For a married man, one of the hardest things about living in the Philippines is that there are too many beautiful women here, and honstly, you will find that they will chase after you. Coming from the States where a middle aged, overweight guy gets little attention from the fairer sex, and living in a place where a foreign man of any age or description is treated almost like a rock star or a professional basketball player can be quite hard to deal with, believe me.
Over the years I have lived here, I have had to deal with this many, many times. In the beginning it presented great difficulty to me. In recent years, I have found that it has become easier to deal with. Perhaps it’s easier to deal with now due to experience, I can’t say for sure why. From time to time, I have had foreign friends visit me here, and if they are single and interested in meeting ladies, I just tell them to go to the mall alone, sit down in the food court, at a restaurant, or in one of the benches in the mall and within a few minutes they will be approached. It’s that easy.
I have found in the past that I have to be careful about who I give my cell phone number to, because if that person spreads it to others, I will often end up with girls texting me or even calling me, wanting to get together or meet up. Even if you tell these kind of girls that you are married, the response will be “It’s OK with me.” Some women here are very bold and will even come right out and ask you if they can “have a baby with you.” They say that they want a baby with fair skin, and I am sure they do, since that is revered here. But what else do they want? I have no doubt that having a baby with somebody here will also lead to requests for child support and all sorts of other financial requests. Don’t take me wrong, though…. if you make a baby, I do believe that it is your responsibility to support the kid financially. I just feel that the woman would be looking for financial support beyond what the kid needs.
What about blackmail? I am sure some women will hook up with you and do all sorts of things, but in the end will be looking for a payoff. You won’t pay? What if they contact your wife?
Imagine how it feels to go from a place where you are not desirable to a place where a lot of women are trying to lure you. It is not easy, and it can be very hard on a marriage. Even if you don’t act on the invitations, how would your wife feel about it? I know that it was something that Feyma had a hard time dealing with, but she overcame her feelings in the long run. How about for the man? Can you avoid the temptation? If you love your wife and don’t want to hurt her, you either need to have a very strong will or decide that moving to the Philippines is not the right thing for you.
The funny thing about all this is that the traditional Filipina is not a home wrecker or a loose woman that is chasing men at the malls. It would be my belief that the girls that act like this do so more out of poverty than any other reason. That doesn’t make it easier to avoid, but at least it’s a reason that can be understood. And, remember, not all women (or even a majority) are acting like this. I would guess that it is only a small percentage of women who do this, but it still is hard for a man to deal with! If you are sitting in the mall having a cup of coffee, it only takes on woman to approach you and make you an offer before you could possibly give in and do something that you might regret later.
How about you, could you avoid the temptations that are presented to you? It’s not an easy thing to do. Given this, could you still live in the Philippines?
Hi Paul – At least you have spelled out who “The Boss” is in your house! 😆 Just kidding.
Hi Kevin K – I don’t spend much time in Manila. If it were me, I’d choose a location that is near to where I will be doing business. Maybe somebody else can chime in with some advice. I know that Dave Starr lives in the Manila area, he might pop in with some suggestions for you.
Bob Marlou just read this and said were not moving back to the Philippines. 🙁 I told her that she has nothing to worry about. I also reminded her that Bob always buys lunch and she said "OK" . Ron
Hi Ron LaFleur – I knew there would be some of this type of reaction to this post, and I am sorry for that. I feel that the longer that you and Marlou are together and she becomes more secure with you, she may reevaluate her feelings. I know that this subject has caused tension between Feyma and I a few times over the years. But, I mean, I am sitting there with her and some woman sends me a text message – a woman I don't know and have never met – what can I do? I understand her feelings, and I would probably feel the same (or worse) if it happened in reverse. But, as time goes by, and trust grows, the issue settles down and becomes a non-issue.
Good luck to you and Marlou, Ron!
You are so right Bob. I'm in my mid 40's and I've been treated the same way when I was there and believe me, I'm no Brad Pitt. I've talked with my wife alot and she does want to eventually retire there but she wants to when we are in our mid 60's and she won't say it but I believe one of the reasons is just what you stated above and she probably thinks it will be less of a problem when we are older. Your right it is a huge ego boost but you do have to be careful of what you do or what you say. Especially when it seems that gossip travels faster in PI by word of mouth than by the phone line. And it seems that they have eyes everywhere (sounds like a spy novel doesn't it.) But it is nice to get the Star treatment.
Hi Ed – From my experience, knowing friends in their 60s, 70s and even 80s, they still get a lot of "attention" from women here. You are right, getting the star treatment is so flattering, although after a few years it wears off and becomes more of a hassle than anything else. It doesn't take long to realize that it isn't your great body that they are after! 😉
Bob,
Yes there are a lot of beautiful woman here and I look and admire them as a type of art, not a sex toy. I told Elena I am hers, but I am not blind.
Last Christmas Elena told me about all the girls flirting at me in the mall. I never noticed.
I think this is because I have never cheated on even a girlfriend so cheating is not part of my personality.
I think a man who will cheat will cheat in their home country as easily as here in the Philippines. It is in their nature.
I also think it is the older men, as we all have seen, in their 50's to 70's with a girl 18 to mid 20's that give forigners a bad name. I know a lot of the girls are looking for a way to support their children or familys, but I cannot understand how a man would want a wife that is younger than their our grown kids.
Elena has nothing to worry from me as I know Feyma has nothing to worry about from you.
Hi Bruce – I agree with most of what you say. I will certainly agree that I belong to Feyma, but like you am not blind! There is plenty of beautiful scenery to enjoy in the local malls and such. 😉
Be careful, though about the "older" men in their 50's to 70's having wifes in their 20's. A lot of our readers are like that, and last time this subject came up, it was a major war that broke out!
On that issue, I personally feel that each person has their own desire and they are free to act on it. If a 70 year old man finds a 22 year old lady that makes him happy, and she also is happy with the man – more power to them! For me, age is not the issue, it comes down to whether these two people are happy with each other and give each other joy. Nothing wrong with it if they both agree!
