Over this past weekend, I read an article on one of the blogs that I try to keep up with called “Dumb Little Man”. The article was entitled “How To Design Your Circle of Friends” and it got me thinking about friends, expats and living in the Philippines.
Why would such an article make me think about living in the Philippines? Well, it did because I know a number of other expats here who seem to feel that any time that they see another foreigner in the mall or along the street, that person should be their friend. I don’t feel that way. In fact, some of these people that I know feel downright offended if the foreigner that they see in the mall doesn’t run over to talk to them and meet them. Personally, I don’t see things that way.
I mean think about it. If you were back in your homeland where you came from and you went to the mall wearing a blue shirt, would you feel the need to go talk to every other person wearing a blue shirt in the mall? Certainly not, that would be silly. Why should we feel that we need to go talk to every foreigner that we see? The truth is that most foreigners that I do meet turn out not to be people that I would be interested in being friends with anyway.
Don’t take me wrong, if somebody comes and says “hi” to me, I always stop and talk to them, be they foreigner or Filipino. But, I don’t make a habit of watching for every foreigner and running to catch up so I can meet him. I do sometimes say hi to other foreigners that I don’t know, but it takes more than just the fact that they are a foreigner for me to do so. If I can see, based on what they are doing, or something about them, that we have something in common, I will certainly say hi, and make some friendly talk with them. For example, I used to live in the Portland, Oregon area and I am a Trailblazer fan. If I saw a foreigner in the mall and he was wearing a Trailblazer shirt, I would probably say something like “Hi, how are you, and hey, how about them Blazers?” Why? Because we obviously have something in common other than just being a foreigner, and that is that we like the Trailblazers.
I find that many of the foreigners that I do meet are much different than I am and have different interests. Maybe they are here to chase the girls. I have no problem with that, but it’s not what I am interested in, I already have the girl that I want. Whatever it is, I often find that if I do meet a foreigner, we don’t have that much in common. No problem, but it also means that we probably don’t have enough in common to bond closely or enjoy a close friendship.
I choose my friends based on mutual interests, not the color of their Passport. I have foreign friends and I have Filipino friends too. If we have common interests that we can share, then we can usually strike up a nice friendship, and we both enjoy it. But, if our interests are very far apart, and all that we share is the fact that we are foreigners, well, we probably won’t enjoy hanging around with each other very long.
What do you think? Is the color of your passport, or the color of your skin enough to mean that you should be friends? Or, like me, do you need more to be friends?
I pick my friends by the quality of their coffee!
Ha ha… I forgot to include that one, Steve! 😉
my friend needs to show me the quality of his coffee.
Hi macky – Ah shucks!! You missed out. I already gave up the coffee hobby.. too much work!
How about we get together for a cup of coffee soon though? Maybe some durian coffee?
Bob, Were you still roasting in a skillet when you quit? That would probably be to much work for me too.
Hi Steve – Yeah, I was still pan roasting. Hmm… maybe I should buy a roaster, that would take the work (and the heat) out of it. 😀
you gave it up? that’s news to me.
sure, a cup of coffee would be good. i’m around your neighborhood practically every morning (metro gym). just let me know.
Hi macky – Yep, the roasting is big work, and I got tired of it. I might start again, though, can’t be sure! Let’s meet at Bo’s one morning next week, since it is in the same building. What time/day is good for you?
Hi Bob;
A friend is just that, simply put, a “friend”, not an acquaintance or someone you know and like. And who they are, or where they’re from, for some reason that just doesn’t matter to me. Here in my area I know many people, and for the most part they are great guys, but not true friends. I am not smart enough to define true friends, but I am smart enough to know when they really are.
I’ll nod and smile when I pass a foreigner on the street if they catch my eye, I’ll also do the same with a host national in the same situation. I am further not offended by the person who looks down or away to avoid eye contact, as that is their right to do so.
I have a couple of close friends here, and I treasure them.
You are a wise man, my friend! What you say makes a lot of sense, and people should read this.
