How is a wake and the burial handled if someone dies in the family here in the Philippines?
Let’s look at what happened during the death of my Dad. I was living in the USA at the time of his death. Six months before my Dad died, Bob, Chris and I came to the Philippines to visit my Dad due to his sickness. Chris is our oldest son, at that time he was just 5 months old, and our only child at the time. Papa just got out of the hospital at that time. We came because we pretty much knew that his days were almost coming to an end. We wanted to see him and that he could at least see and know Chris. Well, we were happy we did because few months after we came he passed away.
During our visit my sister mentioned that my Papa told her that when he dies he wants to be buried right away. So when my Dad died I didn’t get to come here due to our oldest son having an ear infection, he couldn’t be on an airplane – thats the doctor’s orders. So when my family called me up and informed me that my Dad just passed away I then asked my sister when will he be buried? She replied that they have to wait for a few days because they need to get some papers like burial permit and others. I talked to a friend of a friend these person just lost her son. She told me that her son died on a Friday, they can’t process any paperwork until like Wednesday because of the weekend and holidays. No offices will be open to cater for the people that needs these kind of papers. I guess thats the procedure before I just didn’t know it.
In our culture we will have a wake either in the house or in the funeral parlor. In the farm, people there to tend to have their wake at the house. As I remember if somebody dies we will watch the person that dies 24 hours seven days a week until that person be buried. I’m not sure if it’s different in every province, though. In the funeral parlor it’s same thing people would still keep an eye of the person until burial day.
Here it would be common to have like 10 days wake. Some would even have 30 days to wait till burial day. For that they were waiting for a family member from somewhere abroad or a far away Province to arrive. My brother-in-law’s niece died in a car accident here in Davao. She was reviewing for her nursing board examination and got into a car accident one night. She was brought to the hospital for 2 days before she died. They didn’t bury her right away because they have to wait for a family member from Germany and the UK. In my opinion 30 days was really a long wait but for some people here it’s okay though. On that I don’t even want to tell you how the dead person looks like by then.
You might be wondering how they keep the dead body preserved? Well, theirs somebody from the funeral parlor comes to the house and inject something to the dead persons body. They probably come every other day. When my father-in-law died (an American, and went through this in the States) it was a shock for me because It was so different from what I am accustomed to the way they handled him.
Anyway, I hope you guys that used to live in our different provinces of the Philippines and maybe you have different take on this subject it would be nice to hear your story.
It's good that people get afeel for this becuase death 'rites" in the Philippines are indeed a lot different than often rushed events we are used to in the US. Recently my father-in-law's only sister (and last sibling) dies on a Sunday. Her burial was scheduled for the following Saturday. Seemed long to me, especially since someone stays with the body 24×7 … and her wake was at a funeral home in Quezon City, far from where we live. (thank goodness for teenagers who obey their parents) But it was a great learning experience and it was uplifting ang heartwarming to meet so many family and friends and then to attend the graveside ceremony (be prepared for above ground vault burial, more on that another time).
Americans in general won't be familiar with the wake at home, which is ore common than the funeral home from what I see here in Luzon. Personally, I think I'd prefer it. Anyway, thanks for teaching us more about life in the Philippines.
Feyma,
I know a week's wake is normal which we had with for my dad. But the Marcoses hold the record for having the longest wakes ever…one for the the late strong man which I believe is still lying in wake at their home in Ilocos and also for his own mother who was finally buried after a few years.
Rmada
Hi Feyma:
This is a very difficult topic but is a reality. If I may add, cremation is not practiced, if not, rarely and just recent among filipinos. I heard that there are now crematoriums in Manila and perhaps in Cebu.
Filipinos give cash donations to the bereaved family. Neigbors and relatives also help out in the food preparations and serving during the wake. Some places don't have funeral parlors, let alone a ready-made casket, so carpenters fix one and work even during night time.
The roman catholics tradition is to have a 10-day prayers after the burial and food is served after the prayers. Relatives, close or distant ones sometimes take turn in taking care of the expenses of the food served during the 10- day prayers. The prayer is usually held at night. Games fitted for the occasion are played ! On the 10th day is a bigger preparation: more food is served after a long prayer and this is usually held during the day, before lunchtime.
Other places may also have their own practices and traditions.
Hi Feyma,
This is a difficult topic to write about but I will attempt to do it for the sake of the non-Filipino readers.
Philippine wakes, as mentioned above, are of longer durations – usually a week, 7/24. The casket is closed, except for the upper part which is covered with glass to allow viewing of the departed’s face. There is a 9-day novena or “Pasiyam” where prayers are said for the departed’s soul. Again, prayers are said on the 40th day as this is believed to be when the soul goes up to Heaven. The family wears black and will do so for a year or until “babang luksa” – the Tagalog term for “end of mourning”. The men usually wear a black pin on their shirt (closest to the heart) or a black ribbon around the upper arm.
During the wake, refreshments are served – coffee, cakes or Filipino delicacies. Forms of entertainment are provided to mourners to keep them awake all night – some play mahjong, cards, “sungka”, etc. I heard from someone who attended a Tagalog wake that they had a poetry competition or “Balagtasan”. This must be very traditional, I haven’t experienced it myself. It is imperative that someone stays awake all night so family members take turns in keeping awake. Like Jul mentioned, monetary donations or “abuloy” is given to the family to help with the expenses.
If the deceased is a Catholic, there will be a funeral mass in church before the burial. The funeral procession is very solemn with, usually, the “Ave Maria” being played on a loudspeaker. The burial is very emotional, especially for the immediate family.
The family members visit the gravesite often during the year of mourning and every All Saints and All Souls Day (Nov. 1 & 2). They would spend most of these 2 days at the gravesite with food, a tent, etc. – more like a picnic. I think this will be a topic for another day.
I am going to a party Saturday night for a much loved friends dad, however he died two years ago! It took sometime to get the concept and the concept of all saints day.
What a wonderful and fantastic way of celebrating and remembering the ones you love!!
Hello Feyma,
I found your site and your husband Bob. I was searching for Mindanao Davao especially and Tagum. I came from Tagum City and now live here in Sweden. I got married to a dutchman (Netherlands) and move here in Stockholm year 1994. We have four children, the youngest one just born last June this year. He is only 3 and half months old. Anyway, my husband and I decided to move to Tagum permanently and that is pretty soon. November is our schedule we have our tickets and documents for transferry for my 2 older daughters. I feel mixed up right now. My stomach like a butterfly. You know what I mean. I am excited at same time not so sure, but I also want to live in Tagum permanently. I am tired the cold of Sweden, the darkness in winter, the longest cold of europe and very short summer. Anyway, what do you feel when you move back to Davao after 10 years living in the US?
My husband is very excited moving in the Philippines he is much more confident and much more excited than I do.
How is it from Bob when you and Bob decided moving in the Philippines?
Do you feel confident when your decision and Bob moving in the Philippines to live permanently?
Please let me know your answer. I look forward to your response and very much appreciated to hear your story. Thank you.
My greetings to your family (husband and children).
Daisy