This morning, I got a private message on Facebook. It was from an old friend. His name is Mike.
Mike and I were friends back when I lived in the States. Like me, Mike’s wife is from the Philippines. My wife was also close friends with his wife. As couples, we were very close with each other. We would do things like take weekend trips together. Mike and I enjoyed going deep sea fishing. Our wives would stay at the beach house and do whatever it is that wives do when their husbands are away. The ladies would often meet us at the dock when our boat would come in from fishing.
We always had a good load of fish when we got back to shore, and when we got home, our wives would team up in the kitchen and prepare a seafood feast for all of us.
It was good times. I think we all had a lot of fun. I know that I did.
When we decided to move tot he Philippines, I don’t know for sure, but I think that Mike and his wife thought we were crazy. Even if Mike and his wife didn’t think that, a lot of people did think we were crazy, and told us so outright. In fact, some said we were stupid. My own family disagreed vehemently with our decision. After moving, we lost touch with Mike until a few years back when we connected with each other again through Facebook.
Over the years, Mike has also started following my Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, and he sometimes participates on the site through the comments. This morning, when I got Mike’s message, I was easily able to read between the lines and know what Mike was asking about, even if he didn’t come right out and say.
What Mike was saying lead me to know that he was thinking of possibly moving to the Philippines himself, along with his wife, of course. It was very clear. When people ask me about moving to the Philippines, particularly old friends, I feel it puts me in a bit of a quandary.
On one hand…
I love living in the Philippines
In addition to loving Philippine life itself, I am also very enamored of the expat lifestyle. I can’t even imagine myself ever moving back and living in the USA again. I am not anti-USA, I am American after all. But, I just like many of the things about living the expat life. If I were to ever leave the Philippines, I would certainly be looking for another expat destination that I would go to. My thinking is that I would be looking elsewhere in Asia (Vietnam, Cambodia, maybe Thailand), Central America (Mexico, Costa Rica) or South America (Ecuador, maybe Peru or Argentina).
The thing I like about living elsewhere (not in the USA) is the sense of adventure. There are so many new things to see and do. Things that I don’t even know about. Probably out of the places I mentioned, Vietnam holds the most intrigue for me. I can easily see myself living there someday, if I get the urge to leave the Philippines.
On the other hand…
A lot of people hate living in the Philippines
I know there are many who hate living here. I know because I deal with those people every day. I get emails. I see posts on Facebook or elsewhere.
People complain about so many aspects of Philippine living:
- Too Hot
- Too Rainy
- Too much Corruption
- Too difficult to get a visa
- Too hard to find the things you want to buy
- etc, etc, etc
It goes on and on. In my experience in dealing with people who move here, I would estimate that more than 50% of expats who move to the Philippines end up leaving withing a couple of years. I used to think it was about the Philippines, now I know that it is not. In the past few months, in preparation to start up this site, I have been researching expat life in other places. I see exactly the same thing…. people complaining. I joined some “expat in Thailand” groups on Facebook to read the discussion and learn about expat issues there. Really, unless I check, it is difficult to distinguish between the Thailand groups and the Philippine groups. They all complain about the same things! Other experiences have also shown me that the same is true for many other destinations as well.
So, I ask again, what are you going to say?
So the question that is in the title of this article repeats itself. When an old friend like Mike asks the question what should I say to him. It leaves me wondering. I love it here. Most people don’t. If I tell Mike all of the good things that I enjoy about living in the Philippines (or the expat life in general), and then he moves here… what if he is like the majority? A lot of people tell me that I lied to them when I told them how great it is to live in the Philippines.
Well, I didn’t lie. I told them my experience, and I do love living in the Philippines. Yes, it is clear to me that a lot of people hate it, and can’t wait to leave. But, people ask ME. They don’t ask me what other people think. They ask what I think about living here. I mean, if I think living here is great, why should I argue against my own experience.
But, still, I don’t want to mislead people! I want to tell them like it is. “Like it is” is good for me, I enjoy it. It takes adjustment and coming to accept some things that are different, but when you are able to make that adjustment and start enjoying life, it certainly is a good life. Problem is, in my view, there are lots of folks who are unwilling or unable to adapt and change, unable to accept differences.
“But that is not how we do it in America…”
Yes, I know it is not. Viva la difference. Variety is a good thing. But, when you complain that it is not the same as America, I have one response… “We are not in America anymore, don’t forget that.” Truly, the best thing you can do to adjust is to forget about how it was in America, and start learning how things work in your new home.
