Live in the Philippines

Live in the Philippines helps expats with visas, moving and other services regarding the Philippines.

Paradise? NOT

Adjustment, Returning Filipino / by

I’ve been living back here for over 10 years now. I can really totally understand the people that want to retire here to wait until later, when they have money for retirement. For me it would be better at least you have the security in case the plan you made before coming doesn’t work out. If you don’t have money here you just get stuck and no place to go.

I met a fellow (he is a Pinoy), he used to work abroad for almost 30 years. He was a successful man on the job he did there. He was divorced abroad and he met somebody from here and planned to marry her. While working abroad he built a very nice and expensive house for the lady. He prepared that house for his retirement later. While the house was being built he came here often to see his girlfriend and the progress of the house. While she’s the big boss of the building of the house she also made herself busy by going back to school to study.  The family of the guy was also helping the girl seeing the building of the house. It was really her decision that the worker had to follow since she’s going to be the queen of the house later. The family was okay with it, they thought that she’s going to be the wife of the guy.

While working abroad when the house was being built, he also purchased a pick up truck so that it would be easier for his lady to haul stuff, and also be easier for her to go around town and school. I could tell when he was talking that he also sent and gave good amount of money to his lady. He really indulged and spoiled his lady. He was even sending many things through balikbayan boxes for the completion of  the house and for his lady of course. When he decided to move back here for good, he and the lady were staying at the house, the house was already done except for the swimming pool. While living with the lady, he heard of from some of his family members saying the lady had somebody on the side. Of course he would not believe it, first thing in his mind, the family was just jealous of his girlfriend because he gave the girlfriend almost everything. Then some of the other members of the family told him that the lady had a guy on the side.

It turned out she had 2 guys on the side. She had younger guys on the side. She’s a cougar. She got all the money to support to the younger guys from the guy who was working abroad. I didn’t really aske him bluntly if he caught the lady on the act. I’m not sure if thats the reason why he is not going back to her ever. He told me the reason why he is selling the house. To get away from this city at the moment. He might be moving to other parts of Mindanao or somewhere in Luzon just to get away from the lady. He told me that if he stays here he might bump into the lady somewhere in town.  He said its still too painful for him seeing her. Quite honestly just watching him talking I could see his pain. Even his family especially his mom, she’s really in pain too.

He also told me that he might just have to cool off his head somewhere and he might decide to come back here later. So he might not sell or rent the house. My friend was a friend of one of the family. She just let me see the house if we like it and we could rent it. He might just let his family stay there for now. He just wants healing right now. That house was really his dream house he said. I think it is hard for him to let go. I asked him if he was sorry of his decision of moving back here. He said NO.  He said its been his dream to work and earned a lot of money abroad and live and retire here.

While walking through his house. One of the people that was with me made a comment. She said, “what was really the girlfriend of this guy wants? Humanly she had everything she ever wanted. She continue on saying that the guy he is not ugly and physically his fine”. I just give my friend a big smile and told her, that really some people are not satisfied of what was given to them. It’s always the grass was greener at the other side of the fence. Is it really a human nature? Or is it just an excuse?

The thing that really attracted me to the house was the decor and the open space.  A lot of the fixtures and the decors came from States and Europe. I know I’ve never seen most of his decor here. Lots of  Thomas Kinkade paintings on his wall. Gosh, seeing the place reminded me of the decorations that I saw in some of the houses  and in some showrooms in the States. That house just not for us though. The location is not ideal for my kids and for our business.

Cheers!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. hello feyma
    thats terrible of the woman to treat this man badly.he give her evrything and give him headache in return.i think this happens alot when the foreigner is away working…mabe she forgot about her situation before she met this guy who is willing to do anything for her.alot of filipina are good and some are not.i guess you will find this to be the case no matter where you go.im so happy that me and bob found great wives.we are truely blessed.
    salamat feyma

    • Hi Ron – True. Yes she might have forgotten her used to be life before. She’s not thinking of her future. Oh well, she wants to have a good time all the time i think. I don’t know where shes getting the money now. Maybe another victim.

      Yes you are blessed of what you got now. Keep it up. Thank you for the kind words.

      Take care!

