As much as I love the Philippines, and I enjoy living here, the place is certainly not perfect. After all, there is no place on the face of this earth that is perfect, much less the Philippines. To be honest, there are things that worry me about living here.
These things that worry me are not things that I lay awake in bed at night thinking about, nor do I think about them each and every day. But, at times I do wonder to myself if I am doing the right thing by living here. It’s important to note, though, that no matter where in the world we live, we have things that we worry about, or consider if we are doing the right thing, so this is not a crisis.
Now, I know, many of you are thinking that I worry about violence, kidnapping, war and that kind of thing. Frankly, you could not be further from the truth. Things like that are really of no concern to me. Could they happen? Sure, any one of those things could happen later today, or they might never happen. The odds are that they will never happen. The other thing about those kinds of events is that they could happen if I still lived in the USA. Kidnappings do happen in the USA, and probably just as frequently as an American would be kidnapped here in the Philippines. So, those are not even on my radar as far as things to worry about.
My number one thing that I worry about from time to time is if I am doing the right thing for my kids. There are many advantages for my kids in terms of living here. For one, my oldest son Chris, who is mentally retarded, has a much better life here than he could ever hope for or expect in the USA. So, living in the Philippines is very good for him. My daughter, Jean, is actually my niece, although she has lived with Feyma and I for around 7 years now, and we consider her as our daughter. So, for her, having us live here is a good thing, because she would not be part of our lives if we did not live here. So, my periodic concern comes down to my other two boys, Aaron and Jared.
Both Aaron and Jared are smart kids, very smart. They will go far someday in whatever they choose to do in life. But, the thing that concerns me is the question of whether I am taking away opportunity from them. I mean, in another 10 or 15 years, what will these two do for work? Aaron is 13 and Jared is nearly 10 years old. The job market here is certainly not attractive. There are opportunities for upper level positions, but those are limited. I don’t want them to be faced with a future of working at Jollibee or McDonald’s flipping burgers. I don’t want them to be out in the street picking up garbage.
One consideration on this for me is that at the current time, the job market all over the world is looking very limited. Who knows what we will be facing in a decade from now when these two are just entering the job market. It’s certainly not a good thought to think that their prospects will be limited whether we are in the USA or the Philippines, but I suppose that it is some consolation to think that in either place things could be limited when it comes to job opportunities.
My hope for my kids (including Jean) is that they will be entrepreneurial, like I am. Instead of going out looking for somebody to hire them to do a job, I hope that they will be looking for ways that they can create wealth themselves, doing something that they love to do. Perhaps they will employ others to assist them in their businesses. However, I also accept the fact that not all people are born to be entrepreneurs, and some have to be the workers. I do feel, though, that in a place like the Philippines, there is a lot of opportunity for an entrepreneur, and not as much for a person who is destined to work for somebody else.
Another upside of living here is that my kids can get an excellent education, at a higher level than I could afford to provide for them in the USA. If things get back to normal in the world economy, perhaps my kids could leverage the education that they can get here and go land a nice job in the USA, or even elsewhere.
Overall, I am very happy with our move to the Philippines. From time to time, though, the thought crosses my mind that I hope that my happiness here is not selfish, something just for myself, and that it won’t hinder the opportunities that my kids have in life. Honestly, I don’t think it will, but it’s not a good thought when it does cross my mind.
Every decision that we make in life has pluses and minuses. The best thing we can do is to decide things that have more pluses than minuses, and then work to accentuate the positives, and to minimize the negatives.
I hope that I can say that I am doing that.
Hi Bob;
While reading your article I thought that your concerns are no different than any Dad would have, in any country in the world. We provide the guidance, we provide the best living standard we can, and we insure they have access to the best education we can give them. We worry about them every day, and most important we lavish all our love on them. Oh! I’ve just described a Great Dad? Any more questions???
Thanks, Paul. I appreciate your sentiments. I suppose that part of being a great Dad is worrying about things! I do agree that there are things to worry about no matter where you settle yourself.