Here in Dumaguete where I am visiting now there is a large expat population consisting of mainly European and Americans with some Koreans and Austrialians thrown in. I tend to socialize with Americans as we have a home country in common and we like to discuss the issues occuring there. At the same time we also discuss to a smaller degree issues concerning our lives here in the Philippines. Most of us do not have filipino friends as most of us have nothing in common with most that we meet. It’s not that we don’t try it’s just that there is not much interest on both sides. I say yet again it has to do with education, culture, money, experience which unfortunately most filipinos don’t have. Probably the only Filipinos I can have a semi intelligent conversation with are those that have or are working or living abroad. Bob regardless of what anyone says on this board you are an exception with your relationships with Filipinos.
Hi richard – To be honest, I don’t understand how you can live in the Philippines and not have Filipino friends! In fact, I don’t understand why you would even want to live in the Philippines if you don’t like Filipinos so much. It just doesn’t make sense to me. My other expat friends also have at least some Filipino friends too, so I am not sure I am a big exception.
I never said I don’t have Filipino friends. For the record I have quite a few but again most are from the upper eschelons of society, highly educated, cultured, monied, but even those others not monied are for the most part most are well educated or have traveled abroad and there is some common ground for discussion. I seee them when I go to Manila. BUT! Don’t beat me up becasue I haven’t been able to find others and it is not for trying. For the record, there are many Filipinos who don’t like us foreigners and want nothing to do with us for one reason or another. We are (stereotyped) womanizers, boozers, buying up their country, think we are better, whatever. Works both ways. Anyway I live in the Philippines because I am more disenchanted with my own country and more comfortable here. I enjoy the laid back lifestyle here, playing my golf, the overall attitude of the filipino people is great exuding warmth and hospitality and many other reasons. I am not running away from anything, I have money……. I have a lovely wife who is a dual citizen before I even met her and well educated. I have traveled this country from north to south east to west and I know this country very, very well so please stop the judging. Hey I don’t associate with FOX news channel. I would venture most of you probably DO!!!!!!!!! not good to be judgmental on either side I am thinking
Hi Richard – I don’t think I was being judgmental of you, just responding to what you said. If you think I was judging you, I am sorry, but you are incorrect.
OK, you are right, you did not specifically say that you do not have Filipino friends, but you did say (when talking about you and your friends):
So, I assumed that you included yourself when you said that.
Of course, most of my Filipino friends have more money than the masa. Of course, they tend to have more education. That’s just natural given the places I go and circles that I fall into, it is only normal that the people I meet would have those qualities. But, they are not the “super rich” (although I do count a few friends in such circles).
Yes, some people here stereotype us foreigners, and they are wrong for doing so.
I really don’t know or understand what Fox News has to do with who your friends are. Hey, I like Fox News, or I used to when I could watch it. These days, it is not on the Cable here, so I have not seen the station in 5 years or so, but what does that matter? We get Disney Channel, but I don’t watch it, does that have an impact on who my friends are? Not really, I suppose.
Well then we are not so far apart as to the types of people we may socialize with. You also have more friends because you have done a great thing and made an effort to learn the language which no doubt opens up so many more interesting people to you. I wish I could do that as well but am unable to.
Hi richard – learning the language is very important to me. It makes for a happier life, and for some interesting adventures in daily life. However, learning the language would not be the key to being able to meet friends of the type that you are looking for. Being able to speak the local language will enable to you befriend more of the common man. The kind of people you enjoy hanging out (based only how you describe the people that you enjoy being with) with already know how to speak English, and I would say, are quite comfortable with it.
🙂 Hello Bob, I don’t know Bob if you are aware that the people who watch Fox news are stereotyped into certain kind of demographics, or political leanings.
Hi roy – Yeah, I am aware of that. I think it’s pretty ridiculous, though…..
The intellectual snobbery of the “elite” is quite amusing. 😯
hi bob,
is the saying “birds with the same feather flocks together” makes more sense why many foreigner wont be friend with the locals?
Hi dans – Maybe it should be “birds with the same color passport flock together” or something like that. 😆
eschelons? Is that a kind of melon?
I think it’s more of a vegetable, isn’t it? 😆
Hmmm … yes, that could be it. Nothing in “common” …
Richard, I’ll be happy to grant that Bob’s an exceptional guy, he is that indeed. But he’s hardly exceptional in that he has many Filipino friends.
