I’ve been living back here in the Philippines for almost 10 years now. I am thinking I still have lots of adjustments to do. As I said before its not easy to live back here.Really difficult, but its getting better over time. My first few months to 2 years here was really hell for me. It was so hard to get used to again to everyday life here. It was a big struggle for me. There were times that I just wanted to stay in bed and not wanting to be with other people. It’s just so depressing. I would cry a lot. It was hard to communicate back to my friends back then.
Maybe now it would be better and easier to get used too. Being good Internet connection now and calling abroad is way cheaper. The phone provider now gives good rates. Then there is Skype and of course we have the Vonage. A Vonage is like phone but needs an internet connection. You can call unlimited anywhere in North America 24/7 for $25. Being my mother-in-law and our friends are in Washington State we have our local number in that area. Our kids and Granny can call each other any time without paying any long distance call. It’s really convenient for us. I call up my friend in Japan regularly and pay only a small amount on that. If we used our cell phones its going to cost us way too much.
One thing that is hard for me to adjust here coming back seeing a lot members in my family keeps popping babies and can’t afford to support their own kids. Just going around town lots of poor people and kids begging for money. The parents are telling the kids to beg. One time we went to a Dunkin Donut place and outside the door there was a cute little girl begging for food and money. I asked here why she’s not in school its school days. She told me that “I dropped out of school because my parents can’t afford for us siblings to go to school”. Wow that really hit me hard. I was just lucky growing up. Bob and I then bought her a donut and gave her money. That night we went back after dinner and she was still there. We then bought some barbecue and some rice for her. My heart goes out to them and wishing I can help all of them . It took me awhile to get used to that. Bob and I wanted to helped a lot but we know that we can’t do it. It’s really depressing sometimes.
Just thinking back before moving here I was really petrified to move. Just thinking about it makes me cry a bit. To be honest I never wanted to move here. Do I regret in moving here now? Sometimes I do, its one of the hardest decision that I ever made in life. I didn’t really know at that time whats in store for us here in the Philippines. It was a roller coaster ride for us here. I would not recommend it to anybody who has doubts about moving here. Really hard adjustments here that will take forever at that time. The only thing that makes it easier for me to live here is seeing Chris more accepted here and he really is happy here. He is really loved by my family and friends here. He had good chance of having a better life here than in the States. He likes to go to our farm and stay there with my few siblings and help them with taking care of the animals and with harvesting corn or copra or squash. His learning how to make charcoal out of the coconut shells.
Back to adjustments here. If you are into shopping good and expensive stuff you have to live in big cities like Manila. You can buy a lot there and they had more stuff than in the province. We are residing in Davao City. We have good stuff here not quite as good in Manila. Even eating places we don’t have a good variety of places to chose from. Can you imagine the small towns then, they don’t have a lot. You have to fly to Manila or go to the nearest big city then. But hey, if you want to live simpler life then the small towns is okay for you then. Each of us has preferable place in mind to settle here. Bob and I lived in GenSan. At that time its so hard to get any anything there, we have to come to Davao to buy just simple stuff. But now they really improved big time. More malls and more stuff. Before moving back here Bob and I decided that we would never live in Manila. If that happens we would rather go back to the States. We just don’t have the desire to live there. We really are happy in Davao. I know its getting a little traffic now but still we like it here. Hopefully we would lived here for awhile. My family really are wanting me to live in Gensan because its closer for Chris to go to the farm then. Will see what happens after our youngest son graduated high school.
To be honest a lot of people came here to lived and they will just stay months to few years and go back to the country the guy belongs too. I felt for them because they have to start all over again. It’s not easy to come here, it cost a lot of money and same thing on moving back there. With the good information now on the net try to study hard and ask around before coming here and make a commitment so that your hard earned money will not go to waste. To tell you frankly its really very difficult to adjust here. A lot in life here is so backward, but try to really handle it. Not all of us can do it. When coming to live here you have to carry a lot of patience with you. Try to go with the flow, which is so difficult. You can’t make it here if you have so much anger with you. It will trigger then here, at the end you will end up in jail. I’m sure that’s not the kind of life you want. Please think real hard before moving here.
Good luck to all of you that wants to live here!