  2. Feyma- this story is about a filipina and a foreigner- but it could just as easily be about a foreigner and a foreigner- because that situation to occur is not unheard of other places also.
    I have an opinion about why things go wrong- sometimes painfully wrong- in mixed cultural relationships . And it is this- we all during the course of our lives developed/earned a whole body of experiences. And it is by reference to these experiences that we make judgments in our lives. And unfortunately, many of the experiences that we have gained where we grew up do not translate into our being able to make valid judgments when we are out of our element- culturally speaking.
    I have met foreigners here who made my skin crawl the moment i met them- but I see some filipinas going ga-ga over them- because they do not have the experience necessary to make a valid judgment .
    And , of course, the bottom line is- love is blind !! lol

      • Hi Jim- I think that when someone works abroad for 30 years he qualifies as being a foreigner ! lol Even if he is pinoy. But thanks for the heads up.

    • Hi Ian – Of course it could happen anywhere, no doubt about that. It could be two different culture too being the guy been away from the Philippines for almost 3 decades already. But no matter what culture you are in, you can’t have 2 guys/2 girls on the side while your engaged.

      Oh yeah, we’ve meet up some expats like that too. Well, I know what you mean by the ladies going crazy over the guy. Oh well, if that what makes them happy. Go for it. Ha ha ha… Yeah, Love is Blind… 😉

      Good to see you again here.

      Take care!

  3. Hi Feyma – A very sad story indeed but it just proves that it can happen between Pinoy’s and not just when foreigners are involved.
    Kind regards.
    Jim.

  4. Hi Feyma – Guess that just proves that, regardless of feline situation, it’s always bad to let the cat (in this case cougar) out of the bag!
    😆

    Loved the story, saddened by its contents. That happens many, many times; and there is no discrimination in who the selected victim is.

  5. He is fortunate that he at least has assets remaining – working in the Middle East with Filipino coleagues I have heard many stories of balikbayan returning after many years overseas to find they have nothing.They or their wife had given away most of their hard earned money to family members with hard luck stories.

    • Hi Bryan G – True, he still have the stuff. Talking about OFW. Well, my cousin was an ofw. Worked so hard for almost 10 years. The family just spent all her hard earned money while she was still a domestic helper. Time for her to come back here to lived for good thinking she had a lot of money in the bank. She was shocked to know that she did not have any money. She got mad but nothing she can do about it. She’s thinking of going back to work again as an ofw. I told her to think hard what to do on her earnings. She said she already learned her lesson from the past. I told her I really hope so.

      Good to see you again. Keep reading here.

      Take care!

      • Hi Feyma, Thats really a sad story. It just shows you can’t always trust people, even if they are your own family. keep up the good work

  6. Hi Feyma,

    I just have to comment about the house – fantastic. It looks unique not one of those subdivision monster homes. Are you sure that’s in the Phil? I think it even has a fireplace.

    I think the owner should just get himself updated with the realities in the country. I hope he rents the house to you (or me? he he he)

    Alex

    • Hi AlexB – Ha ha ha… Sorry to disappoint you , thats not the picture of the house that I was talking about. But I would tell you though the house that I was talking about it looks similar to some big houses in the States. Really nice.

      Hey, maybe that house is waiting for you to rent or buy. 😉

      Take care!

      • Hi Feyma,

        I thought so. That house looked like one of those older houses in upstate NY except for the pink paint.

        Alex

  7. Really sad story, in the 2 yrs I have been in a relationship with a filipina I have continually keep reading personal stories and comments from this site and others like this one to get first hand knowledge from actual experiences to help me along my path. My goal is to retire in the Philippines on a very modest income. In the beginning I made the same mistakes as most or should I say all foreigners do when they see these beautiful women and tropical Islands is to say wow I have died and gone to heaven and check your bank account in at the pearly gates. Thank god I didn’t have anything in it. That being said I have been very cautious and have only given my lady no more than what she needs and even though it’s a very modest sum,it takes care of only the basic needs. I came from a very bad place in my life and when life got better, I was told by many much wiser than myself, never forget where you came from. So I employ that same principal to myself and her. I have seen these situations in your article and although there are no guaranties that things will work out I want to give myself the best chance for sucess. Married or not I love the Philippines and will retire here anyway. One thing I know is if my relationship doesn’t work out now and I go to the Internet to meet a filipina. I wear my profile on my sleeve. I put out there I am not an ATM, I have only a modest income and you will probably have to work. As I see on about 99% of the filipina profiles they say they are just simple filipina and I want somebody who will except me for who and what I am. I just replace filipina with foreigner. One of the attrations for me about the Philippines is closeness that Filipinos have with each other. It’s an isolated life when you have lived next to your neighbor here in the US for 20 yrs. and don’t even no their name. Bringing ourselves closer together seems to always come from adversity. Rome USA is just about to learn that valuable lesson. I would rather be in the Philippines where the population has gotten pet the learning curve of co existance, sometimes money really sucks as your freind found out. I wish him full recovery from his bad experience. Thanks again Feyma

