Live in the Philippines

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The girl of my dreams

Family / by

Some years back I met a girl.  She was special, and has never left my heart in those many years.  Even today, I cannot get her out of my mind.  She changed my life, and certainly changed it for the better.  Of course, I’m talking about my wife of 19+ years.

Today’s a special day here in the Martin household, because it’s Feyma’s birthday.  I’m not going to reveal her age, although I think it’s already known here on LiP, but, you know… it’s a respect thing – you just don’t reveal a woman’s age.  So, I won’t.

I met Feyma in Cebu City, in 1990.  She was studying at the time, nearly finished with college.  We had been corresponding with each other (snail mail… the Internet was not really available to the public yet at that time) for only about 6 months when I came to the Philippines to meet her.  I was here for only 3 weeks, and we got married while I was here.  Many people told me I was crazy, an idiot, or worse for marrying a girl that I had only just met.  Well, after 19 years, I can only say that history proved my actions right.  I was lucky, yes.  I continue to be lucky to this day.

We’ve had our ups and downs in the past 19+ years.  What couple has not experienced ups and downs in the course of a marriage?  None.  But, the ups are way bigger than the downs ever were.  Feyma does everything she can to make me feel special.  I do things for her too, but to be honest, I am far more often on the receiving end than the giving end of that.  I feel guilty sometimes for that too.  But, I hope Feyma knows how much I love her.  I always will too.  Sometimes, if we are having an argument over something, even as tough as I might try to make myself sound to her, inside I think to myself – “what would I do if I didn’t have her?”

So, today, I will be doing what I can to make Feyma’s day special.  She deserves it, after all.  I’ll take her out for lunch, just the two of us.  My only problem is that whenever I take her out for a meal, I never can get her to choose the place!  She always says, “you decide,” even though I want it to be special for her.  But, that is her nature, I suppose.

Feyma is not the same girl I married those many years ago, though.  She is very complex.  Back in 1990, she was that typical quiet, shy Filipina that we have all met here.  Then she spent 10 years in the States, and that changed her a lot.  She is much more assertive now, much more confident.  She is now Feyma 2.0.  I’m OK with that, though.  Yes, she has changed a lot, but I love Feyma 2.0 as much as I loved Feyma 1.0.

As I think about it, maybe I’m wrong.  She is probably Feyma 3.0, I guess.  Feyma 1.0 was that Feyma that I met in Cebu in 1990, and fell in love with.  Feyma 2.0 was the woman that she grew into after living in the States.  The new Feyma 3.0 is the Feyma that came to be after returning to the Philippines.  It took her a long time to adjust back to life in the Philippines.  She didn’t revert back to Feyma 1.0 either.  How could she?  No, she took the best from Feyma 1.0 and Feyma 2.0 and combined it into the best version yet, Feyma 3.0 that we all know today.

A lot of foreign men will say that you should never bring your lady to live in the West, it will change her, take away the special part of her culture, or whatever.  I find that if Feyma had not lived in the States for 10 years, she would not have the understanding of me that she possesses.  Now, Feyma is not a Filipina, nor an American, she is a combination of the two.  I suppose I have also become a combination of the two after nearly a decade of living in the Philippines.  I suppose that we have somewhat grown together through our life in my culture and hers.  I like that.  It works well for both of us.

Happy Birthday to my sweetheart.  I hope we can celebrate many more birthdays together!  I love you very much.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  7. Hey Bob.
    Your not just a lucky man, you're a smart man to know what a treasure you have.
    Happy Bithtday Feyma. God Bless.

  11. Bob, I am sure you know that good women, like a good bottle of wine, get better with age. I am not saying this to score brownie points, but for a mother who has given you 4 good looking kids, and a wife of almost 20 years, Feyma is one heckuva good looking Filipina. Perfect white teeth, pretty smile, olive complexion, almond eyes, high cheekbones…

    From across the sea, I wish Feyma a very happy birthday! 🙂

  12. Hi Bob – All I can say is watch out for version 4.1. It's much more complex with hourly paradigm shifts, temperature and humidity fluxuations, and other "surprises" (both good and great).

    Feyma, I know you're peeking – Happiest of Happy Birthdays for "Up North"! You can't be much more than a decade younger than baket ko (asawa ko) my wife Emy, so I'll guesstimate your age and welcome you into your post-teenage years! 😉

  18. Happy Birthday, Feyma! I'm glad to see that whirwind romances does indeed work.

    This maybe a question for another post or for the forum but here goes: which is best, to marry in the Philippines and wait for the paperwork to catch up until my fiancee' can join me in the states or to apply for a fiancee' visa, get married within 90 days and have a filipino wedding there in the future?

  19. Hi Ed – Everybody has their own opinion, so no one answer can be gospel. But, in my opinion, it is best to marry here in the Philippines. You are taking the girl away from her family and culture. At least give her and her family the chance to witness the wedding, participate and give the girl a send off that the family will remember forever. It's a matter of respect for the family. That's my opinion.