I have way more Filipino friends than foreigner friends … not by choice but by the fact that 90% of the time when I meet a foreigner for the first time he wants nothing more than to (sometimes loudly) rattle off all the reasons he’s superior to the “F-ing” Filipinos, how many times they’ve cheated him and why he can’t stand it here.
Many will even talk this way in front of my wife, expecting her to shut her trap and be a good little meek, submissive “Filipina wife” which they assume to be her “place” in this world. Sadly, this is the sum total of a great many foreigner encounters I’ve had … even before I moved to the Philippines.
Apparently, there are a lot of foreigners living here who haven’t the money for an air ticket out … or maybe they are ‘dodging’ something back home, I don’t know. Frankly, I’d be damned if I’d stay in a place I hate, voluntarily, but many foreigners I meet seem to. Perhaps that makes me ‘exceptional’ as well.
Many people seem to stay here just so they can hold themselves above the “common” folk, especially with their bank accounts.
Thinking the situation through, I guess it has a lot to do with the fact I myself an quite uneducated, certainly uncultured in many ways and not very dang rich either. A graduate of the School of Hard Knocks and little else.
Maybe I like it here because I’ve hit bottom? Perhaps I’ve been reduced to the lowest “common” denominator?
Hi Dave – You know, I just cannot understand how somebody could live in the Philippines and not have Filipinos among his circle of friends! I wonder, why live in the Philippines if a person doesn’t like Filipinos? But, as you said in your comment, perhaps they are stuck here with no money to go home. Perhaps they are dodging something back home. Whatever the reason, it seems like it would be a lonely and sad existence.
Good for you Dave. And what you say is absolutely correct and yes there are many foreigners here who bitch and complain endlessly and others who can’t find two pesos to rub togerther. Many bring their problems with them. But all I can say is the manjority of the Americans (can’t speak for others) that I have met don’t have many ir any Filipino firends. What can I say. I guess if you live in the deep province then you may have more filipino friends or you would end up talking to yourself. But my experience says most don’t and where I am right now reflects that and anyone could see it. I would even be so bold as to ask Bob to go into Bo’s coffee or any social place for that matter and I would suggest that he would find most expats hang together. Yes there are thousands of expats that never probably never go out or socialize with other expats and perhaps that segment has more filipino friends. I can only go by what I see in PUBLIC!!!!!!!!
Hi richard – I go to Bo’s Coffee Club fairly regularly. I have met and talked with Expats and also Filipinos there. I have seen plenty of foreigners there with Filipinos.
That is so funny. I have gone to Bo’s everyday (usually around 9 – 10am) for practically one year straight (last year) and never saw that except for Expat Males with Filipina or those doing business with Filipinos. I guess timing is everything hahahahaha Also Cofee Kats and Blu Gre from time to time and the same.
Hmm… I see this all the time at Bo’s (both Davao locations), Blugre and other places. Don’t short change “doing business” with Filipinos, that is an excellent way to make friends who have similar interests!
Hi Richard, I’ve made a choice to live in the province with the thought in mind that I wanted to distance myself from the many foreigners living in Cebu City. For me, money, education or a worldly background is not really my criteria for friendship with a person, be it here or in the States, so I guess I have had an easier time making local friends. They are still very satisfying ones though.
Nice topic Bob. The only thing I can contribute is that I spent many nights in the Rose Garden (showing my age) watching a certain guy named Walton. Who would have known you also. Ron
Hi Ron – Ha ha… well, Bill Walton is a bit before my days of being a Trailblazer fan! But, I have spent many an hour in the Rose Garden, and also in the Coliseum before the Rose Garden was built! 😀
Hello Bob, I also feel that who I have as my friends is determined by the person and how they relate to other people.Not just because they are not born in the Philippines. Also thank you for having me as your friend. I am sending this from Torrance ,CA. Norma and I are visiting the US .Will be back in Bohol June 1st.
Hi Ralph – I am happy to count you and Norma in my circle of friends, I hope we will be able to see each other soon! I’m glad you caught my article today, as I was thinking about you when I chose the photos that I put in the article! I was wondering if you would catch the site today to see your picture! 😆
Have a great time in California!
