Over the years that I have been publishing this LiP Magazine, for expats Living in the Philippines, and others who wish to do so, one of the topics I have written most about is culture. Everything from American Culture to Filipino Culture to our own Personal Culture, as we blend the different cultures that make up our family. In 2008 I spent a fair amount of time learning about Filipino Cultural Issues from Bebe, my Bisaya teacher. Culture is a topic that is near to my heart, because for nearly 2 decades I have lived a life that includes multiple cultures, being married to a Filipina, myself being American, and our quest to join our two cultures into one personal culture that we could both be comfortable living in.
In 2008, we made some real strives as a family toward consciencsly shifting our family culture. Since we live in the Philippines, and have for nearly 9 years now, we decided that it was time to shift a bit away from American culture and a bit toward Filipino Culture. Now, don’t take me wrong, we are maintaining a lot of our American culture, but since we live here it is appropriate to shift toward the Filipino ways of doing things in many ways, so that we fit in better here, and so that we better understand our friends and neighbors here.
A week or so before Christmas, I talked to Feyma about something that had been on my mind for a while. I told her that I thought that for Christmas we should change the way we celebrate Christmas this year. Before we even talked about what that meant, she told me that it was a subject that had been on her mind too.
You see, since Feyma came to the States in 1991, we had always followed my family’s traditions in our Christmas celebration. For the most part, the way my family celebrated came from my Dad’s side of the family. On New Year’s Eve, we would all gather around the Christmas tree after dinner. We would open off of our gifts that were from within the family. In other words, all of the gifts from the parents to the kids, from one kid to another, etc. were all opened on Christmas Eve. The presents were opened one by one, no big rush and everybody opening at once. This way, we could all see what had been given, and kind of check the item out before moving on to the next gift. It could take several hours to accomplish this. After gift opening was done, the kids went off to bed, because they needed to be asleep before Santa Claus could make his stop at the house. The next morning, when the kids would wake up, the “big presents” of the year were there at the tree, having been left for the kids by Santa Claus during his Christmas night visit.
Well, Christmas is celebrated a little differently in the Philippines. Here, they have “Noche Buena,” which is a big meal at midnight to ring in the holiday. The table is filled with all kinds of good foods for the family to enjoy for Christmas. Games are played, and people generally have a good time. For the people that are not blessed with too much in the way of money, this is their celebration. There are no gifts, except for the cheer and enjoyment of spending special time with the family. Some of the celebrants in the family would include people who have been away for most of the year working in Manila, Davao, Cebu, or even abroad. So, it was a special treat to have the famly together for such a celebration, including those who had long been missing. This was the kind of Christmas that Feyma had enjoyed as a child.
Well, we decided that instead of just continuing to celebrate in the Martin family style, we needed a bit of a mix. So, we devised a bit of a combination. Of course, one of the new traditions that Feyma and I have developed for our family is that on December 24, we go out and give away food and gifts to poor families, as I have talked about here a number of times this season. So, on the morning of the 24th we did that. We spent some of the afternoon just relaxing and enjoying the holiday spirit, reminscing about our giveaway in the morning. Then, after dinner, we exchanged gifts among the family. So far, except for the giveaway, our Christmas was going just as in the past. But, the next step was that we enjoyed a Noche Buena too! So, we brought in the Philippine Traditional Christmas and combined it with my family’s tradition. The next morning, Christmas Day, Santa did stop by, but this time he only left some small things stuffed into our Christmas Stockings. No big gifts like before, our kids are already old enough that they know the real story about Santa anyway.
Anyway, this blending, or shifting of cultures made for a very nice Christmas for our family. I think that for me it was one of my most enjoyable Christmas celebrations of my life. We scaled back in the way of gifts this year, but the whole holiday just seemed to have more meaning for me, more closeness to my family, and an all around good time.
We are already embarking on the new year, and this post is probably a little late in coming. I don’t expect to write specifically about the Christmas holiday again until next December. I do hope that you all had as nice of a Christmas as I did. If you did, I am sure that you are still feeling quite happy.
It sounds like a wonderful celebration. Happy new year!
Hi Tom N – It was a great celebration, I really had a nice time. New Years brought even more good times too! I hope that you new year was a good one too, Tom.
Happy New Year Bob! Funny, my family did the opposite. We usually waited for midnight and ate Noche Buena but this year, I asked Milper if we can do it the American way and he agreed. The kids opened their gifts upon waking up on Dec 25 and had our Christmas lunch.
Bob: I have read some of your articles in the past and now that I am married to a Filipina (November 22nd 2008 St. Jude's Davao) it takes on more signifigance. We have begun the Permanent Residence Visa process….I am a Canadian living in British Columbia, and hope that it happens quickly. We of course video conference on a daily basis through Skype or Yahoo, Skype being a little better. This makes it possible to keep our spirits up and hopefully next Christmas, whether it be Davao or Canada we will spend it together. all the best in the New Year John Payne
Hi Cathy – We kind of did the opposite, yet we also kind of did the same thing, if you think about it. By moving in opposite directions, we both tried to experience a culture other than our own! 😆
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! And a happy New Year too!
Hello Bob
Sounds fun!
My wife and I do her tradition of going to church on Christmas eve then we had the big family dinner on Christmas day (my tradition). I have fun mixing our traditions and this seems to work good since we end up having the best of both cultures.
