex with prostitutes, relations with underaged kids in the third world, etc, and they were acceptable. However, the topic of getting married in the Philippines was somehow taboo!
Well, we didn’t let this bother us too much, we found another forum on Compuserve where we could continue with our discussion. After a few weeks we got kicked out from there too. There was no bad language, fighting or anything like that going on in the discussion. As a matter of fact, it was quite similar to what you would find here on LiP. However, it was deemed too controversial, so we were forced to leave again. Next, we found another forum on Compuserve called “Cultural Crossroads” that was said to be very open to all kinds of ideas and such, so it should be perfect for us. We set up shop there, and in a month or so, we were again asked to leave. Our discussions were making the child molesters and the feminist crowd uncomfortable, and thus we were no longer welcome! Oh my goodness!
At that time, we were hearing about a new thing called the “Internet” that sounded interesting. I started checking it out, and actually got an account so that I could get online. The first time I opened up a browser and saw pictures come on my screen I was hooked! At that time, Compuserve and other services were all text based, seeing a picture was not going to happen. So, even in the early days of the Internet, it was a whole new ballgame.
After checking out the net, and liking it, I told Lyle and all of our other friends on Compuserve about it. I set up a new service called “Asialink” which was an Internet based e-mail discussion group that anybody could join. It was an instant success, although it no longer exists. At least we could talk about the Philippines, our love for our wives, and other such topics without being booted off, as had happened to us three times on Compuserve!
Amazing, don’t you think? Did you every realize how controversial you are? Ha ha….
Bob,
I wonder if it was controversial or that you were getting more traffic than Compuserve wanted?
Just a thought.
Hi Bruce – Back in those days, to use Compuserve, you had to pay by the minute. So, the more people were on, and the longer they were on, we were making money for Compuserve! So, I would have thought that they would welcome the extra income! 😆
Hi Bob
What I have found (and it's purely a personal impression), some years back when I first met my wife, it was not so much controversy as jelousy disguised as controversy when associations were made with non westerners. I came to realise, that what I will call "our own culture" seemed to be upset or it wasn't right that I should be mingling outside my own shores with people of other cultures.
They say that travel broadens the mind and I certainly believe in that, when I meet others, especially more on the female side that newly join the working overseas community change their approach once they themselves come to know and intergrate into the other "cultures".
So I think nowadays all that has changed (for the best) with travel more available than what it was some years back and the controversy has died away.
Jack
Hi Jack – I totally agree with you about the jealousy angle! You hit the nail on the head! 😆
Interesting indeed. I haven't had quite the same experiences, but I do see a _lot_ of anti-Philippines sentiment online even today. Heck, off-line, officially sanctioned discrimination as well, for that matter. A couple prime examples:
There is a site (I won't put the URL here for several reasons ;-)) it goes by the name of Plenty of Fish. It's one of the single most successful sites on the internet. It is a 100% free dating and relationship site … and has a lot to recommend it. But they won't allow Filipina members from the Philippines to register. How about that?
Second, look at our own government's procedures. If a single US person meets a potential mate from Russia (which, like the Phuilippines has a lot of trouble with corruption, organized sex trade, mail order bride operations, etc., and has well-documented failures in it's issuance of birth certificates) they can get a visa to bring their intended Russian spouse to the US in about 1/3 the time as a person wanting to bring a Filipino spouse. It certainly has the flavor of a nation (or race?) discrimination issue, in my opinion at least.
I bet we'll get some more issues showing up here, this is near the start of the comment chain.
😉 Hi Sir Bob! Can't think of any reason why they informed you to leave the forum..hmmm.. I have only one in mind, I guess 'jealousy"?
By the way, I link your site to my blog. Hope it's ok with you. Happy Thursday to you 🙂 God bless you and your family!
Hi Dave Starr – Wow, I didn't realize that about Plenty of Fish. Strange, and not right. The whole Embassy/Immigration thing is just way beyond the pale!
Hi Cidz – I agree with you regarding the jealousy, I think your guess is 100% correct on that.
Thank you for linking to me!
Hey, when will you be coming to Davao! It's been a long time since we've seen you (what, at least 5 years?). Next time you are up this way, please let us know. I'd be interested in seeing you, and catching up! 😆
Hi Bob,
I have a very good theory about your experience but I'm afraid that I might open up a can of worms. Even though your post itself is entitled "how controversial," I wonder if readers will accept my hypothesis with as much openness as I'm hoping they would?
It's a tough call.
So I should just keep it under wraps. But your post did remind me of the controversial subject matter which was brought to my attention, circa mid 90's. (Some folks wanted me to write an article/essay about it and disseminate it thru U.S. mailing lists and online groups so that there could be more awareness of the "problem." At that time, online groups, like the original eGroups, now yahoogroups, were just becoming mainstream and I made a lot of connections that way and had established a growing network. But I declined the invitation to do the write-up. I guess I wasn't patriotic enough?? LOL.)
But really, your post reminded me of that era.
-Filipina reader
Hi ecstasy – I am a little bit confused by your comment. I am not sure I understand, perhaps because you didn't mention what the subject of the controversy was.