Hello Feyma,
It’s backward yes, funny sometimes, busy, poor – so many adjectives describe the Philippines, but it is home to many millions of very friendly people. After my six week journey around the whole of the Philippines, I would say that I would, and could live there. There are so many things positive depending on the lifestyle you choose. My attitude is to “think positive”.
Hi John in Austria – Glad that you came and meet with us. Hey I hope one of this day you are going to join up with us here and enjoy life here. It’s not perfect but its been pretty good so far for us anyway. You can handle it. Like what you said think positively.
Good to see you here John. It was really nice seeing you for the first time here at our house.
Take care!
Hi Feyma,
I am bothered by the poverty. The problem seems too big for the government to solve. I read a recent Manila Times article about more filipino families falling below the poverty line.
It breaks my heart in seeing children beg for money. Juramie and I were in Ormoc at an open air food court when approached by 2 boys asking for money. I gave them some pesos. We had a hotdog left over at the end of the meal so I looked around for them. The 2 boys were standing next to their parents and the mother was breastfeeding another anak. The 1 boy ate the hot dog very fast. I wish I bought them more. You have a right to be mad at the parents. The children are the ones who suffer the most.
On another point, I know many filipino people living in the USA who look forward to retiring back home. I had a friend who went home for her Dad’s funeral and had trouble returning back back here.
Thank you for posting the article. I really enjoy your writing. Also, beautiful picture of you and your children.
Hi Jack – Tell me about it. That the one thing thats hard seeing here in the Philippines daily. Oh well I am starting to getting used to it already. Still its hard, I wish I could change it but I can’t.
We’ve done a lot of that giving food to the kids or older people. We even have times we ordered food for them. I can see your point that they are begging for money and food but the parents have brand new babies too. How could they had another one when they are struggling to make a living. It’s really hard to see. I understand the feeling of your Filipina friend.
Thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you like the article and the picture.
Take care!
Feyma – That is some very good advice. In addition, I would suggest that anybody who wants to move there spend more than a few weeks…more like several months to make sure they can adjust. I spent 2 months in Bukidnon when I got married this year. While I loved many aspects of it and had a wonderful time, I realized that I couldn’t live there long term. There were too many things I would have difficulty adjusting to. People have to be honest with themselves…it’s not for everybody.
Hi rc – Good advice. Nothing wrong with what you said that you can’t lived here long term. Good that you are honest to yourself.
For the readers, stay here for awhile and feel the place if its really for you before moving here.
Thank you so much for your comment. Nice to see you here. Take care!
Feyma, great article!
With the outsourcing that continues from North America, and Europe to a lesser degree, I would have expected an employment boom in RP, by now. Still, in the near future, we should see greater opportunities for Filipinos, as long as the next president makes an effort to help, rather than profit from, his/her people. Because the global economic change is occurring at the same time many people are reaching retirement age, therefore looking for affordable places to retire, I truly believe that The Philippines has a tremendous opportunity to acquire wealth. As you and Bob are like the “welcome wagon” for foreigners arriving, I believe that you will prosper through services offered. Yes, it can be challenging to see the poverty & be unable to help everyone, everytime. That was my greatest challenge when I lived in Davao, before. My wife is interested in starting a food & job bank for women when we return to Davao. When we meet, if you are not too busy, maybe you could work with her on that project.
Mike
Mike
Hi Mike – Yes the call centers are really one of the booming businesses here in the Philippines. Just in Davao alone we must have hundreds of call centers here. We even have school teaching how to be on that job. Lots of people go to that school, because they know at the end they can get better and good paying job.
Hey thank you so much for having good faith in Bob and Me. We tried our very best to help anyone that wanted our advice.
>>>My wife is interested in starting a food & job bank for women when we return to Davao. When we meet, if you are not too busy, maybe you could work with her on that project.<<<
Sure I would love to meet you and your wife and help you on this project. We've been helping some poor families every year here. Looking forward on seeing you guys on your next visit.
Thank you so much for stopping by! Take care
Thanks for writing this, Feyma. Many of those on the outisde looking in just automatically think that a Filipno has no trouble readjusting to the Philippines … but it is almost never easy.
And for a foreigner too, t6he constant poverty and the way many people have been beaten down so many years that they can’t even hope or aspire to better things for themselves is just difficult, very difficult to deal with.