Mike, if you are reading this, I hope you do what is right for you. For me, that would mean making the move. But, come with an open mind and a willingness to adapt and adjust.
Hope to see you soon!
Good blog Bob and very honest. I have gotten many positive ideas from you and other people, next will be to make the big step!
Been a long time since I made that first step when I immigrated to the US from Germany at age 16 and survived, hahaha! I’m sure I can do it again at age 75, still have that “Wanderlust”!!!
Take care Bob.
Hello Heinz – Glad you enjoyed the article. I am also happy that I have been able to share things with you tha tyou found useful. I wish you the best of luck in taking the plunge! It is not always easy, but if you give it time, I am sure you will like the adventure!
Hi Marc – I think that your recommendation also does not work well. When people come over for a “while” they are on vacation, and they act like they are on vacation. Of course, living here is much different than vacation. Actually, this friend has been here before, he just hasn’t lived here! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Mike’s story, Bob. In the case of my wife and I, a great many people surprised me and in some cases hurt my feelings deeply, when my wife and I announced our decision to move to the Philippines. Some of my wife’s sisters and other family/friends met with my wife with the result my wife left the meeting room upset and crying. To this day she won’t say what was said, but it was all about the “idiotic idea” of us moving to the Philippines and it wasn’t pleasant, you can be sure of that.
Like you I get a LOT of questions about moving to the Philippines and sadly most of them involve the cost of things. Those are easy to answer. It’s almost always cheaper in the Philippines, except when it’s not … BUT … and it is an important “but” …. cost is normally the last thing people should be thinking of.
And as you found in the Thai groups the question of “which” country makes little difference. It’s a universal problem. The only answer I can give in good conscience is, do NOT move to the Philippines (or any other country) if your move is to “fix” things wrong with your life. Specifically, moving overseas will NOT “make you happy. You and only you can provide that ingredient in your life. If you move to the Philippines happy, you’ll continue to be happy in the Philippines.
But if you move here feeling like it ids a choice being forced upon you by money issues or something else that’s sad in your life, don’t expect moving to another country to “fix” things. Won’t work.
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
Hi Dave – Thanks for your input! Much of what you say really mirrors my experience as well. So many people thought I was an idiot to make such a move. Heck, for all I know, they still do! If they think so, that’s their choice, but what I know is that I have enjoyed many opportunities here in the Philippines, and I have accomplished things here that I could only dream of in the USA! I know you have also enjoyed your life here. If we enjoy it, I guess the naysayers must not have been right!
In my experience so far, only maybe 25% of those who end up staying actually seem happy. Most end up with what I now refer to as Angry White Guy Syndrome (AWGS) and are to be avoided 🙂
So correct, Rease. You know I have very few expat friends. I would love to meet and interact with more foreigners. But you know what happens fully 95% of the time I meet a fellow foreigner?
Before 10 words are out of his mouth the “you know what’s wrong with this F-ing place and these idiot Filipinos” words start to flow. God I hate it!
If you are so unhappy, guy, why don’t you leave?
There are things which disappoint me and irritate me in the Philippines as, for sure, there will be things which disappoint others … even Filipinos LoL
But to automatically assume because of the color of my skin or my passport that my chief interest in life is to bitch about “what’s wrong” with the place just leaves me cold.
AWGS, that’s a good one. I’ll have to remember it. Thanks.,
Yep, spot on, Rease!
I see… well, I interprested “a while” I took that to mean a shorter time. For me, you can’t really get settled in and like the place a lot until you have put in 5 years! 🙂
My mind was already made up to live the expat lifestyle before I ever discovered Lip Magazine Bob. For me and many other career military retirees, it is an easy transition was made simple and easy because we have spent extended periods in many foreign Countries and cultures. Adapting to this one was no different than it was ti a Spanish, Italian, Nordic, Caribbean or other Asian cultures Enjoying what these other cultures offer takes a little time as you need time ti settle in to the lifestyle and discover how far your finances will go. Been here 3 years now and really love it here. I hired a Banka boat just yesterday and took an American friend with me. He is a new expat and neighbor here and is learning the merchants and people I call upon when I am not sure where to go. Though we caught no fish yesterday, we had a great time on the boat while our wives stayed in a resort Cabana on the beach. Move? Hell no!