Well the controversy my marriage raised among my friends and family has never been resolved. My Aunt was even trying to "hook me up" with one of her daughter's friends to try to dissuade me from marrying my wife. Oh well, I just don't talk to them anymore. The one exception was my dad who is totally supportive of my decision… I'm sure mom would have been also if she were still alive.
Well, there is much less, but still some stigma attached to being married to a filipina I guess. Sometimes you can read people's thoughts…"…sad git…internet bride!" It's inevitable I guess, and just something we have to live with. In fact, I know several people in the UK married to filipina's who did, in fact, more or less, make contact and arrange their marriage via the internet. That said, the vast majority of people seem totally unconcerned, even disinterested these days. Personally, I actually met my wife at a party at a consulate party in Saudi Arabia while we were both working there. A fairly conventional meeting and relationship forming experience, in fact. But it seems there are people who, probably motivated by jealousy, find an issue in interracial age gaps etc. All very boring really, in this modern cosmopolitan world in which we live. Doesn't explain your being bumped off a compuserve forum though!
Nice to have a reminder of compuserve there though, they were my first "connection" to cyberspace too, even in the UK. If I remember correctly, my first email address was something like 102764,[email protected]. I remember thinking when they started introducing letters into the email addresses that it would never catch on!!! LOL
Ah well, the things we have to live with in order to enjoy our lives with our stunning sexy and loving filipina brides, eh?
Hi BrSpiritus – Your comment sparked a memory of the time when I married Feyma, watch tomorrow's column to read what I am talking about. It is related to what you said.
Hi jim hannah – I married Feyma in the days before the Internet was available commercially, and we were penpals. Many people would describe the way that we met as a "mail order bride" arrangement. That is so demeaning, though. The truth is, there is no such thing. I mean, can anybody believe that a person can just choose a woman from a catalog, order her and she will be delivered. How crazy!
Yeah, I remember those Compuserve e-mail addresses! I can't imagine having an e-mail address like that these days! 😆
You know I never got into the Compuserve thing but I used to SysOp a local BBS in Baltimore called the "Ghosts in Gray BBS" under the name ConfGntlmn. Remember Fidonet? It really was the first attempt at bridging the BBS systems together into a national network. I remember I gained quite the celebrity status by writing programs in C code(hahaha no C++ yet) that basically bridged the mail packeting service between my BBS which ran Virtual software with the 5 other BBS software programs out there making FidoNet available to anyone who wanted it on their BBS. Ah those were the days. Ok sorry for the thread drift.
Hi chas – Feyma and I only have about a six year age gap, which is pretty common, so we’ve never had to endure any negativity about an age difference. That said, I am not a person is really bothered by that. When I see couples that have a rather large age difference, it just doesn’t really affect me. There certainly are a lot of people that get very troubled by it.
Hi Bob, I found your comments about Compuserve interesting. I never got involved with home computers until 2000. My first intro to the Internet was via a set top box marketed as " Web-TV ". Nice easy and simple way to get on the internet but as the workings of the internet surpassed what the set top box could do I forced myself to go PC.
Back in the 1960's and part of the 70's however I communicated worldwide via " RadioTeletype " . You just couldn't kill those machines and surplus outdated models were plentiful and cheap ( sometimes free ) on the surplus market. In those days you couldn't buy a " T U " ( modem ) for under $500 so I built my first one from junk parts. I get a good chuckle these days when see Modem plug in boards for $9.99 that out do anything we had back then .
Like you, I can certainly appreciate the difference in going from text only to all that we have today on the internet.
By the way, i used to operate Models 15, 19 and 28 KSR machines here via a Collins S Line. It was a lot of fun back then.
Got my first personal computer in 1988 and it was slow going but look where we are now. As for the marriage thing you are not alone there!
Hi BrSpiritus – yes indeed, those were the days! However, though we think back fondly look at all the advantages we have today on the Internet. Twenty years from now, we will be thinking the same thing about today.
Hi Bob New York – were you a ham radio operator? Based on the equipment you're talking about, it would certainly sound so. Although I quit around 1990 or 1991, I was a ham radio operator for many years myself. Now those were the days!
Hi Dan Mihaliak – I really agree with you, look at where we are now. It's simply amazing!
Hi Bob,I have no experience of Compuserve,i was a late starter into computers.But i have experienced controversy and read some of the comments with interest.We are all aware of others remarks etc when you marry someone of another culture especially if there is an age difference,but it also happens within our own culture.My 1st wife was British (white) but 17yrs younger than me,and we had to endure many comments,mainly from women,most men were just envious.Although our marriage ended in divorce,age difference was never an issue between us,regards Chas.
Bob, Yes, thats correct although I still maintain the license, I have not been active since going PC on the internet. In addition to HF, I had my own VHF Repeater for a local vhf rtty network. All of that is gone now as well but it's a good memory. With what we all have today it's like just turn on the PC and you are there, whereever and whenever you want to be, no fuss no muss LOL. 73
Hi Bob New York – I am ex-N7JXN. I had an Advanced class license. Like you, though, I made the move to computers instead! You don't have to worry about the sun spots! 😆