Torrance – my hometown!!
Funny. Torrance is my home town. Sort of. I was born there, but do not remember it.
Hi Bob – I think that some folks who don’t have or desire not to have Filipino friends need to get “out and about” – out of the Philippines and about now! 😆
btw, a while back while working for a big, international accounting firm, we’d have “blue shirt ___days” – different days of a week when you’d come to work and discover that purely by coincidence a majority of your coworkers were wearing a blue shirt just as you were. If more than 2/3 of your project team came to work wearing a blue shirt on, say, Tuesday, someone would call out “Blue Shirt Tuesday” and those in blue shirts would go out for lunch together “on the firm’s dime.” Others in different colored shirts that day could only groan, “I didn’t get the memo.” 😆
Ha ha.. I like that, Paul – “out and about”. I’m gonna have to remember that one, I’m sure to steal it and claim it as my own!
Hmmm… blue shirt days? Were they all supporting the same political candidates? 😯
Maybe supporting the same labandera! 😀
Ha ha… the labandera brigade, a very important group!
I would just wear a blue shirt everyday =P
That’s probably the way to go, Gary!
Hi Bob, In our town in the province, there are only a few foreigners that I’m aware of–mostly Europeans, but they seldom venture out and I’ve never met them. Also, I’m kind of a solitary person and have a lot of hobbies, so I’m rather selfish with my time. Having lived with my husband in the US and having spent a lot of time with him, he’s great company as we have a lot in common, and havea shared stake in the dream living out our days in the Philippines.
I don’t have the desire to seek out other foreigners just for company and to pass the time. That was one of the thrills for me in considering living in a foreign country–trying to seek out happiness and comfort from the Filipino people around me, and finding a commonality with them, be they just local neighbors, relatives, friends that I’ve known a long time, or friends that I’ve meet through shared interests.
In order to have foreigner friends, I’d have to consider them as friends, but not just acquaintances looking to “vent” or to be “propped up” by me, or just sharing kinship because we’re
Anyway I think I’m a little quirky too, and being a woman, I might not be many foreigner’s cup of tea anyway…
I’d have to say though, that in reading what some writers and contributors from this site have to share, I think I could see myself being friends with many of them, but not just because they’re foreigners, but because they seem to share many of my thoughts, hopes and dreams.
Hi queenie – I think you and I think alike. The way you describe yourself is something I could easily write about myself.
Thanks, friend!
Absolutely! 😉
I feel the same as you Bob. I can guess why it is like this though. I have a Filipina friend in Australia who said Filipinos usually say hi in malls. Once she saw a family, and they didn’t say hi, and she felt offended. I am assuming its a minority characteristic. I’ve seen this with African Americans back home, as well as Asian Americans online. I guess it gives some sort of comfort in an uncomfortable situation of no relation to culture or whatever they might feel.
Me, basically all my friends here, except you, are Filipino. I have the friends around my age (ones I met online and ones in church) and then friends who are guards. Me and the guards see eachother everyday, so we are some-what close.
I do feel an urge to talk to foreigners though. Its the same kinda urge I had back home when I saw foreigners in SC. This is because I am curious of why they are here. Then it kinda feels good to have someone knwo South Carolina (kinda pride feelin), but I know Filipinos who know about where I am from, so it ain’t just a foreigner thing. As for my curiousity, I just wanna know their reason of being here. Mainly I am curious when I see someone younger. I never walk up and talk to them though because I am afraid. I fear 2 things; being un-welcomed to talk to, causing embarrassment to me and annoyance to them.. and fear of complaints or perverted comments that make me uncomfortable (situation like that, I dunno how to respond. I don’t say anything to argue and I take it as it is, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable).
Hi Jawz, That’s funny–when I’m back in the US and I see someone who I think is or might be a Filipino, I mostly can’t resist asking them about themselves and making a shared Philippine connection. I’ll ask them where in the Philippines that they’re from, and when they’ll be going back etc. If I’m with my husband, he generally doesn’t share my enthusiasm, but for me the connection makes me so happy and I always get a nice response in return from the people I talk to. Oh well, people here have told me that I’m really a Filipina anyway, and I guess sometimes I’m truly happiest feeling that way too.