Howdy Joe! How are you doing today, my friend. Unlike the military, so many Americans have never even traveled outside the USA, and thus they experience lots of problems if they move abroad. For you military guys, it is practically second nature!
Hi Bob
Your article struck a chord with me.
I had visited the Philippines many times but only up to 2 or 3 weeks at a time. I thought I knew a lot about the place. Last year I left a project in Thailand due to the fact that I didn’t need the stress of the job and the assholes running it. The plan was to go back to our house in Davao City and spend a month there until I got fixed up. Well, 1 month turned into 3 1/2 months and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I’m now convinced that I have made the correct decision.
I would love to spend longer periods there but unfortunately I am still working to save for my retirement. I shall be taking the opportunity when I get the chance though. Some of the trips that we did to small islands and other resorts will live long in my memory. Sitting there at the end of a pier with the breeze blowing, flag flapping, palm trees rocking gently on the beach and that oh so crystal clear sea!
Cheers
AJ UK
Glad you liked the article, AJ. Keep on enjoying your time in your new home!
I have a love & hate relation for the PI for the last 36 years!
Of course, there are things that I don’t like here too, RK, but overall, my feelings about the Philippines are much more on the “love” side, and really no “hate” just a few dislikes. 🙂
I feel a little stupid after reading this in that it never occurred to me that dissatisfied expats, no matter which country they reside in, very likely do complain about the same things. Probably the #1 complaint I come across for Costa Rica expats is that they can’t get such and such or the price of such and such is so high here. Really boggles my mind that they didn’t realize that before they got here and that they can’t seem to get over it.
Like you Bob, I try to tell it like it is on my blog, the good and the bad, but overall I’m an optimist. Jeez, you just couldn’t make it here if you were not an optimist. I feel sorry for those folks who are stuck in their personal complaint cycles and I try to avoid them as much as possible.
Hi Casey – No need to feel stupid, not at all. We all have different things that we observe.
Only recently, I have come to realize that expats in many other countries complain about the same things as what they complain about here in the Philippines. Before I thought it was only a Philippine expat thing, but after researching for the purposes of this site I have come to realize that it is a universal expat thing. I do wonder… what about people who expatriate in first world countries… say a Brit moving to France, or an American moving to Japan, that sort of thing? Do they complain about the same things still? It is interesting to ponder.
Having lived in 5 countries I’d say that, the further your native culture is from your host culture, the more you’ll crave the company of other expats. If your native culture is, say, British, and you’re in Australia, then you may never want to see another Brit. But in Kathmandu, for example, you may find the reverse.
Hi Godfree – What you say makes sense. Based on my own experience, let me add something. I feel that the longer you immerse yourself into a culture, the less you want to have contact with other expats. So, while what you say may be true for a few years or more, if you have immersed yourself into the new culture over time, you may come to the point where you really would prefer to mingle with the new culture rather than the past. That is where I feel I am now.
Godfree,
What Bob says rings very true with me. It’s not that I don’t want other expat friends but after a while I am very much a part of the family I married into, the community where I live and business associates I do business with.
Many expats try to live separate lives from the Philippine community in general, and once the stream of “how do I buy this, what visa do I need, how do I get a bank account and so on, they often have very little in common with me. I’m always open to new friendships, but so often we seem to nave so little in common.
Also, particularly when I meet fellow Americans, there seems to be NOTHING to talk about except US politics, who many things the president has done wrong, why whichever political party is right … or wrong … and even which news media is liberal or conservative, etc..
These discussions are terminally boring to me, often lead to arguments and hard feelings, and frankly, many Americans choose their friends by asking which candidate you voted for in the last election and decide whether or not to continue a conversation based on your answer being “right” or “wrong” in their view.
There IS more to life than politics … but many Americans these days can’t seem to grasp that concept. I met a fellow by chance in the mall just the other day, seems like a great potential friend. Fronded him on FB, messaged to set up a coffee or lunch date to get to know each other better, and his first message back was a diatribe about what President Obama has been doing wrong lately. Yuk! No way am I going to spend time engaging in those sorts of conversations.
So you’re right, Godfree, in the sense I would love to meet and interact with fellow expats, but to engage in the typical AOWG (Angry Old White Guy) discourse about this or that political “talking head”, or to go through a litany of “What’s Wring With The Philippines”, you can count me out, no matter how long I live here.
Hi Dave, what you say makes a lot of sense to me.