  20. maligayang bati sa iyong feyma may god bless you with many,many more you are a lucky man bob god bless and your family with many,many years together.

  21. Happy Birthday Feyma and congratulations Bob…I wish I had started many years ago like you did…I'm just starting with special girl too. Actually, we won't get married until January. But it sounds like the path the both of you followed worked out well. Best wishes to you both.

  24. I hear the vatican is thinking of making her a Saint Bob…19+ with you evidentally qualifys for that !! LOL Seriously , have a wonderful time out tonite with your wonderful wife !

  25. Happy Birthday Inday Feyma…. May all your wish come through whatever your heart desire… Congratulation pud sa inyo 19+yrs of marriage… We are going to celebrate our 18yrs of marriage soon; you & bob are just 1 yr ahead of us….

    May the goodness & mercy of God follow you all the day of your life….

  26. Hi Bob,
    Long time no speak… Many happy returns to Feyma and I hope you share many more to come:)

  27. Understand your thoughts entirely, my Femas birthday is this Wednesday and we are going to do the same as you. You wrote a beautiful article for your loved one, Have a great day!

  29. Hi Bob,
    You are very lucky. I'm so glad to see people speak so highly for their wives. Tell Feyma Happy Birthday even though both of you don't know me. You are a real good guy.
    Ephesians Ch. 5, verse 25-Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church to make it belong to God.
    I wish I could see more men speak and praise their wives like you do.

    God Bless both of you,
    Dale

  30. Hi Bob;
    Ok you got me on this one. Your wife is doing the Dear Abby thing; and I thought you were going with the National Inquirer Exposé. Wow scandal in Mindanao. So I rush to open your article, seeking the underside of life. What do I find? A man who is deeply in love with his wife and is proud of that fact. It caused me to seek out my wife and thank her for being a part of my life, the best part.! Happy Birthday to your Bride, and thanks for the inspiration, enjoy the day.

  31. Happy Birthday Feyma! You are a lucky man Bob. She is a lady and a saint. Great story. I liked Feyma's You Tube birthday wish for you Bob. You two are "two peas in a pod."

  32. That is great–I am very Happy for you two.

    I hope some day the lady I'm in an LDR with and me can share times and one day fondly reminisce (spelling?) about the past — I look forward to it.

  34. Hi Bob – Did someone say, "Vista"? No, nothing like that. 😉

    Version 4.1 is more like a chocolate milk shake "charged" with Kahlua and savoured until 4.2 comes along. Oh, the things that can be done with milk shakes! 😆

  37. Happy birthday Feyma from the Fealeys.
    Side issue Sir Bob i amjust back from Butuan were i was very well looked after by Martin a gentleman of note who owns a top class coffee shoppe really first class.

  43. Hi Everyone – A really big thank to all of you who took some time in greeting me. I am so touch with all of you guys message. I really treasure you guys friendship and care.

    Again to all THANK YOU SO MUCH and GOD BLESS!

  44. Hi Hon – Thank you so much for the nice write up. I didn't expect it. To be honest you are part of the Feyma 3.1 that I accomplished. Watch out for the Feyma 4.1. It will come out soon. 🙂

    I really love you so much. You really a great husband and a great Dad. You really made sure you had time for me and the kids. Even just a simple popcorn party with the kids in our bedroom and watch kids movies. It's priceless.

    We love you so much. The kids adores you. Thank you again for everything. I love you Babe.

  45. Happy Birthday Feyma;
    I sounds as if Bob is really in love with you. Best wishes for many more.

  47. I was wondering: is this Bob 1.0, 2.0, or ?.0 ??? Surely you have changed more than a bit over the years with all the adjustment you've had to do.

  49. Hi Feyma!

    Happy Birthday to you and may you have many more birthdays to share with Bob and the kids!!

    Jon

  52. Kumusta ka, JonB? Kasabot ka na ba ug bisaya? Ha ha… Always nice to hear from you, Jon. I hope your wife and kids are doing well! And you too, of course. Any plans for a Davao visit anytime soon?

  53. Hi Bob – First of all sorry for the late response and a very happy birthday to you Femya and Marilou and I trust that he took you somewher nice to celebtate.
    Best wishes.
    Jim & Marilou.

  54. Wow…what an article. Soo sweet and appropriate. After meeting you both, I agree with everything you wrote about her.

    Feyma, Happy Birthday! Let us know how your birthday date went in your next article!

  55. wonderful article Bob, and as others have said, how nice to see a man who appreciates the person who he has been blessed with. I pray I will always remember how lucky I am to have been blessed with my dear wife as well.

    For those who may not have had the chance, I've been lucky enough to meet Feyma and I can say, frankly, from what I have seen, every word you say is true, and more. Happy birthday to a wonderful person, Feyma, and many, many more.

