I love Filipino people. They are without a doubt some of the friendliest, most accommodating people in the world. Sometimes they are accommodating beyond the realm of comfort, though, and this is something that often bothers me.
An example of what I am talking about is when it comes to food. Sometimes, during the day, I might ask Feyma what is for dinner. She will tell me something that sounds real delicious. For example, I really enjoy Shrimp. So, maybe Feyma will tell me that we are going to have sauteed shrimp for dinner, and I might be looking forward to that during the day, because it is something that I enjoy. When it is dinner time, I will take a look and everybody else in the house is eating something else, but there is a beautiful plate of sauteed shrimp there in my place!
I will then ask Feyma, where is your shrimp? She tells me that only I will have Shrimp, everybody else is eating vegetables and rice. I will explain to her that I think everybody should have shrimp too. I know that our kids don’t like shrimp, but I also know that it is a favorite of Feyma’s just like it is for me. So, when I ask her why she is not having shrimp, she will say that she doesn’t feel like shrimp, she feels like vegetables and rice, or fish of some sort. Now, sometimes I can believe that, because we all have different cravings, but I know that Feyma loves shrimp, and I wonder why she is not having it.
The reason, though, that she is not having the better dish becomes clear when you go other places. A lot of times, when I will go visit people, they will serve me the “better” food, and their family eats something less. Honestly, I believe it comes down that since you are a guest, and especially that you are a foreigner, you are given the “cream of the crop” and they will settle for something less.
This is only an example of what I am talking about. It happens a lot with food, but with other things too. I remember the first time when I came to the Philippines, in 1990. I met Feyma in Cebu, and later we were going to fly to General Santos City to meet her family. When we arrived there in GenSan, we went to her family house. It was obvious that her parents were not well to do, yet they presented a big spread of food to welcome me. I can only imagine that they must have spent several weeks, maybe a month worth of their salary as a welcome to me when I visited them. This kind of thing makes me so uncomfortable. I mean, what is the appropriate thing for me to do? That time in 1990 when I visited Feyma’s family, I wanted to get some money and give them to pay for the welcome feast, but that also seems that it would be somewhat insulting to them, to give them money like that. Even though I have lived here for a long time now, I still don’t know how to appropriately handle things like this. It still makes me uncomfortable.
What do you think?
Yes Bob,
I know exactly what you mean, and it's a tricky one, because when it comes to food and the food you are offered, it is very very easy to insult Filipino's; in a way, it's a no win situation for you. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately in this instance, I don't really like filipino foods much, so I am usually served something different by arrangement. A plate of rice and stewed vegetables wouldn't be too apetising for me, but I have to say, most of the filipino families I know enjoy nothing more. Sometimes, even the finest steak, served perfectly, would be looked down on over a dish of little dried fishes. Each to their own I guess. I must say though, I am looking forward to trying some of this Panga later this year when we are in town.
Bob,
Where did you take the picture you have listed with this article?
Thanks,
Steve
yea Bob i do know this as well and unfortunetly it isnt until some time after you realize what an honer and special occasion it was for the host just to have you there. It really is quite humbling to know someone is willing to go without of have less of to make sure you have your accustomed comfort, when in actuality, you only want to be looked upon as an equal, and not be put on a pedestal and be subjected to a guilt. I suppose that is a custom we didn't have in our culture
i have the same problem i cook a fantastic meal for my wife (i am italian american) and my wife rather have dried fish and plain rice.she wont eat pasta or tomato sause,but she will cook pancit and eat that it says vermicelli right on the bag i remind her that pancit is a form of pasta doesnt matter as long as its filipino pasta! i gave up trying to make food for her and we eat seperatley most of the time because i dont care for rice and whatever ,and my wife all she knows how to do is fry every meat she cooks . i told her she needs to include vegies and salad into her diet and less pork and fried foods but she eats fried food morning noon and nite . i told her her eating will catch up to her with a heart attack and high blood pressure some day !
thinking it through, my only estimation i can come up with why filipinos behave this way is because we are afraid of being embarrassed. filipinos are big on protecting their name, their reputation. when we are able to offer the best we have, we take pride over it. it's kind of a show off sort of way. ever notice birthday celebrations in the Philippines are elaborate? Parents strive hard to give a feast to neighbors even it will cost them whole month's salary and still be paying for it months after the celebration. these all come from pride i believe.
