I have written about cultural adjustment many times on this site. As I have said, overall, I feel that I have become fairly well adjusted to living in the Philippines. It took a while, but I have come to accept the way things work here, the way people act, etc. These are things that are not better or worse than the way they are back where I came from, they are just different, and require adjustment on the part of any foreigner who chooses to live here. A couple of recent articles from other columnists on this site, though, have caught my attention, and made me think more about cultural adjustment.
Firstly, yesterday Klaus wrote a column about Cockfighting, asking for the opinions of other readers on how they felt about the issue. When you look at the comments, most people are against Cockfighting. But, Cockfighting is deeply ingrained into the Filipino culture. No matter how any of us try, we would never be able to eliminate Cockfighting from the Philippines. It would be like trying to stop Bullfighting in Mexico. It ain’t gonna happen!
Now, today, John Grant wrote a column about Christmas in the Philippines. Both Klaus and I left comments there, and based on what we wrote it is obvious to me that John, Klaus and I are all somewhat disappointed in the way Christmas is celebrated here, as opposed to where we came from. Klaus is from Germany, John is from the UK, and I am from the USA, so there are differences in each of our experiences back home, I am sure. Klaus has been here for 8 or 9 years now, John has been here off and on for several years, and I have been here for more than 7 years, so each of us has had time to adjust, yet we all seem to still long for Christmas the way it was back home. Why is that?
I know Klaus and John personally, and get together with each of them regularly. I know for sure that each of these guys (and myself too) are not ex-pats who just sit around and complain about the way things are here. As a matter of fact, I would consider each of us to be very Pro-Philippines, and genuinely thankful for the opportunity to live here. Yet, there are certain issues where each of us have still not adjusted. You know, even after living in the USA for 10 years, I know that Feyma still longed for Christmas in the Philippines.
So, my conclusion today is that we can all make many adjustments in our lives and in our attitudes. We can adopt new ways of life, new customs, etc. Yet, in each of our lives there are things that we simply cannot make a full adjustment to. Things that are deeply rooted in us, and deeply important to us – things like Christmas, or other important things in our life – are areas where we can probably never fully adjust. I suppose that the lesson for everybody is that rather than forcing ourselves to adjust or act like we’ve adjusted, we should just accept that we are different, and on some things we will always be different.
I have said often in the past that although I try to fit in here, I am not Filipino, and never will be Filipino. I am pretty sure that John and Klaus will also not suddenly become Filipino either. It’s not bad, though… variety is the spice of life!
Hi Bob, you are totally right. Sometimes adjustments could take years and years. My wife stayed in Germany almost 16 years, but, there always "things happened", where she would say, "I never adjust at this or that". Regarding my first Christmas write up: visit my blog tomorrow and enjoy reading".
Personally: many people told me, that I act more as a Filipino then a German. I don't know, if it's true. Anyway, I never lost my "German temper" 🙂 , but maybe I seem to act as a Filipino, because I tried my very best to adjust.
Hi Klaus – People also tell me that I am more Filipino than most Filipinos are! I always chuckle when I hear that, though.
Temper? I've never seen you mad before!
For me, I think it's best for us to just accept that on certain things, we will never adjust! There is nothing wrong with that, either!
I'll be watching for your column tomorrow. 🙂
Am looking forward to another Christmas in the Phils. There are some elements of Pasko that are similar to customs my family enjoyed when I was quite young (with my immigrant grandparents). Reliving them in the islands is a pure joy. 🙂
The cost for such enjoyment will be missing those familiar American customs that were a much larger part of my life, and sharing them with friends and family in the States. Just like the cost of air fare back to the Phils, its a price I'm willing to pay. 😉
Along with celebrating the hols, we'll be attending a wedding, participating in a medical mission, enjoying our town fiesta the week after Christmas, visiting some retiree buddies in the Subic area, and, yes, taking in a cockfight at a rather large arena two towns over (was invited by local friends, so not attending would be a social faux pas and possibly an insult). 🙄
Hi Paul – It sounds like you are in for a nice holiday trip! Enjoy!
I've had several times where I have been asked if I am PhilAm. I've tanned quite a bit since I have lived here and I guess I fit in well with the locals.
