Continuing this weeks series of articles about things I have learned about life here in the tropics, today I would like to look at culture. In the past, when I lived in the USA, I never really thought all that much about culture. These days, I have thought a lot about culture, and with all of my thought and learning about culture over the past decade, I now know that culture is very important, one of the most important things about living in a different country. In fact, I know that while I have learned a lot about culture, I have not even scratched the surface, and will probably never fully understand the culture of the Philippines.
There is indeed a lot to learn when it comes to culture. Some expats here will tell you that they fully understand the culture here. I have thought that myself many times. However, every time that I feel that I have fully come to understand Philippine culture, something happens that teaches me a new lesson. Because of this, I now accpet that there will probably always be new lessons to learn and new things to weigh and come to understand.
One thing that I hear from a lot of Americans that I meet is that “the culture of the Philippines is just like America.” I’m telling you, it ain’t so. Most of the Americans who tell me this are people who have been here on vacation a few times, or even more. Fact is, when you are here for vacation, you don’t get all of the cultural nuances. For one thing, people here don’t necessarily show you all the different facets of their culture if you are going to be here for two weeks or a month. Why? Precisely because you are only going to be here for a short time. For that amount of time, the local people can put up with you, and do things your way as much as they can. However, when you move here for good, it is you who will have to learn about their culture, and to some extent you will need to adapt it into your life.
If you are not living here, you cannot possibly understand this. I know that I never understood it until I lived here. And, you have to live here for a while before you realize it. You have to adapt, or at least try to adapt.
Foreigners have the reputation here that they get mad easily. It’s not too hard to figure out why people think that foreigners get mad. I mean, if you go to the mall, to a restaurant, to the Immigration office or any public place, it’s just a normal thing to see some foreigner who is yelling at somebody, throwing things, or whatever. I am not exaggerating either. Hey, I admit it, I’ve been there and done those things myself. I still do, but not as often as I did years ago. Want to know why foreigners are like that? It’s because of culture. You see, when you come here, and things are done in a way that is totally out of sync with what you are used to, it irritates you. When you get irritated over and over again, after a while your fuse pops and you do something stupid.
You know what? Every time I lose my temper like this, it only takes a few minutes and I am thinking things like “how stupid am I, I promised myself that I’d never do this again.” You see, though, culture is something that is in your blood. You grew up in a certain culture, and that is what you expect. Even if you learn about a new culture, that doesn’t make you part of the culture, and it doesn’t mean that you are ready to live that culture. It takes years to condition yourself. Some peole do better than others. In my early years here, I did not do well. I have seen a lot of foreigners who did worse than me, though, too.
I know that if you have never lived here, or in another country with a different culture, you are probably reading this thinking to yourself something like, “I will never do that,” but you will. You can’t understand until you get immersed into a different culture. And, I am not talking about immersing into a culture for a few weeks while you are on vacation. I mean being immersed in it for months and then for years.
I have learned in my time here that studying and observing how the culture works is very important. It doesn’t mean that you will be at peace with the culture, but it helps to understand it. If you study it and think about it, you will avoid making as many mistkaes. You won’t be perfect, but nobody is, so that is not what you should strive for.
Basically, culture impacts every part of your life, and it is important to remember that, and to try to adjust. This will be your most difficult thing that you will need to adjust to when you move to the Philippines.
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Announcement: Because it is Holy Week, my regularly scheduled Thursday morning coffee session will not take place this week. I will be back next week though for those who wish to get together for coffee.
Hi Mark C, – I like that analogy of comparing a culture to a fruit like that. It is perfectly logical.
hi bob,
It reminds me of my american friend, he asked me "why are the filipinos can adapt easily to another's culture?" the only answer i could come up with was, "maybe, because philippine is a poor country and its people are inherently poor and going to another developed country makes their life much easier to live while people from the developed country cannot easily adapt to a culture of a less comfortable poor countries." I am not really sure if i am making sense with my answer but he seemed to accept it. 🙂
Hi Bob – What you say is very true. You have mentioned many things like this over the past year or two and coming from UK and living in Oz for the last 16 years has also conditioned me in a way to different cultures although probably not as drastic as Phil will be when we make the move.