Hey Queenie –
I’m curious, have you ever considered obtaining Philippine Citizenship, or is it something you would consider. I have thought about it myself.
I don’t think so Bob. I’m very content and happy in the Philippines, but I admit that still carry a strong sense of American pride and identity inside of me, which I would hate to part with. It’s where I was born and raised and where my outlooks were formed, and although I choose to live here for the rest of my days, I still feel that I couldn’t let go of it. Maybe after more years in the Philippines, I’ll feel differently and it will no longer matter to me, but right now it still does.
Hi queenie – I can certainly understand that, and I don’t blame you for your feelings. A few years back I felt the same. Now, I am starting to waver a bit, though.
Hi Jawz – I don’ think you should be scared to approach people if you want to talk to them. One way to avoid any embarrassment would be to walk toward them and look at them in the face. If they look back at you and want to talk, they will show it in their face. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to you if I see you approaching! 😉
There are friends and close friends. Pick both wisely:).
Sage advice, Bob!
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.
Add a HUGE 😆 to that last one!
I suppose, though, Paul, that it depends on just how close you and your friend are! 😯 Ha ha
How close? I’d imagine at least standing right along side. 😆
Bob when I lived in Manila I only ever had Filipino friends… though I did meet you and John once… does that count ? 🙂
I lived in the Phils to meet Filipinos and find out about the culture…. I have to be honest that I made no attempt to speak to other foreigners… if they said Hi or chatted to me then I would respond no problem.
I had a bad experience in CDO, an American guy chatted with me for some time in a fast food place, told me how he had killed 11 men during a war and in the USA (scary)then he decided to walk with me towards my hotel, his girlfriend walked 5 yards behind at all times and if any Filipino got in his way he physically pushed them away and cussed at them… I made my exit asap. 🙂
Yikes, gerry, that experience in CdO doesn’t sound good at all! I think I’d be with you, exiting the scene as quickly as possible! 😯
My wife says I look like a bombay (Indian). Must be my suntan and generally darker complexion. Anyway, maybe this is the reason Filipinos and I fail to connect LOL. Apparently according to my wife, Filipinos don’t like Indians in general as many are in the profession of money lending. I shall try harder to make some friendships with Filipinos as a person can never have too many friends unless they all want to come over for dinner at the same timne.
Hi richard – About 6 or 7 years ago, I had one friend here in Davao that I was very close with. I had maybe half a dozen or ten other friends who were all expats. I had maybe 1 or 2 Filipino friends, or perhaps none, I can’t recall for sure. When New Year day came around, I made a resolution that I was going to do my best to make some Filipino friends that year, and also to increase my friendship with other expats aside from the one that I was very close to. Since that time, I have indeed had a lot more friends, and of a more mixed group. So, deciding to do it, and trying hard to do it is a big key.
Hi Bob
You have to be acquainted with someone before you can become friends, otherwise you would never find out if you get on our not. I met people over there who I hope will become close friends as we meet up more. We enjoyed each others company even though someone needed to translate for us. But I found the younger members of the family were happy to do this.
They are not rich by any means. There are people who you just have an instant rapport and this often leads to close friendship.
Looking forward to our next visit
Marjorie
Very true, Marjorie. It takes a while, a bit of “dancing” if you will to decide who will be a real friend!
Bob Martin not always saying Hello to a foriegner ? Well maybe not in shopping malls but didn’t you recently tell us about your version of the ” Hey Joe ” routine. I am still laughing about that one Bob. Good Show !
Ha ha… I say hi and talk a little if they approach me, Bob, I just don’t run and seek them out! 😆 Ha ha… yeah, I do the “Hey Joe” thing from time to time too. 😉
As seems to be typical of your articles, Bob, this one is most thought provoking. Though I found it difficult to become “friends” with Filipinos, when I lived in Davao, trying to get past that wall of formality of being treated like royalty & where superficial questions, such as, “What can you say about the Philippines”, were the norm, I soon realized that the central difference I found between meeting/becoming friends with foreigners & Filipinos was that; foreigners are easy to befriend, but sometimes, you wish you’d taken a bit more time to assess their character, whereas, true friendship with a Filipino takes much work, yet, can be a lasting bond with no heavy demands placed on it.
