It’s 7:45 in the morning. I was sitting in our dining room area. One of my workers came to work for the day. She greeted me “good morning ma’am”. Upon seeing her face I could tell something was wrong. She went directly to all the garbage cans. My nephew told her to get all the trash bins in the bathrooms because the garbage truck was waiting outside. After they finished up giving all our trash to the garbage men my worker went inside and washed her hands.
My nephew then came in and told my worker. What’s wrong with you, you just left the gate opened and you know that our dogs will go outside and then in a few months we will then have plenty of puppies. With a shock of what she did, she then blurted out that “my God I just forgot. My mind is really off today. My husband touched the private part of my daughter early dawn today.”
This daughter was her daughter from a previous relationship. At first I just didn’t get what she said. I told her to say it again to me. When she said it again I really heard the exact words what she just told me and my nephew. She then cried, I told her its okay to cry. Who would not cry with this kind of problem, and its your very own daughter was the concern here. She told me that “I wasn’t thinking he would do that to my daughter. I was a stepdaughter before, I had a Step-dad since I was 2 years old, and never my step-dad touched or did some stupid things to me. He loved me as his own daughter. I thought my husband would do the same to my daughter”.
She then continue saying that she was wondering why her daughter left her house very early and it was still dark outside. She just found out what happened when her brother came and the rest of her family came and got her husband out of bed and beat him up. One of the brother almost used the ax to crack open the head of the husband. Out of fear she begged her brother not to do that, the brother slapped her and told her that oh, you would be on the side of your husband. I think some members of the family told the brother not to kill the husband of my worker.
I called up my sister and asked her what would be the next step for my worker to do, since she attended a workshop on this matter. My sister told me what to do. I wished my friend was here in Davao, she used to work at the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) office here in Davao City. So I told my worker that I will let her go home for the day and take care the problem. I told her if she needed help just let me know. But before I sent her home I asked her who she wanted to support with the 2 loved ones, her daughter or the husband? I told her you can’t support both of them emotionally. She told me that she wanted to let go her husband and support her daughter. I said if you support your daughter do it all the way. Show her that you really loved her, show her that she’s the most important person in your life. But I said ask yourself and be true to yourself because if you said your done with your husband and later your taking your husband again, you’re going to lose your daughter forever. She already told you that anyway. I said try to reflect and ask yourself thoroughly if who you really need in life your husband or your daughter? I added to her no matter what I said or other people told you if you think that our advice were not good enough and not working for you its okay. It’s your choice. But I said I’m sorry if you chose to be with your husband I’m sorry I have to let you go. I had a daughter and nieces and helpers here and sometimes your husband comes here for a small job and I just don’t trust him anymore. Plus it will break my heart to hear later if you will tell me he touches your 2 daughters. When he is drunk he might not think hard and he might do something with other 2 daughters. As for now I’m happy that she chose to be support the daughter. She also was scared he might touch the other 2 daughters. She still working here at the house and her family really keep a close eye if the husband comes to the house. I think they really meant business here.
My workers told me that they already reported the guy to the police and he had restraining order not to be near the daughter. My worker’s brother also said that if he ever comes back to the house or he they will see him again that they will kill him. I told my worker if you guys chose not to put him to jail, I just hope at the end that your brothers will not end up to be the criminals. I think the family of the husband were mad at him too.
I am hoping for the best for the daughter and for my worker. I hope she continue to distance herself to the husband. We’ll see and let you guys have an update.
Wow that is terrible. They shoud have castrated him as well. Feyma I have a question. For the short time I have been here I only see the beautiful smiles and disposition of the people and their basic good nature at least in public. Bob speaks of SIR. It really can be very confusing and perhaps a total hypocrisy to reality because I have heard too many stories to count of sexual molestation, alcoholism, physical abuse in many Philippine households so I wonder how people can be so good natured here about almost everything at least in public. They seem to tolerate rampant corruption, being stepped on by their own country and no one does anything. If there is one country that should be rebelling against its own government you would think it would be a place like the Philippines. The people here deserve better. Yet in your story the family beat the crap out of the husband. So why if there is justice behind closed doors then why not in public against the very people raping in a way their own country. Like living in two different worlds with two different side of the same people.