Hi Dave Starr – Very true Dave really hard. Can’t argue on that.
Good to see you here. Hi to Mita.
Take care!
I’ve been back and forth around 5 times in 15+ some for work, some for personal. Only 2 years ago, when my older sister gave it a trial run and I joined her briefly that I found I could adapt and adjust, including how to budget, what to buy, what to do or keep busy, who hang out with etc. I have a checklist in my head and finding out more now that I can do without a lot more than I thought. I understand about your popping babies. Baby making seems to have been a primary industry for a generation who grew up in the ’70s/’80s. Although I was born, and spent my formative years there, it was a very different country we left. But, when all is considered there’s more positives now, possibilities for me.
Hi AlexB – I hear you. Hey we would have left here a long time ago if the negatives out weigh the positive. We like it here now. Lots of good thing going now here in the Philippines and keeps improving. But its not for everybody though too.
Thank you so much for stopping by here. Keep reading…
Take care!
I can relate to your situation Feyma. My wife and I are pure filipino and are probably moving back to Davao later on and also have thoughts about how life would be moving back to PI but since we grow up there, we already know certain things that is not surprising. I just hope and pray that we will make right decisions esp. there are some people there who just want to take advantage. If its too good to be true I advice you all not to take your chances esp. in business deals.
I believe that anybody can overcome poverty. It just all depends on a person. I read the bible and I found so many things and wisdom there to overcome poverty, stress, depression, laziness, greed and also prosperity. Laziness is one of the big problem at Phils. I see a lot of poor people gambling, doing drugs, alcohol and other bad habits and let their children work at a young age when they can really use that money for more important things. Lots of people there does not know how to have their priorities set and has no balance in life. It is sad but its the reality that most poor people at Phils. are cursed because of their lack of knowledge and poor judgements.
I care about my fellow countrymen and I do not just seat and watch but I ask one of my relative to do food drive once a week to help the poor and malnurished kids. If we all do little things here and there then we could make a change. Its better than doing nothing at all. I thank everyone here for helping not just Filipinos but other people all over the world who needs help. At least you give them hope that somebody cares. God bless you all….
Hi Jeff – That was my thoughts before moving here that I can fully adjust the life here since I was born and grow up here. Wow I was wrong I was the one having a hard time adjusting here. Bob had some days but it was really me having a bad time.
You gave some good advice to the readers here. You know what I think why more standby(people without job) because lots of the family members working abroad nowadays. They don’t have to work they just wait the money to arrived.
Lots of lesson to learned here. I hope our readers will learn though.
Good to see you again here. Take care!
My first trip there the poverty really bothered me.But I know there is only a lil I can do to help so if i saw a beggar i give them some money or some food.If someone my father inlaw knows needs some work I hire them to do some painting or other chores.At christmas time I give out food.So now i dont feel so bad when I see the poverty cause I know im doing my part to help people but I still do pitty for the poor people.But I do love my friends and nieghbors here they are great.Its alot better than when I lived in the usa my nieghbors where such snobs.
Hi jason – Thank you for your comment. You had good thing going already with your wife’s family and neighbors. Keep it up.
Nice to see you here. Take care!
The poverty does not bother me as much as the lack of basic education about health, nutrition and hygiene. I fight a losing battle with my family to explain fundamental things like brushing teeth and not letting dogs lick plates that people are eating from. Trying to convince them that the filth in the air from vehicles is a cause of serious illnesses and death is impossible. If people understood better the links between decent infrastructure and ordinary everyday quality of life, maybe they would demand more of their politicians and we would see some of the improvements that are necessary before there can be significant economic progress.
That said, I have been lucky to adapt easily to life here. Your final paragraph is a wise summary of what is required for successful expatriation.
Ingat, Ken
Hi Ken Lovell – Can’t agree you more.
Thank you for your comment and advice. Hope to see you more here!
Take care!
Hi Feyma- A very informative article written from the heart as only a woman can do.I would be lying if I said life was a bed of roses here in Talakag but for us its much better than living currently in the UK with all it economic ills.
The big diffrence I have noticed between here and the UK is when young people get an opportunity to progress they generally take it whilst in the UK they tend to think opportunities are like buses another will come along soon.