Bob,
I appologize to anyone I might of offended. It is just me.
Age was not as much an issue as experience, responsibility and maturity was what I was looking for, and found.
Hi Bruce – For me, it is no offense. Everybody has their own opinions. You can bet, though, that you will get follow up comments! 😉
Good Day every one:
To me it is a matter of personal conduct. Which means more to you? Instant gratification, or honoring the love and commitment that you have pledged to you wife? It is a no brainier to me. My wife means more!!!!!!! When I had my landscape company I had more than just a couple of opportunities. I chose my vows. Was it easy? Hell no!! Some of them were stunningly beautiful, sexy and very alluring, that was with my American wife and those women were quite aggressive compared to Filipinas. My love for my wife continues to grow. I do not think I could live with myself if I betrayed her.
I am a man, there for I am a dog, I read the menu, I just chose not to eat anyplace other than at home with my wifes cooking. YYYYYEEEEHHHHHAAAAAA Yes Sir. 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉
Hi Wayne – I understand your thinking, and it is good to have the attitude that you have. It is not always as easy as following who you are, though. Sometimes temptation can come into play, though. Keep strong!
This is a good topic. There are times I feel like throwing my cell phone away. Girls text men at random … looking for "chat friends". it's something men of all ages have to think through … I'm in my 60's and certainly no great catch. Many people try to gloss over these sorts of issues and seem to confuse honesty with negativity … but it is a fact of life.
One piggyback on Bruce's rather blunt statement (which I don't want to start a war over … my wife is only 18 years gouger than me, so I don't know if that meets his "standard of decency" or not … he's entitled to his "standard" just as I am to mine. The issue (if it is an issue) of much younger women and much older men is an Asian rather than a Philippine thing. I've lived in Asia many years … and when I traveled exstensively in China as a single man in my late 50's I would be approached many times by much younger owmen. This is not at all the "gold-digger" sort of issue that so many like to brand it … in many cases these girls have no intention whatever of marrying … especially to a foreigner … unlike the Philippines there is a big negative stigma to many Chinese regarding mixed-race marriages. These were girls looking for foreigner freindship, looking for dating partners (with or without physical relationship), and looking to practice their English or learn for themselves if all Americans carry guns or do drugs or talk like Homer Simpson (the Simpson's is one of the only US TV programs shown on the national Chinese Education TV network piped into schools … it's very short-sighted to see a mixed couple and form snap opinions … each couple has their own story.
One of the reasons I chose not to live in the US is the downright nastiness shown to seniors .. since I now "are one". In most Asian countreis I am accepted for who I am and how I act, not pigeonholed by my age as I so often am in the US.
Hi Dave Starr – Yes, you are right, girls (or young women) do text men at random looking for a partner for texting, which often leads to other things as well.
Interesting about the Simpson's being on Chinese TV. It surprises me, because while it is a cartoon, it can be quite political too!
Hi Bob:
Hi Bob:
Yes temptations does come into play. For me that is where my faith often helps. But mostly my love for Jo makes it an easier choice. Besides she is a good cook.
So Bruce, my wife is 20yrs younger than me. Do I give foreigners a bad name? Watch your step here you do not know the particulars…….
Hi Wayne – It is good that you are able to remain strong you faith – faith to Jo and to the Lord. Jo being a good cook probably does make it easier! 😉
I think that Bruce didn't realize the can of worms that he was opening! I don't think he meant malice, though.
Hmmm, the fireworks have started. Interesting…
Distinguished men of the forum, don't get mad, get even!!!
So what is this with age, anyway? Nor with the age difference??
Be like the wine, "fully aged, truly great"… this should be the standard reply.
Hi Angie – Cook up some popcorn or some kind of pulutan, grab a beer or a glass of wine, pull up your favorite comfortable chair, and enjoy the show! It should get good. 😆
I'm two months and six days younger than my lovely asawa, but look a hundred years older! 😛
Yes, have a young lady flirt certainly happens, or so Emy says. I don't bother to look or test the waters – learned a lot of things in 30 years! Biggest lesson happened at a Manila mall. A young flirt was very surprised when Emy went up to her and started to argue loudly that if she wanted me, she could have me and all the bad baggage than comes with me. I was shocked. The flirt was shocked. No other attention was paid to me for the rest of the time we were there. Emy did have a huge grin on her face for the rest of the day, though! 😀
Of course, the katolong we'll hire will be old and slightly prettier than dirt, or so The Boss says! 😆
Bob,
When I go to the Philippines (Manila) for business I usually stay in Ermita because the hotels are so much cheaper than in Makati, but still have all the necessary means of transportation, etc. readily available. The problem for me is that this area is where most European, Korean, Australian and other foreign guys stay. Sometimes it is a major decision for me to leave my hotel room in the evening just to walk a couple blocks to the 7-11 to get a coke. In just the space of two blocks I will get approached by at least 3 or 4 women – both going to and coming back! It is always amazing to me, that even when I hold up my hand to show my wedding ring, they don't back down. I always see the European guys and young Americans looking like they've gotten off the plane and ended up in heaven surrounded by "exotic" beauties. As a mestizo from Guam, the girls in the Philippines just look like my cousins and everyone else back in Guam, so Filipinas don't look exotic in the slightest to mel, but it is a bit flattering to get so much attention. I've considered staying in parts of Manila that don't get foreigners, because I don't think the typical Filipina is like the ones on the prowl in Ermita or other areas frequented by foreigners, but those areas don't have the conveniences of transportation, money changers, etc. Do you or anyone have any suggestions as to better locations to stay for business in Manila?
Hi Bob
. I go home to Philippines every 4 month for about 2 weeks at a time, but I have never received any inviting texts.
I feel left out now
Maybe I'm just lucky, I dont think my wife would be very pleased if texts from other ladies started coming in. Anyway where we live is a small place so I guess everyone knows each other and most people are related anyway.
