A lot of things are very different between Philippine Culture and western Culture. Way different. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that there is one difference that accounts for many other differences at once. What is that difference? There is no “Personal Space” allowed for in Philippine Culture.
In the west, we assume that a certain “zone” around our bodies is our personal space. Depending on the social situation, the amount of space in this zone varies, but it is always there. Here in the Philippines, you rarely get any personal space, unless you go out of your way to create it yourself. And, if you do that, I believe that it can be looked at as being somewhat “bastos.” What is Bastos? That would be defined as being somewhat vulgar, or maybe even “against the norm.”
How did I come to this conclusion? Well, last week, a friend and I were swimming, as we do every morning. Something that happens regularly happened again. Somebody who was just getting into the pool moved into our “lane.” When we swim, we don’t do it for fun, it’s exercise that we are after. We swim laps, up and down the pool. The bottom of the pool is clearly marked with swimming lanes. The pool has 7 or 8 lanes, I would guess. Even if my friend and I are the only two people in the pool, invariably (almost every day) a new swimmer will get in and start swimming in the lanes that we have already been swimming in for some time. I happened to mention one day that there seemed to be no personal space allotted to us.
This statement started a conversation about personal space, and I thought of many other examples where there is really a lack of personal space allotted to people in this culture. Let’s think about it and see what I am talking about:
Bedspacers. Did you know that here in the Philippines you can rent space as a “Bedspacer?” What is that? Well, it means that you pay a monthly rental and in return you get a space in a bed to sleep. There may be 3 or 4 (or more!) others who sleep in that same bed with you, even though you don’t even know them! And, the landlord can rent out another space to somebody that you don’t care for or even like. In the west, a “bedspacer” would not even be considered! Heck, I don’t even know if it would be legal for somebody to rent out space in a bed to strangers! How would you like sleeping night after night with a group of people (in the SAME bed) that you don’t know?
Visitors to the house. As I have mentioned many, many times in articles here in the past, if you live here in the Philippines, expect a lot of visitors (unannounced often) at your house. People that you haven’t seen for years will just show up and expect to spend a night or two in your house. In the west, it would be common practice to call a few days or weeks in advance to ask if it would be OK to stay over. Calling in advance would be outside the norm here, in my experience. This is especially true for family members, and when I say family that can mean people that you have never even met in your life. Maybe they are like 6th cousins or whatever, but they expect to stay over in your house! This would never happen in the west. Again, I believe that this is a sign of a lack of personal space.
Things get done in pairs. Owning a business (actually several) here and having employees, I have noticed many times in the past that if I have a job that only requires one person to get it done, many times my employees will want to do it in pairs. As a very simple example, let’s say that I want a can of diet coke, and I send an employee to the convenience store (just one block away from the house). Next thing I know, two employees went on the trip. They didn’t want anything of their own, they just “needed” that second person in order to feel right about going.
This is a culture that is so different than what we are used to, if we are from western countries. I know that for myself, I value my personal space. I value being alone sometimes where I can just think, or reflect on what is happening in my life. I do not believe that these preferences of mine fit into the culture here. That’s OK, we are all different and this is just an observation that I have realized recently.
Certainly there are lots and lots of examples of this lack of personal space in Philippine Culture. Can you come up with more examples? If so, leave them in the comments, I’d be most interested to hear them!
Well Jeepney riding is another place where there is no personal space. One time when I rode the El Rio jeep to Victoria Mall, we had so many people on board that passengers were sitting on other passengers laps.
Hi Bob,
There is an Australian guy by the name of Jim Sibbick who has a website: http://www.bigjimsphilippinesexperience.com/ Well this guy has some excellent videos of life in the Philippines which he has filmed end edited. Some of the videos run for up to 13 minutes. The reason I mention this is because recently you mentioned you would like to add videos to this site in time to come and I thought if you are not aware of this guy it might be worth your while to check his site out.
The other reason for this post is to do with personal space. On the above site Jim Sibbick takes the watcher on a 13 odd minute defensive driving course around the streets of Cebu City. As the watcher you are sitting there in the car as a passenger. Definitely no personal space on the roads. Don't think I will be driving whilst there.
Hi Bob! How about public transportation? Or just even the simple room arrangements in most filipino homes? Kids share room with parents or with other siblings or they don't even have a room. They all sleep in the living room-cum-sleep area at night. I have stayed in boarding houses before but I have never shared a bed with anybody. I have my own single bed which I think is usually the arrangement.
Hi Bob,
It's interesting that you mentioned this. This is one of the things I find annoying especially when standing in line. People just push against you or stand too close to you as if it would get them wherever faster. I value my personal space and I really find this very irritating. When I look around me, though, everyone just seems to take the pushing and shoving in stride. 😆
Re bedspacers, I thought that meant you paid for your bed's space. I didn't know that you shared a bed with another person, a stranger at that! Did you validate that? I really don't think that is the case. I think you'd share a room with other people like in a dorm. I lived in a dorm in college and there were 4 of us in the room. We all had separate beds, desks, closets, etc. It was fun, though. My roommates and I still keep in touch to this day.