Thanks Bob,
You know, I told my wife that I was tired of Paradise because the beach there is really not very nice. You may have changed my mind with that one picture!!
Hi Bob,
In the case of the welcome party, I usually try to give money through a third party; like my wife or one of her siblings. The other thing that makes me fell better is to buy a sack of rice or some groceries and have it given to them after I leave.
Mark C.
bob, i remember a missionary friend saying that whenever they go visit people in the mountains, they were always served rice while the family hides in the back and eat "camote" (sweet potato). what the family didn't know was that she'd rather have sweet potatoes than rice. hahaha…
Hi steve A – you sound like my husband. hahaha. see you in a few. sorry bob i had to plug in.
Been there to Bob ….. My wife will go shopping with the mother and get groceries so everyone will eat .. and Yea my wife dose the same thing too ..I eat one thing they eat something else ..white rice ,dried fish …. and other places we all eat the same food ..Yea Bob…. home or away SIR is at work .. Filipinos will be Filipinos .. so I guess you have to live with it … i will hee hee . 🙂 …. I like to eat too .. Phil n Jess
Hi Bob,
You will find this is not just restricted to PI,but very common throughout S E Asia and even in other places like India.There is no real answer but to accept it.
regards Chas.
I do 98% of the cooking in my house so everyone eats what I eat LOL.
This is kind of a delicate subject. Difficult for me LOL. The bottom line those that do not understand this are I have to say (and any social behaviorist would agree)inherently selfish and insecure. I mean why would it be embarrasing to understand why someone would want to cook or do something for you that you will like. And even if they like it as well, maybe they don't want to eat it that night or there is only enough for you. It doesn't matter. The point is they are concerened for your happiness. Again this is something quite epidemic with American and especially Europeans. I on the other hand always try and find out what a guest or friend might enjoy eating or a favorite dish so I can prepeare it for them and make them happy. Otherwise, maybe they won't like what I am cooking and will be forced to eat something they don't like just to be polite. How stupid a concept is that. . I can't eat shellfish but that doesn't stop me from serving my guests lobster, shrimp, mussels on the same evening for dinner. Hey that's just me. So the next time you have someone over for dinner, why not take the time to see what THEY LIKE TO EAT!
Steven,
Ang bawat pangungusap na ibinabahagi mo dito sa LiP ay laging may kasamang panghahamak. Kung hindi ka masaya sa Pilipinas at dito sa LiP, bakit nandyan/nandito ka pa? Nagkakalat ka lamang ng lason. Masyadong marami nang hindi magandang mga nangyayari sa buong mundo. Bakit dinadagdagan mo pa nang iyong panghahamak at pagtuya sa kalagayan ng Pilipinas at pamumuhay ng mga Pilipino, kasama na ang mga hindi magandang komento mo dito sa artikulo ni Bob? Bakit hindi na lang pagmamahal at pag unawa ang iyong ibahagi? Baka makadagdag ka pa sa kabutihan sa mundo.
Alam kong isinasaad mo lamang ang iyong nararamdaman ngunit gaya ng sabi ng isang "commenter" dito, nakakasuya ang mga sinasabi mo. Maglagay ka naman ng larawan at ng may mukha kaming makita na kaiinisan. 🙂
Ngayon maghanap ka ng taga salin nitong mensahe ko para naman may matutunan ka kahit paano sa Pilipino. Baka sakaling talaban ka ng hiya.
Hi Bob
My thought was this… would I be selfless enough to serve shrimp to my husband (as much as I love him) and go without??? I think not. If we could only have 6 shrimp I would share them or we would both be eating baked beans on toast.
Maybe it is something to aspire to?
And yes, we must get together, Feyma and I were talking about it the other day. So were Dino and I. Will mail Feyma now and see what we can set up.
Have a good day
Beth – I will have my wife translate your thoughts.
