Pretty much ever since I have been coming to the Philippines, and especially since I have lived here, I have heard foreigners like myself complain from time to time about communications with Filipinos. I hear some foreigners say that Filipinos say things that are lies, and they intentionally lie. I have heard foreigners complain that they have told something to a Filipino and the thing that they said was seemingly ignored – not paid attention to. Personally, I don’t believe that Filipinos lie or disregard what they are told by foreigners, but I never quite understood why there was a communication problem. I knew that the problem existed, but I wondered why.
Last week, I started taking language lessons from a local teacher here in Davao. This lady has taught Bisaya to foreigners for 17 years now, primarily to Missionaries. During our first language class, my teacher and I were talking about communication problems encountered between foreigners and Filipinos. My teacher said a single statement that really clarified this issue for me. She told me that in any communication between people, it is not just the words that are traded between the individuals, but also the cultural background and understanding of those words that goes through. For example, when I have something to say to a Filipino, in English, what I say may have one particular and clear meaning to me, but it may mean something a little different to the person that I am talking to. The cultural background of the Filipino may be so different than my background, that the same statement has a bit of a different meaning, or understanding to the Filipino.
I am not sure if I am even explaining this adequately so that it can be understood. When my teacher explained this to me, it was so clear, but I am not sure that my words are clear enough to get the message across. I hope that my message can filter through my awkward handling of the subject, though, because when she said this, it was like a light bulb flashed in my head and things became very clear for me.
Anyway, based on this little conversation I had last week, I feel strongly that when we encounter mis-communications (whether we realize it or not), it is important that we give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and be understanding with them. After all, I feel that it is rare that they are actually going against what we have told them, they probably just didn’t understand it clearly enough. When I think about this, it makes me also realize it like this – if I were trying to speak with the locals in Bisaya, there would certainly be parts of the conversation that I did not understand clearly enough, and they may just wonder why I am not following what they told me!
Hi Bob,
I keep getting told off by my wife for one particular phrase I say a lot, its "If you want".
I use it often in the philippines when people ask things like "can I come with you", "can I see that", "can I try this", Can I borrow your whatever" etc.
I reply "if you want". To me it means yes, of course, if you like etc.
I have been told that I am being rude as to them it means something along the lines of "if you must but I am not happy about it!"
It's no big deal but as I am the foreigner it's up to me to try and fit in rather than make them change.
As for lying, well, some of the stories seem to get more exiting as they are passed on from one person to the next but lying is a personal thing that certain people do everywhere.
I have a lonely planet book on the phillipines, in there it says, "most filipinos will answer your question with a smile and a nod of the head, this could mean yes, no, or I have no idea what you are talking about"!
Regards
Phil
Hi Bob,
I believe it applies both ways. Filipinos must understand this as well. The country is much more diverse now and more visitors coming in. We pinoys also have to make an effort to understand these nuances as well or unintentional misunderstandings will be occuring more often.
Hi Bob,
Great article. Culture is a huge factor in miscommunication in my opinion. As an example, look at comment #4 by Mahdy in Feyma's Aug. 20 article, "Now That's Disrespectful."
Mahdy's first paragraph has the line, ". . . another example of crabby behavior."
I bet nearly 100% of Americans reading that will understand it to mean ". . . another example of GROUCHY behavior." Americans think crabby and grouchy mean the same thing. But they mean two entirely different things in Filipino English.
"Crab mentality" is a big cultural issue to Filipinos, and the typical American doesn't even know it exists, let alone recognize it when it is being referred to.
If I don't "keep my antennae up" constantly looking for clues that something is amiss, it is so easy for miscommunication to occur, and later still have no clue how things got so messed up. Maybe everyone speaks English, but American English is not Filipino English or British or Australian English. In Singapore the "first floor" means the first floor above the "ground floor." But to Americans that's the second floor. Americans think a "fanny" is the body part you sit on. Australians think "fanny" is a woman's "private parts."
It would be great for someone to make a "Filipino English" dictionary. I know I would buy it.
This is good insight from your teacher, Bob! I think it is always a good idea to assume the best about people, and as foreigners, assume that when there is a communication breakdown, it is our problem. What Phil quoted is true. People here will smile and nod, raise eyebrows, laugh and look interested, even when they don't understand what you are saying at all. People want to make you feel good and also don't want to bring any shame or embarassment to themselves. It is a short-range goal, if you are a stranger, so if you say something that ends with a questioning sound, they will say, "Yes Sir!" If you are asking directions and they have no idea what you want to know, they will often say, "Just that way, Sir" in an effort to pass you along to someone else.