Bob: an interesting compromise, and one that Rebecca and I will need to be considering soon. You see, we have started the adoption procedure for a family adoption today.The baby was born today, and the family cannot take care of him. We were approached by the grandparents and said "yes". We have begun the legal process, which is quite complex, and retained an attorney to deal with it. There are still many legalities to go, and nothing is certain, but I'll be writing about the process after we are through.
The culture wars between the families may start… I hope not, but I have an inkling that may originate with my family in the States. A natural birth is different, since there is a long "build-up".
Bob: thank you. We are also very happy. Something about holding a 4 hour-old baby. We are excited, and a little nervous. (I was taking a break from thinking about it). I got a 2 hour education about the adoption process this morning, and we are going to have legal issues in 3 countries (RP, the States, and Saudi).It appears we can take him to Becky's house in 5 days, home to Manila with us in 30 days, and the adoption finalized in 6 months, since the birth mother is a blood relative. US citizenship in about a year afterwards. We will be able to name him after the initial paperwork is processed, so he won't have a name for a few days (we are leaning towards Juan). Thank you again for your wishes. Another exciting trip!
Bob: sent you a note from my yahoo. I lost your number and bad battery in my local phone. E-mail me your number and I'll give you a ring.
Thanks.
Firstly, a happy new year to you and Feyma and the family Bob, and to all the LIP readers too. Also, a special congratulations to John Milele. No doubt there will be some annoying hassles with red-tape, and perhaps even some irritating attempts with family interference too. One thing is for sure though, the red-tape will sort itself out with time and due dilligence from you. The cultural family issues, in my humble opinion, will be best resolved by setting the ground rules for all sides of the family right from the outset….i.e., that you and your good lady will discuss what you want to happen, then you will let the families know how it will be, and that's the end of the matter. After all, this little angel, (boy or girl?), will be YOUR child, and will have to grow up with your dual-cultural values; I reckon kids only need two parents who support and agree with each other, and the families will learn to accept and respect that.
Once again, our best wishes,
Jim and Vangie
Bob
Wow what a nice Christmas, you was able to do the right thing in helping other less fortunate people, and have a celebration with your family.
I must say you are giving your Children a look at the way Christmas should be.
" Happy and Healthy New Year to you and your Family"
Hi John Miele and Becky,
Congratulations and the best of luck with the inevitable maze of red tape. What an exciting time for you !
A little bit of both cultures and some new that's the way to go Bob …then your kids will pick up as a tradition too ..Phil n Jess
Hi Bob – Sounds like our Christmas celebrations! Finding a parol around here that lasts more than one year is a task, though (may have to start making my own!). 🙂
Next stop on our cultural journey: Holy Week.
Hello!!!
Happy New Year to all!!
I am very happy that at times (Is it?) to hear very nice comments from expatriate about my beloved country. I may be fanatic of my being a Filipino but I always stand proud of being born as one. I live and work here in the U.S. and I also stand proud to depend at all cost my adopted country. I do my very best to contribute whatever I can to make my adopted country the best not forgeting my home country as well. I always consider that my success here in this adopted home would be a success to my dear old motherland not only of sending back the needed currency but also I believe in my own way, my contribution for the good of the environment would benefit not only my host country, my motherland, but the whole planet as a whole.
By the way, I work as a Civil and Structural Engineer in the Solar Industry, one of the project I am proud of is the Solar Power Installation right in front of the Denver International Airport. It is designed (Civil and Structural Scope) by a Filipino Engineer educated in the Philippines (Silliman University, Dumaguete City).
I really hate expatriates, destroying and maligning their host country. The minute you feel or you experienced something you can not tolerate from your host country, better leave that country.
I read alot of negative comments that maligned my motherland by people not only living but doing business in my beloved country. Yet, they still afford to stay a second more and not intend to leave. One good example is the Owner of the ABA or the American Boxing Association based in Mindanao, I hope he will realized that the way he wrote his article in the Philboxing, he hurt a lot of people from his host country.
I still have alot of comments but I just don't have the luxury of time at this moment.
I just thank all of you for keeping this site alive.
Hi Bob!
Happy New Year to ya'll!
I really miss spending Christmas in the Phils!! The evening mass, noche buena, the carollers…. nothing like Pinoy Christmas!
By the way Bob, read your Christmas giveaways to poor Filipinos! You are indeed a man with a magnanimous heart! Your breed is rare! Your good deeds will never be forgotten.
Hello Bob!
Reading your article brings me back the memory of my mother and the happy Christmas memories I've had as a child. She is just a product of a poor family in Bohol but she was able to brought her children in "style" . I realized it now. I got married with my late Filipino husband 3 months after my college graduation but during my 21 years of being single, among other things, she lavished us with love, affection and material things. She never even finish her elementary education but she had the finesse of a today's total educated woman! My brothers, sisters and I never miss Christmas without the gifts that my mother put beneath our Christmas tree one week before Christmas Eve, As a barrio lass, we spent Christmas in the barangay Basketball Court with all the dancing and singing contest held there. Before 12 midnight, our Mom and Dad will gather us and bring us all (siblings) and go home to open our gifts and eat the noche buena. This will continue until the 25 with all relatives around. I treasure all those moments with our Mom. She died at the young age of 45 but her moment with us is TIMELESS!
Thank you so much for allowing me to reminisce my own gold old days!
CHEERS!
Happy New Year, Bob and Family. To all your readers, Macirne and I wish you all lots of Pesetas, salud y amor from Marinduque
We are enjoying the quiet liffe here in Boac. Access to the internet is in town, so I only read my e-mail every now and then, Thanks for thinking about us. Will not be back to US until mid-april. Take Care and again have a Prosperous, 2009