Mark C does nearly what I would typically do. I would accept what they put on the table and show them my genuine appreciation. These people not only spent a good percentage of their income to pay for the food, but often times they borrowed from friends and relatives to pay for it. Showing your appreciation is very important to the host family and eating what they put on the table is a validation of that. You won't be forgotten if you eat what they put on the table. I return the favor by several methods: treat the host family to a nearby restaurant, invite them over for dinner, or leave a gift behind. Whichever is appropriate.
If you're going to be visiting 2 or more families in one day, don't over eat in one place and then tell the subsequent hosts that you're full. Very Impolite. Pace yourself and make room for your new hosts. Remember that they spent a lot of time and effort trying to please you. All you have to do is to show them genuine appreciation. You'll talked about (in a positive way) long after you've left.
I think the best way to thank people that extend exceptional hospitality is to just enjoy it and let it show. I will never forget the hospitality I received when I came to visit. I found out after the fact that one individual even pawned their cell phone to get some cash to buy a special cake for me.
The second night of my first visit I was invited to attend a debut party for a Filipina. Some of my friends there knew of all the precautions I had received about eating unknown food in the Philippines as I had previously sent them scans of some of the information I had received here from a Travel Doctor. A Few of the people at this party knew what I really looked forward to and would make me very happy. After being seated, while others were in line for the buffet of home made food, a special tray was brought to me loaded with a fantastic variety of favorites a place they knew I enjoyed, " Jollibee " ! I was the only one at this gathering of about 60 people eating Jollibee. This may sound simple to many readers but to me it was something very special, the Ultimate in Hospitality !
Thanks to the suggestion of Bob Martin, on my second visit a few months later I did expand the variety of local food as Bob had advised me that if my digestive system was any where near normal most likely I would not have any propblem with the food there. Once again, Bob's suggestion and advice proved accurate.
salamat beth.
Bob,
The way I see it there's nothing to be ashamed of as even I try to offer my guests the best of what I have. However, Id not go as far as giving some bloke my last morsel of food if I had no other for my family. I do though realize some pinoys will do that though simply to not look poor by having no food to offer, simply saving face nothing more. No different really than the dude earning less than 6tphp per month but borrowing 20,000-25,000php at 20% monthly interest just to throw a baptismal party for a kid who will not remember it the next day and doing this without thinking that this will leave them wanting for food in all probability for a while to come, all just to show off to folks who most likely are just as poor as them, foolish really.
Justin
Hi Carolynn,
Wow Beans on toast,a classic favourite.I top mine with a poached egg,yummy.
regards Chas.
Hi Bob – Treating a guest to food (usually better than the host's family will enjoy) is a cultural tradition that confounds westerners. And it's not limited to any particular time of day, either – "Have you eaten yet?" is the greeting with which a guest arriving at anytime of day will hear.
Don't know if my "fix" will work for others, but when I find myself in a position of being "offered the banana while the family eats the peel," I just take a small portion of what is offered, pass the rest to the person on my left, and ask if I could have a little bit of the this's and that's that make up "the peel." Not wanting to offend me, everyone gets a chance to enjoy everything on the table. 😉
Now my problem with meals focuses more on quantity and I've had to just live with it. I have a hard time getting around a table full of food enought for 10 when there are only 2 of us eating! 😆
yip, Chas and grated cheese mixed in….. Oooohhh nearly lunch time.
Kamusta ka Bob,
Well…Bob, I understand fully where you are coming from…I do..and I would feel the same too. I would feel very uncomfortable about seeing all of this food prepared for me, especially when they have so little money coming in.
But from what a lot of us have learned from you on this site, is, that we need to get use to filipino customs and culture. This is there way of saying "thanks" or "welcome", and or just being polite hosts. Its there customs, not ours, and we must learn to live like that there.
As for Feyma serving you a different dish, I can see that happening here as well. My mother would sometimes serve my father something different..especially if it were a dish he didn't like..but the rest of us kids did like it. Maybe it does have something to do with her culture, but to me that just sounds like a considerate wife is all, serving shrimp to you, instead of just rice and vegetables(which I would be happy to eat…I love rice and veggies ).