I am 57 and my wife is 1 month younger than me, how come she never complained I was too young for her. 🙂 (just joking)
Anyway whatever the age gap, I'm with you, hapiness makes the world go round, and if there's 20-30-40 or more yrs difference between husband and wife and it dosn't mattere which side is older, who cares, it's their business and the best of Irish luck to them.
Hi Jack – don't feel left out. The texts and other such invitations tend to come more to longer term residents than somebody who is just here for a short visit. It takes time for your cell number to filter around to a lot of people after all! 😆
The Shalom Center Guesthouse in Malate is reasonable, close to a good mall and pretty much anything you need, and not in the situation you have described. It is at 1660 Luis Ma. Guerrero St. Phone # 524-8422/26/30/36.
Bob I am sorry. Marlou and I are fine and in a way I was teasing=having some fun. I know she is jealous but its a non-issue for us. Were in love, happy and our future is only one of happiness regardless of where we live. Ron
When I am in the Philippines, and in my wifes province I dont have trouble with flirting girls, but once when in Manila I ventured down the street alone and I had men follow me and offer to take me to girls. To deter them I told them I was married but I was suprised by the reply," Ahhh you want viagra?" (by the way I'm only in my mid forties) Most of my friends get a good chuckle from this story.
Dave,
I am sorry if I was misunderstood. For a filipina wife and foriginer, 20 years or so is fine, Let me explain. On my trip here, I met a man who lives in Singapore and must have been in his 70's, as we talked I showed him Elenas Photo. HE showed me his "Girlfriend", she is 22. When I asked if he was planning to marry her, he said no. A 40 to 50 year difference is what I meant.
Hey Bruce,
**I also think it is the older men, as we all have seen, in their 50’s to 70’s with a girl 18 to mid 20’s that give forigners a bad name.**
Don't you enjoy making out with younger women? I know I do! so what. Look out for me in the malls with my companion on my arm, I will give you a wave !!
Scott
Bruce – Where were you when I inagurated the war about age difference? I could have used the back up? 😆
Bob – I know your point of view, It's harder for me because no matter how tan the rest of me gets, my face stays white (or near enough) I'm also 33 so younger than the average expat over here. My wife has found a clever way to solve the issue… I never go anywhere without her lol. But seriously, I just don't see the attraction of cheating. Pardon my bluntness but my wife gives me more sex than even I want, I certainly wouldn't have the energy to take on a mistress. Also there is so much that can go wrong in cheating… not least of which is if the woman cries "rape". I hear tell that Philippine prisons are no laughing matter. In the end it boils down to the fact that I love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her. Any man that cheats is no man at all.
Anthony – You ever been to Cebu? Outside of Robinson's Mall they have one stop shopping with vendors that will sell you Viagra and Rollex Watches. Presumably the watch is to see how much time you have left before the Viagra wears off.
Hi Ron LaFleur – No need to be sorry! I'm glad that this is not a problem in your relationship!
Hi Anthony Haire – So, you didn't tell us… did you buy the Viagra? 😆
Hi Bruce – Expect more replies! Saying that you have a problem with 40 and 50 year age gaps will still get some of our readers upset! If the man and woman both enjoy each other, and are happy with the relationship, regardless of the age gap, why should it bother you?
Hi Scott – I'll give you a wave! Remember, I am not anti your relationship, so wave back, OK? 😆
Hi Louis – LIke you, I don't tan, if I get out in the sun I burn. So, my face is either white or red! I don't think that being younger means that most women will chase you more. These women are not mostly looking for good looks, they are looking for money. And, they know that older men have more cash in most cases. Just my observation.
Well from another point of view, I am single so don't have a wife to get mad at me. Yes each time I've been in the Phils some attention does come my way but it's usually good time girls (or boys !!). Being single doesn't make it easier because you never really know their intentions, I guess it's probably the money thing so I just keep my distance at all times.
I've never had the text thing yet but as said previously I've only visited for 3/4 weeks each time, this time may be different as I spend 7 months there from September.
So… it's mostly men talking. Is it just my imagination that there is a lopsided proportion of interracial relationships/marriages? Is it usually Filipino women getting hitched to non-Filipinos?
Are there any non-Filipino women (in this forum) married to or are in a relation with Filipino men? Where is that voice? I'd like to hear that perspective also.
Hi Angie – I would also like to hear that side of the discussion. I do feel that the vast majority of such marriages are foreign men marrying Filipina women.
Bob If you could see my beautiful wife You would understand why I have no need for viagra. My coment on age difference is , if all parties are happy, go for it (but maybee cautiously) We are the lucky ones being married to Philippinos. Best wishes to all.
Hi Angie I have a Philippino sister in law who is married to an older Philo/Chinese man but would like to hear comment from non Philo woman married to Philo man
I've just had a few drinks, my wife is deep frying chicken, the rice cooker is steaming away, and we are pic pic some dried squid {sarap} life is good…. am I rambling? he he
Hi Anthony Haire – Sounds like you are living well! 😆
Hi Bob:
Do not forget to read between the lines, I mean the things that she cooks.:wink:
Hi Wayne – No comment on that one!
Hi Bob:
You know what really bothers me about the age thing. Is I worry about her after I'm gone. I know that we will have to plan for that. Frankly no matter how well we prepare for that, that is the one thing that scares the hell out of me. In addition to that we want to have a family and it also concerncerns me about the child/ren until they come of age. I'm only 51 but being a diabetic, well you know what I mean.
As far as the cooking thing goes. This topic is basically about sex. It is very important for a marriage for it to be fulfilling. So what I am saying that since I am very satisfied there I have no desire to really stray. Never mind the fact that it is just plain wrong for all of the reasons that I mentioned before, and many more that I haven't thought of yet.
Although.
I am a man, there for I am a dog, I read the menu, I just chose not to eat anyplace other than at home with my wifes cooking. She is a great cook.