  10. Lucky for him that he is actually Pinoy and he actually owns and can dispose of the house he sunk all of his hard earned money into. He can start over once he recovers from his ordeal.
    Jade

  11. Feyma;
    I feel sorry for the ladies young boy friend, how will he survive? (I’m just joking) The lady (or not) has pulled the rug out from under herself, her foolishness has cost her a good life, and it’s what she deserves. The man is wise to get a way from the situation, and get his mind in order. If he’s strong he’ll do well. And you and Bob will find that perfect house soon!

    • Hi Paul – Ha ha ha… Really she’s just thinking of her happiness today. Oh well, at the end she will end up working hard for them to survived and the young guy will get all her money and give it away to his other lady on the side.

      Yes luckily the guy(the owner of the house) still have the brain to think of his future. I hope he will not make same mistakes again.

      We will find the house that we want it will take awhile though. 😉

      Thank you Paul.

      Take care!

  12. Hi Feyma: Your advice is very sound about not making the move to the Philippines immediately until finances are in place. I’ve heard similar advise that retired Filipino-Americans have given. Among these, were my parents. Excellent article.

  13. Feyma
    I feel for this guy, he worked his ass off for all them years only to be screwed over.
    Honestly I dont know how someone that got screwed over soo bad could just walk away from it to cool down. This guy must be a saint not to have snapped on her and done evil deeds.

    • Hi Neal – Thank you so much for the gift that you and your wife sent us. I was touched by you guys thoughts. From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU SO MUCH….

      Take care and God bless!

  14. Hi feyma ,we have a lot on samal island that we hope that one day to build n and eventually retire to ,these are just dreams at the moment as who knows what the future will bring ,we are hopeing to come back maybe nest year for a short time so as to see the land and family ,i feel sory for the fellow that your article revolves around he was obviously a very trusting person and truly loved this girl ,with all that she had what possesed her to look for someone else ,if she was lonely i am sure he would have paid for her to come and stay withj him overseas for a time ,truly some people do not know when they have got it good nowwhat does she have (nothing ) i bet her boyfreind have dropped her as i suspect she was a suger mommy and had lots of money to flash around ,well serves her right when next he sees her he should stop and telll her how good his life is without her in it ,nothing like a verbal slap in the face to make you think what you have lost !
    chris

    • Hi chris – Where is your land located in Samal? We owned a property in Limao, not too far from those nice resorts there. We might be neighbors there, you’ll never know.

      Thank you for stopping by here. Keep reading.

      Take care!

  15. Hi Feyma,
    Another sad story.
    A major fault i see here,and often,is throwing wealth at a person who has never had much in life,it can sometimes turn them into a greedy monster.

    Its similar to some of the western kids we see these days,they have been given everything in life,always got what they wanted,never had to earn anything,and become selfish spoilt brats with no sense of values and no respect for anything or anyone.Its all,Give Me,Me,Me,Me.
    I suspect if i had been brought up like those kids,i would be a first class,bone idle layabout expecting the rest of the world to keep me and give me everything i want,Lol.
    The old adage “You sometimes have to be cruel to be kind” comes to mind.
    regards,Chas.

    • Hi Chas – Yes can’t argue with you. The generation nowadays is so different than before. A lot of people/kids now doesn’t really know how to appreciate what they have. Always wants more and more. Frustrating…

      Have a great day!

  16. What a fool was he. There is a sucker born everyday. He got in the trap. Meats for the belly and belly for the meats. To alot of people its about them and no one else. We are living in a malicous world today. I would never ever trust someone in this way. Marriage is not about feelings, it is about a decision. We should never make a decision based on our feelings. Sometimes they re wrong. He should have got to know her for awhile first. So all I can say the man is a big sucker! Kinda like a Chinese carp.(fish)

  17. That’s sad. When is he retiring? I have a few more years to go unless I have had it and give up and I don’t have a retirement buddy and I’d like to retire in PI. I can carry my own weight so he doesn’t have to worry about being suckered! LOL