I could not agree more Dave! My daddy always said you want to start a fight with someone talk about politics or religion. And that is one reason I do not friend many expats when I am in the Philippines, they want to talk about one or both.
Very Good post, Bob. So many X-Pats think they have it tough living here. However, just think of the hard life the average Filipino has. X-pats really have it good here compared to their tough life.
An X-Pat has the choice of living here permanently or going back home for a vacation. We will visit the States in 2016 and don’t have any problem doing it. We want to see family and friends. Yes, they come here for a visit and we like going to the States to see them for a few weeks. We just prefer to live here.
Those heavily involved in politics certainly are an interesting lot. They really believe that a particular candidate can change the world. Nope!! Not even close. Take Obamacare: The insurance companies figured that out. As the Kennedy liberal’s said the insurance companies got everything they wanted. And now the insurance companies are making record profits. In other words big business/the military complex (pick a group) controls what is important.
Rusty
Hi Rusty – I see your comment made it through, so the problem must have cleared up. 🙂
I don’t think it is really right to compare the life of an expat with the local population. What I am talking about in the article is somebody from the USA who is thinking of moving here. When he comes he will naturally compare his life here with the life he had in the USA, not against the life of the local population. It is only natural. “Did I make the right choice, do I have a better life here than I did in the USA?”
Here is an advice from a person who has been in the markets for longer than he can remember. That’s a person with whom I still correspond.
The international monetary bubble will explode at any moment now.
We are talking (single digit) months and NOT years.
If you don’t have the means to make the move in that time frame, don’t bother doing it.
He told me that beyond Thanksgiving Day it will be close to mission impossible to move to another country.
He moved to Uruguay, South America, late last year.
Hi Bob – You have been giving these warnings for a long time, and I will certainly say that you are a believer. Now that the time is quickly approaching, it will be interesting to see if anything develops. I tend to think that it is nothing, but I know for sure that you firmly believe what you are saying. I wonder.. if 2015 passes without any major hiccups, will you feel that the possibility of the “event” has passed, or will you feel that it is still coming?
I used to teach at the American school in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. I still correspond with people who live there. So Uruguay isn’t from where I lived.
I sure hope your friend went to Uruguay because he wanted to and not because of a monetary bubble that may or may not happen. As a Fidelity representative said once can you imagine what will happen to other countries if anything happens to the U. S.
Rusty
My friend didn’t want to leave. He was totally against it in 2009 when I told him that I was about to make a rather RUSH exit.
We had a fierce discussion based solely on SP500 technical charts that we both understand.
Our debate was basically about, HOW the coming calamities (the whole spectrum of it) will happen, rather than WHEN it will happen.
Since then, he has been closely watching what’s going-on and he finally threw the gloves last year…
I have been living here in central Luzon for a little over 3 months. I have no intention of moving back to the USA. I love it here. Are there things that irritate me? Of course. But no where is perfect. I tend to avoid other expats. As Dave said in his comment… more times than not it is about having someone to bitch to about how messed up the Philippines is.
I was blessed with an understanding family when I decided to move here. Some of my friends thought I was nuts but they kind of thought that of me before anyhow.
My daughter spent 2 1/2 years in the peace corps in Africa. She was and still is excited that I made this move. And I am happier now than I ever remember being.
As I told one expat who pushed me past my tolerance of enduring his complaints. You can run away from the cold winters and the ice and snow.. but you can’t escape yourself.
I don’t think he got it as the next words out of his mouth was about how F@#ked up the LTO was here…lol
Hi Richard – That is great! I am glad that life in the Philippines is working out for you! Many expats, after 6 months or a year of living here start going through an adjustment period and not liking it much. But, if that happens you can just hold on and it will pass!
Yes I have so been informed. lol It may very well come down to which place I dislike more maybe?
I took 2 years and did as much research as I could before I came here. I read as many forums and blogs as I could and searched out as many answers to as many questions as I was able. You, Bob helped me on more than one occasion. Even though I did all of that research.. I still have those WTF??!! moments… lol
I truly believe in my heart that I will never live in the USA again. I have already made cremation arrangements and the sending of my ashes back to my family in preparation for the inevitable. I have to go back Sept. of 2016 for my daughter’s wedding and I am already dreading it.
Hi Richard – I suppose we all have those moments from time to time. It sounds like you have committed to making the full adjustment!