I have done the same thing, actually. I have said, "Oo, tinuod gyud!" nodded and smiled in a conversation in which I was totally lost, wondering later what I might have agreed with. I didn't want to bring the whole thing to a halt and have them explain to be what I had missed.
A problem also arises when I try to give advice. I may think I understand the problem facing my friend, and give her advice on a course to follow. She will say, "Yes, Ate, thank you so much for listening to me and for giving me this good advoce. I will try to do that." But in reality, I don't have the whole picture, and the advice I have given may not be something she can actually do. I have learned not to follow-up on advice I have given, but just be friendly and affirming next time we meet, so she will not feel bad if she didn't do what I suggested. Maybe later she will tell me what she actually did, and I may learn what I missed..
I agree with your Filipino Language teacher when she says the cultural background makes a person percieve things differently and causes mis communication. Macky is right it applies both ways. Actually this apply to everyone who is from a different culture and goes to another place with different culture. My husband even says every State here in US almost have different culture e.g California and Mid US or Northern US and I notice it each time we cross country.
Phill, I wonder why my husband think I don't listen to him each time he talk to me. :evil:That book you mention and other similar book must have influence his perception. He bought one before we married and read it from cover to cover.
its called lost in transilation ,many languages and cultures have words that are the same but mean different things,ecspecially slang terms. like kevin says american english and british and austrailian english are not the same .
Hi Bob,
Your teacher was right when she said that “communication between people, it is not just the words that are traded between the individuals, but also the cultural background and understanding of those words that goes through”. To cite a good example for miscommunication is the ‘Sense Humor’. Humorous thing for American, British, Japanese, etc… may not be funny for us Filipinos and vice versa.
Hi Phil – I'm with you – "if you want" would be totally acceptable. I have not encountered a problem here with that, but I don't recall if I've used it or not. It sure appears that it is not culturally acceptable, doesn't it?
Hi Macky – I think that it is MORE on the foreigner's part to adapt, because we are the ones who are moving here into the culture. It is up to us to adapt when needed. Certainly a few thousand can adapt easier than 80 Million! Any participation in the adaptation by local folks would certainly be most welcome though!
Hi Kevin K. – Excellent example!
Hi AmericanLola – Been there, done that myself! I feel really good about my new teacher!
Hi Mahdy – Thanks for your contribution!
Hi Ken – Slang terms can be a real problem! No doubt about that.
Hi Teng – Oh yes! You are right on target about humor passing between cultures! It is often not funny once it moves to a different culture!
Bob,
A long time ago I was in a communication class and was told, the best way to communicate is after one person says something, the other person should repeat back what they thought was being said. ie. "I need you to go to the store to buy mangos" "You need me to go buy mangos for you at the store?"
There was also a saying taught to us… I know you understand what I just said, but you do not realize, what I said is not Necessarily what I meant.
I hope this makes it as clear as mud. hahahaha
Hi Bruce – Speaking of "clear as mud," do you know the origin of the phrase? I believe it should actually be "clear as mudd," and is related to the person who killed John Wilkes Booth, I believe his name was James Mudd or something like that. I have forgotten the whole tale, but I remember that it was quite interesting.
I totally agree with Macky, it has definately got to be a 2 way street
(and if people dont know what 2 way street means, it means both parties should make the effort)
Hi Bob – Sometimes misunderstandings occur in translation. For example. the use of the word stupid. When Jim and I were newly married, he said something like "oh don't be stupid". I was really offended because I translated stupid to be "lacking intelligence or common sense". So to get my own back I told him that if I wasn't stupid, I wouldn't have married him. In turn he got offended. We laugh about it now but then at that time I didn't know that it's just a common harmless British expression. I warned him though DO NOT ever use that expression in the Philippines.
Hi Marilou,
You go, girl! Burst out laughing on this one! I'll have to try that one out. My honey hasn't called me that yet (in 18 years?) but when he does, I sure know what to tell him! Good for you, girl. Sorry, Jim! 😆
Hi Steve – How are you doing? I understand we will be seeing you soon! On this issue, for me, I feel it is our responsibility to take a bigger step toward understanding. It is us who is coming to their country, after all!
