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Adjusting With Family!

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To all of you who are wondering how are you going to adjust to your family and friends when times to moved back here? I will tell you what I experienced. It was not easy though. When we first arrived here, we stayed at my mom’s house for a few weeks. My sister and her family was living there too. It was really crowded. We are waiting at that time for our rented house to be vacated by the owner.

While at my mom’s house I could tell already that my family felt uneasy and scared in talking to me. They said that I am totally different person before I left the Philippines to lived in the States. If I would tell them what I think, they would not like it. They think I’m mean. Just for example, I would go to the grocery store, when time for paying I would wait in line. While waiting suddenly somebody will just cut infront of me, then I would really tell that person that cut in to go in the back and follow the line because I was there first. For the people here, they will just allow that because they’re too shy to tell that person that they have to follow the line. I would say it in a nice but firm tone. In saying that they think I’m rude. It’s just new to them. Hey, if those people are in a hurry so do I.

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Don’t take me wrong. I still have communication with my family, they know that me and them has to do a lot of adjusting. I love them, I know they loved me and my family. It also help to lived a little distanced away from them. Lots of instances here that happened and my family will just keep quite, they think that they don’t deserved to say something. I encourage them to say what’s on their mind so that other people would know what they think.

Well, it might also different with my family being we grow up in a very small town. Everybody were just too shy to talked. Even now some of my family member still shy to talked to Bob. They say they can’t really speaks good english. It really bother me sometimes, because Bob really makes extra effort to communicate with them. He even tried to study on how to speak our dialect, he did learn some (GAMAY LANG). 😉  Hopefully my family will try harder to communicate with him.

I hope it help some of you a little bit. Good luck on moving back here.

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Feyma

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

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willie gary
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willie gary

I do not know where to beging except that i am anticpating going to live on mindanao. To be specific, kabacan. I try to keep up on the news with what is happening there in that area. Any suggestion as to how to prepare to come there and live. I know the family and they know me. How finiancially should i be prepare?

MindanaoBob
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Hi Bill – Thanks for sharing your thoughts! You have some interesting things to say. The slower pace of life here has been there in the past too, so why do you think things are changing now? I mean, why are people now tired of the rat race, and not 5 or 10 years ago? Just curious. Is it related to the financial crisis?

Thanks again for sharing!

Bob
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Bob

Hi Willie – I think you should read through this blog and get ideas from that. There is a lot of information here that would be useful for you. I have a question – are you Filipino, or a Foreigner? Are you familiar with Kabacan and that general area? When you say Kabacan, you mean Kabacan, North Cotabato, right? I have been there several times now, and I have no qualms about passing through the area. However, a lot of people advise that it's dangerous in that area. Have you really researched about Kabacan and decided that you don't have… Read more »

Yadni
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Yadni

Hi Feyma! I enjoyed reading your blog; we do have lots in common. My family are the same thing. My husband is a nice person but frank. I guess that's why they are shy or "afraid" to talk to him. Though I am close to my family, I felt that "small" distance between us. Actually, it was my husband that told me, that I changed, for better. He said, I'm more "confident". And I know it too. Living in the US, esp. in our case, I mean, like you and me; where we don't have family around us, it forced… Read more »

Bill
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Hi Bob: I agree that the "Rat Race" has been around for as long as anyone can remember. I know you've been in the Philippines full time for several years now, and I do believe things have gotten worse since then. I think it just reached a fevered pace over the last few years, so much so that it became physically impossible to "keep up", so to speak. It just got so bad that even two people working two or three jobs just couldn't keep up with the feverish pace of consumption that was expected from them by industry and… Read more »

feyma
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Hi Yadni- I could not agree you more. I'm sure your like me, I would not change anything. I like how I've grown and mature. It's hard for them to accept that. Anyway, thank you for reading our blog.

MindanaoBob
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Hi Paul – Indeed, our population of Pauls has doubled! Wow. 😯

I agree with you, in my experience, when most people start talking about moving to the Philippines, it is a fantasy, and it ends up fading. I have seen that many, many times.

stevo
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stevo

😆 I like that you wrote about adjusting to your family. Last year, my wife,son and I visited in Davao City, where we own a home. Anyway, my wife gets mad at me if I get mad. I know that the culture is different and I am a white American guy, but people being rude have to be told. If I'm standing in line a long time at Jollibee, and just when I am about to get waited on, some clown cuts in front of me, I have a right to get mad! This happens a lot! Hey, I'm nice… Read more »

LEA
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LEA

HELLO FEYMA AGAIN. .I FOUND UR COMMENTS ON READJUSTING TO THE FILS VERY INTERESTING.WHEN I LIVED IN MINDANAO I DID NOT HAVE A PROBLEM IN ADJUSTING BUT I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE THE DIFFERENCE. ALSO SOME OF THE WAYS OF LIVING WERE NOT SO UNLIKE THE WAY I GREW UP IN A SMALL COUNTRY TOWN IN AUSTRALIA.U HAD ALREADY TO ADJUST TO AMERICAN WAYS AND SO U BECAME USED TO THAT AND THEN READJUSTING WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE DIFFICULT TO DO BACK IN FILS COS ITS A LIFE WITH SOME THINGS LESS AVAILABLE THAN IN THE… Read more »

MindanaoBob
Guest

Hi chasdv – I was unaware of the number of Brits who have their eyes set on going to Australia! It does seem that the Aussie economy is weathering the crisis better than most other countries.

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