The Car, the Dongle and the Effluent all hitting me in a row this month, what could I possibly come up with to finish the month of July? Oh thee of little faith! July is the month I was born in, and this year I’ve completed another full trip around the sun my 66th. My birthday falls on the 13th which on this year was a Saturday.
The Tuesday before my wife (Mayang) reminded me by asking if I wanted a party, to which I politely declined, for no other reason than she has to work so hard putting it together. So I opted for a lunch with family and friends at Texas Joe’s Restaurant on the Subic Free Port.
Then Mayang asked if my driver’s license was up to date, and without checking I replied; “Honey, it’s fine!” You know that will come back to bite me on the hind quarter very soon. I made a few phone calls, and it’s all set for noon on Saturday my treat (I did that so my son-in-laws would be sure to show up) Naw I’m joking, I think! The rest of the week was uneventful, nice balmy days, a few cold beers in the afternoon and the next thing I know its Saturday morning. BTW to all of the LiP readers who are also Face Book friends thank you for the many Birthday Greetings, it is nice that FB reminds us, isn’t it!
I’m standing outside the house, waiting for the ladies to come out so we may depart, (Wow that was a first I ever had to do that) and I remembered the Driver’s License comment Mayang had made previously. Yes it (The License) expired at Midnight this very day. Oh by all that’s holy, spare me from the grief I will receive when that fact comes to light. But for now I’ll keep my mouth shut and enjoy the day. Oh sometimes you can be so wise Paul.
Texas Joe’s we all met, ate and had a great meal and a very good time, the food was of course great, but I won’t go all Face Book on you and tell you what we all ate. What if there were no Face Book, would rational people go out in public and tell other people what they had for any meal?
But I will tell you that if you must have anyone sing the birthday song to you, it couldn’t get better than Jinky and her four coworkers doing it, and yes there was cake and ice cream for me, that my Granddaughter Colleen ate with the able help from my Grandson “Little Dude’. The Management sent me a cocktail, sans a candle, and I really enjoyed that.
A most welcome and unusual birthday present was given to me by my friend Loren (On LiP his Non-de Plume is Big ”P”) it was an Apple Pie, fresh from the oven of his wonderful bride Mercer. A better gift I’d never received! It also explained why Loren is a stout fellow as the pie was great! So family friends pictures, and did I mention “Cocktails” It was a great day to turn 66. Albeit, I didn’t feel a day older than 65.
Now it’s Wednesday the 17th and time to deal with “The Drivers License” only four days expired and yes I had to fess up to Mayang that it was in fact expired, the gloating was endless. As you know sometimes when dealing with ANY driver’s license bureaucracy in the world, the pain can be insurmountable. I found that the mandatory drug test is no longer required, which made total sense to me, if it’s not a random test then what is the point? One should know it’s their birthday (Me excluded).But I’d love to meet the person who knew their birthday was coming up, and decided, well I’ve got to renew my license this week, so I think I’ll get high and study for the piss test! A real brain trust they would have to be.
So It’s’ just the medical exam that’s required now, I took a picture as I know there are some who believe that I make some of this stuff up, the medical office was named “McDonald’s, you should already know that I asked for a Big Mac as I came in the door, and they laughed, there could be no way that I was the first to say that!
Now they take my blood pressure, and I predicted it would be 120 over 80, but it was 130 over 90, so I looked at the girl, and said; “Well I must be excited to be here.” Next the eye test for color blindness, which you can’t be if you want to sail as a Merchant Marine or be in the Navy. But here is a tip I learned; I found that I could not read the screen sitting back where I had to sit to take the regular eye chart test. So I got up and went to the computer screen to get a closer look and passed. No one complained.
Now for the eye chart, the girl asked if I’d like to remove my glasses, and I did, then asked me to read the chart, which I didn’t do, She asked if there was a problem and I told her; “Yes young lady, I don’t have my glasses on.” I put them on and now covered my left eye and read the requested line, and then I covered my right eye, and by memory read the desired line once more. I told her that removing my glasses was equal to covering both eyes at the same time.
Off to Window ONE, and I’m the only one there; I hand in the paperwork and my freshly expired license and found that the lady was a classmate of Mayang’s sister and old friends from the HOOD, which was nice but had no bearing on what happened next. Because now I was playing musical chairs and the song was playing very fast, for as soon as I sat down I was called to the next window, seven windows in total, and all within 20 Minutes (Not counting the 15 Minutes in medical) I was OTD (Out the Door), new license in hand, good for another 3 years. So I’ll warmly say “Kudos” to each and every employee at the Philippines LTO Licensing Office in beautiful downtown Olongapo City on a job well done and carried out with courtesy and professionalism (I never in my life thought I’d ever say that) but when it’s right, its right.