What is it you miss most about christmas in the States? This will be my first Christmas over here so I don't really know what to expect… I know there won't be a turkey dinner this year but oh well when in Rome…
Hi Bob- Christmas in the Philippines is now every bit commercial as it is in the western world. To me christmas is all about family and friends and giving. Since its been a longtime since I have last seen snow at christmas here in the UK I won't miss that when we come to reside permanently. What I do enjoy most about christmas in the UK or in our house is all sitting down together to eat our diner now there will be a challenge for me and Marilou as most folks in the Philippines eat buffet style at festive ocassions. What I don't like about christmas in the Philippines is " Pasko Joe" everywhere I go for the whole of December I can really do without that. Otherwise I just love christmas in the Philippines especially the weather compared with the UK, incidentally all the leaves have gone from the trees here and its becomming much colder.
Louis-Turkey is available if you wish.
Traditional Christmas in Queensland Australia: prawns (not shrimp) for lunch, maybee visit some family members, share a barbeque, maybee a trip to the beach for a surf or swim, the temperature about 35C. A bit different to northern hemispere Christmas.
Bob,
With my family living all over the US for many years, I had not experienced a family Christmas for many years while I was living in California. When I moved to Florida, with my mom, Aunt and Uncle living near each other, I thought "Great, family holidays"
Well, my aunt passed away about 6 years ago and my uncle passed last year. My mom has a Boyfriend for about 8 years now and his family has become more important than her own.
The past few years I have been invited to the Boyfriends kids house for most holidays, but it is not the same. It is someone elses family.
Last Christmas and New Years I was with Elena and her family. WOW, Christmas with all the family was my life long dream. I did not eat the Dinugo-an, but all the rest of the foods were great. New Years is different as in the US a couple would go out to celebrate or have a party with friends instead of a family gathering. But for me, I love her family so much, it was a nice evening. And guess what??? I get another Christmas, New Years, and every other holiday in the Philippines starting soon. My job posibility fell through, so in a few weeks, here I come.
Hi Louis – I miss the whole atmosphere of Christmas and the Holidays. One of the things I really miss is when you're walking down the street, or in the mall, and you just say "Merry Christmas" to people walking past you, and they say the same. Even the cashiers at the stores here don't wish you a Merry Christmas most of the time (or ever?). It's just a totally different atmosphere.
Hi Jim – I agree about the commercialization, but that is not what I am really talking about. A colder weather Christmas would be nice too, but I've already adjusted my expectations on that. I know what you mean about the "Pasko Joe" thing. No matter where I go, I hear – "Joe, where is my Christmas?" I can live without that, although, I suppose it can only be expected from people of such poverty.
Hi anthony – Ha ha… yep, it's a little different than what I grew up with! 😆
Hi Bruce – I understand what you are saying about family Christmas and holidays. You are right about New Years, basically everything here is closed for New Year's Eve.
Bob- Things must have been very different on the west coast. Where I'm from if anyone ever said merry christmas to me I'd have thought they were nuts. Last christmas the only thing decorated was the private houses and everything has taken on a "buy, Buy, BUY!" aura. So if someone over here doesn't wish you a Merry Christmas, be it a person on the street or a cashier, wish them a Malipayong Pasko anyway, it's what I try to do.
Hi Louis – Hmm… that surprises me a lot. Where I came from, people regularly greeted each other on the streets and such during the holidays.
Must be a west coast/east coast thing. I lived in my apartment for 3 years and didn't even know or see my neighbors until the blizzard of '03 dumped 38" of snow on us. We got a group together and hand dug the road because the plows wouldn't come up or street. Anyone who thinks I will miss snow is kidding themselves. Now I could do with a cold spell every so often 😆
Hi Louis – Yeah, in the west we also don't know our neighbors. What I was saying was that even people who don't know each other greet each other on the street or in the mall during the holidays. 😀
I'm rather surprised by this thread as Last Christmas was one of the nicest I've had in years because I spent it there rather than here in NY. Maybe because I was in a more remote area (Maramag, Bukidnon) I found no commercialism, especially compared to the debauchery Christmas has become here in NY. NO ONE here says Merry Christmas anymore for fear of "offending" someone and triggering a lawsuit. From the moment I landed in the Philippines, I started hearing "Merry Christmas" from everyone. The airline even gave out Christmas presents (a very pretty calendar).
It was truly refreshing celebrating Christmas with my future in-laws, there were no presents exchanged, no fighting (literally) crowds first for a parking space, and then to try to get what you want to purchase. We went to Mass at midnight of Christmas Eve and then spent time together enjoying the feast they had prepared. We slept a few hours and resumed the feast, spending the day together as a family. It was lovely. My fiancé and I walked to the local park and without fail; everyone we passed exchanged Merry Christmas greetings with us. Maybe it’s different in the cities?
Hi DanJP – I think that the Philippines is like any other country – every city is different. For instance, what you describe in NY is much different than where I came from on the West Coast (WA state). Just like that, things vary here by City.