Just my two cents is all,
Take care,
Danny 😉
Carolynn that's cool , with Pepperjack cheese too ummm
ummm, i hate to impose, but can i request shrimp at the first Annual LiP Dinner?
Hi Bob,
I have to agree with Paul's method! It works like a charm. Everyone feels good at the end of the meal. I've never been at a meal where you can't get a little of something you'll enjoy. I just stay clear from denuguan and balut and pile my rice a bit higher! Ha Ha Ha!
Cheers!
i humbly bow to you sir.
when is the LiP Dinner btw? hopefully no sooner than july or i'll miss it – there are so many on this site i'd truly have the honor to meet…
Bob,
In no stretch of the imagination can a person earning only 6tphp taking out a 20tphp loan at 20% monthly interest be seen as logical in any nation on this earth. Of course person who does it may think it logical at time but even they most likely regret it down the road. Your right though some may think things we do in America are crazy and Id agree , prime example would be the idiots who have managed to totally destroy the housing market by continuously pulling out equity as if it where money grown on trees despite knowing fully well they couldn't pay the mortgages without banking on increased equity. Both cases are basically the same and both are equally foolish. I guess common sense is the least common sense of all.
Justin
i bet folks would flock to davao for a LiP meet & greet 😯
more importantly, I can't wait for your balut video!!
Bob,
I agree. I guess they may see our kicking kids out at age 18 as rather odd also. Truly though not much diffrence in either country except for the numbers involved as a Filipino may finance a truly un-needed party while a American my finance a Range Rover or some other European automobile.
Justin
Don’t feel bad Bob. I’m the same way; I have to cook 2 different dishes, one for me and two for my hubby & daughter. My son on the other hand is very picky eater. (His more on American food) The only Filipino food he eats is chicken adobo. There times that I don’t like eating steak or any western food on that matter, I prefer simple food; rice is #1 for me, dried fish, fresh fish & veggies’. I can eat fish daily.
After Almost 18yrs of marriage, my hubby really came a long way; he eats pancit, adobo, sinigang, lumpia, and many more Filipino dishes. Except bulad, balot and blood pudding (dinuguan, he said not in million years.)
Ok, so what do you do if you are offered a dish of "male tuna egg" ? My biology was bad but I didn't know male tuna had eggs and this was pretty long…. And they don't serve anything like gem squash that has a nifty shell to hide things under…. I took the smallest piece and chopped it up and shoved it under other stuff. Couldn't get it small enough to fit into the calamansi peels though. Balut… I think not…. Have eaten a fair amount of tripe which is ok, wouldn't rush out and buy it myself. And the fish roe at Luz Kinilaw was amazing, so why I am so squeemish about the tuna dish I don't know…..
But then, as it has been said, there is so much selection that you can eat without giving offense.
Bob in New York, you were honored. I have always thought that if people remember what you like and don't like it is immensely flattering. And offering food in any culture is very important.
And "our" Bob, I am sure Chas and I could whip up a good meal and Phil could bring the cheese, now just for a starter and desert…..
But for today I want pancakes, South African ones rolled up with cinnamon and sugar, you remember them at all? They were more like crepes really. But my Mom got me started. Was talking about Shrove Tuesday ….
@ Beth: I did not see your comment… Go girl… Maraming Salamat. 🙂
Bob,
I am afraid Janet is right!! I remember my Mom serving a delicious fried chicken to our guests one time and told us, kids to hide in the bedroom. Of course, when the guests were all done eating and said goodbye…what was left in the table were chicken bones!!! Oh how we feasted on those chicken bones, LOL!
Beth, tama. Sumasang-ayon ako sa iyo. Sa tingin ko siguro ng tao ay mabiro.
Have a good day everyone.