Any person whether they be foreign or local, who fails to notice the vast improvements within the past few years in government service is not paying attention. So to the new folks, who have not experienced the old ways I say, please don’t gripe about it when you get here, it’s true you’re not in Kansas anymore, it is better now here and service is improving every day.
So when you hear those dreaded words; “NOT In Stock” just smile and think about that ice cold beer looming in your future, that item will be in stock next week, maybe? Do I worry about writers block, not yet, for as I’ve said before, something odd or unusual is waiting for me, just around the corner lurking and waiting for me.
Glad you had a great birthday Paul. I am just 6months and two weeks older than you and on my Sixty sixth birthday I found I felt no different either but then SM was involved also. Wish there was a Texas Joe’s here, It looks like a fun place to eat and the food looks good from the photos you and Big P have posted.
Joe;
I might be younger than you, but my head has already worn out two complete bodies!
Part of the success of Texas Joe’s is that the Filipino has discovered it, and love it also. 90% of the customers are now local Pinoy’s and visitors from Manila.
Happy Birthday again and great news about no drug test for the renewal. I renewed mine last year and the longest wait was to get a cup to pee in… 😛
Gary;
Plus the study time for the test. I was shocked and pleased as to how smooth and quickly it went.
Here’s a funny one, my Florida license was expiring in 1994, I could renew it online (I was in Singapore on a ship) but I had to appear in person at the Florida DMV to take my eye test (A catch 22 situation). That’s the year I got my first Philippine license, as it was cheaper than round trip airfare.
Happy Birthday and many more to come! Thanks for sharing your photos and description were very nice!
Jay;
Thank you for taking the time to comment, I’m glad you enjoyed the article.
I always enjoy your satire of expat Philippine life. Happy Birthday and may you have many more.
Marvin;
Satire? This is my everyday life! (LOL) But I enjoy everyday and wouldn’t trade it for a box of trained monkeys.
Hi Paul – Belated Happy B-day!!! OTD in 20 minutes? Wow! that faster than DMV here in California.
Jun;
I was thinking about my last trip to a stateside DMV in Florida and the long wait plus the unsmiling 300 pound bureaucrat behind the counter who came to work with an attitude, and I thank my Lucky Stars I’m in Olongapo City.
How about “Tags”, how long does it takes to get one there? High five for AAA, it takes only about 10-15 minutes as long as you’re a member. DMV maybe an hour or two.
Jun;
Once your car passes the smog test (The anal probe of cars) it’s very quick, ah such fond memories of Triple A.
I would suspect any new guys coming from the USA and complaining about the government services her being worse than in the USA. Services there have really deteriorated there in the last 10 years. Although I have not tried the welfare and food-stamp offices, they may be run better. Being a pale skinned guy I would expect denials and run arounds and please wait, maybe with out the please) in those offices. I do agree Jinky and the Cowgirls do a superb job of making a fellow feel older.
Loren; (Formerly known as BigP)
Stay out of the welfare line, the glue on the back of food stamps will turn you into a sniveling victim.
Jinky and her Cowgirl crew, make me feel better about being older! (lol) Sweet girls everyone.
Paul,
Papa Duck and Myself had a good laugh, especially describing your eye test. I can’t ever see you ever having writers block. It seems like something always happens in your life. Looking forward to getting back there. 9 more days and counting. Papa Duck is thinking of the cold SMB waiting in the future lol.
Hi Anne;
That’s looming in his future. (lol) Only 9 more days? Holy Camoly that is fast. Have a safe trip, and give us a call if you can get to Subic.
Paul,
We’ll be over there to see you in August sometime. Have some cold ones ready.
Larry;
Cold ones are easy to do, plan on it!
Image no. 4. Why do I know which one is Jinky?!!! Happy belated one, Paul. Wish I were there to shake your hand. And Jinky’s. LOL
Ooops, it’s image no. 3, but when blown up, it’s image no. 4.
John;
Jinky is an original cowgirl, who has worked her way up to shift supervisor, because not only is she pleasant to be around but she’s a smart young lady. We met her on our first visit and became friends after a few more times there. She reminds us old guys of our daughters.