Correction;
Great Dad should end with “!” not “?” Please forgive!
Bob, You are in my opinion in a very unique place with a great opportunity for your boys. If they are already learning Mandarin or if not if they could-well they will be blessed in the future job market. Young, smart, educated young men that are bi-lingual in Mandarin, English, and Tagalog/Visayan. Imagine your a recruiter for Intel and you need management in Asia. The future looks good for both of them because of the background your providing. The world is more and more one market and those that have background in different cultures are in a great position. They have great, loving parents, a good education, strong morals and their future is good.
Hi Ron – I often think exactly the things you are saying as well. But, you know.. as a father, the worries creep into your mind from time to time too!
I would like for your boys to learn how to speak Chinese (and Jean too!). So far, it is not something they have done, although I was encouraging them to do so a couple of years ago. Certainly in the future, it is something that will be highly important.
Thanks for your supportive thoughts, Ron.
Bob
Just curious if you have discussed your concerns with your children.
They may be a bit young to fully grasp the entire concept, but sometimes they can be quite smart in their thinking and help in easing your concerns.
Once again they may be too young to have decided their careers, but you should see their strong points and they also may have picked out a few occupations that they have a desire to aspire to.
The important thing is that you are involved in their lives, and that probably is the most important thing to them right now.
All things considered, I think you have made a wise choice in living and bringing up your children in the Philippines. I would not consider it a strike against them or you.
Hi Lloyd – I can’t say that I have sat down with them and discussed these exact things. We have talked about the fact that we live in the Philippines as opposed to the USA. We have talked about their future desires as far as what type of employment they may be interested in and such. But, have not really talked about the two things together. Certainly, I think that Aaron and Jean, at 13 years old each, are old enough that it is not only appropriate, but important for them to be looking at their future aspirations. Jared is a bit young for that, but getting there.
Thanks to you also for your supportive ideas and thoughts, Lloyd.
Hi Bob!
It was interesting to note that you have stayed in General Santos.Am wondering what made you move to Davao which is indeed a good city full of commercial activities.
I just got married last year in Gen San which seems to be a bit laid back.
Would appreciate your comments regarding you experience living in GenSan.
Thanks n Regards,
Allan
Hi Allan – Welcome to LiP! I suspect you are very new to reading here for two reasons… firstly, I’ve never seen you comment before. Secondly, I have already written many times about reasons why we moved here from GenSan. I will address your question, but for more detailed information, go back through the archives.
Why did we move? Many reasons. Mainly three reasons.
1. GenSan was a very small place at that time, and not much was available there. It’s grown a lot in the past decade, though. When we lived there, if you wanted to buy simple things like butter or cheese you had to take a 3 hour drive to Davao City. We got tired of that.
2. Family. Living in the same town with my wife’s family was pretty hard. I love them, but I got tired of having 20 people hanging out at my house every day. I hear from most expats that they would love to live near the family. After about 2 years they decide to move, to get away from the family. We are getting to the point where I think it would be possible to live near the family again, they have learned that we need some privacy and such.
3. Security. Back in those days, GenSan was a big target for terrorists. There were regular bombings in town, and arson fires. One bombing happened only a few meters outside the door of one of our businesses and killed more than 20 people. Having people come into our business dripping in blood and looking for assistance was traumatic. We decided that we preferred to live in Davao where it was more secure. It seems that this phase has passed for GenSan in recent years.
Hi Bob!
Rest assured… your children will not be flipping burgers in Jollibee and McDonalds. If my initial reading is correct, your children will have graduated from one of the really good schools here in the country. Let us hope they continue on to graduate from the good schools here.
I have been in the Philippine job market in the past 15+++ years, and really here where you graduated from is the leverage. Some companies go so far as naming the schools in their job advertisements, and in the interviews I have been in the only things the interviewees ever ask is who was my teacher at so and so, and how did I find the so and so campus, and basically even those in positions in the really good companies, take you in almost blindly if you come from their alma matter.