Gee! I like reading your views and comments here. I am a Filipino and reading your views as expats/ visitor truly amazes me. I agree with most of your views and i am glad to read views of some positive minded individuals as i am so disappointed with some who thought that moving or visiting 3rd world countries/ developing countries like the Philippines will offer a band- aid treatment to fix their lives somehow. Again i believe it is all a matter of attitude towards life. If life is better in their respective countries then the best suggestion is to stay where you are but i suggest never to find happiness in places or people you see or be with because you are bound to get disappointed.
I have visited the US once and stayed there for a month but i did not expect much of what US can offer me but i brought with me an open mind to enjoy the things that i can during my stay there.After my visit there i still love to live in the Philippines although i agree it is sometimes too humid and hot in here where staying indoor sometimes is a must. I still want to go back to the US soon to enjoy the snow…lol!
I will keep following your blogs guys not because you speak good of my country but because of your positive attitude. Life is too short to keep complaining… Life is good if …we choose!
Hi Docandrea – Thanks for reading my site! I am always happy to have new readers, especially local readers who can offer insight into the issues that many of us foreigners encounter here and maybe we don’t really understand. Somebody like you can be of great help in explaining to us!
You are so right, if a person has problems in life, moving to another country will not make the problems disappear! You still have to address your problems!
Thank you again for stopping by, and I hope to see you here again!
Hi Bob , you give people good advice it’s up to them how to adjust to a different country
Some people will never adjust, yes I got the same when I told my family and friends
They said are you crazy leaving England to go to a third world country,
Yes I could have stayed where I was but like you I wanted something more out of life
Anyway my wife was getting fed up with the British winters and I can say moving to
The Philippines is the best thing I’ve ever done as for the moaning expats there’s loads
Of them in Manila, I don’t want to know I want to keep positive, Derek in pasig.
Hi Derek – You sure are right, everybody has to adjust the way that is best for them… even if it seems tough on them. Some people have such a hard adjustment that it causes health problems and such.
Isn’t it funny that people from our home countries think we are crazy, and they feel that they know better than we do, when it will have no real effect on their lives? For me, I am happy and have been here for many years, but some people in the States still think I was wrong to move here… why would they care?
Hey Bob,
I enjoyed the article today. What I would tell my friend is why I like living in the Philippines. I would also tell him the cons that others have found being an expat. I would also make it clear to them, just because I like it dose not mean you would like it. Maybe you should suggest they do a extended stay before making the move permanent. Also I would explain to the about how Filipino time does not work the same way as time in the US does. I find some expats have a big problem with that.
I have stayed several times for about 3 to 4 months at a time. My first trip I found it was strange and exciting. The next trip was more like I like it, then the next I like it a lot. When I got home this last time I felt I was heartsick for the Philippines. Wish I was there now matter of fact, but will be there in Gensan soon!
Glad you enjoyed the article, Scott. Thanks for replying.
What you say makes sense, and is in fact pretty close to what I told my friend.
Here’s my advice (from a local perspective) to those who are contemplating on making the big move here:
Ask your selves hard: why do I want to move there? Do your goals in life really have to involve moving to another country? Can I stand dealing with the local conditions there every day? The humidity? Bad Filipino driving? Flawed Filipino logic of doing things? Roosters crowing at dawn? Neighbors who enjoy karaoke all through the night without consideration for others? Not many products made in the USA? The smell of tuyo wafting from your neighbor’s kitchen?
Learn all you can about the country and its people. Interview long-time foreign residents here. Interview the locals. While Filipinos love to welcome visitors and make them feel at home, we do find it odd why foreigners want to move here.
Visit as much as you can and stay as long as you can. You’re thinking of moving, remember. Try the local food. See if you can develop the taste for local food.
If you want to move because you dream of living in that stereotype tropical paradise, then maybe you don’t need to move here. Just have a very long vacation (think of it as a sampler experience), enjoy the sights and sounds. If you enjoyed your stay, come back and see if you want more. The whole point is find out if you have what it takes to survive living in the country.
Can you stand the Filipino culture? Plenty of Filipinos cannot even stand each other. So, what makes you think you can do better? Will the locals stand you?
No country is perfect. The trick here is to look and focus on the good things of your new home. If you focus on the things that make you complain, you are only inflicting mental torture on your self. If thousands of Filipinos leave for abroad every day, what makes you think that you can stand it here for the long haul? Even if you adopt Filipino thinking, that’s not a guarantee you will like it here. You may like it for a few months, a year or two. What will you do when the excitement fades and reality hits? How will you adjust?