Though most of my Filipino friends were/are of stature – simply the result of what I was doing when there & who found a twenty-something Canadian an interesting enough person to meet & invite to functions -My best friend, much to my in-laws’ chagrin, is a poor, high-school educated bayot(bakla), who calls him/herself “Paula”. Why? Paula has never asked me for anything, other than to find “her” a good Canadian man(lol), Paula can out-sing any Filipino, Paula has a tremendous sense of humour, braved a boat ride, along with my wife, to find and collect me when I was injured – despite being deathly afraid of water – and visited me everyday when I was in the hospital being put back together. THAT is a friend!
I’ll chat with any Filipino or foreigner who wishes to, as acquaintances are good to have & friendships must start with “the dance”, as you so eloquently put it. But I do not want acquaintances whom feel that they can arrive at my home at any hour, unannounced, unless they have an emergency that requires immediate assistance. As I have been “burnt” by both, Filipinos and foreigners, in the past, I can see a manipulation coming “a mile away”. Still, I welcome all, as I do in my country of citizenship.
Btw, thanks for a previous article on citizenship! My wife is currently arranging her dual citizenship & I have received my paperwork for the same status. So, if this will make me eligible to vote in The RP, I wonder, how many bags of rice do I get to support candidate X, these days?(lol)
Mike2
Hi Mike – Ha ha… that’s an interesting comment. To be honest, I never had a Filipino bakla friend before. I have a few gay expat friends, but not Filipinos. Oh, hold on… I guess I do have one after thinking about it. Ha ha…..
My friend Bartle Quinker says: Friendship: A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
Hi Roberto – We’ll hope for fair weather then!
Bob
“Friend” I think that term is thrown at people way to often, the term acquaintance probably fits more than we all realize.
I personally don’t label many people as “Friends” most people cant commit to a real Friendship.
Think about it,most people we label as Friends, ignore you, make excuses, and turn away if you ever need support(not$$)or even if you need someone to sit down have a beer and just talk to when you are having difficult times in your life.
I will say I have NO “Friends” here, but rather what seem to be a bunch of GOOD people that I have something in common with and someday I would like to meet and maybe make “Friends” with.
Hi Neal – I would tend to agree with your assessment. And, you are right, real friendship requires commitment from both parties.
The main reason I will soon be retiring to the Philippines…..Are the local people…..I am sure to have some American friends….But its the Philippine people I want to be around…My wish is to live like a local person….Some expats seem to look down their nose at anybody that is not an American….That is wrong IMO ….Expats who think like that should just stay in America…..I will be there later this year…To marry my long time filipina girlfriend…..And live a life ….. with a much slower pace….and more happiness than I could have ever thought possible…..That is until I found the Philippines…And the people who live there
Hi Mi$ter dinar – Enjoy your retirement!
Hi Bob,
I am very lucky to be able to count a few of my wife’s relatives as my friends. I also have a Swedish friend here in the barrio. What is nice about my friendship with the Swede is that we enjoy learning about each others cultures and perceptions. I think that Americans become very rich intellectually if they have a chance to understand the veiwpoints of others. I’m afraid that I fall into the Fox news demographics because I worked hard and paid my taxes. I think that maybe grouping people like that is an attempt by the other media to dethrone the number one news channel. I am happy now that I don’t get Fox news because I always had an unsettled feeling about the state of the nation. Ignorance is bliss!
I think my only bias when meeting foriegners are with the very wealthy and with couples that have huge age differences. Usually the behavior of either makes me ashamed to be white by association. I am sure there will be some negative responses to that comment but like I said it is my bias. Everyone has them.
I will be in Davao next Wednesday on the way to Paradise Island. I hope that if you see me you will not avert your eyes. Sorry I’m not a trailblazers fam so Go Jets Go!
Hi Tom – I have often found that the “very rich” are also very down to earth. The people that act in embarrassing ways are often those who want others to think they are rich, or are only “in the money” for the time being.
Hey, if you are passing through Davao, I’d enjoy meeting you. If you have time, give me a call, my cell is (0915) 216-0300. Maybe we could meet for a cup of coffee or something.