Hi Wayne – Like you, passing away ahead of my wife is a concern that I think about regularly. I am only 7 years older than Feyma, but with my diabetes to worry about, and the fact that I am overweight, that is something that I worry about. I am trying my best to improve my health, and I am experiencing successes on that front, but it is still a concern. However, the thing to really keep in mind is that (in my opinion and faith) our time is something that is not fully controlled by us. It is something that our Creator controls, and we don't know what will happen. Feyma may die ahead of me, I never know if that would be the case. My hope and prayer is that we will continue to share a long life together. I also wish the same for you and Jo.
Hi American Lola,
Thanks for the info about the Shalom Center Guesthouse in Malate.
Ok everyone, I am sorry for stating my opinion here, as the old saying, Opinions are like (you know) everyone has one.
I enjoyed all the points of view and appologize for anyone I offended. It is just my point of view and I stated it. No harm no foul.
Hi Bob
This has provoked a lot of interest! Maybe you are a lot better looking than me or maybe I just never noticed what was going on around me, but I don`t think I was ever approached in Davao by ladies wanting relationships or babies! A nice smile is about the most I ever encountered. Anyway, I have always considered my wife to be the best looking girl around, so maybe I just never noticed! Look forward to meeting you Bob in December
Regards
Malcolm
Bruce:
Don't worry about it. We've all stepped in it once or twice anyway. Why should you be any different. Everybody gets over it anyway.
I know of four American women married to Filipinos here in CDO, and I recenlty heard about another. None of them read this blog, as far as I know. In two situations the women are older than their husbands, in three situations (if I count one in Manila) the women were Americans who had grown up in the Philippines and married someone from a family her family was close to. Another couple I know met when an Australian young lady came to visit her father and his Filipina wife, and she met a guy and they were married. They now live in the Sydney area. Living with his family in the Philippines was a nightmare for her. I will also say that at least two of the Filipino husbands have not been faithful to their wives. And that's all I can give on that topic, Angie! I cannot apeak from experience, only from aquaintance.
First I want to say I think Dave Starr added a good reason to leave the USA and move to the RP that I had not considered while posting a comment to another of Bob's articles — senior citizens are definitely treated better in the Philippines (and probably all of asia) than back in the USA. This is a VERY good reason to move to the Philippines for retirement. As a teacher I was amazed at how the children would take my hand and bow to touch the back of my hand on their forehead. Mahdy told me this is because I'm a teacher, but a sign fo respect given to the elders, too. I tell my students about this and they laugh (but one student has turned it into a game and will do it whenever we meet in the hallway, which always gets a strange reaction from the other passing students.)
As for the pretty girls that will approach in public places. I worry about this a little bit already and Bob's article makes me more concerned…and some guys I know here who are married to filipinas have told me to be ready. Back here in the USA I am not considered undesirable. I have a strong resemblance to Anthony Edwards (used to play Dr. Greene on the TV show "ER"). While in one of the malls in Davao we ran into some of Mahdy's friends who after a few bisaya pleasantries to Mahdy looked at me and simultaneously said something in bisaya and "Dr. Green!" Oh…and then there was the time the gay guys on the up escalator were checking me out while we were on the adjacent down escalator. Mahdy noticed it too and laughed and told me I'd be getting attention from both sexes! PS: Mahdy has done her best to fatten me up over five years:grin:
I'm not in the same boat as you guys here. I notice that the age gap is such a hot topic ( and I agree it shouldn't be. A fruitful relationship is all that matters).
I wonder about the Filipina wives. Do they feel the pressure of having their relationship judged (that it is for money and not for love)?
They shouldn't — but it can be distressful when walking in a mall with a loved one and receiving some looks on a daily basis, for example (more so if the age gap is wider). Would it make a Filipina think twice to settle back home when her countrymen are known for carelessing throwing out tactless comments ( You're so lucky you married a dollar earner….You got a "kano/foreigner", lucky you. now you'll be rich). I'm only asking because I would be quite upset if my wife is perceived wrongly by her own community. It is a "macho" culture too, unfortunately, and if it were a Filipino male and a foreign female, it would not be an issue.
Everyone's situation is different of course. But considering the topic, I decided to switch things for another perspective. I am just considering the wife's perpective.
FYI: I'm a Filipino with a mixed heritage married to a Filipina, so this doesn't apply to me. This is just a question that I decided to throw out there for curiosity's sake. I'm a curious cat, so no stones please.
Hi Bob,
I know I won't have a problem in this regard. I know that I have a good-looking husband and it hasn't been a problem here in the States nor will it be a problem there. Re the Filipinas, one look at me and they know better than to mess with me! 😆
What if the husbands wear a T-shirt with huge prints saying:
My Fil wife is a dober(wo)man. KEEP OUT!:lol:
Thankfully, my husband was mostly approached by people in our neighborhood whose intention was to sell their house and he doesn't have a cellphone either !
Indeed, Mahdy and I know of a filipina in her mid twenties who married a guy in his late 60s who had terminal cancer. He died 6 months after she arrived in the USA. She waited a few months before looking for another man. She had 30-something male neighbors who wanted to date her. One was a teacher, the other a police officer. She wasn't interested and we (a collection of fil/am couples) all thought they were great guys. She wanted an older man, much older. She'd inherited a good nest egg from her first husband and was looking for round two. Finally, the INS got on her case for not completing the "adjustment of status" and gave her a time limit to get out of the country. So she hooked up with the next guy she was introduced to (via internet) and had an "anchor baby". She treats the guy like dirt and won't marry him without a prenup (to shelter her assets) and complained "he's not even rich." I feel so lucky I met Mahdy by strange coincidence…because I was VERY naive about the motives of some filipinas.
Hi Bruce – I think that we are all entitled to our own opinion. The thing to keep in mind is that many of the people who frequent this site are involved in the type of relationship that you are kind of putting down on. Think about how you would feel if somebody posted something that really described your relationship with Elena, and they said that it gave all Americans a bad name. I suspect that you would be angry, and hurt by the comment. That is how the other people feel. It's good to consider that before deciding what to write.