Bob: Late to the party (hell of a day), but I'm treated the same way in Abulug… I try and bring up as many provisions as we can, and focus on special treats for my Mother in Law (Nescafe, hershey kisses, Mentos, and… Hope cigarettes….Shhhhhh!, on that one…it's our secret). Before we leave, we always end up stocking the house with 20 kg of veggies and another 20kg of meat and fish…. Mama always complains we spend too much, but then I get a smile that is worth whatever it cost… I know that I'm now family. They still cook special food for me, and I eat a little bit, and try to round up the kids to share with them (I ….help… getting them fed). With Aunts and Uncles and so on, we try to bring a treat with us that everyone can share (Becky's Aunt Linda LOVES ice cream), and, since most of the relatives are farmers, we'll buy some fruits or veg "for the neighbors", rather than ourselves, so they keep their dignity.
I've been working on Becky regarding food at home since we started dating… cooking is enough work without preparing two separate meals. No dice. I do know, though, it is how she expresses that she loves me, and I accept that. It is just hard to watch her do that work. (I try to occasionally cook some of her more "western" favorites, like carbonara, for her).
Bob: I feel the same…and Becky does the same thing! GREAT STORY.
Hi, I agree with Paul's comment. Also i have found that in my case my in-laws want me to eat before they do which is not what I am used to. I always encourage everyone to eat at the same time but some of the family is a little hesitant to do so. I suppose its just a bit of a cultural difference which we have to get used to. Also that I should be treated as just another family member, not as someone special.
cheers
Carolinn :
Thank you for your comment and yes I certainly did feel honored. With so many negative things I was " told " about going to The Philippines prior to my first visit there I believe a bit of magic took place while I was there as it turned out to be the best vacation I ever had !
I had been briefly informed just prior from my departure from New York that I would be going to this party on my second night there, a bit of the significance of this party got lost in translation, or my ignorance of Philippine Culture and tradition. I was not aware that a Filipinas 18th Birthday was such a special event. I think it is similar to what in the USA is a " Sweet 16 " party for a girl.
As an additional unexpected " surprise " shortly after my arrival at the resrot this event took place at, I found I was listed on the program to give " Words of Inspiration " ! Fortunately I brought a few extra pasalubongs so I brought a " Whitman Sampler " ( fancy USA boxed chocolates ) as a gift for the Birthday Girl. I thought I had covered myself with that but when it came to " Words of Inspiration " a box of fancy USA chocolates just wouldn't cover it.
Now you can just picture me in a room full of people of whom I only kind of knew 6 of them and then I find out I am requested to speak to an audience I didn't even know if they would understand me, let alone doing some fast thinking to say something appropriate. This event took place at a resort overlooking Iligan Bay and looking out over the balcony reminded me of something I had kept to myself for over a year after comming up with it. Now this was before I was presented with my own personal tray of Jollibee Delights.
Now, how did I talk my way around this one ? Give it some thought , what would you have done ? Here is a link to how I handled that situation as someone had the video cam going. One line got clipped out towards the end as the person with the camera did not realize there was a pause in the dialog but I am sure you will get the idea. I make one mention of Jollibee and moments later I am presented with food from Jollibee. If that is not a bit of Magic , I don't know what is !
Here is the Link :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPt8YltS1z0
This special kind of generosity and hospitality is one of the qualities that makes me love my wife even more all the time. We live in the U.S. but Lydia hasn't lost that sense of consideration for guests. We were haveing company over last Christmas … my family, and friends of one of my brother. My older brother and sister-in-law don't eat much meat, one of their friends is Mulim and doesn't eat pork, and the rest of us, well … will eat anything. Lydia went out of her way to ensure that everyone's tastes were accomodated … veggie dishes for the vegetarians, a turkey ham (insted of pork, our usual tradition) and, of course, many other courses to suit others' tastes. I kept saying "don't worry, everyone will be OK with fewer courses, there will be plenty" but she wouldn't have anything of it and worked so hard to accoommate everyone's interests. While money wasn't an issue in our case – the time, work, and thoughtfulness on my wifes part to put all this together was wonderful and she never (after 25 years of marriage) never ceases to amaze me.
BETH AND ANN,
KASAMA NYO KO KABAYAN. MATAGAL KO NANG GUSTONG SUMULAT KAY BOB TUNGKOL DYAN KAYA LANG AYOKO NG KAAAWAY, HINDI PA NAMAN MARUNONG TUMANGGAP NG OPINYON YANG TAONG YAN. NAAAWA AKO SA ASAWA NYANG PILIPINA. PAANO KAYA NYA ITRATO ANG ASAWA NYA.