On the other hand, I agree with you. I would most likely prefer my children to be enterpreneurs too (I don’t have children yet). I have gotten too laid back as an employee, I feel there is really just this enormous opportunity and wealth as an enterpreneur.
God Bless to you and your family
Hi Claudette – Yes, I agree, and am aware about the way that if you are from the right school, it opens up possibilities for you. My kids are studying at Ateneo de Davao, which is a great school, and should afford them opportunities in the future. Still, though, it is just something that I worry about from time to time! I suppose we all have to have something to keep our minds busy! 😉
Bob: Like you, I have little concern about terrorism or security. (Interesting, how in the North they consider Mindanao as dangerous from MILF and in the Visayas they consider N. Luzon dangerous from the NPA). My concerns are largely similar to yours (funny how Juanito entering the picture changed things, eh?). I look at it as dual citizenship gives him more options in life… In any event, it will be his choice, but it will be a choice that he will have. I have faith in the primary schools here, particularly the Jesuit ones, but that faith drops significantly once University level is near. Here in the Philippines, a US degree is considered valuable, and I tend to agree with that. I’ve noticed that Manila schools tend to have a better reputation due to the “elite” connections there… The reason we will probably not move to Cagayan while Juanito is of school age, regardless of the situation. In any event, Juanito’s welfare is, and always will be, my primary concern.
Hi John – One thing I have learned in my time in the Philippines is that no matter where you are from, it is dangerous there in the eyes of the people in the next town or island! 😉 This is really intensified if you are talking about Mindanao. Funny thing is, whatever town you are in is perfectly safe if you ask the people there! For me, I believe that the vast majority of places in the Philippines are quite safe, there are only a few isolated places that are dangerous.
When it comes to schools… I don’t know that I would agree that the schools in Manila have a better reputation. For example, I think any of the schools in the Ateneo system (Manila, Davao, Cagayan de Oro, Zamboanga, and probably others that I am not thinking of) have equally good reputations. For example, when it comes to looking for a job, if you are from ADDU it is probably equally good as if you are from ADDZ, Xavier (Ateneo de Cagayan de Oro) or ADMU.
Hi Bob,
I spent three weeks in Guangzhou, China three years ago. It was during the Christmas holidays in America and guess what – Santa outfits and Christmas advertisements were everywhere! My host took me on a tour of a huge campus and the biggest thing that impressed me was the fact that students were learning English in a a most aggressive way. People would deliberately sit next to me on buses or walk up to me in stores just to try out their english skills.
I would think encouraging your kids to learn Mandarin might turn out to be the most important “gift” you could give them to prepare for their adult lives.
NASA, where I worked for the past 20 years, has all sorts of programs encouraging students to master mathematics and computer skills. Engineers pull down big bucks. Someone with a degree based on some sort of mathematics backed up with proficiency in three languages would be able to write their owen ticket in life.
–Rich–
Hi Rich – The things you say are very true. Engineering is one of the skills that will pull down a nice salary. For me, the amount of money you earn, while important, takes a backseat to doing something that you enjoy and get personal reward from. My motto in life is that if you do something you are passionate about, the money will come. It’s always been true in my case, and I hope my kids will be able to do that too.
Hi Bob,
Very true on the passion versus money thing. As a photographer and graphic artist, many times I have turned to my coworker at the space center and made the remark, “I can’t believe they pay us good money for doing this!”
–Rich–
Hi Rich – Sometimes I get the same feeling! It’s a nice feeling to have, don’t you think? 😉
Maayong Buntag Bob
On my first trip to the RP I sat next to a lady that was born in America and was married to a Filipino. Her and her husband were both teachers that worked in Manila. They had two adult children. There oldest girl was working for an international investment firm in New York. I did not get the exact numbers but she informed me her daughter was making a 6 figure salary. She told me one of the reasons the firm had hired her daughter was her ability to barter along with here ability to understand foreign currency exchange. She indicated her son was having some problems getting his career started but also stated it was his own fault. Some of these items she indicated along with the ability to afford a MUCH better education in the RP have always led me to believe raising an American child in the RP would give them a much better advantage. I have also seen many filipinos excel in there careers in the US and I attribute most of this to there being raised in the RP.