What I think will be very hard to accept is the corruption culture. This was made very clear to me back in 2000 when we were bringing my wife's kids over to Oz to live. When taking the medical for one of them they advised that there was an error in one of the Xrays and it had to be done again? I had to pay again because I was a Westerner but if I had not been there I doubt this would have happened. I learn't a lot from that experience and now know when to accompany my wife and when not to.
This unfortunately Bob will always be a hard culture for Westerners to adapt to in my view and is something I try and work around by not getting involved unless I have to.
I'm arriving in Phil on Saturday and will try and get to visit you.
Hi dans – interesting. I am not sure why Filipinos can easily adapt to other cultures, I suppose that is part of their own culture! 😯
Hi Bob,
Before my company sent me to Germany in 2005, they sent me to cultural training. One of the things that stuck with me is the concept of viewing a culture by what it takes to be accepted as an outsider. Some cultures are like "coconuts" with a hard outer shell that is had to penetrate (Germany?), but if you can work your way in, you have a relationship that will last a lifetime. Some cultures are more like a "peach" (Philippines?). They accept you easily, but to be truly a part of the culture you must get into the pit (Barkada?)
Mark C.
Hi Bob,
My past experiences here in the states involved being acquainted with various cultures. In some cases, yes, I got frustrated with those differences. I even thought those differences were absurd and wouldn't try to understand why that was. Time and patience won over in that lifelong lesson and I've become ever so receptive to those differences. Perhaps I gave in to the absurd or I gave my [early] limited observations a swift kick in the pants.
Hi Henry – Yeah, it's important to overcome our biases when it comes to culture, and to accept people's culture as much as possible. It makes us happier too.
Bob,
As I have seen and you have stated the family or "group" dynamics are so different here.
The thing that gets me upset even though I am used to it is how in businesses here, especially restaurants, there are lots of workers but service is so slow.
I think since people are paid so little, they can hire many and efficiency is not taught. The workers are more into talking to each other than serving the customers.
Hi Bruce – I must say that there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. Almost everything here moves in slow motion. Customer service is often an after-thought, if it is thought of at all. Like you say, almost every business has tons of employees, but it still doesn't speed things up at all.
Of course, there are exceptions, businesses that run efficiently. However, when you find one of those, it's best to remember it, because you won't find that many!
Hi Bob – Now, I didn't know that. That makes me MAD! 😆
Seriously though, sometimes a sense of being serious is mistaken for being mad. I have to keep a smile on my face while back home to deliver news that would normally be accompanied by a serious look in the USA. Those "clashes of culture" are hard to dodge! 😉
Hi Paul – 😆 Yeah, you have to be very careful with what you say, the way you say it, how you look when you say it, etc. Even a minor mistake can lead to misunderstandings that kill friendships! It's amazing.
Kamusta ka Bob,
Your words are so true Bob, and I know for myself, there will be a lot of "self conditioning" that will need to be done. But most of all, I need to remember that "patience is a virtue"..hehe. I know there will be plenty of times I will get frustrated and upset, but like I have said before, I am really going to try so hard as keeping my cool. Last thing I want to do is have a heart attack in the Philippines..:)
Take care now, and keep it coming…
Danny 😛
Hi Danny – Trying your best is the best thing you can do. I try my best too, and most of the time it works great for me. Sometimes we slip and don't meet our goals, because we are only human. But, you just have to keep trying your best!
Good luck!
Hi Kuya Bob,
Nice topic here… but I'd rather keep my mouth shut 😆
I agree with this Bob, but good news is, it has improved a lot in the last 5 or so years! I only speak of Manila as that is where I am when I go home. But I remember how very upset I would get when it took 3 different people to buy a shirt at SM. And I am Filipino! If your size is not available, prepare to watch the salespeople huddle among themselves, ask 2 or 3 other coworkers, someone goes inside to check while the other 2 chat about their lives in front of you. Only to find out they don't have your shirt anyway.
