If you think about it, it’s true. All of us westerners have things that we really want to get away from. We have reasons why we want to move to the Philippines. One of the biggies is prices are low here. But, among the other reasons we want to come here, we find:
- Get away from the rat race for a slower pace of life.
- Family Values.
- Less Stress.
Now, think about those things. Each of those three things can easily be found in the Philippines. The pace of life is certainly slower here than in our home countries. No deadlines, schedules are looser, etc. With all of our additional time, we can spend more family time. Not having to worry about work, we can spend time with our wife, with out kids, etc. With all this extra time to relax and have time with the family, it certainly leads to less stress, right?
Well, think again. Remember yesterday when I posted about Mañana? These three items that make us want to move to the Philippines are all related to Mañana. When we are back in our home countries, we talk about what we are looking for, and what we are looking for really is Mañana. Slower pace of life. If we don’t get things done today, we will do it Mañana. But, hold on…. as I discussed yesterday, these very things are the ones that we can’t let go of! They are also the ones that cause us stress.
If the plumber doesn’t show up at 8am on the dot as he promised, we get stressed out. If our lunch mate is 15 minutes late for lunch, we are practically hyperventilating.
Why is it that the very things that we want to get away from turn out to be the things that we can’t seem to let go after we get here? This is a very interesting question, and one that I don’t have an answer for. The only thing I can think of is that these particular values or attitudes are so ingrained in us that the ties are very hard to break. I have been here for 7+ years and these very issues still bother me. I am not nearly as up tight about them as I was years ago, but they do still cause me some stress.
I have decided that this is going to be something that I work on in coming months. Give up the “on the minute” schedule that dictates my life. Loosen up and give people time to get things done. I feel that if I let these things go, and adapt to the local culture on this front, the stress will slip away too!
What do you think? Why can’t we seem to shed these attitudes that are the reason we want to leave our home countries? Any ideas?
Bob,
I think we spend years subconsciously grooming ourselves in the west to be impatient.
When I was young and the power went out, great, no school work, go out and play, if I'm lucky there won't be any power tomorrow so there won't be school. Now after all these years if the power goes out people (including me) get upset because they miss their favorite tv show or can't do some work they had planned for the evening.
I imagine it would take me years to condition myself to have the same attitude I had 40 years ago.
My wife has been here almost 6 years and she is not nearly as patient as she used to be when she got here.
Dan
Hi Dan – I agree with you. It's like the western world is spiraling out of control. What was OK for us 20 or 30 years ago is now unacceptable. I read an article this morning about Internet speed. A group in the USA was complaining about the slowness of the Internet in the USA compared to Japan and South Korea. They were saying how a file of a certain size (I don't remember how many megabytes it was) took 2 minutes and 15 seconds for the average US connection speed, but it only took 48 seconds in Japan, or something like that. I was sitting here thinking to myself how slow the Internet is here, and marveling at how people in the USA we so upset at a file taking 2+ minutes to download and the same file would probably take 15 minutes to download in the Philippines!
@ Dan: I'm assuming by "here" you mean in the US? That's one of the most frequent "confusers" I find in Philippine groups and blogs that I frequent … "here" means so many different things to different people. My Filipino wife also developed a great sense of impatience during the six years we lived in the US together. She has had a lot of trouble re-adjusting to the Philippine life style since we've been "back home" in the Philippines.
@ Everyone: I do believe Dan is right that we westerners have an overly-developed sense of timeliness. I know I find myself getting "anxious" about the sillinest tings … even those that aren't made late by strictly Filipino issues.
Just the other morning my wife announced she had to go off to a family duty affair and she was traveling by public transport (commuting, in local parlance). I had no need to go and had other plans anyway, so it was a non-issue to me. I did recall that she originally mention that she and the BIL (who lives nearby) were going to laeve at 8 am. Come 9:30 I went to fill my coffee mug in the kitchen and she was still at home, not even getting dressed to go. I literally had to bite my lip to keep from blurting out, "OMG, hurry, you're late!"
It wasn't my appointment, I wasn't even interested in going and I actually quite preferered that she be at home with me, anyway, so why was I worried and fretful over Mita and brother being "late"?
Turns out that (as so frequently happens) "Ate" (the oldest sister" had rearranged the schedule and they all ddeparted at 10am insteda of 8 and actually arrived at the re-scheduled meeting early (so "bastos" LoL). So why did I even care about her schedule? It's a mystery to me and something we all can ponder on.
How many of our "stress events" are self-induced?
Hi Dave – I really like your comment, you laid out a lot of things that I am thinking. As westerners, our sense of timing and punctuality is so ingrained in us that even when we know it is not good for us, we can't seem to shed it. I've been here for 7 years now, and I am constantly pushing myself to be on time for things. And, for an American, being on time usually means being there 15 minutes early. Well, what happens? I stress myself to get there 15 minutes early, then when I arrive, I sit there and wait for 30 minutes for everybody else to show up! That results in even more stress, and often puts me into a bad mood. It's crazy, and it is something I am really working on to change in myself. I honestly think that it is one of the hardest things for me to shed about my "other life."