Hello Chris, pwedeng sumali…malay ba natin kong pareho ugali nila he he he (jokes lang ha)!
Hi Bob, kasabot ko sa imo nga side same with my husband dili siya gusto nga tagaan siyag importansiya, I mean about filipino custom hospitality labi na nga maulaw man siya,but I understand with Feyma kay mora man pod siya og ako!
Wow Bob from New York, that was brave. And it looked like you really touched April. No wonder they treat you so well. It is very easy to buy a gift, but not so easy to give so much of yourself. I would have said a few generic words and sat down. Well done you!
you know Bob,
On my first trip there I went fo family first and then to hotel. I did have food that probably did cost a month wages. Not to mention the inside of house had to be repainted for me. I got there on a Friday and on Sunday after church it was already know that Andy was cookiing breakfast, eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns . toast, butter, and jelly, 3 kinds. Josey sister tried all and went to rice cooker and got rice. hehehe I know what they are saying on this thread. Oh the next week I bought a whole pig and let them cook. Yummy
next time Bob I will cook there food but acually I had to give respice fo taco's and gualimie hehe
This article really brought a great deal of discussion. Well for me, even if I am not a foreigner, I sometimes get to experience the same situation in barrios here in Palawan. They know quite well that I am not a native here. As a Filipino, there is nothing more gratifying than to serve your guest well and that includes giving the best for the guest while the host eats…well not the best. But do not fret Bob, if you just show your appreciation for their service that is definitely much better. I am always happy to serve my guests…just to see their happiness because of quality service is enough for me.
Another thing, my wife always gives me the best food, while she on the other hand settles for less. It does make me uncomfortable but it would make her mad if I do not show my appreciation by eating the food. Makes me want to love her more.
Share your sediments Bob. Bit embarrassing, me eating meat and chicken while the family eats stewed vegies and boiled rice. Nowadays I just buy meat for the whole family so we all eat the same thing.
I don't quite get these birthday celebrations though, i said to my wife all I want is a low key family affair. But as I write this comment on my 50th BD, there are people everywhere preparing food for what seems like a horde of people?
My idea of family is about 10 people, but looking at the 50kg sack of rice, I think near 100 LOL.
Well you all have a good day, you hear, I am sure I will……..bye for now
Bob, you are right. I am Bruce's friend from Palawan. He has been very helpful and I really appreciate it. Makes me want to do more of my best. heheehe..anyway I enjoy your articles and of course the whole lip..makes me understand you guys better. sometimes our own culture limits how we think. Reading about your feelings and thoughts makes the picture clearer. hehehehe..
About dried fish, Cebuanos like it very much..better than meat. My mom and aunts would choose to eat it even if other delicious dishes are served..hehehehe..
o Cebuano ko…bisayang dako..hehehe..My mom grew up in Unidos Mindanao..I was raised there for 2 years too…hehehe..i love mindanao…
Mao ba…hehehe..okay man pud…minor lang ang mistakes..hehehe..pero akong inahan mas maayo nako mag sinibueno…I was brought up in a Christian school where we had to speak english.hheehe..nindot na para di ka libakon dira…
mao ba….hehehe…dako pud ang gi gasto sa akong mga ginikanan sa akong education para makaton ko ug iningles..mao nga very proud ko nila kay dako ila sakripisyo…hehehe..
Bob,
You now have hit one of the best reasons married to a Filipina. The care they give to their husband is unmatched.
I eat most of the items Elena cooks, but sometimes she will be cooking items that I have not yet learned to enjoy, such as the small, guppy size fish. At those times there will be something I enjoy.
Also since you mention shrimp, I joke about the first time I saw shrimp here, head, legs, big black eyes I joked, is that what shrimp look like, I thought they were only tails.
When ever she has shrimp for a meal, she will take some, remove the heads, shell, legs off, remove the vein and make me shrimp scampi in white pasta.