Hi Marilou – Feyma and I have had similar mis-understandings over the years. As you say, we just make up, and after a while it's just something that we laugh about.
Hi Tina – Oh my! You are storing up ammo against Ken, just in case it's needed! Bad girl!
Bob,
Actually Mudd was a doctor and he helped John Wilkes Booth, henct the expression "Your name is Mudd"
Here is a link to the whole story http://members.aol.com/RVSNorton/Lincoln29.html
HI Bruce – Ah! That is right! I had forgotten the story, although I remembered the connection with the "your name is mud" story. Yes, the name "Mudd" got a bad reputation because Dr. Mudd helped John Wilkes Booth, and thus many people hated him!
Thanks for restoring my memory.
Hi Bob, hope all is well. Yes I will be back there in just a few days now. I am so looking forward to returning to the sunshine. Its got to be the worst summer here in England EVER !!
Oh and by the way Bob, I still think it should be a 50/50 thing with the communication – dont shout at me he he he.
Shhhhhh, Bob, I'm glad Ken doesn't read this blog or I'll be in DEEEEEEEP trouble! 😆 I'll be "incomunicado" for the rest of my life! 😆 We're friends, okay? 😆
Hi Steve – When you are back in Davao, we'll arm wrestle to settle the 50/50 argument!
Hi Tina – Just make a sizable deposit to my bank account – your secret will be safe, friend! 😆
Communication is such a complex aspect of the human experience, which was why I tried to stay away from this thread. There is so much ground to cover with regards to this subject.
To me, communication is much much more than the words spoken. It is also the "words not spoken," the pauses, the body language and gestures, the context in which words are used (sometimes the very same terminology can have different meanings depending on the context
in which it is used). And yes, with communication, we must consider all the other baggage that comes with the person, like culture, upbringing, education, etc.
Because of all the nuances of communication and how it can affect an outcome, I've adopted certain practices.
For instance, I typically would refuse to negotiate (ie, which involves a lot of communication strategies) on anything unless I can discuss it in person with the person. I don't want to miss out on all the other unspoken aspects of it.
Somebody here said repeat the statement back to the person. This is a very effective technique which I also use. I repeat the statement and I follow it up with… "Now that to me means blah, blah, blah… Do you agree?"
The more volatile/sensitive/difficult/complex (or expensive) the issue is, the more I would want to know ahead of time as much background information about the person(s)/parties as possible. This will take care of "framing" the communication style and content.
In a difficult situation, I try to sit on the same side as the other person. (Read the implied message: "we're on the same side of this issue…. We're not enemies here, I'm trying to see it from your point of view…"
This is more of a psychological framing and it can positively set the tone to my advantage. But I'm not necessarily selling out my position either.)
I also prefer to make the setting as comfortable and casual as possible. In my experience, people are more prone to give the information I want if their guard is down.
Example, years back, when we were ramping up on hiring for a startup company, I interviewed candidates by walking with him/her around the parking lot. Around and around and around thru rows of cars, talking, and exchanging information. This was the real interview taking place except it did not seem that way.
Though I didn't bring cars into the conversation, I took note if they made comments about them. What kind is it? Fast sports car? Conservative sedans? What color? What model? What manufacturer… (Read, they may like speed, this can also mean they can possibly be reckless , etc. etc. Or they like status symbol, the feeling of being with the "in" crowd. These tidbits can give an insight into a person's thinking process or decision making ability.)
It's amazing how much more forthcoming people are, in a casual setting. Contrast this with an invitation to the office. I am behind my desk and they sit in front of me. They are very well aware, they're in my territory. Their guard goes up… "this is a formal
interview. I got to be on my best behavior."
Watch out, they also have the best "canned answers" because they're ready to give you what they think you want to hear.
Okay, I think I've said a lot already. I thought I could avoid this topic. Apparently not 😥
Hi Angie – These are good tips! I'm glad you shared them!
Hi Bob,
Im not sure, but i thought that the " clear as mud, your name is mud, etc" sayings were British. As clear as mud, means here, literally what it says, " as clear as mud ", meaning not very clear. Your name is mud, means, " your name is not good" as in you have done something to someone. Of course I could be wrong.
So many of the sayings that you have in the US are English/ Scottish/ Irish/German sayings, which you have now made your own. We too have borrowed some of your sayings, in fact, I doubt there is a country in the world who can say differently.
Byee
Ian
Hi Bob, I like a good arm wrestle, am getting ready he he he