Bob,
I think so much of our Western life is governed by timetables. Have to catch the 8.01 train to get to work for 8.45 start…….have to finish that report for the boss by 12.00……have to finish at 5.00 to get the 5.15 train to collect the kids at 6.00 etc etc. The stress level rises at 8.02 when the train is 1 minute late and doesn't come down for the rest of the day.
Get rid of timetables and we'll all be better off.
The Jeepney leaves when it's full….the plumber comes when he wants….the baloot will be ready in 15 days.
Hi Laurence – You are right on with your thinking there! Back in the States and in other western countries the trains and buses are on a tight schedule, down to the second almost. There is the 8:01 train like you say, and the 9:23 or whatever. Here in the Philippines, if you ask what time the bus goes to Cagayan they will say "around 9:00" or something like that. It's a whole different attitude and way of thinking. When does the plumber come? Manana!
Bob and all
The funny thing is that we all agree the Philippine way is right and we all agree we have trouble adapting ourselves, even yourself Bob and i think all western contributors (including me) have got angry at inappropriate times, this will be one of my priorities now to be calm, i know i feel better when i smile and relax.
This is a funny Blog really because its so simple and so difficult
Great thoughts here. For my part, I don't see it as a matter of shedding our western conditioning to schedules. I see it as learning a different perspective – trying it on, seeing how it feels – and watching our own reactions as we try to adapt to it.
I see it more as a different approach – not a better approach. It may be better in some ways, worse in others.
Like Dave intimates, I see this as one huge learning experience about myself. I'm continually stopping and asking myself – why am I reacting this way? Just what is it in my past experience that is bringing up those feelings? It's very self-enlightening, regardless of the question of whether the mañana attitude is better or worse.
Hi Bob– You forgot to add one more thing to that list on why we leave the states…We want to get away from being TOO POLITICALLY CORRECT. You don't have to worry about what others will think of you here. They're too busy trying to eke out a living. There's no pretentiousness. You can be anyone you wanted to be, as long as you thread softly. In the states, it has to be the right this, the right that, and so on. You'll spend a lifetime trying to impress the people you don't like, so to speak, just so that they'll envy you. Sometimes, worrying too much about your reputation can be a bad thing. Why not just live? Till next time….
yeah, its gonna be hard for me to adjust when i move to davao, coz i was in the military 4yrs and my dad was military so i was taught to always be on time for things . people complain about the net being slow or the electric going out, but i remember when i was in school the computer was as big as a desk, with no monitor and u had to read the stuff it would spew out on this big long sheet of paper and the whole school just had one computer, and when i was a kid if the electric went out we would play board games by candle light or if it was daytime we would go outside to play,tv was black and white you only had 3 or 4 channels …..etc we have come a long way
Bob I could not agree with you more. Life in the United States is rat race. I was born in Philippines and immigrated when I was a teen, it was an experienced for me (culture shocked). There is a lot of things that I like about United States such as clothing, wide variety of food, shopping centers, grocery stores and large freeways. But as I grow old I feel that it is time to reconnect to slower pace of life. I've worked for 23 years non-stopped and had two kids. The most difficult experienced I had ever had was finding a cheap and good baby sitters for my kids. I do not know how we managed to take care of the kids. Philippines for me is the place to RECHARGE our battery, RELAX, and appreciate the culture. I would loved to go home to Philippines several years from now and lived there provided I have an income that will support.
i have to disagree with everyone. Adapting to a bad thing, is not a good idea. Chronic tardiness is not just extremely impolite, it is also a form a non-self-discipline that defeats economic self reliance and advancement.
Maybe i should hesitate to purchase stuff from Bob's website now? after all, he's gonna adapt himself to the manyana mentality. Who knows when deliveries will be accomplished?
Dabawenos are COMPLETELY capable of being on time, when someone holds their feet to the fire. Ever notice that the malls always open up on time, with a full complement of staff on hand? Anyone care to guess what happens to a Gaisano employee who's late to work?
I'm in the States right now. The so-called "rat race" is merely a reflection that many people are voluntarily scheduling themselves at 103% of timeline capacity. Squeezing more good things into life.
We should NOT pay attention to nonsense uttered by the fil-ams. They screwed up Mindanao so badly, that they needed to run away to some else's green pasture, just to have a normal life. Mindanao has been INCREDIBLY blessed by God with riches. Why should we accept advice from people who managed to turn it into a land of poverty ?!?
Hello Bob….Bill Huff here…..what a great subject, and wonderful responces. I just could not come up with the words to discribe my thoughts & feelings…….i must say, what Nick Nichols had to say summed up exactly what i was thinking….he hit the nail right on the head.