These days I am pleasantly surprised at the professional way business is handled at stores in Manila but I have a suspicion that this is in response to globalization. If they expect the Philippines to run not far behind places like Bangkok and Hong Kong, they have to beef up customer service and product availability. It wasn't too long ago that returns/exchanges were an unheard of service in Philippine retail but now it's common in most establishments. So there is hope yet! 🙂
This statement makes a lot of sense!
It is easier to adapt coming from a third world country to a western country, than the other way around.
it's a lot easier for poor people to adjust to a rich lifestyle, than for rich people to become poor.
Hi Miss August – I agree that there is indeed truth there. Even if a person has money, there are inconveniences in a third world country. Money can add to comfort, but can't buy everything. So, yes, I also agree.
Ho Bob,among the many differences that I noticed here in the US however is the promptness of the service in restaurants. Too prompt I think. Just yesterday, I had dinner in a Thai restaurant. As soon as I forked the last piece of chicken, I was still chewing it and lo & behold I saw the wait staff approach my table to hand me my bill, and asked me if everything was alright. Of course, he couldn't get any response for me as I was taught not to speak when my mouth is full. The few pieces of cucumber salad I was saving after the meal was also taken. He did ask if I was finished though. It seems an exaggeration but it certainly is the norm here. Bill comes promptly even before you asked for it.
It seems to me that Americans are taught, trained to impose the rules. Even if the situation calls for not applying the rules, they seem not be able to bend from it. But yes, I do not see any Filipinos (Thank God!) throw a tantrum because things work differently here. Not that everything is efficient here, I think we are basically adopt low profile attitude.
Hi dans – That's true… it does take getting used to, though! 😉
Hi Bob
You are so right about that on the surface the American culture and the Filipino is very similar but when I spent 2 months there you start to see that there are differences and if I were to spend as much time there I would see a lot of differences like what you have experienced. I think the most obvious one to me is how accepting of things most Filipinos have of corruption and slow moving government. My first GF whose 2nd cousin was mayor of a large town (500k). How the mayor would be given land or houses in every new development. I said that is a bribe/corruption. She said how would the mayor be able to give handouts (foods, medicine, money for rent). I said that is something that he should not do anyway. I live in Oakland and a previous mayor was running for state office, he won the primary in part by giving free chicken dinners at the voting areas (in certain locations). That caused a big backlash and cost him the general election. When I see construction on roads moving at a snail pace and wonder why traffic is so bad. Most Filipinos just accept it. I myself have to check my temper at these things.
Hi neil – I hear you, and I understand what you are saying. I hate corruption too, but I don't let that bother me. Really, in my personal day to day life, corruption is something that really doesn't touch me at all, so I just kind of ignore it. Really, there is nothing I can do about it, and it's not my place to do anything anyway, so why get all knotted up about it. Seeing people just accept it is just as bad as the corruption itself!
I guess that I'm not ready to say ." Yea or Nea " I'm still a vacationing Kano so .. I'm still working on the saying ." Honey this is the Philippines ,we don't do things like that here "..So when I move there I will slow done and be called the "The Lazy Kano".. Hee Hee… Phil n Jess
Hi dans – It's true that in the States a tip is expected. I am not sure that it has a meaning "to insure promptness" I never heard that before. But, usually 15% is standard. If service was poor, I would personally leave less than 15%. If service was excellent, I'd leave more.
Hi Phil – gotta commit one way or the other sooner or later! 😆
I've noticed how the american franchised resturants seems to be more efficiently run in RP, I attribute this to training. Funny how when I first arrive back in the RP at most other resturants I have to remind myself to ask for bill half way through the meal in order to have it before I finish…otherwise its another 10 – 15 minute wait.
My aswawa gets irritated faster than I do !!!
Hi Brian,
Absolutely! I am with you there.
I don't know about the US franchised restaurants. As far as I know, all US franchised places are only in Manila. Other than McDonalds (is that a restaurant?) 😆 there are none in Davao that I can think of.