Jets? I didn’t know they played basketball! 😆
Hi Bob,
I agree there are exceptions. I have met and actually worked for a few wealthy men. One was a multimillionare who had only a second grade education. He was a colorful character to say the least. I guess I was refering to the grey poupon crowd. If our time is not too pressured I would love to meet you either on the way there or on our return trip. We will have our Swedish friend and his wife with us. I think that you might enjoy meeting them also.
I have never been a basketball fan as I am a bit vertically challenged (5’7) but I love the NY Jets. I made it a point to attend a couple of games with my children before I left the US. It was really a neat experience.
Hi Tom – Just give me a shout if you have time!
Hi Bob- Eventhough I dont live in the Philippines, I dont understand why the locals think I want to meet other ex-pats who live there, when I am visiting. Sometimes I think, they think they will rise in my estimation if they can introduce me to a foreigner because there are so few foreigners in the province I visit. When I am visiting R.P, I want my experience to be as Philippino as possible.
ps. I read in the news today they may release Ampatuan jnr for lack of evidence…Unbeleivable!
Hi Anthony – Yeah, I agree with you on that!
BTW, regarding the Ampatuans, as far as I have read, it is not Andal Jr. that they are going to release, it is Zaldy Ampatuan (former ARMM governor) and his brother Akmad Ampatuan (a former mayor in a Maguindanao town). Andal Jr. is supposed to be the mastermind, and I have heard nothing about any thoughts of releasing him.
Hi Bob,
interesting topic.
Here in Australia when my wife and I are in a mall and see someone who looks like a filipina there is nearly always eye contact between them and a questioning look followed by “are you filipina?”. Its funny because here we have so many asians from different countries but they always seem to be able to differentiate by look even the neighbouring Indonesians who look very similar to my wife’s people from Mindanao. There is usually a comparing of notes followed by exchange of phone numbers.
It is my observation that here filipinos, unless married to Australians, do not make many friends with Australians. Like a lot of the expats over there they keep to their own community and seem a little uncomfortable with Australians when we meet them at gatherings. There also seems to be a bit of a barrier between some of them and the filipinas married to Aussie guys here. You could be excused for thinking in a lot of cases they really don’t really like us and look down on our filipina wives.
I guess its not just your expats there who seem to be a little xenophobic :lol:.
Hi Michael – When we lived in the States and were shopping in the mall, if we saw a Filipina, I always urged Feyma to go say hi. Now I understand why she never wanted to! 😆
Good evening Bob!
I have to admit that when I see another “white person” I wont be flyig over to his side to talk to him. However, last week I made a new friend here in Cebu! He is a Filipino-American and to be honest I have never had a real American friend before. It’s been great because we have so many common interests about the Philippines and business also…he has left his comfortable life back in the US to live a simple life here. I hope to meet others like himself that they be foreigners or filipino. Oh, the exception would be if they are at the Thirsty’s stand getting a drink. I would strike up a conversation so fast about how those drink are LAMI!!!!!
Hi Jason – Yeah, I like “Thirsty” a lot too! They have delicious drinks there!
Hi Bob,
Your article is outstanding and one that addresses great thought in those who read it and understand what you are saying.
I’ve had the pleasure of knowing the filipino culture my whole life. My best friend from 1st grade to college was filipino and introduced me to many aspects of their foods (ie. dinaguan pork blood) and their culture. In fact it is probably the reason why I joined the navy to go and see the philippines for my self.
Yes, my wife is a filipina and we have been married for 30 yrs and
I can truly say she is my best friend but, do I always understand her or what she does NO! but the end result is amazing. How they approach a situation and how Americans do might be 180* out but it always seems to work out. So you just end up scratching your head and say wow.
I just don’t understand how foriegners can marry a filipina and either in public or behind their back make fun of them or their culture. That is just wrong and I find that totally unacceptable and I tend to avoid those people. ( Your spouse is suppose to be your Best Friend and you don’t degrade public or private).
Filipinos are some of the best friends that you can have because, all they can really give you is their friendship. I have more fun and laughs knowing their is no excpectatins than those who are around you for other reasons.