Feyma
Such a sad story. My heart bleeds for the child and her mother. It’s a travesty if her husband is not prosecuted for this crime. Something has to be done to stop this cycle of molestation that also goes on not only there but around the world. Also you had to think about protecting your own family if she decided to stay with her husband, which thankfully is not happening. Thank you Feyma for sharing this story. God Bless
Hi Randy W. – Very sad indeed. Luckily my worker supported her daughter and hopefully the husband will not be coming back forever. Like I said before its not for me to decide here, its really my worker and her families. I just don’t want the husband to come to my house because I had so many young girls here, my daughter, my nieces and helper. I don’t want something happened to them.
Good to see you here.
Take care!
Hi DWAYNE – It really is bad. To be honest a lot of men here are helpful. But when they get drunk they can be totally different person. It can be so abusive or do some other bad stuff. I think the family just so forgiving here.
Hope for the best for my worker and her daughter.
Thank you so much for your nice comment here.
Take care!
My wife’s best friend is unmarried but has 2 children ages 2 and 3. They live with the friends mother and father. The friend had to put a lock on her bedroom door because many times when the father gets drunk he beats up his wife and tries to get into the room where his daughter is sleeping. So far he hasnt managed to rape her but she has live with that fear for a long time. Now she is starting to worry about her daughter also.
Why not go to the police? Believe it or not mostly it is because they dont want to be scandalized by what the neighbours will think ! now that is a very bizarre concept to most of us here, but in the Philippines it is a very common reaction to things.
The word “scandal” has a very special meaning here.
There is definitely a different justice system in the Philippines. I heard of a similar story where a husband was beating his wife. A group of men came down from the mountain in the middle of the night. They took him outside and beat him. They told him if it happens again, they would kill him. It can also happen if the husband is unfaithful to his wife.
Hi Jack – Ha ha… if somebody told you that it can happen if a man is unfaithful to his wife, they were pulling your leg. Lots of men here have a wife and multiple “additional wives” on the side. It is so common that even the inheritance laws here take those other children into account.
Bob,
I know you are right. There are many filipino men in other relationships. I think that some smaller regions have there own moral police (of citizens) who are willing to do this. There was a local murder in Leyte and their was gossip that it was because of the husband infidelity. That’s why I shared the comment.
Hi ian – Sad to hear about your wife’s best friend. Hopefully she can move out and live somewhere where she and her kids will be safer. That’s not a good place for her kids to be in right now. I really do hope for the best to her and the kids.
Thank you for sharing, nice to see you here again.
Take care!
…time for someone to quietly disappear in a shallow hole in the ground !
Agrees with Brian!!!
I also agree!
No I disagree with you Brian where is the comPASSION for this man. He should be put in a cell with Big Bubba and feel his LOVE for about a week. So he knows how it feels first then he needs to just fad away and become crab food. You must always so comPASSION towards you fellow man. :0
Let me clairify something IF HE IS GUILTY we should do this.
YEP that man should have been made a eunuch instead of just getting a beating!
Hi Feyma,
Glad you caught that. Met a young French girl in Batad up north. She was a volunteer at a girl’s home for the abused in Puerto Princesa. She said there were many girls living in that home who were abused not by strangers but by relatives or people known to them. Your worker should file charges against that guy. I wonder how many are unreported?
Alex
Hi AlexB – I hope somebody will girls those girls up there in Puerto Princesa. I’m sad for them.
Nice seeing you here again.
Take care!
Feyma,
i have one think to say here mate and that men like that are scum and dont have a right to be a father as he has give that right away with the things he as been doing to that little girl and saddly it is hapening more and more not just there but every where and there must be a way to stop it is. make me very up set to hear about this and if ther was away i can help plz let me know yes i know what i like to do with him and by the time i had it out with him he would no longer be a man but a it….thatis all i will say on this or i will say more and what is good for me to say i will pray for the little girl and for him that god will see it out with him ……peter martin tasssie
Feyma,
Iwill help you castrate anybody doing this to those innocent children. They don’t deserve to have a place in the society…if there is , they should have no testicles left to be around any children. There should be a law in the Philippines that if anybody convicted to have done this awful behavior……they should not be entitled to be back in the society without testectomy as far as I am concern!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if I am as blunt as I come! Rehab or any kind of psychological councelling will never work. Those people are not fit to function in a normal situation, they will do the same mistake over and over and destroy a lot of young children’s future. They are criminals and menace to the society !!!!!!!!