In the end, living in another country or just visiting is all about perspective, how you see things. Biases and preferences color one’s view of things. An open mind makes you tolerant of things outside your comfort zone.
And when you do make the jump, then welcome to the Philippines. Mabuhay!
Norm – Thanks for sharing the local perspective, it ks valuable. Much appreciated.
Hi Bob, Todd here….Ruby’s fiance.
Bob, this is a great article. I have been going to the Philippines for over seven years…I live there part time and absolutely love it. The more I am there…the more I love it. I truly love living in the Philippines.
However, it certainly is not for everyone and the type of person it is not for are the following:
1. People that want the Philippines to be like their country. It is not going to happen any time soon.
2. People that cannot adapt and adjust. If you cannot adapt and adjust…forget it..,you probably won’t be happy in any other country. You are probably not that happy in your own country.
3. You have a superiority complex. You think because you are from a “first world” country you are better. Obviously that is not the case…but I see many many foreigners…especially Americans think this way.
4. A person that is not willing to accept the culture…and that also goes to adjusting and adapting but not totally. I see so many foreigners that absolutely refuse to learn any of the languages in the Philippines. They refuse to eat any of the so called “filipino food”, and they rarely if ever really see the “REAL” filipines.
Listen guys and gals…the “REAL Philippines” is not a 5 star resort. It is not the famous foreigner hangouts like P Burgos in Makati or even Palawan or Boracay. All of those places have their selling points and negative points…but they are only a small part of the filipines.
To see if you are really going to like the Philippines and want to live there…frequent the areas where the average filipino lives and works. That way you will get a much better idea of the real filipines.
I have been to many places in the Philippines….from Sindangan, Mindanao to Labason, Mindanao, Dipolog, Mindanao, Cebu, and many other places. I go to the inner streets in Manila. To the Karinderyas and eat breakfast every morning.
It is ASTONISHING to me to talk to foreigners that think they know the filipines…and yet they have NEVER been out of the Makati area or any other highly populated foreigner area. They have no idea what they are missing.
I really get disgusted to hear foreigners complain about the filipines day after day after day…yet they still live there. They can go home if they want…but they still live in the Philippines. These are just people that want to moan and groan about EVERYTHING and they do the same thing in their country.
With all of its warts…and there are plenty…to me the Philippines is a wonderful place to live.
Hi Todd – Your #1 is a very important thing that most people can’t seem to understnad.
This right on the money I think. To me it is about learning and growing. I found myself stagnated in the USA. I feel if I stop learning and growing I will wither away and die.
I get more enjoyment out of hanging outside where I am living in the evening talking to the guys who are drinking and betting on the kids spider fights.. talking to my 81 year old landlady who’s husband was in the Philippine Navy and her stories of the Japanese occupation in WW2. I sure do not miss talking “American politics”
Exactly. Though talking about politics is fine as long as no one takes it to an extreme. But that seldom happens, right? Seems everyone knows what needs to be done to solve a problem. After all it isn’t like one groups policy is going to change anything. As one politician said; “All they’ll do is talk about the issue for another 30 years.”
Rusty
Hi Bob,
When my husband and I announced that we were moving to the Philippines, our close-knit family in America was very angry, upset and hurt. I think part of it was that they were hurt because they thought that the life that we had all shared up to then together, was just not good enough for us anymore. It’s not like they were not somewhat prepared because we had already built a house and spent many trips and vacations in Cebu. Our son was fine with it, as he has lived and worked abroad and really considers himself a citizen of the world. He can relate to and enjoy his Filipino family here and is not averse to visiting and spending time with us.
Although I have tried to keep up with family back in the States, and am still truly interested in all that they are doing, it has been hard to find a common ground. Some family have made an effort, but I have had to let go of the fact that some have just “written us off” I’m sad sometimes that in order to make a “leap of faith” you sometimes have to leave some people that you love behind. That has been our experience, but that might not be yours. I can understand where they are coming from too though,
I realize now too, that as long as your vacation here has been in the past, it will never be the same as when you truly settle here. As I have said before, there surely is a learning curve and period of adjustment in adapting and settling here long term. It is often not at all what you expected, and sometimes way better than you ever imagined.