Having foriengners as friends in the philippines is important to me but, as friends who enjoy the philippine culture and people as I do.
Yes, their is good and bad in every culture so you still need to choose wisley. But Good friends are hard to find so why would you set up a criteria that the locals cannot pass. I retire in 36 month and were PI Bound.
Remember In Rome Do as The Romans Do Your a Guest here respect it. Sorry if it’s long winded BOB but I just had to get that of my chest.
Hi Michels5098 – Happy to be your sounding board here! No problem with getting your thoughts off your chest! Congratulations on your long term marriage! Feyma and I will be celebrating 20 years later in 2010. It’s a wonderful thing!
BOB Congrats to you on 20 yrs!!!
I can honestly say the vast majority of us who have been married a significant no of years like yourself have a high appreciation for other cultures and the enrichment they can have on our lives.
Being in a multi-cultural relationship no matter how long allows you to open doors to new friends and ways of thinking.
How can some people marry a filipina say they love the culture move over there and then and they trash talk it and find nothing but negatives. Maybe they never had any friends or even a girlfriend in their country that would put up with them. (mail order bride) LOL.
Bob you are a very unique person and quite culturally diverse.
Hope to one day have lunch with you and your family when we get moved in over there. But for now it’s Live In The Philippines!! for at least 36 months.
Hi Michels5098 – Thank you! Yes, I am looking forward to the big 20 year Anniversary (if we make it that long, it’s still a few months away 😆 ). Seriously, though, the past 20 years have been the best part of my life, and I can only thank Feyma for that.
If you ever make it to Davao, let’s do that lunch, Michels!
THANK YOU! I have been told that I come off as arrogant and that I intimidate people because I do not choose to be friends with English speaking foreigners simply because they speak ENGLISH. I have been told that I am wrong for not belonging to an expat group because I needed to socialize with English speaking people.
I do speak or nod to most foreigners that I pass in the mall or on the streets. I do not choose to stop and have a conversation unless they are doing something that I am interested in or wearing clothing that denotes some place I have visited, lived or want to visit or live and want their opinion.
I often see you in the coffee shop in SM Mall. I do not stand at your table and try to engage you in conversation because I do not want to impose upon you and your wife. You are the celebrity in town and I figure if you want to talk to me you will.
I do not drink, rarely cuss unless really pissed off, not married and not looking. I came to the Philippines first as a priest and now retired. I do not have a lot in common with the expat’s I have met. That is not my fault or their fault. So what the use in forcing a friendship on me or them.
I once ask someone what is the point in me attempting to be friends with people I would not want to be around if I was back in the States. I was told because they speak the same language as you. I do enjoy English conversations. I do miss English conversation. I do not want to be friends with everyone that speaks English.
Hi Tom – I have to say, I agree with about everything you said. I can’t get interested in the expat groups, I don’t find that they have the same interests that I do.
Hey, if you see me at a coffee shop, please say hi! I would enjoy meeting you and talking to you. I’d say hi to you, but I don’t know what you look like! 😆 BTW, I don’t consider myself a celebrity, so forget about that! I just got home from SM, as a matter of fact, although I did not have coffee there today!
I guess when I got to Philippines, I was looking for a way to meet someone friendly and be comfortable. The best place that seems to have happened is at the coffee shop at the mall.
Also got a group of friends that meet every Thursday morning for some lessons in Bisayan.
Being married my interests don’t include finding another romance. My interests include my harmonicas for music, swimming at the beaches and pools, good conversation with friends, and enjoying my wifes relatives.
I will remember my first days here and the shock of the new culture. I want to be there for anyone I can help get comfortable in the new lifestyle. The new person here mearly needs a friend to get started.
Hi Kenneth – I agree, finding a good friend, even just one, is a great way to really help a person get over the adjustment that is necessary. Especially if you can find a friend who has already been through it and can help guide you.
Hi Bob – just lounging around your site reading archives. Good post, this one. I read the comments, I’ll say it’s weird if somebody comes here and not really have friends or be friends with Filipinos. Expats living here should not really limit themselves to other group of expats. They should explore and all that and be friends with the locals.
I couldn’t agree more, sugar! For somebody who would say they don’t like Filipinos.. why live here?