Hi Larry – Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I pretty much agree with them 100%. But, when you are a father, you always have to worry… “am I doing the right thing for my kids” … no matter what the topic might be.
I am a firm believer that when it comes to opportunity, there is more opportunity here in the Philippines than there is in the US now. The US is so over-regulated, and expensive, that opportunity has been stifled. However, the kinds of opportunity here require entrepreneurial skills in my opinion, and I hope my kids posses that!
I my humble opinion I feel necessity is the mother of invention. So your children will develop the skills they need to survive and excel were ever they are. I know what you mean about a father worrying if they are doing the right thing for there children’s future. All we can do is do the best we can to raise them and from there it is up to our children.
Hi Larry – I believe you are correct about the mother of invention being necessity.
Hi Bob – You’re on the right path. Just remember, small steps.
Your concerns are natural. Many will disappear by themselves over time (unfortunately, one can’t tell which ahead of time). The others you’ll handle when their time comes.
No need to “worry about your worries.” You’ve enough on your mind.
Keep up the great parenting. You’ll thank yourself someday for it. 😉
Hi Paul – Yep, all parents worry about their kids, even if those worries are generally unwarranted. Thanks for your encouragement.
I think you set a good example for your children Bob and I think their best education will come from you and Feyma. Although that in itself may not be as marketable in the field of employment, coupled with a good formal education that you are and will continue to provide for your children should be nothing less than a winning combination for a bright future.
Hi Bob – I appreciate those nice thoughts. I do believe that kids can learn as much, or more, at home than they do at school.
Hi Bob,
This is a good article; prompts serious thinking. I’ve not had time to read all the posts, but here are my thoughts anyway:
All over the world, there are Filipino’s working in quality high end jobs, many in the Philippines, but many, also, all over the world. So your kids will go overseas if they feel the need or want to, and they will build their own lives regardless of the circumstances. I reckon that parents do what they can by providing the education, and building in what they can in terms of ambition and a sense of responsibility. The rest is up to the kids themselves, and you don’t seem like the kind of parents who will try to “hold the kids back” for the usual selfish reason that they want to be looked after in their old age.
People, if properly encouraged as your children clearly are, usually find their own level in life, and I’m sure yours will be no different.
It’s good to care though, isn’t it? I think worrying just shows that you do exactly that, and who would complain about a Dad who cared?
Best of luck to you all!
Thanks for your input, Jim.
Bob as someone who is not a parent but who has watched a lot of kids grow up, I can only suggest you keep a sense of perspective about your role as a father. You can’t engineer the kids’ future – like all parents you suffer from something called ‘bounded rationality’, which means you don’t have anywhere near enough information to make the ‘best’ decisions about the almost infinite number of options open to you.
Concentrate on helping them become well-informed individuals who are capable of independent critical thinking. After that, regardless of where they live or what school they went to, it’s up to them.
Hi Ken – I think that I have a good perspective on the process of my kids growing up. Any parent wants what is best for their kid, whether it is rational or not. Maybe you have to be a parent to feel that, I am not certain!
Thanks for commenting.
Hi Bob- I think you and Feyma are doing a sterling job in bringing up your kids.For the future if your kids have a career with a transferable skill they can go and work anywhere in this world.
Just think of the number of people from the Philippines who hold good positions in overseas companies.
Regards.
Jim.
Hi Jim – I certainly can’t argue with what you are saying! Lots of Filipinos have good positions all over the world! 😀
Hi Bob,
Even if the Philippines does have some limitations,S E Asia is going to be the place to be over the next 20+yrs.