Its a terrible saying but when we lived in Africa and I complained initially about the poverty and squalor I was told very soon you will only see what you want to see and ignore the rest.
I’m afraid thats what I’m doing nowadays only seeing what I want to see.
Regards.
Jim in Talakag.
Hi Jim – I hear you. Same if we would moved back to the US. Really hard life there nowadays. We are better off here especially with raising our kids.
I think really the younger generations just takes everything for granted. A lot of them just don’t care anymore. I think its the same with UK, US, Philippines and other countries.
Hope to visit you guys someday there in Talakag. Good to see you here.
Take care and hi to Marilou.
Lovely picture Feyma!
Hi jonaky – Thank you so much…
Take care!
Well so far so good I have no trouble living here and ajusting to the differents in the two countries… I am enjoying most aspects of the Philippines … Phil n Jess
Hi Phil R. – Good to see you enjoying life here in the Philippines. Keep up the positive attitudes. I’m really happy for you there.
Nice to see you again. Take care!
I really enjoyed reading this article from you. Now I don’t feel so alone in my feelings. It certainly does take time to adjust – we have been here 10 years and I still have my days! I appreciate your honesty and openness.
Hi SSC – Thank you so much. If you want to talk more you can email me privately too.
Have fun adjusting here. Its not easy I know but keep trying.
Good to see you here. Keep reading.
Take care!
Ms. Feyma, I’ve read your article “Still big adjustments to do!”, and I perfectly understand you but a bit surprise that after 10 long years you’re not yet adjusted in the Philippines. While I was reading your article what came to my mind is that you were born and raised in the USA, but I was surprised when i’ve learned that you came to America only in 1990 when you married Mr. Bob Martin, and returned to Philippines in 2000 to live permanently.
Since you were born and raised in the Philippines, I would say it’s inappropriate to say such thing.
I really appreciate what Bob is writing in his blog, despite of negative thoughts about Mindanao, he’s still promoting Mindanao. Mabuhay ka Bob!
Good luck and Good health to you & your family always!
Hi joh arquiza – I am born here in the Philippines. Lived in the States for 10 years.
>>>Since you were born and raised in the Philippines, I would say it’s inappropriate to say such thing.<<<
Sorry I don't sugar coat anything, living here or living in the States. Have you ever live abroad? Try to ask people that used to lived abroad of how they adjust here. Back then its hard because of no internet connection unlike now.
Before you say something please read a lot of what I wrote here.
I will say here whats my experience living here and in the States. I don't and won't make lies about it because I was asked a lot by fellow Filipinas that wanted to go to the US and Filipinas that wanted to come back here to lived.
Thank you for stopping by!
Dear Ms. Feyma,
Honestly, I started to love reading your blog I found out that you & Bob are so enthusiast of helping other people. That is great! I’m reading your & Bob’s blog nightly for a month now that’s why I came across your article. I love seeing pictures uploaded in your blogs esp. by Maij.
My first comment was just an opinion, and no intention to harm.
Yup, I’m living abroad with my family. You’re right when you go back home a big adjustment you have to encounter like pollution, traffic etc. But in our case me, & my wife could easily adjust because we use to visit our home country every summer but not our children who were all born & raised outside the Philippines.
Anyhow, I would like to have a hard copy of Bob’s book “49 ways to earn money in the Phils”. I don’t want to pay online, what’s the other way? Please advice.
Keep up the good work, with bob! Thanks!
Hej! Fema
We are planning to live in philippines and my husband is a swed and I´m a pinay, heis a pensioner and I´m not .My problem is if we buy a low cost housing,do you think we are safe to live there in davao???no hastle???????????one reason to buy a low cost is: we are always traveling if our visa is finish.We are planning to get a multiple visa having extentions every 3 months till 1 year then travel in the nieghboring country.Could you recommend us which low cost housing and which area??.I had not been in ph since I lived here in sweden almost 30 years and I´m from lanao del norte.Thank you looking forward ur advice.Thank you if u have time for me.
naty
hi feyma
living in the u.s. for 36 years out of my 43. i left philippines when my age was in single digit. if you have a hard time adjusting, i couldnt imagine for myself how i could handle it.