Hi Bob – The "personal space" experience that makes me chuckle (can't do anything else, save cry) is the trip to town scenario.
When one gets into a vehicle so as to go to a larger town (for me, about 15 km away) for business or personal reasons, numerous family members appear out of nowhere and cram into every little bit of free space available in the vehicle so that they can go too. A trip to town in an overcrowded vechicle isn't quite what one imagined when originally deciding to make the trip. 😕
The tears come while the whole entourage is in town: they all suddenly become hungry when they see a Jollibee or Chowking! 😆
Hi BrSpiritus – very true! No personal space on Jeepneys!
Hi Richard – Yes, I am familiar with Jim and his site. You are very correct about a lack of space on the roads! Every possible centimeter is used! 😆
Hi Cathy – You are very correct about transportation and also sleeping arrangements! In the USA, it is quite uncommon for children to sleep in the same room with their parents. Usually, the man and woman sleep together in their own room, and each kid has his own bedroom (or sometimes kids share a bedroom). Very different here!
Hi Tina – Very true about falling in line! It can be quite confusing here!
Regarding bedspacers, there are two arrangements. Sometimes they have bunk beds, and each person gets his/her own bed in the bunks. Sometimes, though, there will be a full size, queen size or whatever bed with multiple people in the SAME bed! I know this for a fact.
Hi Paul – Ha ha… the Jollibee story cracked me up! It is very true, though! 😆
Another example of lack of personal space is driving in the streets! There is no concept of lanes! 😆 Squeeze yourself in to every opening and pray that you don't get hit!
Hi mia – No doubt about that! By the way – what's a lane? 😆
Hi Bob yes you write it's good article it's very different the philippine custom. and also I like the article of your friend louis
( You may live in the philippines and have philippina wife if,,,
Very true indeed… I remember when I was still in the Philippines, relatives just arrived unannounced and asking us to prepare breakfast because they were very hungry. It really irritates me because our planned for the day was ruined because of the sudden arrival of these relatives.
Another example Bob of lack of personal space is when your visiting relative borrows your piece of clothing or sometimes shoes because they forgot to bring the appropriate clothes for an event they're going to attend.
Hi Bob hear with answer with this article of your friend louis ( You may live in the philippines and have philippina wife if,,, )
Hi Zois – Interesting how you tied this in with Louis' earlier column. I had not considered that.
Hi Ringgay – Wow, those guests are really something!! 😆
Hey Bob – That lack of personal space holds true even when Filipino/na people migrate to the US. Now I have benn married to my Filipina wife for 23 years and I thought I experienced it all, "NOT"
Example: My sons 20th Birthday Party we had appx 50 guest, one of the guest (Filipina) showed up with a rather large overnite bag, I thought nothing of it at the time. As the party went on my wife said to me a couple of times" I feel bad for _ _ _ _ she is having problems with her husband" The party wrapped up and she was the last one hanging around helping with the clean up. To make a long story short she ended up staying in our spare bedroom for 5 days.
My lesson learned here is: "I feel bad for _ _ _ _ she is having problems with her husband"
Translated to English means: Dear we will be having a unnounced hoseguest for the next week.
Nako
Hi Neal from RI – you have got me beaten by 5 years on the marriage thing, but we are probably equal in the experiences with filipino culture. BTW, do you mind if I stay over on my next trip through the area? 😆
Hey Bob – No Worries, almost anyone is welcome. I have a few staning rules:
No Bagoong or Dried Fish is allowed in the house, in the backyard is fine.
No OOTang
No Chis Mis
No MahJoong after midnight
No Smoking "Mary Jane " in the house. In the shed or behind the
chicken coop 😎
Other than that the party is on.
If anyone is offended by my twisted sense oh humor. Get over it
Along these lines, I'm planning to visit the Philippines soon and would like to live with a Philippine family while there. It's my hope that doing so would give me a better understanding of Philippine culuture and family life.
Would you have any suggestions about how I might make arrangements with a family for a few week stay? Thanks in advance for sharing your insights.
David S.
P.S. I would like a family in the Davao area.
Hey Dave,
While you are on your long flight to the PI, you may pick up this book to read, it is excellent and it will give you a idea of just how different the PI can be. Im NOT a bookworm and I found it interesting
Culture Shock!
by Alfredo & Grace Roces
Good Luck Neal
Hi Neal – See you soon! 😆
Hi David S. – Maybe if you get on some forums you can make friends with some people in Davao before coming, and then you should have no problem. Yours is an unusual request, I can't think of other ways to make it happen.
Hi Neal – Yes, that indeed is a good book!
Question, po:
Culture Shock! by Alfredo & Grace Roces — Amazon.com provides two different books by these authors with similar names. One may be an updated version of the other, but having not read either, I couldn't say.
1) Culture Shock! Philippines: A Guide to Customs and Etiquette, by Alfredo & Grace Roces, published 1992 (revised ed.)