I am not trying to upset you, or say anything bad, but rather just trying to show you how it would make others feel. You are my friend, and I also feel that your opinion is as valuable as anybody else's opinion on the site.
Hi Malcolm – I doubt that I'm any better looking than you are! Can't really say why our experiences have been different, but I have no doubt what I have seen and experienced first hand. Most ex-pats that I know have told me of similar experiences that they have had as well.
Hi AmericanLola – Do you think any of your friends would be interested in joining in on the site? Not this discussion if that would make them uncomfortable, but in the site in general.
Hi Jon – So far I haven't been approached by any gay guys. Who knows what's next, though! 😆
Hi Macky – For me the age gap thing is a non-issue. It is totally the decision of the two people in the relationship. Kind of like what you said.
Hi Tina – Yeah, Ken is a good guy! If he gets out of line send him up to Buda and let Father Franco give him a lecture in Italian! That should straighten him out!
Hi Jul – Ha ha.. maybe you can make a fortune selling those shirts.
Hi Jon – I agree with what you are saying, but one thing you said strikes me though. When you said "motives of some Filipinas." I am happy that you said "some" but I also think it's important to remember that this motive is a worldwide thing, not just Filipinas! 🙂
As a coffee addict…I often sit at the coffee circle at Ayalla mall Cebu…its always fun to watch the "girls' making overtures to the American guys going by. Its even more fun watching the guys flirting back and approaching the ' girls'…usually with one or two of em leaving with him…myself chuckling ..for I do not wish to ruin a good time…but if he only knew what I knew..and that is …it was not a girl he left with !!!
😳
Hi Brian – Ha ha… now, that is a classic! 😯
😆 I'll remember that, Bob! 😆 Maybe Fr. Franco will also let him walk up to the cross 10 times. 😆
Brian…the "lady-boys" story is funny. We know a guy who had a friend fall for one of them in a bar until he was told "that's a guy."
Bob…I chose my words carefully ("some") not only to avoid offending, but because I really believe the actions of an active few (still a lot girls, but you get the idea) can give the false impression of "many". And of course, marrying for money happens everywhere.
Hi Tina – Ha ha… Ken will be walking all day long! You, Feyma and I will be enjoying some herbal concoctions with Father!
Hi Jon – Exactly!
Hi Angie and Bob,
How about some opinions from filipino men who marry a filipino women in the Philippines?
I am a US citizen/former US Marine filipino man who turned 40 yrs old and I am married to my beautiful filipina asawa who is 10 yrs younger than me. I was born in Davao and lived in Samal but left when I was 7 yrs old and have live in the US ever since. I have family still living in Davao and Samal and I have property in Davao and Samal Island and often visit at least once a year. Davao is where I met my asawa.
I've read everyone opinion about age differences and how filipina girl chase foreigner in the Philippines. Yes, I've seen this in the Davao, Cebu, and Manila malls that I've visited. At first it was a little disturbing to me that young filipina women would be with an older man (20 or more years older). But my asawa reminds me that it's very common to see these types of relationships.
When I think of all of the countries that I've visited the Asian countries are the countires that I commonly see younger women with older men. Is it for love or is it for money? I think it's both. Believe me I've seen beautiful filipina girls with some unattractive foreigners.
Just my opinion.
Everybody:
The hardest part is always on the Filipina wife's part and please don't make me tell why.:twisted:
I mean,:sad:
Thanks for posting this article. My Sweetie had me read it.
I know all about this problem, and had wondered how best to bring it up with her. It does concern me, because, whether you guys want to admit it or not, we are all human, and thus vulnerable to temptation. (Why do you think the prayer says, "… lead us not into temptation"!) One way I plan on dealing with it in PI is to NOT have a cellphone. Another way is to be careful using the PC.
Thankfully, I am older now, (almost 50!), so my age will help. Also, just acknowledging the problem, and taking precautions and PROACTIVE behavior changes will cut down the risk. But you guys who say, "It will never happen to me", are being a bit naive, I think. When we move to PI, this will be one of the issues my Sweetie and I will make plans for, to keep it from becoming a problem in our marriage.
Hi Ken from S.C.
I admire your honesty, at least you acknowledge the great temptation that is out there for you.
Having said that, getting rid of your cellphone or your PC will not resolve the problem. Do you plan *to get rid* of you too? 😆 Where your body goes, so does temptation follow… with or without a cellphone.
Your next best bet is to choose your own island and leave in seclusion. You and your Sweetie can get marooned and live happily ever after. There are only 7,107 islands to choose from. I understand a lot of them are still uninhabited.
Make a bid, GMA will be happy. It will add to her coffers.
I'm just joking, okay, Ken? On a more serious note, I admire that you have thought about it and are looking for proactive ways to avoid the trap.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
Hi Ed – Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I tend to agree with you that when a very young woman marries an older guy it is often a combination of love and also financial security. I don't feel that there is anything wrong with that, though. It is good for both partners!
Hi kiarizona – I am sorry, I don't understand what you are saying.
Hi Ken from SC – I don't think that being older helps stop this from happening. Most of these girls who pursue men are looking for rewards on the financial side, and they know that older men have more money than younger men. I also think that when you are living here you will come to realize that having a cellular phone is almost a necessity here. Best thing to do is just remain open with your wife and keep an honest relationship.
Hi Angie – Maybe those girls will follow Ken to that island! 😆
Hi Angie –
I didn't want to get too preachy, but I do know the only TRUE means of overriding temptation is to have faith in God. Like my friend Jeff says, "Let go and let God."
On the other hand …….. that doesn't mean that we should tempt fate by not doing what we can to lessen our challenges.