I have yet to live in the phili….will start this new adventure this Sept. When i got out of Hi-school, i recieved a scholarship from the University of Washington, for Law. I also just spent 2 years building a 1955 Harley-Davidson Motorcycle. The morning of the first day of class….i decided not to go, and to spend my time on my Harley instead. I spent 10 years living on my Bike, only working for short periods of time to earn enough money to keep riding…never carring a time piece. I am very much looking forward to this new life style
Hi Rick – I agree almost completely with you. The only thing I don't agree on is that I don't necessarily think that the way they do things here is "right." What I do think is that I choose to live here, and it is impossible for one person to change the culture of the country. So, rather than railing against the way things are here, it is better for me to accept it, embrace it, and get on with a good life.
Hi Nick – I agree with you on what you say. It's not a better way, it a different way. We can try it on and see how it feels like you say. If we don't like the way it feels, it's probably best for us to look for a new home that feels better. Just my opinion.
Hi Julius – I do agree that Political Correctness has gone way too far in the USA, and really worldwide.
Hi Ken – Oh boy! I didn't think about the implications for a Military man! You are so used to being punctual and such, this will be a big adjustment for you!
Hi Gina – Good luck to you on your goal of coming back to enjoy life a little more! I hope it works out well for you!
Hi Alan – If you don't like it, don't come back. You can't change it, you have to choose if you want to live with it or not. Your statement about Fil-Ams is disrespectful. There are a lot of your ideas that are really disgusting, Alan. Last time that you and I talked, you came to my house, and made me an offer that you would pay half of my niece's school expenses if I let her shack up with you. I found that disgusting, and feel that I really have no need for your kind of ideas. The fact is, the people reading this are not looking to come and live here for the reason why you like to come here. Your comments are really not relevant.
Hi Bill – You are right, Nick had some great words of wisdom. Even though you are looking forward to the way time works here, I bet you will still need a period of adjustment!
Bob,
I like your positive attitude. Like I said before life in the United States is a rat race especially for us females…and those who commute to go to work every day. I do envy you and your wife. Life in Philippines is slower pace and less hectic compared to the US. Everytime I see Boracay Beach and Palawan Beach, Cebu, and Davao it makes me homesick.
Everyone in my family who immigrated in the US, always goes back home once they are retired from their jobs or even when they are not!
You made a choice to stay in Davao to enjoy life with your family. God Bless you because you had been unselfish in helping your wife by taking her home so that your kids can appreciate the culture of their mother, have a good education, see other filipino's appreciate little things in life, learn to respect their elders, and above all enjoy life…without having to work from 7:30 – 5:30 PM, and clock in and clock out in the job.
By the way ALAN, I would appreciate that you do not disrespect filipina women because not all of us are the same.
I will talk to you manana…
Hi Gina – Thanks for the vote of support! Believe it or not… when we first decided to come back here to live, my wife didn't want to come back, I did. She wanted to stay in the States. But, now, we are both very happy here!
Regarding Alan, just ignore him. His ideas and way of thinking are not really what any of us on this site are looking for.
Take care!
I remember my Dad saying, "You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy." 🙂 Moving into a new cultural situation is always… well, a new cultural situation! We have been taught that certain things are the way things must be, such as always being on time. But in a different culture (here in the Philippines), what is happening now is more important than what is not yet happening. Example: You are thinking about a party that will be at your sister's house and plan to begin getting ready for that party at 7 pm. At 6 pm, a close friend of your mother, that you haven't seen in months, drops in to visit. You offer her a nice merienda and sit down for a good conversation, catching up on all the news. Seven o'clock rolls by… It would be terribly rude to tell this lady that you must go now, and your family will completely understand when they hear who came to call. The only other solution would be to bring her with you to the party, so the rest of the family can enjoy her visit as well. This is 'event oriented' culture. We come from a 'time oriented' culture. Neither is wrong, they are just different, and the difference is in how we view what is important, as was mentioned by one of the Filipinos who commented.
Hi AmericanLola – Your father was a man of wisdom! I never considered your hypothesis of "time orientation" vs. "event orientation" and I find it interesting. Although I think there is more going on than that, I do find that as a possible contributor toward the whole "Filipino time" concept.
Hi Bob…Bill Huff here…..Alan is an Idiot, and whats really troublesome, is that he is a dangerous Idiot. I did not enjoy reading anything he had to say….he was very lucky it was not me he made the offer to about one of my family members…..your a better man that i Bob….and due to this, Alan was lucky…………..
Hi Bill – Yep, what can I say. Allan is a unique guy. I'm gonna just leave it at that! 😉
Hi Bob and Feyma,
Belated July 4th. How are things in Davao? I may visit Philippines in an upcoming months and would like to see Davao or Cebu. Can you recommend a place to visit such as a nice and affordable Beach Resort in your area?
Thanks/Gina
Hi Gina – My personal recommendation would be Chema's by the Sea Resort on Samal Island. It's a beautiful place, and affordable. You can stay there for about P3,000 per night. If money is no object, stay at the Pearl Farm, also on Samal. It's a world class resort, but the prices are also world class! 😉
Thanks Bob. I will checkout the web site before I go to find out exact where it is and how it looks.
Have a nice day.
OK, Gina. Let me know if I can assist you.