2) Culture Shock! Philippines: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette, by Afredo & Grace Roces, published 2007
Any comments or enlightment? 🙂
Hi bob ( The instant you are married filipina you have 3,000 new close relatives that you can’t tell apart.
maby you remember now Bob.
regards
Hi Paul – it sounds like an update to me, although I don't know for certain.
Hi Zois – Very true, my friend!
Hey Zois
Yup my wife is a only child from Davao originally, and we have recieved letters from as far away as, Bunawan,and Loreto Magaoud, these people are claiming to be relatives. Its odd though that my wife never remembers even meeting them and she cannot even recall the names of these people. I guess they just are looking for something from the Money Tree that we have growing here in RI, Im sure you have some of these trees yourself 😆
Hi Neal – We have a whole orchard! 😆 Can you imagine the LiP Plantation? 😯
Hi Neal
Yes speak truth it's difficult your position I thinking you can stop
this system because the ralatives of your wife they are far of
your place.
I tell you this one of the reason and I look the site of Bob
I learn many information for fhilippine custom and many other
information. Good luck
Hi Zois – I'm happy that I can help you in your quest to learn about Philippine customs!
hi bob, you might want to read an entry of mine on a similar line to your current article. Autophobia orl that fear of being alone among filipinos is the main cause why we choose NOT to have a personal space.
great blog btw.
http://idiotboard.blogspot.com/2004/10/autophobia…
Neal from RI, that story is too funny but all too familiar! I live in the US now but even here, Pinoys are the same. Case in point, I have a friend who wished to spend a few days in town so we prepared the guest room for her and her hubby. They day they came I was surprised to see two unfamiliar people with them, who turned out to be their friend and that friend's cousin. I thought they (the friends)just saved themselves the plane fare by riding with my friends but it turns out they were visiting from the Philippines and were being shown around the US by our couple friends. It was a headache! Needless to say we are no longer friends with that couple but that's another loooong story. 😉
Hi JJ – Thanks for adding to the discussion! I will check out your blog article right away! Thanks for sharing.
Hi mia – Thank you also for joining the discussion!
bob, the second time i visited the philippines we sent ahead of time 6 tents. which temporaly housed a lot of our visetors. not counting 3 bed rooms , the frount room flore, and the small house , and the store. im not shure what we will do the next visit.
Hi Jerry Smith – You're going to have your own "tent city" there soon! 😆
Yes that is true and you have to feed them …when eversome one stoped at our house my wife would cook the a complete meal ,some times she would do it 3-5 times in one day "and ,they can eat rice" …she knows all the relitives and where they come from ..
Hi phil – if you get the reputation that you feed everybody who stops by, it would seem that you'd have a never ending line waiting! 😆 Do you experience that?
NO to far away for every one to travel ..she work on the fact that the farther away they traveled the more she would feed them ..most got a bowl of rice and some thing to drink ..My wife let it be known that I wasn't here to feed everbody …and most of them come to hear me talk …
Hi Phil – sounds like you are a celebrity in the Barangay! I think you enjoyed your stay there!
I think the description of bed spacer is quite different from what is actually practiced in the Philippines. Bed spacers are usually students on a tight budget. The guy is actually renting a room with many beds and "shares the room — not the bed" with other renters.
Carlos V
Hi Carlos – I'm sorry that you think that my description is wrong. Actually, after Tina's comment (#4) I did more research and I actually found places that had large beds which were shared by more than one person (that didn't know each other), so I know for a fact that it exists. It is not as common as a room with multiple beds as you describe, but it exists.
In the matter of "bedspacers", I have lived in Manila well into my 30s right in the heart of the city and have never heard of such strange arrangement. Bedspacers are mostly for students or employees who cannot afford a room or an apt, or a house. These people need a semblance of normalcy bec they have a routine to follow. Having to share a bed with strangers (strangers, people you must have met only once and that's while on bed) certainly is not conducive to the goals of these students, low income employees and the like. I think the one you stumbled upon are those who are trapped in exploitative position, factory workers working round the clock in the place of work, etc–you get the picture. We have many of those in the Phil. sadly. They did not choose to be in that situation, it's not fun at all compared to the bedspacers normally experienced by most Filipinos.
Hi Bob Well not quit a celebrity . I try to keep a low profile , Yea right I'm an american in the pines 😆 😆
Hi phil R – Keeping a low profile can be good at times, no doubt!
I have to agree with everything I read here about personal space.
Thats why I have set aside my personal space in my home, we own 2
homes in which family members come and go all the time, however in each house the master bedroom is off limits, you are not allowed in
the master bedroom under any circumstances without direct permission
from the wife or myself and if you are caught violating this space without
permission then you get banned from the whole house. In all these years only had to ban one person.
Rick
Hi Rick Austin – I have a similar set up as you do (although not nearly so strict that I "ban" people from the house), and I have an article coming up on Friday that talks about it.
Bob,
The "banning" was the wifes idea not mine>
Rick