Ken
Hi Bob, hahahahahaha I had to reply to this one, Im no Brad Pitt either !, in fact I am overweight, hahahaha, but I keep getting told, i am gwapo, I have fair skin, and that I would want a baby with you ! hahahahaha, but in Scotts words, I have to keep saying " My daughter I am a priest, let us discuss your transgressions !" well not actually, I thank them for their overtures and say I am married !, they say "Its ok, I just want my baby to have fair skin and blonde hair," I have also noticed, its rare I sit in the mall on my own, wonder why ? when I do, I had 4 girls waving at me, then all the girls in Body Shop were staring and smiling, I smiled back and waved, hahaha bad move, one came over, and said, could we meet ? ooooooooh nothing muc happens in Bacolod City without my wife knowing about it, news travels fast around here, especially as sms is the preferred method of contact, The Judge at my wedding warned me about this, and also, I have Filipino friends, who said to me "Hello Peter I saw you at SM or Gaisano, this week, I thought why did you not come over ? they said, oh we did not want to disturb you, that means lots of people see you, and you dont see them, they will soon report back to your wife, that they saw you chatting to a girl….you have been warned, hahahahaha good post Bob as always, !!! yes its true, you are surrounded by young attractive girls all day long….and most of them are students !
ok listen in everyone I have a funny story, one of the guys was talking about sitting in the mall and watching the girls making moves on American guys in the mall, I have noticed recently there is a lot of Americans single here, hanging around the mall or Bobs Cafe etc, I met a Brit guy who has been here for 7 years, his wife was there, mine was there also, so we all sat in the mall having coffee, then all of a sudden this American guy, ( asked for his coffee) so we knew he was, sat down and ordered, about 10 minutes later, this young bright smiling 20 something approached him fluttering her eyelids, and sat down, he couldnt resist hahahahaha, then my Brit freind suddenly said, ( well I sure do hope that girl is an orphan ?)))) and in the next breath he said
"Oh well bring on the next sucker" hahahahahahah I could not stop laughing it made my day !!!
Hi Pete – Ha ha…. good story! So, did word get back to Gina that you were waving to the girls in the Mall? 😆
Hi Bob, good to hear from you, hmmm did she know, ? possibly yes, she seems to find out everything else that happens, she has so many friends in town, its hard to do anything without her knowing, she knows millions of Doctors nurses, and so forth, actually to expand my previous comments, the Honourable Judge at my wedding took me aside, and told me "Your wife is very well known in the city as she was Manager of the Diagnostic Clinic that many of the socialites go to, so he gave me a word of warning, he said " young man, be very careful if you are alone in the city, or just hanging around, young girls will approach you, dont be lured into sitting chatting with them, even if its innocent on your part, the word will get back to your wife, and it will cause an upset, because her so called "Friends" will sms her in seconds," they cannot resist a scandal.
So I have never forgotten that, got some good posts coming Bob, in next fews days, still working to get the house completed today, flying back tomorrow morning…3 weeks has come to an end, have some photos for your blog Bob, will send them over next week.
Hi Pete – That judge offered you some sage advice there! Gina should realize, though that just talking with a girl is not a cause for alarm! Heck, I talk with girls all the time if in the mall or a shop or something, just small talk, not flirting or anything. That's just part of living after all!
"I talk with girls all the time if in the mall or a shop or something, just small talk, not flirting or anything."
Maybe not flirting on your part!
Hi Tom – No, not flirting at all. I have lots of friends who happen to be women. Mostly, they are married to friends or something, and I might see them in the mall, even give each other a hug, because we are close friends. Nothing wrong with that, and Feyma doesn't think so either. If she ran into one of our male friends and they hugged in the mall, I'd think nothing of that either.
Hi, Bob.
I think you just want me to say it, here it goes…
The Filipina wife has to deal with the offensive and nasty comments from people everyday(While you guys are busy with the flirting girls or busy flirting with the girls?)
Hmmm…
Anyway, this is what I usually get:
(Never mind, Hello, how are you? They go directly to the first question).
"I heard you're now married to an American, how old is he?
"Can you show me his picture?
Show picture…
"He's not that old, I really thought you married a senior citizen!
"Does he have a brother you can hook me up with? I mean a younger brother?
"Wow, you're so lucky, how much insurance can you get when he dies?
Of course there are worst than that-Censored, below the belt comments which I'll be glad to share if you would want me to..
They get too personal sometimes that I just want to disappear.
We don't only deal with our emotions but we also have to protect our husbands' feelings by not telling them what the people are saying about us, we lie.
What really hurts me is when old friends say," Di ka na ma-reach ngayon." (You are unreachable now) when I am always the one trying to reach out to them.
Because if I don't, they will tell me(almost)the same, "Di ka na talaga ma-reach"(You are really unreachable now).
P.S. My husband and I agreed to stay 6 mos. here and 6 mos. there in the near future.
That would mean half a year break for me.
Hi kiarizona – It kind of sounds like you are mad at me – I hope that is not the case. If so, I don't know why you would be. 🙂
No, I didn't "just want you to say it," I was not sure what you were talking about, that is why I asked.
Let me make a few points:
1. I do not go out with flirting girls, and I do not flirt with girls as what you say. I don't know where you would get that idea that I do that. Is it my fault that some girls are "igat" (or Malandi)? I am not in control of their actions, and if they make igat to me and I just ignore them or walk away, why should I be raked over the coals for that? I would say that I should be congratulated for it.
2. Regarding the kinds of comments you get from your Kababayans, I have written about this only a couple of weeks ago, why it is hard for a Filipina to readjust to living here. Feyma experienced many such remarks and treatments from her "friends" here, as I have pointed out extensively on this blog.
Believe me, as a foreigner we also have to deal with offensive and nasty remarks from Filipinos as well. But, to them it is not nasty. How do you think I feel when I walk through the mall and somebody I don't know just walks up to me and says "sir, you are very fat!" Believe me, it is not a nice thing to hear. So, it is not just the ladies that get offensive comments, but the men too.
Speaking of the "unreachable" thing, I understand that perfectly, it mirrors what happened to Feyma, and I wrote about that on the blog.
If you feel that living here would not be desirable for you, why even stay 6 months at a time? Honestly, though, I feel that it would be better for you to either don't come, or stay full time. After some time, the remarks that you are talking about will go away, and you will also learn to let them roll off your shoulder. If you come and go, the remarks will always start back up when you return, and you also will not learn to deal with them. Just my opinion.