With the right education and skills there will be plenty of opportunities in the region eg Singapore,HK etc.
regards Chas.
Hi chasdv – I certainly think that Asia will be the place to be, but not sure I would say SE Asia. China will be the number one place, business-wise. Perhaps Japan will get a re-emergence, although they have faded in the past couple of decades. SE Asia will certainly be on the move, but I look for it to emerge full force more than 20 years down the road.
Hi Bob – liked your comment, but how will that help a little 7 year old bright girl who loves to learn when her school is falling down around her ears? You say that the educational opportunities are great in the Phils. May be true for the rich, but not the poor who have to worry about where their next meal comes from.I’m just glad that I am in a position to help her become another DITTAS FORMOSO. Google her, she and I had a falling out because she is a snob. Ecel, the the little 7 year old under my wings will have DITTAS”s power eventually, but Not the snobbyness.
Hello Heinz – Hopefully, the key is to not send her to a school that is falling down.
There are indeed great educational opportunities in the Philippines, but one must search them out, they won’t fall into your lap. Thankfully I am not poor. I am not rich either, but am affluent enough to be able to afford a good education for my kids. I do a lot to help the poor, but I cannot bear sole responsibility for them.
As for your comment about snob, etc… I am sorry I don’t know what you are talking about, and don’t have time to go searching to figure it out.
Take care.
Hi Bob! I have not visited your site since last December,since I had been busy with projects here at Chateau Du Mer in Marinduque. Your worry on the educational future of you two sons sounds you are indeed an excellent DAD. My suggestion would be to let them finished their Bachelor degrees here at Ateneo de DAVAO and do graduate work in US. I believe it is easier to get jobs either in PI or US if you have a graduate degree from a good and prestigious school in US. Hope you and Feyma will have a Prosperous 2010.
Hi David – We shall see what the future shall hold. For the most part, the decision of where to study, what to study, and which degrees to study for will be up to the kids to decide for themselves. With guidance from the parents, of course. But, the final decision is theirs.
Bob,
I’m sure that your good example will reflect on your kids. Working 9 to 5 for someone else is not the best possible way to make a living, not in the western world and maybe even more in the Philippines. But with you as a great rolemodel for entrepreneurship I’m sure that’s the road they will take – if not then it’s their choise. In the end, parrents are only responsible of guiding their children in the right direction – but the responsibility for the final outcome and the path they choose is their own. In other words, if living in the Philippines is the right thing for you, then that’s what you should do, what your children does when they grow up and how they use the tools you and Feyma has given them is entirely theirs. In my humble opinion!
But Bob….and this strikes me interesting, when you talked about Chris, you say that his life is dramatically better in the Philippines then in the US. That’s a real interesting topic, that I hope you’ll cover in a later article 🙂
All the best
Michael
Hi Michael – Actually, in the past I have written a number of times about how Chris’ life is much better here and why. For a person with the challenges that Chris has, he gets a lot more familial support here from many people in the extended family than he ever got in the US.
Oh yeah I could imagine that ! But how about professional support ? Is there any available in the Philippines?
…. I think I have to dig into your archive then 🙂
Hi Michael – Indeed, there is professional help, but you have to search to find it. With Chris’ situation, it’s rare that professional help is needed, but after several years of searching we did find it here in Davao.
Hi Bob! How are you? Your kids have the best of both worlds. When the time comes, they can always return to the US (as some childhood friends of ours did) – that option will always be there. I personally think their exposure to the Philippines, which is still so different from the US (especially for teenagers!) provides a balance and maturity they won’t otherwise experience. It’s a great advantage to them that you and Feyma work from home and are so hands-on with their upbringing, exposing them to business on a daily basis. Do they even need to go to business school some day? They are getting first-rate education right at home!
Hi Mita – I am doing well, and I hope you are too! Thanks for your kind thoughts about the kids. Yes, I do think that they have an advantage by being exposed to different cultures and such – that’s an education in itself. Sometimes a parent worries, though! 😉