Of course there are things about living here that bug me sometimes. They bug my Filipino husband much more often than do me:) For the most part though, we’re very happy here, and could not go back to the old life that we had, even though we were pretty happy before too:)
Happiness is a choice really, no matter if you move permanently abroad or stay in your old hometown. I guess that any advice that you could give to anyone interested in moving here, would have to be based on your own individual temperament, personality and circumstances.
As Dave Starr often says: “Your mileage may vary.”
I think that if the Philippines is a fit for you, you’ll never be more satisfied. If it’s not, you’ll find out fairly soon. There’s really no barometer on the odds though.
Queenie
Hi Queenie – I know the feeling of being written off. I have that situation, sadly, with my brother. I have made huge efforts to fix that, but it seems there is nothing I can do.
You are right about the difference between living here and vacationing It is nothing alike.
Hey Bob and Queenie,
I can agree about living there and vacationing. But when someone does an extended stay in the Philippines for 3 to 5 months you start to get what everyday life is like. And I am not talking about traveling everywhere but staying in one place. Personally I would recommend anyone thinking of moving do this. It really gave me a look at how everyday life is there during these stays. Me and my wife have been to the Philippines several times over the last 9 years for about 4 to 5 months at a time. We would have stayed longer but the clock would have reset on her quest to become a US citizen. I absolutely love the Philippines.
I would agree that it is good to come and stay as long as you can!
Hi ScottD,
As you say, long stay over a long period of time would help a lot to get a feel for living here.
A week or two or three even once a year will not really give a true picture of what it’s like living here full time. I used to disagree about that theory, until I saw the difference first hand myself.
I suppose everybody is different and might not feel the same though. Loving the Philippines makes it easier I would think:)
Queenie
Hi Queenie,
I totally agree that no one could possibly know what living in another country would be like just from a 2 to 3 week stay. I think it is insane for someone to move to a foreign land on a whim. Even if someones spouse is from that country. People move there thinking “my spouse is from there so it will be just fine.” And then they get a big culture shock. I would say this happens about 3 months after living there. Well people your spouse might be just a bit more culturally flexible than you are.
What is sad is most Americans have never left the US and now they move to a totally different country!
Hope you have a wonderful day!
Queenie,
What you said is so true of any place. One has to really like the country or the negatives will surely flourish. That’s not to say there aren’t negatives in the U. S. As there certainly are.
I just wish people would be honest and say I want to move back to the States for whatever reason. However, usually they say thing like; “I an returning to the States because the educational system is better.”
These are foreigners who say this because they’ve sent their child to a public school in a remote area. An area were the teachers have to lower the standards so the kids can understand. What else can the teacher do. The X Pat wants to pay 100 pesos every 4 months but expects a Harvard education.
When I lived in Bolivia we had teachers that would stay in the country for a day, or a month, and want to return to the good old States. They never gave the country, which is almost like the Philippines, a chance.
So spending time here is very important. Also the wife has to be fully on board with the decision to live here. If she’s not life will be miserable.
Rusty
I agree Rusty–everybody has to be on board about moving or it would be a frustrating situation for both people involved.
Queenie
I see different ones of the comments say in a different way what my grandfather used to tell me when talking about moving from Ireland to the US.
I would ask him what the people were like back home and he would always reply, “About like here.” He would then go on to explain that people are very similar the world over, but the main difference is what we see in the mirror. The people around us are less important to our happiness than we are. The way we react to things and people color the way we see life.
The other thing that can happen is we build up certain expectations or pretensions that are not founded in reality. Do you really need a free/fair trade, north slope grown, hand selected, artisan brewed, with organic happy cow cream, clockwise stirred cup of coffee? Or is a cup of coffee with cream what you really want? If that is out of stock, how about 3 in 1?
My point to the last paragraph is simply that if you are obsessive about small details, you will be disappointed no matter where you live because no one is perfect. The Philippines or any other town in the world will be a disappointment because nothing will live up to your specifications.
One last thing and then I will get off my soapbox. The town I live in here in Indiana, in the last 20 years gone from almost totally indigenous population of families that have lived here for many years, to one that has at the last census, 56% immigrant population. 35% are primarily from one country. Do you know what the common complaint is? “You don’t speak our language.” “You don’t do things the way we are used to doing them.” And best of all, “You need to get more of XYZ stores, products, etc. because that is how we do it were we come from.” People are people all over the world.
LeRoy – Your grandfather was a wise man.