Hi,Bob.
I think we are having some misunderstanding here…
I am not personally attacking you or anybody.
I was just sharing a part of our experience and I was just trying to say that, that's it's harder for us (filipina wives), because we are the ones being approached by people with the language only us can understand.
I'm sorry if I made you mad but that wasn't really my intention.
My comment was also an answer to Macky's questions on #47 and had nothing to do wtih our plan ang desire to stay in tha Philippines.
Hi kiarizona – Don't take me wrong – I am also not mad, and you didn't make me mad. I agree with you completely that the Filipina wife has it harder than the Foreigner husband. I have even written that on this blog many times. In every case I know of, the Filipina wife has a harder time re-adjusting to living here than the husband has in adjusting.
So, we are in agreement completely. You are right, we just had some minor misunderstanding of each other's comments. 😆
kiarizona & bob.
Okay, noooow you two are blaming me. fine, fine. (just kidding).
Thanks for taking time to answer my question.
I got the perception that even in the most uncomfortable circumstances, the foreigner is still put on a pedestal (as awkward as it may seem, but still admired) while the filipina wife is on the other end of things (whatever they may be).
Bob last comment also reminded me about Feyma's difficulty to re-adjust in her return.
Wow, so many equations to consider when moving for you guys. I can imagine it being more complex in smaller towns or cities (i.e. GenSan — and even Davao) where gossip/tsismis is the only game in town.
Hi Macky – Yeah, it's all your fault! 👿
Since I am not Filipino, I can never know for sure, but I feel in many instances that the "pedestal" is not genuine. I often feel that the pedestal is often used in jest, more to belittle the foreigner than to praise him. As you alluded, I personally am uncomfortable with the pedestal anyway (even if it is genuine). I guess I feel like – why should I be on a pedestal? I have done nothing to deserve that, and in fact, being on a pedestal places a burden on me that I don't desire.
You are right, Macky – making the move is not an easy thing and many factors need to be considered. In the end, though, I consider it well worthwhile. 😀
Hi Pete,
Look forward to seeing you back in the UK so I can hear all about your trip, we can talk over coffee at Bluewater Mall as usual. That should bring you back to reality! Remember how it is here in England? girls walking by glance at us and say ** Look at those abhorrent fat old men ** , some cross over to avoid walking close to us, and the odd one faints in horror at first sight of us.
hahahahah how like the Philippines !!!! hahahaha
Scott
Hey Scott – Just tell those British women that you are a "Friend of Mindanao Bob." Maybe they will change their attitude then! What do you think? 😳
Great idea Bob!
We can hold up a large blown up photo of you as they walk by, that should have them flocking round ….
Hahahahahaha
Scott
Hi Scott – Better strike that…. I was just thinking about it, and I've decided it will probably push them further away! 😆 Not that I mind, you know!
Hi Bob,
No it has its possibilities, me, you and Pete all sitting in a row, how could all the well bred upper class English ladies resist us … 🙄
hahahaha
Scott
Hi Scott – Just do me a favor – instead of blowing up my picture, just shrink it down! Or, make it taller, but thinner. Photoshop me to make me look lean and mean! 😆
Hi Bob
What !! make it taller and thinner so you get more attention than Pete and me ? I don't think so 😈
Scott
I'm back(Oh, no!).
Let me say goodbye, at least.
I'll be busy packing for our trip to the Philippines soon.
I wish I could tell you how much we love the Philippines and we always will.
There are things that we like to do here in the U.S. for 6 mos. and things that we like to do in the Philippines for 6 months.-We are not escaping from anything, ok?
When I said, "That would mean 6 mos. break for me," I didn't mean break from the Philippines but somehow take a break from mall incidents like that and that's just a tiny part of the whole visit.
Overall, it's still great.
Believe me, I can handle pressure but sometimes I just want to disappear.
Thank you all. It was fun.
I'll find time to visit you here, while in the Philippines.
Hi Scott – You can't blame a guy for trying! Hey, I've met you, so you can't fool me. As I recall, you looked in pretty good shape! 😆
Hi Kiarizona – Do you think you'll be in the Davao area during your vacation? If so, please look us up! We would be most happy to meet you and your husband!
I do hope you enjoy your trip!
Sure, Bob!
You know I have thousand ways to reach you, do I?
Thanks!
Hi Kiarizona – It's always nice to put a face with a name, so we will be looking forward to meeting you! 😆
Bob, I just want to say bravo for a great article. The word "lure" explains it all. These poor girls only see it as a one way ticket out of hopelessness. When my husband and I first moved to Cebu all the women we met, asked, "Do you have any available american friends?". I came by myself way back in 97 (I'm a filipina, but grew up in the states most of my life), for 6 months, I saw the social interaction in the malls. So when my husband and I decided to move to the PH in 2005, I warned him that he will reach celebrity status when he gets here. Indeed he was becoz mostly he was young at 28 years old. I've observed these girls here in Cebu and they play a dangerous game. I've seen girls just being left behind with the (mix) kids and seen them trying to manipulate and maneuver talking to 4 different guys at the same time on the internet. I've seen women who are living here off of two differnent men's income from two different countries. So be careful out there. My husband was actually hired by the NBI this past year to help bust this filipina who was marriend to an English guy and a Japanese guy both here in Cebu was robbing the English guy. So crazy stuff, as long if you're happy and in love than that's what life is all about. I being a filipina and a foriegner I get it from the filipinos, wanting my number and to take me out. They're behavior is NOT as apparant as the women but they have their sweet sweet ways to get the point across. It was the same way when I went to Jamaica too, guys wanting a sugar mommy.
Hi Pia Sez – Thanks for sharing your wise words. I'm glad you enjoyed the article too. The only thing that our opinions differ on is that from what I have seen and experienced, these girls are looking out mostly for older men, not younger ones. Older men tend to have more money, and thus are better targets. Also, older men are more apt to be taken in by the "star treatment" because they are not used to it.