Hi Mike – Oops.. I take back what I said. Davao has Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Shakey's, KFC, Ace Hardware (that's not a restaurant, though, 😀 ), etc. Really, I was thinking of restaurants of a bit higher quality than these.
Not sure if you've ever been to Davao or not, but we aren't in the sticks down here! 😆 We can also get things delivered here and such.
I find lowering my expectations about 80% helps me keep my blood pressure down. Then when something goes "right" or up to western standards it is such a pleasant surprise.
Rob S.
I've always gotten the best service, once I've put on a smile and raised my eyebrows a quick couple of times! 😉
Yes T.I.P. originated in Britain, of course. The words "To Insure Promptness" were printed on a small wooden box just inside English inns to remind patrons that, for superior service, and extra coin or two would be necessary.
C.O.P is also a British term: Constable On Patrol.
Hi Bruce,
Aha!.. I'm not surprised if the T.I.P is the driving factor to provide an efficient and prompt service in a restaurant. 🙂
no i have never been to mindinao, davao is a pretty big size place though i would imagine ? what is the population of davao area? cebu city area is supposivly 1 million people the island as a whole I believe is AROUND 3 MILLION. once you get out in the province your in the middle of no where ! most of the time when i eat out i eat at a native barbecue place where the locals go or i go and eat freshly caught seafood of the day somewhere!my weakness is lechon baboy and crispy pata while sucking down a couple san miguels .i have never really seen bizarre foods like on that tv show .maybe they eat that crap in manila or papanga but in cebu they eat normal foods (of course they eat dried fish but nothing like on tv.
One thing to bear in mind Bob is that the U.S. is a melting pot of cultures from all over the world. Take Houston, TX. A significant population of Vietnamese immigrants settled there. There are even areas of the city where street signs are in both English and Vietnamese. I assure you, the culture in that part of the city is quite different from other areas. There is also a large hispanic population in Houston. Once again, the culture there is different. Places like Miami where there is a large Cuban population have thier own distinct flavor.
When you start saying Americans are like this or like that, I can't help but smile. We are as different as the individual patterns of snowflakes.
As you have pointed out on more than one occassion, even Filipino culture varies widely from region to region. The Islamic region of Mindano has little in common with metro Manila.
In my opinion sterotyping Americans is just as bad as saying all Philippinos are the same.
TIP is almost a given. There's just no way that you are leaving w/o giving TIP. The wait staff know this, expect this & get this w/o any problem unless service really sucks and in that case the customer tells it so. Their prompt service is almost ingrained to them because like what happened to me, I was the only customer eating. They think they are giving better service by being too attentive to you, i.e, they saw me wolf down the last piece of chicken, immediately they'll send me the bill.
Hello Bob
I hope you are not mad because I have things to say but I need to get message to Phil because my outlook express is not working.
Phil you must have ym and you and I are going to be about the same time and we are same person. mine is andyzjoesy01
Ok Bob now for comment. Such a nice subject that I almost hehehe understand
Hello Bob
First I have a hard time in this last year. I have been there twice and only to see one person. You met Feyma here so she was one trying to figure OUR culture then. I know from what you and Feyma write the you have done well. I can only hope. What I can say is family is not as important here anymore. My Brother went to China first, like I was to meet asian wife. But got home and met Pauline, from Leyte, and A year later they were married and so happy. Customs, and Traditions is why he picked Pauline. After first time there I decided she was one and it was because it was like my childhood here. Not like it is now, mind you, but how it used to be. I am older than even you ( hehe ) but I live by myself, and not because there is not love, but because that is normal here. When I fly to see my 36 year old son, he kisses his dad on lips and big hug. that is how I raised him. Oh heck what am I writing. Point is I am so looking forward to Customs and Tradition that have been lost here
I don't know if this was touched on but I notice the culture thing is different in different locations so just because you learned 100 things you thought you knew about Philippine culture you can go to a different part of the country and learn a hundred totally new ones.
Just a observation.