    You know I am glad you explained so well regarding your time in the States together too, Bob. I know of so many guys who subscribe to that "don't bring her to the States" … Mita and I thought seriously about me coming here to the Philippines and staying here when we decided to get married … she had a nice job and had no real interest in moving … and that was before the Dual Citizen act and Mita did not want to give up here Philippine citizenship. I know we could have made it work.

    But I am so glad we decided to take the US route, becuase enriched our lives in many ways and we both grew together, probably much more than had we stayed here in the Philippines only. Everyone, of course, has to make their own decisions, but fellows, if you have the opportunity, take it, don't let your whole life together turn on someone else's bar room logic. It's been very fulfilling for us both.

  56. Hi Jim – Feyma and I went out for lunch at De Bonte Ko, the same place where we all went together for dinner a year or two ago. It was a nice lunch, and we enjoyed each other's company.

  58. Hi Dave – Thanks for your nice comments. It seems that a lot of people enjoyed my article, and I am happy about that. I didn't realize how good of an article it was until people started leaving some very nice comments!

    I really do believe that having lived both in the States and here as a couple made us closer, better able to understand each other, etc. I think it was (and still is) and important part of our life together.

  59. Happy Birthday Feyma on your special day. Thank you for sharing your feelings of your pinangga ko. I hope I am as blessed as you with my future life with Juramie.

    I hope you post a future article with pictures about the celebration. I am with Juramie on her birthday (December 2) and we are having a big party at a resort below Ormoc. Reading the "SIR" articles really helped me with planning the party. There is alot of anticaption for the party in Tagbubunga. Juramie first birthday party was last year so this celebration will make up for all of the missed years.

  62. Hi Bob,

    You're one lucky man for sticking only on one system and has been upgrading for the better constantly, others has been changing systems but found it not as stable as they thought even if upgraded.

    Wait…you're not talking about computers right?

    Sorry, happy birthday Feyma. 😀

  63. Happy Birthday Feyma! Bob, I like your description that both you and Feyma are combination of both American-Filipino cultures and from your experiences in both countries. The numbers of growth, Feyma 1, 2 and 3 may be also applied to you Bob, Bob 1, 2 and 3 and as you grow older there will be a Feyma 4 and Bob 4 etc…. I called this the stages of Life and Growth. Your article reminds me of Macrine's and my own stages of Life and Growth starting in the Philippines (25 years), then here in US ( almost 50 years) and now back in the Philippines.
    Congratulations, again to both Feyma and You! To Feyma here is a toast, "Good Health, Money and Love!" or as in Spanish," Salud. Peseta y Amor!" What is the translation in Bisaya?

  69. Hi Rey – Yes, I've been using the same system for almost 20 years already. When you find the right one that fits your needs, you can do it with only a few Operating System upgrades, but keeping the main system! 😉

  74. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FEYMA!

    My husband and I wish you all the very best in the coming years. Bob you are, indeed, a very lucky man to have such a wonderful wife.

    You are in my prayers today.

  76. Happy Birthday Feyma!!

    Hi Bob,

    I think it is a misconception that Filipinas/Filipinos will lost her culture or call it "Filipino-ness". We just grow and acquire some eye opening knowledge. Living in an island, your perspective is the island or "Island Mentality" but once you set foot to the Continental U.S.A you will gain the "Continental Mentality" which broaden your horizon and see the world. We are lucky to learn and see both!

    Kudos to you for letting Feyma grow spiritually and personally and acceptting Feyma whatever version she is.

    Kyrie Eleison!!

    Toting

    P.S. Just because in Filipino culture that women has to pamper their husband doesn't mean Filipina women have blind obedience, they have bags of tricks!! This is a surprise to foreigner when they marry a pinay. When a society is patriachal like the Philippines, women find ways to get even!

    ditto

  77. Belated Happy Birthday to Feyma!

    Better late than never, right?

    You are so right re: Filipinas that lived in the states, it did (and still does for me) helps us grow – for the better and fast too.

    You guys are lucky to have each other.

  79. Happy Belated Birthday Feyma!

    I hope that Bob was not kuripot and made you eat at Jollibees for your special day. ha ha!

    Hi Bob!

    Nice story. I am working on getting a good internet connection in the province so I only get to check out your site once in a while. I have noticed some additions and subtractions with your writers. I hope to meet you when we go to Davao.

  80. Hello again, Bob!

    I was quite teary-eyed after reading this one. I am simply happy for both of you and Feyma! And belated Happy Birthday to Feyma, too!

  82. Hi Bob,
    As you know, you are not the only lucky one. Your Dad and I fell in love with Feyma the minute we met her. We have always felt like we got a daughter not a daughter-in-law. I so wish that your dad was still alive, so he could know his beautiful, wonderful grandchildren. Dad and I felt that Feyma was the perfect wife for you and we were right. I so wish that he was here to see what a wonderful wife and mother Feyma has been. Feyma, I talked to you on your birthday but I just want to say that I love you with all my heart.

    Love and Hugs,
    Mom