Rape is never about the sex. It is all about the power the person can have over the other. Here in Tagum City they have a cure for rape. They toss your headless body in the canal. Case closed. It is very common for a man to have 2 or more families. Why? Again it is power over people. Why don’t more women have the guy tossed in jail? Simple, money. She doesn’t have the money to hire a lawyer and if he goes to jail she will lose the income he brings to the family. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place! There are laws in place against this crime but so hard to enforce it. Basic changes need to be done to the system here in the Philippines but I don’t see it happening in my life time. Everyone seems so afraid of change when change is the only way help improve the conditions here…well everywhere really. This isn’t just a problem in Philippines, it happens all over the world. Time to put a stop to it.
Gary
Totally agree with you Gary!
This is a sad story here, one which arouses, as we can see from the responses, very strong emotions. But here’s a question for all of you: “Do you believe in the principle of innocence until proven guilty”? The reason I am asking this is that some of the respondents have this guy buried in a shallow grave, yet all the evidence you have is hearsay. We don’t know what is the age of the girl allegedly involved; we don’t know if this has been a repetitive series of events. We know nothing of the real facts, jet we automatically reach for our favourite method of execution. That’s because of the horror of the story of course, it arouses such disgust within us. But we live in a supposedly civilised society, and instead of shouting “get him…get him”, should we not be saying “what’s really happened here”?
Now, let’s assume the girl is 13 or so, and well developed, and quite well aware of what’s going on, fully aware of her own sexuality etc., and has maybe heard of what has happened in a similar case before. So, maybe she doesn’t like the stepfather! Maybe she is looking for a way to get rid of him from their family life. Now let’s assume that YOU have married someone with a couple of children from a previous relationship. You have done nothing wrong, except to love your wife, but the daughter doesn’t like someone other than her original Daddy being around the family, in bed with her Mummy etc. Get the picture? Well, your wife’s boss has told her she will fire you if she has anything more to do with you, and others who don’t even know you are ready to hack off your nuts with a blunt rusty cleaver and bury you in a shallow grave.
Now don’t get me wrong folks, if I knew he was guilty, I’d happily take part in the mutilation of the lowlife scum, but only if I was completely convinced of his guilt. Coz what if he’s not? And what if it ever turned out to be YOU, and no one would listen to your side of the story?
Jim
Everybody is assuming the guy is guilty because there was no evidence said to the contrary and the woman did not say her husband denied committing the molestation.
Jim- bravo Sir for standing up and saying what needed to be said. These days it is all to easy to assuse someone of abusing another- and the mob instantly demands castration-or worse. Right now their is a Norwegian and his wife fighting for their lives in Cebu because 3 children said that they saw that man and that woman lure a 6 year old girl away from her school [ the girl was found dead the next day]. The man and the woman have been charged with abduction and murder and many have called for them to be killed. Only problem is that the NBI did a subsequent investigation which showed that – without the slightest doubt- the couple were nowhere near that area [ and have many many witnesses and hotel video tapes to prove it ].
When my daughter was about 2 years old i had a conversation with my next door neighbour [male] who had a daughter the same age. We discussed how we actually got worried because these days it is so easy to accuse a father of molesting a child [ usually a daughter] and that when that happens it is always up to US to prove that we are innocent- because as soon as the accusation is made we are instantly considered guilty.
I am NOT saying that in this case the father is innocent, and if he is in fact guilty then I believe that he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law- but , as Jim said- slow down folks and lets find out the truth first !!
Jim and Ian I am with you. I thought this post was going to go the way of Bob’s squatter article.
In case it is true, does anyone know what the process is to report and protect a child in need ?
Listen, what happened is horrible. Really really bad….but come on. You people saying the man should be killed are simply ridiculous. A good ole butt whooping and then being kicked out of the house and told to never return PLUS reporting him to the authorities is good enough.
Why tell someone they should kill someone else?? Jesus some of you amaze me! Take a bad situation and make it even worse? That is the answer? Of course not. Now the family members or at least one of them would be a criminal and possibly put in prison.
The thoughts need to be with the mother and children. There will possibly need to be counseling in the future, although the level of that in the Philippines leaves a lot to be desired.