John;
You had me checking image 3 and 4 myself, now I’m confused!
Hi Paul – Wife and I have to renew our driver’s licenses when we get back. Both expire while we’re here in the land of the Big PX, and I can’t find the LTO on-line driver’s license renewal web site. 😆 (of course, I’m kidding)
Paul;
Try Florida’s it about as good, as trying to renew online in the P.I., They don’t care if you’re late to renew as long as you bring cash.
Hilarious! Loved it
Victor;
Why thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Happy Birthday Paul,
Looks like you had a good one. I’d believe the McDonalds Medical even without the pic. I can just imagine the fun of telling someone of going to McDonalds for a check up. Another lesson about acquiring more Patience In The Philippines, for me, I’ll think about burgers at Jollibee in the future and maybe with a SMB chaser !
Bob, NY;
I thought the name was a hoot as I came through the door, but again I had to point it out to the employee’s because they didn’t see it. Maybe if it was named Jollibee’s they’d have got the joke a tad quicker. Ah Patiences be thy middle name.
Paul,
Happy b-day looks like you had a great time! Mine was on the 19th celebrated it for the first time with my filipino wife and step-daughter, They know how to make the day great especially since i hadn’t celebrated in the last 5 or 6 yrs.
Todd;
It’s funny how without those special people in your life, it’s just another day. So Happy Birthday to you Sir.
Paul, a very Happy Birthday to you and many more. I am only 9 days behind you, (july 22nd) but 6 years behind in age…i’m 60 today!! God bless you and yours….
Skip;
Happy Birthday too you youngster, the more we have the better off we’ll be.
This is what I’m talking about, if we knew each other on Face Book, I’d have known today was your birthday!
I agree with you that the LTO and other government activities have gotten much easier and better and quicker over the years. I guess technology has a lot to do with that. I still like to use the “fixers” at LTO. I have a guy down here who takes care of every thing. I drop off and sign what ever I need and come back the next day. One thing I have noticed down here is that the plate stickers seem to come in later. What ever, do not fix what is not broken. Thanks again for another pleasant article.
John;
Like you for getting tags years ago I also used the “Fixer” but here in my area (Olongapo) they have cracked down on them, and they are a vanishing breed. After my car got it’s Finger Wave at the smog testing place in June, we were at the LTO to renew the tags and it took less than 45 minutes. I can remember where that used to take hours or at least nine beers while waiting. Now it’s a one beer trip.
Yep things are much better now. About 10 years ago I had to have my car re registered again for two years because the LTO said their employees did not remit the payment to the office. I had official receipts. They said take or leave it. So most deffinetly things have gotten better.
John;
In 1997 I had to submit a letter to the LTO of “Change Color” it seems that if you paint your car it no longer is the correct car on the registration.. One month later I stopped by to pick up my paper work but the letter was still at the office. It seems that no paperworks will get to LTO Headquarters in San Fernando from Olongapo City unless a Kano pays the fare. So I asked if they wanted to ride the regular Victory Liner or the Air-Con’ed one. I got the paperworks the next week.
LOL
John;
Oh sure have a good laugh, until it happens to you! (LOL)
Ah, the wife was right. I hate it when that happens… but it happens all too often. 🙂 I’m glad you were able to get your license renewed. It’d be a shame to not be able to drive the new old Honda again. 🙂 LOL!
Scott;
As if an expired license would slow me down in the Philippine Islands. I drove for eight months here with a expired license, hey, I didn’t know until the traffic warden pointed it out, but it was no big deal to him.
Paul,
As the saying goes, “when it rains it pours, when it pours it rains”
happy double 6’s birthday
I’m having a commenter’s block…
Jonathan;
Commenters block! That was funny. As long as there is not a 666 birthday I’ll be alright. When it rains it pours? Well it is the rainy season. (lol)
Paul, if you do ever get writers block, there’s always food. You can always fill up an entire page talking about food.
Have you ever wondered why rabbit never really caught on in the Philippines? Its a cheap source of protien, they eat just about anything green, they’re easy to raise, their pelts are useful, they breed like…rabbits. The only thing you can’t do is fight them. Perhaps I just answered my own question.
Hudson;
Fighting rabbits, now that is something I’d pay to see. But remember the introduction of rabbits to the Island’s was through Bugs Bunny cartoons, and since Bugs could talk they thought he was another life form, I know I did, and to this day can’t eat rabbit. Or as you said it could be the non-fighting!