Very interesting about your husband working with the NBI to bust the playgirl! Fascinating, actually. I had no idea that the NBI even cared about such things!
Hey Bob, true. Older men are better targets for sure!! And of course after many years being the center of attention, right!!! As for the NBI, its not necessarily that they cared, more like they were hired to investigate and bust this woman by the English guy, as you know money talks!!!!!!!
Hi Pia Sez – Money speaks very loudly here, doesn't it? 😆
Hi Pia Sez,
Now that's really scary stuff! You're right, this scenario isn't exclusive to men, I'm sure women get approached too.
Bob,
Just thinking that if something like this is an issue, then the marriage may have a problem. If you have a rock-solid marriage, no matter where you are, you will just find these innuendoes amusing or annoying, never a threat to your marriage. I guess it is just magnified in the Philippines because the "women at the malls" are more direct. We are all faced with temptations everyday, everywhere. If we feel that it is an issue, then we need to look deeper into the marriage and find out what the real problem is.
Hi Kiarizona,
Just read your comments about your experience. That's really awful! "Kalami laparuhun!" 👿 Honestly, you're better off without "friends" like these. These are people who find pleasure in causing other people pain. Next time someone makes a comment like this to you, just say: "Sobra ka naman, sampalin kaya kita para matauhan ka!" (You're too much, why don't I smack you and knock some sense into you?) That will surely make them think twice about making these kinds of comments. They surely need a dose of their own medicine.
Enjoy your trip to the Philippines. Don't let people like these get you down…
To KiArizona:
I envy you for having a visit to the beloved Phils. It's so sweet to breath fresh air while sipping buko juice. Enjoy girl !:lol:
Guys: Prayer is my best weapon with all the craziness around. I really pray to protect my marriage as well as those of my close relatives and friends for we all know how devastating it is when unfaithfulness/infidelity exist in marriage.
Hi Tina – Yes, I feel that Feyma and my marriage is solid, and I don't worry about that. When we first came here, the whole attention from other women did kind of play with my head and make me kind of overwhelmed, but I thankfully overcame that, and I'm happy I did. It is, as the title says, the hardest thing about living here, and hard to put aside and overcome. You are right, if such things can destroy your marriage, your problems are more deeply rooted, and you must examine your marriage.
By the way, Tina, I also agree with your advice to Kiarizona.
Hi Jul – Prayer is always a good remedy. 🙂
To all of you ladies that wants to settle here be prepare when you get here. You would be surprised how the ladies here would flirt with your husband. At first it was a problem for us because they will just constantly texting or calling Bob, Its really annoying though. Some of them got Bob's number when he would be invited to be the speaker. I think some of them was challenge when Bob told them "I would never leave my wife for you". Bob and I know that nobody can keep us apart.
Now we both just laugh it off and make jokes about it. Thats part of life.
Hi Hon – Yep, we can't be torn apart.
Feyma is right, when we first moved here, I was naive and would give out business cards freely to people, which included my cell number. When those cards would spread around, I would suddenly be inundated with calls from all kinds of people – mostly women. I am smarter now, and give my cards out sparingly, only to people that I am sure are a legitimate business contact, or I am confident that they won't use my information for the wrong purposes.
I actually don't quite understand this topic. Many desirable women approaching you at malls or in the street? I have been living here in Philippines a long time and visiting it for ages, and the only women who have the "balls" to approach foreigners either in malls or in the streets are those looking for easy money (read this as prostitute or prostitute-minded). I guess if one is in the market for sex-for-money, Philippines can definitely be considered a happening place. But for single someone looking for serious love, this just is not the correct approach. NEVER look for potential girlfriends/wives in mall or streets. The good ones don't spend time there looking for foreigners. Wives! Don't worry about this! If your husband/bf falls for a girl in a mall/street, what will happen is that the boy will quickly find out that it's sex-for-money, not love, and will come back to you. But if he did, you just kick him back out, because you will know what kind of an a**hole he really is, right?
Hi Jae – what you are saying makes a lot of sense. 😉
Hi Guys, well after 2 days of flying, I am back in London, and yes Bob I will be sharing some of my insights into the last 3 weeks, especially the girls at the mall, and you made a very interesting point about comments from Filipinos, they can at first seem rude, my wife told me, they are not actually considered to be rude, I had one such comment last week, a Female security officer said to me, "Sir, your very big" so i thought i would play along with this I said " You know what they say dont you " she said no sir, what do they say " i said to her, Big belly means Big ???? she said what is that then ? well Big belly means big fat wallet ! she said oh…really ? I said yes, then Gina overheard the conversation, and said, oh what was that honey, so I told her that the lady was remarking about my size…and Gina said " Yes my husband is big, he is big hearted, but you know, I love my ATM Machine so much, we always have that joke with Filipinos who remark, it seems to shut them up in seconds, then I have the last laugh.
Hi Pete – Good comeback! I hope you had a wonderful trip!
Best way to stop this is find the best looking one and make it perfectly clear that you are not interested in any way shape or form
the word soon gets around.
Rick
Hi Rick Austin – If you live in a City of 2 Million people like I do, it can take a long time for the word to reach each one of those people! Keeping the newly arrived migrants can be a problem too! 😆 😆
Bob,
Very true however I live in areas with a much smaller population. And
as I am the only ex-pat that lives in my barangay word gets around fast.
Rick
Hi Rich Austin – I used to live in a small town myself (General Santos City) and I can attest to what you say. Anything that the foreigner does is common knowledge in minutes! 😆
Thanks Bob for showing me the blog ..here is my 2 cents ….The day I had my wedding my wife told me the 6 women wanted to taste me . they all were from well to do families and were older ,married and respectied . My wife told me they wanted a fairskined baby …At malls, beach, on the street girls would ask my wife then she would tell me what they say and then laugh when she would tell them NO . …She seems to take it will ,she told me this would happen and she was ready for it …And being a filipino woman she made sure that i was taken good car of .