But don’t go around telling people to murder others. And before some of you people tell me that if I had a daughter and she was molested I would do the same thing….Uh NO! I have a daughter and if she would have been molested it would have been a real bad day for the guy that did it….but murder? Nope.
I hope this mother and children get the support and help they need.
OK If he is guilty why would you let him go back out into society and give him the oppourtunity to molest and this time and maybe kill a different child. Sexual preditors are sick people and will alway surcome to their urges if the opportunity presents itself. Therapy and coulseling have proven not to help cure them. No they need to be kept under lock on key or disappear.
I agree with you Bruce, paedophiles are sick people, and yes, I believe that they will always have their urges, and that no amount of counselling or jail time will resolve that problem. (I personally, am outrageously heterosexual, and no amount of beatings, jail or counseling is gonna cure that, I assure you)!! You are fully correct when you say that paedophiles or such sexual deviants need to be kept out of harms way, where they cannot act on their urges. But firstly, they need to be guilty of the crime that they stand accused of, and I am sure you will agree with that.
(Incidentally, I became aware only last year that a very large number of people misunderstand the meaning of the word paedophile, so just to clarify here, a paedophile is a person who is sexually attracted to children).
I’m very aware of the definition I work Law enforment in J-ville. To serve and protect!
these stories make me go mad. i hope this guy ends up in prison and gets to toss salad.
Hi Ziggy
Stories and allegations are all we have here at the moment not cold hard proven facts. If we were to put people in prison or even worse kill them like some of our seemingly trigger happy friends on this forum would suggest, based only on stories, then the world would be a terrible place to live in ….I for one moment are not suggesting that anything in this article has been fabricated but it is a fact of life that these situations can be distorted as they go through the normal grave vine route. I would soon keep an open mind and hope that if any wrong doing has happened that the people close to the situation will do what they have to in a legal manner.
I am going to point out something that will probably make me unpopular with many in the expat community, but it desperately needs to be pointed out……..Beer na Beer. In WAYYYYY too many cases like this alcohol abuse bears a significant role. Please notice that in Feyma’s tale as well. In 90% of the sexual abuse, spousal abuse, and deaths that occur in Dipolog, booze is the cause.
It is not just a Filipino problem, I worked for a major insurance company in Illinois when we lived in the US. I have had to take pictures of car roofs with teenage brains smeared all over the sunfoof opening after the loser in a drunken game of chicken flipped his car. I still have pictures of the burnt Ford Taurus that contained the ashes of two small children that were left inside after their drunken mother smashed into a tree and “Forgot” they were inside strapped into their car seats. Her sentence………probation, the judge figured she had suffered enough already. Several months later that same judge managed to wreck her Mazda Miata while she was driving drunk. The judges penalty….nothing, the county deputies went to the towing yard and cleaned all the beer cans out of her car before I got there to inspect the car. The tow truck driver was told to keep his mouth shut. A year, and several other accidents later it could not be hidden any longer after she staggered out of her car during a broad daylight downtown collision. Her penalty, supervision by her peers, and demoted to handling family court situations only.
The worst pictures I ever had to take were of the station wagon rear glass with the blood and hair of the little three year old girl killed when her family car was broadsided by a drunk.
Drink responsibly they say, so I don’t drink at all. It’s kind of like handing a guy 5 handgernades to juggle and saying ” be careful”!
I am well aware my comment will not influence anyone who is already drinking, but I hope they will provide food for thought for some.
Mob mentality is the reason so many convictions are being overturned here in the USA (and I’m sure it happens everywhere) Look at all the people that have been released after spending 20, 25 or 30 years in prison for crimes they did not commit. To many people are convicted by hearsay and gossip long before there is even a trial. If this person is guilty then he deserves whatever punishment he gets BUT shouldn’t there be an investigation and trial first ? Shouldn’t his guilt be proven by actual facts and not solely on the merits of idle gossip ? Maybe he is guilty BUT there is also the possibility that he is not. Like someone above stated, there is always the possibility that these charges are the product of a disgruntled wife or child who only wish’s to get this man out of the home and out of their lives……………….. He needs to be reported and an investigation needs to be conducted BEFORE everyone has him automaticly convicted and executed.
Hi Feyma,Very Sad Indeed!
Hi Joe – Yes for sure.
Take care!
This animal should be a prime candidate for DDS. Just saying…
Hi Mistalava – Thank you so much for sharing.
Take care!