Hi Paul – Pogi guys like you always get the best service! It's ugly guys like me who have to worry! 😯
Hi Mike – Davao is nearly 2 Million in the City. It is the second largest City in the Philippines. Hey… I've been to Cebu and there are certainly plenty of bizarre food there too! 😯
Hi David S. – My goodness…. OK, I made a grave error, I guess. My most sincere apology to every American.
Have you ever been in the ARMM (Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao) before? If not, how do you know what their culture is like?
Hi roy – I'm sorry, my friend, but that is simply not the case. There is no requirement to leave a tip, and nobody will stop you from leaving the restaurant if you do not tip. They won't like it, but they will still let you leave. I have left no tip plenty of times when the service was poor.
Bob it's hard to find bizarre food at a franchise. hee hee
Hi Andy – Not sure where you got the idea that I met Feyma in the States, but that is not correct. I met Feyma in Cebu City, and we were married in General Santos City. At the time I met Feyma, she had never been to the United States in her life.
Hi Bilal – That is certainly true.
Hi Phil – Ha ha… Yeah, last time I was at Pizza Hut they were out of balut! Can you imagine that? 😀
TIP – tourist in Philippines.. hee hee
Hi Bob; We are back in Northern California after 5 months of winter sojourn in Marinduque. The climate is getting hot and humid and we decided not to stay for the 2009 Moriones Festival. Your article on culture is really true. I do get irritated if somebody cut me in the lines ( Bank), that when this incident first happened I give a lecture in the bank and everybody thought I was a mad man. After I cool off, I was embarrassed, so I immediately apologized, but I got served immediately. Is being late attending events a filipino culture or just being lazy? Belated Happy Easter to you, Femma and the Kids! Dave and Macrine
Hi David – Nice to hear from you, I hope that you also had a nice Easter, and also a nice stay in Marinduque. Yes, like your incident at the bank, whenever I lose my cool, I always end up kicking myself in the rear because even if I was right in what I was thinking, I was wrong to lose my cool!
As a British national married to a Filipina for 20+ years, I’d like to make my own small contribution to the discussion. Firstly, although I have a property in the Philippines, I don’t live there. Most of my time is spent in the Middle East which presents its own set of cultural issues, and my wife & children are based in the UK. Philippines is certainly a fun place to visit, but I don’t envisage ever living there permanently. Frankly, I find the climate and the poverty & squalor which is prevalent in so much of the country to be a disincentive to permanent settlement. As regards culture, I would say that Filipino culture superficially resembles that of the USA in many ways, but once you scratch the surface, it becomes clear that Filipinos have more in common with their South East Asian neighbours. Many contributors have mentioned the lack of customer service in restaurants and the manana culture, but these issues are at most minor irritations. What I have found particularly difficult to deal with is the lack of privacy & the inability of some Filipinos to appreciate a Westerner’s need for personal space. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have visitors, but sometimes it’s also necessary to close your front door & have some time to yourself. I have a doorbell on my gate, but nobody uses it. How many times have I walked into my living room to find someone standing there after having let themselves into the house? Of course, I could lock my gate, but then I would probably be accused of being anti social or “snobbish”. My last visit to the country was over 10 years ago & can’t see myself returning any time soon.
Hi Mark – I am sorry to hear that your experiences in the Philippines have been unfavorable in your opinion. Certainly in my 12 years of living here I have had annoyances and situations that were out of the norm, but overall I love living here. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
Take care.
Not unfavorable exactly, just isn’t really the place I’d like to settle down permanently in. My wife feels the same way. If it weren’t for family ties, she wouldn’t visit either. Personally, I feel more at home in Thailand or Penang. As you say, different strokes for different folks! Keep up the good work, Bob, & best of luck.
Oh, forgot to mention the squatters who are occupying almost half of our land. If it weren’t for the fact that my mother in law is living in our house, I’d sell the place (squatters and all!) and have done with it.
Hi Mark – Good luck to you, and thank you.
It feels great to hear stuffs like this from people like you Bob. Thanks for embracing Mindanao and our culture. And yes, what you said there were all true. I commend you for choosing Mindanao and the Philippines!
Thanks!