I still have to watch them suck the heads as they eat theirs, but I get it the way I enjoy.
Also, no matter how ill, angry or upset Elena is, she will always make my coffee, meals and snacks.
I also rarely feel hungry so if I am out during the day without her, about noon I will get a text reminding me to get lunch and then again a half hour later to make sure I ate.
Hi Bob,
Just found your site and I'm enjoying reading the comments. I'm from Davao city and living here in the U.S.(Montana) for almost 10 years now and was able to go back to Phils. just once. All the food that you're all talking about made me hungry and crave especially the seafood.
Well, remember guys that we are created by God uniquely. We, Filipinos are unique in some other ways———-culturally, customs, traits etc……….
Hi Bob, I am new to the Filipino culture and was very cautious not to offend, I was actually quite worried about the food situation because there was Fil food I have eaten or tried to eat without grimmishing in front of them at the dinner table here in the states but I found the food quite different in the Visayan region, I stayed with my girlfreind and her family and they were unbelievably gracious, like you said to the point of discomfort, I have helped them alot in the last six months since I have known them and they have never taken my help as an insult, they said that I was very mabait, responsible,and how much they respected me for it and how thankful they were. I couldn't be there for Christmas but I sent my girlfreind the money to buy everything they needed to feed their whole family a really nice dinner, I saw the pictures, they had quite a spread and big smiles, When I arrived, everything that was served was so basic that I had no problem, just about any fish or chicken was grilled, no problem for me, rice and vegatables, again nothing I couldn't deal with and we all ate the samething, when I was there we went to the wet market I told my gf, just get what we need and I'll just pay for it, I told my gf I did not want in anyway to offend her family and she said not to worry they were all very understanding, and they were, I guess I was quite lucky, where I found I had to be cautious because of my guilt was the amount that I ate. I like to eat and figured if I bought enough we could all eat the way I'm used to eating, doesn't work that way, the more I ate the less they ate no matter how much food I bought, so out of respect I cut back. . One of the reasons I think I had it so easy is that they were so poor they didn't really have the means to cook anything exotic which I might have had a hard time eating and it provided no opportunity to cook me something different than they were eating, actually when I just adjusted to the way they ate and ate the same amount, I felt much better and had more energy and it also took the discomfort away, can't wait to go back, I am so grateful for your website, it has helped me research for my trip to the Philippines, main thing that helped me the most was just to be humble and freindly and helpful, it took me along ways, thanks again Bob, hope the plumbing problems gets better, this might humble you a little, we took baths with buckets of water and soap outside not hot water, the bathroom was an elevated cement square, like an outhouse with a toilet bowl, no seat, tank , or lid, and a plastic container of water you poured in it after you used it to flush it. This experience changed my outlook on life. I have a great deal of respect for these folks who can live this way and have such gratitude for what little they do have and be happy to just have each other. my gf was so worried about me seeing her situation and that I would reject her and her family because I was an American and we have everything, I told her thats why I coming to the Philippines, I like what you have better than what the americans have, and that I have been homeless and new what poverty was and was grateful for the humility from the experience and I think that helped them receive my help and not be insulted by it, we became very close, I will email you a couple of pics if you would like to see them, it documents the poverty pretty well in just a couple of pictures, thanks again Bob.
Thanks Bob, I made a mistake about the posting, I looked under the wrong heading, I will open up an account in the photo gallery however out of the privacy and respect to the family I can only post certain ones for all to see, thanks for correcting me on this, I thought I commented on another topic by the way I used one of your services and customer service was top notch, thank you, also Are you and Feyma the processors of the K-1 visa or is that a sponser that does the processing, thanks Bob
When I first met my husband's family and relatives here in the states it was a culture shock for me that they won't even bother to ask or offer me a glass of water…In return, when my husband and I was about to come and visit the philippines my family remembered the time I told them the poor hospitality of the americans towards me. So in return my family starved him too. Ha!ha!ha! that was really cool!!! and about time the filipino learned not to treat the foriegners like kings. My family let my husband slept on the floor without airconditioning. Did he complained? no siree!!! I admire my family's orgasity to do such thing…they just want to get even.